confessions of a lazy queen

back to blogging ---

2010-02-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

tagal ko naging haitus.. . wew. . . .

i miss writing. i miss blogging. i miss everything about pen and papers.. . literally.

i was depressed. a little off to my key. i hoped and expected a lot.

anyway. WELCOME TO MYSELF ^^,

how does it feel to die? dying?

2009-12-20T10:25:00.000+08:00

later this month, while walking towards the waiting shed in manila, i saw a middle aged man jumped over the barricade in Manila City Hall, under the Street Light. Unfortunately, his foot touched the barri and he fell off the ground. i heard a *DUG* sound. he was like a plant that sudden died due to direct sun heat. the man wasn't moving anymore, his companion keep on asking if he is ok but to no response. a man carried him aside and laid him on the floor. he was still unconscious. the lady raised his hand but it just dropped. i think, he is dead.�

a lot of times, i have wished being in that situation -- dead.

i already came to a point in just a blink of an eye, im done. im over. suicidal, accidents, sickness and even dying.

i can still remember, how my blood scattered on the monoblock table, on the floor, and the dripping bloody wet jacket over my head. yes, my blood. i got hit in the head of a monoblock chair by a fucking guy. as the blood flows down of my body, i was getting sleepy, but i hear voices, i hear chaos at that moment. i hear someone was telling me to keep awake. i saw my fingers turning violet simultaneously. i prayed that moment, "Lord, if this is my time, take me. But if not, this is your will". still, im alive.�

i wish, i just died that moment like the man who fell of the ground, than see myself bathing in my own blood. i look so pathetic that nobody from my friends and my *that time boyfriend was helping me out. nobody but a stranger who in fact can just stare at me and pass away.

i'd rather die than dying. i hate sufferings. why would you let someone suffer when you can even stop the pain and let go. . people go, people die. people come and go. its just a matter of time.

like love, i would let go of someone who hurts me constantly, than stay and pretend i am happy. think that everything is ok, pretend to people we are ok but we are broken.

like desparete cases of illness, i will accept the fact it is my time to go, than feed myself of medicines. apparatus to help me moving, or an oxygen to breathe but the pain doesn't go. it just leave for awhile to give me comfort, but it always come back whenever it likes to.�

like homeless people. . they sleep to satisfy their need. they look fine, but their body is laying in a freezing cold but they don't care. what is essential for them is to get rest, and no options but to sleep.�

just like me, i am alive, but i am empty.. -- WOOOT? emo? haha phew!~

sometimes, what we wish for never happens, no matter how hard we pray. no matter how close are we to God. it is He who still decides. even to those people who have nothing but prayers and faith, if He thinks it is their time. . it will happen.�

merry christmas everyone.�

The Heartbreaker

2009-02-06T18:08:00.000+08:00

Something for Girls to know

2009-02-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

Ladies, We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning,
we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
Let us pay for you!
Don’t "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you."
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
"Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us".
It's boring, and we don't care. You have friends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
on the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change. ditch his sorry ****, he's a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..
and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance
Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.

----------
credit to: `moon

Something for Girls to know

2009-02-05T13:48:00.000+08:00

my NEW FAVORITE: Rin on the Rox

2009-01-31T16:55:00.000+08:00

Beyonce's If i were a boy

RIHANNA's Umbrella

J. Holiday's Bed

Keyshia Cole's Love

Brandy's Have you ever

Ang plastic ay plastic. ang baso ay nababasag

2009-01-30T17:15:00.000+08:00

kagaya nga ng nasa site ni Chary,

"i FORGIVE WHO ARE MEAN TO ME,
NOT BECAUSE THEY "DESERVE IT",
BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M NICE"

fuck those people, i dont need them. i can live without their help and i don't need pretentious people just to get something from me. eh?
fuckers!

when everything seems to be fine

2009-01-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

a peck on the cheek on Nice's face.
a sweet hug to Ate Donna.
a big "ang taray" to Tina
a big "panalo" to Yesha

what are all these all about anyway?
i was sooo happy for my friends that everyone of us got high grade in the prelim TARIFF REVIEW exam. it was such a relief! hahaha. damn, if you could only see my actions, i was going gaga of such happiness.

i had a 1 hour nap early this morning. Me and Ate Donna been awake til wee hours of the morning just to study for the evaluation exam, we were talking and discussing over the phone of what we are studying. yeah it sucks but it was worth it. of course, i was a bit disappointed because i didn't do well. i didn't failed though, but knowing you helped someone in a little way was such a great feeling.it feels like...Christmas in a way.

i love this day

bullshit//

2009-01-13T19:45:00.000+08:00

asar ako!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bakit ganun!!!??? damn it!!` parang alang nangyayare sa nirereview ko amf.
oh well, disappointment is in me now. why? too private. understood? haha.
salamat kay ezra at natutunan ko yan..

