Confessions of a Fatty with No Self-Control

Weigh-in total

2011-09-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!!! I lost 4.5 this week and a total of 12.3 lbs for the month. I can tell that my clothes are getting looser and some people have noticed. I did really good this week but one reason is because I had a bad tooth and haven't really been able to eat.

I just need to continue to monitor what I eat and drink my water. I'm loving the "high" I get when I step on the scale and it goes down. I don't think there is any better feeling. It validates all the work I have done.

This week my goal is to start excersing and to continue to eat healthy and not give in to the fatty inside me that says it's okay to eat it no one will know.

Here's to a happy Tuesday and healthy choices.

Why do I do this...

2011-09-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

This past week was BAD. We had a going away party for my boss on Friday and at first I did really good. I chose the veggies instead of donuts. But after about 2 hours I said screw it, it's a free day so I gorged. I was so sick when I left work.

Then this weekend I went to the store and "secretly" bought a candy bar and ate it really quick before I got home. I don't know who I was hiding it from because it only hurts me. I guess I figure if no one sees me eat it then it doesn't count. I really need to change this thinking but I just don't know how.

So here's to realizing that it hurts me and no one else and to healthy choices!!

Weekly Weigh-in

2011-09-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

I tried to eat right this weekend and I think I did pretty good, but I know that I also either overate or just ate bad things. I tell myself it's a cheat day then a cheat day turns into a cheat week. I have to stop doing that. I need to keep focusing on my goals and how much better I will feel with this weight off of me.

I lost 1.3 lbs this week. I'm happy with that but I probably would have lost more if I would have stayed focus and not give in to temptation.

Here's to a good week and making healthy choices.

I survived!!

2011-09-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

So yesterday my supervisor came down my row and said there were donuts down the cash team row. My first thought was how good the chocolate frosting would be but immediately I saw the donut going right to my butt!! So I continued to obsess about how good the donut would be. I walked down the isle where the donuts were, I walked by the isle like 5 times. As soon as I thought about eating one the picture of my butt getting bigger popped in my head.

I am proud to say I didn't eat the donut and I survived. That is the biggest revelation that I will survive without the donuts and all other unhealthy junk! I'm very proud of myself. That is why I truly believe I'm gonna do it this time because I have made huge strides in the past week and a half.

I know there will be bumps in the road but I can't let those get me down. I must keep on keeping on!! Here's to a safe weekend and making healthy choices!!!

I did it!!

2011-08-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Well made it through my first full week and I feel great. I'm making some very good decisions but also am letting myself splurge. I think that is the key, don't get on yourself for having that cookie. If we don't indulge every once in a while we are never going to stick with healthy eating.

I'm so happy to have lost 4.8 lbs this week. I worked really hard to lose this and it makes all the work worth it. Now I need to get back into walking. I don't have much time to enjoy the outdoors before it starts raining again.

Here's to making healthy choices!!!

ON THE ROAD AGAIN!!!

2011-08-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

Day 2 went really good thanks to tips from my best friend Becca!! On my computer at work every 2 hrs it reminds me to finish my water. I love this idea, it really keeps me motivated to finish before the alarm!! So I was wondering what things do you use to help you during the day?

It's gonna take sometime for me to figure out what is worth eating and what to pass on. I was getting a good grasp on this before I fell off the wagon. I know it won't take that long it's just frustrating that I let myself go back to the old way of eating.

I have a 4 yr old daughter who I can see that because of my choices she isn't eating what she should and that breaks my heart. I don't want her to have to deal with her weight for the rest of her life like I have. I guess she is one of the biggest motivations I have.

Here's to it being the middle of the week and to healthy choices!!

I'M BAAACCCKKK!!

2011-08-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

Long time no post, well that's about to change. So I fell off the wagon after my dad passed away and I started my new job. I love my job and the people I work with are awesome. But, I sit at a desk all day which means I can eat all day. We have snack days or people bring food in about once a week. And just has my blog title states I have no self-control. Well that's going to stop. NO more excuses. So here goes round 2 and I'm going to win this one.

