http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs Colonel's Radio show. Weekly uk comedy podcast and radioshow from The Colonel Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:04:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 2006-2007 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk (Colonel's Radioshow - weekly comedy podcast from Colonel Crabtree-Smythe) info@colonelradioshow.co.uk (Colonel's Radioshow - weekly comedy podcast from Colonel Crabtree-Smythe) posts 1440 Comedy tales and funny tall stories from the ancient Colonel Comedy tales and funny tall stories from the ancient Colonel Colonel's Radioshow - weekly comedy podcast from Colonel Crabtree-Smythe Colonel's Radioshow - weekly comedy podcast from Colonel Crabtree-Smythe info@colonelradioshow.co.uk No no http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/powered_by_podpress.jpg http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs 144 144 2006-2007Society & CultureColonelsRadioshowhttp://feedburner.google.com http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/kS7LNMKwLkI/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/ayahuasca/2012/01/#comments Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:08:35 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1660 Hello ladies and gentlemen there is no time for procrastination for one must get right down to the essence of the point here! Once again...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/ayahuasca/2012/01/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/kS7LNMKwLkI" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/ayahuasca/2012/01/feed/ 0 38:36 Hello ladies and gentlemen there is no time for procrastination for one must get right down to the essence of the point here! Once again ... Hello ladies and gentlemen there is no time for procrastination for one must get right down to the essence of the point here! Once again suffice to say Sage does not understand the importance of what I am trying to accomplish and achieve in the field while trawling the depths of human experience! Sage takes things at face value, if he can see it he will engage if not he will rant like a drunk Glaswegian into the ether suggesting that everyone other than he is a fool! Sage turns everything into a pantomime ladies and cranks alike, it's as though he marvels and revels in seeing me close to breaking point as I try to take the show into a more intellectual direction, a more scientific/spiritual collection of thoughts and ideas. Our man Sage wont have it ... Does he not know of my friendships with the great Amazonian shamans, these ancients that have a knowledge of life far in advance of our own in matters of the ethereal the spiritual and psychological even in there understanding of healing and quantum physics is far ahead of ours in terms of what they understand about the science of the invisible, DNA, the double helix and even the triple helix. Our materialistic world has lost touch with what the shamans have to show us with the use of the healing brew Ayahuasca... This brew contains the powerful hallucinogen dmt which normally is not active taken on its own but the ancients found the two plants in the whole of the amazonian rain forest using an alchemy of sorts that allow the active ingredient dimethyltryptamine to work after the ingestion into the stomach, but this is not the point if you want details do some research what I am trying to get across is what an arse Sage is! Psychedelics are the way forward, the knowledge nature possesses is way beyond our puerile grasp of what reality is! I remember when myself and a few psychedelic explorers went AWOL in the late 50's... The image of our expedition into the Amazon reminds me of the film starring Klaus Kinski the famed Aguirre Wrath of God... My sparring partners were William Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg and the famous Jewish comic Mort Sahl. Now this trio of happy campers were always up for a laugh so we made our way with little trepidation to the Amazon on a log raft made from wood, well it would be wouldn't it! My point is we learned a lot regarding the nature of reality, as we saw our true selves and our troubles were ironed out by the wonder brew Ayahuasca as we were healed by the Shamans and their chanting! Nature grabbed us by the balls by the short and curlies and took us to a carnival way beyond anything I had ever seen before ... It was better than Starlight Express, Cats, and Heath-cliff all put together, and some! It was better than the local fair with its big wheels, dodgems and candy floss, it was better than the circus with its Lion tamers and master of ceremonies, clowns and Lycra clad sex bombs! It was even better than watching Ian Botham bat at Headingly in 1981 smashing the Aussies into kingdom come! It was fleeting even though it lasted weeks... a fleeting glimpse of something far greater than my perception of such a vision! The knowledge I gleaned from the experience has even now yet to fully process. The snakes who are not to be feared as they are guides, however, that said they did and can turn nasty snapping and threatening, the crocodiles, the darkness and the light! Oh the light! So when I tried to explain to Sage of the beauty of such visions I was mocked and laughed at as was Ron who had joined me on my recent trip (no pun indented) to the Amazon! Ron had become frightened at his visions even though his love of the guide snake did help him until of course it turned into Nipper Read - the Copper who had sent him down for thirty years - then I have to say things turned nasty for a while as Ron tried to strangle our Shaman guide thinking that he was a member of the Olde Bill come to take him away again.... After much expla Memoirs,,Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/ayahuasca/2012/01/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/iATp71dhZuQ/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fluffy-revolution/2012/01/#comments Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:42:36 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1648 Hello ladies gentlemen and marine life respectively, a new year has started and all the retards are still in bed, you&#8217;ve had you&#8217;re festivities and...