Then his car broke down and slowly but surely that sent me back onto the track of my credit card almost being maxed out again. When he returned home he still hasn’t been able to find work. He is moody, angry, quick to snap and sometimes just compltetely ignores me. We no longer can afford to go out anymore. My teeth are overdue for dentist. I can’t afford new clothes. The frustrating thing – I work as a highly skilled professional nurse recieving a fabulous hourly rate. This just covers the bills of two people. And I still can’t afford new clothes or massages like I used to get.

I am giving it another few months and then I think I will have to cut this man lose. I do love him. I am almost 39 and we were trying for a family. Will that be my last chance? I don’t know. Can I live like this for much longer? NO.

As I was praying about your situation, some names came to mind to refer you to that might be able to help you sort through all that you’re dealing with in your marriage (or they might know of someone else who could). This isn’t the type of situation where we or anyone else could give you simple advice and it would solve everything. You have some major cracks going on in the foundation of your marriage (beyond the financial) that need to be worked on as soon as possible if your marriage (and you) has any kind of chance of surviving this. This is not an impossible situation but it also isn’t one where you can apply a quick fix solution to it. You need to be very deliberate, wise, and intentional in how you handle matters or things are going to get worse.

The couple that I would encourage you to contact is Dr Tony and Kim Moore. They have a book out titled “Your Spouse is Not Your Problem… Real Solutions for Real People” published by Radical Publishing. It’s not easy to get the book, but you can through their web site at Radicallove.org. They also have a “Contact” section you could use to email your problem and then someone will contact you.

Also, they usually do their work through giving seminars, but I have a feeling they may be able to direct you to more of the type of help you need somehow. It’s sure worth the time and effort you would take to find out. They don’t mess around by telling you things that you can’t use. They seem to be the types that can get right to the heart of matters that trouble couples today, and that’s what you need.

Another contact for you would be the ministry of Focus on the Family. They have counselors on staff (that you can contact during business hours) that could direct you to the type of help you need as well. You can find their counseling contact information on our web site in the “Marriage Counseling” section under “Links and Recommended Resources.” I hope you will. Your situation seems to be escalating in piling up more and more problems, along with violence in word and actions. That’s dangerous! It isn’t something you can delay in working on with someone who has wisdom concerning these types of matters. I pray you will find the help you need, and that you will find it sooner rather than later.

He yells at them LOUD a lot, they will cry. It breaks my heart for my daughter, my oldest he has wrestled with and near hit for disrespect. I want to back up his authority and am trying so hard but it is just hard when he sabotages himself like that. I never say he is bad to the kids though, in fact I say he means well, to raise them right, he just doesn’t know the best way and that he loves them.

He has also raised a fist at me but not hit, and berates me sometimes when he is bad like I’m a loser with no friends and should keep my yap shut. Nice. I definitely feel like leaving but have no where to go. And I think he would seriously kill me, like he needs to repent; he’s so scary.

For the last one month, we have had arguements almost everyday about nothing and everything. 10 days ago, she said she doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t want to see me anymore. I tried to reason with her but when I saw am getting nowhere, packed my things and left. I have not seen her or my daughter since then and my calls go unanswered. In three days we are going to court to work out custody of our daughter and what have you.

To cut a long story short, she wants us to divorce but I want us to work on our marriage. I believe God will intercede and I hope to come back on this forum and say that God did help save my marriage. All I am asking from all of you is your prayers. Be blessed

I find it strange that you mention “EVERY TIME 911 has been called.” Has that been a frequent occurrence in your marriage? It doesn’t sound normal at all.

Unfortunately, you’ve allowed your wife to run “roughshod” in the marriage for the past 20 years. I am a Christian and I believe in the marriage covenant. However, as a financial advisor, I am also very pragmatic. I think it’s pretty evident that your wife does not care about you, at all. Your priority should be getting out of debt and rebuilding a future for your retirement years. As drastic as it might seem, that could mean shutting down your company. I highly recommend speaking with a financial advisor/planner and attorney. You need to find a way not to incur any further debt which you are personally liable for. And perhaps (depending on whether you live in a community property state), your wife could also be liabile for half the debt. Speak to an attorney!

I am not sure if you’re a Christian, but if you are, then I also strongly suggest that in addition to seeking advice from both a financial advisor and attorney that you pray and ask God for His supreme guidance. In my life, I have been through some very “impossible to get out of” situations and God has always opened a door. So, all that to say is that with God, nothing is impossible and that He will give you a solution (whether it’s an idea, favor with vendors, etc). Romans 8:28 will come alive in your life if you seek Him first. Please do not lose hope. As bleak as everything may appear in the natural world, God does have a solution for you – but you must be committed to Him, FIRST.

