The Collings and Herrin Podcasts

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 71

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 8 Jul 2009 16:05:00 GMT

We devote most of our 71st podcast to the story of Richard's iPhone being snatched in West London by an opportunistic tearaway and smooth criminal with brilliant cycling skills and the desire to make us ask the question: who is the real thief? (It's him.) This is clearly more important than Michael Jackson's 'macabre circus' of a funeral, the mystery of the Human Shrub and anything Andrew has done. Anyway, back to Richard's iPhone ... which came in this now-empty box, and went in a blur of colours and a photo of Richard in an uncompromising moustache which we hope at least gave the thief a fright.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 70

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 1 Jul 2009 16:35:00 GMT

In this special Michael Jackson memorial podcast, we talk about the life of Michael Jackson, the death of Michael Jackson, the voice of Michael Jackson, the legend of Michael Jackson, the response to Michael Jackson's death, the response of Uri Geller, the response of Debbie Rowe, the response from Glastonbury, the remodelling of Andy Murray, the allure of Flamingo Land, how to keep a baby tapir cool, and why girls kissing girls will disturb EVERY parent.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 69

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:00:00 GMT

In our 69th!!!LOL podcast, we lament the locking down of not just our own Wikipedia entries, but also Duncan Norvelle's, while discussing in great detail the political leanings of new Speaker, John Bercow, assessing the form of all eleven Doctors Whos, pondering Jordan's crude tattoo removal, looking at Andrew's Glastonbury hat, recalling with great fondness and inaccuracy the 1980s public share issue campaign, and asking, yet again, WHO IS VIRGILIO ANDERSON??? And all sponsored, once again, by the Rhythm Festival in Bedford, who have helpfully kept some tickets back to be sold, unlike Glastonbury who greedily sold all theirs. Typical.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 68

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:40:00 GMT

In our 68th podcast, Andrew has come hotfoot from reviewing the newspapers on Nick Ferrari's breakfast show on London's LBC, a non-stop commercial talk station ('London's Big Conversation'), and thus has read all of the newspapers, cover to cover, that's all of them, including the 'X-rated' Daily Star. For once, it's all news, and no nonsense or housekeeping or catchphrases or plugs for things we are doing or Richard complaining about being tired: the redacted MPs' expenses, the Wheelie Bin Revolution, the difference between Alesha Dixon and Arlene Philips, Sir Fred Goodwin's chimney-sweeping pennance, the 'Tarmaccing community', Jordan's 'X-rated' romp, the allure of nappies to the urban fox, and the great fluoridation debate. The one question we don't answer is, 'Who is Virgilio Anderson?'

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 67

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:30:00 GMT

In our 67th podcast, sponsored by the Rhythm Festival (Aug 21-23) - for every weekend ticket they sell, our chosen charities Scope and Thomas's Fund get a donation each - which we discuss the electoral victory of the BNP and whether it's OK to have a go at Nick Griffin because of his face, celebrate the showbiz camp of Colonel Gaddafi, ponder the advantages and disadvantages of the head massage, admire Caroline Flint's shoes, assert Duncan Norvelle's heterosexuality, debate the spyhole, and, in the newly-shorn Richard's case, aim for two new catchphrases, one of which really belongs to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 66

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 5 Jun 2009 15:00:00 GMT

In our 666th podcast, a 'small gift from London', we bring you breaking news of the latest Cabinet resignations which will inevitably be out of date by the time you hear them, but then again, it's not a news programme. We admire the leopard in Hertfordshire who licked the rat, indulge in pointless speculation about the sad demise of Kung Fu star David Carradine, reveal how we voted in the Euro elections in order to influence indecisive people, fail to stop swearing in order to get back on the radio after last week's brief morning in the spotlight, and Andrew is allowed to tell an entire pencil-based anecdote, for which he is entirely grateful.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 65a - Mitford Sisters

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Mon, 1 Jun 2009 14:20:00 GMT

This extra, 10-minute podcast is Andrew's fabled Mitford Sisters routine, recorded at the Duke Of York's Picturehouse on Thursday while Richard was safely backstage. In it, Andrew discusses all six of the Mitfords - Nancy, Pamela, Diana, Unity, Jessica and Debo - and not until the end of the set does anyone actually walk out. Warning: this podcast does not really include any Richard Herring. It is a bonus. It does not replace the regular podcast. Podcast 66 will follow shortly. Do admit.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 65 - Live!

