Before you touch a woman between her legs, make sure your nails are
cut short. You don’t want to accidentally nick the most sensitive
areas of her body. How short is enough? Here’s a test: Curve your
finger down in the shape of a hook and rub the gum area just below your
lower front teeth. If you can feel your nail, she will feel it too,
and she won’t enjoy it.

Dear Shiva,

I had sex with my girlfriend more than thrice without using condom.
But every time i release my sperms inside her vagina & take my penis
outside i have noticed all the sperms immediately come out of her vagina.
Is this a common one for everyone or else is there any problem with me
or my girl friend. We need to clarify this problem before our marriage
bcos we are very much worried about this. Bcos i think after our marraige
if this happens then there is no possibility of pregnancy. Please suggest
us to go for any medical care or not?

Regards,
SP, Male, 29 years, from New Delhi, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

There is no problem with you or your girlfriend. It is normal for
some of the semen to run out of the vagina. Male semen contains
20-100 million sperm per ml of fluid. During ejaculation 3-5 ml of
your semen deposits about 300 million sperms into her vagina. And all
she needs to get pregnant is ONE SPERM. Your girlfriend can still get
pregnant even if most of your semen flows out.

I am newly married, always tense and worried during sex because
I find sex painful, so I cannot get involved and satisfy my husband
even for five mins.

RM, Female, 26 years, from Tamil Nadu, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

When intercourse is painful for a woman, all she thinks about during
sex is the PAIN. It’s very difficult for her to relax and get into
an erotic mood, or to feel the desire to give her partner pleasure.

Discuss this frankly with your husband. Here are two of my past
newsletters related to your situation.

Pain during intercourse: http://tinyurl.com/dxqk4b
How to make love to a virgin: http://tinyurl.com/cbhmjp

I suggest you read them together and implement some of my tips.
If pain during intercourse still persists, please see a doctor.

Is circumcision mandatory to enjoy sex.
I am facing a lot of pain due to foreskin.

SS, Male, 31 years, from Hyderabad, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Circumcision is not mandatory to enjoy good sex. During normal erection
the foreskin retracts, exposing the head of the penis. In some men
however, the foreskin does not retract completely, causing pain during
erection or intercourse.

Some men may find sex painful the first couple of times, and then the
pain disappears. But if the pain persists or is unbearable, doctors
recommend circumcision.

Don’t hesitate to consult your doctor, and don’t be shy; most doctors
have examined quite a few penises.

What gives a women the most pleasure in foreplay?

JS, Male, 23 years, from Bangalore, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Every woman is sexually unique.

Some prefer lots of breast action, some like it when you play with
their buttocks, some love gentle, clitoral stimulation.

Some women like it gentle & slow, some like it wild & rushed.

Even the same woman might prefer different lovemaking styles at
different times depending on how aroused she is or what her emotional
desires & moods are or where she’s at in her menstrual cycle.

If your partner feels comfortable enough to tell you (or even show
you) what gives her the most pleasure, that’s great, pay close
attention and do your best to do what she asks you to.

However, many women feel shy to tell a man what they want in bed.
Here are some reasons why: http://tinyurl.com/c2cjdg

But as a good lover you have to take the time to find out what gives
her pleasure.

If you’re unsure, talk with her. Ask if your various moves feel
good, especially when you’re fondling her buttocks, breasts and
genitals. Ask specific questions. “Is this pressure ok?”, “Would
you like it lighter?” “Stronger?” “Take my hand and show me”.

Or provide a few samples she could choose from. For example, caress
her inner thigh in three ways, A, B and C and let her pick one. Nibble
her buttocks in three ways, 1, 2 and 3 and let her pick one. It’s a
fun and playful way to find out what she enjoys. That’s what great
sex is all about, the fun and the playfulness.

Many men approach sexual pleasure as if it was a DESTINATION to be
reached in a hurry. But the best lovers enjoy the JOURNEY without
worrying about the destination.

Squeeze a woman’s breast as if you’re trying to locate a small
pearl-sized object lodged inside, and you’re nudging it upwards and
out through the nipple. Start from the base, squeeze all around,
slowly moving your hand upwards, higher and higher, until you’re
squeezing just the tip of the nipple. Repeat.

Sir, of late i have started suffering from retrograde ejaculation.
The semen is released but before coming out to the external the
erection subsides and almost entire semen remains in without coming
out. Pl suggest remedial measures or any medicine. Can i take GERIFORTE
by Himalaya drugs. Pl reply.

RS, Male, 42 years, from Chandigarh, India

 
>>>MY COMMENTS:

Retrograde ejaculation occurs when semen travels backwards into the
bladder instead of emerging out of the penis during orgasm. It is
caused by certain medications, health conditions or surgeries that
involve the muscles or nerves that control the bladder opening.