Regarding your wife – well, I do believe that God can do anything, and again, I am a firm believer in the marriage covenant. However, it sounds to me that your wife does not care about your well being AT ALL. She sounds very calculating (evidenced by the fact that she took you off the bank accounts).

What do you mean you had a stab wound? From your wife? If your life is being threatened, then I think it’s pretty clear as to what you need to do. Why are you even allowing yourself to be placed in a situation where you could be accused of inappropriate sexual relations? You need to extricate yourself from such situations. Stop being a victim. If you know that your wife has a history of making such accusations, then don’t be there to be blamed in the first place. You are in control of who you choose to be around.

In summary, here’s what I would do in your situation:

1) Don’t run from the police – deal with it now. And I note, the fact that she has done this before could be that she’s building a case against you. Shouldn’t this be a clear warning sign that she can’t be trusted?

2) Talk to a financial advisor AND attorney (probably a divorce attorney). I am not endorsing divorce, but typically, they can tell you what debt she would be responsible for. My gut feeling is that although you’ve incurred it in your personal name, she is still responsible for half. If you decide to pursue divorce, you may be entitled for “support” from your wife – since she probably made sure that she had the higher income.

Also, once your wife is aware of your actions, she may “have a change of heart” and be nice to you again. Don’t get suckered into this. I think her actions over the past 20 years have proven her character, loyalty and love to you (or lack, thereof). What additional proof do you need?

3) Pray and seek God, FIRST. Get your bible out and get on your knees. Read His word. He is faithful and will never leave nor forsake you. He will certainly provide a solution for you.

May the Lord be with you, always. -Suzi

About 3 months later she moved to our new hometown and then [everything horrible] broke loose. From then on, any decision I wanted to make regarding business HAD to be approved by her. My employees grew to hate her and our business tanked. Then last year she went to the bank and took me off the accounts. Now I have to go to her for approval for everything and if she’s doesn’t like something I say, a way I look at her or just do anything she doesn’t like, she won’t approve payment to vendors, etc.

Me, being a man and wanting to secure the reputation of the company, and myself -won’t tell the vendors the truth and as such, I’ve now accumulated $100K in debt she won’t repay through the company. If I try to do anything, she owns 51%… so I’m [basically screwed].

Tonight we were having a good time, and then she accused me of [having sexual relations with] my dauthter (her step daughter) and I called her [an obscene name]… I was wrong for using that language, but, her response was to stab me (I HAVE PICS!). This is the third time in our marriage (2nd in 6 months) that she has cut me with a knife. Now, obviously they are not life-threatening wounds, but they are deep, scarring and emotionally troubling.

The problem I face is that EVERY TIME 911 has been called in our 20 years of marriage, they ALWAYS take ME to jail. So tonight when she called and, even though I had a stab wound, I ran and became a child. What am I to do? Society only thinks men are bad.

My own situation is different, but I am married to an unbeliever also. I needed to read these scriptures and will refer to them often. I having been asking God to give me more love for my husband and people in general. It’s been a slow road, but I made a decision today to stop worrying and fretting about all the things that go through my mind about how I am just not up to God’s snuff and trust that He is doing a good work in me and will see it through to the end. The last thing God needs is my help which tends to be of a controlling, co-dependant nature.

So, on with my comment, I am also afraid this book will give the wife ammo as far as saying, “see, I’m supposed to be this way…” and other such things. I am very weary about reading this book. I’m trying to trust God about it, but I skipped ahead to Chapter 3 just to see the 4 misconceptions men have about women, and they don’t apply to me. I don’t feel those things towards my wife and I must admit, that is all I’ve read so far. So I guess I need to read some more, but some encouragement from those who have read it will be good.

I did read the critique by Gary Gilley as posted above which makes my shields raise instantaneously, and I read another critique saying that Ken says if you go against his advice that it’s just your flesh trying to “bristle” against his words. I’ve heard pastors use that excuse to get their own agenda across. I’m going to read it though, scared and just trusting God.

When I met him he was a man of God, tongue talking, Bible quoting and radical for Christ. This August, 2009 I finally had enough and asked him to leave; how I regret this. He has since then told me he’s never coming back to be with me or our kids ever again. In previous years I always was the one who left him and ended up coming back. I am so confused because I asked him to leave as he does not provide for the family and he refuses to find a job. He doesn’t help around the house; he’s lazy. Since he left he only comes to see the kids when he wants, just for 1 hour only. He has since then told me he will be filing for divorce and wanted to know if I was willing to sign the papers.

