Confessions of a Cashier

Foiled Again

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:27:00 +0000

I really don't understand people sometimes.

We had a girl come into the store the other day. She looked around awhile and then ended up leaving without buying anything. Naturally I became suspicious and went to the back of the store to see what I could find.

I found this open on the shelf:

She had stolen a piece of aluminum foil! Now, I realize that it would be difficult to put the whole thing in your purse and take it, but why steal one small piece of it? Did she have leftovers to wrap up and ran out of foil?

So now, we have her picture up on our wall for people we need to look out for because she owes us $2 for that!

I was clueless why she would take just a small piece of foil until a coworker told me that she probably took it so that she could use it for drugs.

Now I'm really clueless. What does one small piece of foil do? Can someone enlighten me?

New Year, Same Shitty People

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 23:16:00 +0000

Happy New Year everyone!

I'm ready for 2012 to start. 2011 can suck it.

Last week I received a phone call asking for the manager.

"I'm the manager," I told this woman.

"I thought the manager's name was Steve," she said.

"That's the owner, he's my dad but he's not here right now."

"Oh, I guess you'll do. I have a complaint about one of your employees."

"Go on," I said, intrigued.

She went on to tell me how one of our employees was extremely rude to her when she was there. She said that the cashier ringing her up YELLED at her to sign her credit card slip and slammed her cigarettes down on the counter with such force that she thought the cashier broke the cigarettes inside.

Naturally I apologized and said I would reprimand the employee. I invited her to come in for a free coffee courtesy of the store and we hung up shortly after.

As usual I never really believe anything a customer says until I verify it for myself, so I immediately went to our security system and checked the date and time that this woman said she was in.

Sure enough, there she was, and there was our cashier ringing her up.

I had to watch the tape about five times to make sure, because there was NOTHING WRONG. There was no slamming of cigarettes on the counter, there was no yelling. Our cashier was even smiling at her when ringing her up!

I did notice that this lady came in with an attitude. She's the one that threw her purse down on the counter and seemed to be all pissy with the cashier. This is also a customer that I've never seen before, even though she said she's always in every morning. Bullshit. I know every morning customer and she ain't one of them.

People, if you're going to complain about one of us, make sure it happened the way you said it happened. Don't fuck around and try to get us in trouble.

Tis the Season

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 03:05:00 +0000

We had an incident last night but sadly I wasn't there. I did, however, see the whole thing on camera.

One of our regulars, I've talked about him here, came in drunk off his ass last night. The first inkling that the night shift girl had that he was drunk was when he ran over the curb TWICE trying to get into our parking lot.

The next was that he parked next to a pump that was clearly out of order (orange cones and bags covering it) and wanted to get gas there.

After being told he couldn't use that pump, he got back into his car and peeled around the pumps until he stopped at another one. That's when he decided to get out of his car, walk over to the broken pump and start kicking it. It was like he was punishing it for being out of order.

At this point the night shift girl called the cops. After he got done kicking the pump, he stumbled back into the store and tried to get some coffee. He ended up spilling it all over himself. By this time the cops had shown up, but they discreetly parked across the street in an empty parking lot so that they could catch him as soon as he left our parking lot.

Well, it took him awhile to leave our parking lot because he kept backing out and hitting things like our potted plants and trash cans. As soon as he left our parking lot, the cops got him.

Good.

I NEVER feel bad when drunk drivers get caught. Even if they are regular customers. Plus this guy always pisses me off cause he's a nutcase about the doughnuts he gets for his church.

I wish the night shift girl would have sold him his daily doughnuts before she called the cops on him, though. Now we're out 2 dozen doughnuts because he's probably locked up in jail.

But, at least that's another drunk off the road. Merry Christmas to him.

Tapper Drama

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 21:53:00 +0000

There's a regular customer that is really starting to creep me out.

I've talked about him before, we call him the Tapper.

A few months ago the Tapper's wife died. I didn't really feel bad for him because all he would do was bitch about his wife whenever he came in. After his wife died, he kept coming in and crying to us about it. I think he came in just to get sympathy about it.

Anyways, I had told him I felt bad for him and said I was sorry for his loss. Well apparently he took this as me having some type of interest in him. Ever since then, I've avoided him and now when he comes in he searches around the store for me.

If I happen to be near the deli counter making sandwiches, he will stand over there pretending to look at something. He never goes near the deli unless I'm there.

If I happen to be filling the cooler he will go stand over by the cooler doors and show interest in the gallons of milk for awhile.

This was a guy that used to get his stuff and leave...once his tapping OCD was all finished. Now he lingers.

The one thing he does now that really pisses me off is this: When I see him get out of his car, he will walk over to my car and look inside. He does this every.single.time.

