QRG, yay for invoking Freud! He is so unpopular these days, but I actually think he has a lot to offer and that we culturally have not learned all that much from his theories…and could stand to! Why do I end up always liking the thinkers that are unpopular with current intellectuals– hemingway also, paglia. Perhaps I just veer toward the anti pic in this very pc environment of the internet.

And when it comes to teachers, I have tended to get on better with men teachers than women.

As for Gay men I don’t feel threatened by them but I have had some horrendous experiences with them and don’t feel they are ‘safe’ in the way many women seem to.

I have only had long term counseling/therapy with a woman though. I think there, gender would affect things, as Freud has written about.

I’ve had lots of female friends. I’ve wanted to fuck every one of them. The only female friends I haven’t wanted to fuck are those mediated through my wife, and I still think about fucking about half of them.

When I’ve been single, I’ve seriously wanted to fuck all my female friends. Until reading the comments above, I’d never thought about it, but I’ve never had a close female friend who wasn’t at least kinda hot. I’ve never gotten one of them into bed. I can’t decide if that’s ethics or ineptitude. I’m going with ethics.

As married as I am, my female friends are still idle morning shower daydream fodder. Mostly when my wife is being bitchy. Otherwise, her doing things I haven’t yet been able to talk her into keeps me occupied as I lather up and get off.

As Jimi Hendrix sang, Excuse me for being a guy!

I’m thinking right now about one past woman in particular, ok, maybe two or three. She knew goddamn well that I was head over heels for her. Long story short, I couldn’t get over the unconsummated hump, and then we booked a European trip together with a single bedroom and single bed and she went whaaat? how did you ever get the idea…? Well, you get the idea. A few other women after that paid for her sins.

Ok, enough reminiscing. Ladies:

Unless you met a guy through a woman he was with, if he’s still talking to you, he thinks about fucking you. Like, he tisssue-thinks. If you’re grossed out by the idea of him jerking off to you, pull the plug. You’re just being mean and selfish. Let him go and let him jerk off thinking about revenge-sex with you. Costs you nothing unless he’s crazy, and contrary to popular belief, few men are.

Unless a guy friend that you made on your very own is in a very happy relationship, he seriously would like to fuck you. Bask in the glow of meditating on him occasionally tissue-thinking about you whenever you get invited over to their house for dinner. But make no mistake–if they break up, he wants to fuck you.

All straight men think about fucking all women who aren’t hideous. More or less seriously, depending on circumstances, morals, opportunity, finances, household income, whatever.

If you are a woman with a male friend who you are sure isn’t into you….welll….

Dani, I mean I guess it does make sense to want to see a doctor of the same sex. But so much of gender is an illusion as well. What about non gender identifying people? People who are a-gender, inter-gender, gender-queer– I am curious how they feel!!

Alan, Yes of course I highly doubt any doctor goes into gynecology for a sexual reason but thanks for the bit of reality and reminder!

I’m sure glad there are more female OB/GYN docs now. I would be comfortable using a female internist, or even a female urologist if I needed one. My only criteria would be competence and a good exam table-side manner.

A few years later, I moved to a new town for a fresh start with a new job and a couple of months into paying a rent I couldn’t really afford, he got kicked out of his place when his landlord decided to sell. So we moved in together with another friend.
During the following two years, we wove been the “friends with benefits” posts (which ultimately confused things, but felt right at the time). Then I went away to work for a few months, which gave us time to clarify. When I came back I knew that the foggy comfortable place we’d made for ourselves wasn’t going to end up where either of us wanted to be and we had a good talk about it and decided “not to keep doing what we’re doing” – that nameless otherthing that wasn’t boyfriend/girlfriend and wasn’t brother/sister. Clean break.

We each moved out and within six months, he was married and I had a new boyfriend. It was painful, because in this true separation we lost much of the intimacy and support that felt so integral to our friendship. It was a period of grieving that we probably both needed and hadn’t really had when we broke up those years earlier.

At least a year before we really hung out together, but when we did we clicked back onto the rails as if we hadn’t had such a gap between conversations.

There isn’t a romantic-relationship in our future. Neither of us want that, but we both acknowledge that our friendship is something valuable to both of us – even if we’re not in each other’s pockets. We relish the catch ups and there isn’t any awkwardness in our being casual around each other.

So, I suppose I can say that in my experience; Men and Women CAN be just/good/best friends, but you both need to be in the right place with yourselves before you can be in that same right place together.