I made a lot of food for the boys while they were watching the Super Bowl and pre-game shows. I made cheese sticks, pizza rolls, pierogies, taco dip, and a favorite that we’ve missed since we moved – bacon ranch wings.

This recipe is ridiculously easy.

First I was so happy to find some nice looking organic and already cut up chicken wings. Even better, they weren’t hairy when I opened the package! I hate having to singe off the hairs.

I rendered some bacon. I use the nitrate free kind, but you can use whatever suits you.

I rinsed the wings and patted them dry in paper towels. Then, I fried them in a medium high heat oil. I used canola. The oil was probably 350-375 degrees F (I really should get a thermometer). You can use a dutch oven, or any other deep pan you use for frying if you don’t have  a deep fryer, but I wouldn’t fill it any more than half full with oil. You just need the wings to be covered. Cook the wings for about 7 minutes.

Then I tossed the wings in a bowl with 6 Tablespoons of ranch dressing (use your favorite), and the rendered and drained bacon. No, the bacon flavored ranch isn’t the same if you’re thinking about taking a short cut.

It’s no secret that I’ve been helping support the Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act H.R. 2288. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I’ve got two boys on the spectrum. Finding services is sometimes a nightmare. If we were still a M-Day family, quite frankly, we’d be screwed. We know what it’s like to try to function without services. We did it for the SEVEN YEARS it took me to convince a doctor that the other doctors were wrong about my son. Add military life on top of that, and you really begin to feel like you’re getting to a breaking point. ALL military families need services.

So, then why is it that the two Senators from Pennsyvania sent staffers to the briefing last Tuesday, but when I wrote to Rep. Bill Shuster, who is our representative, I got a rather spammy canned letter in return that was more concerned about the budget. Yes, I understand funding would be an issue, but we’re talking about people. Families. The military families that politicians have deemed so important. We have Joining Forces and the Army Family Covenant. Where are they in all of this? I don’t see them, do you?

Why am I singling out Rep. Shuster? Because Carlisle Barracks falls in his district. He is supposed to be representing military families. We have a VERY high retiree population in this area. One of the very groups that CMKAA would benefit. The PA ARNG Headquarters is at Ft. Indiantown Gap, PA. NOt in his district, but I know there are soldiers that live on post here who work there. Soldiers I’m sure who live in the district who drill there as well. Probably soldiers who would also benefit from CMKAA.

Again, why single out Rep. Shuster? He is ON THE HOUSE ARMED FORCES COMMITTEE. He is ON THE HOUSE ARMED FORCES SUBCOMMITTEE ON MILITARY PERSONNEL. He is NOT a co-sponsor of CMKAA H.R. 2288.

As a voting member of his district, I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse with two children on the autism spectrum I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse with two children on the autism spectrum and my family took the time to go to the briefing in DC and he did not, I find this ABHORRENT.

I know where MY vote will be cast when he’s up for re-election, and at this point, it’s not for a US House Representative who is on the House Armed Forces Committee and Subcommittee on Military Personnel and does NOT support the very military personnel he represents.

You can also check to see if your Representative is a cosponsor of CMKAA H.R. 2288. You can also write them and tell them why they should support this bill. No member of our military should have to worry about if their child has proper care. In the words of Karen Driscoll from Tuesday’s briefing, “If my son had brain cancer, coverage would not be an issue.” It’s true. If our children had cancer, everything would be paid for without the hoops we currently jump through. Because we’re fighting AUTISM, someone has decided they can pick and choose who gets treatment and who doesn’t. Tell me where the morality is in that.

Did you have a good Friday? How did you spend your afternoon? I was going to go grocery shopping. Instead, I got the mail, and checked it as I always do to toss the catalogs and junk right there at the post office. That way there’s less paper coming into our home. I came across the referrals I had requested. Renewals really. The older son and I need to go to the allergist for our check ups, asthma checks, and after what we found with the 5yo, food testing.

The 5yo needed his OT continued. I knew full well that we’d have ot find a new OT. The place where he was getting therapy only had a temporary therapist. One we waited 3 months for. One that waiting 3 months was perfectly acceptable to the Tricare people when I called initially. One that was an absolutely fantastic therapist, and I’m glad now to have waited for her because she taught me so much, but I found out had I gone to our Tricare office, they would have tried to find us someone with services sooner. I was still a little raw from someone in their office trying to refer us to the ABA provider for a psych eval for an official autism diagnosis, not one done by the school entity for kids ages 3-5 coughillegalcough.

