Confessions of a medical officer

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 10 May 2018 01:23:00 +0000

It feels so AWESOME waking up to A NEW MALAYSIA.

Still in disbelief that this day has arrived. Feel so proud to be part of this #merdekamoment which will go down in history.

I want to thank Tun Dr Mahadir for coming out of retirement at the age of 92, to save and reform the country. May you be blessed with good health and many pahalas.

Thank you to all the rakyat who had came out to vote. Some travelling from far, some coming in wheelchairs and tongkats, some coming despite confinement… #everyvotecounts #rakyatholdsthepower You have made this historical moment a reality!

Thank you to all polling and counting agents, volunteers, who tried their best to ensure fair elections this time round.

Thank you to the ex-opposition, now new leaders of Malaysia, for staying strong, not giving up hope and fighting for a better Malaysia. The rakyat has placed their hope, trust, and faith in you. Please lead us to a better Malaysia.

Thank you to the brave leaders who exposed the corruption in the country and spoke the truth to enlightened all rakyat of Malaysia. Thank you Tony Pua. Thank you to all who did what they believed is the best for the rakyat, even if it means going against THANOS. Thank you Invoke, thank you Rafizi.Thank you for putting the country first before everything else.

To some of the old leaders, who were good leaders, do keep checks on the new government. Do make sure promises to the rakyat by the new governement are well delievered. Remember that we have to look at the bigger picture and do what is best for the rakyat and the country.

I am so proud of this new change. A new government for the first time after 60 years. Tun Dr Mahadir, oldest Prime Minister in history, gathering his strength to lead the country when he could have just enjoy his retirement in comfort. I am so proud of our first women, an ophthalmologist, now the Deputy Prime Minister. Doctors have been known for their compassion and sacrifice. The sacrifice started since day 1 medical school itself, when they face hardship to better themselves, when they put patients and others before them.

I am so proud to see a united Malaysia who set aside all differences and do what is best for the country and our next generation. This is truly a MERDEKA experience.

The world is watching us, and it feels so good to see the world seeing Malaysia with a positive light. I pray for a new Malaysia, free of corruption, a better health and education system for our children, media transparency, a boost in Malaysia growth and economy.

Malaysia will restore its good name.

Happy birthday MALAYSIA!

#thisistoogoodnottoblogabout #reborn

Shadows from the past

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 15:49:00 +0000

Shadows from the past

I was making myself a drink in the kitchen, then I got distracted by a memory, a memory once forgotten, and somehow, by accident, or by chance, the cup fell and everything scattered, spilled all over the white tiled floor.

I suppose most people, perhaps almost everyone, must have had shadows of their past. Memories that they had forced themselves to forget, inhibited, locked in a safe, at the dark corner of their mind.

Yet, somehow, after a couple of months, sometimes even years, somehow, no matter how powerful your mind tries to inhibit the memories, you never quite forget them.

For Boon Lee, I suppose it must have been 'okane'. Even after happily married, one sudden day, her zhimui (sister friend) would suddenly watsapp her and say: guess what? I saw okane the other day on the street with another girl. Thought you would like to know. And the thing is, I could tell that there was a part of her which had not quite let go the shadow of her past.

God always have His plans. His reasons. As for me, when mine revisited my mind, I just had to spill everything. Pure foolishness and stupidity I have to admit. So there I was, on my fours, scrubbing the floors of my kitchen. As the tiles became cleaner, my mind clearer. As if the shadows of my past being wiped away. I was so soiled that I had to took a shower after that. And that made me feel better.

It made me think. Does everyone else have a shadow of their past? How do they cope with it? What if they need to face it almost everyday? What if they lived in fear of being reminded of the past? Was I ever, by chance a shadow of someone else's?

P/s: Back to reality. No time for mind games, just finding excuses not to study. Sigh...

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care at all.

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 09:43:00 +0000

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special,

then suddenly leaves you hanging

and you have to act like you don't care at all.

I think at some point in life, we would have experienced this.

FALSE HOPE.

Whether it is from this guy or girl, lifting you up, giving promises with no expiry dates.

Otherwise, it could be your boss giving you false signals on a promotion,
huge bonus or increment.

Sometimes, even a parent gives a child false hope, vice versa.

I started off wanting to blog about coping with this,
coping with false hope.

Then i just stared into a blank page

and realized that i have not figure out the answers myself either.

And i find that very often,

i just close the door, hid it in the corner,

put it aside and never want to talk about it.

You close the door to your heart
as a protective mechanism to keep it safe from harm.

I guess ignorant is NOT a bliss, and not the best way to cope with this.

But i have hopes,

(be positive!)

when i finally figure out how,

i shall share it with you guys.

Till then,

love, and be loved.

Are we just too busy building sand castles in the sky???

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 17:30:00 +0000

Some people reach a part of life where their lives become a routine, almost. Waking up at seven, getting ready, off to work, home, dinner, rest and relax, then off to bed. Then the cycle repeats again. Occasionally, something interesting takes place. Then you pause. Then you return back to your cycle.

Is it by force or is it by choice?

I envied those people who are still enjoying their study life. ‘Enjoy your study life now, as it is the best phase in life!’ I said. ‘Working is a whole other thing,’ my head shook.

Working changes a person. Or at least me. One get too caught up in work, all bundled up between the routines, that sometimes, they do forget the important things in life. Sometimes, they even forgot how to live. Perhaps it is the stress, maybe it is the heavy workload, or the way our mind and body overworked itself. With that, One put itself on autopilot mode to do the routines and go home, get to bed and sleep.

Being a mother changes a person. Between coaxing the baby to sleep, changing diapers and feeding the child, it is not easy. Not that I am a mother. Not yet, at least. One of my bestfriends, Audrey just delivered her baby three months back. From my observation, a mother is a full time 24 hours job. And it ain’t easy one bit!

One tries to make time for family, extended family, the other half, the colleagues, the university friends, the high school friends, and maybe the puppy too.

I have four weekends in a month. And out of four, two which I need to work, in Kuala Pilah. That is how precious my weekends are. So, I like to plan my weekends ahead. Not that I am not spontaneous, I just like to plan it out, so that I get the most out of it.

TIME. There is just not enough of it.

So subconsciously, one tries to prioritize the things in life. And the bad thing about prioritizing is, along the way, some things (or some people) are sacrificed.

For instance, my blog. The last post was in January 2013. The last confession shared dated April 22 2012, or April 24 - which was nearly a year ago. So,yes, my BloG, is dying. And each time i attempt to resuscitate it, it beats a while, gasps a few breaths, and then goes flat line again. Blogging, something which I once enjoyed doing very much, something which was once a part of me, it was somewhat surgically removed my life. And I am not even married with kids yet!

So, like I said, studying IS one of the best times in life. Perhaps your biggest worries back then were passing examinations, the new pimple on your left cheek, or whether the cute guy next door likes you. And if you are unlucky, school bullies. But well, that is it.

So, I still envied those people who are still studying. But, well, I had my time, so move on.

Bottom line here is, just in case I had deviated too far: Indeed, working had became the new part of my life, the new me, but I would just like to remind myself, before i embark further on, yes, I NEED to remind myself, not to lose myself along the way.