So I weighed in today and I'm not where I started last time so that is good but I gained quite a bit back. So here it is 258.1 lbs. That's okay.

Here's to new beginnings and to making healthy choices.

Long time no see

2011-05-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

Wow life has been crazy the past few weeks. So on April 21 I received a phone call that my dad was being taken to the hospital for pneumonia and for his liver. He has had hepatitis and cirrhosis of the liver for a long time now. So I thought okay we will go see him, just another flair up. But, when they were checking him into his room his heart started acting up and so the transferred him to ICU. We thought he would be in there for a day or so and then everything would be okay.

Every time my dad is in the hospital he will have really bad days but always bounce back. This time was different. He just kept getting worse. On the 26th they told us he was in respiratory distress and would not make it out of the hospital. We were all in shock. We had lost our mom on December 27,2005 and were not ready to lose our dad. He fought a good fight but it was time for him to go see my mom. He has wanted to be with her since the day she passed. Knowing he isn't in any pain helps, but it's still very hard. Rest In Peace Father June 26,1950-April 27,2011.

So that week I received an email for a job that I had an interview for at the beginning of the month. They wanted me to do a background check and a drug test!! So I did those and they called me this Monday to offer the job to me!! I started orientation yesterday and officially start my job on Tuesday!! YAY!! So excited. So needless to say I'm gonna be a busy girl. It's a full-time job, Monday-Friday. I will continue to blog but I don't know how often.

Happy Mother's Day and please let everyone know in your life how much you care about them. You truly never know what will happen.

Love you!! Dance with mother :)

Weekly Weigh-in

2011-04-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Weigh-in 250.5 -1.3!! Very happy with this, but really wanted to get under 250! This is my goal for this week!

So I feel much better about blogging now that I've decided to do it when I want to instead of feeling obligated to post everyday. It really became a chore and that's not why I started this. I started blogging to help keep me and anyone else motivated and as a journal for me. When I first started it really did help me and I enjoyed doing a post everyday, but now it's not so much fun. So please continue to read even if it's not as regular as before. I enjoy reading every one's comments!

Thanks to everyone who reads this and here's to healthy choices!!

Boring...

2011-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm not sure if I just have a really boring life or if everyone else just has really exciting life's. I read other blogs and think to myself "Wow, I never have anything that exciting happen to me". I sit down to start blogging and have to really think of things to say. I don't know maybe I just need to write down everything that my daughter says or does or every crazy thought that enters my mind.

Some days it's so easy for me to blog, but lately I just can't think of anything to say. I guess that's the way my life is going. I'm so tired and just so blah about everything. Maybe I need a change of pace or something. I'm just really frustrated...

Here's to healthy choices!!

Picture Day!!

2011-04-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share some pictures from this weekend!!

My beautiful daughter!!

My sister, brother, me and our dad

The happy couple


I love this dog!!

Happy Hump day and here's to healthy choices!!

Recommitting

2011-04-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh-in 251.8 -.4

Okay...I didn't do as well as I was hoping, but at least I lost!!! I'm hoping that next week I get under 250!! I'm recommitting to exercise this week. The last few weeks I have really slacked off in this area and I know that has a lot to do with my weigh-ins. So I'm determined to get back into walking.

My whole family enjoys getting out and walking together so I need to just embrace that. I feel like I'm not getting anything out of it when I walk with my daughter, but just getting up and doing something is better then sitting on the couch. And it's good for my daughter to get some exercise,too. She definitely goes to bed easier when she has walked.

My goal is to lose 5 lbs a month and the rate I'm going this month that is not gonna happen, I'll be lucky to lose 3. So time to recommit and get down to business. I've also noticed that when I don't blog I lose motivation. I guess I feel obligated to lose weight and be healthy when I'm blogging. I don't know if obligated is the right word, but it helps me a lot when I post.

What are you working on this week? Here's to healthy choices!!!

OH YEAH BABY!!!