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 29 May 2009 09:00:00 GMT

In this special live podcast from the Duke Of York's Picturehouse in sunny, bohemian Brighton, we play up to the paying audience of 250 people a bit, admittedly, but still manage to cover Susan Boyle the 'Hairy Angel', the resemblance of Kim Jong Il to BBC2's Stewart Lee, the allure of cottaging, the self-defeating genius of glow-in-the-dark monkeys, the perplexing but inspirational lyrics to Take That's Back For Good, the sex lives of Clare Rayner and Edwina Currie, and the return of Dane Bowers, 29.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 64

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 20 May 2009 23:55:00 GMT

In our 64th podcast, sponsored by the Absolut Dublin Gay Theatre Festival, even though it's finished, we discuss the miracle, or not, of human evolution, and the fact that we are all descended from 100 people who walked off Africa 70,000 years ago, including Adam and Eve, and Noah and his wife Nelly, who themselves were descendants of a monkey/lemur called Ida, recently dug up in 1983 and now featured in a Guardian poster. We also analyse the ex-Speaker's nickname, the morality of selling your virginity to a 45-year-old Italian businessman and try not to swear or interrupt each other, in practice for being on the radio again.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 63

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:50:00 GMT

In the transparent 63rd podcast, we declare every penny of our expenses, including both fingers of a Twix, while discussing infinity, morality, hypocrisy, prejudice, sexism, racism, homophobia, the coming dandelion menace and what Jordan said to Richard when he met her on the GMTV sofa. For one week only, we include the Daily Telegraph among the newspapers we analyse - because it is at the centre of the expenses story - and find it much too big. Way too big. I mean, look at the size of it. It's ridiculous.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 62

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 8 May 2009 19:00:00 GMT

In our 62nd podcast, we take just about every ideological position under the sun on such complex issues as Gurkha justice, Nazism, bra size, MPs' expenses, the British position in India, the possibly fictional 'ugly' man with pitted skin and Hugh Cornwell's hairstyle suddenly accused of having something to do with the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, Jon Gaunt's panic over a word in Bono's poem about Elvis, the wisdom or otherwise of using a cartoon of a keyboard key for the word "by" in byline credits in the Daily Mirror (a subject that only really animates one of us - guess which one?), and the magical 'optical illusion' of glass between a child and a tiger in a zoo.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 61

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:20:00 GMT

In our 61st pigcast, from the very bottom of the iTunes charts, suffering from the hangover of fame, we present a balanced view of the swine flu pandemic-in-waiting, wonder if the world population couldn't in fact do with a little 'thinning out', celebrate some newly-discovered British Library cottaging graffiti, 'Get Britain Laughing' along with The Sun, ponder the fate of Michael MacIntyre and other successful comedians who seem to be enjoying success just to make us feel unsuccessful, and enjoy some 'lunchtime fun' by reminiscing about 1970s sweets that have been ruined by killjoys and health and safety fears.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 60

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:20:00 GMT

In this spontaneous podcast, nominally number 60, Andrew Collings and Richard Herrin shamelessly celebrate reaching number 6 in the iTunes podcast charts and overtaking Stephen Fry for at least one blessed moment before - we assume - plummeting back down again when our new subscribers hear this very podcast (or Stephen Fry actually records a podcast). In it, we talk mainly about our own brief taste of success, but also a bit about Tesco's push for Lebensraum, fat people causing global warming and Susan Boyle, plus sophisticated film reviews of Fast And Furious, Star Wars with Simon Pegg and Crank: High Voltage.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 59

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:40:00 GMT

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 59, we do something romantic that we've never done before and will never do again (you'll have to listen to find out exactly what). We also correct a heinous miscarriage of justice, consider the 39 complaints logged about ITV1's pornographic Saturday teatime talent show Britain's Got Tassles, support the campaign to moan about the red elastic bands left by postmen on your path, consider the almost self-defeating generosity of the British Legion raffle, and warn Margaret off The Apprentice not to pick up the soap when Nick is around, even though only one of us still watches The Apprentice, which is a stupid programme. And only one of us is going to see Star Trek.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 58

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 8 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