There is more to life than just work. Family, friends, loved ones. Do not allow them to be subconsciously surgically removed from your life. Do not allow the distance to space out. It takes both sides to fight for each other.

Bryan Dyson once said: Value has a Value only if its Value is Valued

TIME. There is just not enough of it.
Yet, we HAVE to FIND time.
Yes, We NEED to MAKE time.

Do not lose yourself.

Listen, Listen, LISTEN, Let Me Speak....

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 12:07:00 +0000

WELL SAID BAWANI!!! you are the voice of the people and you are strong and courages!!! Puan Sharifah should let Bawani finish first and not cut her short, and take away her mic. She is just a child. Let her finish then teach her and guide her.

Bawani have to learn to be more calm and less emotional... She may be slightly provocative, but she is just a student, it is forgivable... however, Sharifah, you are the President of Suara Wanita 1Malaysia (SW1M), one of the leaders of Malaysia, yet you portrayed such poor professionalism and had degraded yourself... if this is how is shall be, i wouldn't want you to speak for me...

Besides, there were some flaws in Bawani's speech, like the calculations she gave, surely, we need more money than that to educate the people... a medical degree (at private) itself cost half a million per person!! But Sharifah did not tell her that, she did not correct her, and she did not answer her question or clear her doubts.. this will only leave the girl lost, and later easily manipulated by others,... so, sharifah, you have disappoint us...

We can learn from other countries. It is good to know our shortcomings so that we can reflect in ourselves and learn to improve ourselves, our country... there is so much Potential in Malaysia!! We should not just be contented and not want to work further,... NO, we should strive harder for a better future for our later generation... and for God sake, stop talking about animals, what does the animals have to do with our election system and our educational system... the ministry should send a better representative to chair the meeting,... the rebuttal is just ridiculous!! animals and all,... please,.. your thinking seemed more shallow than the child,.. surely, you should be able to do better than naming all the types of animals on earth!! no credits for that sharifah!

if it was not on video, i would not have believed it myself... i only feel sad that there was noone else in the hall to back up Bawani,... i would have, if i were there,... shame on the other students!!

A: Can i say a few things? Can i say a few words?
B: No, Hijrah, i think all this things are very child....
---> no respect for the person on stage, and broken english...

how disappointing to see this

As much as i love my country, and despite Puan Sharifah asking me to go to Cuba and Argentina, etc... i like to believe that there is still hope for our country.... my brain ask me to leave, but my heart say stay,... and perhaps, this is love,... and i hope that our love will be appreciated and we will have better leaders...

p/s: an entertaining clip from Namewee to cheer you up!

L.O.V.E.

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 12:32:00 +0000

Love

is too complicated to understand, analyse or interpret,

sometimes,

you just have to take that leap of faith,

and fall for it

~shinyin~

The sky is no longer the limit

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 13:12:00 +0000

NEIL ARMSTRONG,

He proved that the sky is no longer the limit.

Every dream,

no matter how small,

begins with just one small step.

LIVE the dream!!

Even when your heart is breaking, keep smiling.

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 12:15:00 +0000

Even when your heart is breaking, keep smiling,

Even when the world is turned, keep walking.

Even when life is tough, keep fighting.

Keep smiling, yes, for clouds will part,

And sun will soon begin

To warm your heart as God restores

Your peace and joy within.

The canvas painting of a thousand words, takes a thousand more to decipher…

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:00:00 +0000

it rained again today

this time heavier, stormier

perhaps heavy enough to soak me in

perhaps stormy enough to shake my senses back into reality

I hid in the corner of my room,

Within the shadows of my soul,

I will not be found here,

I will not be exposed,

I will learnt to protect myself.

Curiosity kills the cat,

Of did the cat found the reality too overwhelming that it had to kill itself,

This we will never know,

But then again,

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

and all this while I thought pink cotton candy was sweet

and all this while I thought that his hands were warm for me,

the horses around the marry-go-round were never real,

today I have learnt, yet again,

that the apple wears a mask

will the sun shine again?

will you smile again for me?

Will I be deluded again with layers and layers of deceptions?

How can one make the same mistake twice?

the sun will rise again,

but no, it will never be the same.

Is the MC worth it?

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:37:00 +0000

My stomach crumbled, Churned like a butter mixer, Never getting it right. Gripping, and pulling, colicky as they described it. The pain shoots up the spine. I rolled myself in fetal position, trying to relieve the pain, hoping to feel better.

God seemed to show no mercy.

The pain intensified. The alarm rings in the background. Forcing me to drag myself out of bed

I HATE WORK

I HATE WORK AT TIMES LIKE THIS

I popped another pill, Set myself on autopilot-mode

The clinics were as busy as the usual, heavy. I do my usual, seeing-patients, flipping the slit lamps, swinging it back and forth.

I twitched, squeezed my stomach, and looked away, hoping that the patient did not notice the pain in my eyes. And, surely, he did not. Not that I put on a good mask, simply because, his lens were too cataractous to visualize. I briefly sent him out, and then rush off to the toilet. Oh God, will this colicky pain ever stop?'

Some people say time heals. In my case, time only amplifies the pain. I popped another pill. Not helping much. Paracetamol, Ponstan, even Arcoxia I’ve tried, - what next? Maybe I need some food, I forced down a piece of bread, not much help. The frequent toilet trips is killing me.

Why not just go to the Emergency Department? Get an MC and go back to rest. –she suggested.

Do I really need that? – I hesitated, trying to put on a strong upfront.

I tried to see a few more patients, but not much progress. The nurse later found me rolled up on the examination bed. How embarrassing.... They need not need to see me like this. Maybe this was my limit, I need to rest at my own space and privacy.

So, I gave my friend in ED a call and head down to the ED.

Half way, I kind of regretted not asking my staff nurse to wheel me there. I started to feel a little light-headed for a while. No, I cannot faint, i said to myself. I pause and prayed that the pain will go away.

The Emergency was white. Bright. Like those you see in movies. I spotted my friend.

I told him my problem, straight forward – I AM SICK, I CANNOT WORK, I NEED AN MC.

The problem with doctors, (and man), in general is… well, they are problem solver. All I asked was for a MC, but they want to solve more.

Another problem with doctors, they follow rules. So, he just had to get me register, and later get his houseman to clerk me. ( my heart said : I just want an MC)

Perhaps my face couldn’t hide the pain.

Short history taken.Likely dysmenorrhea. Differentials: AGE, UTI.

Being all bossy and all, he said to his houseman, - access pain score, set line, send bloods, send urine FEME, give IV morphine stat. STAT.

‘Do I need a branula?’ ( my heart : NO WAY! Just give me my MC please)

He took my left hand in his, a pink branula in the other. ‘you won’t miss right?’ I asked, hoping for reassurance. ‘I’ll try.’ ( my heart : TRY???)

I caught the houseman, Ashok,giggling at the sight.( my heart: Do you mind screening the curtains? Why? I am human too, and I have every right to be afraid of needles, right?)

I almost cried, the branula was so pain it distracted me from my abdominal pain.

Take blood from the line, he ordered. Not a drop. Maybe I was so scared all my veins got constricted, I cannot be sure. I tried to accommodate, squeeze my palms, but it was hurting me. I gave up. ‘please, if you really want blood, just prick me at my arm again. This hurts.’
‘okay- patient refused blood taking’. He said, jokingly.

