Although, I have found your article nearly two year’s after you’ve written it, I could not have found it at a better time. I lived with my ex-boyfriend for a year and I can only remember one or two times I ever felt heard, validated, or that my opinion was respected and truly mattered. I am reflecting today, because although he moved out 7 months ago, (in his words our relationship was ‘too stressful’ for him) we still are talking. And, as he continues to ‘write’ his emails to me, we could be together if:

-I weren’t soo emotional
-I wasn’t so needy
-I wasn’t so demanding
-If I didn’t have so many expectations
-If I didn’t yell and scream
-If I would admit I have anger management problems
-If I were happy with ‘myself’
-Etc. Etc. Etc. !

I tried talking to him very early in our relationship regarding hearing my point of view. He’s such a terrible listener, that when I start a sentence and he disagrees with it, he can not contain himself and blurts out his defense. I’ve never heard him once say that he was wrong about anything. He’s half-arsed remarked, ‘yeah, I know I could be a better listener’..but, doesn’t change any of it. I’ve researched articles on the internet for both of us to communicate better, and he dismissed every attempt as “he doesn’t need random people telling him how to have a conversation”. It’s been a really frustrating year. I have made my share of mistakes, and lost my temper quite a few times. I remember rolling over in bed one night and straddling him, covering his mouth with my hand saying “why can’t you just listen to me???” and, then I do yell, because he’s constantly interjecting and talking over me. I get hurt, upset and cry about it and then only blamed for the yelling or violent behavior. (ive pushed him out of my way before, punched in him the arm, etc.) Nothing seems to stop this madness. Last night, I was crying again pleading with him to just hear me.. he kept speaking louder and louder simply saying my name repeately so I could not be heard. This is so hurtful. Finally, he calls me crazy (because I am screaming over him), I need ‘therapy’, and he’s going to send the ‘men in the little white coats’ to come and get me because he’s in fear I’ll harm myself!

Your title fits perfectly. “It doesn’t mean, he’s not a Dick”.

Thank you!