All this time I have been pushing him away somehow and restricting sex. He suffers in loneliness and his anger towards me grows more and more. He has become obsess and more jealous. We argue all the time and hurt each other with bad words. We always ended up making love and promising each other to change. Our sex is beyond perfection but so little because I always refuse for no reason.

Four months ago the situation became worse and I asked him to sign a Separation Agreement. I asked him to leave and to find a woman. (I have been telling him that for a long time now.) He has tried to get us a matrimonial room but I have refused and forced him to have his own bedroom and I have my own where I sleep with my kids.

At the end of April/09 I stopped talking to him totally not even hi or anything. He was still checking my stuff because he thought for sure this time I had a man I did not, never even in my imagination.

He met a woman and became involved with her he brought her to our apartment and had sex with her in his bedroom. He left a used condom and a huge picture of the woman in his bed, the lights on and the door open so I could see it. I was devastated. I wanted to die when I saw that. I always checked his bedroom for evidence too and this time I found the worst. He told me later that it was the only way he found to get my attention back. He said he was trying to forget about me and forcing himself to fall for this woman but she ripped him off and took tons of money for two times of sex and that after that day (last Jul/8) they broke up.

He has asked for forgiveness and promised me to do anything I ask him to. He has also blamed me for treating him this way for so many years. He said they had sex twice and that she was not interested in him but his money. I am confused. I know I have serious issues myself and I know he does too. We made love last night like two lovers who will not see each other ever again. Yet I went to the lawyer last week and filed for divorce. He told me that if divorcing him is what it take to win me back he will agree to anything I want. I DO love him but I will never trust him because of this. Also every time we have problems due to my telling him that I want him out of our apartment and that I will divorce him. I do not trust him but I think we love each other very much.

I called that woman last night in front of him and she said she does not know who he is. I wanted him to talk to her and tell her that he loves me but he told me it was not necessary because he broke up and told her that he is going for his wife.

Should I leave him? I think we shall never be happy.. he is jealous and I have so much anger inside. He always blamed me of cheating and then asks for forgiveness. He hates my ex-husband and feel I can go back to him. We are suffering and are hurting each other. We have lost control and love our sex together. Our children are suffering … he does not want to move out but I told him he must after this. Our life is a mess. I wish I could start fresh like he always said but I know how I am … we destroyed our marriage right? I know.

However I have prayed for you and I hope you’ll pray for me because I want to reconcile as well. But she won’t even talk to me. I’m not running out of hope. I do put my faith and trust in Jesus but as each day goes by I’m more and more miserable.

Please somebody pray for us both, as well our children.

I cannot be with him. I stayed clean for the past 27 yrs. up to the present. I have to take good care of myself. In the past 7 months I just see in his face that this not the man I was so proud of during the 4 yrs he was with us and then totally abandoned us to show up with nothing to offer… no money. I brought him food and bought him clothes and shoes hoping he would go back to America and work to see his other children… I don’t know how. He can’t even call his children in Cebu nor our children to ask forgiveness.

But my children have forgiven him by text and told him not to be with us anymore. I’m worried about his present situation. But my daughter who is now a doctor and my son in IT, said we are used to this situation. Now we plan to migrate to Australia and have a beautiful life with God’s blessing. God will totally heal all of us.

He has another woman, and has received a large sum of money and has not in the last year of separation helped with any bills. I have paid all the bills and now have been laid of from work. I am hurt and am trying to stay close to God in prayer for comfort. I pray for his salvation. If he is so happy, then why go out of his way to cause me hardships?

Her own pastor told her when we were preparing to marry that the family created from this union came first and before seeking external help every attempt should be made to fix any problems within the marriage.

If we make plans to do something and later on she discovers her family has planned something for the same time she’ll drop our plans, without consulting me, for whatever her family is doing… many a argument has erupted from this.

I understand she wants to remain connected with her family, but to blatantly disregard OUR family and the union blessed by God bothers me and makes me wonder.

This is my sad love story… My husband of almost 3 decades is a natural flirt and the worst part is he doesn’t consider it a bad behavior. He flirts in my presence, everywhere we go, in parties, restaurant, even in church functions. Definitely, he flirts at work too. In fact, 2 weeks ago, I opened a can of worms. A young woman co-worker called his cell phone on a Saturday morning and when I checked our AT&T phone bills I noticed multiple calls from this woman. Furthermore, this woman’s home address is camouflaged like an email address in his cell phone. Isn’t he clever?

Once again, he promised to change his ways. With a broken-heart I forgive and pray for divine intervention. Only the power of God can change my situation.

I want to share my story with you all. My husband and I have been on separation since January this year. He moved out of the house and is staying on his own and is also seeing another woman. Things keep on getting worse everyday, he has stopped supporting the kids and has even stopped communicating to me in any way. He brought a phone for the kids which he uses whenever he wants to talk to them. He has stopped calling using my phone. He even called me to tell me that he wasted the years we spent together. We have two children together aged 7 and 2 years.

