Confessions of a Madman

Sunny Beach - First few days.

2010-06-06T15:03:00.004+02:00

I don't have access to facebook yet but I will soon.

Only pictures this time.

The end of my supreme domination as the towns partyguru.

2010-06-02T12:02:00.007+02:00

I hosted a farewell party this friday seeing as I will leave Sweden for God knows how long. It was the last party in my old flat and we sure made it count.

The kitchen got thrown out on the backside of the building including several doors and other stuff. At one point I relaised that my bathroom door was gone. Filthy swine, I thought. How are the fair ladies gonna use the bathroom if there's no door? So I went out back only to find my neighbours standing outside smoking. They asked me if I had a party. I obviously said yes. So what are you doing out here? Well I just came out to pick up the bathroom door. So I picked it up and re-attached it to the bathroom. I am super!

Someone brought a spray can along and sprayed "Fuck the Hyresvärd" (Hyresvärd=Landlord) in every room and on the outside of my flat door. Pretty much everything was demolished but ut was all for the better.

The day after the landlord arrived with 2 police officers and they took photos of my former kitchen on the backside. I charmed the police officers while i was taunting my landlord so it all worked out very good. I told my landlord that he should've been here yesterdaym he'd never partied that hard. "I don't wanna socialize with people like you!" Fuck him then.

Now it's only 35 minutes till I get picked up and getting a ride to the train. Next stop Sunny Beach!

See ya there.

I have a feelin' that tonight's gonna be a good night (unless the po-po interfere)

2010-05-28T12:40:00.002+02:00

My last party before I head of to Sunny Beach.

I did a facebook event and invited around 800 persons. 50 persons have confirmed their attendance, 80 might come and some others that doesn't use facebook too often have phoned me up and told me they will come. My flat is a 2 rooms and a kitchen big consisting of 57sqm.

We'll see how this will end up I guess. I am expecting the fat one at any minute now, he likes to start drinking early´.

If I and my computer still are alive tomorrow I will update you.

/Hoff

The creative mind.

2010-05-25T22:42:00.003+02:00

I can't stand people that diss others because they enjoy being under the influence. I am not an alcoholic, I just like getting wasted once or twice every week because when you're drunk your brain works in mysterious ways. Personally I've never been a big fan of drugs. I don't mind people doing drugs unless they come across as your normal hobo junkie. As long as they keep it to themselves. Not saying that alcohol is better than any other kind of drug, but in the majority of countries alcohol is the legal drug of use. if you go deeper down the slope it seems like you have to crawl down under a rock to consume whatever drug you choose to use. Crawling under a rock is bad, because you get trapped in a community that consist of people doing drugs, maybe heavier stuffthat you end up getting addicted too. Drinking alcohol is very different though, alcohol is a very social drug that can be consumed in public places.

Anyways to everyone that like to call people that are under the influience childish, let me tell you this.

Some of the greatest music of our time was written by people under the influence.
The greatest journalism of our time was being made by people under the influence.
Some of the best books of our time was written by people under the influence.
Do you honestly think Boney M would dance like he did if he wasn't sky high on cocaine? Gimme a break...
I can go on and on and on.

If it wasn't for people that enjoyed getting wasted we wouldn't be where we are today.
The truth is that when you are unde the influence you explore parts of your mind you never even know existed - you think outside of the box. I think the ones calling us childish are the ones that fear exploring those parts of the mind.

Be creative.

Btw, I think I touched a pair of the most amazing tits I've ever seen the other day. Soon I'll be able to write my book - Men vs Breasts

/Hoff

3 days of summer.

2010-05-24T10:57:00.002+02:00

Been great weather here in southern Sweden the past couple of days.

Spent all day thursday steering up beer(type of)baseball. We ended up with around 20-30 persons hanging out and having a great time, only 12 of us played though. God, I shouldn't have played.. I almost died from all the running.

Friday evening turned out to be great, My friend hosted a party in her new flat and I brought the music with me. Started out a bit meh but once people got drunk everything fell into place. The party went on till about 5 or 6 in the morning. Went to an after party after that...

Saturday and i was a broken man, went down to my mothers place and got myself a tan. I invited some friends over and we had a BBQ. I decided to have a calm evening but I'm easily persuaded. A beautiful girl I used to hit on called me up and wanted to have a few drinks. It's on I thought! So I got over to where the party was and the party itself was rather dull but I had my eyes on other things.