I think I better call my boss. This would take a while. So, I made the call.
The nurse came with a syringe. ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘morphine’ she answered.

I went to look for my friend, their boss. ‘Look.(pause) I don’t think I need morphine. (pause, pause)Morphine is strong. It’s just dysmenorrhea…(bargaining) I’ve never had morphine before. No, I don’t need morphine.’

‘No worries. Morphine will help with the pain’ he said and gave me the trust-me-look in the eyes.

I am not sure whether it was those kind eyes, or my low-threshold for pain, or my minimal strength and will to fight. And so, I gave in. Whatever you think is best.

The next thing I knew, the nurse pushed that syringe of Morphine. Bolus. So, I officially lost my morphine-virginity…in other words, I am a drug user, officially.

I expected to feel a dash of ‘high’-ness or adrenaline rush. You know, the way you feel when you are almost drunk, almost. Tip of the tip.

However, it was nothing like that. And whatever happen next was dreadful.

I felt my left arm burning. Like a spike of fire shooting through my veins. I shouted, involuntarily. The pain, was far more worse that my abdominal pain. Sharp. Gripping. Determined. WHY THE HELL DO THOSE IVDU (intravenous drug users /druggies) JAB THEMSELVES WITH MORPHINE / HEROINE??? TORTUROUS!!! My left arm swelled. Itches. Flares and wheels started to develop. In less than 10 seconds, my left arm was as red as a lobsters’.

I tried to say something, but nothing comes out. Chest tightness. Gasping. I could feel the airway narrowing.

Help- I uttered.
I can’t breathe.
That was it.

I am only 28. This cannot be it.

I developed an allergic reaction to morphine. IV hydrocortisone stat given. Neb stat.

‘Oh shit. She will kill me’ –He said jokingly.

The thing about doctors, they have a unique sense of humour.

We joked about life-and-death-situations, we joked at diseases and illnesses. Others get surprised with these humour.We never thought that, one day, the joke can be on us.

And I, I on the other hand. I am not sure whether to thank him or hate him. To hate him for giving me unnecessary (in my opinion, not necessary) drugs, which gave me a bad allergy reaction AND which could have been even life-threatening. Anaphylaxis, if the bronchospasm was bad enough, one could even end up intubated, ventilated. Should I hate him for that? Or should I thank him for helping me discover my drug allergy. And plus point, it took away the pain.

After all the events, I felt numbed. My body just lay there, incapacitated. Unable to do anything, unable to feel anything else.

I felt weak.Physically, from all the exhaustion. Emotionally, with regrets that I was not strong enough to fight the pain, that I had to rely on drugs, which mind you, could have killed me.
Sure enough, the pain went away. The morphine did its job. Maybe I should thank him for that. I was very sleepy after that.

And in the end. In the end, I did get my MC.
I slept off the whole afternoon, pain free.

All in all, was it worth it? I cannot be sure.

NB: Health professionals are perhaps the people who LEAST take care of their own health, and perhaps the most stubborn, difficult patients of all... frequent defaulters and non-compliers.. or not...

how about bumiputra rights for the Chinese and Indians too??? 1 MALAYSIA...

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:13:00 +0000

Came upon an interesting article online...

i was thinking, Jib-kor, how about bumiputra rights for the Chinese and Indians too???

1 MALAYSIA...

if you make that possible, you have my vote...

Bumiputra benefits for Thais in Malaysia

17Share

By Mazwin Nik Anis and Embun Majid
The Star/Asia News Network
Sunday, Feb 26, 2012

PENDANG, Malaysia - The Thai community has been assured that they are entitled to bumiputra benefits and privileges.

Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said the community had long been recognised as bumiputra, adding that their loyalty to the country was unquestionable.

The Prime Minister said even Umno recognised them as bumiputra and allowed Malaysians of Thai descent to set up party branches.

"I would like to state that the Thais here are regarded as bumiputras and I will ensure that they are truly recognised and enjoy the bumiputra privileges.

"They have been loyal to the country. Former prime minister Tunku Abdul Rahman had declared the Thai community as bumiputra and today, I reiterate this.

"They are entitled to purchase Amanah Saham Bumiputra shares, enrol in Universiti Institut Teknologi Mara and can apply for various Mara loans, among others," he said when meeting the Thai community at Wat Titi Akar and Wat Nanai yesterday.

He said when the political tsunami hit the country and the state in 2008, the community's support for Barisan Nasional remained strong.

Najib also said that when he introduced the 1Malaysia concept, it was to further elevate the spirit of tolerance to acceptance.

"To realise this, there must be a change in mindset and attitude. The time has come for us to accept the diversity rather than just tolerate it," he said.

Najib said aside from globalisation, the process of localisation was also being pursued by the people.

He cited the setting up of the Thai language school by the community as part of efforts to preserve their culture and tradition as example of localisation efforts.

The Prime Minister announced an allocation of RM500,000 (S$208,450) to the Thai language school in Wat Titi Akar and RM9,000 each to the 48 wats in Kedah.

Earlier in Gurun, he said unity among Malays was the key to national unity.

Najib said Malay unity could be reflected in many ways, including through associations such as silat groups.

Najib said the struggle for the country did not end with Malaysia achieving independence but should continue until the country and Malays achieved excellence.

The Prime Minister was bestowed the "Imam Khalifah Agong Gayong" award by the Seni Silat Pusaka Gayong Malaysia organisation.

His wife Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor, was presented with an award which carries the title "Sri Pelangi Srikandi Utama".

I do not believe in long distance relationships

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:07:00 +0000

I do not believe in long distance relationship.

I never did.

I am not saying that it does not work.

I am just saying that it does not work for me.

So when he said:

‘give me a chance, give us a chance,

I promise to make an effort to come and see you every week’

He said confidently,

I was skeptical,

Usually, i do not commit, until i am really really REALLY sure,

which i rarely am,

Nevertheless,

It was a miracle, the way we met,

Almost like a fairytale came true,

And God was on his side,

So, i took a leap of faith,

We took the step.

And he kept his word.

Then, one stormy night, after a long day at work, I got his phone call.

…..

She: So, what will we be doing this weekend?

He: I cannot see you this weekend. My brother is back from Singapore. He’ll be here on Fri, Sat, Sun.

And the process of DABDA(Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance) begins:

She (in denial): But you promised. Remember, last week, you promised to come on fri,sat,sun!

He: Yes, but I didn’t know my brother will be back

She (in bargaining) : What if you spend time with your brother on fri + sat, then we can spend time on Sunday

He: No, I can’t

She (in depression) : Whatever, do anything you like…

(chat randomly on something else)

She (in depression + sleepiness) : Do anything you like…

He: I think you sound sleepy. Good night

The next day, having in mind that she better plan the weekend,

she texted : You really not seeing me on sunday?

Then he texted:

[Anyway, I need to share this with you. I feel that you are being unreasonable this time, especially what you said to me on the phone last night. He is my brother and it’s been a very long time that I had seen him. This time he is back just for the weekend. I won’t be seeing him that often anymore. I understand that you love me very much and miss me. I do too. Unfortunately, this shows insecurity, and it is a concern. Probably I had come see you every week and it had been a commitment to you, you have taken it for granted. I don’t like what you say everytime you are angry. It hurts me and I can’t sleep on it. This had been an ongoing problem for me. I need my own personal space. But that does not mean that I don’t love you. I just need some space and respect from you]

Such a long text out of the blue.