2011-04-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a blast (even though I was sick)!! On Saturday we had the celebration for my sister and her husband!! I didn't take a huge portion of dinner and was actually unable to eat the whole plate!! I actually thought to myself, "okay your full so stop" and so I did!! Then came dessert time, I was so nervous about this, but I did good. I let my aunt cut the cheesecakes so they were smaller portions then I normally cut and I had 1 piece and stopped. I'm not gonna lie I was tempted to go back for another, but knew it wasn't worth it!! At the end of the party I wrapped up the leftover dinner and cheesecake and sent them home with my sister!! I've been thinking about the cheesecake since Saturday, but it doesn't hurt thinking about it!!

My husband is off of school all this week, so hopefully we will get some quality family time in!! We got our potatoes planted in our garden yesterday. I can't wait for the fresh veggies!! I'm looking forward to seeing my weigh-in tomorrow! I'm feeling good about my choices this week and I truly believe it was a good thing for me to gain weight, it got me back on track!!

Have a wonderful Monday and here's to healthy choices!!

2011-04-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in 252.2 +.6 and I'm pissed

I'm not mad because I gained weight and thought I shouldn't have no I'm pissed at myself. I relaxed and stopped drinking water, tracking what I eat etc. This was a good reminder to me that I need to be vigilant every minute of the day. There is no not worrying about it for a few days, no I need to worry about all the time. So, I guess it was a good thing that I gained weight, it was just the kick in the butt that I needed.

Sorry I haven't been posting this week. I have this horrible sinus thing going on. So just taking it easy!!

Hope everyone is having a good week and here's to healthy choices!!

Recap

2011-04-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend!! My scentsy party was awesome, got to hang out with friends and we ended up only having to go to Springfield on Sunday!!! I think I did pretty good with my eating this weekend. Of course, I wasn't perfect but I think I did good.

So this week is super busy for me, on one hand I'm excited about it, but on the other it stresses me out having so much planned. But, by the grace of God, I'll get through it. Saturday we are having a party for my sister and her new husband so I'm excited. I have to make 2 cheesecakes for it and that is my favorite thing in this entire world. I would like to think that I'll stay away from them, but I know me and I won't. As soon as it gets cut I'll be digging in. Maybe I should hang my skirt up in the living room so I can see it all night!!

So how was your weekend? Here's to healthy choices!!

The Agenda

2011-04-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

In my opinion today is the worst day ever. I absolutely hate this day. I just don't understand how doing tricks on people is fun and how it became a holiday? I don't maybe it's because I'm so gullible and when I was younger I always got tricks played on me or maybe it's because I can't ever think of any good tricks to do on people, but I really wish I could just sleep through this day!

So this weekend I am having a Scentsy party and can't wait. I think it's just what I need after the week that I have had. Having friends come over and just hang out for the evening is gonna be great!! I don't really get out of the house or really have that many friends so when I get to hang out with the girls it's really special to me. I'm trying to come up with some good snack foods to have that are healthy but that everyone will enjoy. So if you have any suggestions please let me know.

Sunday we have about 200 miles of driving to do around Oregon. We have to go to my hubby's work study site to see where it's at. He has his interview on Monday and then we have to go the opposite direction to Springfield.(not gonna tell you why, don't want to jinx anything!) So lots of sitting, but I'm gonna pack snacks for the ride so we don't stop and just get junk!!

So what do you have planned for the weekend? Do you like this holiday? Here's to healthy choices

Confessions!!

2011-03-31T00:38:00.000-07:00

So after yesterday's heavy topic I decided to just have a fun post!! But, first I want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement!! You truly don't know how much it means to me, so thanks!

I really don't know what to post about so I think I'll do a confession!! Confessions are always fun to do and read!! I'm willing to confess that I hate, hate water!! I know huge right? I drink it every day and always tell people to drink their water, but the thought of drinking it makes me sick. I know what your thinking our bodies naturally need water, well I'm a fat girl and my body needs pop not water!!

I will also confess that I love pie, I would say at least once a week I ask Becca to go get pie with me. Thankfully, she is an awesome best friend and tells me no. I ask her on purpose so she tells me no!! I know there's others that are totally supportive of this journey, but love pie too so they won't tell me no!!

