I don’t know how I found this site, Taylor. It was probably one of those infamous, find-people-in-your-address-book-things. It’s actually the second time I’ve felt an affinity with you. Last month (and I just checked again), you and I were matched as “high” on last.fm. At that time, I kinda said to myself, “Cool, I’ll have to talk tunes with him one day.”

And then I found this place. I’ve started with the first blog and want to take them slowly, like a journey. I’m starting a four year Efm program at my church through the University of the South (http://www.sewanee.edu/EFM/index.htm) next month. That’s a journey too.

As SEOs, we gather data, match that science with art and change the online experience for people we’ll never meet. Shutting off that SEO switch in faith is a funny little dance. It’s not a question of faith, but of reconciliation.

So here’s my regret story that I still remain in the process of forgiving myself for. I was inhouse at the time, if you can call it that, and taking 4 planes a week to get from DC to Memphis for almost a year. I really mismanaged my staff because I was also trying hard to launch my startup. My first SES conference was still a few months away.

On Sunday, my wife and I would check in on the weather because I flew early Mondays, arriving in Memphis before lunch. When I saw Katrina entering the Gulf, I remember blurting out, “If that hits one of the cities, it’s going to be a disaster of Biblical proportions”

There was no reason for me to be so dramatic, but it was huge. We both know the I-10 corridor because she had gone to FSU and I had extensively with one of my reps around Biloxi, Pensacola and been to NO plenty of times.

There was a FEMA rep on my flight from Atlanta to Memphis Monday morning, but I didn’t think much of it beyond, “Wow, bad storm”.

By Monday night, we were all transfixed by what was happening just a couple of hundred miles away. My team was full of super-smart quants. I had folks with advanced degrees in stats, finance and so on. They were in the hotel tv bar watching tv, and I had a powerful urge to do something to help.

I went down there, spoke to them and suggested we each rent a van, stuff it full of non-perishables, drive to NO, drop off the supplies and take people back to Memphis. That was my plan. No details. We could all swing the expenses–we were well paid. After everyone debated for a while, it was clear nothing was going to happen.

I was back in my hotel room and I knew I felt the Holy Spirit saying “Just go”. I could have been in New Orleans by myself with supplies before dawn and also taken 6 or 8 people back with me.

I went to work.

When we truly understood the devastation, I was emotionally torn apart. Our minister asked for people willing to take in displaced families. A shot at redemption, I figured, and my wife and I zoomed up to go do that, offering up our home for as long as anyone needed it.

But they had enough families and they didn’t need us.

I never got a chance to really help, boots-on-the-ground help, and it’s been years trying to forgive myself for inaction. But I’ve learned to listen to that strong feeling. I’ll bet you have too. And while you didn’t hep Nathanial directly that night, and I didn’t help some folks who needed it during Katrina, we both learned powerful lessons.

I’m sometimes told I give too much, and it has impacted my finances and my business. I don’t ignore that teaching anymore, and now I try to achieve balance.

I’m sure Nathanial has forgiven you. I know God has forgiven me. Once I completely forgive myself (and this long comment may be a way of doing so), the circle will be complete and I can move on without regret.

Taylor, I can’t tell you how excited I am to read your blog.

Take good care. I have to scoot and get dressed for church. I have a habit of getting there as our clerical folks are lining up in the Narthex to enter. I think by now they expect it!

Talk soon,
George

I don’t want to seem like I’m always promoting my dad’s stuff, but he has a book that addresses a lot of these topics, too. http://www.amazon.com/Where-Was-God-Questions-Disasters/dp/1414311443

I guess what makes religion such a difficult concept for me to grasp and to stick to is not getting a clear answer. I’m the kind of person who needs a solution and until I have a definite answer I will keep questioning. I have a feeling that’s going to cause a lot of frustration for me in this journey.

You are correct that we make choices and face the consequences of those choices. But there are so many situations that are outside of that paradigm. The people in Japan who suffered the earthquake and tsunami – what choice had they made that they were facing the consequence of? To live in Japan? That’s not a sin. There’s simply often no clear-cut reason why bad things happen. It’s not always the result of a bad decision.

Whenever you are discussing philosophy, make sure you take every idea to its furthest end point. That is when you really see if it is logical or not. For instance, in the scenario you paint, God is not in complete control. Think about that for a minute. How can he then answer prayer? How can he work all the circumstances of the universe to his ultimate end game (as described in the Bible, especially Revelation), if most things are out of his control and are simply the random consequences of human decision? The answer is that he could not.

Also keep in mind the attributes of God. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. That means he knows the future – he knows the consequences of all of our decisions. If they thwarted his plans, he would change them. By allowing them to stand, he is giving them, at the very least, his tacit approval which means…you guessed it…they are pre-determined. God does not play by our rules. For him to allow something to happen is the same as if he planned it. Because if he didn’t want it to happen, he would stop it.

There is much more to think about when it comes to free will vs. predestination. I will tell you that long ago, I stopped thinking of it as “vs” and started thinking of how they can both be true. That is the most interesting puzzle.

Keep thinking, keep reading, and keep praying! You are a true seeker.

I’ve found it to dramatically improve what I take away from my readings and even though I’ve not been anything close to as regular with it as I should be, I do feel like I get more out of it that way. It sounds similar to the more deliberate approach you’re taking and I think that’s really the root of it. We shouldn’t just read, we should read & learn from it.