Selective reading just read one word: SPACE

A vocabulary so new to our relationship.

This not about this weekend or any weekends anymore.

Had I been so naïve that perhaps He did not shared the same enthusiasm of meeting up during the weekends? Perhaps a person’s joy had been another person’s burden? Was it really that suffocating? Why none was mentioned in the beginning itself?

Was I really that hard to get along? Was I suffocating him?

Is it wrong for a girlfriend to demand for more time?

Or is it better for a girlfriend to not demand at all? And be all excited like [yippie, I don’t have to see you this weekend?]

What type of girlfriend tells his boyfriend: It’s okay if you have not prepare anything for my birthday, we can postpone it next time…. Celebrate it next time…

(still being postponed at the moment)

Maybe I have not much experience in relationships, but I do know one, some problem can be solved, and this one is not one of those problems.

So it hit me hard, perhaps he was just tolerating and keeping it all inside until one day, it all burst out.

All guys want their personal SPACE. I am sure some girls will agree with this.

Guys have this ego and primitive need for SPACE.

And Girls can be clingy, over-attached and demanding.

If giving him mon-fri personal space is still not enough, I do not know what more to give.

Daily phone calls every night before sleep, becomes EOD, then biweekly. Slowly tapering…

Perhaps, it’s Kuala Pilah! Living away from home and close friends making me feel so miserable.Having to adapt all over again. On top of being in a department not of one choice, and having bad bad calls. Now, not even the weekends to look forward to. No one seemed to understand the feeling.

I will learn to be more considerate.

I will learn not to demand.

I will learn to detach myself.

I will above all, learn to let go.

Maybe, some puzzles were never meant to find their match.

Lesson #1: Never fall too deep into a relationship. It is a death trap.

Lesson # 2: If you love something, set it free. Give them space (or whatever)

Lesson #3 : Never, NEVER take family picture with your boyfriend family. No matter how good terms you are in. Even if at that moment, you believed that he is the one. Because, if things do not work out, years down the line, when someone asked : who is that girl ? He’ll have to answer: Oh that’s my EX, the bit*h. And it can be quite awkward.

Lesson #4: Never, never, NEVER book a holiday with your boyfriend 1 year in advance on your credit card. You are no fortune teller, you'll never know what will happen in 1 year time.

So, welcome readers, I’m back to blogging again. I will now spend more time on myself. Perhaps, I have been neglecting my personal space long enough.

And people say girls are complicated.

I think guys equally are.

I did not believe in long distance relationship.

Now, I do not even believe in relationship.

p/s: fyi, he met his brother 2 weeks ago and his brother is looking for a job in Singapore.
p/ss: even his brother once said he loves his car more than his girl.
(perhaps, everything else)

my current feeling.... soooo LAZY.....

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:10:00 +0000

Crazy Marriage Proposal

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 14:09:00 +0000

some people will do anything... really? watch the youtube video below and see.. LoLz

a fallen star

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 11:40:00 +0000

There are things in life,

Things that kept me wondering…

Playing in my mind,

Like a roller coaster,

Juggling ideas, delusions, emotions….

The world is a small world,

A small small world,

And God has his plan, he must have had!

Sometimes, I just wished I knew,

i wished i could comprehend...

There are things I like to forget,

(corrections: I WANT to forget, i mean, i NEED to forget)

Questions unanswered, Yet, I dare not ask,

I hung up the phone,

I knew the answer will be too painful to bear.

In the end,

It is just me,

Me and my stupidity…

Emotions is a dumb thing,

I guess,

When the heart overcomes the mind…

I knew it was all a delusion,

Yet, God knows why am I still holding on,

Holding onto something that does not exist in the first place.

I needed to end this,

To achieve full insight,

Understanding and enlightenment…

I wished those things would not matter that much,

I wished it will all go away,

I wished I would never had to face it,

I hid them in a box, a dark, dark box,

At the corner of my mind,

Yet somehow, like I said, this is a small small world,

With many many co-incidents,

I see myself in the mirror,

I wished it was someone else,

I wished it was somewhere else,

Then again,

God had to fool me again…

Please let me go, please let me live in peace…

Please tell me that it'll all go away, and everything will be fine...

Work, family, friends, health and spirit

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 12:46:00 +0000

For those especially stressed @ work...

When it's off office hours,

Go HOME and SLEEP on it...

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 24 May 2011 16:39:00 +0000

This afternoon, a group of pre-medical students came to our hospital for a visit. They were JPA scholars who came for exposure and to learnt more about the hospital life and career as a doctor.

The ward sister introduced me to them, ‘This is Dr Wu, our house officer here. In the future, you will become like her. Dr Wu, can you brief them about life as a houseman?’

ME: Sure, what would you like to know?

STUDENTS: We would like to know more about life as a house officer. We heard that it is difficult and would like some motivation.

ME: Are you all already enrolled in Medical School?

STUDENT: YES. We are from XXX and YYY.

(Mind: Meaning, those innocent students are CONFIRMED stucked in med school…) Everything that come out of my mouth now HAD to be POSITIVE.

And I couldn’t believe what came out of my mouth next:

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

(very rewarding???) -YES, I said it!!

“You see results, like when you treat your patient, you see how he recovers and goes home”

“The moment when you first scrubbed in, your first baby delivery, holding those little soft fingers, your first appendicectomy, the feeling cannot be bought. The experience is somewhat special and you cannot find it anywhere else”

Sure, I pacify those students, motivate them more than I had ever motivated myself.

“Not just anyone can survive in the medical field. It takes a lot of strength, courage and hard work. If you can survive medical school, if you can survive housemanship, you can survive ANYTHING“

STUDENTS: What about medical school? We heard Medical is all about work and no play.

“Keep a balance between work and play. They say, study hard when you are student, it’s true… because those things you study, do come in handy when we work, especially those at clinical years. It helps in our work. But, endless work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Participate in research, join students association, go out with your friends, enjoy, go travelling, yes, work hard but have fun along the way."

“ when I was a student, I participated in a Student Organization named : AMSA (Asian Medical Students’ Association) and we took part in many activities : Paper Presentation, Poster Presentation, Research, Cultural Exchange,.. We travelled to Taiwan, Korea, Hong Kong,.. meet students from other countries, understand their lifestyle, exchange views, hang out… it was fun"

And those students were staring back, like in disbelief that a medical student life can be fun.

Well, honestly, I did enjoyed my medical school life. The tough days were tough. Where the amount of facts and knowledge we have to study is not counted by how many pages, but is measured by how many feet high is those books and notes stacked up, per subject. It was scary, thinking back. But, the good days were good. And I had many, many, MANY fond memories of my student life. One thing was, I had very good friends. I was relatively active in school activities and student body, so, I had a great experience.

