Confessions of a Candegirl

Sick and Stuff: My Thoughts on Being 80 and Eddie Long

2010-09-28T20:38:00.000-04:00

Note: This was filmed around 9/20 although I am just posting it....

Musical Inspiration
Artist: R Kelly
Song: Trapped in the Closet

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Lover: A Kinda Documentary

2010-09-28T19:54:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Phil Collins
Song: Easy Lover

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 9.19.10-Cemetary, Meeting, Infection

2010-09-19T18:28:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Ralph Tresvant
Song: Sensitivity

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Horror Story: Scary Movies and Scary Men

2010-09-18T11:46:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Shirley Brown
Song: Woman to Woman

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 9.13.10-Fire, Hair and Dating

2010-09-12T12:28:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Rick James and Tenna Marie
Song: Fire and Desire

Peace and Love Candegirl

Hair Update: Henna and Kimmaytube Leave In

2010-08-29T14:30:00.000-04:00

To get the Kimmaytube leave in recipe...click below
Kimmaytube Leave In

For more information on Henna...click below
Henna-Curly Nikki Forum

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Michael Jackson
Song: The Way You Make Me Feel

VLOG: Weekly Update 8.29.10-Driveby, Hibernation, Contest

2010-08-29T13:21:00.000-04:00

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: The Dance Off In D.C.-A Call For A National Dance Off

2010-08-28T10:56:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
Song: Dancing in the Streets

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Horror Story: Bed Bugs and Bad Boys

2010-08-26T11:49:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Anthony Hamilton
Song: Sista big Bone

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 8.22.10-Cut, Sleep, Call

2010-08-22T23:47:00.000-04:00

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration
Artist: KT Tunstall
Song: Suddenly Song

Reasons My Grandpa Is Cooler Than You

2010-08-18T21:42:00.003-04:00

Grand and Me! Doesn't He Look Cool?!

So today is my GRANDPA'S 86th birthday! I just left their house and I while I realize everyday how blessed I am to have him in my life today I realized how much cooler he is than anyone else I know.

Top 10 Reasons Why Grandpa is Cooler Than You:
10. He built, and I do mean built, with his own two hands the breakfast nook on that back of their house. He is currently remodeling my basement. Did I mention he is 86?

9. He has a computer. A Sony Vaio and he asked me for an MP3 player...he knows what an MP3 player is. Oh by the way he is 86.

8. He reads the paper every single day. My earliest memories are of him reading the paper and me sitting at the table pretending to read long before I could. He made me yearn to learn how to read and he is the reason I have to read the paper everyday.

7. When I was struggling with Pre-Calc in high school he was the only person able to help me. The thing about that is he never went passed the 10th grade. He left school to work and eventually join the army yet he could understand and teach the rules of Pre-Calculus

6. When he took my grandmother on their first date, more than 57 years ago, he was nervous and broke but didn't want her to know. When it was time for him to check their coats at the supper club they went to he said to her "well looks like we have to hold our coats, because they don't have change for a fifty". My grandmother always chimes in when they tell this story and says "I knew he was lying the place was packed they had change, but he was sweet...and I knew he was broke". He had fifteen dollars to his name and stretched it all to impress this young woman who would become my grandmother. COOL!

5. He wanted a grandson...after having three girls. He got me. So guess who he made watch baseball, football, basketball and especially golf with him. I don't know much, but I know enough to fake it for the boys! Thanks Grandpa!

4. He never stayed out late, never came home drunk, never raised his voice and never missed a day of work. He loves his family and although he never knew his father he has been a father figure to so many young men in both our neighborhood, family and those who he calls his Masonic brothers.

3. He loves music and has a jazz collection, vinyl baby, that will KNOCK your socks off. He taught me about Byrd, Duke, Washington Coltrane and more. He is also the reason I love Big band Music and Classical. He is one cool cat.....

2. He has loved my grandmother for 57 years and at this time in life when she needs to lean on him for daily assistance he does it with no complaints and more love than I have ever witnessed. This is marriage...this is cool!

1. See the video for the number one reason why my Grandpa is COOLER than you...and me!

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Louis Armstrong
Song: What A Wonderful World

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Love That Won't Love You Back

2010-08-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

Life is full of all kinds of love. The love of a parent for a child. The love of friends. New love...old love...perfect and imperfect. The love that I have most recently encountered and have had trouble shaking is the the love that won't love you back. You see all the signs that love exist in this space, that this love is meant to be yet the person on the other side of that love has no connection, call it bad love reception.

This love brings joy at first and then one day you realize it. That while you are feeling one kind of love the person on the other end is experiencing an entirely different form of love, or worst....no love at all. You beg with yourself to stop loving the person. To move on. To grow a pair. You look for new hobbies, new addictions, new love, but when you get even a moment of quiet that love that has been so evasive pops right back in and consumes you.