He was saying things like “God never told him to marry me, he decided for himself, he’s only married to me on paper but not in the heart” – very hurtful things I could not believe it was the same man I fell in love with. I told him I am a Christian and I don’t believe in divorce. I asked him on what grounds was he looking to divorce me as I have never been unfaithful but I know he has during our separation of which he declined to answer me.

One time he came to our home to see the kids and I locked him in so we could talk and try and work on this marriage. I was on my knees begging and begging for three hours. I begged him for the sake of our kids to forgive me and come back home. He ended up calling the police on me that I had locked him unwillingly; he has so much hatred and bitterness towards me. I did not want to upset him so I decided to give him some time. He refuses to get counselling from our pastor. I made a big mistake kicking him out. I miss him so much and want him back home. My kids are always asking “where is daddy?” I look at their faces and see my husband everyday.

Since the separation I have grown stronger in prayer and I am standing on the word of God that He is a God who restores; nothing is too hard or impossible. I believe this has happened for me to grow closer and stronger in the Lord. I know I have to give him some time to heal but the thing is I already have been told by a prophet that I have to break from this relationship and that my life is in danger if I get back with him and that it wasn’t meant to be. But I still love my husband so much and I don’t know where to turn to or what to do. I prayed to God and left it in his hands. I am praying that His perfect will be done over my life and my husband’s.

IF HE’S MINE ONE DAY HE WILL RETURN TO ME, IF NOT THEN GOD WILL BRING ME THE RIGHT MAN HE INTENDED FOR ME SINCE THE CREATION OF THE WORLD. I refuse to be shaken and depressed. I wax strongly in the Lord daily. Keep me in your prayers, Brethren. Thank you all.

This is a HUGE accomplishment for a guy your age. There are many (far too many) men much older than you that have still never come to realize they need to change (”grow up”) as well for the good of their wives, families and marriage.

Basically, you have come to the place where you understand that marriage isn’t about “me”, but about “us.” It sounds like you have made the conscious decision to put away your selfish wants and desires to love your wife sacrificially.

I won’t kid you, Allen, this won’t be easy. First, you have to win your wife’s heart back and then you have to live consistently over the long haul. It’s not that you have to be perfect, but you have to be committed for the long haul. It won’t take long for your wife to see if you “mean what you say” or if it’s just the “same old Allen.”

Fortunately, there is a lot of help available to you today to make (and sustain) the changes you want to make. One of the best places I can recommend for you to begin is by reading some articles by Jimmy Evans because his testimony is SO much like yours. He realized that he had NOT been the husband he should have been, and his wife distanced herself from him as a result. He had to humble himself and prove himself, but in the end, their marriage became better than he could ever have imagined.

If you go into our web site and just put his name in the search box in the upper right of the Home Page it will pull up a number of articles by him. The one you will especially relate to is called, “I Realized I Was Wrong and That I Was a Bad Husband.” I want you to read what we have posted by him because it will give you more insight into how close your testimony is to Jimmy’s. After reading that I suggest you go to Evans’ web site at MarriageToday.org for more material and also to write to him and ask if he can help you in this mission. He’s a great guy and I believe he will give you pointers in the ways you need it.

I wouldn’t wait because with you coming home on leave next week you want to be able to demonstrate to your wife that you are serious about changing and “actions speak louder than words.” If you still have a chance to restore this marriage, your wife will need to see that you are serious over a long period of time to trust that your actions match up with your words.

Cindy and I will be praying for you and your wife. I hope you’ll come back to the web site and keep us all posted. This is a huge community and there will be many who will be praying for you, Allen. Blessings!

I remember that I told her to get out of the car because she made me so angry. I just pulled over and the worst part she was 6 months pregnant. I really regret that and I always will. I also had made little jokes that were not so little to her. I did not understand at the time why she would be hurt but now I’m understanding, it was because she loves me and she wanted the good things I talk about not the bad things. I know now to leave the jokes for work; don’t bring them home.

For sometime now, I have carried on in a dissrespectful manner toward my wife. Before I left for iraq we had our daughter. I love her to death, but I did not show it. I would not wake up with her and help feed her and I really regret this too because if I don’t show this love for my daughter how can I show it to my wife, is what I recently figured out. I have been a horrible husband and I always thought my s— didn’t stink that I was the right one in the situation. I was a manipulative controlling husband and I am close to losing the one I truly love the most and care about. I would lose my beautiful little girl too; I don’t want this.

