Lol, wow I’ve never seen that show, but I might have to start.

@Keiri

Thanks for reading it and your positive comments . On your first one I was doubling it up for the absurd humor. It looks like it might not have worked out like I wanted it too though so I might have to change it at some point.

Hmm you might be right about the snapped out of it, but the narrator of this story seems to use a lot of insane narrations to describe situations so I don’t think it’s too bad. Still it’s something to watch out for and thanks for pointing it out . I don’t mind you pointing that stuff out at all .

First of all, fascinating read! I’ve liked your style of story-telling since reading “Thread” in how you jump straight into a situation instead of going through the conventional “Once upon a time, there was a xxx” and also the fact that you established the characters as well as their outward personalities in a straightforward manner. This introduction has a very contemporary feel to it, which makes it fresh to read.

There were a couple of tiny, tiny, tiiiiny parts which felt a bit odd to read for me such as

Ursan opened one eye to alert Paulis to the gravity of the situation.

“Paulis, I don’t think you’re aware of the gravity of the situation,” said Ursan.

Reading “gravity of the situation” twice almost successively felt slightly strange unless it was a deliberate sense of humor on your part.

Ursan briefly wondered about the mysterious thing Nadia needed to find him for but quickly snapped out of it

Hmm… Perhaps it’s just the way I’ve been taught English but “snapped out of it” felt somewhat like a phrase one normally uses in a character’s speech rather than the narrative part of the novel. Oh well, it’s just me I guess.

Hope you wouldn’t mind me pricking at these. Overall, it’s great stuff. I envy and admire people who can write good fiction like this. ^__^