1 week and 2 days till I leave. Can't wait.

/Hoff

2 weeks to go!

2010-05-19T19:20:00.002+02:00

Thankfully I recently sold my virtual currency so I acquired another stash of well needed cash. Unplanned weekend up a head but if I don't end up drunk you may refer to me by the name of Betty!

Big party coming up the 28th of may, last weekend I am home. We are literally gonna demolish my apartment before I leave. Good stuff. If you are nearby be sure to check in.

/Hoff

Hunter S Thompson.

2010-05-16T17:58:00.002+02:00

And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Helsingborg and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

Quoting him, but changing the location and it fits into my life really well.

Without a doubt the most interesting man that ever lived.

/Hoff

Breakfast.

2010-05-16T14:12:00.002+02:00

My head felt several sizes too large when i woke up this morning, infront of me was a plate with some yellow goo on. I thought to myself - wonder what I cooked up last night, looks bernaise sauce.
In a split second I realised that the yellow goo did not belong to a dish instead it was obviously throwups. Glad I didn't taste it before I relaised what it was. I had a good aim though as it only covered the plate. If it had been a contest I would've taken home the gold!

2,5 weeks before the plane departs for Bulgaria the airport in Denmark. I hate Denmark, it's populated by the weirdest people and has the most foul language I've ever heard. Giving me chills even though I'm just passing through - into the heart of Denmark. Well that's where I should strike if I want to beat those swine. Then again, I'd rather just catch my flight and forget about stupid Danes.

/Hoff

Less than 3 weeks to go.

2010-05-14T15:22:00.002+02:00

Time is closing in and I have almost sold off everything I don't need. Except my virtual currency so to say. I gave my landlord an ultimatum saying that if he ever wants to get rid of me this is his chance. I will leave the apartment at the end of May without any period of notice. Needless to say, he accepted my offer.

Tonight i am heading over to an old friends place, not seen him in a long time and he had a boy half a year ago or so. So the evening is gonna be packed with beer and hopefully lots of meat. Dunno if I am going out on the piss later or not. Time will tell.

Until next time, have a good one.

/Hoff

Busy busy!

2010-05-05T12:10:00.002+02:00

I am busy trying to sell some stuff that I don't use and won't need so I have some pocketchange when I head down to Bulgaria. Not that I need the money but it's always good incase something happens.

On staurday morning I am off to Puma Warehouse. They have a big sale and I have a ticket for it!

It's getting close now. Can't wait till the second of June.

Bulgaria.

2010-05-03T01:06:00.002+02:00

I am starting a job in Bulgaria 2nd of June and i will work till late september. I will revive this blog when I get down so all my friends can follow me down there. hopefully there's a wireless broadband connection at the Hotel.

Anyways, the deal is. I am gonna work as a bartender at Kung i Baren in Sunny Beach.
now you're all thinking: What use is that gonna be? He is gonna drink for more than he earns.

the answer to that question is that the job comes with a bed, free food and unlimited free drinks at various nightclubs in Sunny Beach so there won't be a problem.

Laters.

/Hoff

Hoff - The Master Engineer.

2010-02-05T15:05:00.006+01:00

So I was going to talk about breasts in this post. However, I think I need to go deeper on the subject and experience it some more before I can thruthfully cover the entire subject as it is a rather large one.

Seeing as I am unemployed I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want (if I had the money to pay for it). Lately I've been working a lot with my creative part of the brain. And I managed to invent what might be the best invention since the wheel!

My invention is called... Behold!

The state-of-the-art Laserpro Backshaver!

This invention is made for us hairy alpha-male creatures with backs wider than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

If you are ashamed of your back hair, this invention can also be tucked away in the most convenient places such as in a drawer or my personal favourite place.

In the wardrobe!

I am planning to ship this invention out to anyone that wants it, The price is 60€ excluding delivery.

Just leave a message on here if you are interested.

Now I am off to a weekend filled with alcohol.

/Hoff

I desperately need to lose about 20 kilos.

2010-01-30T06:04:00.005+01:00

Well let's go through the evolution of the Hoff.