I’m still in the dog house. Now I have one bad problem, my wife does not message me and she does not answer my calls. She is not a cheater or anything, but I hurt her to the point to where she withdrawls her love from me. I am going to be a better husband and I tell her this everyday. I go on leave next week to see her after 3 months and the thing I’m worried about is if she is going to leave me at the airport. If she doesn’t and I go home with her, I plan to show her I am the best husband for her and I will never treat her wrong again. If anyone has any suggestions please comment.

P.S. If your husband isn’t the man you think he should be to you, send him to iraq for a few months and stand up to him on the phone and don’t back down. Be the one who makes the decisions. I promise he will crawl back to you if he truly loves you and he will be the next best thing in your eyes. You have to lose the best thing in your life to know what it’s like to understand that you love the one you lost. If it wasn’t for Iraq, I’m sure that my relationship with my wife would have ended sooner than later. She still doesn’t talk to me. But she does need a break from my crazyness, because I was at once a mixture of a good husband and the worst husband. But I am eliminating the worst to be the best… please help me if you can shed some light on my situation about how I should go to get my wife to talk to me again. I really want to show her the change.

Understanding quite clearly the Christian belief, it is too bad that you feel like ending your relationship which was witnessed by God. “In good times and bad” really means that. You also can’t sit back and do nothing. God helps those who help themseves. It is hard work, and you’re right, how your husband views himself is important. However, men are notoriously famous for having strong feelings and not being able to understand them. I am sure he doesn’t want to look like a failure, and he needs help too, the least of it financial. But he probably does not know how to verbalise what he needs, and is insecure, to the point that he isn’t willing to acknowledge it.

Take some time for yourself evey day. In this way you can stay grounded. Make time for the two of you, at least once a week. You have joined as one before God, whether you share the same religion or not. Just because he hasn’t accepted Christianity as part of his life doesn’t mean that he is Godless. Remember, God is omnipresent. He is everywhere and in everything. God is in your marriage, and he will help, whether you are a Christian or not. He loves all his children. If you can love others as you want to be loved, you have found the answer. The rest will come someday.

I wish you all you hope for, and that all your hard work pays off for you, and your husband. You both have been joined as one. It won’t work if you behave as individuals. Hope this helps. Remember, I know it is hard, I am there too. You are not a wicked stepmother. You are feeling what we all do, and you are not alone.

If he loved you he would not have sex, relationships and kids with other women. He is very uncaring by what you describe, and also he is very cruel to ask you to have an abortion. Why do you want him in your life? His affairs and cheating will only get worse because he is not even addressing the issue. You are still young enough to rebuild your life. Cut your losses, take your daughter and leave him before you find yourself totally dependant of this person and too old to care. Life and youth are precious.

I help in cleaning the house, going to the market, etc, but it doesn’t still help. She’d rather cuddle or just lie down and talk or stare into each other’s eyes. On [certain actions] in foreplay, one day she said I should stop that it is not biblical. She used to [do certain things for me] and has stopped; same reason. These used to add flair to the romance, but now, she says those [certain actions] can cause a miscarriage (we’ve lost two pregnancies and I feel she is emotionally low; but I give her support). Even positioning is an almost forgone issue.

Even when we have sex or make love, it’s one sided like she’s fulfilling all righteousness. There was a time we had it 3-4 times a week and I was the one to say lets take a day’s break, but now 1-2 weeks. If I keep silent, it can go longer.

I have been tempted I must confess. I’ve looked (emotional infidelity) but not had the guts to stray (the fear of God). My self esteem is not bashed as described by most men; I don’t allow her rejection to affect that part of me. It just leaves a hole within me. It creates an emptiness that I used to fill with self-gratification and porn but have since forgone these. I’m learning to do without it and this is dangerous ‘cos I’d reject her also.

Wives need to realize that being a Christian does not necessarily enhance you as a man sexually. Literarily I mean, it’s no guarantee that either party won’t cheat. We need help, wives; we really need it.

I have been praying and hoping, clinging to a promise God gave to me in the Good News translation of Isaiah 62:4 when I was first saved in 2004. We have been together since 1993, married since 1998, and miserable for most of those years. I am at a loss, and if there is anyone out there who has been in a similar situation, I would like to know what you did/are doing.