In Podcast 58, we celebrate the good fortune of the man sitting next to the Guinness heiress on the plane, ask why the Great British bobby is wearing a balaclava, discuss the entire 43-year history of Star Trek, laud the courageous Sir Michael Parkinson for being in a wilderness, promote Old Jamaica Ginger Beer in the vain hope of being sponsored by them, and, as usual, act like a bit of fanny and a doormat in need of a hug, not that we would ever allow a single customer review on iTunes to get to us.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 57

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:30:00 GMT

We would like to make it clear - crisply, refreshingly clear - that Collings and Herrin Podcast 57 is not sponsored by Magners Light Irish Cider, created in the same authentic, time honoured tradition as Magners Original Cider, but with fewer calories. However, we did drink a 330ml bottle each during today's podcast, which led to a more sophisticated discussion than normal about the a united Ireland, the Israel-Palestine conflict, the intricacies of expenses claims, the changing nature of titilation, the 'phlegminess' of cider and the economic hardship of having a sitcom cancelled. Magners Light Irish Cider is actually not as phlegmy as we remember cider to be from when we used to drink it at the correct cider-drinking age ie. 17.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 56

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

In our 56th podcast, we give equal, self-defeatingly critical airtime to both Magners Cider and Oatibix in an effort to confuse our potential sponsors. We pay tribute to the Essex Princess, worry about John Terry's mum, applaud Gordon Brown for making Princess Anne Queen, mouth the word 'bollocks' to see if it's offensive, and deconstruct David Jason's accidentally racist joke.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 55

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:00:00 GMT

Hey! Collings and Herrin Podcast No. 55 is out of the traps. In it, we sensitively cover the trial of Josef Fritzl, read out some letters to the Sunday Times, squeeze one joke out of Keith Vaz, enjoy some crazy animal stories, but mainly talk about Richard's tour and the inherent tragedy therein. As an experiment, we try drinking some of the alcoholic drink Perroni while recording it. This was a huge mistake, but we enjoyed it.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 54

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:00:00 GMT

In our 54th podcast, one of us is caffeine-free, the other is virtually insensible on the stuff. Ethical and moral discussion moves almost imperceptibly from Prince Charles's detox tincture to the quality of placard at the Luton anti-war protests; from monkey vengeance to sheepdog love; from the wheelie bin police to reincarnation as a bee; from just about anything to Richard's tour dates. Andrew remains in a Zen-like stated of decaffeinated calm throughout.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 53

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 4 Mar 2009 00:10:00 GMT

What? A new podcast already? That's real value. In our 53rd podcast, recorded a matter of days after the last one because Richard is on tour or something, powered by homemade biscotti, we find out that grapefruit juice can cause heart failure, television can give you asthma, having a job can get you stripped of your University Challenge glory, teenagers can cost nine thousand pounds, Sir Fred Goodwin was named by William Makepeace Thackeray, Tesco's offer real baskets as opposed to surreal or figurative ones, Richard's got another idea for a Slumdog Millionaire sequel, beer is a surprise sedative and teenagers' pants are designed to be seen. �Can we just apologise for the burp with which this podcast begins. Rich was very tired.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 52

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:30:00 GMT

In our 52nd podcast, we manage to largely avoid talking about the tragedy-filled news by discussing the legality and morality of secretly taking photos with mobile phones up ladies' skirts, Richard's special plan for Lent, the fact that bras used to be exciting, why we should actually have some compassion for Jade Goody, and the fact that, all being well, we will be on Channel 4 News because we are the news. Interestingly, it turns out that last week's podcast might not have been recorded using the podcast studio and the nice new mic, but through the internal mic, so ha ha if you thought it sounded better. It probably didn't. And this week it's back to normal until a nerd can help us.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 51

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:40:00 GMT

In our 51st podcast, recorded for the first time ever on the professional podcast studio Richard bought and paid for while drunk before Christmas, we allow ourselves to be seduced by the professionalism of the equipment and dispense with puerile jokes and humour and just pontificate on free speech for ages. And there's a bit about the enraged, now-dead celebrity chimpanzee, and Peter Mandelson's swear at Starbucks, and Hitler's table manners, and the Church Of England school teaching ten year olds 'filth', and hate cleric Abu Qatada and the tabloids' demonisation of men with beards, and why Twitter is good/bad. You decide!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 50

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 16:45:00 GMT

In this, our 50th podcast, we celebrate by not using the brand new podcast studio because we can't make it work yet. But in what may be the last ever podcast made using GarageBand - and indeed the last ever podcast, if we decide to stop it - we discuss Prince Harry's racism course, bears and cubs, Husker Du, the only good news to come out of the Australian Bush Fires (which involves a bear but not a cub), the complex morality of a 13-year-old having a baby with a 15-year-old and the fact that Richard is touring The Headmaster's Son and wants people to buy tickets so much he is prepared to appear alongside racist Carol Thatcher on Channel Five. Here's to the next 50. (The next 50 plugs for Richard's tour, that is.)