“You guys are JPA scholars, probably one of the brightest students in your high school. But in medical school, it is an all new thing altogether. You will be competing amongst yourself, the best students of the batch. And it can be very stressful at times. There will be two extremes categories of students. Those who just pass exams without much effort, A, and those who need to work EXTRA hard to pass exams, B. You might be in either of this category, A or B, or somewhere in between. If you happen to be in the B category, don’t give up, support each other, and put in the extra effort, you will reach the finish line.”

STUDENTS: How about on-calls? I heard it is terrible,….

“I have to say, you guys are VERY lucky now, as oncalls nowadays are VERY much better compared to those 10 years back, considering that nowadays, we have more house officers. Some departments in some hospitals even give post-call-off! ”

-I cannot believed I said that.

“The more reason you need to study as Students and house officers. The concept is simple. The better knowledge and skills you have to manage a patient, the faster you can finish your work, and the more time you have to rest. But is someone is Jonah, then, it’s just luck. Of course, a shift system would be much better for all of us. Unless the system change, oncalls have to go on. But remember, you have nothing to lose, every day, there’s something to learn. And those on-calls, they make you stronger”

The truth is, there are more house officers, but the work load has became more and more demanding. House officers have more scopes to cover. In some hospital, they need to do double entry for the computer system. Some HO has to function as MO. Some HO has to function as SN and PPK. Work is endless. You are the PPK, the SN, the HO, the MO- EVERYTHING! But of course, I couldn’t tell them that and scare them away.

NEW fresh students, they reminded me of how I used to be. Like a clean sheet of paper, so innocent, so ‘un-touched’, so eager…

When I was at high school, I was motivated by a medical student who came to our school. His name was Dominic.

I think I like this. ‘Motivating’ these young souls. Pacifying them.

And I think that was exactly what I needed back then, when I was in their shoes –MOTIVATION...

Haha, they should read my blog... NO, THEY SHOULDN'T.

MEGLIO - a new look? a new hook?

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Fri, 20 May 2011 11:42:00 +0000

Confessions: I have hairdresser-phobia.

Yup, I have phobia of the saloon

(and what are they going to do to my hair)…

I remembered one of my past experience, which made me looked like Prof Adeeb.

(Link: A binbotic moment 31/03/2009)

So you see, i am not only saloon-phobia, i am also curl-phobia.

So, very often, I avoided the place, the hair saloon,

until my hair gets seriously damaged and out of control, and needed to get some help.

Surprisingly, I limit my visits to the saloon to about 1-3 times a year only (hehe)… shhhh,…..

So, this time, we hair was too long, with split ends at the ends, so, it left me no choice,… but to visit my greatest fear, again…

BEFORE:

(long straight hair)

I wanted to go to Korean Village, Park Chul Hair Dresser, or Oh Jun Hair Salon (near Ampang Point) the week before (as recommended by ShinLoo), but the place was closed.

So, when I came back to work in Melacca, my friend, Lui, she recommended this place : MEGLIO at Melaka Raya. Many of my friends have their hair done there, so, it was ‘suppose’ to be good. I guess. Lui suggested this guy, ANDY, who did her hair and my other friends’ hair.

When I first when to Maglio, I went up a flight of stairs, only to find myself in front of a bunch of students, cutting hairs for the first time. In disbelieved, I wondered - My friend recommended this place? Later I found out that it was the MEGLIO ACADEMY , where students cut your hair for a VERY cheap price. Thank God, I was directed to the REAL MEGLIO SALOON next door, or else, I might be making the greatest mistake of my life.

When I met ANDY for the first time, he was very friendly, and he put me at ease. He offered me a free consultation session, explaining to me about different kinds of styles, and those which suits me. He asked about my background, my job, carreer, how much can I change my hairstyle… etc…

According to ANDY, there are FOUR types of hairstyle:

FRESH
SWEET
COOL
FEMININE (MATURE)

I was told that my face shape belonged to the FRESH / SWEET category.

He said he wants to change my outlook, and he guarantee satisfaction.

He said, if I am brave and daring enough, he’ll like to give me some bangs (fringe). He said, that it’ll help to make the eyes look bigger and brighter.

Being kiasu or what-not, I accepted the challenge. I was hooked.

Which I kinda regret a little later, as it was a little too childish for me. But, oh well, it’s now or never.

And so, I had fringe.

ANDY was a very observant person. When he realized, i wasn't reading the magazines he provided, he asked, do i prefer English magazines? and offered a changed...

As time was getting late, Andy said, " This will take a while. Have you have your dinner?'

I gently shake my head. -no-

"You must be hungry, I'll get you something"

So, he made some hot chocolates and offered some cookies. ^^

I like a place with good service...

I wanted fringe with straight hair, but he insisted that I curl them.

I shared my previous bad experience with curls,

He said, he'll do it differently.

He asked me to trust him.

He said, “You have to trust me. I cannot perform my best if you give me limitations. You need to believe in me, and I will give you satisfying results, I will give you a great hairstyle, a great outlook.”

He seemed so confident. High self-esteem and ego.

And so, I just gave in. I was hooked, again.

* applied LOREAL hair curl chemical*

He used some huge curls and gave me a digital perm.

There was so many wires attached to my head.

And Oh Boy, it was hot.

They used some thick paddings so not to burn me (and my scalp)

In the end, i looked like a cartoon doll with ROBOCOP HEAD

Finally, 20minutes is up, the sufferings end, and the solution washed off...

Last trimming and blow-dry

ANDY recommanded this:

1. REDKEN ringlet 07 curl cream

2. KERASTASE Oleo Curl Nutritive

I would say, he's a good salesman

So, finally:

TA-DA!!

And this is ANDY

Thank you for the new hairstyle

And i took this with my WEBCAM

MEGLIO
ANDY Seet (Stylist / Color Master)
06-2861119(for appointment) /06-2831119
No G-1, 1-1, 2-1, 3-1,
Jalan PM2,
Plaza Mahkota,
75000 Melaka

Operating hours: 11:00am-8:30pm
Closed on Wednesday

A CALL WITH A FANTASTIC MO

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:34:00 +0000

*Disclaimer: Cerita ini cuma rekaan semata-mata, tidak berkaitan sama ada dengan yang hidup ataupun yang mati* This is a fiction story, not related to anyone dead, or alive.*

I remembered I used to read Darren’s blog on how miserable calls can get when you get ‘certain’ HO who calls you for many reasons. Sometimes, things can be the otherway round.

DARREN’s :

Most of the time, your call's quality largely depends on whom you're working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable helper would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of the calls that MO received from a HO during an on-call night... (click to continue reading)

QUOTE:

Most of the time, your call’s quality largely depends on whom you’re working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable boss (who makes good and quick decisions) would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of calls that HO received during an on-call night…

*phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 2:37am:

HO#1: hello??

HO#2: Hello, I need your help with a branula.

HO#1: Okay

HO#2: I was trying with MO for a very long time already but still cannot get venous access. Can

you come to HDW to set a neck line?

HO#1: What? You are with an MO and can’t get a line? What case is it? How is the patient?

HO#2 briefly present the case.

HO#1: Okay, I am coming.

Upon arrival, patient was a C5-C6 compression fracture patient with C5 cord injury, ventilating on trachy. BP falling. Has one IV access. MO miserably trying to set another peripheral line.

MO: Good, you are here. This patient very hard to get line. You need to set a neck line.

