Confessions of a house officer

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:07:00 +0000

I do not believe in long distance relationship.

I never did.

I am not saying that it does not work.

I am just saying that it does not work for me.

So when he said:

‘give me a chance, give us a chance,

I promise to make an effort to come and see you every week’

He said confidently,

I was skeptical,

Usually, i do not commit, until i am really really REALLY sure,

which i rarely am,

Nevertheless,

It was a miracle, the way we met,

Almost like a fairytale came true,

And God was on his side,

So, i took a leap of faith,

We took the step.

And he kept his word.

Then, one stormy night, after a long day at work, I got his phone call.

…..

She: So, what will we be doing this weekend?

He: I cannot see you this weekend. My brother is back from Singapore. He’ll be here on Fri, Sat, Sun.

And the process of DABDA(Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance) begins:

She (in denial): But you promised. Remember, last week, you promised to come on fri,sat,sun!

He: Yes, but I didn’t know my brother will be back

She (in bargaining) : What if you spend time with your brother on fri + sat, then we can spend time on Sunday

He: No, I can’t

She (in depression) : Whatever, do anything you like…

(chat randomly on something else)

She (in depression + sleepiness) : Do anything you like…

He: I think you sound sleepy. Good night

The next day, having in mind that she better plan the weekend,

she texted : You really not seeing me on sunday?

Then he texted:

[Anyway, I need to share this with you. I feel that you are being unreasonable this time, especially what you said to me on the phone last night. He is my brother and it’s been a very long time that I had seen him. This time he is back just for the weekend. I won’t be seeing him that often anymore. I understand that you love me very much and miss me. I do too. Unfortunately, this shows insecurity, and it is a concern. Probably I had come see you every week and it had been a commitment to you, you have taken it for granted. I don’t like what you say everytime you are angry. It hurts me and I can’t sleep on it. This had been an ongoing problem for me. I need my own personal space. But that does not mean that I don’t love you. I just need some space and respect from you]

Such a long text out of the blue.

Selective reading just read one word: SPACE

A vocabulary so new to our relationship.

This not about this weekend or any weekends anymore.

Had I been so naïve that perhaps He did not shared the same enthusiasm of meeting up during the weekends? Perhaps a person’s joy had been another person’s burden? Was it really that suffocating? Why none was mentioned in the beginning itself?

Was I really that hard to get along? Was I suffocating him?

Is it wrong for a girlfriend to demand for more time?

Or is it better for a girlfriend to not demand at all? And be all excited like [yippie, I don’t have to see you this weekend?]

What type of girlfriend tells his boyfriend: It’s okay if you have not prepare anything for my birthday, we can postpone it next time…. Celebrate it next time…

(still being postponed at the moment)

Maybe I have not much experience in relationships, but I do know one, some problem can be solved, and this one is not one of those problems.

So it hit me hard, perhaps he was just tolerating and keeping it all inside until one day, it all burst out.

All guys want their personal SPACE. I am sure some girls will agree with this.

Guys have this ego and primitive need for SPACE.

And Girls can be clingy, over-attached and demanding.

If giving him mon-fri personal space is still not enough, I do not know what more to give.

Daily phone calls every night before sleep, becomes EOD, then biweekly. Slowly tapering…

Perhaps, it’s Kuala Pilah! Living away from home and close friends making me feel so miserable.Having to adapt all over again. On top of being in a department not of one choice, and having bad bad calls. Now, not even the weekends to look forward to. No one seemed to understand the feeling.

I will learn to be more considerate.

I will learn not to demand.

I will learn to detach myself.

I will above all, learn to let go.

Maybe, some puzzles were never meant to find their match.

Lesson #1: Never fall too deep into a relationship. It is a death trap.

Lesson # 2: If you love something, set it free. Give them space (or whatever)

Lesson #3 : Never, NEVER take family picture with your boyfriend family. No matter how good terms you are in. Even if at that moment, you believed that he is the one. Because, if things do not work out, years down the line, when someone asked : who is that girl ? He’ll have to answer: Oh that’s my EX, the bit*h. And it can be quite awkward.

Lesson #4: Never, never, NEVER book a holiday with your boyfriend 1 year in advance on your credit card. You are no fortune teller, you'll never know what will happen in 1 year time.

So, welcome readers, I’m back to blogging again. I will now spend more time on myself. Perhaps, I have been neglecting my personal space long enough.

And people say girls are complicated.

I think guys equally are.

I did not believe in long distance relationship.

Now, I do not even believe in relationship.

p/s: fyi, he met his brother 2 weeks ago and his brother is looking for a job in Singapore.
p/ss: even his brother once said he loves his car more than his girl.
(perhaps, everything else)

my current feeling.... soooo LAZY.....

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:10:00 +0000

Crazy Marriage Proposal

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 14:09:00 +0000

some people will do anything... really? watch the youtube video below and see.. LoLz

a fallen star

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 11:40:00 +0000

There are things in life,

Things that kept me wondering…

Playing in my mind,

Like a roller coaster,

Juggling ideas, delusions, emotions….

The world is a small world,

A small small world,

And God has his plan, he must have had!

Sometimes, I just wished I knew,

i wished i could comprehend...

There are things I like to forget,

(corrections: I WANT to forget, i mean, i NEED to forget)

Questions unanswered, Yet, I dare not ask,

I hung up the phone,

I knew the answer will be too painful to bear.

In the end,

It is just me,

Me and my stupidity…

Emotions is a dumb thing,

I guess,

When the heart overcomes the mind…

I knew it was all a delusion,

Yet, God knows why am I still holding on,

Holding onto something that does not exist in the first place.

I needed to end this,

To achieve full insight,

Understanding and enlightenment…

I wished those things would not matter that much,

I wished it will all go away,

I wished I would never had to face it,

I hid them in a box, a dark, dark box,

At the corner of my mind,

Yet somehow, like I said, this is a small small world,

With many many co-incidents,

I see myself in the mirror,

I wished it was someone else,

I wished it was somewhere else,

Then again,

God had to fool me again…

Please let me go, please let me live in peace…

Please tell me that it'll all go away, and everything will be fine...

Work, family, friends, health and spirit

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 12:46:00 +0000

For those especially stressed @ work...

When it's off office hours,

Go HOME and SLEEP on it...