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 49

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 5 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Happy birthday to us! We are one year old! That's 51 podcasts over 52 weeks (don't ask), and in our 49th (don't think too hard about it), we try a Twitter experiment, consider where snow comes from, discuss the origins of the word 'Golliwog', have a pretty serious theological debate about Jesus, discuss the game of rugby and rise above any comments made against us on iTunes, because that's the kind of seasoned professionals we are. Warning: this podcast is not as good as the scripted, edited, produced, satirical radio show On The Hour. We're sorry about that.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 48

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:15:00 GMT

In our 48th podcast, we mainly come up with a new book idea for Dave Gorman which is a surefire winner, but also find time to ponder what happens in the seconds before your death, marvel at Prince Harry's appetite and compare the original lyrics of the 1891 sea shanty What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor and the new politically-correct version that has probably been made up by the tabloids. Also, Richard's gearbox has broken and he's pretty circumspect about the amount it's going to cost him to get it fixed, even though he has yet to be made redundant.�

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 47

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:20:00 GMT

In our 47th podcast, subtitled Hubris, we continue to ponder the fate of the Hitler moustache, give away the entire plot of Slumdog Millionaire (which is the feelgood film of the decade), continue to humiliate ourselves over Adam and Joe, and mark both the inaugurations of Barack Obama. Richard also returns to the burning issues of anarchist Christmas tree disposal and how to deal with a scary man with two black eyes - and he accidentally calls Andrew "Stew", which was bound to happen sooner or later. Meanwhile, Andrew tries to keep quiet and ponders his own intellectual insecurity.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 46

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:45:00 GMT

In our 46th podcast, we fight off the cold of Richard's house by shouting at the tops of our voices about: how good Adam and Joe are (no, really, they are very, very good, much better than us on literally every level, you should subscribe to their podcast now, if you haven't already), how the pilot of the United Airlines flight that landed in the Hudson River should be rewarded for saving the lives of 155 people, whether or not Prince Harry is an idiot, whether it's socially acceptable to grow a Hitler moustache in this day and age, and how the third runway at Heathrow will actually be good for the environment. Did we mention how good Adam and Joe are?

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 45

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 9 Jan 2009 16:45:00 GMT

In our first podcast of 2009, Richard tries out his new, chillaxed, non-hectoring, post-Caribbean persona and Andrew becomes a man of rational scientific thought and debunker of non-evidence-based myths. It takes us quite a while to get to the newspapers, but when we do, it's mainly the story about the UFO hitting the wind turbine that we cover. Don't worry, in the end, we have both returned to our usual selves. Except Andrew. It's great to be back, shouting at each other again at the tops of our lungs and not sponsored by Monarch Airlines.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 44

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:00:00 GMT

In this pre-recorded New Year's Eve Review Of The Year Looking Back On 2008 Roundup Special, Andrew belatedly gives Richard his Christmas present, which he really likes, and we discuss our most-missed dead people of the year, plus give a detailed analysis of such seismic events as the Beijing Olympics, the election of Barack Obama and when Iain Morris caught the pomegranate juice thrown by Kevin Bishop. We'll be back in 2009, when Andrew resolves to stop being the controversial one and Richard resolves to start being the controversial one.

Collings and Herrin - Christmas Podcast: The Perfect Twelve

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 09:00:00 GMT

In this special one-off Christmas podclash, we join Phill Jupitus and Phil Wilding in their posh studio for The Perfect Twelve: four men and a hat, discussing twelve festive things, including Christmas films, Christmas foodstuffs, Christmas carols and outfits we'd like to see Christmas turkeys wearing. All powered by one warm can of Carlsberg. Note: this is the lo-fi, extra-length Collings and Herrin version, recorded on a laptop; the studio version - shorter and properly miked and equalised and everything - is available from the usual Phill and Phil outlets. Collect 'em all!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 43

