Comedy Collection

General/ "Clean" Jokes

2009-11-06T21:26:00.001-08:00

A man and a woman go to the carnival every year. Every time the man says,"Anna can we ride them airplanes that goes up for a couple of minutes then comes back down?"

The woman always replied by saying,"We don`t need to spend any extra money on them airplanes,its to expensive.Ten dollars is ten dollars.

Tom, the pilot, said," Larry, every year I hear you say you want to ride my airplanes, and every year Anna says it`s too expensive. I`ll make you a deal, if I do all of my flips and tricks with you in there with me, and you don`t say one word, I`ll give you the ride for free.

Anna and Larry discussed it and decided they would take the deal.They got up in the air and Tom did all of his tricks and flips.

Tom said,"Larry I just knew you`d say something on that first flip,but you didn`t!

Larry replied," i was going to say something when Anna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.

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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.'
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs... pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a chick with long legs and who agrees with everything I say.'

Funny Videos

2009-11-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

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Funny pictures

2009-09-25T15:40:00.001-07:00

Yo mama jokes

2009-09-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale she got angry beacuse it gave her-her zip code.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now.

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Crude black jokes

2009-08-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

"What can a pizza do that a black man can't?      -Feed a family of four."

"A black man and his black grilfriend are riding in a car, whos driving?      -The cop."

"How can you tell when a black person is lying?      -their lips are moving."

"Why are old black ladies pocket books so large?    -have to put thier lipstick

somwhere."

"What do you call 4 black guys in a car?      -tinted windows."

"What does a black person have in common with a coke machine?     -They both dont work

and take your money."

"What do you call 1,00 black people on a plane back to africa?      -A good start."

"What do you call a lot of black kids playing in the leaves?     -Rasin Brand."

Crude jew jokes

2009-08-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

The classic: "Whats the best way to torture a jew? -Give em' a free ham sandwich"

"What happens when a jew with an errection runs into a wall? -He breaks his nose"

"Whats faster than a speeding bullet? -A jew with a coupon"

"How was the copper wire invented? -Two jews over fighting a penny"

"How many jews can you fit into a car?" -2 in the back seat, 2 in the front, and a

couple hundred in the ash tray"

"Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? -The pizza dosn't screem when it

goes in the oven"

"Why'd the jews walk around the desert for 40 years? -they heard someone dropped a

quater"

"Why do jews have such big noses? -cuz all the air is free"

"Why did hitlar kill himself? -He saw his gas bill"