In my brief time here on this earth, I have learned that most people panic. They lose control of their minds and bodies. They make poor decisions based on limited logic and high emotion. The end result is usually disastrous.

Great leaders and heroes through history are generally known to be calm, cool and collected under pressure. Their ability to size up a situation, regardless of its circumstances, and then make a logical decision is very powerful and practical.

Sometimes these calm decisions won’t always be right, but in most cases they are far better than panicking and making the situation worse.

Hostile Situations

If you are stranded in water, lost in the woods, faced with a predator or any other hostile opponent; the best thing you can do is remain calm and look for the next best move to make.

Flailing in the water, desperately trying to stay afloat, will drain your energy. If you panic in the woods and run in the wrong direction, you could become further lost. Predators have evolved to target the weak, they can smell fear and will always pursue the insecure, isolated or injured.

The first step when faced with a stressful situation is to remove your emotions and irrational fear. If the odds seem insurmountable, which they rarely are, then you must logically calculate your best move for survival.

Calmly, yet without hesitation, observe then analyze the situation. Next, gather key information that will allow you to most effectively react and take control.

Fight or Flight

When we let our emotions run rampant, our hearts and nerves go wild. Our adrenalin starts to rush. Our bodies almost become uncontrollable. This is our instinctual fight or flight defense mechanism kicking in.

Adrenalin allows us to perform at super human levels. Our pain threshold sky rockets, we are at our strongest, and our normal risk aversion is temporarily gone. This response can be a great tool to escape stressful situations.

However,  overtime, this response can be very unhealthy. An adrenalin response is followed by spike of cortisol in our blood. This hormone is damaging; it can lower your immune system, damage the circulatory system and, among other things, cause ulcers.

After calmly assessing the initial situation, we can control our reaction. If we see a logical plan and the steps we must take to complete it; our flight or fight instinct will remain at bay. The key is recognizing your emotions, then getting a grip on them.

Taking a deep breath and quieting the mind will help you stay calm and centered.

Follow Through

Do you know anyone that remains graceful under pressure? How do they handle stressful situations? Most people are not born this way. Fortunately this trait can be acquired through effort.

The ability to remain cool is generally a result of confidence. Confidence is not achieved until experience has been earned through trail, error and conquered failure.

Repeating the process of calmly gathering information, analyzing it, then making the most appropriate maneuver can be repeated until the hostile situation has been handled.

With enough practice, this skill will become second nature. You can, and will, become the person people will look to in a time of stress.

Are you the pack leader?

I’ve noticed, in times of stress, people will instinctively look to the Alpha of the group to see his response. If people turn to you for advice or help, take it as a compliment rather than a nuisance.

Being the Alpha, or the leader, is a position of power and influence. These types of people  get the job done and subsequently get what they want. Losing your cool is a sure fire way to relinquish your power.

Every situation has an absolute best move to make. It is your duty to find it and do it! It could be the difference between success or failure, life or death.

This idea of luck is a comfortable excuse to explain away another person’s triumph. Luck is mostly a matter of preparation, skill and hard work.

If you really think about it, the idea that there is a magical force randomly granting some people luck or favor, while damning others, is outrageous. It all boils doing to statistics and probability. Fortunately for us, these chances can be influenced.

You may object by saying that sometimes people do just get lucky/unlucky and receive something they don’t deserve… and you are right.  There will always be a chance that something unforeseen goes wrong or right. However, the extent to which you can alter the outcome is greater than you may think.

Preparing for Success

Recognizing opportunities and effectively seizing them takes experience and skill. Conversely, walking through life not learning from the past or preparing for the future is a surefire way to keep yourself ‘unlucky’.

Putting your name in as many hats as possible is a habit that yields results over time. The more you are putting it out there, the more of a chance your idea, pitch, or plan has of making traction.

People often fail to put themselves out there in fear of social rejection. With zero risk, comes zero reward. I will elaborate on the art of putting it out there in the future.

Continuing on, the more people you interact with, the more opportunities you will have to connect. You will find ways to connect your goals to others, and others’ goals to your own opportunities. The creation of a mutually beneficial relationship is a beautiful and prosperous thing.

The most successful way of building this type of relationship is to actively seek out ways to help and connect other people. This may seem counter-intuitive; shouldn’t you be searching for ways you can gain?

The short answer is no, and is explained through the statistics of karma.

Statistical Karma

Karma is the eastern belief of cause and effect. Some schools of thought believe a divine force dishes out the fruits of one’s actions, while other schools believe a person is solely responsible for what their actions bring upon them.