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 08:30:00 GMT

In our 43rd podcast, the pre-Christmas special, we experiment with two pints of lager/stout and some noodles and coffee, to see what happens. Scientists can study the results, as we discuss, in a rational and non-hysterical manner, the Strictly scandal, the range of hampers available this year, the throwing of a shoe at a president, the throwing of a second shoe at the same president, still unprotected, and the continued joy of secret dancing. It's like the lethargy and indulgence of Christmas has come early! There's even the unwrapping of a present.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 42

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:20:00 GMT

In our 42nd podcast, we ignore the news for the first 27 minutes while we talk about very little, but when we do finally acknowledge the outside world and the events therein, it's Lisa Snowden's potentially dangerous jive, Terry Wogan's tumble dryer, a Hampshire lollipop man's tinsel-decorated sign, the Sun's Military awards and the decision to allow Andy McNab to appear in the judges photograph with a small blackboard over his face, and that's it. Sadly, Andrew mucked about with the computer and it ends before the traditional one hour and six minutes. You should be aware of that.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 41

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 5 Dec 2008 20:30:00 GMT

In our 41st podcast, we discuss our new lookalike service (pictured), secret dancing, Santa Claus being 'f----ing dead', the intelligence of sperm, the stupidity of people who eat fast food, the price of a dog for Christmas, the dangers of the clipboard brigade and what to ask famous film stars if you get 20 minute with them and know nothing about films.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 40

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 19:40:00 GMT

In our 40th podcast, we say hello to all our female listeners, by name, individually, because we can; we also discuss foreplay in the Czech Republic; the loss of the old-fashioned, star-studded Woolworth's adverts; Frank Carson's opaque views on the Israeli occupation of Palestine; 118 118's racist joke service and the Deep House mix of Andrew talking about Lion Man. We also find out how old Fearne Cotton is.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 39

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:30:00 GMT

In our 39th podcast, we dream of the pre-prepared lunches which are ready for us to eat afterwards: for Richard, a Marks and Spencer chilli and coriander king prawns; a Marks and Spencer nutritionally balance super-whole food salad; a Marks and Spencer freshly prepared pineapple, mango, kiwi, raspberry and blueberry; and for Andrew, his own�homemade organic chilli with courgettes, artichokes, pepper, coriander and broccoli; and his own homemade organic, wheat-free plum and apple crumble. Which is best? You decide. (Or we will.)

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 38

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:00:00 GMT

In our 38th podcast - 39th if you include last week's, 37a - we get back to basics and talk about what's in the newspapers, once we've established more logistical faults with Goodnight Sweetheart, tried to apologise to Jason Manford, set Charlie Boorman a new travel task, reminisced about the job offers we got at the Radio Academy, accused Michael MacIntyre of being the mastermind behind Sachsgate and made clear, once again, that Richard is doing better on telly than Andrew, despite benign positional vertigo brought on by Marks and Spencer's ready meals.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 37a (Radio Academy)

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:30:00 GMT

In this extra bonus podcast, we do a presentation to the Radio Academy at Millbank in London, which is intended as an introduction to how we started the podcast, and why we do it, week in, week out. We hope you get something out of it. It's not this week's actual podcast, merely a little extra. Listen to the professional delegates from the radio industry, sometimes laughing at our swear words, other times totally baffled by our rambling chit chat after a day of professional presentations. Thanks to Matt Deegan, for producing the session, and for putting up the pie charts.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 37

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 6 Nov 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In our historic 37th podcast, we HAVE A LAUGH about the new world we now live in, including: Morrisons' half-price beef offer, Gary Sparrow's paucity of ambition, the chances of Ed Milliband's picture being made into a giant hat in Kenya, Lewis Hamilton's big mistake, Blake Fielder-Civil's silver tongue, Jason Manford's paucity of ambition, and a man called Barack Obama, who is the President.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 36

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:10:00 GMT

In our 36th podcast, we are the first to comment on the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross controversy, a subject thus far pretty much ignored by the rest of the media. There's just time for us to talk about the destruction of Brecht's 'fourth wall' in relation to the James Bond adverts, the origins of the phrase 'brave new world' in Shakespeare's The Tempest and whether Mike Tindall ever thinks about the fact that his girlfriend came out of a woman who came out of The Queen. We apologise for everything.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 35