That's me, 8 years ago before I started drinking like the town drunk. Look at me, I am a hunk. I got laid 5 times every weekend without even trying. John Travolta lips, a very marked face etc. I even had hair like Fabio back then!

So I evolve.

About 3-4 years ago perhaps. I was still quite fit but started gaining weight. Not for the worse though since it was mostly muscle considering what I did for a living. The hair is growing a lot thinner and I look bloated.

The evolution goes on.

This is me, last summer in Sunny Beach, Bulgaria. Swollen like I am about to explode, slightly overweight and not much hair under the cap. Still got the charm to convince most women to jump in the sack with me if I put my mind too it.

Onwards!

Last weekend when I fried sausages. I've lost some weight since last summer but I still have a long journey to go to my goal. I apreciate that I can't do anything about the hair loss and I am quite fine without my hair. As you can see I am wearing my cap most of the time :)

Don't worry though, I still get laid on a regular basis, sadly I can't pick the girls like I used to be able too. And i can't be the deviant fiend I used to be either. That's all about to change though.

Sooner or later I am gonna have a weight-loss section on the blog so you can see if I achieve or not!

Tomorrow I will talk about my thoughts about female breasts, it's a mystery to all men.

/Hoff

Googly, googly, googly begone!

2010-01-27T10:19:00.002+01:00

I am not the usual swine that spill drinks and beer all over a party but it did happen last weekend. I was cleaning up my mess though and instead of having to run to the kitchen everytime to squeeze the filthy soaked rag in the sink I squeezed it in the glass I just tipped over. Worked good for me and everyone else until I asked the group of people if they wanted to taste my drink. A girl that hadn't paid much attention wanted to. There you go girl! I hope it tasted well!

This very same girl was rather slutty and at the end of the party she started ripping her pantyhose to shreds. She came over to the kitchen while I was frying sausages and pulled out a thread from under her skirt and told me to rip it. Being the deviate fiend that I am I was game. So I pulled the thread and it didn't wanna move, she bent over like she wanted it from behind and I pulled the thread with some kind of He-man like kind of strength. She then says.

-That was my panties.

Oh God, I better get back to the sausages I thought, this can get ugly.

/Hoff

Retards and Roughnecks.

2010-01-23T19:16:00.000+01:00

Lots of things have happened since last time. Landlord issues that I couldn't give a fuck about, Drunken mischiefs with "The Fat One" Drunken escapades on my own. Been reading more woks of Dr. Hunter S Thompson, and I am totally convinced that if I could resurrect one person and have a long winding discussion with him it would our very own Doctor.

I did watch a movie that was rather interesting called Zeitgeist. The movie was about conspiracy theories and how the Central Banks in America controls the cash flow etc. Saying that, you should always take these movies with a pinch of salt since they are pretty much angled towards the worse. Still very interesting however.

I hosted a party last weekend and invited way too many guests (as usual). However it was a great party but I didn't end up in any odd situations like I usually do since I did actually carry it on my shoulders to supervise what was going on, and ofcourse some rotten douchebags has to turn up and make a mess out of things. I sorted that and the party went on untill 5 or 6 in the morning. Seeing as the apartment is to be reconstructed people were allowed to write whatever they wanted on the walls. Some funny texts on there I have to admit.

For the record, I have shaved today. I looked like Bud Spencer for better and worse. Bud Spencer is a tough guy and all that so I guess it was ok. To hell with it though, it was too much in the way!

Looks like I might get a job soon, we can only hope. Got fuck all money these days, sooner or later I will have to sell my arse on the highway. If I don't get a job I might just piss off and follow my nose into the blue horizon. Pretty bored of this crap at the moment. There is still snow all over the roads here and it's dead annoying.

The other day I even dreamt that I won 7500$ and that the snow was gone. Guess if I felt rotten when I woke up and realised none of it was true.

Anyways, gotta shoot. Off to a party.

Speak to ya tomorrow.

Dickheads.

/The Hoff

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

2010-01-23T07:11:00.003+01:00

You can't invent someone like The Hoff. He is... he is one of a kind. He is a mutant. A real heavyweight water buffalo type... who can chew his way through a concrete wall and spit out the other side covered with lime and chalk and look good in doing it.

I know I have been major slack, I have been busy doing various things such as reading books, attending parties and playing games. Expect huge updates tomorrow and sunday.