YOKO NA!!!!!!!!!

ang pagbabago.

2009-01-08T14:40:00.000+08:00

balik multiply. ang panghihinayang.

years ago, nung hindi pa SIKAT tong multiply, gumawa na ako ng account dito, may konting laman pero d ko pinag tuunan ng pansin kase wala naman akong kapitbahay bahay na nakakaalam ng multiply. kasabay ng pag gawa ko sa friendster account ko date. wooah¬ ahaha adik.

a year ago, dinelete ko account ko kasi parang wala rin naman sense dahil d ko nga nagagalaw.

this year, back to basic nanaman. bagong aayusin, bagong layout, contents and kung ano ano pang kachorvahan. na minsan nakakairitang gawin kasi mauubos nalang oras mo kakaayos. pero ok lang. dito na talaga ako. ^^ dito na bahay ko. xD

A Letter to Depression

2008-12-30T20:26:00.004+08:00

A Letter to Depression
(C) Dec. 2008.
miztakumi creations.

Unfinished issues,
melodramatic stories,
hidden meanings beyond words spoken,

inevitable gestures dat
binds no definition at all,

lame excuses or white lies
dat i seize to believe--deaf,
mute and blind to escape d hurt
and cover his/her mean actions,

sumtime, i was able to move on
and leave d past behind.
unfortunately, i am at my old
self again.

its enough--am i inlove?
i'm going to live my life
wishing you love/d me.
i'm moving on without
my feet shackled from where
mourn defines depression.

Please, let me go.
because i'm not going to hold on.
Not anymore...
i want to live and die
known to myself and
not by anyone and
even to you....

MULTIPLE ORGASMS

2008-11-22T18:13:00.010+08:00

Hiatus online, working offline. Damn! i wish i have a lot more time to do it virtually--blog. Though i keep myself updated through MS Office's ONE NOTE once in a while. Anyway, i have a looooong entry today that's why my post is entitled

http://MULTIPLE ORGASMS

Catchy? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...Alam ko na nasa isip mo.. haha. Pwes! Tama ka doon, kasi taon na ata akong ZERO DEGREE sa mapaglarong kamunduhan. Hahaha. WTF!! What in the earth am I thinking!! *uyy tinagalog para hindi maintindihan ng dayuhan (LMAO)

Friday of November 14th was my second time to attend class since the 2nd semester started. I have my reasons anyway, valid to think but still unreasonable for my Profs, I guess? Shorty reminded me off by her question. “Hiatus ka pa rin?” geeez! I blurted out. A thought popped in, “nag blog pa ako, hindi naman din updated”. I miss my blog, visiting and reading my friends’ and giving comments. Blogging everyday is not healthy either at some point, again, I guess? thanks for reminding me Shorty ^^

to start off... my bitchiness... hahaha

http://hell semester's orgasm

"kung talagang gusto nyo pumasa sa board exam (customs board exam), dapat nagbasa kayo, kahapon pa. hindi ngayon, hindi mamaya, hindi bukas.., dapat kahapon pa" - Ma'am CB, Araceli Requinto

I really want to pass the mock and customs board exam. who wants to fail anyway? i'm doing my best to excel in my Tariff and Customs Review subjects. even if it will kill me and i wouldn't dare to exchange my short term happiness or personal activities for this. sounds exaggerated? well... enough said. i will just study. Ma'am, Have mercy xD

-------------------------------------------

http://haloween orgasm

Mom decided to buy flowers at Dang wa Dimasalang in order to avoid high price of flowers at memorial park. When they arrived, they called me to do the arrangement for 2. And since I am not into “flowers”, I grabbed the encyclopedia to get ideas that might help to do the Ikebana… oh, thanks to the Japanese telenovela called Artificial Flower aired in abs-cbn, a big help! I made 3 arrangements ^^ and yes…. THREE (3) arrangements. Haha BONGA ! xD not bad for a beginner like me huh?

