Concentrated Evil

The Blog of Christmas Future

2009-07-08T16:07:00.003-06:00

I wonder about the future of blogs. I certainly haven't kept up with mine for a while. Instead, I've taken the easy way out (or the "lazy way out," if you prefer) and have mostly stuck with Twittering. I think that's partly because most of my thoughts don't need to be expounded upon in a blog -- which, to my mind means "long format." Similar discussion can be found on episodes of Diggnation wherein Kevin Rose talks about forwarding his website to his Twitter account. That would be far too limiting for me, but still I think he has a point about blogs not necessarily being all that relevant anymore.

So what do I need a blog for? Well, to get across ideas that are greater than 140 characters can contain for one. I've got several ideas rolling around currently and even more that have been collecting dust in untold corners. So why don't I act on them? Well, first of all, the site is ugly as sin. An excuse, to be sure, since content is ostensibly "king," but it doesn't exactly make me want to come and visit and let loose with the brain dumping. Another reason would be because as I currently type this, my antiquated apparatus struggles to keep up with my keystrokes as I wait for them to finally render. (Hopefully, in late October I'll be able to rectify this with an Intel Core i7 machine running Windows 7, but until then...)

In short, I've become lazy and impatient. Twitter gives a sort of instant feedback and feels less closed-off than the walls of my blogging castle. I would like to try new things with my blog, however. For example, I thought about extolling the virtues of retro gaming, although everything that Jeremy Parish does puts me to shame. Maybe I'm just waiting for inspiration or maybe I'm looking for a more unique way in which to put on this shindig, but currently I'm not sure of what to say exactly.

So what is it? "Death to blogs" or "Long live blogs?"

Consumer Whore

2009-06-19T20:29:00.005-06:00

Today I was feeling nostalgic (which is not uncommon in my daily activities) and I decided to see how much Final Fantasy VI was for the GBA on Amazon. Needless to say, I was shocked to see that they wanted $80-some dollars for a brand new copy. That horrendous issue aside, it got me thinking: How many times over do I own certain games? I decided to take inventory by listing how many copies of a game I have and then I would ask myself: Was it worth buying again? Will I buy it again in the future? (The same thing could be done for Blu-rays and DVDs, but I don't own many movies)

Banjo-Kazooie: 2 (N64, XBLA)

Worth it? Yes. Better graphics, achievements, better controller, etc.

Will I buy it again? No. The XBLA version is definitive

Chrono Trigger: 2 (SNES, DS)

Worth it? Yes. More content, an updated translation, and the battery is dead on my SNES version

Will I buy it again? It is my favorite game... Although the DS version is pretty much definitive, it might be nice to play it on a bigger screen

Fallout: 2 (PC)

Worth it? Yes. It came for free with Fallout 2.

Will I buy it again? Probably -- there's a great deal on Good Old Games

Final Fantasy VI: 2 (SNES, PS1)

Worth it? Not really, Final Fantasy Anthology (PS1) has issues (although I got it for Final Fantasy V)

Will I buy it again? Yes (at a reasonable price). I want to experience the gussied up translation and I would also be interested in a DS remake a la Final Fantasy III

Final Fantasy VII: 2 (PC, PS1)

Worth it? Yes, because I didn't know the PC version wasn't as good (bugs and sound emulation)

Will I buy it again? Yes, if it's completely remade

Grand Theft Auto - Vice City: 2 (PS2, PC)

Worth it? Yes, the PC version looks better and there's a ton of fun to be had with cheat programs

Will I buy it again? Yes, if it's remade

Grand Theft Auto - San Andreas: 2 (PS2, PC)

Worth it? Yes, see Vice City

Will I buy it again? Yes, if it's remade

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: 2 (N64, GC)

Worth it? Yes, my GameCube came with a compilation of four Zelda games including the two NES ones and Majora's Mask

Will I buy it again? If it's remade, because it's unplayable now (graphics, controls)

The Orange Box: 2 (360, PC)
Worth it? Yes, there was a $10 sale on Steam and I got it for the day when I have a good gaming PC

Will I buy it again? No

There might be a couple I've missed, but I do need to eventually start the process of procuring all of my NES and SNES games again. Back in the day, I sold all of my NES games to afford Mortal Kombat II on the SNES and I'm pretty sure most of my SNES games have dead batteries anyway. The thing is, I wouldn't want to buy Super Mario Bros. 3 for the Virtual Console since the GBA version is vastly superior. If Nintendo at least put out the Super Mario All-Stars version, then I'd consider it, but the regular old NES version? No thanks.

Then of course there are the dozens of games that I'd like to see flat out remade. For instance, Metal Gear Solid 1, 2, and 3 redone with the Metal Gear Solid 4 engine? Instant buy. HD remakes of Mega Man 2 and 3? Instant buy. Add to that the list of games I wish I would have bought back in the day like Paper Mario, Super Metroid, and Super Mario RPG that I don't necessarily need remade -- although widescreen support and achievements would be appreciated.

So how many times can someone buy a game? Falcom has a terrible habit of remaking Ys 1 & 2 every two months and Square-Enix has milked Final Fantasy I & II many times. Then you have compilations like the various Sonic the Hedgehog and Genesis collections that create a redundant array in your library. You also have to ask if remakes or updates are worth it. Metal Gear Solid was remade as Twin Snakes for the GameCube, but unfortunately with Matrix-ized cutscenes, whereas every time Nintendo has remade Super Mario Bros. 3, it's been worthwhile. How much is too much is obvious, but in this digital age, having your library in a couple of convenient places is worth it.

What's the deal with...

2009-06-10T14:35:00.005-06:00

Remember that YouTube video from forever ago that exposed the apparent terribleness of the PlayStation 3's backwards compatibility? You know, this one?

A lot of people speculated that this would be fixed with firmware updates, right? Then why is it that playing PS2 games still looks like crap on my PS3? Well, I figured out a simple fix for this.