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fluffy-revolution/2012/01/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/iATp71dhZuQ" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fluffy-revolution/2012/01/feed/ 0 41:19 Hello ladies gentlemen and marine life respectively, a new year has started and all the retards are still in bed, you've had you're festivities and ... Hello ladies gentlemen and marine life respectively, a new year has started and all the retards are still in bed, you've had you're festivities and now i'ts back to being brain dead! Sod the planet, fuck the poor and ignore what's real and alive. Cos you got pissed and now your head hurts and they have you by the balls! The streets are quiet it's our last stand so what are you panicking for? Get back to work and tow the line you better fly that corporate flag! So let's have a war, you know what for cos you've seen it on TV and all your sanctimonious niceties they don't mean shit to me! It's nearly over tis the blink of an eye with fucked up plausibility until the day that you die. So take your kids to a burger bar give them BSE or why not stick a needle in your arm and contract HIV. Yes the judge loves his black suspender belt and he let the nonce go free, the law is in the gutter and there ain't no liberty! So bring on the empty horses yes bring on the empty crowd you won't hear me shouting cos I shouts a bit too loud! My point is this my little gold diggers... all in all Sage has no sensitivity except of course the end of his over worked pumper but I digress! Sage has it in for the olde Estonians and I for one have had enough of his racist slants, I mean to say what has Estonia ever done to us? I of course tried to explain that it was the Etonians that we should be concerned about but Sage insisted that it was the state of Estonia a country that sits in the Baltic region of Northern Europe that is the cause of all the worlds problems! I tried to explain to Macorkadale that the Estonians have a good human rights recored and that they have fulfilled duty of care to her people and I explained to Sage that the country is also ranked highly fornbsp; its freedom of the press, economic freedom, democracy, political freedom and education but he Sage that is would have none of it ! Sage put on his self righteous hat and stared ranting and raving about how the Estonians have it all and still want more! Like I say ladies and limp wristers alike Sage is a retard! I will now explain what the hell has been going on over the holiday season and beyond! The point about all this is, I feel I may have sent Sage round the proverbial twist when I may or may not have suggested that the Polar bear that mauled to death an Eton school boy on a remote glacier near the Arctic circle last year was in effect or affect doing a good thing for the revolution. Or to put it another way at least the polar bears are on side as it's only the toffs who do things like entering the barren icy north to experience the hellish cold and the dangers therein! I saw Sage twitch as I made this point the veins upon his face swelled I thought a stroke may ensue, but no it was after the show that he jumped on his soap box and blamed the Estonians! Point is ladies and late night stalkers alike, each to their own and is that not what the world is all about! Sage wants to invade Estonia for some Nationalistic reason. I mean I don't think they have oil so what would be the point? I for one don't even eat meat and potatoes so to invade for the food would be a pointless endeavor all in all! However all that said the point is - while Sage wants to go to war, I would like to send a polar bear round to Number 10 Downing street to give David Cameron a taste of his own medicine. See how he likes being cut to smithereens by a creature that has been around a lot longer than his blood line, and that's saying something! Sage was having none of it so I tried to explain it another way! You see somebody told you back at school that you were a no one that you were a fool, well i got news for that sad old tool he ain't nothing without a rule, say the wheels on the bus go round and round and the girls on the back go up and down, my smile ain't fake like Tony Blair and the underclass have become aware that if time is running out then you make some more cos its ea... Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fluffy-revolution/2012/01/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/0RJVd5T_Fx4/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/stop-the-clocks-i-want-to-get-off/2011/12/#comments Sat, 31 Dec 2011 11:12:38 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1632 Mid-series special. Happy New Year everyone! Occupy Wall Street ? Or occupy ones own mind ? The Colonel has something to say on this matter,...