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 24 May 2011 16:39:00 +0000

This afternoon, a group of pre-medical students came to our hospital for a visit. They were JPA scholars who came for exposure and to learnt more about the hospital life and career as a doctor.

The ward sister introduced me to them, ‘This is Dr Wu, our house officer here. In the future, you will become like her. Dr Wu, can you brief them about life as a houseman?’

ME: Sure, what would you like to know?

STUDENTS: We would like to know more about life as a house officer. We heard that it is difficult and would like some motivation.

ME: Are you all already enrolled in Medical School?

STUDENT: YES. We are from XXX and YYY.

(Mind: Meaning, those innocent students are CONFIRMED stucked in med school…) Everything that come out of my mouth now HAD to be POSITIVE.

And I couldn’t believe what came out of my mouth next:

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

(very rewarding???) -YES, I said it!!

“You see results, like when you treat your patient, you see how he recovers and goes home”

“The moment when you first scrubbed in, your first baby delivery, holding those little soft fingers, your first appendicectomy, the feeling cannot be bought. The experience is somewhat special and you cannot find it anywhere else”

Sure, I pacify those students, motivate them more than I had ever motivated myself.

“Not just anyone can survive in the medical field. It takes a lot of strength, courage and hard work. If you can survive medical school, if you can survive housemanship, you can survive ANYTHING“

STUDENTS: What about medical school? We heard Medical is all about work and no play.

“Keep a balance between work and play. They say, study hard when you are student, it’s true… because those things you study, do come in handy when we work, especially those at clinical years. It helps in our work. But, endless work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Participate in research, join students association, go out with your friends, enjoy, go travelling, yes, work hard but have fun along the way."

“ when I was a student, I participated in a Student Organization named : AMSA (Asian Medical Students’ Association) and we took part in many activities : Paper Presentation, Poster Presentation, Research, Cultural Exchange,.. We travelled to Taiwan, Korea, Hong Kong,.. meet students from other countries, understand their lifestyle, exchange views, hang out… it was fun"

And those students were staring back, like in disbelief that a medical student life can be fun.

Well, honestly, I did enjoyed my medical school life. The tough days were tough. Where the amount of facts and knowledge we have to study is not counted by how many pages, but is measured by how many feet high is those books and notes stacked up, per subject. It was scary, thinking back. But, the good days were good. And I had many, many, MANY fond memories of my student life. One thing was, I had very good friends. I was relatively active in school activities and student body, so, I had a great experience.

“You guys are JPA scholars, probably one of the brightest students in your high school. But in medical school, it is an all new thing altogether. You will be competing amongst yourself, the best students of the batch. And it can be very stressful at times. There will be two extremes categories of students. Those who just pass exams without much effort, A, and those who need to work EXTRA hard to pass exams, B. You might be in either of this category, A or B, or somewhere in between. If you happen to be in the B category, don’t give up, support each other, and put in the extra effort, you will reach the finish line.”

STUDENTS: How about on-calls? I heard it is terrible,….

“I have to say, you guys are VERY lucky now, as oncalls nowadays are VERY much better compared to those 10 years back, considering that nowadays, we have more house officers. Some departments in some hospitals even give post-call-off! ”

-I cannot believed I said that.

“The more reason you need to study as Students and house officers. The concept is simple. The better knowledge and skills you have to manage a patient, the faster you can finish your work, and the more time you have to rest. But is someone is Jonah, then, it’s just luck. Of course, a shift system would be much better for all of us. Unless the system change, oncalls have to go on. But remember, you have nothing to lose, every day, there’s something to learn. And those on-calls, they make you stronger”

The truth is, there are more house officers, but the work load has became more and more demanding. House officers have more scopes to cover. In some hospital, they need to do double entry for the computer system. Some HO has to function as MO. Some HO has to function as SN and PPK. Work is endless. You are the PPK, the SN, the HO, the MO- EVERYTHING! But of course, I couldn’t tell them that and scare them away.

NEW fresh students, they reminded me of how I used to be. Like a clean sheet of paper, so innocent, so ‘un-touched’, so eager…

When I was at high school, I was motivated by a medical student who came to our school. His name was Dominic.

I think I like this. ‘Motivating’ these young souls. Pacifying them.

And I think that was exactly what I needed back then, when I was in their shoes –MOTIVATION...

Haha, they should read my blog... NO, THEY SHOULDN'T.

MEGLIO - a new look? a new hook?

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Fri, 20 May 2011 11:42:00 +0000

Confessions: I have hairdresser-phobia.

Yup, I have phobia of the saloon

(and what are they going to do to my hair)…

I remembered one of my past experience, which made me looked like Prof Adeeb.

(Link: A binbotic moment 31/03/2009)

So you see, i am not only saloon-phobia, i am also curl-phobia.

So, very often, I avoided the place, the hair saloon,

until my hair gets seriously damaged and out of control, and needed to get some help.

Surprisingly, I limit my visits to the saloon to about 1-3 times a year only (hehe)… shhhh,…..

So, this time, we hair was too long, with split ends at the ends, so, it left me no choice,… but to visit my greatest fear, again…

BEFORE:

(long straight hair)

I wanted to go to Korean Village, Park Chul Hair Dresser, or Oh Jun Hair Salon (near Ampang Point) the week before (as recommended by ShinLoo), but the place was closed.

So, when I came back to work in Melacca, my friend, Lui, she recommended this place : MEGLIO at Melaka Raya. Many of my friends have their hair done there, so, it was ‘suppose’ to be good. I guess. Lui suggested this guy, ANDY, who did her hair and my other friends’ hair.

When I first when to Maglio, I went up a flight of stairs, only to find myself in front of a bunch of students, cutting hairs for the first time. In disbelieved, I wondered - My friend recommended this place? Later I found out that it was the MEGLIO ACADEMY , where students cut your hair for a VERY cheap price. Thank God, I was directed to the REAL MEGLIO SALOON next door, or else, I might be making the greatest mistake of my life.

When I met ANDY for the first time, he was very friendly, and he put me at ease. He offered me a free consultation session, explaining to me about different kinds of styles, and those which suits me. He asked about my background, my job, carreer, how much can I change my hairstyle… etc…

According to ANDY, there are FOUR types of hairstyle:

FRESH
SWEET
COOL
FEMININE (MATURE)

I was told that my face shape belonged to the FRESH / SWEET category.

He said he wants to change my outlook, and he guarantee satisfaction.