In the PS3's display settings, make it so that only 480p is selected for available video output when you're going to play a PS2 game. This is annoying to have to keep going back and reversing it to utilize any other applications, but so far it's the only thing I've found that works. The color might still be a bit desaturated, but it definitely helps with the jaggies. And as for playing the handful of PS2 games with widescreen support, I merely have to make my TV display "Full" instead of "Normal." (This doesn't crop the image or stretch it.)

I was this close to going out and buying a component cable figuring that it was somehow my HDMI cable that the PS3 hates when playing PS2 games, but the above method works fine. However, down the line I still might buy the component cable since it works with both PS2 and PS3s and this would be handy since there are still a couple of things I need my PS2 for (namely for utilizing my old savegames since apparently the Memory Card Adapter is out of production).

I'm very disappointed in Sony for not having fixed this yet. You would figure that they'd still be touting backwards compatibility with two tremendously successful consoles, but of course we all know that they don't really care anymore since PS2 backwards compatibility has been absent in PS3s for quite some time, and according to NPDs, the $100 slim PS2 is still selling quite well. It's a shame that I spent $500 on a modern console to find that it makes games that already looked terrible even worse purely out of apathy and laziness on Sony's part.

And while we're on the point, it's not just "hardcore gamers" that are upset that current production PS3s don't have PS2 backwards compatibility -- there are numerous people I know who have outright told me that they don't want a PS3 because it won't play PS2 games (anecdotal evidence, yes, but I do hear it a lot from people that aren't tech savvy). Coupled with the still sky high price, Sony sure does have a winner on it's hands don't they?

To be fair, I do think that 2009 will be the year of the PS3. If you've already got one or you don't care about backwards compatibility, titles like Uncharted 2, the new Ratchet and Clank, Infamous, and Heavy Rain along with multi-platform games like BioShock 2 and Brutal Legend are sure to make the system worthwhile in terms of software -- and it's about damn time!

In Our Talons

2009-06-09T21:21:00.004-06:00

Does everyone know about Bon Iver? Beautiful, heartbreaking stuff. The album For Emma, Forever Ago came out in 2007, but I just found this great rendition of the song "For Emma" on YouTube.

Listening to "Skinny Love" and "Blood Bank" are pretty much staples in my "trying to go to sleep" playlist when I listen to my iPod before bed. Other artists in that "genre" include Red House Painters, Sun Kil Moon, Sufjan Stevens, and José González. If you don't know 'em, get yourself educated. If you'd like to cry yourself to sleep, it doesn't hurt to start with Sufjan Steven's "Casimir Pulaski Day."

Annoying subterfuge

2009-06-04T10:50:00.003-06:00

You know what I hate? When franchises produce something with the same name over and over again even though the product is different. What do I mean? For instance, the new Star Trek movie is entitled simply "Star Trek." However, the franchise as a whole is also "Star Trek" and the original TV series was also just "Star Trek." Can you start to see where the confusion would start? Now imagine me as a (former) retail worker who is asked by a customer to look up Star Trek. What the fuck am I looking for? The same goes for Hannah Montana or Scooby-Doo that have a hundred billion entrees in the system, but that's another matter...

The idea came up this morning when I was reading Twitter and saw news of a new Aliens vs. Predator game. The problem? You guessed it: It's just called "Aliens vs. Predator." I grew up already knowing three different games using that name. There was the beat 'em up on the SNES that I enjoyed somewhat, the excellent-for-the-time FPS on the PC, and then that ugly thing on the Atari Jaguar that I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole (which probably has more to do with the system than the game).

Oh, but wait! According to Wikipedia, there were even more! There was an arcade game from Capcom, two games for the mobile phone released in 2004 with no differentiating subtitles, a canceled Atari Lynx game, and a canceled GBA game. And now this upcoming title for the PC, PS3, and Xbox 360. Wonderful! No confusion there at all!

So I ask these content creators: What's so freaking bad about a subtitle or a number?

E3 Report Card: Sony

2009-06-02T12:58:00.002-06:00

When the Sony press conference started, I felt like I should go back to bed. After being bored by Iwata's presentation on the Vitality doohickey (that was clearly stolen from the finger of an elderly person who just died), I was about ready to fall asleep and the first 45 minutes or so of the Sony conference didn't help that feeling. The PSP GO? I really don't care. It's good to know that it has software coming out for it, but I don't want another mobile device. I've got my iPod touch and my Nintendo DS Lite and that's enough. Thanks for trying though.

Sony's conference didn't start to become interesting until they finally moved on to the PlayStation 3. While I think that Sony probably has the best lineup for this year in terms of exclusives (and it's about time), I was wanting to see what they had for next year. Overall, I think that Sony has titles that don't necessarily appeal to me (I'm not a fan of Gran Turismo or God of War), but they do have cache with a different section of gamers who will enjoy those. So what did Sony have for me? Final Fantasy XIII in English, that's what! But other than that? Not too much. I was giddy when Final Fantasy XIV was announced (eat it Microsoft), but then it turned out to be an MMO so pretty much all hope faded (I'm sure 1Up's James Mielke is ecstatic though).

Plus:

Final Fantasy XIII in English with tons of new footage
Final Fantasy XIV announced as an exclusive
The Last Guardian
Assassin's Creed 2
God of War III
PSP actually has more software coming out than the DS
Their motion control technology demo provided some interesting ideas
Queen's "One Vision" as a show closer

Minus:

Final Fantasy XIV is an MMO
Gran Turismo 5 is still just a tease
Gran Turismo PSP was possibly more boring than Iwata
MAG looks like a game whose only purpose is to have 256 players
Conference needed tightening up
Sony still thinks Home is a good idea
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker is for the PSP, not PS3
Instead of making the PSP more affordable, it seems to be getting more expensive
I STILL DON'T WANT A PSP! How many times do I have to say it?
Sony's motion controller looks less practical and more like a tech demo than Microsoft's Natal
No slim model PS3
No PS3 price cut

Overall Grade:
B

Sony had a tough road ahead of them after Microsoft's conference yesterday, but overall I think they did fine. They didn't come anywhere close to blowing me away like Microsoft did, but they still have software worth paying attention to. An actual trailer for the new Ratchet & Clank would have helped and so would a price cut, but all-in-all, this wasn't a bad showing for them. It just needed more pep and a faster pace along with a couple more exciting titles.

