It’s incredibly validating and inspiring to hear of other women’s stories, to learn from others and to learn more from your own experiences through the sharing of them. So I thank you!

RA is not a one-time experience, because covert abuse is not a one-time experience. It’s a much used way of asserting power and relating to people. It’s so easy to go from using manipulation of one to several.

I’ve gone through witnessing and helping both my daughters through relational aggression. It’s amazing to me how early it can start and how often it rears it’s ugly head. I, too, have had to deal with adults who I felt were less than forthright in how they deal with children. The things is, if manipulation is a method you fall back on dealing with your peers, it will also be easy to fall into with children.

I do believe it’s very important to teach children the signs of relational aggression and covert bullying. Perhaps the best way to do this is to teach them signs of respect and honest communication. When children can recognize this, when they become familiar with it, it’s easier to point out the contrast – even if they are subtle. They are still there.

As a mother, it’s been a challenge for me to prepare my child to deal with unethical behavior and not make my child paranoid. For me, it works to build that foundation of healthy relationships and against that backdrop to point out the not healthy. That places dysfunctions behavior as abberations, albeit common ones, but still aberrations to be aware of and not excused or rationalized away.

Your daughter is fortunate to have a mother who has the awareness to address this situation. Since covert bullying and relational aggression aren’t exclusively behaviors of the young, you are empowering them with skills they’ll use in adulthood. So I commend you.