He said, if I am brave and daring enough, he’ll like to give me some bangs (fringe). He said, that it’ll help to make the eyes look bigger and brighter.

Being kiasu or what-not, I accepted the challenge. I was hooked.

Which I kinda regret a little later, as it was a little too childish for me. But, oh well, it’s now or never.

And so, I had fringe.

ANDY was a very observant person. When he realized, i wasn't reading the magazines he provided, he asked, do i prefer English magazines? and offered a changed...

As time was getting late, Andy said, " This will take a while. Have you have your dinner?'

I gently shake my head. -no-

"You must be hungry, I'll get you something"

So, he made some hot chocolates and offered some cookies. ^^

I like a place with good service...

I wanted fringe with straight hair, but he insisted that I curl them.

I shared my previous bad experience with curls,

He said, he'll do it differently.

He asked me to trust him.

He said, “You have to trust me. I cannot perform my best if you give me limitations. You need to believe in me, and I will give you satisfying results, I will give you a great hairstyle, a great outlook.”

He seemed so confident. High self-esteem and ego.

And so, I just gave in. I was hooked, again.

* applied LOREAL hair curl chemical*

He used some huge curls and gave me a digital perm.

There was so many wires attached to my head.

And Oh Boy, it was hot.

They used some thick paddings so not to burn me (and my scalp)

In the end, i looked like a cartoon doll with ROBOCOP HEAD

Finally, 20minutes is up, the sufferings end, and the solution washed off...

Last trimming and blow-dry

ANDY recommanded this:

1. REDKEN ringlet 07 curl cream

2. KERASTASE Oleo Curl Nutritive

I would say, he's a good salesman

So, finally:

TA-DA!!

And this is ANDY

Thank you for the new hairstyle

And i took this with my WEBCAM

MEGLIO
ANDY Seet (Stylist / Color Master)
06-2861119(for appointment) /06-2831119
No G-1, 1-1, 2-1, 3-1,
Jalan PM2,
Plaza Mahkota,
75000 Melaka

Operating hours: 11:00am-8:30pm
Closed on Wednesday

A CALL WITH A FANTASTIC MO

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:34:00 +0000

*Disclaimer: Cerita ini cuma rekaan semata-mata, tidak berkaitan sama ada dengan yang hidup ataupun yang mati* This is a fiction story, not related to anyone dead, or alive.*

I remembered I used to read Darren’s blog on how miserable calls can get when you get ‘certain’ HO who calls you for many reasons. Sometimes, things can be the otherway round.

DARREN’s :

Most of the time, your call's quality largely depends on whom you're working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable helper would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of the calls that MO received from a HO during an on-call night... (click to continue reading)

QUOTE:

Most of the time, your call’s quality largely depends on whom you’re working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable boss (who makes good and quick decisions) would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of calls that HO received during an on-call night…

*phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 2:37am:

HO#1: hello??

HO#2: Hello, I need your help with a branula.

HO#1: Okay

HO#2: I was trying with MO for a very long time already but still cannot get venous access. Can

you come to HDW to set a neck line?

HO#1: What? You are with an MO and can’t get a line? What case is it? How is the patient?

HO#2 briefly present the case.

HO#1: Okay, I am coming.

Upon arrival, patient was a C5-C6 compression fracture patient with C5 cord injury, ventilating on trachy. BP falling. Has one IV access. MO miserably trying to set another peripheral line.

MO: Good, you are here. This patient very hard to get line. You need to set a neck line.

HO#1: Isn’t he on inotropes, shouldn’t we insert a triple lumen?? (central line)

MO: You can insert a triple lumen?? I mean, can you insert? If not, we can call GA MO to insert.

HO#1: Okay, I’ll try.

Coagulation profile normal, in view to keep the neck in neutral position and not flex the neck, HO#1 decided for a subclavian approach.

HO#1 attempt failed.

HO#1: I think someone else should try. (Hoping that the MO will take over)

MO: Hmm… let’s call the GA MO to help. I'm not very good with lines.

HO#1: Okay. Please do then.

MO: Ermm… could you talk to the GA MO?

Apparently, the GA MO on-call was well known to be very ‘fierce’ and the MO had some unpleasant previous history with the GA MO.

SN took a peep next door: The GA MO is very busy in ICU, attending to a collapse patient.

Having no choice, HO#1 kept her fingers crossed and said: Very well, I’ll try again

*Thank God, Left Subclavian Central line inserted successfully, anchored at 15cm, no acute complication, good flow. Placement confirmed with VBG and CXR. Bloods sent for investigation. Patient resuscitated with fluids and inotropes, BP picked up and patient stabilized.

After documentation, the SN asked: Siapa HO#1? Specialist ke??MO ke?

.....silence....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASE II, later that morning,

* phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 6:45am:

HO#1: Hello? I am reviewing patient, anything?

HO#3: Hello, there is a patient in wardXXX who collapsed. Asystole. I informed MO already, she asked me to ‘buat apa-apa yang patut’ and ask you to come stat. I tengah CPR now.

*Upon arrival stat, HO#3 was performing CPR, SN bagging, MO holding mask.

MO looked at HO#1 with an anxious face and said: HO#1, you boleh intubate patient, kan?

*HO#1 almost fainted when heard that. ^^|||

HO#1: SN, cepat prepare intubation set. ETT size 7 and 6.5. Prepare blade, suction. Prepare Midazolam 5ml.

SN: Kena buka DDA ni …. (FAINT~!)

HO#1: Student nurse, tau bagging?

Student nurse 1: YA

HO#1: pakai gloves, ambil alih tempat SN. SN prepare for intubation.

SN kelam-kabut, busy preparing the equipment and drug.

HO#1: How’s the patient? What happened? (HO#1 asked while putting on gloves and mask)

MO: I tak sempat access lagi

HO#3: Patient asystole, pupils dilated, BP unrecordable,..

HO#1 quickly accessing the patient and asked: How long CPR?

HO#3: about 15 minutes

HO#1: What was given? How many atrophin , adrenaline?

MO quiet (…)

HO#3: None given.

HO#1: SN2, syringe out adrenaline and atropine, give 1 atrophic, 3 adrenaline.

Apparently, SN2 was so slow… HO#1 started breaking the ampules and syringed out herself and gave the drug while the SN prepare intubation set. HO#1 took over MO position and intubated the patient. Condition was bad. More Adrenaline and atrophin given, still no response.

