Communication Exchange

Communication Exchange Is Leaving

2011-12-12T12:14:00.000-06:00

Dear Readers:

This will be my last post on Communication Exchange. I've certainly enjoyed sharing my thoughts and opinions about communication with you over the last few years. I hope you have learned and benefited from my little essays and reports on this blog. However, I find that I simply don't have the time to devote to this blog that it deserves, as I am very busy with my small, independent publishing company called Cozy Cat Press and also with writing my own cozy mysteries. (You can check it all out at: www.cozycatpress.com).

I plan to leave Communication Exchange up until February 1, 2012, so that everyone will be able to learn about my plans. I'd like to thank all of my readers and commenters who have added to Communication Exchange over the last few years by contributing your excellent ideas, questions, and responses.

Best wishes to all of you! And happy communicating!

Why Do Little Birdies Sing?

2011-11-05T12:44:00.000-05:00

Why is it we say that birds "sing" when they communicate? Why is it that people "talk" when they communicate--not "sing"? Is it because birds just are more melodious than people? In other words, just what is the difference between singing and talking?

Obviously, we all know there is a difference between singing and talking--and we all know instinctively what that difference is. At least we know it when we hear it. If I asked you to "sing" your answer to a question, you could probably do so. But what would you be doing, exactly?

Communication scholars (and music scholars) tell us that two major differences between singing and talking are pitch variation and duration of syllable length. That is, when you are singing, your pitch changes much more than when you are speaking. Also, when you are singing, you tend to elongate syllables and words on particular pitches much more than you would when you are speaking.

We could sing when we talk, just like birds do--if we wanted to. What do you say?

(graphic from www.kswgoodfriends.wordpress.com)

November 1: Author Trifecta!

2011-11-01T13:02:00.000-05:00

November 1st! What a day for authors! Three really important author-related events all occur today!

First, nationally, today is National Authors' Day. I'm not really sure how this impacts me as an author except that maybe people who know I'm an author will be particularly nice to me today--and to you to if you're an author!

Second, also nationally, today begins the yearly saga that many authors experience--NaNoWriMo! What is NaNoWriMo? You ask. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. And that month would be--you guessed it--November. Every November, would-be novelists gather together (or at least as together as they can get on the Internet) and attempt to encourage each other to not only WRITE but also FINISH their great (often first) novel. Actually, this is how I completed my very first novel SOUNDS OF MURDER several years ago. If it weren't for NaNoWriMo, I probably wouldn't have five books under my belt (so to speak). So I will be eternally grateful even though I no longer participate officially. It is a wonderful program if you'd like to write a book and need encourage to get going.

Finally, and certainly not least, today begins--also nationally--the first of three days in best-selling, award-winning author Melissa Foster's huge online launch for her third novel COME BACK TO ME. Following on the heels of her two earlier blockbusters--MEGAN'S WAY and CHASING AMANDA--Melissa is launching her new book along with 35 other not so well known authors (including me). Melissa is more than just a great writer, she is also a supportive friend. Now that she has reached the top of her field, she is stopping to help other authors who are just starting out. You can stop by the COME BACK TO ME launch site and see all the wonderful things she has in store: http://womensliterarycafe.com/

Reading and Brains

2011-10-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 15 R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17. B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

You will probably be able to read the message above although you will quickly realize that few of the words are actually English. A quick perusal reveals that certain common English letters have numbers substituted for them. That is, a "t" becomes a "7" and an "s" becomes a "5." As most of the letters remain, the reader can quickly make the mental adjustment and do the substitution while reading. If more letters were substituted or if all letters had substitutes, the message would still be readable, but the reader would first have to "decode" the message by determining which number (or symbol) stood for which letter. Many of what we think of formally as codes are composed this way. Of course, there are much more complicated methods for creating codes--some so difficult that they require professional linguists to "decode" them.

What for me is truly intriguing about this message, is contemplating the point at which the message stops being automatically "readable" and requires "decoding." That is, how many numbers can you substitute for letters in the message before it requires decoding? As I look at this message, there are five letters being substituted: T=7, S=5, E=3, A=4, I=1. I'm guessing there is probably a letter for "2" also but it doesn't appear in this message. Now if you added two or three more letter/number substitutions, would you still be able to read the message easily? I think not.

Another element that makes this message fairly easy to read is the fact that the numbers substituted for the letters bear a reasonable ressemblance to the letters they replace (at least the capital versions of the letters). That is, a capital "T" looks somewhat like a "7" and a capital "S" looks somewhat like a "5." If the puzzle creator had substituted a "9" for the "T" or a "4" for the "S," this message might not have been quite as easy to read.

What do you think? I love intriguing puzzles like this that make us think about language and how our brains work. Do you?

Two Most Important Qualities of Conversation

2011-10-05T09:10:00.000-05:00

In general, the content of your conversation needs two major qualities to be successful—it should be honest and it should be relevant. What do these terms mean?

To have honest content means that you should attempt to always tell the truth. Although many principled people disagree on the meaning and/or merits of lying—your conversations will be greatly enhanced if you are as honest as you can be when you talk. However, honest content means more than just avoiding lying; it also means being willing to reveal the real you in what you say—the true you. It's not enough to just avoid lying; you have to actively work to reveal truthful and honest information.

