Comments for Gori GIrl http://gorigirl.com intercultural relationship stories and advice Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:32:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by Lurker frequent http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2134 Lurker frequent Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:45:18 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2134 Good points Aditya.<br>I agree with the challenges of newer cultures bringing in improvements in thinking, by the actions of a creed of people. More examples would be India learning how to govern itself democratically by having the British teach us. <br>And, yes, as the whole world is mixing, and city life in Tokyo today is not very different from city life say in Toronto. <br>However, all said and done; Bangla/. Marathi/ Punjabi (in my case)/ and so many other different subcultures cultures are strong and retain their aesthetics, solely because of a continuity that is maintained in the ways of the people of that culture. No culture is superior to any other. However, all said and done, the older cultures are richer in "consciousness" if you may; because of the number of generations of people who have evolved it, by living within it. For example, it would have taken 1 million generations from homo erectus to evolve to homo sapiens. Extrapolating from this ; the older the culture, in some ways, the more intricate it is. <br>It is the loss of these intricacies via inter cultural marriage that i refer to in my first question. These may or may not be valuable in their own respect, but they are there, and they do make Asian heritages very rich. Good points Aditya.
I agree with the challenges of newer cultures bringing in improvements in thinking, by the actions of a creed of people. More examples would be India learning how to govern itself democratically by having the British teach us.
And, yes, as the whole world is mixing, and city life in Tokyo today is not very different from city life say in Toronto.
However, all said and done; Bangla/. Marathi/ Punjabi (in my case)/ and so many other different subcultures cultures are strong and retain their aesthetics, solely because of a continuity that is maintained in the ways of the people of that culture. No culture is superior to any other. However, all said and done, the older cultures are richer in “consciousness” if you may; because of the number of generations of people who have evolved it, by living within it. For example, it would have taken 1 million generations from homo erectus to evolve to homo sapiens. Extrapolating from this ; the older the culture, in some ways, the more intricate it is.
It is the loss of these intricacies via inter cultural marriage that i refer to in my first question. These may or may not be valuable in their own respect, but they are there, and they do make Asian heritages very rich.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by Mimi http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2133 Mimi Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:40:42 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2133 Excellent blogs! Such good advice, knowledge, Wisdom, from your parents-in-law, GG! You have married into a good family. Your heart and possibly, your critical-thinking skills?, have led you wisely. <br><br>These blogs are very good in that there is such good advice for every couple, not just intercultural ones. If more american couples followed such advice, and place more importance for family (extended also), I think there would be much less breaking up of couples, than happens here in the U.S.<br><br>(Note: although it appears that your mom is (WAS) messy, she is only a collector of information and never has enough time to "archive" everything. :) She wishes to make this point clear as she is clean in the fact of cleaning dirt, messes, up. And you & your brother did not learn to clean up because you would not listen to me and I did not believe in spanking you. And you both DID pick up your toys every night.) :) Excellent blogs! Such good advice, knowledge, Wisdom, from your parents-in-law, GG! You have married into a good family. Your heart and possibly, your critical-thinking skills?, have led you wisely.

These blogs are very good in that there is such good advice for every couple, not just intercultural ones. If more american couples followed such advice, and place more importance for family (extended also), I think there would be much less breaking up of couples, than happens here in the U.S.

(Note: although it appears that your mom is (WAS) messy, she is only a collector of information and never has enough time to “archive” everything. :) She wishes to make this point clear as she is clean in the fact of cleaning dirt, messes, up. And you & your brother did not learn to clean up because you would not listen to me and I did not believe in spanking you. And you both DID pick up your toys every night.) :)

]]> Comment on From Atheist to Hindu? Religion and My Intercultural Marriage by chad http://gorigirl.com/from-atheist-to-hindu#comment-2132 chad Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:34:05 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=751#comment-2132 I am really glad to have stumbled upon this blog! I am married to an American woman of Indian descent and enjoy the entries. <br><br>I also grew up in a UU church, though don't attend now. I would echo the sentiment that UU churches really can differ and my experience is that many of them have a large population of people who have a chip on their shoulder about religion. I am so glad to have grown up there and been exposed to religion and philosophy of all sorts. I actually have more interest in Hinduism than my wife as her parents followed Christianity as well as Hinduism (damn Missionaries!) and when they moved to rural Virginia, Christianity was the path of least resistance. I am really glad to have stumbled upon this blog! I am married to an American woman of Indian descent and enjoy the entries.