HO#1: Ada siapa-siapa call medical? call relative?

SN: No.

HO#1: Make sure panggil. Suruh SN3 yang tengah serve ubat kat tu call.

After 45mins CPR still no response.

HO#3: MO, do you still one to proceed?

MO: Huh? Kita dah buat semua kan? Ada ape-ape lagi?

HO#3: MO, do you think we should pronounce death?

MO: Erm…

(pause…)

MO: Okaylah

*documentation done*

HO#1: What’s the cause of death?

MO: Kena bagi cause of death ke?

HO#3: I think it is APO secondary to CCF and CRF. Maybe it’s time to call the medical team and our specialist to discuss.

MO: Okay.

After discussion: Cause of death: Acute Pulmonary Edema secondary to CCF

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORAL OF THE STORY: Dear HO colleagues, HO life is not all fun and relax. Sure, we will always be covered by MO, but remember, we will become MO (or even specialist) one day. It is very important to learn the most from your housemanship days. Otherwise, it will be regrettable.

And NEVER EVER GIVE INSTRUCTIONS: buat apa-apa yang patut.
Do ask what has been done, and give further plans of what else can be done while you are on your way to see the patient.
When a HO calls his MO, means he needs help. (or he needs to be covered)
Imagine documenting :
S/T DR XXX, case and progress and Investigation noted. Plan: To carry out all necessary procedures. (apa-apa yang patut?)

Please, be a safe doctor.

HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 10:23:00 +0000

WORLD HISTORY:
The Songkran festival (Thai: สงกรานต์, from Sanskrit saṃkrānti,^[1] "astrological passage") is celebrated in Thailand as the traditional New Year's Day from 13 to 15 April. It coincides with the New Year of many calendars of South and Southeast Asia.

The most obvious celebration of Songkran is the throwing of water. Thais roam the streets with containers of water or water guns (sometimes mixed with mentholated talc), or post themselves at the side of roads with a garden hose and drench each other and passersby. This, however, was not always the main activity of this festival. Songkran was traditionally a time to visit and pay respects to elders, including family members, friends, neighbors, and monks.

(source: wikipedia)

OUR HISTORY:

13 APRIL 2009, BANGKOK : We celebrated the Thai New Year with water splashing, water guns and white powder.. there was live bands, and even the fireman involved!! wow!! an awesome experience!!!

All messed up from Songran!!
Btw, Songkran or Thai New Year is celebrated with water splashing.. the streets were filled with people splashing water, shooting with waterguns, and wiping each other faces with white powder...

all messy and dirty...

more amazingly, there were even live bands and the firemens participating in this grand event in silom street and khaosan street!! but we didnt manage to capture them on film... need a waterproof camera for that, haha!

happy songkran = THIS GUY CARRIES A HUGE WATERGUN, BEWARE!!

the cars and taxis were not left out... tuk-tuks passengers were all wet!
i remember leaving finger prints marks on every car we saw, wahaha!! happy songran festival!!

Songran festival: people equiped with water guns and pails of water... even on vehicles.. searching for victims.. noone is spared!

So, everyone, wishing you a good HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

If you are planning a water party, count me in! ^^

Katy Perry - Firework (inspiring lyrics)

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 15:09:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Dear diary,

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 12:29:00 +0000

Dear diary,

I had been rather depressed (correction: emotional) for the past week. It is a feeling that is rather hard to express. I wanted to get a drink, maybe to chill out and relax, to forget everything, yet, I couldn't.

That was when I realized, I had no one here to turn to.

I DO NOT BELONG HERE.

I am not the sociable kind of person.

I am not friendly.

I am not histrionic.

I do not open up easily to a friend, it takes time, time to build trust and comfort.

(at least in my case)

So, I had to pay for the consequences for being who I am.

I had a problem with adaptation. I always had. When I move to a new place, I would try to run away from it.

I dread being in a new place. It gives me no comfort, that new place.

Maybe it was partly because of my childhood memory, the time when I was 9 year old, and my family decided to move from Subang Jaya to Seremban. I was suddenly told that I had to leave. I resented it. And No, I had no vote in it. And I left, without a word or notice.

So, each time I go somewhere new, I get the same feeling all over again.

When I first shifted to Seremban, I resented it in my new primary school. I was exceptionally quiet – according to my report card. When I entered university, same resentment. And when I came to Melacca- resentment.

I hate it that everytime, when I reach a comfort zone, I had to leave.

And here, I am unsure, whether I have found my comfort zone.

Funny, being nearly two years here in Melaka,.. I had not one person to turn to in times of sadness.

I just could not open up. (it’s not them, it’s me) Friends here are cool, nice, but just, we do not talk feelings. We are lunch partners, dinner partners, shopping-partners, movie-partners, bowling-partners, happy-times-partners. They see me as a happy person, having a good career, a good family, a good boyfriend. Even when my world turns up-side-down.

Perhaps, it is because, at every opportunity, I ran home. When it is the weekends, even when I am post-call, tired and sleepy, I grab the keys and drive. I had to. I just had to get out of here. I missed my high school days and university days, those times that we can talk about almost anything.

I DO NOT BELONGED HERE.

IT IS TIME TO DECIDE, TO STAY OR TO MOVE.

I know I will miss my happy-times-partners…. And I feared again, the need to adapt again, the resentment.

My mum said, this is the circle of life, friends come and go. And I noticed, my mum is so occupied with work and family, she never meets up with any of her old friends. ‘we lost touch’ – she said.

It makes me wonder, will I be like that when I grow older, reach forties.

I think mum is a very strong women.

And I, I am not as strong as her.

I needed friends, close friends, the happy-times-and-sad-times-friends.

Just in case, if things did not turn out well, I needed something to fall on.

Love isn’t everything, Work isn’t everything, Then, WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 13:30:00 +0000

They say,

Love isn’t everything,

Work isn’t everything,

Then, WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

Say we wake up at 6 in the morning, get to work at 7, plus minus the traffic jam, starts work at 8am, be very lucky enough to leave at 5pm, reach home in more or less 6pm… that is like 7am-6pm, which makes about 11 hours which is 45% of our day (11 out of 24 hours), EXCLUDING on-calls, studies, etc… furthermore, if we were to minus 8 hours of sleep, our job makes up 68% of our life… (i know, it is a sad fact, isn't it)

So, whatever JOB we choose, seriously, we MUST LOVE (LOVE, not just like, yes, deep-down-inside-L-O-V-E) it, right???