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/stop-the-clocks-i-want-to-get-off/2011/12/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/0RJVd5T_Fx4" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/stop-the-clocks-i-want-to-get-off/2011/12/feed/ 0 46:38 Mid-series special. Happy New Year everyone! Occupy Wall Street ? Or occupy ones own mind ? The Colonel has something to say on this matter, and Sage is ... Mid-series special. Happy New Year everyone! Occupy Wall Street ? Or occupy ones own mind ? The Colonel has something to say on this matter, and Sage is driven to the point of not knowing anymore! Plus two songs from J.J.Tobin-Dudley! Happy New Year my good people, peace, and love from all at The Colonels Radioshow! LISTEN TO POD CAST WITH PLAYER ABOVE OR JOIN US ON I TUNES ! Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/stop-the-clocks-i-want-to-get-off/2011/12/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/b87sp7JQJeE/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/christmas-special/2011/12/#comments Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:47:29 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1621 Ebony and Ivory, all in it together Get into the Christmas spirit with this Christmas special as Sage is joined by The Colonel, Ron, Lindwall,...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/christmas-special/2011/12/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/b87sp7JQJeE" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/christmas-special/2011/12/feed/ 0 46:25 Ebony and Ivory, all in it together Get into the Christmas spirit with this Christmas special as Sage is joined by The Colonel, Ron, Lindwall, and ... Ebony and Ivory, all in it together Get into the Christmas spirit with this Christmas special as Sage is joined by The Colonel, Ron, Lindwall, and Featherlite! Meanwhile Mick McCarthy throws a spanner in the works with a vile Freudian slip of the tongue!Chaos ensues someone gets cut, Lindwall gets the Tic-Tac,Crabtree want to get pissed and all Sage wants is a clean Christmas show. Oh and Ainsley Harriot is livid! Maybe,Wu Tang Clan member Olde Dirty Bastard nbsp;can save Christmas? I wouldn't count on it ! Either way its better than spending Christmas with Cliff Richard! nbsp; Merrynbsp; Christmas andnbsp; a Happy new year ! Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/christmas-special/2011/12/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/ud2v77V_e_E/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/142-crumbs-of-crowley/2011/12/#comments Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:35:25 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1609 Hello and welcome toss posts and Barclays bankers alike, and now straight to the point for we dont have time for procrastination and pleasantries. These...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/142-crumbs-of-crowley/2011/12/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/ud2v77V_e_E" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/142-crumbs-of-crowley/2011/12/feed/ 0 37:48 Hello and welcome toss posts and Barclays bankers alike, and now straight to the point for we dont have time for procrastination and pleasantries. ... Hello and welcome toss posts and Barclays bankers alike, and now straight to the point for we dont have time for procrastination and pleasantries. These are serious times my good people! The dark forces are on the move the sinister ones are on the rise! Why? How? When you may ask? Well my little lemon drops Sage has been getting himself involved in the dark arts ! Yes ! As usual Sage has a scrapgoat for his misdemeanours and cretinish behaviour, ldquo;oh its not my fault Jock Strap Spalding got shot, it's Aleister Crowley's!rdquo; Sage could be heard to say in the green room after the most unfortunate incident went down! That being the shooting of the said Jock Strap Spalding! Typical bloody Sage never willing to take one for the team he is such a coward , he never stands for what he believes or what he feels, he is always someone who will jump into the flow so as not to ruffle any feathers or rock any boats. He is too weak to swim upstream,too scared to take the risk for fear of castigation or assassination. Sage is a scaredy cat ladies and gentlemen. He would rather appease a dictator than to face him down like he were in a rugby scrum, grab the fucker by the balls and drive, crush the enemy into the mud... taking his bollocks with him! He is the sort of person that would have spoken out against the Nazi party but as soon as they knock on his door he would come out saluting and praising the great leader.nbsp; Anything for the easy life. Sage would be the first to slide on a pair of jack boots and black leather gloves and go out on a march as long as it would keep him alive. Then he would tell you it's all a fabrication, a ruse, a hoax that it was subterfuge if you like, so as to get on the inside of the system and break things up from the within! Utter bollocks Sage... you blame Crowley and the Free Masons for anything negative that occurs in your day today and I for one have had enough of your tomfoolery and limp wristed hand shakes, jerkoffism, and flip flopism. I ask - can not Aleister Crowley rest in peace without halfwits like you sluring and sullying his memory. I hope you're proud of what you have done Sage, dragging his memory through the mud like that! I hope you're fucking proud! Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/142-crumbs-of-crowley/2011/12/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/s9ZJJWYTuec/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/murder-without-conviction/2011/12/#comments Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:02:04 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1601 Now they say guns dont kill people, people kill people! Or is it guns don&#8217;t kill people, rappers do? Or is it people dont kill...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/murder-without-conviction/2011/12/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/s9ZJJWYTuec" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/murder-without-conviction/2011/12/feed/ 0 41:48 Now they say guns dont kill people, people kill people! Or is it guns don't kill people, rappers do? Or is it people dont kill ... Now they say guns dont kill people, people kill people! Or is it guns don't kill people, rappers do? Or is it people dont kill people, the elite do. Either way Sage has lost it again. I won't go into detail but a gun has been fired in anger in our peaceful spring meadow of a studio. Now I genuinly believed it would be Alvyn Lindwall who would make Sage crack and how wrong was I. It turns out that the Scottish Sexual maniac Jock Strap Spalding was the goose that laid the golden egg. The sight of Spalding's flashed penis sent Sage loopy , our man Macorkadale took one look at Spaldings man part took my gun off me and went fucking insane. He unleahed hell and Spalding took one in the foot like he was Albert Donoghue of Kray Firm fame! Madness, utter cruelty ! I ask was it the penis that sent Sage into this wild action? Was it the penis that stirred the violence in Sage? Or was it the fact that it was a Scottish penis that sent Sage into his Psychotic outburst. I pesonally can't put my finger on it and truth be told who would want to?! I do wonder ladies and gentleman if it is the influence of Ronnie Kray on Sage that has turned him into a violent gun brandisher! I know Ron helped with the clean up job in the studio and to be fair to Ron he has not lost any of his old sparkle in a crisis. Memoirs,,Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/murder-without-conviction/2011/12/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/-Zb1eM5eURE/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/falling-over-with-miranda/2011/11/#comments Sun, 20 Nov 2011 19:14:33 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1586 Hello ladies and gentle folk the Colonel here and it&#8217;s time to talk about dark matters and I don&#8217;t mean the contents of Alvyn Lindwalls...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/falling-over-with-miranda/2011/11/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/-Zb1eM5eURE" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/falling-over-with-miranda/2011/11/feed/ 0 37:05 Hello ladies and gentle folk the Colonel here and it's time to talk about dark matters and I don't mean the contents of Alvyn ... Hello ladies and gentle folk the Colonel here and it's time to talk about dark matters and I don't mean the contents of Alvyn Lindwalls dungarees! For when I say dark matters I really do mean it. It is Sage again encouraging a great mind to go bad. When I say encourage I mean just that. I think the great inventor Otis Van Strapon's new invention should be openly discouraged by Sage who has always somehow had an influence on the reprobatenbsp; renegade genius that is Van Strapon ever since I had introduced them to each other while swimming at the Ironmonger Row Baths one fateful day. So I say to you or at least I put it to you Sage that artificial intelligence is a no-no-and should remain as such. I say to have Otis Van Strapon in charge of the world by virtue of leaving behind his essence when he is gone from this Earthly plain is fucking ridiculous! For tis I - Colonel Crabtree-Smythe - that shall be the one man left fighting, the last man standing when all is said and done. It will be I left to fight against the state and system, the rank and file that has shunned me for years! I shall be the saviour of the known universe! We canrsquo;t have Van Strapon's brain hooked up to a super computer ldquo;not on your nelly.rdquo; I mean - how can you Sage, how can you agree with the sullied inventor when he says that the esteemed comedian Miranda Hart must be the first one to bite the dust like she was Freddie Mercury! Yes they plan to kill Miranda when the super brain is functional due to her lack of imagination in the realms of sitcom comedy! I in fact have seen her on the Graham Norton show and she didnrsquo;t fall over once! I know she wasnrsquo;t particularly funny and I did find myself wishing that she would fall over and collapse. So in some ways I can see where Sage is coming from, but to kill her is going a bit too far ! But not for Sage... he still is plotting her demise by shooting her in the head with the Van Strapon's patented laser computerised worm invention! So cruel... and in my view unnecessary to say the least! For I feel the new tecnology could be better used. It is an absolute fact that Otis Van Strapon is brilliant, but insular in as much as he is a misogynist of the highest order! When I pointed this out to Sage he ldquo;cocked a deafenrdquo; as it were! I think Sage likes the violence of it all and his ego led madness really is starting to get the better of him! Memoirs,,Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/falling-over-with-miranda/2011/11/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/ofARkwjqZQw/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fightingtalk/2011/11/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 21:02:11 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1580 Ladies and gentlemen today you find me in bad cheer! In true fact things have become woeful. I mean, to hear Sage go on endlessly...