I believe that for anything to happen, there must be a purpose. The Lord knows why this is happening to me and everyone else. Nothing happens by chance or by accident. I urge you all to hold on to God’s promises and look up to him for strength and his grace. Also we need to be patient wait upon the Lord’s time because his time is the best. For sure he is seeing the misery and pain that we are going through and has his interest in whatever is happening to us. We should continue praying and never give up. Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11

May God bless you all!

Now he has turned the tables and said that I am the one that turned my back on him. I want to trust him and give him another chance but I am afraid that he will do this again. I am so lonely, and when he is not doing these things he is actually a good guy. Please pray for me and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Is this what the vows mean when they say ” For better or for worse”? I don’t want to start over but fear he has found someone else and I may have to. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!! I really need help!

God has restored our marriage completely and now we are more committed to our marriage now than ever before, and the teachings from you guys are really amazing and an eye opener in so many ways. In my opinion every married couple should visit your website and join your mailing lists, as we have and will continue to be blessed week after week.

May God bless you and your family, and increase your ministry, that you may be able to touch more couple everywhere in the world. God bless, Regards, R

You’re right in thinking that we would encourage you to walk away from a man who has already cheated on you, and lied to you, and shown additional lack of character in not honoring someone else’s marriage promise. It might not be easy, but neither is putting up with adultery year after year, and empty promises, and coldness and insensitivity, and lies, and loneliness when your “partner” is joining up with someone else. And that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the hurt you will experience.

The Bible tells us to guard our hearts. If we decide to do things otherwise, please don’t expect Him to answer your prayer to “help” you “walk away” if you “have to.” With disobedience comes a huge price. I hope you will consider my words and will run… not walk away from this relationship. It’s the most loving thing I can tell you to do. Fafa, you are in my prayers.

I’ve since gotten on medication (Risperdal) and have come a long way but I think this marriage was a rebound relationship and I’m finding it virtually impossible to live with him. Please look up Passive Aggressive Personality. Also, women who are widowed become insecure because of their husband’s death, but to get involved with a PAP has been so stressful, I’m reaching out for prayer, guidance and help. Thanks.

I understand that what you have written is the way your culture approaches marital relationships. And I want you to understand that Cindy and I greatly respect your culture in many ways. However, when a culture goes against Biblical guidelines, then followers in Christ are to bow to God’s way rather than God bowing to the ways of the culture.

A case in point is when Cindy and I visited the ruins of an ancient temple in the Middle East. The people of this temple used to sacrifice children to the one they believed to be their god to appease him for better crops. This was both the religious and cultural ways of the people who lived in that part of the world. What do you think the real Jehovah — the REAL God, felt about this practice? Do you think He bent to their cultural ways and gave it His approval because it was part of their cultural ways of doing things? Absolutely not. What about the cultural ways of the people of Sodom and Gomorrah… was Lot given permission to follow their ways above God’s? No.

Normally, Cindy and I do not get into cultural and theological debates on this web site… We do not believe that is our role but rather to make this web site a platform for others to work through marital issues. But upon praying, we believe God has told us to give you “food for thought” as to how your statements relate to a Biblical marriage and to let Him work with that “food” for His good purpose.

When Jesus came upon the earth, He came to “set the captives free” — those who were imprisoned by sin — also imprisoned by man’s standards rather than God’s, as well as wrong religious practices, and wrong cultural practices. It would take too long to go into all the specifics, but I trust God will show you what He wants to reveal in what I am saying.

The problem is that man stands in the way of allowing these freedoms to be realized. For some reason, God is allowing much of this until the day of Christ’s return. But that does not mean that this is God’s intent for us to choose to live in this type of bondage. He gives man a free will and for that reason, we are bound by the choices that we and others often make… until the enemy of our faith is totally defeated.

I say all this to say that when Christ came in the form of a man, we can see that He gave women a place of recognition that had not been practiced before. The barriers of a woman being treated as an object of little value or as an obedient child — with no voice in matters, were wiped away. As it says in Galatians 3:26-29, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

Yes, a man is positionally still head of his home (just as a head of state ultimately has the last say), but he is not put in that position to be a tyrant. The husband is related in the Bible as the head of the home as Christ is head of the church. But you do not see Christ as a dictating tyrant — rather as a servant leader. You can see that as He washed the feet of His disciples and told them to do likewise. You also saw this when He sacrificed His life for their (and our) sin. He could have told us to be quiet and mind His ways and respect Him for it. But instead He lead by example as a “bond-servant” (as it says in Philippians 2) and calls us to do the same.

When you read Ephesians 5, and you see the husband’s role in the marriage, you can see that you are responsible for the wife’s well-being. When you stand before God, you are to “in the same way” as Christ, to “present her” …”without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish.” What do you think it does to your wife’s spirit and her heart when you demean her heart and spirit by acting like a dictator on a throne, telling her when she has “permission” to speak — not to mention telling her to lie about the physical bruises you inflict upon her so you don’t look bad to them? Is that “presenting her” to God “without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish?”

