Confessions of an amateur tennis player

Blonde tennis joke

2008-04-20T11:11:00.000-04:00

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennisball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it intothe pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing,waiting for the lights to change.
A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts."What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the blonde sympathetically, "that must be painful.... Ihad tennis elbow once."

Study regarding recreational preferences

2008-04-20T11:08:00.000-04:00

... After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Twas The Night Before City Playoffs

2008-03-28T23:40:00.002-04:00

Twas the night before city playoffs and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except the one that should have been asleep! I'm sitting here surfing the internet and watching Oprah's big give. Hmmm....I hope I give big tomorrow! Big hard serves, big high lobs, big smashing overheads, big numbers on my side of the scoreboard! But most of all...I feel a big accomplishment, not because we have made it to the city playoffs, but because we didn't give up after being knocked out of the playoffs over and over and over again. We kept playing, we kept trying, we kept learning and finally we have arrived. But that is the funny thing about competition, we have arrived here and are feeling the satisfaction, but tomorrow after the match, we will be forward looking to our next dream....arriving here again at the next level of play. It may take us years again to arrive here or we may never arrive, but the journey is so exciting it can not be resisted! Tennis rules!!!

Is good sportsmanship still alive in tennis?

2008-03-23T01:32:00.004-04:00

After today's match, I pondered the question if good sportsmanship is still alive and well in tennis. The ladies we played didn't do anything wrong exactly, well...a couple of line calls, but beyond that they didn't do anything wrong. However, I felt that they didn't do a lot of things that were right. First of all, they beat us soundly in the first set. We gave them lots of positive comments, such as "good serve", "nice shot", "good return". They however, never even uttered the words, "Thank you."

During the second set, my partner and I decided just to be overly polite to ourselves. When one of us made a good shot, we would turn to each other and say.."nice shot" and the other person would reply "why, thank you!" and then the first person would reply," you are welcome!" It almost became entertainment to us, which of course relaxed us and we began to play better. Suddenly we found one of our opponents saying nice shot, good serve etc. while her partner became more and more agitated. She didn't seem to be having as much fun as the rest of us on the court. In fact, her actions became more aggressive. When returning loose balls, she began throwing them in the opposite directions from where we were standing so we had to chase them. She even hit a ball directly at me when my back was turned. (lucky her...she missed!) At the end of the match, yes, she did shake our hands. Mine is still tender from her strong squeeze. However, she did not say...good match, kiss my ..., nothing.

I thought about many of my matches over the years and realized that the competitiveness in us all is slowly eroding good sportsmanship. Myself included. While pondering this, I thought of some of the people I have played that have shown good sportsmanship and plan to incorporate some of these examples in my own game. My partner and I once played a team that would say "good call" when those tough line calls were made...even when they weren't in their favor. We marveled at that match. Thought it was interesting and wondered to each other why they would do that, but the next week we found ourselves doing it. Sometimes I still do it. Not as often though.

So I say to you all, lets bring the manners back into our game and enjoy the game and each other just a little more!

During the Off Season

2007-11-29T20:24:00.000-05:00

Ok...I'm not playing tennis, so instead I'm surfing the web. I wanted to share some interesting websites I have found this week.

Freerice.com Improve your vocabulary and feed the world.

Tennisorbit.com Kind of like facebook, but for tennis players. Don't forget to add me as a friend. Call me SmashGal.

pumpone.com They have fitness programs you can download to your ipod and one especially for tennis.

katyshops.wordpress.com Cool ideas for gifts either for someone else or for yourself.

http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Tennis-And-Dating-Lessons&id=850827 Jackie's article on ezine.

Neighborhood Net News

2007-11-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Marla and Michael Moulder for winning their division in T2 and making it to the city playoffs! If anyone knows how they did in the city playoffs, please add it here.

Congratulations to Linda Rakowiecki for making it to the KSwiss playoffs! Linda, if you find that you will be playing Veronica, please let me know so I can bring a cheering section!

Currently in 1st or 2nd place in their T2 divisions
Linda Howell/Tonya Hensley
Casie Akoubian/Linda Rakowiecki
Piper Yarnall/Jinelle Brooks
Jackie Hamilton/Karen Simmons

Please let me know if you know of anyone else currently playing and I will add them to the next update.

