Complete Slacker

Being Sick Excuse #54 - Getting a Flu Shot

the complete slacker — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 04:05:50 +0000

If you are looking for a great excuse to get you out of work early why not try Getting A Flu Shot!

With this whole H1N1 epidemic people are getting crazy about both the regular flu vaccine and the H1N1 vaccine. Now, if your office is not having someone come in and do the flu shots you are gold here.

Just keep in mind that your co-workers will likely want to know where you are going for said flu shot. They will likely get a wild-eyed, ravenous look in their eyes when they learn that someone has flu shots in the area. So, be prepared with your info - tell them the location and how much it costs. That should cover your ass with the co-workers. And enjoy the early afternoon off!

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Slacker tip #199 - become friends with the enemy

the complete slacker — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:18:23 +0000

And by enemy I mean boss. I know what some of you are thinking. This is crazy advice. But just here me out peeps!

I have been a slacker at far too many jobs to know how things end. You get a pretty good run at a job until a co-worker feels the need to run and tattle on you for something they saw you doing. Then it is bye-bye cushy slacker job. Well, there is an easy way to prevent this from happening.

Get all buddy-buddy with the boss. This will serve two purposes. 1 - Co-workers will know that you are friends with the boss and they will think twice before tattling on you to the boss. 2 - When someone does tattle the boss will not be as quick to act since they will think that they know you and that it can’t be true.

Of course, there are some dangers to this. You could get extra work or extra visits from the boss to your desk. As long as you can delegate the work and look busy then you should be okay.

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Slacker tip #198 - bring your own internet access

the complete slacker — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:10:15 +0000

Nothing is quite as frustrating as getting to a job and discovering that they have blocked internet access. Bastards! Good news though - you can bring your own!

A lot of the cell phone companies sell “mobile broadband devices” which are USB modems that give you high speed internet access to whichever computer you are hooked up to. Of course, you typically have to install a program to get it to work. So, as long as you can install programs on the computer you will be good to go. Assuming that you can get cell phone signals in the building.

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Office Prank - Death in the bathroom stall

the complete slacker — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:30:31 +0000

Looking for a good office prank?

If you have only one bathroom stall in the bathroom at work you will want to check out this gem.

Get a pair of pants and a pair of shoes. Put them in the stall so that it looks like someone is in the stall. You will need to make the door of the stall look shut, so you may have to do that child thing where you lock it from the inside and crawl under.

Anyways, see how long the pants and shoes stay in the stall until someone gets concerned that there has been a death in the bathroom stall.

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Being Sick Excuse #53 - Bedbugs

the complete slacker — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:03:47 +0000

If you are looking for a great excuse that can get you out of work for a few days every couple of weeks for a month or so then I have it for you.

Bedbugs.

This is an excuse that should be considered carefully because it involves a lot of research on bedbugs, etc. Plus people will think that you have cooties

Typically when bedbugs are found in a home you have to get someone to do a heat treatment to the place. In some instances is takes more than one treatment. And of course all of your belongings have to be cleaned and such.

This excuse will get you loads of questions from co-workers as well. So you have to be ready to deal with those.

BUT - you can easily get out of work multiple times with this excuse and you won’t need a doctor’s note.

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Being Sick Excuse #52 - Swine flu again!

the complete slacker — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:54:22 +0000

You know what is great about there being another piggy flu scare? The fact that people are so paranoid and scared about it. This means that you can totally get out of work for a few days with no problems at all since no one wants to get the doomsday virus.

All you gots to do is call in saying that you gots the flu and that you are staying home in case it turns out to be the piggy flu. Your boss and co-workers will throw a party in your honor. That is how scared people are of the piggy flu.

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Office Prank - The Non-working Mouse

the complete slacker — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:33:17 +0000

Never forget there is more than one way to make a mouse stop working. Unplugging someone’s mouse from the back of his or her computer is a classic. In fact, it’s so classic, you can use it in your prank. Laser mice make it so easy to prevent your co-workers from getting their jobs done. Just take one of those miniature-sized sticky notes and apply it to the back of your co-worker’s mouse over the laser window, then return the mouse to its original position. The minis are just the right size to stay perfectly hidden beneath the surface of the mouse. The person whose mouse you sabotaged will figure it out eventually, but you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how many idiots you have on their knees beneath their desks before they bother checking the underside of their mouse.

For extra fun, do this to every mouse in your office at once. It’s a great way to weed out the morons.

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Slackers are an epidemic?

the complete slacker — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:12:58 +0000

I came across an interesting article today - Surviving Slackerville: How to Work with Slackers. Apparently, us slackers are viewed as somewhat of an epidemic, like the piggy flu. We wreak havoc on the workplace by doing absolutely nothing.

Particularly amusing is the 10 commandments for slackers that is listed in the article. Apparently we can be distinguished by our quirky clothing. What?

There is also instruction for the worker ants on how to work with us slackers. Damn that Susie Slacker for talking on the phone while the worker ants are being good little worker ants. Then the worker ants are comforted by the fact that karma will get the slackers in the end.

I dunno about you slackers, but karma has been pretty effin good to me. I was making almost 55K at my most recent job. Thank you, karma, for sticking it to me.

Click on the link to the article above for a humorous read. Too bad they instruct the worker ants to be tattle tales on us slackers.

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Looking for office prank ideas?

the complete slacker — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:24:14 +0000

Office pranks are fun. That is provided that you work with good natured people. If you are looking for some office pranks I recently came across a few you might not have heard of before. Have a look at Funny Office Pranks over at WeirdOMatic. It’s certain to give you a few good ideas for office pranks.

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Slacker tip #197 - Fake ‘em out with manufactured sneezes

the complete slacker — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:41:54 +0000

A sure sign that someone is getting all sickly and coming down with something is sneezing. And runny noses. But in my experience, if you are sneezing enough you get a runny nose regardless of being sickly.

The good news is this - it’s easy to make yourself sneeze and therefore look sick! And I’m sure you have been at an office when someone is at work sick and everyone keeps their distance from that person. That person can be you.

Just have a little pepper shaker in your pocket or something. And when no one is looking put it up near your nose and it will get you to sneezing every time! Before you know it, you will be able to tell the boss you are feeling sickly and need to go home. And they will be glad to send you home as they won’t want your cooties!

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