From my perspective, karma and the good/bad events in your life boil down to statistics…

The more good deeds you do, the more positive relationships you form. Likewise with bad deeds; the more wrong you do, the less favor you will have with other people.

In other words, each interaction with another person  is an opportunity to create a positive or negative experience. How you chose to carry out that interaction will have a reverberating, or rippling, effect. Possibly unnoticed or realized until far in the future.

The more often you look to bring value to others, the more positive energy and favor you build. With each value-add, you increase the probability of good coming back to you.

This may seem like common sense, but common sense is rarely common and often is uncomfortable to practice.

Application

Recognizing the affects of karma and preparation, we should strive to take every chance to learn, grow and build positive energy.

Put your name in as many hats by actively speaking up when you hear of an opportunity that matches your, or others, interests

With enough practice you will begin creating your own good fortune and positive karma!

Generally, poor decisions and failure occur  because of two controllable variables:

1. Over analysis
2. Emotional complication

Over Analysis

We often slow or halt our learning process by over analysis. In other words, we do not allow our creative  side to grow through abstract trial and error. The time spent researching and analyzing different technical aspects of the goal take away from the time that should be dedicated to practice…

The actual attempt and practice of a skill towards an objective has the most profound effect on your ability. Unfortunately, the fear of failure motivates many people to defer practice. The term used to describe this common affliction is Analysis Paralysis. It can take hold in any facet of life; work, play, or love.

Conversely, a true master of any skill does not think of how we will perform an action. It just comes naturally. All analysis is subconscious, almost as an instinct. This idea is called Flow.

Flow is synonymous with ‘being in the zone.’ You are fully immersed in the task at hand, successfully completing each goal smoothly.  There is total peace of mind, the opposite of panic.

Emotional Complication

Almost all decisions people make have a strong emotional base to them. The best salesmen know this, and have developed skills that build rapport and positive feelings.

The ability to remove your emotions while analyzing a situation is an important concept in personal development. You have to set your ego aside and truly see the environment for what it is. Recognizing the motivation behind your  own and others ego’s is very helpful in directing outcomes.

An action based purely on initial emotions is generally not the wisest. Often times a situation can be viewed in different lights. The mentality behind ‘is the glass is half full or half empty?’ idea.

Actively applying a positive frame on an experience also contributes to favorable outcomes. It puts you on a wavelength of success, pushing you towards your end goals,  keeping you motivated.

The caveat to this is when people shift blame or responsibility to maintain positively feelings. If the fault lies on you, recognize it, then analyze the steps to correct it next time.

Becoming Better

When you balance these two variables correctly in your quest for personal development, optimal achievement can occur. This is the idea behind the learning curve.

Initially you must build a working technical knowledge base to make an attempt (science). After initial analysis and learning, trials can occur. This performance of the skill provides the opportunity to apply creativity and experimentation (art). Learning from analysis and experimentation is a very efficient method on your path to proficiency (personal growth).

Ultimately, the achievement of any goal is the commitment to get it done. The commitment to continued action and subsequent improvement is the basis for achieving your dreams.

You must approach it two fold… as a scientist and an artist.

Are you doing what is necessary to make your personal development dreams come true?

In a study titled “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You: Attentional Adhesion to Mates and Rivals” conducted at FSU, researchers found heterosexual people of both sexes spend most of their attention and eye contact on people they considered a potential mate or competition…

Furthermore, members of both sexes who were in relationships, were found to spend greater time sizing up the potential threat to their relationship. A researcher from this study said “Men tend to worry more about other men being more dominant, funny or charismatic than they are. But when it comes to concerns about infidelity, men are very attentive to highly attractive guys because presumably their wives or girlfriends may be too.”

No Brainer Study

These findings may seem a bit obvious or ‘no-duh’, but its painful how uncommon, common sense really is. I have had many conversations with people about how they are unsure of themselves or don’t know how to react to eye contact from the opposite sex.

Generally, if you have caught someone of the opposite sex looking at you, especially more than once, then they probably consider you a potential mate and have given you the green light to open conversation with them.

If you are out and looking to meet potential love interests there is a rule you should follow. It is called the 3-second rule. It states that within 3-seconds of seeing or making eye contact with someone you deem attractive, you should immediately approach and open them up for conversation.

This rule is for people just beginning to push their comfort boundaries in social situations. The 3-second, no hesitation rule helps you beat analysis by paralysis. Most people will want to talk to a cutie, but will come up with a million little reasons why they shouldn’t or can’t. Take some advice from Nike and just do it!