I also grew up in a UU church, though don't attend now. I would echo the sentiment that UU churches really can differ and my experience is that many of them have a large population of people who have a chip on their shoulder about religion. I am so glad to have grown up there and been exposed to religion and philosophy of all sorts. I actually have more interest in Hinduism than my wife as her parents followed Christianity as well as Hinduism (damn Missionaries!) and when they moved to rural Virginia, Christianity was the path of least resistance.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by FrancesC http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2130 FrancesC Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:50:59 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2130 I've been reading for a while, too, but don't remember if I've commented before. Thanks for this post, GG. Your in-laws are wonderful! Not only are they both quite beautiful to look at, they are clearly lovely people. I wish my (Punjabi) in-laws, especially my MIL, were still alive to have a similar discussion with. They were also incredibly accepting of me, their American bahu, and always told me that they thought of me as a daughter as much as their own daughters. I've been reading for a while, too, but don't remember if I've commented before. Thanks for this post, GG. Your in-laws are wonderful! Not only are they both quite beautiful to look at, they are clearly lovely people. I wish my (Punjabi) in-laws, especially my MIL, were still alive to have a similar discussion with. They were also incredibly accepting of me, their American bahu, and always told me that they thought of me as a daughter as much as their own daughters.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by Aditya http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2129 Aditya Tue, 14 Jul 2009 11:25:29 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2129 Hi LF, welcome to the blog...<br><br>I assume that the question is directed more towards me (since I'm the *Indian* half of the relationship).<br><br>I'm glad you brought up this question, because I do hear this argument a lot (though not here)...<br><br>I do believe that India has a very old and rich tradition, but I do not put any credence in preserving the tradition as is. The beauty of Indian culture and tradition has been in its ability to evolve over time and assimilate newer (and foreign) cultures within it...<br><br>From Alexander's generals, to the Mughals, to Annie Besant. India assimilated their foreign traditions, and made it their own... <br><br>The point at which we start trying to "preserve" our traditions, we'll become monoliths of a bygone era. The survival of traditions is in being able to remain relevant with changing times. Even following Hindu traditions & scriptures, you can see clear evidence of the evolution of Hinduism when it responds to new "challengers" like Buddhism (Bhagavad Gita), Islam (Vedanta revival) and Christianity (Vivekananda). <br><br>I do think that the argument (or preserving traditions) are well intentioned, but the fact of the matter is that traditions must be revisited constantly to remain relevant. If we froze our traditions as they were in the 16th century, we'd still have women locked in the kitchen. <br><br>Unfortunately, this argument is also being made all over the world today to deny basic human rights to minorities and oppressed groups... from the denial of political rights to women, to outlawing gay marriage, the mantra of "this is not how it has always been" has become the central "argument" against progress of society.<br><br>In the reality of the globalized world of today, intercultural relationships give us a glimpse of a future where the free flow of information and people have broken down meaningless antiquated boundaries. Hi LF, welcome to the blog…

I assume that the question is directed more towards me (since I'm the *Indian* half of the relationship).

I'm glad you brought up this question, because I do hear this argument a lot (though not here)…

I do believe that India has a very old and rich tradition, but I do not put any credence in preserving the tradition as is. The beauty of Indian culture and tradition has been in its ability to evolve over time and assimilate newer (and foreign) cultures within it…

From Alexander's generals, to the Mughals, to Annie Besant. India assimilated their foreign traditions, and made it their own…

The point at which we start trying to “preserve” our traditions, we'll become monoliths of a bygone era. The survival of traditions is in being able to remain relevant with changing times. Even following Hindu traditions & scriptures, you can see clear evidence of the evolution of Hinduism when it responds to new “challengers” like Buddhism (Bhagavad Gita), Islam (Vedanta revival) and Christianity (Vivekananda).