HO#1: Isn’t he on inotropes, shouldn’t we insert a triple lumen?? (central line)

MO: You can insert a triple lumen?? I mean, can you insert? If not, we can call GA MO to insert.

HO#1: Okay, I’ll try.

Coagulation profile normal, in view to keep the neck in neutral position and not flex the neck, HO#1 decided for a subclavian approach.

HO#1 attempt failed.

HO#1: I think someone else should try. (Hoping that the MO will take over)

MO: Hmm… let’s call the GA MO to help. I'm not very good with lines.

HO#1: Okay. Please do then.

MO: Ermm… could you talk to the GA MO?

Apparently, the GA MO on-call was well known to be very ‘fierce’ and the MO had some unpleasant previous history with the GA MO.

SN took a peep next door: The GA MO is very busy in ICU, attending to a collapse patient.

Having no choice, HO#1 kept her fingers crossed and said: Very well, I’ll try again

*Thank God, Left Subclavian Central line inserted successfully, anchored at 15cm, no acute complication, good flow. Placement confirmed with VBG and CXR. Bloods sent for investigation. Patient resuscitated with fluids and inotropes, BP picked up and patient stabilized.

After documentation, the SN asked: Siapa HO#1? Specialist ke??MO ke?

.....silence....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASE II, later that morning,

* phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 6:45am:

HO#1: Hello? I am reviewing patient, anything?

HO#3: Hello, there is a patient in wardXXX who collapsed. Asystole. I informed MO already, she asked me to ‘buat apa-apa yang patut’ and ask you to come stat. I tengah CPR now.

*Upon arrival stat, HO#3 was performing CPR, SN bagging, MO holding mask.

MO looked at HO#1 with an anxious face and said: HO#1, you boleh intubate patient, kan?

*HO#1 almost fainted when heard that. ^^|||

HO#1: SN, cepat prepare intubation set. ETT size 7 and 6.5. Prepare blade, suction. Prepare Midazolam 5ml.

SN: Kena buka DDA ni …. (FAINT~!)

HO#1: Student nurse, tau bagging?

Student nurse 1: YA

HO#1: pakai gloves, ambil alih tempat SN. SN prepare for intubation.

SN kelam-kabut, busy preparing the equipment and drug.

HO#1: How’s the patient? What happened? (HO#1 asked while putting on gloves and mask)

MO: I tak sempat access lagi

HO#3: Patient asystole, pupils dilated, BP unrecordable,..

HO#1 quickly accessing the patient and asked: How long CPR?

HO#3: about 15 minutes

HO#1: What was given? How many atrophin , adrenaline?

MO quiet (…)

HO#3: None given.

HO#1: SN2, syringe out adrenaline and atropine, give 1 atrophic, 3 adrenaline.

Apparently, SN2 was so slow… HO#1 started breaking the ampules and syringed out herself and gave the drug while the SN prepare intubation set. HO#1 took over MO position and intubated the patient. Condition was bad. More Adrenaline and atrophin given, still no response.

HO#1: Ada siapa-siapa call medical? call relative?

SN: No.

HO#1: Make sure panggil. Suruh SN3 yang tengah serve ubat kat tu call.

After 45mins CPR still no response.

HO#3: MO, do you still one to proceed?

MO: Huh? Kita dah buat semua kan? Ada ape-ape lagi?

HO#3: MO, do you think we should pronounce death?

MO: Erm…

(pause…)

MO: Okaylah

*documentation done*

HO#1: What’s the cause of death?

MO: Kena bagi cause of death ke?

HO#3: I think it is APO secondary to CCF and CRF. Maybe it’s time to call the medical team and our specialist to discuss.

MO: Okay.

After discussion: Cause of death: Acute Pulmonary Edema secondary to CCF

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORAL OF THE STORY: Dear HO colleagues, HO life is not all fun and relax. Sure, we will always be covered by MO, but remember, we will become MO (or even specialist) one day. It is very important to learn the most from your housemanship days. Otherwise, it will be regrettable.

And NEVER EVER GIVE INSTRUCTIONS: buat apa-apa yang patut.
Do ask what has been done, and give further plans of what else can be done while you are on your way to see the patient.
When a HO calls his MO, means he needs help. (or he needs to be covered)
Imagine documenting :
S/T DR XXX, case and progress and Investigation noted. Plan: To carry out all necessary procedures. (apa-apa yang patut?)

Please, be a safe doctor.

HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 10:23:00 +0000

WORLD HISTORY:
The Songkran festival (Thai: สงกรานต์, from Sanskrit saṃkrānti,^[1] "astrological passage") is celebrated in Thailand as the traditional New Year's Day from 13 to 15 April. It coincides with the New Year of many calendars of South and Southeast Asia.

The most obvious celebration of Songkran is the throwing of water. Thais roam the streets with containers of water or water guns (sometimes mixed with mentholated talc), or post themselves at the side of roads with a garden hose and drench each other and passersby. This, however, was not always the main activity of this festival. Songkran was traditionally a time to visit and pay respects to elders, including family members, friends, neighbors, and monks.

(source: wikipedia)

OUR HISTORY:

13 APRIL 2009, BANGKOK : We celebrated the Thai New Year with water splashing, water guns and white powder.. there was live bands, and even the fireman involved!! wow!! an awesome experience!!!

All messed up from Songran!!
Btw, Songkran or Thai New Year is celebrated with water splashing.. the streets were filled with people splashing water, shooting with waterguns, and wiping each other faces with white powder...

all messy and dirty...

more amazingly, there were even live bands and the firemens participating in this grand event in silom street and khaosan street!! but we didnt manage to capture them on film... need a waterproof camera for that, haha!

happy songkran = THIS GUY CARRIES A HUGE WATERGUN, BEWARE!!

the cars and taxis were not left out... tuk-tuks passengers were all wet!
i remember leaving finger prints marks on every car we saw, wahaha!! happy songran festival!!

Songran festival: people equiped with water guns and pails of water... even on vehicles.. searching for victims.. noone is spared!

So, everyone, wishing you a good HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

If you are planning a water party, count me in! ^^

Katy Perry - Firework (inspiring lyrics)

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 15:09:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Dear diary,

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 12:29:00 +0000

Dear diary,

I had been rather depressed (correction: emotional) for the past week. It is a feeling that is rather hard to express. I wanted to get a drink, maybe to chill out and relax, to forget everything, yet, I couldn't.

That was when I realized, I had no one here to turn to.

I DO NOT BELONG HERE.

I am not the sociable kind of person.

I am not friendly.

I am not histrionic.

I do not open up easily to a friend, it takes time, time to build trust and comfort.

(at least in my case)

So, I had to pay for the consequences for being who I am.

I had a problem with adaptation. I always had. When I move to a new place, I would try to run away from it.

I dread being in a new place. It gives me no comfort, that new place.

Maybe it was partly because of my childhood memory, the time when I was 9 year old, and my family decided to move from Subang Jaya to Seremban. I was suddenly told that I had to leave. I resented it. And No, I had no vote in it. And I left, without a word or notice.

So, each time I go somewhere new, I get the same feeling all over again.

When I first shifted to Seremban, I resented it in my new primary school. I was exceptionally quiet – according to my report card. When I entered university, same resentment. And when I came to Melacca- resentment.