To say that content must be relevant is as complex as saying it must be honest. Primarily, relevance means that what you say should relate to what is being said at the moment—particularly it should be relevant to what your partner has just said. That means you should avoid jumping abruptly from one topic to another—particularly if your partner is not yet ready to leave a topic.

Imagine, for instance, being in the middle of an intense conversation about an upcoming project you have to do at work. All of a sudden, without explanation, your partner starts talking about where he is going on vacation. No doubt, you would find this behavior annoying—as would your partner if you were the one talking about content that wasn’t relevant to the topic presently being discussed.

Is the content of your conversations honest and relevant?

(graphics from www.honest.es and www.willscullypower.wordpress.com)

Food Talk

2011-09-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

In our family, some of the most difficult discussions do not concern politics, religion or who should take out the garbage. They concern food. Here, I mean what food to eat. You'd think this former Communication teacher would be able to get her household to communicate productively about such a simple topic, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong.

Here's the problem. My household--consisting of my husband, my adult daughter, and me--has totally different views on food. The major dilemma? We all like to eat but NONE of us likes to cook! In fact, I think I can safely say that we all HATE cooking passionately. This fact probably explains why I created my fictional character's husband as a gourmet cook in my Pamela Barnes' acoustic mystery series.

Of course, none of us is starving, as you can see from this photograph. All three of us can throw together a peanut butter sandwich or heat up leftovers in the microwave oven. Believe me, I've tried encouraging my husband and daughter to try cooking--but to no avail. They both claim that cooking is MY job--even though I'm RETIRED! (I thought retirement meant I got to stop working, but it actually just means I stop getting paid to work).

Through much haggling, arguing, and compromising, however, we've come to a somewhat solution. I agree to cook dinner twice a week (Wednesdays and Sundays) and they eat leftovers the remaining days or make their own meals. This solution is not great, but it's better than me having to cook EVERY night. Now, I just dread Wednesdays and Sundays because I know I'll have to come up with some dish that will appease the both of them.

How difficult could that be, you ask! Impossible, I answer! My husband wants something filling, hearty, spicy, but not too chewy (because of his teeth). My daughter wants something healthy, colorful (NO BEIGE!), and full of exotic ingredients (she's especially fond of recipes that call for numerous quarter teaspoons of expensive spices that I will NEVER use again). Me? I just want a recipe that's quick, easy, cheap, chewy, doesn't contain pasta (I hate pasta!), and that will last three days at least!

Here's where my background in teaching group problem-solving should come in handy. How to get the three of us communicating in a way to select a recipe twice a week that we can all accept? It's a struggle each Wednesday and Sunday. Believe me, I search Foodnet.com like crazy, but my family's requirements are so convoluted and extensive! And none of the three of us will compromise. And invariably, one of the three of us is disappointed at the least--or downright furious at the most!

Oh, how I hate food talk! Why can't we all just learn to--? You thought I was going to say "get along" didn't you? No! I was going to say, "Why can't we all learn to cook?"

What about you? Can you and your family communicate about what food you like to eat? How to cook it?

Spur or Spurn?

2011-09-20T11:47:00.000-05:00

Talk about two important words with fairly opposite meanings! This morning as I was listening to television, a news reporter asked a political candidate just what he would do to SPURN economic growth. Wow! Maybe that's why the economy is in such bad shape--people are trying to SPURN it, not SPUR it!

Isn't it strange how one little letter makes such a difference?

I'm In Control!

2011-09-09T10:12:00.000-05:00

Of my bedroom, that is. Here are FOUR, count 'em, four devices cluttering up my bedroom. What in the world did we do in the olden days before we had all of these devices to run everything for us from a distance?

In order--

1. My television remote so I never have to get out of bed to change the channel

2. My ceiling fan/overhead light remote control

3. My walkie-talkie so I can communicate with my husband when he's in the basement (which is most of the time)

4. My Sleep Number Bed remote controller, so I can change the softness level of my side of the bed.

Oh, civilization! Don't you just love it!

Don't Lose It!

2011-09-01T17:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a common spelling problem that I frequently encountered back when I was teaching and grading papers. Students often could not determine when to use the word "loose" and when to use the word "lose." It's a problem that typically doesn't occur in speech (because the words are pronounced differently), but does occur a lot in writing because of the similarity in the spelling of the two words.

The Tennis Match of Conversation: Dyadic Effect

2011-08-08T11:25:00.000-05:00

How can we know what is the RIGHT amount of self-disclosure in an interpersonal interaction? Psychologist Sidney Jourard (1971) argued in The Transparent Self that communicators typically exhibit what he called the “dyadic effect” in which each person would reflect his or her partner’s level of intimacy in their disclosures as a conversation (and a relationship) progressed—something like a good tennis match. Without this dyadic effect taking place, he argued, the relationship would not develop.

For example, imagine two friends from work having coffee.