This time, I wasn’t taking “months” or “we have an extensive wait list” for an answer. I’ve seen WAY too much progress for our son to regress. I can do some things at home, but not enough to be left hanging indefinitely. So I went from the post office to the Tricare office at our clinic. I spent a total of about 2 hours there. Two hours, 2 trips, and 2 very kind women who worked very hard to find us a provider that could provide proper services, and in a timely manner. I appreciate them more than they know.

It was suggested to me that I finally suck it up and do the Medicaid paperwork. Honestly, it wouldn’t matter. Medicaid wouldn’t magically make more providers appear that can provide OT to a 5yo with autism. Believe it or not, as broken as our current system is, the ladies in the Tricare office were just looking for ANYONE in the area that could help us. ANYONE. It didn’t matter at that point network, non network, green, purple, alien, just as long as they could provide OT to my son without us being on some indefinite wait list.

One of the ladies suggested that I write a nicely worded letter to the clinic commander about the difficulties we’ve had with the system since we’re here longer than most families. Most families here cycle in every July/August and cycle out in May/June. I told her about some of our providers who were fantastic. How hard it was to find some of them. And how hard it was to cobble together services. When I initially brought in the referral, they had no idea that the place here in town no longer had an OT. That the one they did have was temporary. So, I’m going to do just that. I am going to write that letter to the clinic commander about what we’ve gone through since we’ve been here. I’m mad and annoyed, but I’ve found enough kind and helpful people to keep me from truly losing my shit. If my letter can in any way help all of the other families with kids on the spectrum, even a smidge, then it’s worth it. I was told there are quite a few when I was in the Tricare office. I know from this journey of ours that started in January of 2010 that every bit of help matters, no matter how seemingly small to the person providing it.

This is just one more reason that if military families truly matter to our politicians as much as they say, then there needs to be measures to improve our Tricare health system, not gut it and charge us more.

All couples have their dances. Ours is often dinner. There are days I don’t feel well, and there are days like yesterday, where I REALLY don’t feel well. My fibromyalgia is flaring, and quite frankly, kicking my ass. I have a migraine that wants to manifest, but sits in my right temple and my tense neck muscles just taunting me. Still, there are still the day to day things that need done.

My husband gets home from work. He knows by my state of dress (true pajamas, not even yoga pants) that it’s a bad day. I’m laying on the couch tweeting from my phone because I’m letting the 5yo play Mario Kart just so I can rest a bit. My husband knows that I’m most likely not cooking dinner before he even asks. The question then remains, does he cook? Do we get take out? Or do we just go somewhere that has a kids’ night?

Often we opt for take out. There is a hoagie shop that one time I lost the dance, I clocked the mileage at 0.6 miles from our house. I had to laugh when I found out how far it is from the house because we often end up playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who goes to get the food. If I’m really feeling that poorly, my husband will just go. I’ve been fortunate to not have too many of those days lately, but at the same time it means that I have to negotiate to be the one to stay home.

0.6 miles. That’s our hoagie dance. What kind of dance do you share?

We have both boys transitioning this year. Have I mentioned that? I probably have. It’s one of the things that’s been preoccupying my mind these days. Since our oldest wasn’t diagnosed until he was 8 1/2, these are firsts all around. We have the older child transitioning to middle school. Having a child in middle school in and of itself scares the bejesus out of me, but to have my sensitive Aspie in middle school is a whole new level of terrifying. I have no idea what to expect, and I don’t like the unknown. Logistics is the name of the game in our house, so I like to know and plan.

This feeling of the unknown also carries over to Kindergarten. Our younger son is transitioning from preschool to Kindergarten. I think the biggest challenge (besides getting the accommodations he needs) is to get the school to see past the autism to see the bright and sweet boy he is. He’s going to need challenged, or he’ll find his own way to stay entertained. It’s going to be interesting. Add to that his multiple food allergies, and this mama is just a tad freaked.

I was OK with the food allergies while the symptoms were all GI. We were out in public a few weeks ago, and the 5yo had a contact reaction. We were at an indoor play place. There were three birthday parties going on while we were there. There were children with food on the play apparatus. I have no idea what caused the reaction. The school serves peanut butter and jelly every day as one of the lunch choices. Elementary kids are not clean little people. So they could have a peanut free table for our son until the cows come home, but that doesn’t eliminate the threat of a kid who had one of his allergens on their hands and then left residue in the bathroom, on a door knob, or elsewhere in the classroom. Even if they have the kids wash their hands, unless the teacher is going to inspect every set of hands, I’m worried about another contact reaction. Peanut butter doesn’t always come off with a regular hand washing if it gets stuck in your cuticles or under the nails, as I’ve learned when I have baked with it in the past. And a citrus fruit allergy. There is citrus fruit in place you’d not thing it would be. Is everyone going to read labels, check for may contains? So many uncertains.