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:30:00 GMT

In the 35th Collings and Herrin Podcast, Richard turns over a new leaf and promises not to swear or be crude or call Andrew an idiot or talk about having sex with the hole in the bottom of a tortoise during an operation. Within this radical rubric, we cover the George Osbourne/Oleg Deripaska/Peter Mandelson/Nat Rothschild scandal, the historic visit by 14-year-old failed Olympic diver Tom Daley to Sea World in Florida, the thorny issue of sex education for five year olds, the cost of heating a George Foreman grill for 48 hours and the dangers of staying in a hotel designed by Hanna-Barbera.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 34

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

The 34th Collings and Herrin Podcast covers the following hot news topics: the way the credit crunch is affecting Prince William, the new indecent exposure laws soon to rock the world of indecent exposure, the cream-and-seasonal-vegetable-based divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie, the election-losing teddy bear eyes of John McCain, bum-on-bum action in the Madrid derby (whatever that is), the world of 'amateur tits' and a sneak preview of our survey results. Warning: this podcast cuts off abruptly at the end, in the middle of a very funny bit. This was the software telling us to stop. Please go to www.collingsandherrinsurvey.com to take part in our survey. Thanks.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 33

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 8 Oct 2008 19:50:00 GMT

In our 33rd podcast, we cut a languid, mid-afternoon swathe through Alistair Darling's �500bn TV-screen bailout, the nude twit on the wall of the Japanese emperor's palace, Polly the tortoise in Bristol Zoo with the stretchy bandage, Lily Cole's alien face and translucent alien skin, Johnny Rotten's butter-based betrayal of everything we fought for, and Google's lunch policy

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 32

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 3 Oct 2008 10:00:00 GMT

In our 32nd, unedited podcast, back in the teetotal, audience-free safety of Richard's attic (except at night), we solve the credit crunch, dream of a utopian future where there is no racism, berate Sharon Stone, deify Bruce Parry, mock a three-year-old boy for having a permanent tattoo of Bart Simpson and alight, once again, upon Richard's Jigsaw fantasy.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 31 - Live!

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:00:00 GMT

In this, our second ever live podcast, recorded before a live audience in the Cross Kings pub in London's Kings Cross, at at benefit gig for No Sweat, we attempt to discuss the departure of Ruth Kelly from Manchester, the arrival of Paul McCartney in Israel and other pertinent issues of topicality, but get sidetracked by Constantine's breasts and people shouting things out, as people do in pubs. A great night was had by all, except the small children employed to make Richard's trainers. You can even hear us going on stage, and going off again at the end, like some bootleg.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 30

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:30:00 GMT

We are 30. In our thirtieth podcast, we ignore the global financial crisis and concentrate instead on Shepton Mallet, Strictly Come Dancing, the ongoing battle between swan and mink, future queen Kate Middleton's lack of rollerskating decorum, Bruce Parry, Creme Eggs, the Devil fox, and the striking differences between Starbucks and Caffe Nero. Still no sponsorship. For one week only: no Mitford Sisters.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 29

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This week, in our post-end-of-the-world podcast, we explain what those men in Geneva were actually trying to achieve, congratulate The Media for continuing to mislead us and do no work, catch up with what happened ten months ago in Holloway Prison, promote eugenics but not the bad kind, apply for the job of caption writer on the Express and enjoy the aroma of a roll-on deodorant that may or may not contain sodium laureth sulphate. This podcast was recorded in spite of Richard having food poisoning and Andrew having to sit near him.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 28

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 5 Sep 2008 15:45:00 GMT

Hello. In this twenty-eighth edition of The Moral Maze, we debate such burning issues Sarah Palin's surname, the likelihood of political prisoners being released due to the sight of Richard in cotton wool-filled Amnesty International pants, gang violence, gym etiquette, the sexiness of Esther Rantzen and other powerful women, and whether it's helpful to describe all paedophiles as 'monsters'. Guaranteed jingle-free. Bye.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 27

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:30:00 GMT

We return to podcasting after two weeks and one day to discuss such burning issues as whether Gary Glitter should be 'tagged', whether David Beckham was paid to kick that ball off a bus at the Olympics, just how lazy are journalists on the BBC News website and whether the Falklands need defending any more. It is indeed good to be back, good to be back. Now with added jingles!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 26

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:00:00 GMT

In this, our slightly tired twenty-sixth podcast, recorded last week in Richard's rented flat in Edinburgh, we offer up Jon Gaunt's autobiography Undaunted to the book club, pay tribute to Private Schultz, describe the previous week's Tempting Tatties performance-art 'happening' and invent a new Wikipedia game that all the family will enjoy, and does not involve vandalising it in a childish way. We are having a week off now, but plan to return the week after, refreshed.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 25 - Live!