It creeps me out. I want to say something to him, but I don't want to talk to him. I'm tempted to leave a note in my car window that says "Stop looking in my fucking car, you tapping piece of shit."

But I won't. My dad would get pissed and yell at me. I know this because I had written out this exact thing on a big piece of cardboard and was going to put it out there until my dad saw it and ripped it up.

I'm sure the Tapper is harmless, but it still gives me that eerie feeling. I try to avoid ringing him up anymore. You never know what he'll take the wrong way.

Me: Your total is $3.64.

Tapper: omg she loves me!!

So for now I will wait and see what happens, but if I see him anywhere near me OUTSIDE of work, I'm going to assume that he has now moved to creepy stalker status.

Returning the Cancer Sticks

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:53:00 +0000

A regular customer came in the other day and wanted to return three packs of cigarettes.

"I'm trying to help my wife quit smoking and she went out and bought these here last night, so I'd like to return them," he told us.

Normally we don't return cigarettes because we can't tell where the hell someone bought them and how old they are, but he was a regular customer so we said sure.

My sister walked up to the front counter with the cigarettes to do the return. She scanned the cigarettes into the register and they didn't scan. Since he claimed his wife bought them here, that was strange that they weren't scanning.

Upon closer inspection of these Marlboro Lights cigarettes, she noticed that they had a picture on them displaying some kind of warning.

I had heard that they were going to start putting out cigarettes with warning pictures on them showing what smoking can do to you, but I thought they had outlawed that for the time being.

Anyways, they kind of looked like this:

So my sister turns to him and asks, "Where did you get these?" She had noticed that on the side of the pack it said "Not for sale." I have no idea what that means, since we've never seen that before on a pack of smokes.

"Here. My wife bought them last night," he said, starting to get agitated. The once friendly face was now becoming mean and ugly.

"No she didn't," my sister said. "They don't sell these kind of cigarettes around here."

"So I can't return them?" he said, his face getting beat red.

"No, if you didn't buy them here, you can't return them here."

"Fuck this store. I'm not coming here anymore," he said and grabbed the cigarettes off the counter as he stormed out the door.

What pisses me off about this is that this customer comes in multiple times a day and is trying to scam us. When I did a Google search on these types of cigarettes with the scary packaging, it looked like these are only sold in other countries right now.

Just because you are a regular customer doesn't mean we will return whatever you want us to return. Go back to Singapore or wherever you got these things and get your money back there. Or better yet, people are always trying to buy single cigarettes right outside of our front door, so just stand out there for awhile and sell them that way.

Cashier's Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:10:00 +0000

I don't know about anyone else that works in retail, but sometimes I wonder how many murderers I ring up in a day.

Seriously, how would I know if some guy just killed his wife and came in to buy cigarettes from me?

I see at least 500 people a day, there's bound to be a murderer somewhere in there, right?

And I don't mean the crazies, like this guy:

or this guy:

I'm talking about the strange ones...the ones that don't look you in the eye, the ones that are very quiet...the ones that just buy their shit and get the hell out. Those are the ones that I watch out for. We have a few of those types in the store.

I'm expecting one of them to come in one day covered in blood and wanting a pack of Lucky Strikes, breathing heavily from the adrenaline rush they got from stabbing someone 71 times.

If that ever happens, then I'm out of there for good.

I can feel something strange is going to happen soon. Is there a full moon coming? I'd better put some foil on to protect myself like that guy above. Maybe he has the right idea.

Torani Giveaway WINNERS

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:39:00 +0000

Okay, I used random.org to pick out two winners and those are...

Maria @ NailsMadeSimple.com

and

Katie.

Please email me at admin (at) confessionsofacashier.com and let me know your address so I can send you the coupon. If I don't hear from you within 48 hours, then you're shit out of luck. I'll just go to the next person in line.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And remember, if you happen to shop at your local gas station or convenience store on Thanksgiving, don't tell the cashier how much it must suck to be working that day. Instead, buy them a lottery ticket. Or better yet, THANK THEM for being open and working that day.

Torani Flavored Syrups + GIVEAWAY

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:25:00 +0000

I received these the other day to try out. What are they? Thanks for asking! They are Torani flavored syrups to put in your coffee that are supposed to liven it up.

I don't drink coffee, but I decided to give the peppermint flavor a shot. I love the smell of coffee, but it's always tasted pretty bland to me and I don't like adding any milk or sugar to things just to get them to taste better. Tea, on the other hand, makes me get out of bed every morning. I drink it plain and absolutely love it.

Anyways, the box that these came in also came with a recipe book for things you could make with the different flavors of syrup from Torani.

