Complete Slacker

Slacker tip #189 - Don’t come in with a lot of stuff

the complete slacker — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 03:55:57 +0000

If you are like me then you are all about getting to work late and leaving early. This is easier in some work places than others. If you sit near a lot of people then it is likely going to be easier to leave early than to come in late. I recently had this dilemma and came up with a fool-proof way to leave early without getting caught. In fact, I sometimes left up to a half hour early without getting caught.

See, I used to come into work with a lunch bag and a backpack. This meant that if I wanted to sneak out I would make a lot of noise with all of that stuff AND it would be obvious that I was leaving if I walked out of the department carrying all that stuff. I knew that I needed to look like I was just going to the bathroom or something. That means that I needed to be empty handed!

I changed up my routine a bit and only carried in what I needed into the office. On days that I did not pack a lunch I came into the office with nothing. On days that I brought my lunch I would take my lunch bag to the car before my lunch period was up. This allowed me to have absolutely nothing to carry to car at the end of the day.

The bonus of this technique is that people can’t walk by your desk and judge if you are there or not if you never have anything at your desk!

I would get up and leave early. People probably thought I was going to the bathroom or another floor in the building. I also left my computer on to keep up the charade.

And what if you run into the boss in the elevator or parking garage? Just say that you needed to get something out of your car.

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Office Prank - The Non-working Mouse

the complete slacker — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:03:17 +0000

Never forget there is more than one way to make a mouse stop working. Unplugging someone’s mouse from the back of his or her computer is a classic. In fact, it’s so classic, you can use it in your prank. Laser mice make it so easy to prevent your co-workers from getting their jobs done. Just take one of those miniature-sized sticky notes and apply it to the back of your co-worker’s mouse over the laser window, then return the mouse to its original position. The minis are just the right size to stay perfectly hidden beneath the surface of the mouse. The person whose mouse you sabotaged will figure it out eventually, but you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how many idiots you have on their knees beneath their desks before they bother checking the underside of their mouse.

For extra fun, do this to every mouse in your office at once. It’s a great way to weed out the morons.

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Slacker tip #188 - Forging real doctor’s notes can get you arrested

the complete slacker — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:56:25 +0000

I have said on here before that being a complete slacker is not for the amateurs. As if any proof of that is needed, a woman in South Carolina got herself arrested for taking some real doctor’s business cards and forms and making some fake doctor’s notes. Here’s the info…

Woman jailed for allegedly faking doctor’s notes
Jun 11, 2009 2:18 PM EST
MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. - Students have been known to try to fake a doctor’s note to get out of school. A South Carolina woman has now been arrested and accused of writing fake doctor’s notes for four students. The Sun News of Myrtle Beach reported Wednesday that 45-year-old Naomi Antoinette Aranda was charged with forgery. Horry County police said she wrote notes for four students at Socastee High School, including her own child.

Police said the fake documents were created using business cards and forms and were faxed to the school with fake signatures.

Aranda was being held in the Horry County jail. It was unclear if she had an attorney.

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Information from: The Sun News, http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com

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Office Prank - Rigging a Chair to Drop Down

the complete slacker — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:29:22 +0000

Have you ever worked in an office that has those chairs that you can rig so that they will drop down when someone sits in them? If so, you already know how much fun those can be. What is awesome about them is that when you rig them to drop they appear to be just fine. The chair will still look like a tall, normal office chair. But as soon as someone sits in it, down it goes! This is particularly fun to do if there is a meeting - bonus points if you get to do it to the chair of the person leading the meeting. Especially if they come into the room and sit down last!

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Office Prank That Will Probably Get You Fired

the complete slacker — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:40:07 +0000

I was recently reading a list of office pranks and the number two office prank was:

Sent a fake love note to a co-worker from another co-worker.

Um, yeah, that’s a bad idea. One that will likely get you fired. See, there is this little thing called sexual harrassment. And that is what this prank could fall under if things go awry. So, go yourself a favor. Don’t do this prank.

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Office Prank - Death in the bathroom stall

the complete slacker — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:30:31 +0000

Looking for a good office prank?

If you have only one bathroom stall in the bathroom at work you will want to check out this gem.

Get a pair of pants and a pair of shoes. Put them in the stall so that it looks like someone is in the stall. You will need to make the door of the stall look shut, so you may have to do that child thing where you lock it from the inside and crawl under.

Anyways, see how long the pants and shoes stay in the stall until someone gets concerned that there has been a death in the bathroom stall.

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Slacker tip #187 - Use Craigslist to keep the boss busy

the complete slacker — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:06:11 +0000

If you have a boss that spends more time at your desk checking up on you than at their own desk, well, that is a problem. But it is not a problem that cannot be solved. At least temporarily.

If your boss has a direct phone line you can use that to keep ‘em busy. Get on Craigslist and place and ad on the site. Make it for something that you know people would be interested in and make it a steal of a deal. Then include the phone number for your boss as the contact info. If all goes as planned, your boss will spend the day fielding calls from hungry Craigslisters!

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Slacker tip #186 - Get paid in the potty

the complete slacker — Thu, 28 May 2009 00:20:25 +0000

Here is a recent user submitted slacker tip to check out. My comments follow it.

At my job, and I’m sure many others, we get two fifteen minute breaks and one lunch hour. I never waste a break or lunch using the restroom. I save it all for regular working hours. Especially bowel movements. I rarely go at home unless its the weekend. Save them all for work. Also drinking a lot of water helps and allows you the valid excuse to excuse yourself from working. In a given day you can spend at least 15-20 minutes in the bathroom. You dont even have to go… just read or text on your phone. May not seem like much but my company pays me to take a crap for 2 hours a week. Not bad.

I agree with this one. When I am at work I drink LOADS of water so that I have an excuse to get up from my desk repeatedly. It works and no one says a word to me.

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Funny: How to deal with a slacker co-worker

the complete slacker — Fri, 15 May 2009 21:04:11 +0000

I love when I see articles where people are complaining about slacker co-workers. Of course, what is not funny is having to deal with those people in person. I suspect all of you have worked with someone in the past that made it their business to tell on you for slacking. I don’t know why these nosy people care. And why don’t they ever get in trouble? Clearly they are spying on you instead of working, which makes them just as much of a slacker.

Here’s a sample of one of those articles.

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Slacker tip #185 - know what the boss drives

the complete slacker — Wed, 13 May 2009 04:28:21 +0000

It is a good idea to know what your boss drives to work. Also find out if the boss has more than one car. This is important so that you will be able to tell when the boss is already at work. You will also want to know this for the days that you sneak out early.

You see, a while back I was able to sneak out of work about 15 minutes early. As I was sitting at a traffic light near work I saw my boss pulling up in another lane in my rearview mirror. I knew this because I knew what the boss drove to work.

I was able to make sure that I did not end up beside the boss in traffic, thus saving my ass!

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