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 6 Aug 2008 14:20:00 GMT

In this historic podcast, recorded live in front of a committed, rain-sodden, early-morning weekday Fringe audience at the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we go through the Scottish versions of the daily newspapers, and talk - into an actual PA system, but then put through the usual in-built mic on the MacBook - about a girl who looked a bit like Maddie, Heath Ledger, the cloned puppies, Jon Gaunt's Dad's tears, the man who chopped off the other man's head on a Greyhound bus and walking alongside a pigeon.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 24

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 1 Aug 2008 11:00:00 GMT

In this twenty-fourth podcast, Richard is in Edinburgh and Andrew is in London, but miraculously, they have made a podcast anyway. In it, rather than get worked up about topical matters, they discuss the wider issues of Giles Coren, Barabbas, Argentina Brunetti, the quite surreal nature of Un Chien Andalou and the precarious nature of the Collings and Herrin Podcast Wikipedia entry. Don't forget, if you're in Edinburgh, they're recording the next podcast in front of an audience at the Underbelly, Wed August 6, at 10.30am. It's free, but you have to reserve tickets.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 23

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:45:00 GMT

In our twenty-third podcast, in light of Radovan Karadzic's arrest for being an acupuncturist, we discuss the amazing disguise possibilities of growing a beard, Christian Bale getting bail, the key differences between a Milton Keynes NCP call centre operator and a concentration camp guard, and conduct a calm, reasoned, evidence-based debate about homeopathy. We also reveal details of the first ever live podcast with an audience in Edinburgh.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 22

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:30:00 GMT

In our 22nd podcast, we bring perhaps the most important news story of the year to wider notice, unfathomably buried at the bottom of Page 6 in this week's Sun, and ignored by all the other papers. We also start a campaign to make necrophilia illegal and review the 1983 TV drama Reilly Ace Of Spies. You don't get reviews of 1983 TV dramas on the Cobra Pubcast with Danny Wallace and Dom Joly.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 21

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Wed, 9 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

In our twenty-first podcast, two days early this week, we discuss corn-stuffed caviar, kelp-flavoured cold Kyoto beef shabu-shabu, hairy crab 'Kegani' bisque soup, salt-grilled bighand thornyhead with vinegary water pepper sauce, milk-fed lamb, G8 fantasy dessert and coffee. (Thanks to the G8 leaders with their faces in the trough for that menu.)

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 20

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 4 Jul 2008 13:20:00 GMT

In the relaunched podcast, which is very different to the others, we discuss theology, Nazism, Communism, homosexuality, transexualism, hypocrisy, the ageing process, the importance of context in the media and why Ian Blair should wear a tie, the idiot. (Alright, it's just like all the others.)

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 19

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:00:00 GMT

In our nineteenth podcast, we ponder our big relaunch with a brainstorming session that unequivocally rules out the possibility of a Vernon Troyer-style sex tape scandal; we also say happy one-year anniversary to Gordon Brown, give one of the more popular political parties in Henley some marketing advice, discuss the sexism of The Sun's sports coverage and have a look in our wheelie bins for Iraqis.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 18

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:45:00 GMT

In our eighteenth podcast, we look closely at David Beckham's pants, discuss the sexism of Ascot coverage, come up with a recession-beating way of saving money on stamps in Taiwan, calculate where we both stand in the celebrity hierarchy by measuring the distance between Ant and Dec and the VIP area of a fashion show in Northampton, and roundly ignore the man who said Andrew sounds like Mr Bean, thus depriving him of the oxygen of publicity. Plus! Extra 5% News Free!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 17

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

In our seventeenth podcast, we wish Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin the very best, rail against the Stop and Search policy of the Metropolitan Police because it mainly singles out Andrew, investigate the wording of the Queen's Regulations about moustaches in the RAF, and wonder whether either Planet Of The Bulls or Planet Of the Catholics would be more entertaining that the one with Apes.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 16

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 6 Jun 2008 14:30:00 GMT

In our sixteenth podcast, not by any stretch either of our finest work, unrehearsed, we discuss the Big Brother hopefuls whilst trying not to learn their names, the subtext of Planet Of The Apes, crybaby Jon Gaunt, Richard's advanced colour-blindness and our first ever review in a national magazine that's not as good as it used to be. And we go on about ginger beer - again!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 15

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Mon, 2 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

In our 15th nervous breakdown, we cover such burning issues as the Universal Studios Disaster, mini-socks, gym etiquette, Fern Britton's 'diet fib', Britain's Got Talent and 'a delicious explosion of unmatched responses.'