From what I’ve gathered so far, there is no formal process for middle school transitions. I need to get on this because we need to know what building my older child will be in next year so when we write his IEP this Spring, we can write an appropriate IEP. Otherwise, I”m going to have to pull everyone in next September.

For Kindergarten, I’m going to have to see what the school feels falls under FAPE. What do they feel is the least restrictive environment? Can they accommodate my child’s needs so he can be the most successful student he can be?

These are just a couple of the things that keep me awake at night.

Yesterday we had the honor of attending the Congressional briefing on Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act, HR 2288. I have so many people to thank before I start for making the day a success for our family. The accessibility office at the Capitol Visitor Center for working with us, and the Capitol Police on some issues for our son with multiple food allergies. The SGT that day who walked with us to security to make sure we got through smoothly. The people of Autism Speaks who so very kindly reserved us seats near the door in case we had to leave the briefing for any reason. The parking people who didn’t give us a ticket for being parked in one zone more than two hours. Who knew you had to move your car every two hours in DC? And last but not least, ALL of our therapists – ABA, speech, and OT. Without the intensive time we’ve put in these last 18 months, there is absolutely no way we could have even considered making the trip with the boys.

We sat in the briefing, we listened to the data, and it was compelling. I was a little disappointed that they chose to talk about the Marine Corps EFM program. From what I’ve heard, they’ve got the best out of all of the services. It’s certainly not what we’ve experienced in the Army. I made sure to tell the staffer we were with from Senator Toomey’s office just that. We don’t have case managers at the MTF where we live. Last I checked, I cannot use the child care on post unless I also pay for a one on one assistant for my 5yo because they are not equipped to handle special needs children. Why would I pay for two simultaneous services? These are just two examples. You can also add that I’ve had to chase down EVERYTHING we have on my own. No one told me, oh yes, you go here to sign up for EFMP, and then we’ll sign you up for ECHO, and oh by the way, you can go to ACS and there’s another EFMP office there where you can see about getting respite care. Nope. I saw the posters on the wall at the clinic about EFMP and researched it and asked. I made an appointment and got us all signed up. BEFORE the kids were diagnosed with autism, thankfully. I’m gad we had other conditions that made us qualify. But then we signed up for EFMP and that was it. I had to ask about ECHO and ABA therapy. So that was another delay and paperwork. It was another YEAR before I found out about the ACS office and respite. I found that out through more research and asking our ABA provider about what I had found. I don’t know if this is just our post, but there is a SERIOUS lack of communication and dissemination of information to families.

Then we heard the personal stories of our fellow military families. I mean really, how could we add anything else to what they had said? Rachel talked about having to tell her husband while he was in a war zone that their daughter had autism. And oh by the way, Honey, you’ve served 25 distinguished years, but you can’t retire just yet, or our child can’t get the services she needs. And Karen hit the costs on the head. If a colonel’s family can’t do it, how can any family do it. She answered her own question. They’re not. That is why only 10% of families are getting services. Again, to repeat what I heard yesterday, I don’t know where 10% is considered a success rate. And really, I’m betting that 90% failure rate is even higher because retiree and reserve component families aren’t even eligible for services, so their numbers aren’t even counted. I’d be willing to bet that failure rate is more like 98% across the entire military. Think about that.   And have you ever heard someone say they were glad to have lung cancer? I did yesterday. Why? because it means Scott is still active duty and his son still gets the services he needs. The cancer was found during Scott’s retirement physical. What are the odds? I can’t even imagine what that emotional roller coaster is like.

I mean really, they covered it all. The obstacles we face in getting services in the first place, the costs we pay even after what Tricare will cover, and the fact that our soldiers simply cannot retire until the Army says, “That’s it, we can’t keep you anymore.” We ALL stare down the fear every day of an injury, or even worse, suddenly wiping services our kids desperately need away. No soldier going into combat needs to worry about any of this, but that is what is happening. I know there’s a lot of talk about what we signed up for. Well, I can tell you that pre 9-11, and I’m betting post 9-11 too, these soldiers signed up under the promise that when the shit hit the fan, they and their families would be taken care of, but that simply is not happening, and has not been happening.