Sydney, I pray that you will prayerfully consider the statements you wrote above as to how you believe you should treat your wife. How do you think they line up with the God’s scripture that says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body” — are you caring for your wife with the same love as you do your own body and as Christ cares for His church? Does He allow us to speak and give views only when we are given His permission? Does He have us lie so He looks better? Does He “trample upon” His bride?

Yes, your wife must treat you respectfully because of the position God has put you in with Christ, but are you acting worthy of that respect? You alone will be accountable to God for how you treat your wife no matter what she does and no matter what your culture tells you to do.

May God speak directly to your heart and spirit on this matter. “My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power. We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing” (1 Corinthians 2:4-6). Our prayers are with you.

1- If I feel my wife has offended me, then I need to talk and I expect my wife to remain quiet as I talk. That is considered respectful of a woman. If she has to answer back, then later and not there and then. And what is important is how she is going to approach the husband when she feels she’s been trampled upon.

2- The wife should learn to ask for permission over small and even bigger things as this shows that the husband is on the “throne” and in itself a great deal of respect is shown to the husband.

3-A woman shouldn’t show to the outside world what is happening inside their matrimonial home as this is regarded as being disrespectful. For instance, if a woman has been beaten by his husband in our tradition she shouldn’t let other people know that it’s the husband but that she had fallen or any other reason other than the husband.

Remember I am an African with a different culture. Sydney

My mom passed away recently and I am grieving terribly for her. I got a new job after looking for about a year. I am under a lot of stress. The last thing I want to do is deal with this. He works abroad and is due to leave this Tuesday. He has not called or contacted me. He is at a hotel somewhere. I am so hurt by all of this. I don’t know when next I will see him. I love my husband and I have acted terribly because of his lack of communication. I don’t want to lose my marriage. Please help me.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:9-11)

I got a prayer chain together. We were all praying that the Holy Spirit would keep him awake and speak to him in his sleep. For most of ten years he could not sleep properly, but never mentioned anything to any of us. Now 10 years later on, sober in a wink of an eye .. obviously by the grace of God … he is sober and we are now marriage counselors.

The reason why the above person is an alcoholic most probably stems from his childhood and he needs to deal with those issues. But it is difficult for a man to acknowledge that he has problems. Pray…. pray …. pray … stay on your knees. IT WORKS. God Bless

My marriage of 3 years is on the brink and it is all because my husband says I don’t respect him. Trouble is, like many of you, I have no clue what I am doing wrong. I am a woman who, was only married 3 years the first time, and that marriage failed because I was not saved or he. There was an affair and he had another daughter. I was divorced for nearly 15 years, raised my 2 kids myself and am a successful professional.

I met my husband, became Saved, and we married. He had endured a very difficult unhappy marriage for 20 years. Full of anger and deceit. Anyway, I am so used to doing things and making my own decisions - it has been very hard as I guess I have no clue how to respect a man properly. I am desperate to be a Godly wife but I have no idea how to do it… My prayers for all of you…

But, despite all this my husband gets upset with me when I take a nap. He’ll make sure I wake up by banging the pots & pans, turning on the TV loud or just simply saying in a loud voice “is your mom sleeping again?” It upsets me so much and I’ve told him that before.

I feel helpless that I’m not able to find a job to put in my share for the bills. I’ve sold my nice car -now driving a beat up car but it doesn’t bother me much. I’ve been working ever since I’ve been married and it’s been 25 years…this is the first time in my life I’ve been without a job and also not bringing any income in to help with the household. I was self employed in my last job so am not able to get unemployment. My husband wants me do jobs which require heavy lifting and I’m not able to lift more than 25 lbs since I have a fusion in my neck. He tells me I’m lazy and not putting an effort in finding a job. What to do?

Creditors are calling and I’m having a hard time paying the mortgage but I manage to be polite to the creditors and look at all the things I’m grateful for. But, despite all this my husband’s foul mood changes the whole atmosphere… I am so depressed now… how should I react to my husband’s “put down”?

Pray for both yours and your husbands heart to be softened, and God will do so. For He tells us that whatever we (his disciples) ask in his name He will give. Jesus also tells us that if a child asks for some bread his father does not give him a stone, and how much more our Father in heaven will give us what we ask. Seek to pray with your husband. Remember no problem is too big for the Lord to overcome; it’s only us that can get in His way. It is never too late for God to work. Your brother in Christ, Drew

I too, felt crazy, and when explaining it to others was somewhat treated like I was crazy because my husband is such a nice guy. I finally left; but he has the kids and the dogs and the house. Our kids, who have never seen or heard us fight are equally shocked and confused. They are all teenagers and I didn’t want to uproot them so I gave them the choice to move with me or stay and they stayed because it is their comfort zone. However, they are angry with me because they don’t understand all of the circumstances and without going into great detail about it with them, it appears to them I was just jealous of some female co workers their father has had.

This has been brutal. I am shocked and angry that he would do this to our family and to me his “soul mate” and I feel utterly and completely rejected.

Does anyone know of any online support groups for this type of issue? Counseling doesn’t help and I could sure use and would be glad to give support.