I immediately went to the "Cocktails" tab and started looking through the recipes for alcoholic drinks. Dealing with customers every day has turned me into quite the alcohol connoisseur. They have a recipe called a Peanut Brittle Caramella that looks good but I didn't get that flavor of syrup in the package so I couldn't make it. Not until I buy the right syrup for it. Hmm...clever marketing tactic, Torani.

So I decided to get a cup of coffee at the store and throw a splash of the Peppermint flavor into it. Imagine my surprise when regular customers stood there and watched me do this and all because they had never seen me drink a cup of coffee before. I make it known that I am an avid tea drinker. And yes, when I admit that I'm a tea drinker, I get a lot of teabagging jokes thrown my way.

I'm not going to bore you with exact descriptions of how my taste buds bursted at the seams while reacting to coffee + peppermint flavored syrup, but I am going to say that it was actually quite good. I could taste the peppermint flavor and it made the coffee taste sweet.

I have discovered since that these flavored syrups can go in just about any drink. One that I will try next is called a Candy Cane Steamer.

But here's the good part! I've been given some coupons for FREE bottles of this stuff! And not the small, dinky bottles, either. These coupons are good for the BIG ones! This is good stuff here people!

To enter, just leave a comment below letting me know if you've ever tried this stuff before.

Two lucky winners will each get a coupon good for a FREE bottle of Torani syrup. Yes, just a coupon. You didn't think I'd send you a bottle in the mail, did you? With the outrageous shipping prices going on these days??

This giveaway ends on November 21, 2011 and the two random winners will be announced on November 22, 2011.

This Guy Needs A Bubble Bath

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 23:15:00 +0000

We had drama at the store the other day....and as usual, I wasn't there.

This customer came in to buy cigarettes. He looked like he was on something because he was moving around really fast and waving his hands in the air while talking quickly.

He paid by credit card and when he was told to "press credit or debit" on the screen, he continued waving his hands in the air until he finally reached down and touched the correct button.

Naturally this scared my co-worker, so she came in the back to tell my dad about it.

As the customer was walking away, he was swaying and almost fell into our wine rack. As he did this, a customer, who was in the store the whole time, got on his phone and called the cops at the same time my dad got on the phone to call the cops.

By the time the police showed up the man was sitting in his car. They ended up blocking him in with their cars so he couldn't go anywhere.

He was acting loopy with them as well and they asked him what was wrong with him. He said that he had forgotten his medicine at home and needed to take it.

Since it was obvious that he was on something, they ended up searching his car. And what did they find?

A prescription bottle with BATH SALTS in it.

I don't know about any other state, but in Ohio bath salts have been banned because just like everything else, some idiot decided that they got a high from snorting it.

So the cops ended up arresting him and thanking my dad and the customer for the "good bust".

Will people ever learn?

One Slice Away From Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:49:00 +0000

We lost a customer's business over 20 cents. Allow me to explain...

I was working yesterday when one of our regulars came in. I don't really care for this guy, he's loud, mean and I've seen him slap his grandson across the face before when he's brought him in to buy stuff. So, not my favorite guy in the world.

But he does come in every day and buy tons of shit, so any business is good I guess. He also asks for a receipt every day. Probably to make sure we aren't overcharging him.

So yesterday my co-worker, Erin, was ringing him up and bagging all of his stuff. He had four bags full of things he bought on the counter at this point. Once Erin rings every single thing through, he then starts complaining.

"Uhh, I was charged $2.29 for this bread and the sticker on it says $1.99," he yelled.

Erin was a little scared of him so she just kind of glanced at me to take care of the problem.

I walked over and looked at the register screen. "Okay, I'll go in and fix this," I told him. I was a little irritated that he pointed this out AFTER she was through ringing everything up when the bread was the first thing she ran through. Normally for a void the cashier has to start over and ring everything back up again.

"Well are you going to give me my money back yesterday, too? Because I was overcharged for this bread yesterday just like I was today," he said, even louder. It was at this point that I remembered how much I hate loud people.

"Why didn't you tell us yesterday?" I asked.

He didn't say anything and just kept smiling. So naturally I assumed he was joking around with me. So I finish correcting the price on the bread and start to walk away so Erin can complete his transaction. By this point the store was getting busy and there were a lot of people in line.

"So are you going to give me my money back from yesterday?" he yelled over to me.

"You should have said something yesterday," I said, smiling. He was shaking his head and still smiling at me. "See you tomorrow," I told him.

"Yeah, no. I don't think so," he said, STILL smiling. "I won't be back here," he said as he grabbed his bags and started walking away.

It took me a second to compute that he wasn't really joking, even though at this point I still wasn't sure because he still had a smile on his face!

"Nope. Won't be back," he kept saying out the door.