It is diagnosed by the presence of an unusually large number of
sperm in urine. Retrograde ejaculation is not harmful; men can enjoy
normal sexual activity, except that the orgasm is ‘dry’.

The infertility due to lack of ejaculate can sometimes be a matter
of concern for the man, and this can be treated by drugs with a high
level of success. Only your doctor can advise which drug
is suitable for you.

I love my girlfriend very much. I always feel like giving her a
foreplay, i just want to know how can i satisfy her with foreplay?
Also where all should i kiss her?

AB, Male, 20 years, from Pune, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Where should you kiss her? E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E.
Every square inch of her body.

Most men view the lips, breasts and vulva as the only body parts
worth caressing and kissing. Women can’t understand why the other
areas of her body are ignored and left out of sexual play.

The key to great foreplay is your willingness to travel her whole body,
caressing, fondling, kissing every part of her, while staying away
from her ‘hot’ spots (lips, breasts, genitals) at first.

And I mean WHOLE body…ears, scalp, shoulders, arms, fingers, back,
buttocks, sides, back of knee, forehead, toes, calves, armpits,
abdomen, eyelids…every single part.

My wife’s 56. Her ovaries had to be removed 8 years ago during a
hysterotectomy operation. Subsequently we did have sex but slowly
the frequency reduced and finally we stopped since last 2-3 years.
There in dryness /shrinking of the vaginal canal which is leading
to further abstinence and further loss of elasticity and dryness in vagina.

So for a long time i havent even tried sex since she can barely
manage to insert 2 fingers inside and i would injure her surely
if i tried. I do not wish her to take harmonal drugs to assist
lubrication / normalisation of vagina since the doc said drug
isnt good as it can cause breast cancer etc.

Is there no other way we can have sex all our life ?

AK, Male, 58 years, from Mumbai, India

>>>MY COMMENTS:

After menopause (the end of menstrual periods), women often
experience a narrowing of the vagina that makes penetration
difficult or impossible, particularly if there has not been regular
sexual intercourse in the years preceding.

Dilator therapy might help her anatomy adapt to a healthy sexual
relationship all over again.

Also remember, sex is not just about intercourse. In fact, most women
(roughly 70% of all women) CANNOT orgasm through intercourse. They
need clitoral stimulation, orally or manually, to express orgasm.

There is a wonderful variety of ‘outercourse’ activities that could
boost your sexual enjoyment much more than before. Here are a few ideas…

————————
1) TOUCHING :
————————
Many men don’t realize this, but without gentle, whole-body caresses
it’s difficult for a woman to be sexually aroused, produce vaginal
lubrication and experience orgasm. Also, menopause is a time when
many older women miss not just sex but touching, closeness, gentleness
and the excitement of romance. Women love it when a man knows how to
touch her all over. Here’s an earlier newsletter on how to touch a woman.
www.betterloverseminar.com/newsletters/how-to-touch-a-woman.php

————————
2) KISSING, LICKING, NIBBLING :
————————
You could kiss, lick, nibble every part of her body…lick her ears,
nibble her ear-lobes, lick her breasts, chew up her buttocks, lick
her inner thighs, suck her toes (sloooowly, one by one, all ten of them),
cover her forehead with kisses, lick her eyelids, cover her whole
back with soft kisses alternating with licks, lick her continuously
from the waist to her armpits, nibble the back of her neck, any part
of a woman’s body will welcome your lips.

————————
3) FINGER SEX :
————————
And I don’t mean you cram your fingers up her crotch.
If your fingertips can gently tease and dance on her vulva, her
inner thighs, her mons pubis, her perineum…she’ll love it. Using
lots of lubricant during finger sex is always a good idea, but it’s
even more so in your case because menopausal women have thinner vaginal
walls that are susceptible to irritation. KY-jelly is an excellent
lubricant available at your neighbourhood chemist. She could  also
erotically massage your genitals and eventually masturbate you.

————————
4) ORAL SEX :
————————
She could perform oral sex on you. Many men enjoy it
MORE than intercourse. And you could perform it on her. The easiest
way for a woman to orgasm is through oral sex. Especially at this
stage of her life, as she goes through uncomfortable physical and
emotional changes, oral sex is a wonderful way to let her know that
she is still sexually desirable to you. Here’s an earlier newsletter
on how to perform oral sex www.betterloverseminar.com/newsletters/oralsex.php

Me and my girl friend do sex very often almost daily… before 2 weeks
time I hurt my testicle with a cricket ball. Now I can feel slight
pain when I ejaculate during intercourse and also when I drive
my two wheeler for a long distance…also my sperms have lost their
viscosity … we are going to get married in short time …. I’m worried a
lot about our sexual life .. pls get me a solution
MP, Male, 23 years, from Coimbatore, India
 
>>>MY COMMENTS:

Please see your family doctor and speak to him frankly about your
concerns. If he thinks it necessary, he may refer you to a urologist
for further examination.