This love is like the toy you lose as a child and while you had tons of other toys to choose from, and you played with them, secretly you long for that toy. I had a Barbie like that and I can honestly say that to this day I think of that Barbie and I often think that one day I will open up a box from my childhood and find that doll, though she has been missing for nearly 20 years.

When it's a toy, holding out hope for 20 years doesn't seem so bad. When it is a person, another human with their own agenda, feelings and perhaps pursuits of their own unrequited love then you find yourself at the mercy of this persons hold on your heart.

The thing is if the love you felt was real love, a real sense of belonging in someones world and them inside of yours how do let that go? How do you move on from that the place...that feeling?

If anyone has the cure for the love that won't love you back...send it to me, because I am ready for love that plays fair.

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Erykah Badu
Song: I Want You

VLOG: Weekly Update 8.15.10-Centaur, Foursquare and Cotton

2010-08-15T21:39:00.000-04:00

Untitled from cfortman on Vimeo.

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Dire Straits
Song: Sultans of Swing

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: My High School Crush....Idris Elba

2010-08-11T20:23:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: The Temptations
Song: Just Mu Imagination

Peace and Love Candegirl

Preparing To Meet Your Fantasy

2010-08-10T19:20:00.000-04:00

So as those of you who have seen this weeks VLOG update or you are my close friend and received a call from me today to remind you, tomorrow I will be meeting a man who's image has comforted many a single girl night for me, Mr. Idris Elba.

I am unsure how that much SLINK+IMAGEEXY can exist inside one man, but it does. As I prepare myself to be in the presence of LOVELINESS I thought I would do a quick post on the four things one must do the night before meeting Idris for the first time.

4. Scrub, Exfoliate, Cleanse REPEAT- you skin should feel like the day you were born. SOFT, CARESSABLE, IRRESISTBLE. You should smell like a muse, a goddess, a woman he should KNOW.

3. Remove all hair that is NOT helping you maintain your sexy- legs, face, underarms and anywhere else that could become visible give the right amount of time and seclusion with Mr. Elba.

2. Clothes/Make-up/Hair/Accessories- if it is the night before and your clothing and hair are still a mystery you have ALREADY failed this test. Stay home and wait for the report.

1. Place ones mind in the ZONE...THE SEXY ZONE- do this by opening a glass of red wine the night before. Taste the sweet nectar of life. Turn on the sounds of men like Maxwell, Prince and Eric Benet. Open your senses to the smells of lit candles. Eat sexy food like chocolate covered strawberries. Rub a mink pillow and embrace the softness.

Sleep...sleep...and wake to the thought of IDRIS! LOL

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Is That a Laptop In a Bar?

2010-08-09T22:20:00.001-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Wyclef Jean
Song: Perfect Gentleman

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 8.8.10-Crime, T-Shirts and Smiles

2010-08-08T21:28:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Nancy Sinatra
Song: Bang Bang

Peace and Love Candegirl

Saturday Morning Attitude

2010-08-07T07:58:00.000-04:00

I hate when I fall asleep out of boredom! It literally makes me wakeup the next day with the worst attitude.

My typical Friday night

This was what happened to me last night when I failed to find anyone to go to a concert with me, catch my rant on the weekly update about that, and then I had not one call, text message, BBM, Tweet, FB message or messenger bird drop a: "Hey...we're going to be over.....". So I slept. I guess every now and again getting in bed early is a good thing, but I am losing my "in my twenties weekends....FAST", especially my summer ones. I am in NO way saying that I won't have a good time or a better time in my thirties, but I would like to enjoy what's left of THIS decade. Now typically I am at no loss for things to do, there are usually too many things in a week, but like a true American I am only looking at what I didn't have in my over consumed life and complaining about that. HA!

So today if I were you I would avoid me...my attitude is all the way turned up thinking about my summer night in the bed.

Also, if I see one picture of any of my friends "Getting It In" from last night I am going to..."Set It Off".

Now excuse me while I start my Attitude Saturday off with the clean, crisp smell of Pine-Sol. URGH!

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Cherrelle Feat Alexander O'Neal
Song: Saturday Love

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Changing of the Guard

2010-08-04T22:31:00.002-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Nina Simone
Song: To Everything There is a Season

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 8.2.10-VACAY, CROSSWALKS AND BEARS OH MY!

2010-08-02T21:33:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Esperanza Spalding
Song: Fall In

Peace and Love Candegirl

Get It Together Candegirl

2010-07-29T07:36:00.000-04:00

From time to time you have to put yourself on punishment. This video is all about how I have broken my self imposed punishment. Sheesh!