/Hoff

New Years Eve,

2009-12-29T17:02:00.006+01:00

The evening when all the rotten kids get drunk and ruin it for us adults, I have however also been a drunken kid but let's not talk about that.

For me these days it's more about hooking up with good old friends and remeniss. Hah, who am I kidding, I am in it only to get masterfully shitfaced. Obviously the friends make the experience better. This year my dear friend Heacy is hosting the party and I have invited some people that generally doesn't spend new years with us. But the more, the merrier.

So what have I achieved this past year?

I lost my job due to the economical crisis.
I met lots of new friends as usual and went on new adventures.

*I went to Sunny Beach, Bulgaria for 2 weeks and had a blast with all the friends I met
there last year. My feet also transformed into the feet of a 250 kilo woman.
*I worked in Copenhagen where I built balconies but shit hit the fan.
*And then obvously all the drunken mischiefs I've been a part of.
*Probably gained 10 kilos.

What are the goals for next year?

*I need to lose some weight, that's for sure.
*I want to open a pub/nightclub or pick up my studies to become something utterly pointless, but fun!
*I need to get myself an IMAX 3D Theatre so I can watch Avatar in 3d at home.
*Start heading to the gym, the weights at home are getting too lightweight.
*Keep my flat clean and tidy.
*Go to Sweden Rock Festival.

We'll see what happens I guess, working on the flat at the moment and that's a big project to say the least. But I'll get there, in the end.

I wish you all a happy new year and don't take any shit from the swine.

/Hoff

What's the fucking problem?!

2009-12-27T05:34:00.005+01:00

On a scale of 1-10 I'd rate myself as a5 or 6. 6 We'll say, I have friends that look shedloads better than I do but ok, I have to admit it. I have "the" personality, everyone loves me, wherever I go I become the center of attention. These friends though, they have only ever seen pussy on a Christmas card. Sad, isn't it?

I've had more blondes than brunettes, even though I prefer brunettes but I am not a picky person. It all depends on how much I have been drinking, I even had sex with a short fat ugly girl because she offered me 30€. Hell, why not? I admit it, I am a whore but I more comfortable with myself than any of you will ever be. I love myself like you love your wives, parents, husbands and your closest friends.

So how hard is it to get laid? Being the predator that I am, I have learnt the technique and the right words to say. So getting laid is as easy as taking a leak. I could give courses in it for a good salary, leave a comment on here if you are interested and we'll sort something out.

I've recently been developing a soft spot in my heart for someone though, I do not like this since I have no idea to handle it. I am not a relationship kind of person and we were only meant to be friends, but then again, what can one do when we are found in this situaton?

Only truth will tell and I will get back to you on this subject, I can promise you though, the girl in question is a 10/10. I wouldn't settle for less.

I am still fucking sold on "Avatar" I cannot get it out of my head, I have even started listening to the themesong with Leona Lewis just to watch the video. It's not my kind of music but it'll do... And yeah, Neytiri is amazingly beautiful. It does not matter that the she is an animated alien felmale. the bodylanguage and the expressions speaks for themselves.

Here is the video if any of you are interested.

“I See You” (Theme from Avatar) by Leona Lewis in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

Signing out.

/Hoff

Ho Ho Ho Bloody Ho.

2009-12-24T15:56:00.002+01:00

Here in Sweden we celebrate christmas the 24th, the 25th and 26th is big "going out on the piss" days. I will probably end up in some awkward situation or something. So more stories incoming!

Signing out.

/Hoff

The unacceptably drunk finds a Zimmer frame!

2009-12-24T14:35:00.004+01:00

A couple of months back me and my very dear friend "The Fat one" decided to go out on the piss. It started with some pre-drinking at The Fat ones flat.

This man is an extraordinary creature, when I first met him he could only say. Wank, porno, grogg, fat, and the names of his favourite hockey and football teams. His vocabulary is slightly bigger these days so one can actually have half a normal conversation with him.

Anyways, I was invited to a party nearby and I decided to bring this 250 pound drunkard with me. The party was decent I guess, not many good looking girls however. Me and The Fat one decided to take the train into town but on our way down we found this Zimmer frame... Awesome, what is better than going out with a zimmer frame?