Well happy Thursday and here's to healthy choices!!

The Fight

2011-03-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have fought with major depression for as long as I can remember and today it's hitting me full force. The last few weeks I've been having problems with my anxiety and anger especially with my daughter. It's not like I've hurt her, it's just I hear her talking (she is really loud), she doesn't listen or she gets in my face and I can't handle it. I have anxiety medicine but I hate having to rely on medicine so that I can be a normal person.

I see all these parents who are patient, loving, kind and I'm so jealous. Sometimes I'm that way but for the most part I'm not. I don't know what to do anymore...

I have prayed, I read the bible everyday and it helps, but I guess I need a little more help. I have been off of my medications for my depression for awhile now, but I can see that it's time to start them again. It makes me sad that I can't function without medication, but it's what's best for me and my family. I love my daughter with all my heart and I feel like such a failure of a mom for having these problems. My mom was never like this and I feel like I should be just like her. She loved having kids and no matter what was going on in her life she loved us and never got so angry or anxious with us.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but that's really hard to do. I just hope Erin doesn't grow up to despise me because of my problems. I know that at 4 yrs old she already has had to deal with so much from me and I feel so guilty for that.

Sorry this isn't about weight loss but it's all a process and everything ties in with each other. Here's to healthy choices!!! I love you Erin!!

Enjoy the Day!!

2011-03-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh-in 251.6 -2lbs!! Total of 5.6 lbs this month!! I met my goal of losing 5 lbs a month!!

I had a great weekend, we took our daughter to see the monster trucks in Eugene. She had so much fun!! Joe and I both love going to see them so it was wonderful to take our daughter with us. She loved Gravedigger and the "orange one"!! Orange is her favorite color :)

Sunday I went to church and the message was very heavy. I'm glad that I was there to hear it, but it was one of those messages that you walk away from happy, scared, sad just all sorts of emotions. I ended up with a migraine that evening and have been dealing with that since. NO, I don't think it caused from church!! :)

Today I'm headed to the cemetery to go visit my mom, that sounds weird but I don't know how else to word it. I haven't been there in a while so I think it's time. I talk to her on a daily basis, but sometimes I just need to go to her grave. It's really hard to do but it's something I feel like I need to do.

So needless to say today isn't the best day, but life goes on and it's taken me a long time to get to the point where I can say that. I miss her everyday and to this day I catch myself trying to call her or just wishing I could hear her one last time or just see her smile. I've started talking with Erin about her grandma and that she is in heaven and I truly believe that this has helped me in the healing process. I'm not sure I will ever get over the fact that my mom is gone, but I know that I will be able to not be so sad about it. Sometimes it feels like it just happened but yet sometimes I feel as though it's been years. I guess it's just the grieving process.

I just ask you to make sure that the people in your life know how much you care about them and enjoy every second of the day because you never know what God has planned for you. God Bless and here's to healthy choices!!!

My new gear

2011-03-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

Guess what I got in the mail this weekend? My t-shirt from Running For Him!! I finally was able to wear it today!!

The front and my daughter!!


The back!!

I absolutely love it, go check out the website!! I walk 1.8 miles today in about 40 minutes and it felt wonderful!!! It's a lot easier walking when you have a friend walking with you, it didn't even feel like we walked that long. Thanks Julie!!! I'm looking forward to working up to walking a 5k!!

I have set a new goal for me. I would like to be in a size 16 by August. One of my best friends is getting married in August so I would like to be able to fit into one of my skirts that I have. It's great motivation, I have the skirt I want to wear laying out so everyday I see it and it reminds me of my goal.

Happy TGIF!!! Here's to healthy choices!!!

Wacky

2011-03-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

So I really don't have much to say so I thought I would do a post about wacky things about me.