Dialogue #1
John: Hey, glad we could get together. Boy, what a week. The boss is really pushing us.
Jim: Yeah, I don’t know if I can take much more it.
John: He’s getting to you?
Jim: Yeah, actually, that’s why I was out last week.
John: You mean when you were sick?
Jim: I wasn’t really sick. I was just exhausted.
John: Hey, I know what you mean. The guy has been on my case for weeks too.
Jim: Really?
John: Yeah, he made me take on Griffin’s project in addition to my own.
Jim: No kidding. He made me take over York’s. And just when everything has been going so bad for my wife.
John: Your wife?
Jim: Yeah, she’s been hospitalized for over a week now. I’ve been taking care of both kids. At least trying to.
John: Geez, that must be miserable. With a double load at work.
Jim: Yeah, I tried to talk to him, but—
John: He never listens. I got the same run around. He did the same thing to me last year when I broke my ankle. Remember?
Jim: Yeah. You mean he doubled up your work load when you were hobbling around on crutches?
John: Yeah. I wish there was something we could do.
Jim: Not much. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.

Notice how John and Jim actually listen to each other, respond to each other’s problems, and then share relevant personal information that has the effect of making them both feel better and develop a stronger relationship between the two.

Now, imagine this same dialogue in which John is NOT as disclosive.

Dialogue #2
John: Hey, glad we could get together. Boy, what a week. The boss is really pushing us.
Jim: Yeah, I don’t know if I can take much more it.
John: He’s getting to you?
Jim: Yeah, actually, that’s why I was out last week.
John: You mean when you were sick?
Jim: I wasn’t really sick. I was just exhausted.
John: Hey, I’m sorry.
Jim: Thanks. He made me take over York’s work. And just when everything has been going so bad for my wife.
John: Your wife?
Jim: Yeah, she’s been hospitalized for over a week now. I’ve been taking care of both kids. At least trying to.
John: Geez, that must be miserable. With a double load at work.
Jim: Yeah, I tried to talk to him, but—
John: He never listens
Jim: Yeah.
John: Yeah. I wish there was something we could do.
Jim: Not much.

Notice the differences are subtle. John is still considerate and still a good listener. John just doesn’t contribute any personal thoughts or feelings that are relevant to the situation. He is not disclosive.

Now imagine the same dialogue in which John is TOO disclosive.

Dialogue #3John: Hey, glad we could get together. Boy, what a week. The boss is really pushing us.
Jim: Yeah, I don’t know if I can take much more it.
John: Hey, I know what you mean. That jerk has been on my case for weeks too.
Jim: Really?
John: Yeah, he made me take on Griffin’s project in addition to my own.
Jim: No kidding. He made me—
John: He never listens. He did the same thing to me last year when I broke my ankle. Boy, it was awful. It really hurt and, man, I could barely walk. I was in the hospital in traction. It was agony to even stand for days. I just wanted to stay home and vegetate, but no, the Big Kahuna had to prove he owned me. Did I tell you I was in traction? I mean, what kind of jerk would make a guy keep on working when they’re just out of traction. That’s cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me. What a monster. It just burns me up.
Jim: Yeah. You mean he doubled up your work load when you were hobbling around on crutches?
John: Yeah. I wish there was something we could do.
Jim: Not much. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.

In this dialogue, John contributes too much in comparison to Jim, certainly given their less than best friend status. He doesn’t ask Jim about his experience with the boss or give Jim a chance to tell his story. He only talks about himself and his feelings.
Notice that in the first dialog there is a nice give and take, like in a good tennis match. The speakers are reciprocal in their messages and their self-disclosure. They listen to their partners and they respond with an appropriate remark. As the dialogue continues, the level of self-disclosure becomes increasingly intimate, such that at the end of even this very brief segment of dialogue, we sense that the two individuals have deepened their relationship by the sharing of their personal feelings and information.
I hope you recognize yourself as the John in Dialogue #1—not the John in Dialogues #2 or #3. Do you?

(photo by onthestreet @ www.flickr.com)

2011-07-31T09:59:00.000-05:00

Communication teachers are keen on the subject of memory. We know that it figures prominently in how communicators function--how they see themselves. When I taught communication courses I often had units on how memory functions, how to improve memory, and how memory influences our daily communication.

An interesting research finding about memory is the amazing influence that smell has on our memory. One study, for example, found that smell takes us back to earlier parts of our childhood more quickly and effectively than do other types of sensory stimuli. I have posted about smell and memory on this blog before.

You may have experienced the smell-memory phenomenon yourself. All of a sudden you smell something that brings forth images of your childhood. Maybe it's a recipe that your mother made. Maybe it's a perfume that was worn by a favorite grandmother. Maybe it's the woodsy odor of a forest that was near your home. Whatever it is, a smell can conjure up memories of a long gone time quicker and more potently than any visual or auditory image.

My brother demonstrated this for me a while ago when he visited from Davenport (and has written about the same phenomenon from his point of view on his blog). He arrived with a tiny container that held a small piece of doughy substance. When he removed the lid of the container, the odor of the little roll whisked me back to third grade.

I was with my Grandma Harriette and we were going to Miller and Paine's Tea Room in Lincoln, Nebraska, for lunch. On our way in, we always passed the Miller and Paine Bakery which was known for the most incredible cinnamon rolls I have ever tasted in my life. Each roll was a little gem and was totally encrusted in a layer of buttery, cinnamony goodness.

"Do you know what this is?" asked Ken, as he waved the little box under my nose.

Just from the smell, I immediately answered, "Miller and Paine cinnamon rolls!" Right I was. My sister Chris got it right too. No amount of description could match the smell of these rolls

What smell instantly takes you back to a specific moment in your childhood?