Then, we get home, we spend the remaining 13 hours with our love ones, whether friends, family, or the other half… laughed about what happened at work... share each other's experience, give each other comfort, give each other a pat in the shoulder, encouragement, love, smiles, support, surely, we SHOULD have a home to get back to, shouldn’t we? shouldn't we enjoy the other part of life to the fullest??

So, if we were to have a life partner, we SHOULD LOVE (LOVE, not just like) him (or her), right???

Imagine, if you had to remove that first half… so like I had to go to work, doing something I don’t like, 11 hours a day, for lets say, the next 2 years… how would it feel like?? Living that daily routine, dreading to get up for work, being blue all mondays and throughout the week.... Horrible. ain't it??? Well, at least I get to come home to people I loved… maybe that will make up for the 45% of the day, maybe not enough...

On the other hand, imagine, if you keep the first, and remove the second half… so like, I do something I like very much, live my passion, follow my dreams… but at the end of the day, I come home to an empty rented home… cuddle myself to sleep, treat myself when ill, dapao food home or called for delivery, watch VCD on my laptop until i doze off, … is that happiness?

So,

when forced to make a decision,
i was torn apart between two worlds...

So,

when forced to make a decision,

I asked,

WHY CAN’T WE HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS??

WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

so, we live only once, heck it!

BABIES DO NOT GROW ON TREES. PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 15:39:00 +0000

I was on call in the operating theater (OT) last night.

It was quite an eventful night. Very taxing, both physically and emotionally.

Then, there was this case which was put up at about 4am in the morning.

There was this 4 year old boy, let’s call him XY, 13 kg, with total amputation of the left middle finger and amputation of the tip of the 4^th finger with open fracture of the middle phalanx. Are they going to resuture the finger? – I asked Khalidah. She was not sure either.

The child arrived at the OT. Small and fretful. I could not imagine how mischievous he might have been, to be involved in such accident. He held on to his mother.

Further history from the mother, XY was playing alone when his hand, in her very own words, ‘tersepit kat pintu’. How did it happened?? I blurred, she replied ‘tak tahu lah’. DENIAL. I quickly ran through some short medical and surgical history and examined the child, then pushed him to OR6. (Operating Room 6).

The child was put under general anesthesia and the orthopedic team planned for a refashioning on his fingers, which means, no they were not going to reattach his fingers. This was obvious right from the start – we did not have a hand surgeon in hospital Melaka.

I went through the case notes later, only to discover the hidden agenda. The child was the youngest out of 4 sibling. He was playing alone at home, at the door, when the accident happened. His parents brought him to the hospital only FOUR hours later. The ortho team initially planned to refer and transfer them to Hospital Serdang for reattachment, however, the parents refused for referral because of ‘domestic issues’.

WTF!

I mean it is difficult to salvage a finger which had been amputated for 4 hours, but if you were the mother, and you know that your kid still have a chance to reattached the amputated limb, wouldn’t you go all out??? And they say mother’s love is the greatest love of all… I cannot be too sure. His father wasn’t around for opinions either. Just because you think you can have as many babies as you like, it does not mean you get to neglect them.

BABIES DO NOT GROW ON TREES.

PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

It pains my heart so very much when seeing incidents like that. What if the child grew up and wanted to be a surgeon? What if he wanted to be a pianist? Of course, there is prosthesis and all, but why not give him a chance? It is such a sad story….

To add salt to the wound, rub it in, there was another unfortunate case last night, following that case. 10 year old girl, let’s call her XX, came with amputated right ring finger, case put up by orthopeadic team for refashioning of finger. From the history, it was an accident, the child was riding on a bicycle when her finger caught between the wheel and amputated. I feel sorry for the girl. She would never wear her wedding ring perfectly again. It is so sad.

I think I will not like my next houseman posting – orthopeadics. It is a ‘BRUTAL’ department, I think, with lots of amputations which I could not bear to see. Amputation of finger, or fingers, toes, limbs, BKA, AKA, etc…. I wonder how would I ever survive the OT then.

My GA MO, Soon, newly wed last month, apparently, he shared similar opinions, he said disappointedly, ‘I really cannot understand these parents, how could they leave their kids like this’.

I replied, ‘Soon, when you have kids, please take good care of them’

i think parent-ship can be one of the biggest challenges...

sometimes, i wonder how my parents did it...

they must have been like SUPER MOM and SUPER DAD...

how i missed you...

will be home soon...

(p/s: names and demographic data had been modified to preserve confidentiality)

GOODBYE 2010, HELLO 2011... reflections

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:32:00 +0000

FINALLY, another year had passed... and we are one year older, one year wiser, and perhaps we should count ourselves lucky that we had survived another year, made it through... while some others didn't. Working in a hospital, what more the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), kind of made me appreciate life more... now that i'm seeing death almost every day of my life... informing DIL to nearly half the patients in the ward... yup, it's a sad place, and we should appreciate every single day...

Last year, i made some reflections on the year 2009.... and this year... i think i shall make it a tradition, to reflect back again... to appreciate the gains,... acknowledge the loss... be stronger,... set new goals... and look forward for a better, brighter, if not happier, future... ^^ let's cherish and celebrate the new year together! ^^

2010 has been very eventful and fruitful for my life as a house officer in Hospital Melacca.

i remembered the girl with the ectopic pregnancy which came during my oncall with Dr Kuharaj...where the patient lost over 3 liters of blood... it keeps bleeding and pouring... Thank God, she was managed to be saved.... (read more in together, we can make a difference)

Then, there was the time i entered the houseman-greatest-feared-posting-in-hospital-melacca when i was VERY convinced that my boss loved my very much... and sometimes, i get a little demotivated as i slaved myself day and night... until one day, something GREAT happened... and changed everything.... and Dr Mitesh made it possible when i did my first skin-to-skin appendicectomy...

I entered peadiatrics.... and i learnt some interesting, yet sad stories.... and worked on every Raya Day...

and then came GA, General Anaesthesia where i actually get to do my very first spinal anaesthesia and it was AWESOME!

Well, apart from work, i did find something else...