Super Service

2007-11-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

I like to pass it along when I receive super service.

I would like to thank the guy at Tires Plus on the corner of Old Peachtree and Buford Hwy that loaned Jackie and I a tire jack to change her tire. Guess how many people and tire jacks it takes to change a Volkswagon Jetta's tire and you might win a prize!

Would also like tell you about the personal attention I received from http://www.bookcrossing.com/. I was so impressed with the idea that I shared it with lots of friends and added it to my blog. I got a very nice email from and a comment on my blog from the CEO, Scott. THAT is what you call personalized attention!

"God don't like ugly!"

2007-11-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

Ok. I have heard some pretty strange things on the tennis courts. Yes, I've even said some pretty strange things. But this comment took the prize, especially in the context it was said. Jackie and I were playing a T2 match at Collins Hill. The play had been very close but an all around fun match. 6-4, 4-6 and then we were in a tiebreaker for the 3rd set. The bad guys were down in the tie breaker when I hit a pretty hard shot toward my opponent's alley. I must interject here...I had been hitting some great alley shots on this particular day. Anyhooo, the ball hit the net with a pretty loud pop and landed on my side when suddenly my opponent burst out with "God don't like ugly?" This comment was coming from a woman wearing red contacts ! At first, I thought she was saying it in fun because we had been going back and forth with witty comments. After realizing that she was not in jest, I, on my high horse, said, " Excuse me?". She repeated "God don't like ugly and you were trying to hit me". My only retort was,"I'm just trying to win this match and it is kind of hard against bad line calls and people refusing to admit to double bounces." To which she indignitely replied," I never make bad line calls." I think my partner may have said something but the incredulous look on her face made me forget what she might have said. I told her, let's just shake it off and play. On the base line, I begged Jackie to tell her that if I had been trying to hit her...well, I would have hit her! Probably more than once. Unfortunately, I must have been ugly that day because we did not perservere and win.

As we were driving away, I heard through my open window.."God don't like ugly!!" and looked into my rear view mirror to see Jackie laughing hysterically in her car. In the recent days, we have had several laughs at Veronica's expense. Many of our friends have laughed at the story and I hope you will have found some humor in it too!

If you have had stranger comments on the tennis courts, please add them here. Also, feel free to enlighten us if you have had the pleasure of playing Veronica. Apparently she plays T2, KSwiss, ALTA and the League because she kept telling us that she was a solid 3.0 player. I guess that is why she is playing 2.5.

The Book Swap

2007-11-03T16:44:00.000-04:00

I got the bright idea to host a book swap brunch. I invited several of my girlfriends, told them to bring 5-10 books to swap and a breakfast item. Two days before the party, I realized that I didn't exactly know what we were going to "do" during this party. Suddenly I had visions of bridezillas fighting each other for the perfect dress and immediately envisioned my mild manner friends fighting over the perfect book. I immediately tapped into the internet to see what other people did at these parties. It was there that I came across the link for www.bookcrossing.com . Soon I had forgotten my real reason for surfing and was reading all through the bookcrossing website. It impressed me so much that I had to share it at the bruch. After we had all grabbed the books we wanted, there was a pile left. I told everyone about the website and they all agreed we should take one book, register it on the website and set it free. We were all particularly excited about a trip that one of the ladies was about to take to Australia and she plans to leave the book in the airport there. After we had all taken the books to set free, we agreed to take the rest to a woman's shelter so they could be set free also. We decided to do another swap in 3 months and are all very excited to see where our books may have traveled by then! Stay tuned for an update.

If you are reading this post and want to join www.bookcrossing.com please enter my name SmashGal as the referrer so we can see how each other's books are traveling. The more the merrier.

Out!

2007-10-07T20:48:00.000-04:00

The turtles are ready to rumble!!!(Jackie)

Five for Five!