I hate it that everytime, when I reach a comfort zone, I had to leave.

And here, I am unsure, whether I have found my comfort zone.

Funny, being nearly two years here in Melaka,.. I had not one person to turn to in times of sadness.

I just could not open up. (it’s not them, it’s me) Friends here are cool, nice, but just, we do not talk feelings. We are lunch partners, dinner partners, shopping-partners, movie-partners, bowling-partners, happy-times-partners. They see me as a happy person, having a good career, a good family, a good boyfriend. Even when my world turns up-side-down.

Perhaps, it is because, at every opportunity, I ran home. When it is the weekends, even when I am post-call, tired and sleepy, I grab the keys and drive. I had to. I just had to get out of here. I missed my high school days and university days, those times that we can talk about almost anything.

I DO NOT BELONGED HERE.

IT IS TIME TO DECIDE, TO STAY OR TO MOVE.

I know I will miss my happy-times-partners…. And I feared again, the need to adapt again, the resentment.

My mum said, this is the circle of life, friends come and go. And I noticed, my mum is so occupied with work and family, she never meets up with any of her old friends. ‘we lost touch’ – she said.

It makes me wonder, will I be like that when I grow older, reach forties.

I think mum is a very strong women.

And I, I am not as strong as her.

I needed friends, close friends, the happy-times-and-sad-times-friends.

Just in case, if things did not turn out well, I needed something to fall on.

Love isn’t everything, Work isn’t everything, Then, WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 13:30:00 +0000

They say,

Love isn’t everything,

Work isn’t everything,

Then, WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

Say we wake up at 6 in the morning, get to work at 7, plus minus the traffic jam, starts work at 8am, be very lucky enough to leave at 5pm, reach home in more or less 6pm… that is like 7am-6pm, which makes about 11 hours which is 45% of our day (11 out of 24 hours), EXCLUDING on-calls, studies, etc… furthermore, if we were to minus 8 hours of sleep, our job makes up 68% of our life… (i know, it is a sad fact, isn't it)

So, whatever JOB we choose, seriously, we MUST LOVE (LOVE, not just like, yes, deep-down-inside-L-O-V-E) it, right???

Then, we get home, we spend the remaining 13 hours with our love ones, whether friends, family, or the other half… laughed about what happened at work... share each other's experience, give each other comfort, give each other a pat in the shoulder, encouragement, love, smiles, support, surely, we SHOULD have a home to get back to, shouldn’t we? shouldn't we enjoy the other part of life to the fullest??

So, if we were to have a life partner, we SHOULD LOVE (LOVE, not just like) him (or her), right???

Imagine, if you had to remove that first half… so like I had to go to work, doing something I don’t like, 11 hours a day, for lets say, the next 2 years… how would it feel like?? Living that daily routine, dreading to get up for work, being blue all mondays and throughout the week.... Horrible. ain't it??? Well, at least I get to come home to people I loved… maybe that will make up for the 45% of the day, maybe not enough...

On the other hand, imagine, if you keep the first, and remove the second half… so like, I do something I like very much, live my passion, follow my dreams… but at the end of the day, I come home to an empty rented home… cuddle myself to sleep, treat myself when ill, dapao food home or called for delivery, watch VCD on my laptop until i doze off, … is that happiness?

So,

when forced to make a decision,
i was torn apart between two worlds...

So,

when forced to make a decision,

I asked,

WHY CAN’T WE HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS??

WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

so, we live only once, heck it!

BABIES DO NOT GROW ON TREES. PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 15:39:00 +0000

I was on call in the operating theater (OT) last night.

It was quite an eventful night. Very taxing, both physically and emotionally.

Then, there was this case which was put up at about 4am in the morning.

There was this 4 year old boy, let’s call him XY, 13 kg, with total amputation of the left middle finger and amputation of the tip of the 4^th finger with open fracture of the middle phalanx. Are they going to resuture the finger? – I asked Khalidah. She was not sure either.

The child arrived at the OT. Small and fretful. I could not imagine how mischievous he might have been, to be involved in such accident. He held on to his mother.

Further history from the mother, XY was playing alone when his hand, in her very own words, ‘tersepit kat pintu’. How did it happened?? I blurred, she replied ‘tak tahu lah’. DENIAL. I quickly ran through some short medical and surgical history and examined the child, then pushed him to OR6. (Operating Room 6).

The child was put under general anesthesia and the orthopedic team planned for a refashioning on his fingers, which means, no they were not going to reattach his fingers. This was obvious right from the start – we did not have a hand surgeon in hospital Melaka.

I went through the case notes later, only to discover the hidden agenda. The child was the youngest out of 4 sibling. He was playing alone at home, at the door, when the accident happened. His parents brought him to the hospital only FOUR hours later. The ortho team initially planned to refer and transfer them to Hospital Serdang for reattachment, however, the parents refused for referral because of ‘domestic issues’.

WTF!

I mean it is difficult to salvage a finger which had been amputated for 4 hours, but if you were the mother, and you know that your kid still have a chance to reattached the amputated limb, wouldn’t you go all out??? And they say mother’s love is the greatest love of all… I cannot be too sure. His father wasn’t around for opinions either. Just because you think you can have as many babies as you like, it does not mean you get to neglect them.

BABIES DO NOT GROW ON TREES.

PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

It pains my heart so very much when seeing incidents like that. What if the child grew up and wanted to be a surgeon? What if he wanted to be a pianist? Of course, there is prosthesis and all, but why not give him a chance? It is such a sad story….

To add salt to the wound, rub it in, there was another unfortunate case last night, following that case. 10 year old girl, let’s call her XX, came with amputated right ring finger, case put up by orthopeadic team for refashioning of finger. From the history, it was an accident, the child was riding on a bicycle when her finger caught between the wheel and amputated. I feel sorry for the girl. She would never wear her wedding ring perfectly again. It is so sad.

I think I will not like my next houseman posting – orthopeadics. It is a ‘BRUTAL’ department, I think, with lots of amputations which I could not bear to see. Amputation of finger, or fingers, toes, limbs, BKA, AKA, etc…. I wonder how would I ever survive the OT then.

My GA MO, Soon, newly wed last month, apparently, he shared similar opinions, he said disappointedly, ‘I really cannot understand these parents, how could they leave their kids like this’.

I replied, ‘Soon, when you have kids, please take good care of them’

i think parent-ship can be one of the biggest challenges...

sometimes, i wonder how my parents did it...

they must have been like SUPER MOM and SUPER DAD...

how i missed you...

will be home soon...

(p/s: names and demographic data had been modified to preserve confidentiality)

GOODBYE 2010, HELLO 2011... reflections

noreply@blogger.com (confessions of a medical student) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:32:00 +0000

FINALLY, another year had passed... and we are one year older, one year wiser, and perhaps we should count ourselves lucky that we had survived another year, made it through... while some others didn't. Working in a hospital, what more the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), kind of made me appreciate life more... now that i'm seeing death almost every day of my life... informing DIL to nearly half the patients in the ward... yup, it's a sad place, and we should appreciate every single day...