my first ikebana

second ikebana

third ikebana

------------------------------------------
the rest is history. have to review for now ^^
See yah bloggie ^^

good bye first semester

2008-10-14T20:29:00.005+08:00

stolen moment

kinukulit!! (pasaway nagrereview po T__T)

today//
i just had my last day of final examination and it was cool for me to realized that it was my presentation in marketing that covered majority of the examination. so sweet of you Ma`am Andal ^^ thank you so much and the rest is history. I gave enough time to my Customs 3 since i think? i failed to take the midterm exam.. again, the rest is history. haha, bagsak iihhh >_<

last week//

on break ^^

waaaaaaaaa! finalllyyyyyyyyy! naka raos na rin, errr i had a looonng hiatus moment.
im back again. presentation, reports, endless editing of compilations, research,
woo¬ i need a looong vacation. mooooree bonding moments with my friends and need to doze off to sleep, no.. a loooong hours of sleep.

sleepless-review-nights

thats it for me now.. :D i need a rest >_<

finger.

2008-10-06T18:47:00.002+08:00

after the hell week....

hiatus paren.

2008-09-04T21:29:00.001+08:00

On blog leave.

Market Market

2008-08-02T19:50:00.004+08:00

Just a glance ^^

Nike

Ever Dearest flip flops

i love the scene.

Brief at panty

2008-07-14T19:09:00.005+08:00

napadaan lang.

TODAY | panty.
whew. nakahinga rin ng konte.... feeling ko hindi na masikip ung panty ko after the presentation last week. this week, puro quizzes na since prelim is fast approaching. dagdagan pa ng projects -- ok lang maraming kailangan, wag lang mawawalan ng pera T_T

TODAY | bokey na bulaklak at mahabang tobleron
belated Happy Birthday Maam Cel ^^ -- i gave her gifts in the class and un lang ^^ hihihi i love you maam. sayang d ako nakasama sa condo ni Elaine nung friday... wala kasama pag uwi eh >_<. ayaw ni Nice though game si Tina.

WEEKEND | project and shopping
i gave myself a treat, i bought 2 jeans 2 shirts and undergarments. actually hindi nga treat un eh, hahah. ah ewan! kupas na mga lonta ko. puputok na rin mga damit ko sa katabaan ko. wenks. un un eh. hahah

LAST WEEK | ang presentation
"maganda" yan ang comment ni Sir Norby sa presentation namin... weeeee!!
Good job sa lahat ^^

LAST LAST WEEK | kasalanan ng Cellphone.
For the first time, nakagawa ako ng parang ikamamatay ko na.... TUMUNOG CP KO! sa class ni Sir Norby. Awch!!~ here comes the fire, hindi ako nag admit agad because i want to make sure na saken nga galing un. during break time, i approached him and tell him it was mine.
wah!! Sir.... kung alam nyo lang T___T sorry po.

Busy.

2008-07-09T22:25:00.002+08:00

ON BLOG LEAVE!

REALITY BITES

2008-06-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

“Gaano mo kakilala ang iyong sarili?”
How well do you know yourself?

Last week my brother asked me to help him to his assignment about the humanity. The queries totally numbed me for a thought where I, myself been asking to through the years. The question shackled my body to the ground — I couldn’t move. It’s like a big stone that hit me straight unto my head. It’s like a challenge — to escape the twinge that is in me forever, to escape the viscous and torture in my life, to escape the hurt and scars of reality.

"Sumulat ng talata tungkol sa pagkatao mo."

I feel that I do not fit in to people around me; they seem to be perfect. They judge human beings as if they are perfectly fine, as if they have a perfect life where nobody is distrust, dispute and a burden to them. I say I cannot fit in to their standard because I am imperfect, unwise and ugly.

"How do you see yourself?"

This is what I learned to live my life… in false hope and promises. Where everything is a big mistake and lies – from the decisions that I come up to, the things I do, to friends, school, family and even myself. Do their thing and you are nothing. Do nothing and you too is a worthless. Fuck. Reality bites.

Be yourself. Just be yourself. How many people have said this to you? Or have heard this? Do they still accept you for who you are and say nothing? Damn! Seldom have I tried my best -- capable of doing so but still the ruthless judgment is slapping my face. I seem still not befit and belong to them.
When reality is trying to betray my fate, I offered myself a frivolous experience — play the game. Pathetically, A game I can’t win forever. An insignificant gamble of fate and character.