E3 Report Card: Nintendo

2009-06-02T11:55:00.009-06:00

I got up early(ish) for this? Nintendo, Nintendo, Nintendo... When will you learn that an E3 press conference shouldn't be a PowerPoint presentation that brags about how much hardware you've sold? Okay, so you did a little better this year by actually showing games that I want to play. It could have been worse. An Animal Crossing game featuring Bratz dolls doesn't seem unlikely at this point to me, so thanks for not sucking that much.

So what did you have for me Nintendo? Multiplayer co-op New Super Mario Bros. Wii? Okay. New Super Mario Bros. for the DS was pretty bland though. Some more Final Fantasy gaiden-type games? Alright, although those hardly ever set my heart alight. Okay, now how about you bore me for the next 20 minutes? You do that quite well, don't you? Zzzz... Huh? What's that? Super Mario Galaxy 2? Cool, finally we get to the good stuff! Okay, back to third party stuff I don't want... Oh, Metroid Other M? Nice! Oh, wait. It's from Team Ninja and it has talking in it? Did you ever play the atrocious Ninja Gaidens Nintendo? Team Ninja can't do story. All they do is crazy action with bad cameras and breast physics. I hope you know what you're doing Nintendo... It looks really fun though. Let's hope that turns out well. And fade to black.

Plus:

Super Mario Galaxy 2
New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Metroid Other M

Minus:

Metroid Other M being done by Team Ninja is worrisome
New Super Mario Bros. Wii might be as mild as the DS game
Boring third party software (as usual)
No exciting DS software (Mario & Luigi 3 and Golden Sun DS look just "okay")
Iwata talking about the Vitality Sensor
Pie charts, numbers, blah, blah
Nintendo thinks selling lots of hardware equates to having games to play on it

Overall grade:
C

Lots of "meh" from Nintendo this year, but if you listen to closely, the "mehs" are 20% more enthusiastic than last year's were. I didn't expect anything from Nintendo, because frankly they don't try anymore. On the flipside, now I can say that the Wii has a whole two more titles that I'd like to play on it. That's up from what, five? Six? Nintendo makes being cynical too easy, but thanks for trying with Mario Galaxy 2 and the new Metroid. A new console Zelda or a new IP would have been nice to go alongside them though...

E3 Report Card: Microsoft

2009-06-02T11:21:00.007-06:00

Okay, I'm going to try and summarize the three big press conferences at E3 2009 and see how that goes. So let's start chronologically with Microsoft.

I may as well put on my money hat now, because Microsoft blew me away this year by making E3 big and bombastic again. Nary a pie chart was in sight, instead we got what mattered: games and a better user experience. Microsoft seems to be the only one that understands the importance of having an online experience and their announcements of Web 2.0 integration with Facebook, Twitter, and last.fm put them miles above everyone else who thinks that text chat is enough.

On the games side, I actually got to see software that I wanted. The original Crackdown was one of the funnest games I've played this generation and I was bouncing in my seat when I saw that it was getting a well deserved sequel. Every announcement provided me of more of what I wanted. And although it's not related, hearing the Twitters of a Monkey Island remake on top of Microsoft's conference made me feel like Christmas was coming with a vengeance. Even though it's pretty much all sequels, it doesn't feel like the software for this generation is ratcheting down at all.

Plus:

Shadow Complex (Metroidvania for the 360)
Left 4 Dead 2
Crackdown 2
Metal Gear Solid: Rising
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Alan Wake (now with release date of spring 2010)
Two Halo titles (for those who care)
Splinter Cell: Conviction
Final Fantasy XIII (coming out for the 360 spring 2010)
Project Natal is amusing future tech
Rock Band: The Beatles featuring full downloadable albums starting with Abbey Road
Big guest stars: Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Dhani Harrison, Steven Spielberg
Integration with social networking, better Netflix, better user experience
Games on Demand coming
The presentation had momentum with little downtime

Minus:

Natal could be the new "Virtual Reality helmet"
Software lineup is sequel heavy
I want the updated dashboard now

Overall grade:
A+

Microsoft put on one of the most exciting E3 shows I can think of beating out Nintendo's unveil of the DS and Twilight Princess and Microsoft's own unveiling of the Xbox 360. They put on a show that could please everybody and packed it with actual surprises. Good show, Microsoft!

Of Up and Coming Monarchs

2009-05-18T22:27:00.004-06:00

I've really come to like Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Until season 4 that is. Maybe it's the move from high school to college, maybe it's because the characters have changed a bit too much (Giles doesn't feel like Giles anymore, Buffy needs to stop being jerked around in the world of romance, and Xander has been playing a smaller and less charming roll), but the world of Buffy just doesn't feel the same. There have been some good episodes like "Hush," which was a largely silent episode that reminded me a lot of Dark City [check that out and Equilibrium if you're a fan of the Matrix]. But overall season 4 is pretty "meh." I hope things pick up again because I was really getting into the show. I was able to relate the the characters and have empathy for them, but I'm not giving up on it just yet. I gave up on Six Feet Under during season 3, but I think I need to see Buffy to the end.

In the world of videogames, the Broken Steel DLC for Fallout 3 was quite excellent. I had a wonderful time going back to the Capitol Wasteland and falling in love with the game again by remembering why it was so great. That said, a level cap of 30 may be "right" for the content that's offered, but I think you can still reach that pretty quickly. However, there aren't enough useful new perks to make level 30 seem as exciting as it once did. My careful planning for the first 20 levels of my character is almost irrelevant since you can now acquire all the useful perks quite easily with the extra padding that 10 more levels provides you.