After he left I got pissed off. If we overcharged him, why the fuck didn't he bring his receipt back to show it to me? He yells at all of us everyday if we forget to give him a receipt, so I'm assuming he checks what he's getting charged daily.

Why does he think he can just demand money back from us without any proof? We don't just hand money away whenever someone asks for it.

I'm sure he was overcharged because the bread was ringing up incorrectly, but it's not our fucking fault that the bread driver priced his products wrong.

And so now I look like the asshole that wouldn't give this guy 20 cents back, but really I was just confused by his behavior the whole time.

Is he owed his money? Sure! I'd be pissed if I was overcharged. But then again, I wouldn't go buy another loaf of bread the next day so I can 'catch' them in the act of overcharging me. And I certainly wouldn't have a fucking smile on my face while demanding my money back from the day before without a receipt.

All of us are afraid of this customer, because at some point he's yelled at all of us. I used to like him, but once I saw him slap his grandson in the store, I lost all the like I had for him.

We Never Forget...

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 19:42:00 +0000

Well, the customer that stole the propane tank from our dumpster area still hasn't come back yet.

But he will.

And when he does, we'll catch him.

People do this all the time. Especially the regular customers that owe us money.

I once had a customer not come in for 2 years because he owed us for a pack of cigarettes. And the day he came back in again was the day I got him. I even charged him the current price for cigarettes even though we still had his old receipt taped up on our windowsill. The current price was $1.50 more than what he would have paid if he had given us the money for them two years ago.

Some customers never come back though. One of our regulars, who only had one arm, would always come in and buy a can of beer. One day he asked if we could spot him the $1.07 for his beer and I said okay. He said he'd come in the next day and pay us, but it's been about 6 years now and he hasn't been back. I probably won't pursue that one...he probably moved or is in jail by now.

My point is, if you owe your gas station something, they WILL wait until you come back in. Don't think we forget about this stuff after a few years. Well, at least my store doesn't forget about things like this.

Taking Something That Isn't Yours

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 14:21:00 +0000

We have a dumpster area that is enclosed in a fence. We have the dumpster out there, but we also store other things like shelving, signs and other stuff. Sometimes we will occasionally stick things like propane tanks back there if we don't have room in our propane cage.

The other day, a customer wanted to drop off a propane tank and was going to come back later to pick it up. I think he thought he could bring a propane tank to our store and get money for it, but we don't just give money for propane tanks, so he left it there and was going to pick it up the next day or so. So we stuck it outside in our enclosed dumpster area.

Well the other night, our night shift guy was going around and emptying all the trash from the garbage cans. He left our gate back there wide open, which normally wouldn't be a problem because he's in and out of that and then when he's done he locks it back up.

Well while he was going inside to get a new garbage bag for the trash can, one of our regular customers went in the dumpster area, picked up the propane tank, stuck it in his car and left.

I swear we can't leave ANYTHING unattended around here or else some dumbass will walk away with it.

So, now we are waiting for this customer to come back in sometime this week so we can nail him. I would personally love to be the one to do it, but I am off the next two days. However, if he doesn't come in during those two days, he's all mine over the weekend.

And now we wait. Which sucks, but we have no idea what this customer's name is. All we know about him is that he's extremely annoying and is always trying to get his son a job at my store. Why, so he can have his son rob us blind? I don't think so.

I'll let you know when this dickface comes back in. I just hope I'm the one that gets to yell at him about it. I seriously live for this stuff.

Reporting the Wrong People

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 13:04:00 +0000

The other day we got a phone call from the police department and they wanted to speak to my dad, the owner.

So he gets on the phone and is told that a "concerned citizen" called the police to inform them that we are selling alcohol to drunk people.

The police didn't give many details, but asked if we sold alcohol to a guy driving a white car.

My dad looked it up on the security cameras and sure enough, a guy with a white car came into the store and bought stuff. But he wasn't drunk. And he didn't buy beer.

The guy with the white car has some kind of disease where he walks hunched over and wobbles around a lot. I'm not sure what he has, but he's a nice guy and I've helped him out before when his credit card wasn't working. He only comes in to buy a 25 cent Little Debbie snack cake and cigars. He's never bought alcohol from us. I'm actually not sure myself how he's even allowed to drive, but whatever.

So apparently this "concerned citizen" thought he was drunk and that we were selling him more alcohol because all he saw was the guy wobble outside to his car carrying a white plastic bag.

So this "concerned citizen" decided to call the police and report US, but failed to get the license plate number of this potentially drunk person he saw driving.

My dad called the police department back. He was pissed off because they had been accusing him of selling beer to a drunk person, instead of actually asking questions and finding out exactly what happened.