Most people stress out over the opening sentence way too much. Just say Hi and pick something about the venue to talk about. You should be able to gauge their interest in further conversation with you almost immediately.

If they aren’t friendly or you can’t find a connection, do you really want to spend more time on this rude stranger?

Eye Contact Dominance

When I am out, I like to play a little game with eye contact. If I meet eyes with someone, I will hold their gaze until they look away. Whoever looks away first, loses. It is a competition to see if I can dominate their eyes. If the person looks back to play again, it is practically an invitation to chat.

This little game may sound pretty easy, but depending on who you are fixing your gaze on, it can be pretty nerve racking. If you are a man locking eyes with a beautiful women, and she doesn’t look away after two seconds, things can feel pretty awkward. Your ego will compel you to look away first, but you must not!

If done properly, your eye contact opponent will find you confident and possibly worth talking to. Not many people have the audacity to hold a gaze. You’d be surprised how timid people become when faced with someone they find mate-worthy.

There are a few caveats to this dominance game. You do not want to stare down anyone who may feel threatened by it. Many men will take this as a challenge to physical confrontation. Some people may find it creepy if you grill them without the proper expression on your face. You want to exude welcoming-confidence and fun. Not a challenging, stalker-like glare.

Windows to the Soul

It is amazing how much information is given away by the eyes. The adage that “the eyes are the windows to the soul” is around for a reason. We can detect peoples intentions, emotions, truthfulness and many other qualities just from the eyes.

A lot of communication is done non-verbally and subconsciously. Often times when you have a bad vibe about someone, it is because your subconscious is picking up on incongruent or hazardous non-verbal communication cues. This is why your gut is often right.

It is pretty easy for people to lie with their words. We can consciously chose what we say. Controlling our nonverbal behavior is a different story. If there is a mismatch between what someone is saying and how they are saying it, there is information being withheld.

Knowing this, we should actively notice not just what people are saying, but how they are saying it and what their body is communicating.

There is much research on how the physical body projects one’s inward thoughts and feelings.

Check back in the future because I will be researching and writing more on this interesting topic.

Building and maintaining a strong social network is a major key to success.

This C2G Challenge aims to rekindle old friendships and strengthen bonds that have been worn down by time and neglect…

Popular Kids

In high school most people wanted to be part of the popular in-crowd. We all wanted to be invited to the right parties, have access to the cool crowds, and know the latest gossip…

As we transition to our adult and professional lives, this craving for social acceptance does not dwindle much. This is for good reason.

There is a direct correlation between the amount of people you know and the amount of opportunities you have a shot at.

Large social networks provide opportunities to jobs, love interests, fun things to do and many more.

Unfortunately, social networks do not flourish with out work and a commitment to activities that grow them. This is the reason behind today’s challenge…

The Challenge

I’ve lost touch with many of my old friends from high school and college. My goal is to reconnect with these people who have made my life great.

My challenge is as follows:

• Everyday, I will  reach out and have two, 5-15 minute, conversations with old friends or contacts from my past. 5 attempts per day.*
• I will make an effort to wish all friends a happy birthday with a phone call or a facebook message.
• I will actively make attempts to connect opportunities with people in my social network.

*If my call goes unanswered, I will leave a pleasant voice mail and a request for a call back.

The goal of each call is to catch up, attempt to match opportunities, and brighten someone’s day.

Start date: September 21st, 2009
End date: October 21st, 2009

This challenge should be relatively easy. The only hindrance will be the potential discomfort of calling someone for no real reason other than to catch up.

I’ll be updating randomly about my progress and thoughts on this challenge. I encourage you to join me in this effort to reconnect with old friends

The ability to be fully aware of your surroundings and what is happening in your mind is very important to your well being. It promotes relaxation, mental focus and increases your ability to connect with others.

It has been found that the ability to delay gratification, as opposed to succumbing to instant gratification, directly correlates with success, intelligence and general health.

Marshmallow Experiments

In an experiment, children were offered one marshmallow, but if they could wait for a certain time period before eating it, they would be granted two.

The children who immediately ate the marshmallow, and the others who delayed gratification, were tracked as they grew up. The remarkable results show a very strong, direct correlation with higher test scores, good behavior and overall success in the children who delayed gratification in order to receive two marshmallows.

Continuing this idea of  time orientation, here is a video that explains how to leverage it for an all around better life.

Application

The idea is to cherish the positive memories, learn from your failures, enjoy the pleasures of the present moment, and make decisions based on your goals for the future.