I got very, Very, VERY CONFUSED at first....

some days could be depressing....

until finally, i found my LOVE-AT-First-Sight....

and that changed everything...

OH YES, not to forget, i had an AWESOME BIRTHDAY this year...

although i did not yet all that i've wished for...

i had a GREAT celebration with FAMILY and FRIENDS.... ^^

i got to spent it with a special someone this year.... and had some happy moments....

i keep myself reminded of my loved ones at home... my parents whom i loved very much...

Reminiscing the past made me missed my friends very much... the times we spent on the rocks.... the fun we had at SongKran Festival, Bangkok...

oh YES, i also had some BOUTS OF PATRIOTISM....

and then i stopped at a COMMA.... and did a reflection....

Looking back, i think, generally, i had a great year... ^^

the commas in life

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 13:13:00 +0000

Uncertainties…

Life is a mystery
But a mystery can be solved
Well, Life’s mystery can’t
Which of course, complicates things further…

I cannot understand my very own life,
What more, to look out my life,
Or even bother to understanding other’s people life…

Sometimes, life feels like a [full stop]
Yeah, a [full stop]
Like it has all come to an end
And it is very VERY difficult to start a new sentence..

But my life,
At this point in time,
Maybe it feels like a [comma]
Yeah, a [comma]
Like waiting for something BIG to happen

I anticipate, yet I fear…
I fear of it being too BIG to handle
I fear it being a disappointment
And I drowned myself with millions of [what Ifs]
And then I start hitting the [backspace] button
Searching for the [delete] and [edit] key
But somehow,
Somehow, life does not allow that.
No, it does not.
Life just does not work that way.

So, long I stood,
There,
Just before the [comma]…

Pencil vs Eraser

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 01:23:00 +0000

Pencil: I'm sorry.

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt because of me.
Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it.
But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself.
You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That's true.
But I don't really mind.
You see, I was made to do this.
I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong.
Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job.
So please, stop worrying.
I hate seeing you sad. =)

I received this from and e-mail and found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational, therefore, sharing it with you guys...
Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil.
They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes.
Sometimes along the way they get hurt and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on).
Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying or sad.

Thank you MUM & DAD... i love you very much.....

Let's celebrate our parents... glorify them... appreciate them.... and above all, love...

Thailand trip - Bangkok, Pattaya,Ayuthaya 2008

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 01:19:00 +0000

Those sweet memories i didn't had the time to blog about... or rather the procrastination kicks in... but looking back, we did had a great time... i went to Bangkok for a vacation during my 4th year medical school during our semester break.. went there with KitJing & sis, Queen, Scent and visited my good friends Nic, Ayuii & Golf... It was songkran festival, the water festival... it was so fun,.. and we got all wet...

missed them!

on the rocks...

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 12:23:00 +0000

i guess everyone has a rock story...

and this post is about being on the rocks...

like totally literally...
and no, it's not just about drinking...

and totally jiwang-ly...

saja...

Audrey on the rocks..

shinyin on the rocks...

kitJing on the rocks...

kitJing & shinyin on the rocks...

kitJing on the rocks...

kitJing & shinyin on the rocks...

cherryQueen & kitJing on the rocks...

cherryQueen on the rocks...

kitJing on the rocks...

cherryQueen on the rocks...

cherryQueen & balaK on the rocks...

balaK on the rocks...

kitJing on the rocks...

togather-gather on the rocks...

i know, this post a little fei.. but i memang feeling damn sien ma..

p/s: if you have a rock picture that you'll like to share, kinda inform me, i'll be glad to add them to the rock collection.. hehe... after all, life is sien, so why not?

My first Spinal Anesthesia Experience

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:10:00 +0000

‘First give-PUSH, Second give- STOP’

The thoughts rolled through my mine, repeatedly, again and again, as I scrubbed my hands. It had been quite a while since I last scrubbed into the OR. My head goes through the process again, picturing myself doing it. Briefly, swiftly. I have seen this many times, I can do it – I tried to deceive myself, or rather, encourage.

The emotion tensed. My MO pat my shoulder, as if giving reassurance.

I am ready.

I have to be.

I put on my surgical gown. Glove size 6 and a half. Latex.

I spread the sterile set, arranging the instruments the way I liked it to be.

With my right hand, I shaked the 0.5% heavy bupivacaine, to-and-fro. Then, break the vial.

I carefully attached the 21G green needle to the 5cc syringe. 2cc was syringed out from the vial.

I added 0.5cc fentanyl, making it a total of 2.5 cc.

In another syringe, I syringed out 2cc of Lignocaine 2% (Local Analgesia).

I folded the the sterile green gauze into triangular shapes , neatly and placed them into a galipod as my assistant poured some disinfectant inside.

I prepared the spinal 25G Pencan needle, putting it through a 21G needle.

Then, I took a deep breath.

It is time.

My patient was seated up on the operating table, with straight back, head looking down, arms hugging a pillow.

‘Encik, doctor nak cuci belakang ya. Sejuk sikit. Cuba relax’ I said, with my awfully broken bahasa, with attempts to comfort the patient.

With a sponge forceps holding the green gauze, I cleaned the procedure site in circular motion. I repeated this procedure again, and then draped the site with a grean cyst towel.

I run my fingers by the sides of the man, trying to feel for the protruding bone (PSIS) and palpating for the intravertebrae space, locating for L4-L5. I marked the area.

‘Doktor nak bagi ubat tahan sakit ya. Sakit sikit macam semut gigit ya. Encik sabar ya.’ I said and injected the local analgesia.

Then I took a deep breathe.

‘Encik relax ya, badan tegak, kepala tunduk bawah. Doktor nak injek ubat ya. Cuba jangan gerak’

I rechecked the marking and space.

With the 21G needle guiding my 25G spinal pencan needle, I inserted the needle into the marked area, towards L4-L5.

I felt a resistance at first, then a give. –THE FIRST GIVE, I reminded myself.

Then, I inserted the spinal needle further, then I felt some resistant, gritty sensation, then another give –THE SECOND GIVE.

YES, this should be it!

I removed the trochar (inner needle).

I felt almost euphoric when I saw what I saw.

Clear CSF flowing out, driping out at the end of it, drop by drop.

Thank you GOD! My heart shouted.

I reconfirmed the flow with a syringe, slowly. Good flow. Then, slowly, I injected the prepared anesthetic solution in.

With a breath, I removed the needle.