He told the police the situation with this guy and they ended up apologizing to him for accusing him.

Still. This pisses me off. Why did this "concerned citizen" report us to the police? I'm sure there's some law where we get in trouble for selling alcohol to a drunk person, but why didn't this concerned asshole report the "drunk guy"???

We could see this "concerned citizen" on the security tapes, but none of us recognized him and have never seen him in the store before.

Seriously, if you're going to call the police on someone, start with the DRUNK PERSON first!

Bathroom Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:09:00 +0000

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

If you have to take a dump, PLEASE don't do it in a store that has a bathroom inside.

Go to a store that has their bathrooms in another building outside of the store.

Or even better, there's a cemetery behind our store. Go take a dump out there!

I can't stand it when a customer smells up the store with the massive shit they took in the bathroom.

It's hard to get my work done when I'm distracted by my dry heaving.

Plus, I don't like the dirty looks the customers give me when they think that smell came from me. It's embarrassing, dammit.

It's PAY at the Pump!

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 15:12:00 +0000

I've been working a lot of night shifts lately because our regular girl is out sick.

It's UNBELIEVABLE the amount of drunk people that come in.

This past Saturday I was working the night shift with my mom. (She didn't want me working a weekend night shift by myself, so she came to help out).

We had two older men come in wearing tuxedos, and one of them was very drunk. The drunk guy told me that his daughter had just gotten married. So obviously they were coming back from the reception. He was asking me for directions on how to get to the highway. As soon as I knew he wasn't the one driving, I tried giving him directions but he was fucking up what I was telling him because he was so drunk. I didn't really care much, I thought it was funny and not my problem on how they got home.

The two men finally left to go pump gas outside and my mother and I are laughing about how funny the whole exchange was.

All of a sudden, this big beefy customer who was also getting gas outside comes running in.

"Uhh, there's a guy urinating at the pump!" he yelled.

"Excuse me?" I said.

"Some guy is urinating at the pump out there, right by my car!" he said again.

I look outside, and sure enough there's the drunk father taking a wiz right next to the pump. I turned around to go out there and yell at him, but my mom was already ten steps ahead of me.

I followed her outside just in case I needed to lay the smackdown on somebody.

"You can't do that out here!" yelled my mom towards the drunk father and his driver.

"Do what?" the driver asked.

"Urinate! You can't urinate out here!" she said.

"I didn't!" yelled the driver.

"Oh, that was me, sorry!" slurred the drunk father as he zipped his pants up.

I couldn't help it. I was laughing my ass off at this whole scene. First, this big beefy customer is running in our store like a little girl to tell us that a customer is peeing outside. Why he couldn't have said something to the man, who knows.

Second, it was hilarious to watch my mom yell at a customer. She's usually the quietest person on the planet, which makes it even funnier.

Third, all we could think about was how we'd now have to put up yet another sign that says "It's PAY at the pump, not PEE at the pump!"

Seriously, someone get me off night shift soon.

Even Dumber Criminals of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 17:42:00 +0000

You'd think that people would learn by now not to steal from my store, but there's also dumb criminals moving into the area.

The other day I was in the back room and working on paperwork. I was sitting in front of the monitor and just happened to look up and saw on one of our cameras that a regular customer was in the store. At the exact moment I looked up, I saw him shove something down his pants.

So I went out to the registers and stood there looking at him as he walked up to the counter. He stared at me, I stared at his stomach, but couldn't notice a bulge there from whatever he had stolen.

At that exact moment, my sister came around the corner and I asked her to go look this guy up on the camera to see if he stole anything.

My co-worker was ringing him up, yet he was still staring at me and now I noticed he was hunched forward a little. I kept intently staring but still did not see anything, even though I was 100% sure that he stole something. I was hoping my co-worker would stall him to keep him in the store, but she had no idea what was going on and I didn't want to make it obvious in case I was wrong.

After a minute or so, his sale was completed and he left the store. I was literally hopping around wishing for my sister to hurry up and confirm my suspicions.

Just then, my sister came out of the back room and up to me. "It looks like he took something," she said.

I ran outside to his car as he was lighting up a cigarette. His window was down so luckily I didn't have to yell, but I would have been more than glad to.

"What did you steal?" I asked him.

He looked up at me, his eyes squinting from the sun, but didn't say a word.

"I saw you take something, now give it to me," I demanded with my hand out. Still, he said nothing and just stared at me.

"We have it on the security cameras that you took something from the back. I watched you put it down your pants. Give it to me or I'm calling the cops," I said, getting louder.

I could see him softly sigh and then he reached down into his pants. I was sure he was going to pull out his ding-dong and wave it at me, but instead he pulled out a 24 oz. cold can of Steel Reserve beer.