Appreciate your roots. Learn from the past. Enjoy the moment. Walk the path to your dreams.

Many people are perfectionists. They spend too much time obsessing over minor details.  If you focus on petty flaws, it’s easy to become stressed or discouraged.

Expecting perfection prematurely is a sure fire way to sabotage your goals. The key to growing is progression over time; trying to make each day better than your last. With each step forward you are closer to achieving your dreams. You will get there, as long as you keep moving forward.

Crawl, Walk, Run

There is a learning curve to practically everything in life. Becoming acquainted with a new endeavor is challenging, you must learn the basics. A metaphor of crawling can be used. Like a baby, you begin your journey of growth slowly.

Once you get a grip on the idea, progression becomes easier. You start gaining momentum. You begin walking towards your goal, stretching your legs out.  Creativity begins to strike and you start incorporating your own style.

After you’ve got your legs under you, your skill begins to rapidly increase. You begin running towards your goal. The days of crawling forward are distant moments of your past.

How do you eat an elephant?

Our dreams and goals often seem intimidating. We look at where we are, then imagine where we want to be. The road to that place seems long and arduous. We question our ability to achieve what we aim for.

If you want to eat an elephant, how would do possibly do it? One bite at a time. This is how you achieve your dreams.

Set your sights high. Where do you want to be?

Next, break down that dream in to mile stones. What series of event must take place to put you where you want to be?

Continue breaking down these milestones until you come to where you are today. What is the absolutely next tangible step to put yourself in the direction of where you want to be?

Is it to research schools or certifications? Is it to pick up the phone and schedule an interview? Figure out the smallest, first step to put yourself on the path of progression.

Ready, Fire, Aim

We are often scared to take that initial step. Sometimes we have to leap before we look. It’s a ready, fire, aim mentality.

You point yourself in the right direction, take that first shot, then evaluate what you need to do to improve. If you repeat this process over and over again, you will grow every time. You can truly discover where your passion lies.

Don’t let the Negative Nancys or the Naysaying Neds of the world discourage you from your goals. It is better to risk today, because tomorrow you can always try again.

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I would like to thank Comfort 2 Growth for giving me an opportunity to share my thoughts with his audience.

This is my first attempt at communicating my thoughts in such a way. I am not very articulate and have terrible writing skills, so please forgive my poor grammar.  As engineering major there was never much fuss over bad grammar.

Today, I will be discussing driving.  I recently took a job that requires me to commute roughly 150 miles per day.  Spending all this time on the road, I have developed some techniques to drive safely, effectively, and efficiently. Furthermore, I have also listed some of the many behaviors of other drivers that are dangerous or annoying.

Becoming an effective driver is important. A lack of road awareness and safety can land you, or others, in the hospital or the morgue. It’s easy for us to become comfortable while driving.

Follow these tips to grow your driving ability!

5 Techniques to Improve Your Driving

1.         Keep an eye on things that are happening down the road.  Not only should you pay attention to what is happening directly in front of you, but also what is happening 300-1000ft in front of you.  When I am driving and see break lights I immediately take my foot off the gas pedal.  This is common-sense driving tactic, but many people will continue to accelerate and have to hit their breaks when they could have coasted and saved some gas.

2.       Use your turn signal.  This is also one of my top pet peeves.  Not using the turn signal is illegal and inconsiderate.  Sure, not many cops are going to pull you over and ticket you for not using your turn signal, but it is always good to let other people know what you are about to do.

3.       When passing, make the pass quickly. Often I see people who go for a pass and take the next 5 miles just to get around someone.  If you are passing someone and there are others passing as well make the pass quickly and get out of the way.

4.       When going down a large hill shift into neutral.  By shifting into neutral the engine will not hold back the speed of the vehicle thus saving you gas.  Make sure to put the car back in drive before you depress the accelerator or you will only rev the engine.

5.       Always check your mirrors.  By keeping an eye on what is going on behind you, you can eliminate accidentally cutting people off.  Also, don’t forget to turn and look when changing lanes as well as using your turn signal before making the lane change.  I think I just put three things into one technique.  Oh well.

Now it is time for the pet peeves.  If you do these things to me there is a chance you will look in your rear view mirror and see some sort of Tasmanian devil behind the wheel.

My 5 Biggest Driving Pet Peeves

1.       Failing to merge. If your lane is ending, put on your turn signal and slow down or speed up, then move into the other lane without inconveniencing other drivers.  While I am on the interstate, where there is a double-lane entrance ramp that drops a lane,   someone will ride to the end of their lane, use no turn signal, and not look at all while entering the correct lane. This maneuver is dangerous. Since your lane is ending it is your responsibility to enter and merge safely.

