Comments for Happily Un-Married http://www.wecohabitate.com Another WordPress weblog Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:05:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 Comment on Cohabitation Nation! by John Curtis http://www.wecohabitate.com/cohabitation-nation/comment-page-1/#comment-57 John Curtis Mon, 11 Jan 2010 16:15:06 +0000 http://wecohabitate.com/blog/?page_id=18#comment-57 There is strong evidence that cohabiting does NOT work well as a mechanism to test marital compatibility since those who cohabit and then marry are more likely to divorce. However, it has been shown recently that only 5% of woman and 9% of men report they cohabit to test marital compatibility. The vast majority do so to spend more time together. Most important, the "scary" statistics have done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation. It is currently estimated that 12 million couples live together. I do not think they are all WRONG and telling them what the research says is useless. Instead, we need to work to raise society's expectations of cohabiting couples, make them feel welcomed and engage them in a dialogue about what is good and positive in their decision to risk cohabiting. Ultimately, we need to help these couples strengthen and stabilize their relationship with the hopes of building a committed relationship whether they ever decide to marry or not. There is strong evidence that cohabiting does NOT work well as a mechanism to test marital compatibility since those who cohabit and then marry are more likely to divorce. However, it has been shown recently that only 5% of woman and 9% of men report they cohabit to test marital compatibility. The vast majority do so to spend more time together.

Most important, the “scary” statistics have done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation. It is currently estimated that 12 million couples live together. I do not think they are all WRONG and telling them what the research says is useless. Instead, we need to work to raise society’s expectations of cohabiting couples, make them feel welcomed and engage them in a dialogue about what is good and positive in their decision to risk cohabiting. Ultimately, we need to help these couples strengthen and stabilize their relationship with the hopes of building a committed relationship whether they ever decide to marry or not.

]]> Comment on Cohabitation Nation! by Live Together - Relationships - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - Page 8 - City-Data Forum http://www.wecohabitate.com/cohabitation-nation/comment-page-1/#comment-56 Live Together - Relationships - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - Page 8 - City-Data Forum Mon, 11 Jan 2010 15:46:34 +0000 http://wecohabitate.com/blog/?page_id=18#comment-56 [...] by David Popenoe The Risk of Cohabitation www.ncfamily.org/PolicyPapers/Findings%200506-Cohabit.pdf Cohabitation before marriage | Living together before marriage Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage and Choosing a Marriage Partner Relationship Advice: 10 [...] [...] by David Popenoe The Risk of Cohabitation http://www.ncfamily.org/PolicyPapers/Findings%200506-Cohabit.pdf Cohabitation before marriage | Living together before marriage Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage and Choosing a Marriage Partner Relationship Advice: 10 [...]

]]> Comment on • Boomers Ruin Shacking Up! by Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Great Debates - Page 5 - City-Data Forum http://www.wecohabitate.com/boomers-ruin-shacking-up/comment-page-1/#comment-54 Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Great Debates - Page 5 - City-Data Forum Sat, 05 Dec 2009 00:15:20 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=59#comment-54 [...] is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage.... Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage IMHO such hyperbole is better off in Politics and Controversies. I am a boomer and have been [...] [...] is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage…. Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage IMHO such hyperbole is better off in Politics and Controversies. I am a boomer and have been [...]

]]> Comment on • Boomers Ruin Shacking Up! by Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Great Debates - Page 4 - City-Data Forum http://www.wecohabitate.com/boomers-ruin-shacking-up/comment-page-1/#comment-53 Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Great Debates - Page 4 - City-Data Forum Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:28:28 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=59#comment-53 [...] is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage.... Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage That is true to an extent....although the WW2 generation was the one in power when the no-fault [...] [...] is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage…. Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage That is true to an extent….although the WW2 generation was the one in power when the no-fault [...]

]]> Comment on • Boomers Ruin Shacking Up! by Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Retirement - Age, moving, relocation, finance, savings, early, hobbies, nursing homes, Social Security, Medicare - City-Data Forum http://www.wecohabitate.com/boomers-ruin-shacking-up/comment-page-1/#comment-52 Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? - Retirement - Age, moving, relocation, finance, savings, early, hobbies, nursing homes, Social Security, Medicare - City-Data Forum Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:12:12 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=59#comment-52 [...] Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? Baby Boomers are a very strange breed, seems everything they touch is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage.... Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage [...] [...] Baby Boomers ruin the Instution of Marriage? Baby Boomers are a very strange breed, seems everything they touch is ruined. This book skillfully makes the case that Bloomers killed the instution of marriage…. Cohabiting | Cohabiters | Cohabitation | Cohabitate | Living together before marriage [...]