I ripped it out of his hands, not even thinking about whether or not a pube might have been stuck on there. "If I see you in the store I'm going to call the police. You aren't allowed in here," I said to him as I walked away. He ended up backing his car out of the parking lot and left.

Since this guy was a regular customer that came into the store multiple times a day, we decided to look up the times he usually came in. Out of the two weeks worth that we went through, we saw him steal a total of 8 times. And it was always the same way; shoving a can of beer down his pants. When did our beer become buy 1 get 1 free??

This made me so angry that I called the cops on him. Long story short, they ended up going to his house and ticketing him for it. They told us that he's like the town drunk of the city and is always getting into drunken bar fights with people. Figures.

At least that'll be one less thief in our store. But I'm sure 6 more thieves moved into the area in the time it took for me to write this.

Thief of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 01:05:00 +0000

Well, this week sure has been the week of thieves.

On Monday we had a regular customer come in. The only thing she buys when she comes in is vodka. The cheap stuff.

So she comes in and goes to grab her vodka then goes towards the back of the store to buy more stuff. We got busy, and then after awhile we noticed that the girl was no longer in the store but that no one remembers ringing her up.

So I go look back on the security tapes, and sure enough she went behind a blind spot and shoved the vodka in her purse and then left.

I thought she had walked to our store, so I got in my car to go and try to find her. Meanwhile my sister was watching the whole thing again on the security cameras.

I couldn't find her, so after 20 minutes I came back to the store. It was then that my sister had told me she'd ridden to the store on her bicycle. A thief on a bicycle. Seriously?

So there wasn't really anything we could do, but we figured she'd be back soon enough. Some days she comes in three or four times to buy the cheap vodka.

Sure enough, she was back very early the next day. This time my sister got her in line.

So my sister rings her up for the vodka she brings to the counter and charges her credit card. She had also ID'd her just so she could get the girl's information to give to the police.

After the card goes through, she has her sign the credit card slip and then takes the vodka off the counter.

"That was for the vodka you stole yesterday," my sister said to the girl.

The girl hung her head. "I'm sorry, my dad's an alcoholic," she said quietly. However, she said this while reeking of alcohol.

"Well you aren't allowed to come back in the store anymore or we are going to have you prosecuted," my sister told her.

The girl didn't say anything, walked out of the store, and sadly rode off into the sunset on her bicycle. Actually, she didn't really ride off into the sunset, she rode across the street to the gas station there and bought her vodka at their store.

We gave her information to the cops, who went and talked to her.

It's sad to see such a young woman already addicted to alcohol. Sad to see anyone become an alcoholic, actually.

An Innocent Trip to the Store

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 20:29:00 +0000

Two days ago, around midnight, my sister and I were bored and I wanted a bag of chips so we decided to go to the gas station right around the corner from me.

Once in there, my sister went to the coolers to get a drink and I went to the chips aisle. After getting the chips I wanted, I headed up to the register to pay for them. As I was walking up to the registers, I saw a mouse come crawling out of the candy, go up to the registers, run along the ledge and disappear behind the counter. Oh, and it was also carrying a big blue gumball in its mouth.

I stood there watching in shock, not sure what to do. I quickly turned around and headed back towards my sister and told her. She immediately started to bolt out of the store (as she is deathly afraid of mice and raccoons) but not before she stopped and considered the fact that I might be lying to her. So to prove I wasn't lying, she made me go tell the cashiers what I saw.

"Um, excuse me," I said to the lady at the counter. "I just saw a mouse run behind your register there."

The woman looked at me and started chuckling. "Oh, you must have seen Stewart," she said, still smiling.

"Stewart? Is that somebody's pet?" I had seriously thought for a second that they kept a pet mouse there. If so, I could safely get rid of the heebie-jeebies I was feeling. Actually, I wanted to throw my bag of chips at the cashier's face and run out of the store in case the mouse decided to run over my feet or something.

"Yeah, that's Stewart. He's been around here for awhile."

"Oh, well he had a blue gumball in his mouth," I informed her.

She started laughing again. "HEY JENNY! THIS GIRL FOUND STEWART!" she yelled.

Just then a cashier came from the back of the store carrying deli sandwiches. "You did? Where is he?" she said as she looked around.

"He ran over behind the registers," I pointed to the area.

"Oh good, maybe he'll go into the trap over there." I was hoping she'd set down the deli sandwiches, but she didn't, and started looking over at the area I had pointed to.

"He was also carrying a blue gumball in his mouth," I repeated, desperate to know why a mouse had taken a gumball.

"Oh that wasn't a gumball. Stewart likes coconut M+M's," she proudly informed me. So that explained why I had seen "Stewart" run across the candy. He was chewing through the bags to get to the M+Ms.