I do think that the argument (or preserving traditions) are well intentioned, but the fact of the matter is that traditions must be revisited constantly to remain relevant. If we froze our traditions as they were in the 16th century, we'd still have women locked in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, this argument is also being made all over the world today to deny basic human rights to minorities and oppressed groups… from the denial of political rights to women, to outlawing gay marriage, the mantra of “this is not how it has always been” has become the central “argument” against progress of society.

In the reality of the globalized world of today, intercultural relationships give us a glimpse of a future where the free flow of information and people have broken down meaningless antiquated boundaries.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by Lurker frequent http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2128 Lurker frequent Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:20:04 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2128 Hi guys. I really like your blog, and your very well done posts.<br>As an Indian in the USA; the only reason I would not want to marry a local is to not "lose"<br>my own traditions and culture. Minds meeting , and matching interests and hearts are more important, but certainly , coming from an old and rich tradition, one would want to preserve it by having a completely Indian family, no?<br>Thoughts? Hi guys. I really like your blog, and your very well done posts.
As an Indian in the USA; the only reason I would not want to marry a local is to not “lose”
my own traditions and culture. Minds meeting , and matching interests and hearts are more important, but certainly , coming from an old and rich tradition, one would want to preserve it by having a completely Indian family, no?
Thoughts?

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2127 GoriGirl Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:17:58 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2127 Yup. I only blog under an assumed name because I don't particularly want this site coming up when future employers google my name - not because I'm trying to keep it hidden from the family in any way. Yup. I only blog under an assumed name because I don't particularly want this site coming up when future employers google my name - not because I'm trying to keep it hidden from the family in any way.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2126 GoriGirl Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:12:53 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2126 Ha! <br>Ask, and apparently you shall receive. I got an email from Dada (who Maa & Baba are currently staying with) with old scanned pictures. You can find 'em <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/gorigirl/sets/72157621416237036/" rel="nofollow">here at my flickr site</a>. Ha!
Ask, and apparently you shall receive. I got an email from Dada (who Maa & Baba are currently staying with) with old scanned pictures. You can find 'em here at my flickr site.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by sf_sg http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2124 sf_sg Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:42:56 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2124 "Baba: ...I have been reading your blog..."<br><br>Oh! Well, then, hi GG's Baba (and Maa?)! <br><br>Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with all us of! “Baba: …I have been reading your blog…”

Oh! Well, then, hi GG's Baba (and Maa?)!

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with all us of!

]]> Comment on India’s Delicious Products - Or, Why Can’t We Get That Here? by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/indias-delicious-products-or-why-cant-we-get-that-here#comment-2123 GoriGirl Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:08:36 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/indias-delicious-products-or-why-cant-we-get-that-here/#comment-2123 I'll be sure to try Hakka noodles if I happen to see them at the grocery, Rajesh. Thanks for the tip!<br><br>My husband's parents always pick up Parle-G's for morning tea when we go shopping with them here in the US, so there's at least one couple based out of India who like them. I'll be sure to try Hakka noodles if I happen to see them at the grocery, Rajesh. Thanks for the tip!

My husband's parents always pick up Parle-G's for morning tea when we go shopping with them here in the US, so there's at least one couple based out of India who like them.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2122 GoriGirl Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:06:12 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2122 I'll pass on the compliments, in case they don't read the comments section. They ARE super nice, and I'm rather lucky to have 'em. :-D Oh, and there are a few family photos floating around of Maa & Baba when they were younger, but I don't think we have any digital versions. I'll pass on the compliments, in case they don't read the comments section. They ARE super nice, and I'm rather lucky to have 'em. :-D Oh, and there are a few family photos floating around of Maa & Baba when they were younger, but I don't think we have any digital versions.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2121 GoriGirl Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:04:24 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2121 Thanks for the tip on the Hindi learning, TD. I'm more of a visual learner than a aural one, but I suppose it's worth a try. :-) Thanks for the tip on the Hindi learning, TD. I'm more of a visual learner than a aural one, but I suppose it's worth a try. :-)

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2120 GoriGirl Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:02:43 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2120 They are really great together - they bicker a fair amount, just like Aditya and I do - except that normally I can only tell from the tone because most conversations between them happen in lightning fast Bengali.<br><br>Marriage IS a big responsibility, but... I don't know, something about the phrasing from Maa has set me to thinking about how different people (and cultures) <i>view</i> that responsibility. I probably will follow up with her at some point. They are really great together - they bicker a fair amount, just like Aditya and I do - except that normally I can only tell from the tone because most conversations between them happen in lightning fast Bengali.