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by John Curtis http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-11 John Curtis Sat, 04 Apr 2009 23:58:06 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-11 The fact is that years of condemnation appear to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless. Additionally, new studies show that the once negative stigma about cohabitation is changing which helps produce more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods. New findings from a Cornell study show that the odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage. Other studies found that women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who went straight to marriage. I think we must “reinvent” and raise our expectations of cohabitation, and our attitudes toward those who decide to live together. There is a commonly held myth that marriage means you will “live happily ever-after.” However, there is no similar assumption of cohabitation other than “it won’t last” which helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy. John The fact is that years of condemnation appear to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless.

Additionally, new studies show that the once negative stigma about cohabitation is changing which helps produce more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods. New findings from a Cornell study show that the odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage. Other studies found that women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who went straight to marriage.

I think we must “reinvent” and raise our expectations of cohabitation, and our attitudes toward those who decide to live together. There is a commonly held myth that marriage means you will “live happily ever-after.” However, there is no similar assumption of cohabitation other than “it won’t last” which helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

John

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by John Curtis http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-10 John Curtis Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:09:13 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-10 Research reports vary widely and while the news about cohabitation has been negative for many years, new studies are beginning to reveal a much more positive picture. The undeniable facts are that the rate of marriage in America has been in steady decline for decades while the rates of cohabitation are skyrocketing. In addition, the "face" of cohabitation has been transformed from those who due to socioeconomic levels have higher incidents of a variety of psychological problems to couples who cohabit for a wide range of reasons. There are couples who do not believe in marriage, couples who for economic reasons cannot marry, i.e. loss of retirement benefits, couples who do not trust the institutions of church and state to validate their relationship. These are just a few of the millions of productive, committed and happy couples who regardless of the scare tactics will continue to cohabit. The goal of my book and website is to change the way we view cohabitation and the way cohabiting couples view themselves. IF we were to raise our expectations and offer a greater sense of welcoming and support to these couples, we have an opportunity to help them strengthen and stabilize their relationships which increases the possibility that they will marry. Ignoring, condemning, judging and keeping them in the shadows has done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation... it is time for a new approach. Research reports vary widely and while the news about cohabitation has been negative for many years, new studies are beginning to reveal a much more positive picture. The undeniable facts are that the rate of marriage in America has been in steady decline for decades while the rates of cohabitation are skyrocketing. In addition, the “face” of cohabitation has been transformed from those who due to socioeconomic levels have higher incidents of a variety of psychological problems to couples who cohabit for a wide range of reasons. There are couples who do not believe in marriage, couples who for economic reasons cannot marry, i.e. loss of retirement benefits, couples who do not trust the institutions of church and state to validate their relationship. These are just a few of the millions of productive, committed and happy couples who regardless of the scare tactics will continue to cohabit.

The goal of my book and website is to change the way we view cohabitation and the way cohabiting couples view themselves. IF we were to raise our expectations and offer a greater sense of welcoming and support to these couples, we have an opportunity to help them strengthen and stabilize their relationships which increases the possibility that they will marry. Ignoring, condemning, judging and keeping them in the shadows has done NOTHING to slow the rate of cohabitation… it is time for a new approach.

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by dropjack.com http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-9 dropjack.com Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:02:59 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-9 <strong>• Advantages of Cohabitation | Happily Un-Married...</strong> While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked... • Advantages of Cohabitation | Happily Un-Married…

While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked…

]]> Comment on • Advantages of Cohabitation by jmur http://www.wecohabitate.com/advantages-of-cohabitation/comment-page-1/#comment-6 jmur Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:58:11 +0000 http://www.wecohabitate.com/?p=118#comment-6 With all these so called "advantages", why do cohabiting couples have only a 1 in 5 chance of a lifelong loving relationship, higher incidents of physical abuse and depression, higher levels of violence against children involved, lower levels of commitment vs. married couples, and greater incidents of sexual infidelity? These facts have been shown by numerous research studies (e.g. Rutgers University Marriage Project and others). Apart from selling books by telling some people what they want to hear, I have a hard time seeing what value your book and web site provide, apart form deceiving couples. Jeff Happily and Passionately Married to My Bride of 30 Years With all these so called “advantages”, why do cohabiting couples have only a 1 in 5 chance of a lifelong loving relationship, higher incidents of physical abuse and depression, higher levels of violence against children involved, lower levels of commitment vs. married couples, and greater incidents of sexual infidelity? These facts have been shown by numerous research studies (e.g. Rutgers University Marriage Project and others).

Apart from selling books by telling some people what they want to hear, I have a hard time seeing what value your book and web site provide, apart form deceiving couples.

Jeff

Happily and Passionately Married to My Bride of 30 Years

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