I have tried being in in the world of fantasy – maybe now I can be myself even in a few span of time. It has been... merely seven years now and I cannot imagine how I indulged and embraced the virtual life and turned it to reality. A piteous life where I wished I have never been born at all, no… that’s exaggeration… I mean, I wished I have never given so much attention to. Regret is not the right word to describe the feeling neither agony; perhaps a reflection. A reflection of unwanted perceptions and unfortunate experiences that you may wanted to destroy the memoir that is with you in your entire life. A fast bullet that could kill you in a minute or so. The stab of a knife that saps the wound into your body and slowly will rob your life. Inevitable experiences, unattainable moments, chaos in real life – this is what virtual life has given me…. it made my life more miserable. From the people who made an impact to my life, to friends who ruined me and eventually to the game that I have lost the interest.

"Define your life"

My life is an endless battle, i might win in the end but struggling.

another HELL of Semester.

2008-06-19T15:55:00.006+08:00

i never expected that Ms Concha, our college evaluator will really require me to shift from Tariff and Customs Administration to Customs Administration and the reason is inevitable but the curriculum also requires me to take NEW SUBJECTS, that unfortunately i took already in my early years of studying. I don't understand why they have to reconsider the OLD and NEW SUBJECT description when in fact i passed the subjects. anyway, am i ranting? i hope not. >_<

MUST DO: deadline June 20, 2008
TARIFF 2: Memorize
Section 101 of the TCCP
Section 105 of the TCCP

TARIFF 6: recitation
SPECIAL DUTIES: Dumping Duty
support answers with CASES.

CUSTOMS 3
Study PPA 13-77 & PD 857

CUSTOMS 4: Memorize
Section 1001-1112

Exaggeration? hahaha hell noh! thats normal for our professors (awch!) and a burden to keep specially if you have a whopping 7am - 8.30PM schedule to die for.

i am still breathing and i am still coping with my headache until now.. i guess i am fine?

Not a BAD HAIR DAY ^^

2008-06-15T18:27:00.011+08:00

ahahaha, i never thought that the photos will turn out to be really funny and cute?
xD i had fun ^^

= the end =

LOL

i am not feeling well

2008-06-12T21:01:00.006+08:00

aw! stolen?

damn bored >_<

SICK.
its been 4 weeks now and counting that i am suffering from a head ache.... severe pain at times but i still manage to keep my posture and hide it to my family. Though i told my mom about it, she didn't took it seriously, furthermore nagged at me. I cannot blame her because of what she see in everything i do -- seriously studying that i am still awake until dawn, hence the school doesn't offer morning schedule for like us (4th yr) whose faculty members are limited and mostly of part time professors. but it's OK... i will be ok in no time :)

INSPIRED.
i am inspired again, no no no i am not inlove, but to design, create and play with art in Photoshop again. well i am starting from the scratch again T_T

1280 x 960

800 x 600

hiatus?

2008-05-10T17:10:00.002+08:00

errrr, it's been a while now since my last post. i missed everything! i must say that i did it on purpose and lately, been thinking of working on my blog again. i'm always been like this, err damn sucks! i feel like a palitao, na lulubog at lilitaw.

i am starting to like this blog again and soon to reconstruct it with a better theme and content. i've learned my lessons... enough is enough.

i am back!

STRESSFUL !!

2008-02-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

tour sa baguio,
graduation pic,
case study in customs,
every tuesdays and fridays evaluation exams,
minor in morning, major in evening,
saturday: compilation of materials

i don't and want to think that i don't have much time for myself. i don't want to think na stressed na talaga ako kahit ... yeah... sa tingin ko nga. sabayan pa ng Depression, frustration and humilation :(
nakaka pagod talaga... hindi ko na alam kung ano iisipin ko T__T dagdagan pa ng problema sa ibang subject.

anyway, napadaan lang ako kasi mukhang ewan na tong blog ko. wala ng kalaman laman kahit gusto ko lagyan araw araw.

ingat lage.

this time i surrender ....

2008-01-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

Dear Philipp,

you know how much i love you.. you know how much i care, but good things never last forever. time change and so do people. we shared so many things and i learned a lot from it. i'll always treasure the good and bad experience we had.

it is hard to end a relationship that easy.. so hard to that we may wanna think of what we've been through and hold on but we can't no longer continue for some reasons that we seize to understand at times. asking ourselves where did we go wrong.. i never expected this, but the hurt is not tolerable anymore and i can't hold my patience further.

i love you and you know how much i really love you but i love myself too.. and loving you taught me that i should keep a little respect and peace of mind for myself.

i am so sorry for everything, i am really sorry.. God has a better plan for both of us and just be thankful for the blessing that will shower upon us. One year and one month in relationship was never easy to let go and move on.. thank you for everything Philipp... thank you.

i love you ... goodbye.