Comments on Learning As Leadership Blog

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Dr. Michael Abelson

Dr. Michael Abelson — Tue, 01 May 2012 03:39:18 +0000

I used to leave little notes on my computer to remind me everyday about what I needed to do to change (rewire) behaviors. Simple little things like asking how my husbands day was or noticing something different each day. These things never came to mind naturally, but I learned that they were important to him and thus important for me to change.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Keith Adams

Keith Adams — Tue, 01 May 2012 02:34:23 +0000

I’ve never been able to change long term. I have always thought that if I could do something over and over for a while then it would become second nature. But, I eventually fall back into the original behavior. Laziness? Maybe. Comfort zone? Probably.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Shayne Hughes

Shayne Hughes — Tue, 01 May 2012 01:03:26 +0000

I would venture that you do your most ‘efficient’ work under pressure. I know I knock things out, I think quickly, I make decisions because I have to.
Using stress to be focused is a controlled fight-flight response in which I funnel my adrenalin into delivering.

In my experience, it is not a creative space — we repackage and exploit what we know, but we don’t break new ground of insight or creativity. So it may be our most efficient work (read: how long it takes me to get this thing done that I’m dreading), but it is rarely our ‘best’ work.

Also, from a 40 something guy who is coming back from a severe case of adrenal fatigue, it wasn’t sustainable over the long term. Don’t wait until consequences hit you to make important changes.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Shayne Hughes

Shayne Hughes — Tue, 01 May 2012 00:56:19 +0000

Let me know what you find. The benefits for me were really startling.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Shayne Hughes

Shayne Hughes — Tue, 01 May 2012 00:55:35 +0000

Support is key. I find it very difficult to change on my own. When we have relationships of support, they help us rewire, as you say.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Shayne Hughes

Shayne Hughes — Tue, 01 May 2012 00:54:37 +0000

I love how you say the new behavior “never enters your brain.” In another post, my colleague Marc-André talks about “pinches.” When we are in conflict, we feel threatened, and react in fight-flight. In this moment, the blood drains from our brain and goes into our body and nervous system. We think with our brainstem, or reptilian brain. As Marc-André likes to say, we literally lose our mind.

So in that moment it is very difficult to access a more thoughtful response. The work of change needs to come before that. Otherwise, we are just acting out our survival system.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Shayne Hughes

Shayne Hughes — Tue, 01 May 2012 00:49:41 +0000

It’s a very interesting observation that you have seemingly opposite behaviors at work and at home. Without knowing you, I would venture that the root cause of these two behaviors is actually the same.

I notice in myself, for example, that whether I argue or I hold my tongue, I always think I’m right, and don’t want to be wrong, weak or lose. In one case, I protect myself by saying little; in the other, I go on the offensive.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Sherry Marshall

Sherry Marshall — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 23:37:17 +0000

You’re right, I think a lot of the rewiring process is learning and knowing that we have the capacity to deal with these situations now, whereas before, we didn’t and the behaviors kept being duplicated.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Natascha Tello

Natascha Tello — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 23:28:29 +0000

Always knew that my procrastination fueled my ego. I have felt for a long time that I do my best work under pressure and I stay more focused on my work as time dwindles. I know it’s not the best behavior to have, but it seems to work for me for many things.

Comment on Changing Limiting Behaviors by Nancy Stone Bourgeois

Nancy Stone Bourgeois — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 21:28:21 +0000

You mentioned confict avoidance as a negative behavior. I would have thought that one could go the other way. Turn the cheek and walk away is what I learned as a kid.