Can I just say that I am so grateful for you. For your bravery and your willingness to talk about sexual abuse. I think that God is going to use this series mightily friend – He’s already used your story to help in my healing.

When I had daughters it took me years and a lot of suspicious observation of my husband around our daughters to develop trust. I learned eventually, that REAL dads don’t find their teen daughters sexually alluring. They find them dear, beloved and precious…and funny, and smart and beautiful. But they don’t find them sexual objects. Which is why I write “father” in quotes…He was a ‘quote’ “father” unquote…Not a REAL father. Thankfully, my husband knew my “father,” and was protective of me and our girls on the rare occasions we had social interaction.

Eventually, due to my ‘father’s” unwillingness to even acknowledge the hurt he caused, my husband, with my blessing, cut off all contact with him; my husband making clear that we could resume the relationship when my dad owned the multiplicities of physical, mental/emotional and sexual abuse he heaped not only on me, but on my mother,other women in our lives including my sisters-in-law, and horrible physical and mental abuse he inflicted on my 3 brothers.

It’s been 16 years since my ‘father’ chose to communicate with me. He never has owned his behavior, hence, never reconciled with us,to date. He’s old now. He had been my idol as a child, the one who told me about God, preached to thousands, was spiritual mentor to hundreds. Pretty confusing to put the abuse and the spiritual leader in the same box. Eventually, impossible…That took a lot of therapy, reading, introspection, study, and opening up with safe people. And through it all, feeling ‘weird’ and different than others, inadequate, unworthy, and yes, the weight issues, Alia.

Beginning to feel loved and worthy is wonderful step isn’t it? You are blessing many people by opening your heart, Alia. It will provide healing to you and others.

I’m loving you, too; even more through this part of your story, Alia. I know Jesus is walking beside you on this path, his arm around you, seeing what you see, knowing the deepest parts of you and absolutely ‘getting it’. He’s finding you winsome and lovely and of surpassing beauty and worth.

I agree that there are steps we can take with our girls. One is to protect, another is to let them observe us–and their dads— taking this issue seriously. My daughters took any information about a woman or girl’s abuse so seriously, they told us. Immediately. They knew we would make something happen or advise them on actions to take. As adult women, they generally know what to do now. They have hearts for abused girls and women, and thanks be to God, neither of them have been abused nor have they been attracted to abusive men. That, in itself, is a wonderful thing.

And it’s a true miracle, Alia, don’t you think, that you and I married men who love us well? Abused women often marry an abuser. My mother did that. God’s grace alone saved me from making that mistake. I wasn’t ‘healthy’ enough at age 20 to make a good decision, so he put a healthy, loving man who respected women in general, and me in particular in my path…I am so blessed.

Kimberley

(Sorry this is so long but this is a heavy subject)