After the Congressional staffers heard all of the data and stories yesterday, they got to go back to their lives. Their probably pretty simple lives. I can tell you what we went back to. The car ride home was full of autism because the boys used their ability to behave as society wants them to in the briefing. We were all exhausted. We were up early. We walked a lot since we parked by Union Station thinking that would be the only parking we’d find anywhere near the Capitol. My fibromyalgia is flaring so badly, the muscles in my hands ache. Our 5yo was still awake at 5:30am this morning. My husband was up at 4:45am so he could be dressed and to work on time for PT with the cadets. Our 10yo completed the work he missed from school last night, and will be up early to go back to his routine today. We have ABA therapy scheduled this week. We’re on a break from OT due to lack of a therapist for what we are told will be months before they will be able to find a new one. We still have a leaky roof that needs resolving. I’ve got a Kindergarten transition meeting to prepare for on Friday, and a middle school transition to call about since no one has called me back. Our complicated lives of therapy, doctor appointments, and the Army continue while the fate of how much support we get is now in the fate of Congress. We will now see if military families are truly as important as they say we are.

I found this great idea while Twitter and Facebook surfing waiting for the kids to get home from school. An IEP Meme. A way for those of us who have been through the process to share. I also plan on reading posts written by others to gain ideas as both of my boys trasition into uncharted territory for us next school year (so make sure you post to, hint, hint). We were late to the IEP game since our oldest fell through a TON of cracks and wasn’t dx’d until age 8 1/2. I’m convinced the only reason our youngest was diagnosed is because we persevered with our oldest for 7 years. Yes, it was that long between when WE knew there was something wrong and when we got a doctor to admit it too.

I’ll start with Zach, my Aspie. He’s currently a 5th grader.

A. Tools/Assistive Devices: Zach has fidgets and a chewy of his choice written into his IEP (I will be pushing harder for more socially acceptable gum as he transitions to middle school next year). This is the first year he hasn’t really utilized either, but he has expressed that he’d prefer to chew gum like he was allowed in a previous school in 2nd grade. It was a class wide thing his teacher did when the class did writing prompts that he found helped him. This school wouldn’t allow it though despite the research proven it helps kids concentrate.

He has a notebook to write down thoughts instead of blurting them out in class. Also to draw and doodle because it helps him listen when the teacher is talking, and it gives him something constructive to do when he’s done with his work.

A checklist of what needs to come home every day on his desk.

This year’s teacher puts homework online, and she has gone the extra mile to put the spelling words for the week online with the homework since we have an issue with “forgetting” the list. I think it’s more because spelling is really easy for Zach and he finds the homework part tedious.

When there is a substitute, someone from the office checks in periodically. We’ve had issues with subs not having control of the class, and Zach will try to resolve an issue on his own when adults won’t intervene, and not always in an appropriate manner.

He is not to miss more than 5 minutes of recess for any reason. If it’s absolutely necessary that he miss recess, he may walk or jog around the perimeter of the playground, but there MUST be physical activity or he can’t settle to concentrate.

B. Services: We’re fortunate enough to get ABA therapy both through the school and our insurance. He gets about an hour a week through the school and about 2-4 hours a week depending on what we feel is necessary privately either in school and/or at home.

Aaron is 5 and currently in preschool. He is dx’d as “low functioning autism, but verbal.”

A. Tools/Assistive Devices: Aaron currently doesn’t really have a lot in this area currently, but we will be asking for A LOT for Kindergarten. His current class is about 15 kids to 4 adults. The environment will drastically change with 30 kids to 2 adults next year. Aaron does have an iPad that we use at home, and his speech therapist has used as a positive reinforcer and as a therapy tool.

B. Services: I’m going to group these by at school and outside of school. At school Aaron gets OT and speech therapies. His IEP says 1 hour per month of each. Yes, per MONTH. Ridiculous, I know, and I’ve been told, that’s about what I can expect anywhere. However, I think he currently gets a bit more since his classroom is set up in a way that both are integrated into his time in class. So, if the SLP is working with one child, and that child is conversing with Aaron, she’s also going to prompt him to interact appropriately. Both of the school therapists have been eager to continue what we’re doing privately.