1. I eat food by two's and by color
2. My toe next to my big toe is longer then my big toe
3. I pronounce the t in mountain dew
4. I always get the urge to open the car door while driving
5. I have opened the door while driving
6. I eat my Big Mac's layer by layer
7. I pick all my food apart
8. I hate odd numbers, but my favorite numbers are 7 &13
9. I say mortorcycle instead of motorcycle
10. I always dream about death

So what are some wacky things about you? Here's to healthy choices!!!

Change of Plans!!

2011-03-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

Weigh in: 253.6 -.7!! Woohoo!!

My husband and I had a wonderful mini vacation despite not doing everything we had planned. So on Thursday we headed to the coast and it was a non eventful trip there. We found our hotel and decided that we wanted to go down to the boardwalk. Well, after we walked around for a little while we got in the car and our power steering light went on and we lost the power steering. My husband turned it off and restarted it hoping that would reset it, but that lasted for like 30 seconds. So we took it to the dealership and the service department was closed.

We went back to the hotel ordered pizza and just relaxed for the evening! Got to get into the hot tub and the pool, man did that feel good, so in the morning my husband took the car back to the dealership and they said they couldn't help him. So we had to come home that day. :(

We still had an awesome weekend just the two of us!! We went shopping and just hung out!! Our daughter had a great time with the family, but she hasn't stopped talking since we picked her up on Sunday :) I think she is making up for the four days we were away!!!

I was dreading getting on the scale today since I didn't think I did so good, but apparently I'm more aware of what I'm eating then I thought!! So I'll take the .7!!!

Hope everybody is having a good Tuesday and here's to healthy choices!!

Here comes the bride!!!

2011-03-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

I was up most of the night with knee pain and when I finally fell asleep it was for just a couple of hours. When I got up I felt pretty good, but a couple of hours later I ended up with a migraine. Needless to say I have been in bed most of the day. Got a lot to do before tomorrow so time to suck it up.

On a better note, I just found out my sister is getting married tomorrow!! YAY!! She lives in North Carolina so, of course, we won't be there, but I'm so happy for her!! She is getting married on St. Patrick's day, which is cool because our maiden name is Lucky!! And my anniversary is on the 19th so it's just really cool.

Time to go clean house and pack!! Have a great week and weekend!! Here's to healthy choices!! Congrats to Kendra and Jr!!! Love you guys!

Here's to me!!!

2011-03-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Weigh in 264.3 -1.1, you know what that means? I did it 10.6 lost so far since February 1st!! Woohoo!! I'm so happy, I thought for sure I was going to gain this week.


Me 10 lbs lighter!!

I went for a walk today with my new pedometer, love it. I walked .91 of a mile and took 2380 steps. Pretty happy with that. Can't say my knee is happy with me but doing lots of ice and ibuprofen.

Happy Tuesday and here's to healthy choices!!

Recommitting

2011-03-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

The weekends are horrible. I eat whatever I want and rationalize it to myself.

fat self: "Oh it's the weekend"
brain: "but you've done so good this week"
fat self: "I know but I don't get to eat Chinese food very often or I'm doing something with my friends I shouldn't have to eat a salad while they eat whatever they want."
brain: "Don't you want to be healthy, be happy with yourself, lose that .5 lbs to get to 10 lbs lost"
fat self: "oh just shut up I can eat whatever I want"

Consequently I'm stressing about weigh-in tomorrow. I know I probably gained back everything I lost last weekend and on Thursday I'm going on a mini vacation. I'm so stressed about my choices this coming weekend and don't want to ruin our weekend worrying so much on making the right choice.

This healthy lifestyle thing is so much harder than I thought it would be. I was doing so good and now I feel as though I have it a brick wall. I feel like I'm letting myself down, my daughter, my husband and everyone who is supporting me. I hate letting other people down. Maybe that's the problem maybe I should hate letting myself down more than I hate letting other people down. Ultimately who is this going to affect more me or everyone else. It's ME!! I guess I just need to do my Whys again and just remind myself why I started this journey and why it's gonna be so worth it!! Oh by the way I've started crocheting again and that is helping with my snacking. My hands and brain are keeping busy so I don't have time or the urge to snack!!

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week!! I'm so looking forward to Thursday and just reconnecting with my husband.