I was so grossed out that I bought my chips and we left. It was probably out of shock that I shoved all the chips into my mouth as soon as we got into the car and started munching on them. (At least I checked to make sure there were no mouse holes in my bag before I ate them).

I have a few problems with this:

1. They were LAUGHING about it. If we had a mouse problem in my store and a customer had seen one and told me about it, I would pretend that I had never heard of a mouse in our store and I would act shocked and/or disgusted. I would also apologize profusely and promise we would take care of it ASAP.

2. I would not name it.

3. I would put a coconut M+M in the mousetrap in order to catch the damn thing faster.

4. What if a customer bought a bag of M+Ms that happened to have mouse poop in it? They would think they were eating a chocolately M+M!

5. I would definitely not fucking name it. And if I did, I wouldn't tell customers about it.

In conclusion, I will never be back to that store because that seriously grossed me out. I mean, problems can happen with mice and other rodents, but I think it was the way they handled it with me that made me want to never go back there again. How would they like to wake up to a "Stewart" in their cereal bowl?

Picking and Choosing

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:11:00 +0000

We're always taking applications at our store and when we are hiring, we look over all of them and decide to call the ones that sound the best.

A word of advice. If you are putting applications in at places, make sure the voicemail on your phone is professional.

I called someone the other day to schedule an interview and I got her voicemail. Normally I would leave a message, but when I listened to her message, I decided otherwise.

Her voicemail message was of a baby crying the whole time. So instead I just hung up and won't be calling her back.

I think it's unprofessional and it just makes me think that she will call off a lot due to a crying or sick baby. That may not be the case at all, and she may be very responsible and a hard worker, but I didn't get that impression from her voicemail.

If you want a job, don't be an idiot.

That girl just ruined her chances of having the privilege of working with yours truly. Oh well, her loss.

Teenagers Dress Like Assholes

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 18:54:00 +0000

I can't believe some of the things that teenage girls are wearing out in public.

I can't believe their parents let them leave the house wearing what they wear. Although, most of them probably leave the house wearing something normal and then change into their slut-tacular clothing at a friend's house.

At the carnival, at first I didn't want to stare, but after awhile I just couldn't help it. The clothes some of these little girls were wearing was atrocious.

I swear some of them were walking around like this:

Okay, maybe not that bad, but what they had on was pretty short. I have to admit, I felt extremely old as I started to make fun of these girls to my co-worker. Although, I never would have worn something like that when I was their age.

I guess the carnival is the place to be in order for 12-year olds to get hit on by 40 year-old tattooed drunks with no teeth. Because there was a lot of that going on.

I'm honestly surprised I didn't see any of them wearing this:

Isn't that the new fashion?

Life After Hell

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 01:03:00 +0000

Well, I survived the Week of Hell, but just barely.

I've actually been sleeping for the past three days. Yes, it was that rough on me. All of us, actually. I think my sister went into a coma for three days because I didn't hear a word from her once the carnival was done.

I don't know why it's still so rough on us, though. We do have a police officer there now that handles the kids.

We pay the police officer around $25 per hour. We spent around $700 these past five days to pay the police officers.

Pretty much the only thing these kids buy during the carnival is Arizona Iced Tea, which costs 99 cents.

Of that 99 cents we make 25 cents.

Which means, if my calculations are correct, we needed to have sold 3,000 cans of Arizona Iced Tea in order to pay for the police officer in our store.

We didn't sell 3,000 cans of Arizona Iced Tea. We sold about 700.

But, it was so worth it keeping the kids standing outside while only two of the little bastards were allowed in the store at a time.

Plus, our regular customers didn't go somewhere else because this time the cop wouldn't let the kids block the sidewalks to get into the store.

I've got a little bit more recovering to do, but I'll be better soon and back to doing what I do best, which is bitching about shit.

More Carnival Crap

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 09:30:00 +0000

I love how I can just point to a suspicious-looking teen and the police officer will run over and search their pockets.

I wish I could do that everyday.

Carnival Crap

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 13:54:00 +0000

I seriously never want kids after this carnival.

As I've said before, we hire a police officer every year for teen control. Well, these kids don't like that at all, so they decide to mouth off to the cop.

Two kids came in last night (out of the 500 or so for the total night) and were looking around at the candy. Since they were taking awhile, the cop yelled over to them to hurry up and find what they wanted and get out of the store.

So the kid turns to me and says, "Do you have any Reese's Pieces?"

I walked over to the candy next to him and looked but couldn't find any. I walked into the back room and they were sitting back there for some reason. So I brought them out to him.

He looked at them. "Oh, I wanted those really big bags of them," he said.

"We don't have those."