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fightingtalk/2011/11/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/ofARkwjqZQw" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fightingtalk/2011/11/feed/ 0 35:37 Ladies and gentlemen today you find me in bad cheer! In true fact things have become woeful. I mean, to hear Sage go on endlessly ... Ladies and gentlemen today you find me in bad cheer! In true fact things have become woeful. I mean, to hear Sage go on endlessly about the limitations of the old Etonion that is Davis Cameron! Well I cannot help myself make comment and point out the jealousy and envy that runs riot like a Hackney teenager in Sage's blood. Yes it rages in him like a dodgy leaky car radiator that heats up and spews its last remnants all over the car engine. I say if yoursquo;re not careful Sage you will blow up like a Bob Hoskins pub in The Long Good Friday. All this resentment toward our great ponce leader. Sage wants absolute power ladies and gentlemen, full hand in glove unadulterated power, but without the vision or imagination to go out and get it, so he becomes miserable and bitter. Sage likes the idea of giving grand speeches in grand theatres while making grand gestures so on and so forth but he does not have the gumption to go out and do it. So to see him get so irrate about Camerons Freudian slip in the ldquo;House of Commonsrdquo; was in some ways inspiring. Sage as I, was upset by Cameron's comments in the house in recent time. I mean I can see why you're upset with the comment made by our ponce PM, ldquo;You do the fighting and I will do the talking.rdquo; What an elitist thing to have said, he may as well have said ldquo;Know your place, shut up and die when I give you the order to do so!rdquo; There is a lot to be peeved about my good people but to go out and purchase a ldquo;V for Vendettardquo; mask as Sage did and boast about your idea to blow up parliament is just silly in fact it is damn right riduculous. I mean if you're going to do something, do it! Don't ponce about in fancy dress! I say, say what you mean Sage, donrsquo;t be a coward old chap. Say what you mean, say what you have voiced in private out loud so we all can hear. What was it you said about the Cameron ancestry regarding the Irish Potato famine? Ahhhh that's it! Sage believes that Davis Cameron's great, great, great uncle, Syd Cameron stole all the potatoes from Ireland and turned them all into mash and then had a sploshing party at Balmoral. Vile stuff eh, the Elite taking the piss as usual, sploshing indeed! Utter nonsense Sage ! I do wish that you stop all your fanciful clap trap and maybe we would all be better off. Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/fightingtalk/2011/11/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/lnE_c3Yo7xE/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/episode-138-the-fly-killer-runs-amock/2011/10/#comments Sun, 16 Oct 2011 09:37:46 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1570 Welcome back, you buch of morons! Now Alvin Lindwall can be somewhat annoying, and I am the first to admit that, but to remonstrate with...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/episode-138-the-fly-killer-runs-amock/2011/10/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/lnE_c3Yo7xE" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/episode-138-the-fly-killer-runs-amock/2011/10/feed/ 0 35:55 Welcome back, you buch of morons! Now Alvin Lindwall can be somewhat annoying, and I am the first to admit that, but to ... Welcome back, you buch of morons! Now Alvin Lindwall can be somewhat annoying, and I am the first to admit that, but to remonstrate with him the way Sage does on occasions is cruel to say the least, and to say the most it is like he is pulling the wings off flies. You say I am far-fetched with this notion. Well get this, I had the opportunity to talk to one of Sage's olde grammar school contemporaries the other day and he told me of the young Sage's propensity for harming others! Not only other pupils but as I have said he used to catch flys and put them in a match box, and burn them in Hannibal Lector fashion in his potting shed! They do say that is how a sadist begins and serial killing starts. I am not suggesting that Sage would kill Lindwall but every man has a breaking point and the use of a fly killing spray in and around the studio was straining aspects of Sage deep rooted sadistic psychosis. I saw the murderous Lectorial look in his eyes as Lindwall went about his duties during our interview, and for that moment in time I saw in my minds eye an Alvin Lindwall hotpot on the stove simmering away. I am not suggesting that Sage - when it gets too much to bear will crack and cut Lindwall up in to tiny pieces and put him in the proverbial pot. I mean look at Robinson Crusoe he was tempted to eat ldquo;Man Fridayrdquo; on