Moving on from Xbox 360 back to -- PlayStation 2? Yes, I recently bought Final Fantasy X-2 and Final Fantasy XII since I seem to be experiencing a bit of Final Fantasy XIII fever. I gave X-2 to a friend to borrow while I went back to Ivalice for XII. I must say, the story is quite excellently told. After dealing with the dearth of such in Blue Dragon, I can really appreciate XII's political intrigue this time around (which is not to say that I didn't like it the first time). Still, Vaan and Penelo are useless characters, but Balthier and Basch make up for it. Too bad Vossler, Reks, and Rasler weren't playable characters since their character designs and personalities are one hundred times better than that of Vaan's or Penelo's.

I've also been powergaming XII a bit. Apparently, within the first hour of the game you're able to find a rare enemy that will quickly raise you to about level 30 or more within a couple hours of grinding and Phoenix Down buying. This is where some of XII's MMO elements kind of bug me though. Having to reload a game because there's a 10% chance of a treasure chest showing up and then a 10% chance of that chest containing the item that you want is not a fun experience, yet here I am doing such. Maybe I'm just trying to make XII last since I know the story arc is pretty short (my main problem with it).

This brings me to my hopes for XIII. First off, I like a lot of the faux-MMO elements that XII brought, but some of them like the rare chance of items and monsters showing up are stupid concepts for a singleplayer game. I want to experience all the content that I can -- I shouldn't be shut off from it for some arbitrary reason. I'm not competing against other players around the world, so why shouldn't I have all the best and shiniest equipment?

Another thing, if XIII has anything like the Zodiac Spear going on, I'm going to be absolutely pissed. The Zodiac Spear for those who don't know was one of the biggest "fuck yous" to videogame fans in recent memory. You see, throughout Final Fantasy XII there were specific treasure chests that you weren't allowed to open if you wanted to obtain the most powerful weapon in the game (the Zodiac Spear). Does the game warn you about this in any way? No. The only way you'll find out is if you spent any time trolling message boards to find outrage from players who spent hours on the game already to find that it was all wasted because of some arbitrary bullshit perpetrated by Square Enix.

That said, I've a few more dos and dont's for XIII. First, XII had reversed X and Y-axis camera controls that were not changeable. This cannot be tolerated from a modern game! Reversed Y-axis controls I can deal with in a third person game, but X-axis? It just doesn't make sense. When I hold right on the right analog stick, the camera should move to the right where I want to look, not to the left. Additionally, like the MMO complaint, there should not be any missable items or anything that will prevent you from obtaining quests or anything like that. I don't want to read a walkthrough just to find out that if I don't do something that I'm screwed for no good reason (Apparently I sold an item that will shut me off from a few quests -- if it was important, why wasn't it made into a non-sellable key item?). Furthermore, XII's guild charter provided a decent log for keeping track of some sidequests, but I would like to see that fleshed out in XIII. If I come back to the game after a while of not playing, I want to know what the hell I should be doing.

One more thing: if there are any enhancements to the "international" or Xbox 360 versions of XIII, they should be made DLC for all platforms. Ever since Final Fantasy VII, Square Enix has added some nifty or interesting features to the games when Square re-released the games in Japan or elsewhere. Sometimes they just contained changes that where made for the American version, but sometimes (as in the case of XII) entirely new content and features were added. In this modern age in which we live, Square has absolutely no excuse for not making these sorts of things DLC. I don't care if it's a few bucks more, everyone everywhere should have the best version of the game possible.

Well, I think that's all I've got in me for tonight. Until next time children...

Woe to you oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows the time is short

2009-05-04T16:23:00.006-06:00

So it's become true... Last month I twittered more than I blogged. I should be ashamed. Blah, blah, blah. It comes down to this: I've got two more weeks of school and I've started looking for another job. It's not like I don't have any free time to write, however. I've been watching season 3 of the Venture Brothers on Blu-ray (which is fucking amazing) and now I've started rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Along the way I also picked up Blue Dragon for the Xbox 360 for $10 (which is what it's worth) and I'm looking forward to tomorrow when Fallout 3: Broken Steel comes out (can play past the end, level cap 30). Adding life to my favorite game of last year? Yes please!

To recap: Twitter isn't as bad as I made it out to be. I look at it more like a "personal RSS" in which people who I'm interested in give me the scoop on their projects in a more personable way. It's still a bit creepy, but it's also a little fun. As to why I tweet? Fuck if I know. My only followers are apparently spammers. Or maybe it's just a way of posting to my Friendfeed... Yeah, that's the ticket!

Venture Brothers season 3 on Blu-ray. Buy it or Netflix it. It's superb, sublime, sensational, etc. Be warned though: cartoon penises. Just FYI.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yeah, so what? ... Okay, it can be cheesy and hokey, but it's growing on me more and more. I'm also feeling quite a bit of empathy for Xander when he lets his guard down. I still dislike Angel and Cordelia and I'm still not going to watch the Angel spin-off, but in any case, I'm man enough to admit that I'm watching Buffy. You can blame Twitter and Jeff Green if you want, but I'm not especially ashamed.

To sum things up, I guess you could say that I'm still lazy and inconsistent about writing and pretty much everything else. Would someone hire me already?

Gaming "fail"

2009-04-10T12:42:00.006-06:00

I am at my wit's end with Temple of Elemental Evil. I knew that it was "unfinished" and had "problems," but this is just fucking maddening! Even with a fan patch installed, it's still utterly broken and bug-filled. I tried launching the game today to find that AVG had deleted the game .exe in the middle of the night because I had to crack it since the DRM that protected the game was broken and would say that there was no CD inserted in my machine even though there was. (Thanks AVG! False positive taken care of!) After re-downloading the crack, I find that when I load up the game, none of my saves work! ... Seriously? Screw this.