The Staff Nurse sprayed the operation site and plastered it with a gauze. ‘Bolehlah jadi MO GA nanti’, she teased me.

The patient was layed flat again.

I monitored the blood pressure, making sure it do not drop drastically.

‘Encik okay tak? Boleh cuba angkat kaki’ I said.

‘Tak bolehlah,' he said. 'Kaki berat’ he replied.

‘Jangan risau, Ini kesan daripada ubat bius. Kalau rasa sakit, beritahu ya’ I said.

The surgeon rechecked with a forcep. –No pain

‘You may proceed’

He made an incision –No Pain.

YES, the spinal worked.

The surgery went well, completed in 49minutes. Patient had good anesthesia. Thank God for that.

I documented – No difficulty during procedure, single attempt, atraumatic tip, clear CSF, good flow.

My MO teased me, ‘There, wasn’t that hard, isn’t it?’

YA RITE! (sarcastically)

THERE – my first spinal.

The satisfaction & feeling – PRICELESS!

Gee, I think I am starting to like GA!! (well, maybe)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-For the benefit of Non-medical related fields reader,below are some terms and abbrevations used in the above article:

OR = Operating Room

MO=Medical Officer

CSF = CerebroSpinalFluid

PSIS =Posterior Superior Illiac Spine (at the level of L4-L5)

L4-L5 = Lumbar spine bone level 4 - 5

heavy bupivaccaine = anesthesia solution

Lignocaine = local analgesia

euphoric = high peak of joy, happiness

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER: The author will not be responsible if this article or part of this article is used as a guide to one's medical practice. note that this is the author's personal experience and should never be used as a guideline.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:

Acknowledgement to Datin, The HOD, for permiting and encouraging House Officers to perform procedures under supervision and provide a good learning environment.

Acknowledgement to Medical Officers & Specialists for teaching us with patience and giving us the opportunity to learn and grow into better doctors.

Acknowledgement to my collegues and other House Officers for helping one another, and encouraging each other as we go through housemanship.

Acknowledgement to the hospital staff, staff nurses, PPKs, for being supportive.

Most importantly, Acknowledgement to patients, for having trust in us.

THANK YOU

shinyin's love at first sight...

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 11:07:00 +0000

2 years ago, during Christmas, when honneyy and i were shopping in Mid Valley,

i found LOVE at first sight...

i want this bear...

~Forever Friends bear & i~

we were meant to be together...

honey liked it very much too!

the fur soooo soft...

warm...

cozy....

HUGGABLE.......

then....

and 2 years LATER,...

i found this lonely....

lonely bear.....

hehe....

....so kesian this bear.... just waiting for me....

and so, i packed it home!!!!

hehe...

and here's where the fun begins...