The Eyes Have It

2011-07-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

Yes, your eyes do speak, especially when you're thinking. Neurologists who study hemispheric brain processing have found that when the right hemisphere of your brain is active, your eyes tend to move to the left, and when the left hemisphere of your brain is active, your eyes tend to move to the right. Many researchers have suggested (although not all agree) that the left hemisphere of the brain is the seat of verbal processing, and the right hemisphere is the seat of visual processing. So, technically, if we were to watch your eyes move when you answer a question, we should be able to determine which hemisphere of your brain is at work.

Le on ard Shedletsky provides a nifty experiment for doing just this in his book Meaning and Mind: An Intrapersonal Approach to Human Communication. I used his experiment in my communication classes from time to time with varying results. You may wish to try it yourself on someone you know. Here it is:

Direction of Gaze Experiment

Note the respondent's direction of gaze right after you ask each question without letting him or her know that you are observing which way their eyes move.

Possible responses: right, left, up, down, straight, eyes closed

1. Tell me on which side the President parts his hair.

2. Think about this proverb and interpret its meaning for me: "Better a bad peace than a good war."

3. How many letters are in the word "anthropology"?

4. Think of a circle drawn so that it cuts each side of a square in two places. Into how many parts is the square divided by the circle?

5. Tell me an English word that starts with "L" and ends with "C".

6. Think of a clock face. The time is 10 past 10. Now imagine the clock turned towards a mirror. Ten minutes later you look into the mirror. What time does it appear to be?

7. Give me the answer to the following arithmetic problem: 125 divided by 5 and multiplied by 4.

8. Try to recall what your bathroom sink looked like when you go up this morning. Describe it to me.

9. Imagine seeing yourself climbing a steep hill. When you reach the top, tell me what you see.

10. Give me the answer to the following multiplication problem: 126 multiplied by 5.

After asking all ten questions, tabulate the number of times the respondent looks to the right and to the left. If they look to the right more often, this suggests (but by no means proves) that they tend to process information in their left hemisphere and could be labeled a verbal thinker. If they look to the left more often, they tend to process information in their right hemisphere and could be labeled a visual thinker.

You can narrow your results even further. Questions 2, 3, 5, 7, and 10 are designed to be verbal and more likely to produce eye movement to the right. Questions 1, 4, 6, 8, and 9, are designed to be visual and more likely to produce eye movement to the left. Respondents are more likely to answer the verbal questions with right eye movement and the visual questions with left eye movement. What does your respondent do?

If your respondent produces up or down eye movement or closes their eyes for most of the responses, then you won't be able to get an accurate assessment. Also, some research indicates a gender effect on tests such as these, with women typically scoring higher on verbal (eye movement to the right) and men typically scoring higher on visual (eye movement to the left) processing. So, take your respondent's gender into consider.

A final factor, according to Shedletsky, is handedness. If your respondent is left-handed, particularly if your respondent comes from a long line of left-handed ancestors, that may influence the way they process information. Handedness is thought to be a strong indicator of hemispheric dominance by some researchers.

What do you think? Are you a verbal processor? A visual processor? Did you try the eye movement test?

(photo by http://www.scientificamerican.com/ and graphic by http://www.tylersintrotoart.blogspot.com/)

SampleSunday: VOICE MAIL MURDER

2011-07-18T09:57:00.000-05:00

For your #SampleSunday reading pleasure--the opening chapter of my new mystery--third in the Pamela Barnes acoustic mystery series--VOICE MAIL MURDER. Now available in paperback and e-book from Amazon.

Enjoy! And please let me know what you think!

“Touchdown!” he growled, a half-smile warming his face and visible to her from the corner of her eye. She felt his breath on her neck and his large hands pressing down on her palms above her head as his nose burrowed into her hair. He was like a big bear to her and she liked them that way.

With a small effort, she twisted her elbows around, freeing her hands, and suddenly rolled over on top of him, pinning his large muscular body in a similar position that she had just experienced. Now her breath came faster as she straddled him like a cowboy, her long bare legs pressing against the firm skin above his boxers. Sheets twisted around her ankles, her short silk slip rode up, revealing her upper thighs. As her thick curls bounced around, she flung her head back and forth, reveling in her superior position like a rodeo rider on a magnificent stallion, twisting her torso in gyrating rhythms, mocking the man beneath her. The mattress squeaked in response to each movement as the couple bucked up and down, back and forth.

Finally, the woman halted. “Don’t think so, Coach,” she exclaimed suddenly,” laughing triumphantly. She gave his shoulder muscles a few quick kneads then sat bolt upright, slowly lifting her arms above her head while fluffing her curls in one upward flip as she might toss lettuce in a salad bowl. He watched her and observed her like a trainer watching a magnificent lion.

“Come back down here,” he whispered and grabbed her buttocks, letting his fingertips sink into her soft flesh. She bent her face slowly to his as if to kiss him then quickly returned to her upright position.

“Just as long as you realize who’s in charge here,” she smiled down at him and ran the fingers of one hand across the top of his salt and pepper crew cut.

"You are, doll,” he responded, “I like it when you’re in charge. You know that.” He reached again for her bottom, but the woman had glanced at her wristwatch, oblivious to his touch, and was now rolling effortlessly off the man’s body and over to the side of the bed. She tip-toed to the window and peeked between the blinds to look out at the walkway outside the room.