I have no wish to waste more of my time on this game. I really want it to work, because what I played (and when it worked), it was pretty good. I'd rank it above Neverwinter Nights, but below the Infinity Engine fair (Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale, Planescape: Torment). It wasn't especially user-friendly for someone who hadn't played a D&D-based game before and the interface could use some work since many of the descriptions are fairly ambiguous and useless, but the combat was pretty good and the game was easy on the eyes, lacking the dearth of darkness and fog that plagued Neverwinter Nights.

Troika has been dealt many a bum hand over the years and their games are infamous for being unfinished, but this is just unforgivable. Whosoever is responsible (I'm guessing Atari forced a ship date on them or didn't fund any QA?), you should be ashamed. This could have been a game that people enjoyed and had a great deal of fun with, but here it is bug-ridden and incomplete. Some would say that a game is "never finished," but that doesn't mean you should ship it as an unplayable mess.

You know what I'm going to do now though? I'm going to play Arcanum. At least I don't remember that game ever giving me much trouble (it's another Troika game for those who don't know). Am I mad? Perhaps, but I really just want to play an isometric RPG. Preferably it would have been based on D&D, but Arcanum's setting is interesting enough that I don't mind one bit. Plus, like I said, I remember it actually working the last time I played it.

The worst day of the year

2009-04-01T11:04:00.003-06:00

I hate April Fool's Day. I really do. It makes me not want to go visit digg or have much to do with the internet in general. Maybe I should be thankful that it's the one day that I'm not held in its grasp, but really I'm just angry or bored because I can't trust anything I read or see (Yeah, I'm somewhat gullible). At least there's this website to inform you of the current list of April Fool's Day jokes on the web.

Pet peeves of bad web design

2009-03-31T21:33:00.005-06:00

We're not in 1998 anymore. Sorry. Things are better now in the future. We don't need to have websites that show you a top 10 list one page at a time anymore. Please, stop doing it. I'm more likely to get fed up and leave your lame site than to keep clicking and reading. Make it all one page!

Time Magazine gets a special "FUCK YOU" for not giving a list of items in a top 10 and making you go through every fucking page just to find out what they think the greatest graphic novel of all time is.

Ironically, Web Pages That Suck seems to kind of suck itself. (Mostly for ugly design.)

Photo slideshows need to die too. Especially the ones that automatically start. I hate loading a slideshow in a tab for later only to come to it and find that it's already on page 10 or something. Splash pages and auto-playing music need to go to (along with the whole of MySpace), but I guess I should just be thankful that I don't see websites with frames or "IE compatible" badges or magical mouse trails anymore.

Do you have any pet peeves of bad web design that are still lurking around? Please feel free to post in the comments section. (Note: I recognize the fact that my website is just plain hideous)

Edit: Ryan Block and Veronica Belmont's the Vintage Web also showcases websites that are stuck in the days of Internet Explorer 5.

All things need a home

2009-03-28T13:21:00.004-06:00

One day, a game designer was playing Tetris and said, "What if I was playing this type of game, but at the same time had a huge erection?" Bubble Bath Babes was born.

I just found out that former EGM writer Seanbaby will be contributing to Cracked. Does this mean that the internet will now get over it's deficiency of Jean-Claude Van Damme references and Phil Collins with dicks in his mouth jokes? Joy!

His first article is on the 10 Most Perverted Old School Videogames.

[Edit: Apparently the Cracked article is a censored version of the article from his website.]

Forthwith and without explanation

2009-03-28T12:59:00.006-06:00

I like this scathingly delightful Windows ad in which "Lauren" cunningly disses Apple for being pricey and elitist.

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:0bb6a07c-c829-4562-8375-49e6693810c7&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;showPlaylist=true&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;from=shared" target="_new" title="Laptop Hunters $1000 – Lauren Gets an HP Pavilion"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Video: Laptop Hunters $1000 – Lauren Gets an HP Pavilion&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

I mean, it's true. The Apple tax is a real thing. There's a sense of entitlement when I whip out my iPod touch in public, but it really is about $100 - 150 overpriced. If I had a MacBook, I imagine that feeling of "betterness" would only be stronger. And yes, this is really just thinly veiled jealousy. I'd love to have a MacBook provided that all models finally featured the anti-glare screen. I hate the shiny, glossy screen that Apple has on there now.

Also of interest: leaked Uncharted 2 gameplay footage!

SLATER!

2009-03-25T20:29:00.006-06:00

Saved by the Bell meets Raining Blood and South of Heaven. Nice.

Oh, and the Where the Wild Things Are trailer has landed. With music by Arcade Fire.

Um... I should probably start writing my Rhetoric paper now...

I Love You, Batman

2009-03-24T17:10:00.011-06:00

I just got done reading Frank Miller and Jim Lee's All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder issues one through nine. On one hand, I want to say that Frank Miller has no business touching Batman again, but then I remember the good times with Year One and the Dark Knight Returns... But then there was the bad with the Dark Knight Strikes Back (which I'd say is easily the worst comic I have ever read). So what's so bad about All Star Batman? Well, it's not necessarily bad, it's just that Frank Miller writes everyone as the biggest bunch of assholes to ever have employed word balloons. This is not canonical Batman. In All Star Batman, Batman is a sadistic jerk who basically abuses Robin both mentally and physically. It's rather grotesque. And the Joker? He was in an issue, but instead of being either a gleeful funster or a lovable psycho, he's just a straight up rip-off of the main villain from the movie Red Dragon, tattoo and all.

My issues with the story and characterization aside (although it was funny for a while to see Batman paint himself yellow when dealing with the Green Lantern), the art by Jim Lee is characteristically astounding. Jim Lee may just draw my favorite version of Batman ever in All Star Batman. Although I haven't read Hush in a while, All Star Batman somehow seems like it's more consistent. I almost feel guilty for saying that I like Jim Lee's art and that that's somehow gauche (like liking Todd McFarlane), but the fact is that it is stunning work. On that point, I have no contention with All Star Batman.