I'm still trying to decide what what was the most exciting. A come back to win from 0-5 bad guys or the way Linda Howell jumped up and charged the old rude guy. For a split moment, I thought someone was stealing the holy cow cake! Then Mary and JR rushed past and I am completely flipping. There was a fight brewing and HEY! I'm not even involved. Our sweet little captain is giving the rude dude the what for. Then it is over as quickly as it started and the ladies are playing again. I am amazed at their determination and mental discipline as the play resumes. We are cheering, they are cheering. I am smoking and Jackie is smoking. They are scoring and we are scoring. They are cheering but we are cheering more and scoring more and finally success!

Congratulations line five for bringing five home today!

And a special shout out to JR for talking me down off the ledge of my temper and for being our hero. Laugh..I later told Warren......I was wondering how many of us it was going to take to take JR down if he started wailing on the rude dude?

You won't believe this

2007-09-30T18:01:00.000-04:00

I've got nothing to say about this week.

Weldon here I come and you better not be speaking Bosnian when I get there!

The Sunday to be forgotten

2007-09-29T21:03:00.000-04:00

My partner and I are waiting on the courts for our opponents to join us. I'm already aggravated and the day just went down hill from there. My temper, however, continued to climb uphill for the entire match. Laugh...when Jackie tells me I am out of line....I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of line.

Sitting on the hill watching the rest of the match, I heard horror stories, one by one, from the rest of my team. Afterwards there was a flurry of emails. They all said the same thing. We may have lost, but we all kept our dignity and our integrity. Well, everyone except me. I wouldn't say I behaved in a dignified way. : )

Most importantly, this is what I learned or rather remembered, from all the emails. I play tennis with a great bunch of women. All supportive. All with integrity. All around a great group of ladies.

This is where I would usually say...let's go out and kick some butt, but on the eve on our next match, I will leave you all with, lets go out and have some great matches.

and kick some butt. (I couldnt resist)

Secret squirrel strategies for winning

2007-09-22T16:48:00.000-04:00

Jackie's and I have an all time favorite....we must clack racquets..even when they make the good shot.
Use your frame as much as you can.....it provides much harder (crazy) shots to return.
Cheering from the crowd...even/especially when we make bad shots.
I learned this week that havng a partner that hits the opponent at least 10 times helps.
Voodoo is helpful....everyone bring your lucky charm.
When your opponent makes a really good serve....keep telling them how great is was...the pressure will be so great they wont be able to do it again.
I MUST hold ALL of the balls when serving.
I change the opponents scores but never my own. (Don't ask-I dont know why)
Rubbing your cookies on the net only improves your chance of winning.
Don't let the other team see you sweat(frustration)
Another one of our favorites...just because the other opponents seem like they are in shape does not mean they are going to win against us Clydesdales!
Our number one strategy is to walk out onto the court with a mountain dew and cigarrette complaining about the heat...Laugh..they think they have us beat everytime.

Feel free to add your own secret strategies. Just click on the comment button below.

Quote

2007-09-19T09:38:00.000-04:00

“Never use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.”

Tennis website for singles

2007-09-18T11:00:00.001-04:00

Courtmetennis has a special promotion to introduce their new dating league. Sign up for a trial offer absolutely free. You will be matched with 5 other tennis players in your area for a fun night of tennis and socializing. It is a great way to meet new people and possibly meet that special someone. So grab those racquets and join the fun!

The Table was Set

2007-09-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

The tennis table looked wonderful this week. A special shout out to Piper for adding her pretty little table cloth holders. Cute idea. Unfortunately I didnt get to partake in the food because OF COURSE I PLAYED 3 SETS! However, I heard that the kids treasure chest was a hugh hit! Thanks Christine!

I also didnt get to see much of anyone's game because I was playing in the dungeon due to a swarm of bees on court 3. I was lucky enough to see Casey and Linda play. Wow! They have really formed a solid team. I kept admiring Casey's grace and Linda's hard forehand.

In a recap of our match, all I can say is that I was totally annoyed during the entire first set. I can not, repeat, can not play moon ball tennis players and I was mad at myself. The 2nd set looked pretty doomed as we were down 1-4 and then suddenly it occured to me...you have to play their game to beat them. So I started lobbing all of their serves and Lori smashed their returns either at their feet or at their face. Laugh...she had no mercy. We made a run for it and finally won in a tiebreaker. I had my smoke with line 6 and she told Lori and I not to have pity on the sweet looking one because she kept smirking every time we made a mistake. Apparently that was all we needed to hear, because the opponent was hit at least 10 times by my partner and 3 times by me. They tried to change their strategy and go to an I formation which Lori promptly made them look silly for trying.