“Hey, come back here,” he whined, leaning back against his arm, his massive biceps bulging.

“It’s late,” she whispered pointedly, as she sat on the bed beside him. “Look.” She turned to him and pointed at her watch face, arching her eyebrows. “I’ve stayed too long already—and so have you.” She stood up, abruptly changing the level of the old sagging mattress so that the man’s body immediately dropped several inches. He kicked the covers back and pulled his legs around to the side of the bed, sitting beside her.

“But it was worth it, wasn’t it?” he reached around her waist with one arm and fondled a breast beneath the flimsy silk gown. Her skin warmed to his touch.

“Always,” she purred. “Always. I thoroughly enjoy our ‘encounters.’ You know that.”

“Encounters?” he smirked, pulling back and eyeing her suspiciously. “Like of the third kind?”

“Yes,” the woman answered, putting on a matching silk wrap from a chair by the window, “Sex with you is like from some other dimension!” She grabbed his face between her hands, her forehead to his as she breathed the words at him, finishing the titillation with a lick of her tongue.

“So, don’t leave,” he countered, pulling her towards him and leaning backward on the bed.

“Gotta’ go,” she said, cheerily, pulling from his grip, and heading to the bathroom. He rose reluctantly and paddled behind her, his bare feet slapping on the tile floor of the small bathroom area. “Got a busy day,” she continued. “Lots of appointments. You know that.” She stood in front of the mirror and pulled a tube of lipstick and a hairbrush from a designer bag on the countertop. She quickly dabbed on a layer of a bright red color, ran her fingertips deftly over her eyebrows, and flicked a small brush quickly through her mass of lush curls. Then, plopping the items back into the purse, she turned, pressed past him, and headed back into the room.

“Okay, okay,” he replied, following behind her. Then he sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumping. “You are quite a dish, you know. You drain me.” He watched her quickly slide into a grey skirt and a lavender silk blouse.

“All the more reason to call it a day,” she chirped. She was gorgeous—almost as tasty dressed as undressed. A beautiful, lush, shapely figure. Smooth, glowing skin. A remarkable face with huge eyes that absolutely sparkled with every word she said. He thought, and all that hair. Hair a man could get lost in. Hair he could dig his fingers in and grab hold of. She was buttoning her blouse now, fixing the collar just so.

The man stretched back on the bed, his arms crossed behind his head, leaning against the headboard. His tanned, toned body with every muscle on display, contradicted his face which was contorted by a mock hang-dog scowl. It was hard to look desirable in boxer shorts, he realized.

"Don’t be sad,” she pouted, tweaking his chin. “We’ll do it again, soon.” She gave him a beaming smile and pulled on a tailored suit jacket that matched her skirt. Altogether, a very professional business look, he mused. Not the outfit of a lady who had just indulged in an afternoon roll in the hay in a low-rent motel room. He could choose them, he thought. A classy broad. Do it again? For sure. He smiled. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

Balancing on one foot after another, she slid on a pair of tan leather three-inch heels and pranced away from him. She picked up a small black leather book that lay beside the television set on the long dresser and opened it.

“Same time, next week?” she asked as she ran her finger down a page.

“I’ll arrange something and call you,” he nodded, dutifully, laughing. He leaned back again on the bed and watched her final preparations. There was something totally engaging about watching a woman get dressed—not as engaging as watching her get undressed, he thought, but he liked to watch the ceremony of it all. Like locker room preparation.

“It’s easier for you than me!” she scolded him with a shake of a well-manicured fingertip, tucking the black book into the purse and placing the strap of the purse over her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “I have all this free time . . . ” He gestured around the small motel room.

“You at least have more control of your time than I do,” she teased. “I’m at the mercy of . . . others! You know that!” She headed towards the door.

“Be careful when you leave,” he said as she reached the door. She stopped abruptly.

“I always am,” she leaned towards him, whispered conspiratorially and smiled. “I don’t want to be seen any more than you do.” She opened the door, remaining slightly behind it and peered out carefully into the bright afternoon sunlight. After a second or two, she gave him a silent kiss, donned a pair of sunglasses, and slipped quietly out the door and disappeared from sight.

After she closed the door, the man stood up and stretched. He was exhausted but pleasantly so. He could easily take a nap—maybe a two or three hour nap. He could probably get away with it. No one really paid that much attention to his goings and comings—at least in the early afternoons. Even so, he couldn’t stay here indefinitely. Looking at his watch, he saw that he’d already spent over an hour with the woman. He needed to get going. He rose and ambled towards the bathroom, grabbing his shirt and trousers along the way. He slipped into his clothes and was just splashing water on his face as a sort of wake-up call when a knock on the door to the room caused him to freeze.

Was she back? Did she forget something? Must be. Or it could be the maid.

“Who is it?” he called out as he walked to the door. No response. Gingerly, he peered through the small glass peep hole. What the . . .? He pulled back sharply, flattening himself against the wall.

Another knock.

“I know you’re in there,” said a voice he recognized.

Double checking the peep hole, he realized that he was right. What was going on? Maybe it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Probably something totally innocuous, he told himself. Carefully, he opened the door.

“Uh, hi.” Play it cool.

“What are you doing here?” asked the visitor at the door.