That aside, I think I'd like to recapitulate an idea I heard a while ago that will make your life as a geek far more sane and friendly. The idea is simple: Make your own canon. You needn't be concerned with what DC considers official canon and how this and that work together to get x, y, and z. You, as the surveyor of all of this content, are responsible for stitching together your own canon to find something that suits you and how you see these various universes. Let's use Star Wars as an example since everyone seems to have an opinion on that.

Episodes IV, V, and VI are the original trilogy. Most geeks would sustain the idea that Episodes I, II, and III were absolute horseshit. I am of this school of thought as well, but I take it one step further. In my Star Wars universe, the only thing that matters are the first three movies in their original forms. All of the novels that Kevin J. Anderson or whoever penned and all of this bullshit Battle for Endor stuff doesn't exist in my Star Wars universe and I'm happier for it. Sure, I can enjoy Knights of the Old Republic a great deal, and it does feel like Star Wars to me, but ultimately in the grand scheme of things, it's only the original trilogy that counts.

Now let's get back to Batman. To me, the real origin stories and mannerisms of many of Batman's Rogues Gallery and the like come from Bruce Timm's Batman the Animated Series. It's not just because I watched that as a kid, it's because I think that the Animated Series artfully tells the stories of many aspects of the Batman universe in a cogent and masterful way. What the Animated Series did with Mr. Freeze is irreversible -- they actually made him a good Batman villain, and one you care about to no less! Bruce Timm's fantastic art is also how I visualize many of Batman's nemesi. And let's not forget that it's the Animated Series that brought us Harley Quinn...

So in my own personal Batman universe, Kevin Conroy is the true voice of the bat and Bruce Wayne. To me, Mark Hamil's cackles as the Joker are nothing less than perfect. It's not to say that I don't accept other Batman universes or that I can't live with them simultaneously. I love what Christopher Nolan has done with Batman. From the bottom of my geeky little heart, I really do. The Dark Knight just gets better and better every time I see it. And Heath Ledger's joker? Brilliant. Jack Nicholson's? Also brilliant. They're two extreme takes on a delightful character, but when I personally imagine Batman and his escapades, it's the Animated Series that usually prevails.

So when I read All Star Batman, I don't necessarily get too angry. It's just another version of Batman. I may not agree with Frank Miller's sick little joke, but I can easily put it aside. It's not for me. Maybe in Frank Miller's own personal Batman canon, Batman is a psychotic dick that will happily hit kids and thinks that everyone that's not him is a gigantic idiot. Or maybe I'm just not old enough to be that bitter yet...

I think it's because they "Don't give a shit"

2009-03-19T21:30:00.006-06:00

That must be the Apple corporate motto when considering iTunes for Windows. This great big bastard of an application is the most sluggish, ill-conceived piece of software I currently have installed on my machine. After updating to 8.1, I'm frustrated as hell again -- and it's over the tiniest little thing! Looking back, 8.1 is only a tenth of the travesty that 7.0 was. Now 7.0, that was a real mess and Apple should still be ashamed of it. All that pisses me off about iTunes 8.1 is that there's a bug so that it doesn't remember whether you like to have the timer countdown to how much time there is left in the song or how long the song is in total. I told you it was minuscule, but it's the fact that Apple can't even get that little thing right that pisses me off so much.

Doesn't anyone test the Windows version? Considering the fact that more people use Windows machines (although Macs have really shot up since they moved away from PowerPC), I'm guessing that most people use iTunes and the iTunes Store on a Windows machine. But as long as Apple gets paid, I'm sure they don't care. iTunes is bloated and slow and needs a complete re-working from the ground up. A good start would be getting rid of QuickTime which comes coupled with it. I understand that iTunes uses QuickTime's assets or whatever, but that's just an asinine way to try and force Windows users to use another piece of software that performs poorly in Windows (And who needs it with Media Player Classic or VLC?).

I'm mad as hell, but I have no choice but to take it since I'm tied down to the software because of my iPod touch. It's not that other software is much better. The last time I used Windows Media Player was an even bigger nightmare than this. Now the old version of WinAmp, there's a program that was spry and trustworthy. A music player shouldn't be so complicated and bloated! Really iTunes is just a few steps away from being classified as "crapware." (You know the terrible programs that come pre-loaded on a lot of OEM machines like Adobe Reader or McAfee Internet Security or Roxio Music whatever or HP such-and-such?)

Get your shit together Apple. For all this bragging about making your applications lighter and smaller in the upcoming Snow Leopard version of OSX, I'm betting iTunes will still be the same hulking brute drowning in molasses.

/rant

They're tone-deaf, evil fiends!

2009-03-16T17:26:00.007-06:00

A bit of a forewarning: The following post is a bunch of "shop talk" regarding Chrono Trigger. If you don't talk shop, it's likely to be uninteresting.

My favorite games of all time used to be condensed into a simple three item list including Final Fantasy VII, EarthBound, and Chrono Trigger. However, recently trying to replay Final Fantasy VII on my PS3 led me to reconsider it's place on the list. My memories of that game are nothing less than pure wonder, but the graphics and the script need desperate touch-ups and outright reconstruction from the ground up. I still love the Materia system, but early 3D games such as this are becoming increasingly difficult to play for me (It's not just how they look either, it's the actual manipulation of the environment that's difficult to stomach as well). But that's beside the point. I'm here to talk about the re-release of another one of my favorites and that's Chrono Trigger on the Nintendo DS.

There are no amount of superlatives that I could throw at Chrono Trigger that I would find satisfying in expressing my feelings for the game. The DS version proves this. The graphics are still fantastic two-dimensional representations of Akira Toriyama, the soundtrack still sublime and exemplary of Yasunori Mitsuda, and the story is fun and brisk allowing your imagination to fill in the gaps (something current RPGs could take a lesson from). I don't know how to preach to the unconverted, so instead I'll talk about what's new to the DS version.

