Comedy Plus

Mondays Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Sandee) — Mon, 20 May 2013 00:05:00 PDT

When you're getting kicked from behind, at least it means you're in front.

Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.

Silly Sunday #81

noreply@blogger.com (Sandee) — Sun, 19 May 2013 00:10:00 PDT

Silly Sunday is the place to come for weekly laughs. Rhonda of Laugh-Quotes has given me this meme to run. The rules will remain the same as she set them up. I'll do my very best each week to visit your Silly Sunday post.

Here is how it works: Laugh and Link Up!

Blog about something funny, silly or laughable – a joke, comic, funny story, etc
Add the URL of your funny blog post on the Silly Sunday Linky for the week below.

About Exercise...

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Silly Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Sandee) — Sat, 18 May 2013 00:10:00 PDT

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere else with it.

Success is relative; the greater the success, the more relatives.

If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

You must have learned from others' mistakes. You haven't had time to think all those up yourself.

People like criticism; just keep it positive and flattering.

It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind, and narrowness of the waist, change places.

Image Credit: A future Success Story