Alas, we overcame our rocky start and won. But the best part of the day was when we walked off the court, the opponents thought I was the "nice player". They even shook my hand. : ) Thanks Lori!

Lessons with Weldon

2007-09-15T18:03:00.000-04:00

10 things I heard from Weldon at tennis practice

10. NEW! QUEENS 10, 9,8,7....321.
9. Back to the baseline (this is accompanied with a flick of the racquet to make you move)
8 . Move your feet
7. Keep your eye on the ball
6. Get your feet set before you hit the ball
5. Where were you? (This always accompanied with a look of disbelief that you didnt follow your partner)
4. Move your feet!
3. Hold your racquet out (does that mean that the last ball was mine?)
2. Keep your head still
1. Move your feet KAREN.

Doesnt he know that I am nicknamed Concrete Converse for a reason?

Gotta love that Weldon.

Sunday September 9

2007-09-09T22:13:00.000-04:00

Our first match of the fall season. We had 3 husbands in attendance and lots of kids. The day was sunny. The skys were bright and we were confident in our line up. I looked to the left and gauged the competition for line 2. Uh oh, I had seen that tall girl before. I looked at our team and sighed with relief. Christine, our team runner, was playing her and Marcy would make quick work of her short shots. I looked to my right to judge line 1. Linda and Piper! Yep it was going to be a good match. Jackie and I clicked our racquets and began to play. We were neck and neck with these ladies. At this point I was still pretty confident. And I was right....we won the first set. The second set began as I noticed how sunburnt I already was. I looked up and noticed that many of the spectators had moved inside to the air conditioning and we had lost 1 husband and a couple of kids. Still feeling pretty confident in the 2nd set even as they passed us. Suddenly it was 2-5. My serve. Jackie was having chills. I asked her...should I throw it so we can break between the 2nd and 3rd set? No she replied...let's keep fighting. First serve and suddenly an overwhelming urge for a cig. I could see that Jackie was struggling with the heat. It was a very quick game. Into the air in the clubhouse we went. Snacks for all. On hindsight, the carrots were not a good idea. A smoke and then back out into the heat. Again, the carrots were not a good idea. Our finally set was 3-6, bad guys won. My thought as I was walking off the courts..."I'm just glad I didnt yak the carrots."

From our view on the hill, I looked out to see how line 4 were doing. Wow..Casey and Linda R were on fire! The whole time I was watching them, I kept thinking how much they had both improved over the summer. I wanted to feel sorry for myself because I kept thinking...where the heck did my game go? But then I noticed my stomach sitting in my lap and knew the answer....I had been eating real good this summer instead of playing tennis. Keri and Mary's game caught my eye. Wow they were playing really well. Playing T2 had really solidified their game.

Unfortunately, duties called and I had to leave the match. I sit here tonight wondering how well we did today. Did Linda and Casie win? Did Mary and Keri win? I will find out in practice tomorrow night. I smile to myself when I think of Weldon. He always makes me smile, except when he hits those dang short shots. Weldon!

Post your top 10 tennis list here

2007-09-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

Please post your top 10 tennis list here. Be creative and feel free to share this blog with your tennis friends.

Top 10 list

2007-09-01T18:51:00.000-04:00

Today's top 10 list of my confession. Are any of you guilty of these?
10. I look at my strings if I make a bad shot. (There must be something wrong with the racquet)
9. I'm a ball hog. I hold all the balls when I serve.
8. I try to hold all the balls when you are serving too.
7. I've got a lot of superstitions. (Thanks to one of my partners. Christine! )
6. I secretly think I should beat everyone I play.
5. I sometimes hit people on purpose.
4. If I do hit you on purpose, I never mean it when I say, "I'm sorry".
3. I hate playing people that wear all white. It generally means they are cute and in shape.
2. Bad line calls really make me insane and I lose focus.
1. When bad line calls are made, refer to line 5.