First, the script is given an upgrade. It's largely the same, however in some areas there's added clarity and the heavy-handed efforts of NOA to "sissify" the game are now pretty much removed. You no longer down gallons of "soup" with Ayla in 65,000,000 BC. Instead you're drinking "skull smash" because after a night of partying, it feels like your skull has been smashed in. The script feels a little more formal all-around, but I don't I think there's anything to complain about at all. It doesn't seem to be as big of a change as the Final Fantasy VI script for the GameBoy Advance underwent, but it's still a good re-working.

Second, there is new equipment that can be obtained in three new areas. The first new area is a monster arena that's not really worth discussing or investing in. It requires too much babysitting in order to cultivate a monster that's capable of a lot and it's not exactly enthralling to watch your monster attack another one when you're not able to control it. The other new area is the Lost Sanctum which is a Reptite lair in Prehistoric and Medieval times. There's some valuable equipment to be gained here (such as the Elemental Aegis which grants Lucca elemental immunity or the Dragon's Tear which increases the chance of a critical hit), but it's really a series time consuming sidequests because the Sanctum requires a lot of backtracking. And finally, there are the Dimensional Vortices that appear in Antiquity, the Present, and the Future. Each one of these supports a new area (one of which features the previously unused track "The Singing Mountain") and new enemies and some really excellent gear (Angel's Tiara gives Auto-Haste and status immunity!). All of this leads to a new final boss and a new ending which (un)fortunately gives credence to Chrono Cross' plot.

In the SNES version of Chrono Trigger (which I'm now afraid to boot up for fear of finding that my save battery has died), I found that the most effective party was Chrono (for Luminaire), Marle and Ayla (for Iceberg Toss and Charm). Now with new equipment however, I've found a slightly tweaked party that deals out damage in spades. Giving Ayla a Dragon's Tear or Valor Crest (increased chance of criticals, counter rate of 50%) for when she has Bronze Fist makes her deal out 9,999 damage far more frequently. She's a certified beast now. Then who departs from my original three? That'd be Marle. Unfortunately, her Venus Bow (which guarantees 777 damage) just doesn't save her. Final Kick is still quite excellent and overall she's still very useful, but I'm afraid I've found someone else... Instead, I've got Robo in the mix. I never found him to be very good in the original game. Along with Lucca, he was my least used character. Now, with Apocalypse Arm (which deals 9,999 damage on critical) and a Dragon's Tear, you've got another beast. Plus he has Heal Beam, which increases in effectiveness when you give him some Magic Tabs and solves the problem of not having a Single Tech multi-party heal. With the new equipment though, you'll likely not be needing it. In fact, even the new final boss wasn't a challenge because of this. You're welcome to go ahead and not use these tactics or try a low level game though.

One thing I'm kind of glad that they've addressed in the Lost Sanctum is that you can no longer just spam Crono's Luminaire with a Gold Stud anymore since most of the enemies there absorb Light damage. In that case, I've got Magus stepping in for him. Dark Mist is enough to take care of most of the threats you'll face there. His new Dreamreaper scythe will also give him some melee aptitude since it gives 4x damage for when he lands a critical hit. So while you can no longer just roll over everything with Luminaire, there's still not much challenge when you figure out that Magus is one of your better bets in the Sanctum. Also, the pink Nu version of Spekkio is now a push-over thanks to Lucca's Elemental Aegis so given the right setup, there's nothing to be afraid of anymore.

So yes, Chrono Trigger for the DS is highly approved. The game is treated with respect and it's still a joy to play. It would have been nice to have a harder difficulty in New Game+ that leveled up all the monsters, but what we really need is a true successor to Chrono Trigger and I'm afraid Chrono Cross just doesn't cut it. It has no regard for the style or mechanics that made Trigger good. Trigger was a simple and elegant RPG that was brisk and had tons of replay value. Cross was a convoluted nightmare that merely had a soundtrack with some really excellent tracks. The successor to Trigger needs to be small and charming not ambitious and grotesque. It also doesn't need 40 some useless party members without any character development.

So that's my brain dump for Chrono Trigger DS. It's got the "Square Enix tax" on it, but for $40, I don't think you'll find a better RPG to play on the DS. Granted I haven't played Dragon Quest V, but I'm very confident in asserting that'll probably be far more hardcore and unforgiving. Chrono Trigger on the other hand, is an excellent first RPG -- which is not to say that it's dumbed down or lesser. No, it's quite the opposite. There's a reason that the team behind it was called the "Dream Team." Chrono Trigger is still one of the pinnacles of not just Japanese RPGs or 16-bit games, but of gaming as a whole.

You get a line, I'll get a pole, we'll go fishin' at the crocodile hole

2009-03-16T15:29:00.004-06:00

Amazon is having a Blu-ray sale until the 22nd of March. Season 2 of Weeds is $13, A Clockwork Orange is $13, Reservoir Dogs is $12, American Psycho is $12, the 40 Year Old Virgin is $15, the Road Warrior is $14, Ratatouille is $20. If I didn't have some bills to pay...

In this age of Netflix, I think the only movies I'll be purchasing from now on are Blu-ray versions of movies I love (a few of which where listed above). For instance, Monster's, Inc. is supposed to be coming out this Spring on Blu-ray according to Bolt. Who needs to have shelves filled with plastic clutter anymore? Although, I'll admit there is something satisfying about having that wall of games and DVDs. It's something that says who you are while asking "Do you like me?" Narcissistic, but comforting.

The 1980s invented awesome

2009-03-16T13:19:00.008-06:00

via BuzzFeed. This is why I'm glad that I grew up in the '80s (or at least with it in my periphery). You poor unfortunate souls that only had the '90s will never have something this awesome. What would you have? Someone making a medley video of the "Macarena," Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy," and TLC's "Waterfalls?" No thanks.

Now, here's how they one-up themselves: Do a medley video of '80s videogame tunes. Mega Man and Castlevania? Hell yes. Perhaps it's a bit more hashed-out (what with thousands of videos of people playing the Super Mario Bros. theme already), but I think that it could still be very cool.

