Comments for Happily Un-Married http://www.wecohabitate.com Another WordPress weblog Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:27:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by John Curtis http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-11 John Curtis Sat, 04 Apr 2009 23:58:06 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-11 The fact is that years of condemnation appear to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless. Additionally, new studies show that the once negative stigma about cohabitation is changing which helps produce more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods. New findings from a Cornell study show that the odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage. Other studies found that women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who went straight to marriage. I think we must “reinvent” and raise our expectations of cohabitation, and our attitudes toward those who decide to live together. There is a commonly held myth that marriage means you will “live happily ever-after.” However, there is no similar assumption of cohabitation other than “it won’t last” which helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy. John The fact is that years of condemnation appear to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless.

Additionally, new studies show that the once negative stigma about cohabitation is changing which helps produce more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods. New findings from a Cornell study show that the odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage. Other studies found that women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who went straight to marriage.

I think we must “reinvent” and raise our expectations of cohabitation, and our attitudes toward those who decide to live together. There is a commonly held myth that marriage means you will “live happily ever-after.” However, there is no similar assumption of cohabitation other than “it won’t last” which helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

John

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by John Curtis http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-10 John Curtis Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:09:13 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-10 Research reports vary widely and while the news about cohabitation has been negative for many years, new studies are beginning to reveal a much more positive picture. The undeniable facts are that the rate of marriage in America has been in steady decline for decades while the rates of cohabitation are skyrocketing. In addition, the "face" of cohabitation has been transformed from those who due to socioeconomic levels have higher incidents of a variety of psychological problems to couples who cohabit for a wide range of reasons. There are couples who do not believe in marriage, couples who for economic reasons cannot marry, i.e. loss of retirement benefits, couples who do not trust the institutions of church and state to validate their relationship. These are just a few of the millions of productive, committed and happy couples who regardless of the scare tactics will continue to cohabit. The goal of my book and website is to change the way we view cohabitation and the way cohabiting couples view themselves. IF we were to raise our expectations and offer a greater sense of welcoming and support to these couples, we have an opportunity to help them strengthen and stabilize their relationships which increases the possibility that they will marry. Ignoring, condemning, judging and keeping them in the shadows has done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation... it is time for a new approach. Research reports vary widely and while the news about cohabitation has been negative for many years, new studies are beginning to reveal a much more positive picture. The undeniable facts are that the rate of marriage in America has been in steady decline for decades while the rates of cohabitation are skyrocketing. In addition, the “face” of cohabitation has been transformed from those who due to socioeconomic levels have higher incidents of a variety of psychological problems to couples who cohabit for a wide range of reasons. There are couples who do not believe in marriage, couples who for economic reasons cannot marry, i.e. loss of retirement benefits, couples who do not trust the institutions of church and state to validate their relationship. These are just a few of the millions of productive, committed and happy couples who regardless of the scare tactics will continue to cohabit.

The goal of my book and website is to change the way we view cohabitation and the way cohabiting couples view themselves. IF we were to raise our expectations and offer a greater sense of welcoming and support to these couples, we have an opportunity to help them strengthen and stabilize their relationships which increases the possibility that they will marry. Ignoring, condemning, judging and keeping them in the shadows has done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation… it is time for a new approach.

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by dropjack.com http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-9 dropjack.com Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:02:59 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-9 <strong>• Advantages of Cohabitation | Happily Un-Married...</strong> While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked... • Advantages of Cohabitation | Happily Un-Married…

While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked…

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by jmur http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-6 jmur Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:58:11 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-6 With all these so called "advantages", why do cohabiting couples have only a 1 in 5 chance of a lifelong loving relationship, higher incidents of physical abuse and depression, higher levels of violence against children involved, lower levels of commitment vs. married couples, and greater incidents of sexual infidelity? These facts have been shown by numerous research studies (e.g. Rutgers University Marriage Project and others). Apart from selling books by telling some people what they want to hear, I have a hard time seeing what value your book and web site provide, apart form deceiving couples. Jeff Happily and Passionately Married to My Bride of 30 Years With all these so called “advantages”, why do cohabiting couples have only a 1 in 5 chance of a lifelong loving relationship, higher incidents of physical abuse and depression, higher levels of violence against children involved, lower levels of commitment vs. married couples, and greater incidents of sexual infidelity? These facts have been shown by numerous research studies (e.g. Rutgers University Marriage Project and others).

Apart from selling books by telling some people what they want to hear, I have a hard time seeing what value your book and web site provide, apart form deceiving couples.

Jeff

Happily and Passionately Married to My Bride of 30 Years

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