smile bear bear~~~

smile

~~~

bear bear saying and waving 'hi'

bear bear- the big boss...

relaxing on the bed,,,,.....

a little shy...

blushing...

*.*

bear bear studying...

crawling...

The Original VERY Cute Bear.....

I have been lovingly hand-crafted to meet all safety requirements.

I do not like washing machines and tumble dryers,

but i liked being wiped with a warm damp flannel

and being left to dry naturally.

If my fur goes flat,

I do not mind being brushed genttly,

as long as I get a hug afterwards...

sunflowers!

bear bear likes sunflowers too!

bear bear scaring the fishes...

lilies!

bear bear like to drink...

bear bear loves christmas!

pleasant surprises from kevin this year...

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 11:20:00 +0000

This year birthday is somewhat special...
not only that it falls on a special date = 101010...
well, i was on leave
and got to spend it with special people whom i care...

so, YES, i'm happy... ^^

Kevin took me to...

*surprise*

- The Ship-

it was a place i always wanted to go, but somewhat never did...

So, that's Kevin....

awating the cruise...

and me,..

can't wait to get onto the ship...

hehe...

the ambience is nice...

each table lit with a lamp...

i heard that years ago, they used to use candles,

which was perhaps more romantic...

that's our seat...

*note the picture of the sailor at the back: shouting heiyo...

thought it was kinda funny.. hehe..

So, we had our very own pirate too...

hehe....

Hmmm... what should we order....

the layout for the day....

JUMBO honey dew drink...

super HUGE...

i wonder whether can finish or not...

hmm....

super huge mug...

soft soft bread... ~complimentary~

fresh salad ~complimentary~

it was very fresh...

reminded us of Cameron,..

Kev taking a bite...

ooohhh.... this is Kev's FAVOURITE!!!

~SEAFOOD COCKTAIL~!!

it's made of...

shrimp + crab meat+oyster+squid+fish eggs

+EVERYTHING HYPERALLERGENIC!!!

super KENG!

just LOOK at that!!

oh babe...

Kevin's savouring it...

the smell...

the taste...

the feel, when it melts in your mouth...

yummy, yummy...

don't care, must eat...

hehe....

a tinge of lemon...

kevin ordered Minute steak...

looked a little dry outside...

and red inside...

and i ordered Chef's Recommendation ~ Rib Eye Steak...

this is super SUPER SUPER nice & juicy...

see the differences???

Minute Steak VS Rib Eye Steak...

0-100

(minute lose FLAT)

oh yes, the waitress very PRO and very busy..

all dressed in cute cute outfit... ^^

the handsome Captain...

and this is us...

^happy^

time for the bill~

Verdict: Food is Good

will come again... ^^

After dinner Kevin had another surprise...

guess what???

~fireflies~

Kg Kelip-Kelip kuala Selangor...

had to take a sampan across

RM40 only per sampan..

can fit 4 person in a sampan...

but there was just Kevin & i,

so we took 1 sampan...

fireflies migrating...

like christmas trees...

fireflies @ kuala Selangor...

on the 101010, there was no moon seen in the sky,

therefore being one of the best time to watch fireflies....

awesome... ^^

wait,

there's more....

and the last surprise for the day.....

TA-DA!!!!

*surprise*

*SURPRISE*

FOREVER FRIENDS BEAR~~~

what an awesome birthday!

Thank you very much dear....

love you dear...

101010~ Happy birthday to me ^^

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 11:16:00 +0000

This year's birthday had been pretty special for me... as i was on leave... and i got to celebrate it with my family, friends & loved ones... i was great, all those meeting up & gatherings... ^^

the holidays were a little too short though...

have to go back to work tomorrow... so ya...

good times flies...

Here, i want to take the opportunity to thank everyone...

Thanks to Mum & Dad who threw the BBQ party... Thanks to my sisters, Ling, Yoon and brothers Tuan Yuan, Ren... and a Happy birthday to Tuan Ren... who's birthdate was the same as mine! 101010!!! Congratulations to Ling for graduation!! Thanks for all those relatives, aunts, uncles who attended the party and helped prepared the food... it's been so long since the house had such celebration... Thanks to Audrey & Teck Guan for the face masks... and thanks to BoonLee who managed to make it despite having to celebrate her mum's birthday on the same day... enjoyed playing monopoly cards... ^^

Special thanks to Suk Teng who planned the gathering at Sushi Zanmai... Happy birthday to Ze and Suet Fei!!! It's awesome that we get to celebrate together this year! ^^ Thanks to ShinLoo, Sukteng & Zilin for attending... ShinLoo wore a really cute skirt with PINK shoes... too bad i forgot to take pics of it..

Special thanks to KitJing & Honeyyy.... Honeyyy all the way from Sibu... and finally we got to meet MayLuu's secretive mysterious MO... hehe... cute pun la... white white neat neat....

Thanks to Chin Tze Hur and Im Sing for lunch & Tony Romas... Im Sing finally got to introduce her beloved boy boy officially... hehe....

Oh yes, Congratulations to Chee Yong & Ai Ti !! Awesome wedding!!! liked the singging part a lot!

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, phonecalls, cards, sms-es, facebook wishes....

Last but not least, thanks dear, for the surprises and everything else~

here's some pictures to share....

Birthday Celebration @ Sushi Zanmai!

From left: Ze, me, snowfly, shinloo, zilin, sukteng

the 3 Octorians who celebrated their birthday together this year!

yippie!!

pong, smiling...

snowfly...

shinLoo & Zilin

ME ^^

makan, makan....

KitJing, Me & Honeyyy...

honeyy & i...

May Luu & MO (white-white-neat-neat pun)

Celebration @ Home...

Happy birthdays... & Convocation...
(Budget cake... hehe...)

like the deco??

Like the candles???

From S&J :RM3.90 only

BBQ @ home...

happy family...

singging the song, cutting the cake...

yeay!

BoonLee, Audrey & i with my old swing...

Ling with her new convo bear bear...

Ling loves it very much...

dun wanna let go liao...

Tuan Ren with his new sling bag ^^

Everyone SMILE...

playing monopoly in my room...

From Left: Kev, me, boonlee, aud, Teck guan (front)

AWESOME BIRTHDAY!

thanks everyone

for making it possible... ^^

10.10.10 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:08:00 +0000

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It’s October again!! Yup. The supposing best month of the year! Triple 10 this year! Must be a very important moment, is it? I think I have reached the point where I stopped counting my age. Stopped believing in Boon Lee’s philosophy that [OLD IS GOLD]… not that I ever believed in it anyway… I mean, how could older ever be better??? Everything worsen when the age increases… higher risk of osteoporosis, hypertension, diabetes, stress, responsibility, burdens… everything.... not to forget, AGING…. Sigh… (okay, let’s all put all those negativity aside…)

Well, birthdays ain’t that bad, I suppose… at least we still have wishes (and gifts!!) to look forward to… yippie… but u know, getting a gift for someone can be somewhat challenging… so, this year, well, I made a list! ^^

SHINYIN’S BIRTHDAY WISH LIST

1. iphone 4 !!!! (please, please, please…)

2. a HUGE HUGGABLE TEDDY BEAR!!! (Forever Friends bear would be nice ^^ )

3. or maybe one of those cute one-eye-yellow-minions from Despicable me – the movie

4. a white handbag, medium size, big enough to sling over shoulder but small enough for parties

5. a watch, non-digital, water proof, preferably pink/black

6. a vacation! (yeah, I need a break) and more holidays!
7. an external hard disc (running low on disc space)

8. Wii (that’ll be fun! )

9. A new hairstyle – I wanna get some curls!

10. WANG LEE HOM in person (hmm… still having fantasy… haha!)

11. a small but warm birthday bash with close family&friends, maybe?

12. a hospital transfer back to Seremban after housemanship

13. SURPRISE!!

14. SURPRISE!!!!

15. SURPRISE!!!!!

16. I know, I just loved surprises!! ^^
17. PURE HONESTY and some answers
18. To find a better meaning to life

19. And of course, HAPPINESS, always… to the people around me whom I care… (and myself too)

Not an easy list, ei? I guess nobody will get me those gift… need to start saving… those I’m like totally broke for now… so, sigh… oh well, no harm wishing….

Happy Birthday to me~

oh boy, why is it so darn hard to feel happy?

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 10:13:00 +0000

my eyes are painful,
somewhat red from all the rubbing,
somewhat watery from all the tearing...

my heart is retching,
aching with each breathe i take,
hurting with every thoughts of you...

why?
when you promised happiness,
you gave pain instead?
why?
when you said you will be there,
you were not?
why?
when you made promises,
you broke them one by one?

is it true?
that one need to walk down the path,
the path covered with shattered glass,
and let their feet bleed,
with every step,
sharp pain shooting up the spine,
yet, thou shall keep walking,
to reach the destination of happiness...

what if you thought you have found happiness,
and later found out,
that it was all a white lie...
a fairytale that never exist,
a pacifier for little kids...

i wondered how could you have let it be,
how could you have let it go,
perhaps, somethings weren't as important,
perhaps sweet words, were only words...

and i,
i only deserved to be in this dark space...

perhaps what they predicted was right
everyone was given a certain amount of happiness
and i am starting to reach the end of my quota...
the tip of the toothpaste tube....

oh boy, why is it so darn hard to feel happy?

raya surprises! and a touching petronas advertisement...

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 12:53:00 +0000

when everyone is happily looking forward to the raya holidays...
all i have is a series of standbys, precalls, on-calls....
will be working throughout the raya holidays EVERYDAY till late night!
siGh...
:(
work, work, work....

nevertheless, to the rest :

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI~~

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN....

please drive carefully home....
do not speed...
biar lambat asalkan selamat...
stay healthy,
stay VERY healthy...
and NEVER visit me in the hospitals during my calls....
do not drop me surpises...

just stay home and enjoy the festival! ^^

here's a very touching petronas advertisement....