Both of us being incredibky drunk, I set the course for the train station with The Fat one on the Zimmer frame. During top speed I hit the brakes and The Fat one crashes into the pavement.

Needless to say we didn't get to keep the zimmer frame, but sooner or later we'll find a new one.

Merry Christmas all of you.

/Hoff

Avatar.

2009-12-22T22:19:00.003+01:00

I have not updated my blog in over 2 weeks, I am a slack and I know that. I have however been busy with other things. I have many more stories to tell you so don't worry.

Today I am not gonna tell you about my drunken mischiefs but instead tell you about one of the greatest things I have ever experienced.

I wake up on saturday with a banging headache from last nights drinking. Me and two friends had already decided tograb a pizza at the local pizza-place at 1pm since that is opening time. The three of us meet up outside then we go inside and make our orders. The food arrives and it's tasty as usual. No normal man can eat an entire pizza at this joint, they are huge. After we are done we decide to hit the cinema and watch this new movie Avatar.

We get home to my friends place and order tickets for the 3D version at the IMAX Theatre. Not having much expectations when we arrived and got those silly looking goggles everything changed in a heartbeat. The screen tells us to put on the goggles so we do. It's a trailer for Tim Burtons new movie Alice in wonderland. Since I am a big fan of Johnny Depp's I already knew that this movie would be amazing but how things changed with the 3D goggles was far beyond anything I expected.

Avatar itself was breathtaking, I was completely speechless during the entire movie. There's an entire world with creatures and vegetation. I just want to reach out and touch these amazing looking plants and animals that never stops appearing on and what appears to be outside the screen. The Na'vi as they are called that Inhabit the moon Pandora which is were the movie takes place are tall, slim and blue creatures with facial appearances that resembles a cat. The CGI is spot on, everything seems so real. The female Na'vi has got amazing bodies just the way I want them, but preferably huuman I guess. And let's not forget about General Quarich, he is an amazing character and evil as nothing you've ever seen before.

The movie itself is a masterpiece but the 3D function just blows you away, it's a milestone in the moviebusiness and like nothing I have ever seen before. The visual experience is so fantastic that it can't be described with words. If you are thinking about downloading this movie I hardly recommend you not too, it's worth every penny it costs to go and see at the cinema and by downloading it you will just ruin the entire experience.

Seeing as none of us can buy a ticket to Pandora, go and watch the movie at a 3D theatre because this is as close as you will ever get to experience another planet.

Signing out.

/Hoff

Beer googles, whale hunts and Hotdogs

2009-12-05T17:28:00.002+01:00

Just came home from the afterparty, still a bit wasted. We men have an extaordinary ability to turn the very simplest thing into the most beautiful thing when we put on the beer googles.

To make any sense of this shit I am gonna start the story with me being in town. I met a girl that I've met many times before but always ignored somehow today she was a fucking bombshell. I obviously start hitting on her and it's not a hard mission, she follows me to the train to then tag along with me home. On the train, thank God. My friend phones me up to let me know that there is an afterparty at his place. "Game" I say out loud and there we go, the afterparty. When we get there I shove my tongue down her throat and tell her all the things you tell a girl to get laid, Easy. Some dickhead (probably me)puts on a a slow song and she invites me to a dance. Sure I think, I guess I have to make some sacrifices to get laid tonight. Like a warm wind from Africa in the face of a human being inhabiting Sweden during the winter everything becomes clear. I look around and think to myself, where am I? what I am doing, and what the hell is this I have in my arms? I tell her I feel sick and sit down. She sits down next to me and all of my friends gives me that (you know what I mean) smile. I kind of stop talking to her, she still sits there totally quiet just waiting for me to go home and bring her with me. I finally decide to hide under a Swedish flag I find nearby.

At that point the time is about 08:00 am and I need Hotdogs! My friend and I decides that it's an awesome idea to head up the supermarket and get some. Stone drunk we begin our small adventure, the girl tags along. When we arrive the shop it's unfortunately closed and doesn't open until 9.... I tell my friend, let's go around to the back and pester these mongs. The girl says no I don't wanna do this, leave then I say and so she did. There's a few people loading off breadloafs at the loadingbay and I start screaming like an utter deviant retard that I am hungry. I sense fear in the people around me and someone throws me a a loaf of bread. Where is the cream cheese! I yell, a man in a blue overall says gimme some money and I'll pick one up for you. 2 minutes later he arrives with some cheese for me and then he sends me and my buddy packing. Mission accomplished!