“What do you mean?” He stammered. “I. . . I. . . was just trying to get away. You know, some privacy.” He could feel his face redden and a thin layer of sweat was beginning to form at his temples. The visitor moved closer to him, looking first directly into his eyes, and then, pointedly, inside the motel room.

“Privacy?” asked the visitor.

“Yes, ah, yes. Sometimes, I really need to just get away for a while—be by myself.”

“You’re by yourself?” asked the visitor, with a slight smile.

“Sure. Alone. You can see,“ the man answered, his arm gesturing towards the interior of the room.

“Why don’t I believe you?” The visitor pushed past the man and entered the room. The dark motel room contrasted sharply to the bright sunny day. As the visitor’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, the contents of the room became clear; the visitor could see the primary object in the small room—the king-sized bed, sheets rumpled.

“Doesn’t look like you were alone,” said the visitor, staring down at the bed—and the stained sheets.

“I was,” responded the man, closing the door. This was embarrassing. And this discussion was much too loud and likely to be heard by someone outside.

“I was alone,” he repeated, more insistent, walking closer to the visitor. “Besides, it’s none of your business.”

“Yes, it is,” the visitor said quietly, and remained staring at the man.

“Why are you here anyway?” the man asked, flustered—no, angry now. He was not going to engage in a verbal battle with this person. It would just be a waste of time. “I was just leaving,” the man announced suddenly. He strode over to the nightstand where his wallet, cell phone, and keys were located. He picked up the wallet and shoved it in his back pocket. He reached down to grab his cell phone and keys. As he did, he felt a sharp pain in the center of his back.

“What the. . .?”

The pain tore into his body. Then again. A horrific, searing pain. He turned, or tried to turn. As he stretched his head to the side, he saw a hand holding a large, sharp instrument, poised in the air, ready to drop. The hand hit his back again, digging the sharp implement into his back. And again. He tried to reach out—to speak—to call for help. Surely, someone here would hear him, someone must be around. It was a motel, for God’s sake. Maybe a maid, the desk clerk? But . . . no, it was too late. Another blow fell onto his back. And another. Sharp blows continued to pummel him. That sharp, horrible pain that he couldn’t stop. That was the last thing he remembered as his body slid quietly to the floor of the motel room—the sharp pain. His cell phone and keys dropped from his hands and silently landed onto the mottled green rug. The cell phone bounced when it fell and slid under the bed, out of sight.

Not waiting to check on the man’s condition, the visitor quickly grabbed the weapon, quietly placed a “Do Not Disturb” placard on the outside room door, and disappeared down the back stairs.

Do You Take Your Turn?

2011-07-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

Turn-taking behavior is the feature of conversation that suggests that each person involved in a conversation is allowed a certain amount of time to present their ideas and then must allow the other individual the right to respond. That is, each of you must take your turn. This is often harder than it looks. Although you have been having conversations since you were little, you have never been given any rules regarding how to take turns in a conversation—the rules just come naturally to most people—but not to all.

Although turn-taking rules of conversation exist, they are not formal. But, here are some of the informal rules:

(1) In a conversation, the speaker gestures, not the listener

(2) In a conversation, good listeners indicate that they are listening by giving vocal feedback (“uh huh,” “yeah,” or “right.”)

(3) In a conversation, speakers indicate they are ready to hand the floor over to listeners by ceasing gesturing, dropping pitch, and making direct eye contact.

Communication experts have identified dozens of “rules” of turn-taking. As you become more proficient in conversing, you will discover many more of these “rules” of communication.

Can you think of any more informal "rules" of turn-taking behaviors in conversation?

Appreciate New Authors

2011-07-12T15:46:00.000-05:00

Here's a new site devoted to new authors. Guess who they are featuring on July 12? ME! Please stop by and check out this new way to find new reads you might enjoy and please tell your friends about it too!

www.lovethyauthors.com

Through a Bookstore Window

2011-07-06T09:43:00.000-05:00

What a thrill it is for this fledgling cozy mystery publisher to see a photograph of a bookstore window--far away in Massachusetts, sporting a copy of a Cozy Cat Press novel! You can see it clear as day--Cynthia Gallant-Simpson's A Deadly Snow Fall right there in the middle of all those books! Check out this book and all of our mysteries at www.cozycatpress.com.

C Versus Z

2011-06-25T09:04:00.000-05:00

I have a personal soft spot for the letter C as it appears in both my first name (a soft C) and my last name (a hard C) and it was even in my maiden name. My sister's name starts with a C, as does my daughter's name. So, as you see, I have many personal and familial reasons to adore C.

Even so, I argue that the letter C is redundant and can easily be replaced by already existing letters--S and K. Some folks think that the letter Z should be eliminated because it appears in far fewer words. I can understand this reasoning if we were only considering the spelling issue. But, to me, the main concern is not spelling, but pronunciation. The letter Z creates no pronunciation problems for English speakers--even new English speakers. It is invariably pronounced the same way in every word. The letter C, on the other hand, can be pronounced in various different ways--and therein lies the confusion.

Also, the Z sound appears in many words that are presently spelled with an S. If we spelled words the way they are pronounced, we could replace the S in those words with Z's and many English words would instantly become easier to produce. Why is this? The letters Z and S are a pair--what phoneticians call a voiced/unvoiced pair. You produce both sounds exactly the same way with your mouth, teeth, lips, and tongue. The ONLY thing that is different is that when you say the letter Z, your vocal folds vibrate and when you say the letter S, they don't. If you don't believe me, just put your fingers on your larynx (that hard lump in the middle of your throat) and say both sounds. If you pronounce them correctly, you should feel vibration when you produce Z and no vibration when you produce S.

