Comments for Parenting For Humanity Blog

Comment on Caution: Men at Housework by Robert

Robert — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:52:41 +0000

If I may, this blog is all about parenting from a dad’s perspective. realdadblog.com

Comment on Ask Us A Question! by Tiffani

Tiffani — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:31:02 +0000

Thinking about Amy’s idea from Sleepless in America on how tv can affect children’s sleep and my childs love for tv and how it helps her stop running around after her bath and sit and concentrate on her bedtime snack…. would this schedule get tv far enough away from actual sleep…..

Bath Time
PJ’s On
Movie (under 30 mins hopefully) with bedtime snack while watching
Brush Teeth
Potty
Books
Lights Out

Comment on About Us by Debbie Bustetter

Debbie Bustetter — Sun, 17 May 2009 19:27:52 +0000

Hi! I listened to your podcast with Nutritionist Cindy Dalton. Wonderful show! I was wondering if she had a book or if you had information from the show written down. It was a lot of information and I need to review the specifics. I have an almost 5 year old with focus issues, reflux, tantrums and sensory issues. Can you recommend any books to help improve diet for possible ADHD child.

Thanks!

Debbie Bustetter

Comment on Ask Us A Question! by lstroyan

lstroyan — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:34:50 +0000

Here are some thoughts for Jennifer, which I also elaborated on, on the show today (http://is.gd/q6LK)

My guess is that he is feeling powerless. If you have ever looked at Jane Nelsen’s work, one of the tenets of positive discipline is that children need to feel connected and significant. In my experience, one of the stages kids go through in their 4th year is a sharp increase in that need to feel significant and powerful. So in general, my suggestion is to find lots of ways proactively to help him feel powerful in a positive way. Solving problems, getting to choose, getting to be right, etc.

The first thing I would consider is to drop your end of the rope whenever you can. Let him have the last word about all the unimportant things, the facts, etc. Phrases that don’t quite agree but don’t disagree can be very helpful, such as “Oh, that’s an interesting perspective”, “Hmm, I’ve always called that color blue, but maybe it really is pink.” Don’t correct him on facts – everyone gets to have their opinion.

Another good tool is, when you want him to do something, to see if he responds to a leading question instead of a command. When my son was this age, a simple, “you need to feed your fish” would cause a big argument but, “hmm, I wonder who else is hungry?” would have him jumping up, feeling powerful to solve the problem.
You can give him some time during the day where he gets to tell you what to do.

He’s probably responding well to rewards and consequences because they are predictable and he has a sense of control. But this can backfire too, so if you can give him that sense of control in other ways, then you won’t need to rely on them as much.

Lastly, you sound a little hurt when he doesn’t reciprocate, but I’d avoid giving him the power over your emotions. This is a really common issue for this age, and he’s really young still. The empathy will come with time if it is modeled. So I would model 2 things – empathy, and self-respect, and then just be matter of fact.

One more thing I would throw out for you to consider. Children often reflect back what we are feeling. You might ask yourself if you are also feeling powerless in some areas of your life right now. If so, a lot of connection and empathy for both of you, and a lot less focus on the behavior, can make a big difference. Trust him and trust yourself. You’ll get past this – you don’t have to solve it all right now.

Comment on Ask Us A Question! by Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:29:05 +0000

Jennifer / Washington State
Hey! I was wondering about how to handle the argumentativeness of an almost 5 yr old. Everything is a battle, and it’s not the simple, “no I want this, not that”. He even argues about facts like whether something is labeled a certain way (like is it a table). It’s especially frustrating when I am already trying to do the positive parenting / connection parenting thing. I try to do something nice and he responds with something negative. He only seems to calm down when I have rewards or consequences for him… like now we use a money jar and he can earn money or lose it by how he acts. Today, that worked well.
Yet even tonight… I read a book, do a story and then sing songs for bedtime. He pushed and pushed the limit on this with one more song and then “can you sing it like this”, etc… until finally I said, “no, that’s it, I’m done”. Makes for a sad ending to the situation, at least for me… here I am trying to do something nice for his bedtime.
The question: What are some good ways to handle it, especially when I sapped of energy, especially creative energy.

Comment on Upcoming Workshop: Your Way, My Way by lstroyan

lstroyan — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:59:38 +0000

I can ask the company that is providing the infrastructure, but I don’t think they do evenings. Is there any way he can use his lunch hour and connect from work? He can use a headset.

Comment on Upcoming Workshop: Your Way, My Way by Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:34:41 +0000

Do you think you will do this Webinar again some evening? I would like myself and my husband to participate together and he works during the day… Or is there a way to read/listen after it is all over? We were just at UWWG and missed the seminar there – I didn’t realize what “empathic parenting” meant. Thanks!

Comment on Our Radio Show/Podcast by Colette

Colette — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:05:03 +0000

Very enjoyable and interesting. I wish it could have been longer. Each question and explanation seemed to take a long time – just the process took time, I understand, and I would have liked to hear more that Ruth had to say.
I also know of so many different books and references out there. Here are a couple more:
the unschooling handbook, How to Use the Whole World As Your Child’s Classroom, by Mary Griffith
The Unprocessed Child/Living Without School, by Valerie Fitzenreiter
Thank you

Comment on High IQ Kids by Teresa

Teresa — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:45:56 +0000

I loved this episode! Maybe you guys can have her back on again?

And thanks to Judy for the links!

Comment on High IQ Kids by Judy Fort Brenneman

Judy Fort Brenneman — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:14:37 +0000

Hi, Lisa and Amy -

Thanks for having me as today’s guest! Here are some resources for people who want to learn more about high-IQ kids.
The book, High IQ Kids: Collected Insights, Information, and Stories from the Experts, is available directly from Free Spirit Publishing, freespirit.com, as well as through online retailers. (There’s also a short description and the Table of Contents on my website, http://greenfire-creative.com/writing/HIQ.htm)

Good info online about giftedness:
Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page: http://hoagiesgifted.org
SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted): http://www.sengifted.org/
National Association for Gifted Children: http://www.nagc.org/
Gifted Development Center: http://gifteddevelopment.com/

Thanks again–

Judy