Well, 40 minutes till the train for the next party departs. Need to get myself sorted.

/Hoff

Why?

2009-12-03T09:46:00.002+01:00

There are many ways of living a life, depending on what choices you make and what goals you have put up. But why is it always that people think I am an idiot when I tell them how I wanna live my life?

I have a few different goals in life and one f them is not having kids and not growing old. When I tell people that I'd rather live a hilarious life and die at 40 than a good life and die at 80, they look at me like I am an alien..

What's so wrong with that? It's not like I am gonna become a murderer or do something unacceptable?

And where's the fun in getting old, just fade away? Hell, the way I am living is gonna stop me from getting old anyways.. The good thing is that I won't have to save up a retirement fund as I will never be able to use it anyway.

Going out with The Fat one this saturday so there is probably gonna be something good to write about.

/Hoff

So how did I lose my keys?

2009-11-27T00:29:00.003+01:00

When I moved in to this God forsaken apartment I got 2 set of keys for it. The first set I lost when i was at the local pub and some older woman that was hitting on me throughout the night stole my jacket, I didn't want anything to do with the hag. Never seen her since.

The second time I lost my keys is more interesting though.
I was at the local pub like so many times before, I want to remember that they had some sort of event there also since it was packed with people. Just before closing time I was unacceptably drunk, picked up my jacket from the wardrobe and dang! No keys.. where's my bloody keys? Nasty thoughts went through my head like a dog on a bicycle. How will I be able to afford to go to Sweden Rock Festival if I had to pay my landlord to change all the locks? Crap I thought, and then it hit me (things you can only come up with when you are under the influence).

I ran out of the pub and to the back, started headbutting the brick-wall and punching myself in the face, there was no holding back now. I phoned the police up saying I've been jumped by 3 guys near the atm machine knowing my insurance will cover it that way.

The patrol car rolls up and they put me in the back for a statement. I come up with a bulletproof story, My phone, keys and camera was stolen I said. They ask me if I have a place to stay for the night since I can't get into my own flat. My dear friend "The Fat One" is waiting for me outside and I tell them I can stay at his place throughout the night. I put my phonealarm on 10am so I can get up early and phone my landlord up so he can sort it out. I wake up and make the call, he tells me he'll get back to me at 7pm. I tell him he better phone me up faster or I'll go medievil on him.

I head up to town and start looking around both outside and inside to see if I can find them, no luck at all. My landlord phones me up saying the locksmith will be there 2pm tomorrow. I start shouting at him and tell him I will kick the bloody door in if he doesn't come and sort it out, he clicks me. So I head home, climb through the cellar window and up the stairway. I get into position of kicking my door into oblivion but being the genious I am I first check if it's open. Who knows? I might've given my keys to a girl and told her to wait for me, I've done it a few times before so why not.

The door is open. THE DOOR IS OPEN! I check inside, screaming hello, HELLO? no answer. Check around and there they are, on the middle of the livingroom table. Problems problems..... My landlord doesn't answer when I phone him up anymore... 11pm and I get a ahold of his wife so she tells him to call off the locksmith.

Needless to say, the day after I ended up in the paper as "Brutally assaulted and robbed near the atm"

Hold on to your keys.

/Hoff

Christmas.

2009-11-25T19:06:00.003+01:00

Been a few days since I updated now, sorry about that but I have been busy with different things.

Anyways, Christmas and winter? What do I think? Let me tell you.

Winter and everything that comes with it is utter utter rubbish. It's cold, slippery, wet, dark and on top of all that there is big fat swine in red suits trying to dress up as santa... I need to put on a jacket when I really only wanna run around in shorts and a tee.. And then chriistmas comes, you are more or less obliged to spend time with your family. You always get dissapointed with what you are given. And it's the same story every bloody year. My mothers fiancee gets drunk and starts ranting about the weirdest nonsense you've ever heard, I pick a fight with him and hell breaks loose.

No seriously, give me a job in a country that's never seen snow. I'll get on the first plane out of this crap.

The only good thing is that I can use my new cap my friend gave me.

Enough about that, tomorrow I shall tell you the story about how I lost my keys.

/Hoff