"Oh, well is this all the ice cream you have?" he said as he moved over to the ice cream cooler.

Thoroughly annoyed, I said "Yes" and walked away. Soon after, the cop yelled at him to hurry up and leave, as there were other kids waiting outside that wanted to come into the store.

After this, the two kids left without buying anything. Of course.

So the cop came up to me after they left. "They were planning on stealing, that's why I kept an eye on them," he said.

"How do you know?" I asked. I'm usually a good judge of who's coming in to steal, as I assume all teenagers are in there to steal.

"As soon as they came in the store, I heard one ask the other if he had any money. The other kid said no, and then they started looking around at me as well as you up at the register. So the first one decided to distract you while the other tried to steal, but I was watching both of them so they never took anything. He was asking you for candy but had no money to buy any!"

And this is how it was the whole night last night. The cop would ask the kids if they had any money, and if they said no they weren't allowed in the store. This made for a semi-peaceful evening.

And of course at the end of the night, there was a line of cars in our parking lot. Those were the parents picking up the kids from their free babysitting all night!

I hate teenagers.

Countdown to Carnival

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:04:00 +0000

Well, the carnival from hell starts tomorrow. The carnies were setting up for it last night while I worked night shift. It was very busy, as they bought up a lot of our deli sandwiches, candy and drinks. Busy makes the time go faster, so that was good.

However, the carnies must have been fussy last night. Two of them came in and were violently yelling at each other. I honestly thought there was going to be a fistfight, and I was going to do nothing to stop it. Cashiers need entertaining, too!

I'm not positive, but I think their fight was over a girl carnie.

I thought there was a carnie code that they be nice to each other and get along?

I'll try to find out more as the week goes on.

By this time tomorrow the carnival will have started. 6pm. The hour of doom.

The first hour isn't so bad, because the parents drop the kids off at the carnival and they walk around for that first hour.

It's after that first hour that these little shits get bored and come over to our store, thoroughly pissing me off.

Let's hope this year is better, but I doubt it.

Sluts and Cigarettes

noreply@blogger.com (Cashier) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 02:47:00 +0000

It was a dark and stormy night at the gas station. I was working night shift and not in the best of moods because I was tired and it was probably that time of the month.

Customers were in and out all night, mostly buying cigarettes and beer. I was furiously carding all the customers as they all looked too young to be smoking and drinking.

One particular ho caught my attention. She walked in wearing a workout outfit, but the top of her outfit was so tight that it hoisted her already large cleavage upward and outward. I immediately wondered how uncomfortable that must be to workout like that at the gym.

"Can I have a pack of Salem Light 100s?" she said, popping her gum loudly in my face. Part of the gum got stuck on her lip, so she used her long claw-like purple sparkled fingernails to wipe the stray piece of gum away.

"I'll need your ID," I said, as I turned around to grab her cigarettes.

"Excuse me?" she said, staring at me with her fake eyelashes. It kind of looked like one of them was about to come off and land on her cheek.

"I need your ID," I repeated.

"Are you serious?" she scoffed, still staring at me.

"Yes," I said, now getting annoyed at this attitude from her.

"I can't fucking believe this. What an idiot," she said as she turned around on her heel, marching back outside. I watched as her butt jiggled like lumpy cottage cheese and her cankles screamed with the weight she was putting on them. I could tell those things were going to give out any day now.

As she walked to her car, I saw her stick her body through the passenger side window, reaching in to get her ID. I was worried that she was going to get stuck in her window and that I'd have to call the fire department to get her wedged out from there. Luckily she backed her body out of her window and headed back inside.

She stormed up to the register and I swear the ground moved as she walked. She whipped her ID out of her wallet and slid it across the counter to me. I looked at it to verify that she was old enough. March 3, 1993. 18 years old.

"Are you kidding me?" I said as I looked up at her. "You just turned 18 years old and you're giving me a fucking problem about getting ID'd?"

"I told you I was 18!" she yelled. I noticed that some her Purely Pink lipstick was getting stuck to her crooked teeth.

"How am I supposed to know that you just turned 18? We don't have some kind of database here that lets me know when every single person on the planet is old enough to buy cigarettes," I yelled back. By this time I was mad that she was causing a scene about this and trying to make me look stupid. "You know what? Since you want to make such a big deal about it, go buy your cigarettes somewhere else. I'm not selling them to you."

"Fine, you're a rude bitch anyhow. I hope you get caught selling to minors and have to go to jail," she said as she stormed out, and I once again had to witness her jiggly behind.

Nice comeback, fuckface.

As she got in her car and peeled away, she made sure to stop her car by my window and flick me off before driving away. Why do people always do that? I don't understand? Is that like having the last word or something?