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 14

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 23 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In our fourteenth podcast, we try to put Lion Man behind us, and investigate the ins and outs of zoophilia, plus Crewe and Nantwich, the need for fathers, what to really do if you feel chest pains and the difficulty of sticking chewing gum on Blade Runner-style moving adverts.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 13

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Will out thirteenth podcast be unlucky? Yes, if you don't want to hear Andrew talking about Lion Man, but no, if you want to hear Richard trying to talk about pandas' hands and why Cherie Blair had to 'put out' on her first date with Tony Blair in 1976. What has Andrew been controversially drinking? Two sips of caffeine or alcohol? Find out inside!

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 12

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Sat, 10 May 2008 11:00:00 GMT

In our twelfth podcast, we defend Ant and Dec, defend Hitler, share our memories of being in the Bullingdon club and find out what we were both doing on May 5, 1982 by using our diaries. Don't turn off when we start talking about the bouncy castle as it get unexpectedly much better after it.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 11

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 2 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In our eleventh podcast, recorded during the knife-edge count in the London mayoral elections, we discuss both the 'bloodbath' and the 'meltdown' for Labour, while sparing a thought for fascist Italy, Miley Cyrus (who inspired our photo, which can be seen on www.comedy.org.uk/podcasts), drunk women in Northumbria and the fools who spend money asking 118 and 118 questions when we can answer them for free.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 10

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:30:00 GMT

In our tenth anniversary podcast, we wonder how sensational Alan Levy's memoir is going to get on Tuesday, what makes Austrians put people in cellars, why on earth would Trinny and Susannah go naked for publicity and what if Lembit Opik actually married both Cheeky Girls?

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 09

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:30:00 GMT

In our ninth podcast, we put the world to rights, albeit mainly the world of Gordon Brown's body language to the wronged Hillary Clinton, a BEFORE and AFTER spam email that we suspect is not wholly trustworthy, and the perils of taking Oasis and Lucozade onto a plane for perfectly innocent reasons. One of us is a left wing goody two shoes, but which one?

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 08

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 09:00:00 GMT

Even though Richard is on holiday, the podcast continues! We talk about Ed Balls and the human-cow hybrid and whether it's acceptable to talk about owls after a September 11th-style tragedy, and it's almost as if Richard is here.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 07

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 4 Apr 2008 07:00:00 GMT

In our seventh podcast, Richard eats a gluten-free biscuit and threatens bran-related odours, and we cover everything from Robert Mugabe and Gary Rhodes to Nick Clegg and Britannia (boo hoo, she's going from our coins).

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 06

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This week, in either our second (or third) weekly podcast, we join the nation in Carla Bruni Mania, ask why the Sun won't publish the harmless slang word "nosh" and examine our own personas within the new double act. And get a free muffin.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 05

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

In our fifth podcast, a Good Friday Special, we cover everything from our arch-rivals the Nuts Podcast, the paedo who landed, the sad death of Captain Birdseye and the sad split of Kym and Jack Ryder. And wish the new Iraq a happy fifth birthday.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 04

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:00:00 GMT

Our fourth podcast covers everything from the Budget, the Cheltenham Gold Cup, old mens' noses and wheat to the McCartney divorce settlement and the big question: whether we should do our podcast every week.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 03

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

This week, in our third podcast, we are forced to discuss Prince Harry in Afghanistan as it's the only story in all the newspapers. Plus, capital punishment, Paris Hilton's kitten, Lemsip Max and the sweaty Cupid and Fate.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 02

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

This is our second podcast. It covers everything from feral thugs and Katie Price to the Beijing Olympics (well, not literally everything, obviously). Younger listeners should be aware that 40 minutes is our new watershed, after which we stop using polite euphemisms.

Collings and Herrin - Podcast 01

Andrew Collins and Richard Herring — Fri, 1 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

In this first podcast, recorded with the in-built mic on Richard's laptop because our expensive microphones didn't work, we cover David Beckham, Britney Spears, the Woolworth's Lolita range of children's bedroom furniture, the US election and more.