a Wednesday but did not and that's because Man Friday didnt spray him with fly killer. So all I am really saying is be careful Lindwall and leave Sage to his own devices, steer clear of him for I feel that it is you that is the straw that will break the camels back. Lindwall it is you, yes you, who is driving him insane! Point is, it is the last thing we need in the studio! That being a murder investigation, I dont think my nerves could take it! Memoirs,,Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/episode-138-the-fly-killer-runs-amock/2011/10/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~3/ep1jYwAg8qM/ http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/137-mein-cucmbers/2011/10/#comments Sun, 02 Oct 2011 15:00:12 +0000 Colonel Crabtree-Smythe http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/?p=1563 Bonjour ladies and limp wristers alike let&#8217;s get straight into it&#8230; I am not happy about Sage&#8217;s attitude to the wonderful slap stick comedian Miranda...<br/><a href="http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/137-mein-cucmbers/2011/10/">Read the rest...</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ColonelsRadioshow/~4/ep1jYwAg8qM" height="1" width="1"/> http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/137-mein-cucmbers/2011/10/feed/ 0 41:06 Bonjour ladies and limp wristers alike let's get straight into it... I am not happy about Sage's attitude to the wonderful slap stick comedian ... Bonjour ladies and limp wristers alike let's get straight into it... I am not happy about Sage's attitude to the wonderful slap stick comedian Miranda Hart. For I have heard on my grapevine that he has asked her to go on a picnic with him and I'm sure, in fact I'm certain, that Sage wants to show her his man part. Like I say, Sage is obsessed. He has said to me in confidence that he is really upset about the BBC and their fast tracking university graduates to their dastardly incest begotten manifest and fold! He thought that we live in a meritocracy until I gave him the full run down. I told him it's all about membership, he obviously thought I meant ldquo;show your prick to Miranda and Bobs your uncle!rdquo; How nieve can a chat show host be, and to be honest ladies and gentlmen I've seen Sage's little pumper and it's really not much to get excited about! You see ladies and gentlemen Sage has been shunned consistently by the BBC due to the fact that he barely passed his eleven plus and had just managed to scrape his way through grammer school. Now only to find himself on the dung heap of showbiz... that being a host of an internet radio show. How low can one stoop! But like I always say, fuck em, as long as you're happy, sod it. Do what you want to do!nbsp; Point is Sages jealousy knows no bounds and he is bitter, like bitter, he wont let it go. He is relentless in his resentment and blames the Oxbridge crew for his failings! Its the ldquo;poor me, poor me,rdquo; attitude, yes he keeps making the point that is if you have been in the Cambridge Footlights or have been to Oxford etc yoursquo;re in the club, fast tracked, and if not, it's ldquo;bollocks to you and piss off and fry!rdquo; But I say ldquo;Never Mind The Bollocksrdquo; and stop being so pathetic Sage. Fight them with fire dear boy. Riot on the streets of London Sage, until you get that coveted Friday night spot on the BBC! Sage says that he could list them all and that the list is a mile long of top heavy Oxbridge graduates with top jobs at the BBC and that's ldquo;just entertainmentrdquo; as Paul Weller once stated. Sage says that ldquo;these people are very talented in some cases but they are not all, as it were, deserving of their place at the top table". "Miranda whatrsquo;s that all about? I fall over all the time and no one pays me!rdquo; Sage has been heard to say in private many times, all this while he butters up the Oxbridge massive on his show Chita Chat. However, he adds that having to start on pirate radio made a man of him and the abuse he took from Tony Blackburn toughened up his hide no end, but he refuses to go into detail when it comes to the regime Jonathan King put him through! Now I donrsquo;t doubt that it was somewhat of a brave decision Sage, but you canrsquo;t say that Tony Blackburn is an example to us for his talent as a broadcaster. I do question his boating prowess- that squinty eyed tosser Blackburn should have been banned before he started, give me Wogan any day of the week, what with his cheeky Irish wit! Sage the point about all this is, due to the fact that you had made reference to Mein Cucumbers. ldquo;My Killer Cumcumbersrdquo; I hasten to add. I think that you have taken my suggestion to heart and that you wish to take Miranda on a picnic and that you want to show her your cumcumber in the vain attemt to impress her! What you hope to acheive by this debauched action I have no idea, but I am watching you Sage like the proverbial ldquo;HAWK!rdquo; And if Miranda fails to turn up for work on Monday I'm afaid the authorities will have to be informed. Point is ladies and gentlemen I fear Sage has become inspired by Fred West and may force feed Miranda his cucumber and bury her on the heath! Memoirs,,Series,14 info@colonelradioshow.co.uk no No http://www.colonelradioshow.co.uk/memoirs/137-mein-cucmbers/2011/10/ Colonel's Radioshow - weekly comedy podcast from Colonel Crabtree-SmythenonadultComedy tales and funny tall stories from the ancient Colonel