Thus, if we actually used the letter Z in all the English words that have the Z sound, the letter Z would become much more prolific--and you'd see it in far more words than just the occasional zebra. The bottom line is this: we need the letter Z. It represents an English sound that is not represented by any other English letter. Go, Zebra!

What do you say? C or Z? Should we eliminate one?

Who That?

2011-06-13T10:25:00.000-05:00

It makes me cringe--more when reading than when listening--the use of "that" for "who" in sentences. I guess it bothers me so much because people are not things and using "that" to refer to a person instead of "who" seems so demeaning.

For example:

John is a man that is kind to animals.

I like a woman that can cook.

People that need people are the luckiest people in the world.

You get my drift. So many speakers and writers use "that" when they should use "who" that it's virtually unnoticed. Not a big problem given the many problems we face in today's world--but one that's easily remedied.

You can be the person WHO can help remedy it.

(graphic from www.hoboken411.com)

Simplify Your Bucket List

2011-06-05T14:28:00.005-05:00

You may or may not have a bucket list--those things you really want to do or accomplish before you--you know--kick the bucket. But, even if you don't have an official "bucket list," you surely have some goal or dream in the back of your mind--that one thing you'd really like to do or one place you'd really like to visit or one person you'd really like to meet someday.

I have those rather amorphous dreams and goals too and, although I've never written them down on paper, I could probably rattle off a few for you--cruise to Alaska, meet the queen, fly on one of those individual jet packs (yes, I know that makes no sense for someone who's terrified of airplanes). You no doubt could list a few items that would fit nicely on your bucket list too.

That is why when I read this morning's Parade magazine, an article entitled "Jimmy Fallon's Bucket List Is Out of This World," caught my eye. You'd think that a celebrity like Jimmy Fallon would have some pretty lofty goals and extravagant dreams on his bucket list--and you'd think with his clout and money, he'd be able to achieve many, if not most, of them. Well, think again. Yes, of course, Jimmy does have a few things he'd like to do before "bucket time" that we average Joes could never even consider (such as singing with David Bowie on Richard Branson's spaceship), but many of his dreams are simple ones. In fact, I was so taken with the simplicity of the dreams on Jimmy's list that it got me thinking about revamping my own bucket list to include more basic wishes.

For instance, here are some of Jimmy's goals for his bucket list: stand at the base of a really tall tree, attend a religious service of a faith different from your own, invite someone new to Thanksgiving, read the Constitution, write a thank you letter to a teacher who has made a difference in your life, make your own Halloween costume, learn to tap dance (easy to do with YouTube videos), and more. I liked these especially because of their ease of completion and the potential for how they could ultimately enrich your life and the lives of others.

I'm really thinking about my bucket list now--maybe fewer expensive vacations and purchases and more ways to discover enlightenment and open my own eyes. Thank you, Jimmy for your bucket list. Isn't it interesting what your bucket list says about you?

What is on your bucket list?

(graphic from www.twinpossible.com)

Two Announcements

2011-05-30T11:49:00.001-05:00

Cozy Cat Press is proud to announce the publication of two new cozy mysteries. First, is the debut cozy mystery of our brand new author--Cynthia Gallant-Simpson. Cynthia's book, A Deadly Snow Fall, follows the exploits of British newcomer Liz Ogilvie-Smythe to the shores of America, as she takes over an inn she inherited on Cape Cod. Barely settled, she is thrust into a local mystery when the town curmudgeon Edwin Snow III falls from the top of the Pilgrim Monument. Is it suicide or was he pushed? There are certainly plenty of people in Provincetown who hated the man. Liz decides to investigate--and along the way she discovers much more than she bargained for. I think you will discover much more than you bargain for too if you read A Deadly Snow Fall, because this book is full of fun, excitement, romance, and wonderful local color that can only be brought to life by an author who truly knows and loves her area. Right now, Cynthia's book is only available in ebook format at Smashwords, but it will soon be out in other venues--and I will let you know as soon as it is.

The second announcement is my third book in my Pamela Barnes acoustic mystery series. This one is entitled Voice Mail Murder. A local football coach is found stabbed to death in a motel room. The only clue is the cell phone found next to his body which contains voice mail messages from three women. The police believe that one of these women is probably the killer, but when they begin to investigate, they cannot locate any of them. Sound like a case for our intrepid amateur sleuth Pamela? The police think so, and they ask her to analyze the voice mail messages with her special acoustic technology to see if she can identify the women. Will she be able to help the police track down the voice mail mistresses? Or will her efforts to help backfire and lead her into danger? You can find out in Voice Mail Murder--right now, only available in ebook format from Smashwords. Soon in paperback and other sources.

Hope you try one or both of the new Cozy Cat Press publications. If you do, please let me know what you think.

Talking to Yourself Again?

2011-05-24T12:58:00.000-05:00

You may think that people who talk to themselves have a screw loose. Not so, says Communication researcher Donna Vocate in her book Intrapersonal Communication: Different Voices, Different Minds. Vocate argues that we all talk to ourselves and that it's actually a good thing that we do. Not only that, she suggests that we can even learn to utilize this self-talk to improve our lives.