Private OT – Aaron has made HUGE strides. His focus and our ability to help him calm using the sensory techniques the OT has taught us have been awesome. A 170 improvement from where we were. My complaint is that she was temporary and the facility won’t have another pediatric OT for months. Activities we have done in OT are practicing buttons, tying shoes, playdoh, putty, picking up beans and beads with tweezers, writing, flicking paper footballs, cutting with scissors, rice container, bean container, bead container, swing, brushing, joint compressions, tunnel play, drawing, coloring, mazes, dot to dots, lots and lots of writing and hand work. Aaron went into therapy using both hands. We had to choose a hand for him to write with based on which one was stronger. We went for 1 1/2 to 2 hours a week depending on what was open as far as sessions from August until January while they had a therapist for Aaron.

Private Speech Therapy – 30min-1hr a week. It depends on the schedule and how well Aaron is in a groove. Our therapist lets him set the pace which I like. She still  pushes, but knows when enough is enough. She also works with the school district, so I’m hoping for continuity of care when he starts Kindergarten next year. Aaron has worked on time of day- day vs. night, describing objects beyond shape, color and number, answering WH- questions, following multi-step instructions, describing a scene, and conversing for more than just a few turns, and ending the interaction appropriately instead of just stopping or walking away. The WH- questions has been huge.

ABA therapy – All privately provided by our insurance currently. Aaron gets roughly 4-5 hours per week at school and home. One day a week is at school, and one is at home since he currently only attends preschool 2 days per week.

It’s finally snowy. It’s been rainy too. It’s cold. We’ve been sick. There’s been nothing to do but hibernate for the last two weeks. This is why I don’t have enough blog fodder for a full post. Some highlights from the last two weeks.

-I harassed all of our Congressmen with emails. Senator Toomey’s office responded, and one of his staffers will be attending the briefing on Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act with us. I know who I’ll be voting for next time around, and who I will NOT be voting for (looking at you on the Armed Forces committee Rep. Shuster).

-I learned that kids can make flourescent green pus come out of their eyes when they’re sick. That was a new and gross one. The doctor was rather impressed we’ve survived 10 years and 2 kids and this was our first pink eye incident. Having the school cal to say your kid’s eye is oozing was interesting. I swear he was fine when I sent him.

-Said pink eye child also coughed in my face while ill and I woke up Saturday with the worst sore throat I’ve had in a very long time. My throat was swollen. It was hard to even swallow some Aleve for the headache I also had. It was hard to swallow anything. After home treatment, it was no better after 3 days so I dragged myself to the doctor. I’m so very annoyed I did so as it was just post nasal drip. Post nasal drip wreaks havoc on the throat. I swore I was dying on Saturday. Since I’ve had my tonsils out I’ve not had many sore throats like that. Maybe three in the last nine years, so I was a big baby about it.

-Buttcheek is the new insult in our house. As in, “You’re a buttcheek head.”

-I woke up this morning with a runny eye. Since it’s been a week since we’ve had pink eye symptoms in the house, I’m guessing whatever cold this is going around, it’s a doozy to cause this. I’m hoping I don’t need the eye drops too. Really really hoping. I can’t be down and out another weekend.

-Autism is rearing its ugly head in our house lately. Normally it’s not a bad thing. Really. But the regression lately is tearing at me. I don’t know if it’s from being ill or if it’s just the natural life progression, but it’s been highly frustrating. We’re back to being in survival mode.

What’s going on in your neck of the woods?

*This is not a compensated post. This is just information I thought would be useful and wanted to post. ~Amanda

The Iraqi War came to an end last month and our troops did an amazing job liberating the country and putting an end to Saddam’s reign. During the course of the war, nearly 5,000 U.S. soldiers gave the ultimate sacrifice. It is important to constantly remember and honor our troops. You may have known someone who lost their life while fighting for their country, but you may not know where they are buried. There are over 6 million veterans buried across the U.S. locating a veteran grave can be a challenge. It is now possible to find a veteran grave for free with LocateGrave.org



Users can search for a veteran by name, cemetery, date of birth, military rank and military branch. Once you have located the veteran you are looking for, click on their name to see the detailed information regarding their burial. A map will help you locate the cemetery and the cemetery’s phone number will be displayed. You can also leave a prayer or note to remember the veteran.

A similar online tool also powered by FindTheData.org is the Medal of Honor Recipients database. Like the veteran grave locator, the Medal of Honor tool allows you to search for recipients based on war, rank and name.

This is a guest post written by Evan Thomas, a student at UC Santa Barbara. He is also working on a military colleges comparison and a war statistics site. If you have any questions or comments about the grave locator, feel free to contact Evan at evan_thomas (@) umail.ucsb.edu