Now you have to excuse the poor framing in the video I was in bed!!!!

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Babyface
Song: Soon As I Get Home

Peace and Love Candegirl

Learning to Love Number One...

2010-07-27T23:10:00.001-04:00

There are many things people can say about my character that won't exactly be compliments. I know what many of those things would be and no, I am not about to write a list of them for you! There are things that are simply true about a persons character and almost everyone who knows them could point it out. These come in the good and bad variety.

One of my good traits is my loyalty. If I have your back I have it...good, bad or indifferent. Most of this comes from wanting to assist people where ever I can and the other portion comes from the soul depleting quality that is being a people pleaser. I spent many years not being able to say, "NO" and when I did I ended up so hurt that it just became easier to always say yes. Wether it left me out of time, money or personal satisfaction there I was ready to make someone else's life easier.

There are times when you simply need to work on your own life. You can't get involved in other peoples dreams, conquest or problems. You need to deal with your life...YOUR LIFE. This has never been more true for me than right now. For a number of personal reasons I had to take a step back and shed some people and commitments. At almost 30 I am just learning to love me first and to place my personal goals ahead of being liked, being popular or being loved. This lesson has made me grow away from some people and closer to others. I find myself especially drawn to people who learned years ago the lesson I am just adding to my arsenal. People who I probably saw as selfish at some point are now the people silently teaching me to live my dreams.

There came a day when I could tell you what other people dreamed of doing with their lives, the goals they had and how they wanted me to be apart of making that happen and I knew if I asked them what even one of my real dreams was or is....I would get the blank stare or some answer they thought could possibly be correct. I had to move on. I had to learn to work harder for me...

The blog plays a very important role in this mission. I am committed to this. Even when I am not posting I am thinking about what's next, how do I grow this piece of my dream and where can I go for support. It requires much of my free time...which means these are hours where I have to say: I come first.

This is not an ode to selfishness in anyway. I encourage people to reach out and to sacrifice for others when need be, but not at the price where you no longer know your own self worth.

For those afraid of becoming the person who has to say, "No" remember this: The people who love you want you to grow. They want you to soar. When they see good things coming from you and happening to you they rejoice. If you are receiving anything less than that then consider it the perfect set-up to exfoliate a layer of people you didn't need.

I am dreaming for me. I am working for me. I hope you are doing the same.

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Jill Scott
Song: One Is the Magic Number

The Same Damn Thing

2010-07-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

While I like "We Can Fall in Love" by Estelle is that not the "American Boy" beat in the back. Are we out of beats?

Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 7.25.10-Diapers, Dealing and Dating

2010-07-25T15:30:00.000-04:00

Musical Inspiration

Artist: Rick Ross

Song: BMF

Peace and Love Candegirl

The Healer

2010-07-24T10:06:00.000-04:00

Last nights video should have given you a good idea of where I was mentally, check it out below if you haven't. Well I stayed in, prayed, washed my hair with some new essential oil mix and did the thing that always places me back where I need to be.... opened my ears to some GOOD music.

I am a music fan. That could be an understatement I am a musics student, friend and supporter. Music feels good going in and just as good when you are giving it out. Wether through your own talents or sharing other peoples talent with someone thirsty for new beats. I love the feeling I get when I hear a new song that gives me chills or an old song pops up and takes me back to a memory. When I was growing up the first thing that happened in the morning was not a TV going on but a radio in the kitchen. I lived in a house of music LOVERS. My mom and grandpa being my biggest teachers. It wasn't forced but because they listened I listened. My mom took me to concerts. She loved concerts. Mom was your typical soul and funk fan. She loved The Isley Brothers, The Elements, Frankie Beverly and Maze, Isaac Hayes, George Clinton, Lou Rawls and a list that could span an entire blog post. There are family videos of her and my aunts lip synching with full out performances, now my friends know where I get it from! She was ALWAYS listening to music. From soul to jazz.

Grandpa gave me jazz and the blues I often joke and say had I been born in an earlier era I would have died of jazz and alcohol, not sure how but I know it would happen. Grandpa gave me Sarah Vaughn, Dinah Washington, Ella, Dizzy, Duke, Miles, B.B. King and many more. Grandpa also gave me my versatility. He listens to country, classical, gospel and will sit for hours studying a song. I love that about him.

Music can save you. It can move you. It can calm you. From your best moments to your worst music is along for the ride.

So for that feeling of love, understanding and comfort I say thank you to the rhythm, the beat, the instruments that make your face turn ugly from the beauty they posses, the words, the melody, voices, the production and the sheer genius that goes into making great life changing music.

Thank you music.

Musical Inspiration

Song: Always In My Head

Artist: India Arie

Peace and Love Candegirl