What is self-talk? According to Vocate, there are two forms of self-talk: silent and audible. For most of us, when we self-talk, it happens inside our minds and only we "hear" it. Sometimes, particularly when we are alone, such internal talk may become audible and we actually speak.

Vocate also notes that self-talk can be either intentional or unintentional. With the intentional variety, we may use self-talk to organize or plan our behaviors or activities. I know I use this type of self-talk frequently, creating elaborate imaginary dialogues not only with myself but with other people in my life as I plan how to handle difficult situations that confront me. With the unintentional variety, we may consider issues that we might not wish to or even be able to consider consciously. Some people might label such self-talk thinking or daydreaming or musing--or a variety of other terms, but it still has the same effect.

The bottom line for Vocate (and for me) when it comes to self-talk is that it's not something about which we should be embarrassed--whether it's intentional or unintentional, silent or audible. It's a type of talk, a type of communication that can help us deal with our daily problems. We can "reframe our perception of the situation" Vocate says, "to ensure that our behavior will "be as flawless as possible."

So, let's all use our ability to self-talk by practicing our best communication skills and testing ideas out inside our heads before actually opening our mouths to speak.

Do you practice effective self-talk?

(photo from www.karmickappuchino.com)

Everything Old Is New Again

2011-05-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

Hmm, does the recent royal wedding in Great Britain bear a striking resemblance to a famous Disney movie--or is it just me?

Fake Smiles and Real Smiles

2011-05-06T16:58:00.000-05:00

Can you tell a fake smile from a genuine smile? Most people can. But do you know what it is that distinguishes a fake smile from a genuine smile? This is something that communication researchers who study nonverbal cues having been investigating for quite some time.

A fake smile involves only the muscles at the ends of the mouth, usually with little teeth showing. A genuine smile (often called a Duchenne smile after Guillaume Duchenne who first named it) involves not only the muscles at the ends of the mouth, but also the muscles in the cheeks and those around the eyes which, when stretched, form what we call "crow's feet." (So, if you have crow's feet, don't consider this a bad thing; it just means you smile genuinely a lot.) The genuine smile also typically shows a wide open mouth with lots of teeth.

The photo above was taken by Jennifer Konig and was downloaded from Flickr. If you have any doubt whether Mike's smile is fake or genuine, I feel sorry for you (although the lack of teeth may cause you some concern). Thank you, Jennifer. When I saw this joyous photo, I really knew what it meant to smile.

Talk and Tea

2011-05-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

The Tarts and Truffles Shop in Woodstock, Illinois, was the setting yesterday for a royal tea sponsored by the local AAUW's Mystery Book Club. Several of the members wore hats in honor of the recent royal wedding. My writing buddy Diane Morlan and I were the featured speakers. We had a marvelous time experiencing a genuine afternoon tea ceremony--complete with individual tea service, a magnificent selection of pastries, and wonderful conversation with a group of delightful ladies.

I took photographs of the event because it was all so lovely--and something I had never experienced before. Here you see the tea I ordered--Blueberry Bingo. Each guest had their own tea pot in a color appropriate to the tea they ordered. In each pot, you can see the strainer. My tea, for example, was not just a bunch of thin, crunched up leaves--it included big chuncks of fresh blueberries. As the little pot sat on our table, you could smell the fruity blend across the room. Diane ordered a strawberry tea and it arrived in a pink pot.

We received our pastries in a three-tier pyramid. Freshly-baked scones were on the bottom-level along with clotted cream (which tastes like a combination of butter and whipped cream) and fresh jam. The middle level held miniature pastries, and the top level had biscuits. Here is a photograph of my scone with some of the clotted cream.

What Is the Most Common English Sound?

2011-04-20T10:09:00.000-05:00

What's the most common sound in the English language? You might be tempted to say "E" if you watch a lot of Wheel of Fortune as I do. But, notice! I didn't say "the most common vowel or the most common letter," I said "the most common sound." Although the letter "E" is the most common vowel and the most common letter, the most common sound in English is the schwa.

Just what is a schwa and what is its sound? To keep things simple, you can think of the schwa as the "UH" sound. And it's a really prevalent sound in English--more so in American English than in British English. (Dictionaries represent the schwa as an upside-down small letter "e" as shown in the graphic).

For Americans, the schwa sound is typically produced in ALL unaccented syllables (not always so for the Brits). Thus, the schwa sound appears in a whole lot of words! It's the "a" in adopt. It's the "e" in synthesis. It's the "i" in regiment. It's the "o" in harmony. It's the "u" in medium. If you don't believe me, say these words out loud and see if you don't hear the "UH" sound.

The fact that we Americans tend to "schwa-ize" so many vowels (particularly in unaccented syllables) is one of the primary differences between the American accent and the British accent. Indeed, if you want to sound British, just avoid the schwa sound in unaccented syllables and produce the actual vowel that appears there. If you changed just this one feature in your pronunciation, you could probably sound like a born and bred Brit in time for the Royal Wedding next week.

But, if you're happy sounding like an American, just keep on using every American's favorite sound--the schwa. Given how much we Americans seem to love the schwa sound, is it any wonder a favorite American expression is "Duh!"? Do you hear the schwa? I told you so. It's everywhere!