2.      Not using the turn signal.  The turn signal lets other drivers know of your intentions. When you are at a stop sign waiting to turn, you should always communicate your path. This will prevent wasted time and road accidents.

3.       Talking on cell phones. Cell phone use while driving is distracting and dangerous. When I’m driving, I limit my time on the phone and generally tell my callers that I will call them once I am off the road.  Sometimes you need to take important phone calls.  If they are that important you should pull over so that you can pay more attention to the conversation.

4.       Going ridiculously slow in the rain.  Every time I am on the interstate while it is raining there will be countless people who will turn on their flashers and slow to 35mph and drive in the left lane beside someone who is doing the same speed.  Just because I drive a heavy truck with good tires does not mean I should be punished because you don’t know how to drive in the rain.  Move to the right lane and go your own speed.

5.       Failing to maintain speed.  95% of the time I am driving I have the cruise control set.  This serves two purposes.  First it keeps my speed low enough to not get a ticket and it also helps keep good gas mileage as you will have less engine revving by maintaining a constant speed.  It is very irritating to pass someone then have them pass you back and to continue to do a do-si-do down the road.

I know I am not a perfect driver, I don’t claim to be. We all should strive to grow and improve our skills; especially when these skills can threaten or save lives.

If there is anything you take from this article, I hope that it makes you more considerate when you are on the road.  Remember that other people have places to be too.  While driving, you’re not only taking your life into your own hands but others as well.

Please share any of your pet peeves; rubbernecking, failing to yield for emergency vehicles, no lights with wipers on, etc.  These are all bad habits but for brevity’s sake I will call it quits.

C2GC: Early Rising Update

It’s been over three weeks of the C2G Early Rising Challenge. I’ve slackened up a bit and over slept a few times, by choice, but I felt it was for best for my overall energy level.

Waking up early has definitely proved its benefits to me and I plan on practicing it past the thirty day mark.

If you have yet to attempt rising early, I recommend giving it a shot. Try it for a week. Consciously attempt to knock out a major action item before you would normally even wake up, it’s pretty enlightening.

C2GC: Ending Information Addiction

The C2GC of Ending Information Addiction is still proving tough. This may be due to my current circumstances of leveraging the web to build my income and plan out some future career steps.

I have however successfully cut down on my TV time. I am watching under an hour of TV programming daily, almost to no time at all. This however may change with the advent of Football season.

Weekend Reading and Links from around the Web

• The U.S. Tax System Explained with Beer
• Pandora - Awesome, free, web radio that finds music based on your preferences.
• Evernote - Allows you to record and remember anything, everywhere. I can jot notes to my phone, clip web media and store files on the web and access them on my phone or by computer. Great organizational tool.
• 8 Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation
• Consciousness, Qualia, and Self – A discussion about what makes us human and how our interpretation of reality differs from insects and other animals.
• Great Passwork… Anything can be accomplished with outstanding team work!

Enjoy your weekend and push some comfort boundaries!

P.S. Don’t forget to remember what it means to be an American today. Our liberties and freedoms are not granted without sacrifice.

The examples and rhetoric he uses make it very hard for anyone to disconnect with. He tells stories that force you to agree with in fear of being labeled heartless and uncaring towards suffering people

Obama’s ability to market his ideas and message has rarely been seen before in a President. All marketeers should take lesson in how Obama orchestrated his path to the white house. It was pure marketing and persuasive genius.

These skillful tactics that Obama employs make it easy for people to rally emotion behind. Unfortunately, Obama’s messages seem to be more fantasy than truth. More idealistic than feasible. It seems that more and more people are beginning to discover that there may not be much substance behind his powerful rhetoric, as seen in his tanking public opinion poll numbers.

His promises and plans all seem great when he talks of them. Not once did he explain how his plans will actually work. He only stated his intended outcomes; not the necessary leg work, sacrifices, and risks involved.

Proper health care reform is critical for this country. Unfortunately reform can either take us in two directions. Either to a more efficient and effective method to support our citizens; or towards a more bloated, debt-ridden, corrupt system that burdens our future.

I personally do not know the answer or plan to solve this country’s health care crisis. However, I do recognize that people must learn to pull the wool off their eyes and examine the facts and concrete plans that lie underneath the rhetoric.

I found the GOP response by Rep. Boustany quite interesting and I encourage you to check it out. You can find the video here.

Here is another essay on the Obama’s address last night that examines the promises he made in more detail.