Marriage IS a big responsibility, but… I don't know, something about the phrasing from Maa has set me to thinking about how different people (and cultures) view that responsibility. I probably will follow up with her at some point.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2119 GoriGirl Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:59:28 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2119 You left out the rest of my sentence "but then I know of a lot of polls and gov't data to back me up." While I realize that the data in developing countries is wretched (first day of graduate-level coursework in Development Economics is always "the data is patchy, and untrustworthy, anyways"), I still think it's incorrect to make such a sweeping (and absolute) claim based on personal observation alone, when your personal experiences are, extremely limited (and biased, of course) in comparison to the population size. And that's leaving aside the fact that humans are subject to so many <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases" rel="nofollow">cognitive biases</a> that <i>also</i> screw up the "data" that is got from personal observations.<br><br>Yeah, I know I'm a bit out of the norm in my thinkings on this matter - it's a subject that got beat into my head from having studied economics, philosophy (especially phil. of the mind), and statistics. I'll stop now, but my objection still stands. :-)<br><br>--------------<br><br>As far as what I know about Indian culture & such.... well, thanks for the compliment. I've taken a couple of courses, read widely from various nonfiction books & academic articles (continue to do so, in fact, but I spend more time with the Indian blogosphere now), and ask a lot of dumb questions of my husband and his family. And then I let it sit in my head for awhile 'til a blog post bubbles it's way out. Really, I don't know nearly as much about India as my husband knows about the US - given that we live here & all. I think it's only fair to him and his family that I educate myself so that American culture doesn't overrun our lives or lifestyle. You left out the rest of my sentence “but then I know of a lot of polls and gov't data to back me up.” While I realize that the data in developing countries is wretched (first day of graduate-level coursework in Development Economics is always “the data is patchy, and untrustworthy, anyways”), I still think it's incorrect to make such a sweeping (and absolute) claim based on personal observation alone, when your personal experiences are, extremely limited (and biased, of course) in comparison to the population size. And that's leaving aside the fact that humans are subject to so many cognitive biases that also screw up the “data” that is got from personal observations.

Yeah, I know I'm a bit out of the norm in my thinkings on this matter - it's a subject that got beat into my head from having studied economics, philosophy (especially phil. of the mind), and statistics. I'll stop now, but my objection still stands. :-)

————–

As far as what I know about Indian culture & such…. well, thanks for the compliment. I've taken a couple of courses, read widely from various nonfiction books & academic articles (continue to do so, in fact, but I spend more time with the Indian blogosphere now), and ask a lot of dumb questions of my husband and his family. And then I let it sit in my head for awhile 'til a blog post bubbles it's way out. Really, I don't know nearly as much about India as my husband knows about the US - given that we live here & all. I think it's only fair to him and his family that I educate myself so that American culture doesn't overrun our lives or lifestyle.

]]> Comment on Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two) by Sports Fan http://gorigirl.com/intercultural-interviews-indian-parents-perspective-part-two#comment-2118 Sports Fan Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:49:08 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/?p=849#comment-2118 I would like to be superficial here and just say that your in-laws are so good looking! Your ma is so beautiful, and Aditya's father is handsome! They also look like the nicest of people. You are very lucky to have married into this family.<br><br>I would love to see photos of your in-laws as a young married couple. They must be just beautiful. I would like to be superficial here and just say that your in-laws are so good looking! Your ma is so beautiful, and Aditya's father is handsome! They also look like the nicest of people. You are very lucky to have married into this family.

I would love to see photos of your in-laws as a young married couple. They must be just beautiful.

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