Last year, i made some reflections on the year 2009.... and this year... i think i shall make it a tradition, to reflect back again... to appreciate the gains,... acknowledge the loss... be stronger,... set new goals... and look forward for a better, brighter, if not happier, future... ^^ let's cherish and celebrate the new year together! ^^

2010 has been very eventful and fruitful for my life as a house officer in Hospital Melacca.

i remembered the girl with the ectopic pregnancy which came during my oncall with Dr Kuharaj...where the patient lost over 3 liters of blood... it keeps bleeding and pouring... Thank God, she was managed to be saved.... (read more in together, we can make a difference)

Then, there was the time i entered the houseman-greatest-feared-posting-in-hospital-melacca when i was VERY convinced that my boss loved my very much... and sometimes, i get a little demotivated as i slaved myself day and night... until one day, something GREAT happened... and changed everything.... and Dr Mitesh made it possible when i did my first skin-to-skin appendicectomy...

I entered peadiatrics.... and i learnt some interesting, yet sad stories.... and worked on every Raya Day...

and then came GA, General Anaesthesia where i actually get to do my very first spinal anaesthesia and it was AWESOME!

Well, apart from work, i did find something else...

I got very, Very, VERY CONFUSED at first....

some days could be depressing....

until finally, i found my LOVE-AT-First-Sight....

and that changed everything...

OH YES, not to forget, i had an AWESOME BIRTHDAY this year...

although i did not yet all that i've wished for...

i had a GREAT celebration with FAMILY and FRIENDS.... ^^

i got to spent it with a special someone this year.... and had some happy moments....

i keep myself reminded of my loved ones at home... my parents whom i loved very much...

Reminiscing the past made me missed my friends very much... the times we spent on the rocks.... the fun we had at SongKran Festival, Bangkok...

oh YES, i also had some BOUTS OF PATRIOTISM....

and then i stopped at a COMMA.... and did a reflection....

Looking back, i think, generally, i had a great year... ^^

Confessions of a medical officer

Shadows from the past

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care at all.

Are we just too busy building sand castles in the sky???

Listen, Listen, LISTEN, Let Me Speak....

WELL SAID BAWANI!!! you are the voice of the people and you are strong and courages!!! Puan Sharifah should let Bawani finish first and not cut her short, and take away her mic. She is just a child. Let her finish then teach her and guide her.

L.O.V.E.

The sky is no longer the limit

Even when your heart is breaking, keep smiling.

The canvas painting of a thousand words, takes a thousand more to decipher…

Is the MC worth it?

My stomach crumbled, Churned like a butter mixer, Never getting it right. Gripping, and pulling, colicky as they described it. The pain shoots up the spine. I rolled myself in fetal position, trying to relieve the pain, hoping to feel better. God seemed to show no mercy.

The pain intensified. The alarm rings in the background. Forcing me to drag myself out of bed

I HATE WORK

I HATE WORK AT TIMES LIKE THIS

I popped another pill, Set myself on autopilot-mode

The clinics were as busy as the usual, heavy. I do my usual, seeing-patients, flipping the slit lamps, swinging it back and forth.

Some people say time heals. In my case, time only amplifies the pain. I popped another pill. Not helping much. Paracetamol, Ponstan, even Arcoxia I’ve tried, - what next? Maybe I need some food, I forced down a piece of bread, not much help. The frequent toilet trips is killing me.

Why not just go to the Emergency Department? Get an MC and go back to rest. –she suggested. Do I really need that? – I hesitated, trying to put on a strong upfront.

I tried to see a few more patients, but not much progress. The nurse later found me rolled up on the examination bed. How embarrassing.... They need not need to see me like this. Maybe this was my limit, I need to rest at my own space and privacy.

So, I gave my friend in ED a call and head down to the ED.

Half way, I kind of regretted not asking my staff nurse to wheel me there. I started to feel a little light-headed for a while. No, I cannot faint, i said to myself. I pause and prayed that the pain will go away. The Emergency was white. Bright. Like those you see in movies. I spotted my friend.

I told him my problem, straight forward – I AM SICK, I CANNOT WORK, I NEED AN MC.

Perhaps my face couldn’t hide the pain. Short history taken.Likely dysmenorrhea. Differentials: AGE, UTI.

Being all bossy and all, he said to his houseman, - access pain score, set line, send bloods, send urine FEME, give IV morphine stat. STAT.

‘Do I need a branula?’ ( my heart : NO WAY! Just give me my MC please)

He took my left hand in his, a pink branula in the other. ‘you won’t miss right?’ I asked, hoping for reassurance. ‘I’ll try.’ ( my heart : TRY???)

I caught the houseman, Ashok,giggling at the sight.( my heart: Do you mind screening the curtains? Why? I am human too, and I have every right to be afraid of needles, right?)

‘No worries. Morphine will help with the pain’ he said and gave me the trust-me-look in the eyes. I am not sure whether it was those kind eyes, or my low-threshold for pain, or my minimal strength and will to fight. And so, I gave in. Whatever you think is best.

The next thing I knew, the nurse pushed that syringe of Morphine. Bolus. So, I officially lost my morphine-virginity…in other words, I am a drug user, officially.

I expected to feel a dash of ‘high’-ness or adrenaline rush. You know, the way you feel when you are almost drunk, almost. Tip of the tip.

We joked about life-and-death-situations, we joked at diseases and illnesses. Others get surprised with these humour.We never thought that, one day, the joke can be on us.

After all the events, I felt numbed. My body just lay there, incapacitated. Unable to do anything, unable to feel anything else.

how about bumiputra rights for the Chinese and Indians too??? 1 MALAYSIA...

Came upon an interesting article online...

i was thinking, Jib-kor, how about bumiputra rights for the Chinese and Indians too???

1 MALAYSIA...

if you make that possible, you have my vote...

Bumiputra benefits for Thais in Malaysia

I do not believe in long distance relationships

my current feeling.... soooo LAZY.....

Crazy Marriage Proposal

a fallen star

Work, family, friends, health and spirit

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

MEGLIO - a new look? a new hook?

A CALL WITH A FANTASTIC MO

HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

Katy Perry - Firework (inspiring lyrics)

Dear diary,

Love isn’t everything, Work isn’t everything, Then, WHAT IS EVERYTHING???

BABIES DO NOT GROW ON TREES. PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

GOODBYE 2010, HELLO 2011... reflections

My stomach crumbled, Churned like a butter mixer, Never getting it right. Gripping, and pulling, colicky as they described it. The pain shoots up the spine. I rolled myself in fetal position, trying to relieve the pain, hoping to feel better.

God seemed to show no mercy.

Why not just go to the Emergency Department? Get an MC and go back to rest. –she suggested.

Do I really need that? – I hesitated, trying to put on a strong upfront.

Half way, I kind of regretted not asking my staff nurse to wheel me there. I started to feel a little light-headed for a while. No, I cannot faint, i said to myself. I pause and prayed that the pain will go away.

The Emergency was white. Bright. Like those you see in movies. I spotted my friend.

Perhaps my face couldn’t hide the pain.

Short history taken.Likely dysmenorrhea. Differentials: AGE, UTI.

‘No worries. Morphine will help with the pain’ he said and gave me the trust-me-look in the eyes.

I am not sure whether it was those kind eyes, or my low-threshold for pain, or my minimal strength and will to fight. And so, I gave in. Whatever you think is best.