Also check out this interesting mash-up of the Beatles, the Kinks, and LCD Soundsystem. It's certainly not 1980s related, but I think it's worth a listen.

On another note, does anyone know how to get sexy looking high quality YouTube embed code like BuzzFeed uses versus the ugly, plain versions that YouTube gives you by default? I know there's a hack to add "&ap=%2526fmt%3D18" to the end of the video URL, but that doesn't quite cut it. Does anyone know the window dimensions that BuzzFeed uses? Also, why isn't YouTube smart enough now to know when you're embedding 4x3 or 16x9 video?

No one gets me except for my monkey

2009-03-12T21:20:00.005-06:00

One of the first sane reviews of Watchmen that I've heard comes from KCSU. Why nerds have to either love something so much that they're about to burst or they hate it so much that they scorch the earth around them, I've no idea. The middle ground is so much calmer, and often closer to the truth. But I guess that's why the subtitle to this blog is "oubliette for truth." This is where the truth comes to die and be forgotten. But search your feelings, you know it to be true: Watchmen is just okay... if that.

In other news, the battle continues between Cracked and Nicolas Cage.

Get ready to geek

2009-03-09T15:18:00.003-06:00

I recall Leo Laporte or someone else on Twit saying that it is only just now that computer hardware has caught up with the GUI. Back in the day of just a text interface and whatnot, stuff was fast because there wasn't a lot to it. Then, when the GUI came about, everything. slowed. down. Now, my mom's $500 laptop runs Vista more briskly and smoothly than my decrepit box runs XP. If you're just an "average" user, there should be nothing impeding you from doing what you have to do. Now that just needs to leak over into video editing and gaming...

It's the hair

2009-03-06T17:04:00.003-07:00

I used to respect Nicolas Cage. Not because we both spell our first name the same way, but because he's actually made some really good movies. Raising Arizona. Adaptation. Leaving Las Vegas. Movies that are entertaining. Vampire's Kiss. Con Air. The Rock (if only to say "the rock" with your best Sean Connery impersonation). So the guy should have some clout, right? Yeah, except that I can't think of a single recent film from him that was good. I abhor the National Treasure movies. Every single film that tries to be an "Indiana Jones movie" is always atrocious, which I don't understand. I love Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Last Crusade, but I feel somehow morally opposed to such films as Sahara and the DaVinci Code. But that's an entirely different issue I suppose...

Today I read an article on Cracked that starts to peck away at how I've felt about Nicolas Cage for the past... I don't know... seven years. What's happened to this guy? Does he just not care anymore? Is it just a paycheck to him? And what's with that godawful hair?

Anyone else feel similarly?

Moment of Truth

2009-03-06T15:35:00.006-07:00

I remember in high school that going to see the Lord of the Rings films was an officially sanctioned way to get out of class and go see something that was entertaining. They were epic, landmark films and I look back on those experiences very fondly. Today, I ditched class after sleeping on a wooden floor so that I could see Watchmen. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be Moses coming down the mountain here. To put it bluntly: this movie has flaws.

There were so many choices that I saw as inappropriate. The soundtrack is a clashing, incongruous mess. Jimmy Hendrix's cover of "All Along the Watchtower" as Night Owl and Rorschach approach Ozymandias' base in the Archimedes? The use of Nena's "99 Luftballoons"? Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'"? Even though Watchmen is based around historical things, I don't feel that those songs were of that world at all. They took me out of the movie entirely as I would roll my eyes or cringe at them. I would have much rather had a good score placed behind these scenes. Sticking old pop songs on top of them is cheap.

The ultra-violence is also something I could have done entirely without. There were several moments where I had to look away from the screen because the violence was sickening. It's also the ultra-violence that ruins much of Kill Bill for me. I find it stupid mostly -- it's over the top and seems to have no purpose other than grossing you out or proposing a self-declaration that the film that you're watching is "badass." I think the most effective form of violence is something that you don't see. I hate to bring up the Dark Knight, but I feel far more menace and fear and danger in that world than I do in the Watchmen. Not everything needs to be so blunt. Subtlety is far more elegant and effective.

The acting is also something that took me out of the film. In parts it's embarrassing (not to mention the embarrassment that comes from the "orgasm scene") and I never felt that these where real people as opposed to actors. Jackie Earle Haley does a pretty good job as Rorschach I guess, and maybe in a better film his performance would have been stronger. Billy Crudup had a very difficult job in portraying Dr. Manhattan. It's nearly impossible to warm up to something that's near emotionless. Unfortunately, he didn't succeed, but I think it's just in the nature of the role. Patrick Wilson's Night Owl is more of an awkward nerd than I read him, but that's probably closer to how he should be read. He should be awkward and you should feel sorry for him, but you should also find triumph and reinvigoration in him as well when he progresses. I didn't really feel that in the film. It's there, but it's not developed.

What is there to like though? For being just shy of three hours, the film does encapsulate a good deal of the story. However, I doubt that anyone who hasn't read Watchmen will fully get the movie and will probably be severely confused at times. Technology and film making have advanced far enough that the movie isn't poorly or cheaply done (although I am not a fan of much of the style of it). Even X-Men or Spider-man feel dated and laughable now, so it's good that we at least waited at least this long to attempt to make the film. It's unfortunate that this film had to come out after Dark Knight because that isn't just a great superhero movie, it's a great movie. Watchmen feels just like a superhero movie, however. And as far as those go, in some respects I prefer Watchmen to the overly "wink-wink" style that the Marvel films have that make you feel like you're in on some kind of joke (when really that just makes them cheesy and reduces them to merely "popcorn" movies). Sure there are some silly 300 references, but those can easily be ignored.

But even for all of it's flaws, I don't hate it and I don't have any ill will to those who made it. I have my version of how I see Watchmen, and they have theirs. I can deal with that. Is this a film that will be looked at in later generations as something that changed cinema? Absolutely not. My only hope is that if someone sees this movie and dislikes it that they don't apply those same prejudices towards the comic, which is still phenomenal.

Grade: C+