Connie's Adventures

Weary?

2020-10-25T16:56:00.001-04:00

If you're anything like me, it's hard to believe we're at the end of October and still very much in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life is not back to normal. Depending on where you live, meetings sizes are restricted (if allowed at all), people wear masks in public, travel is limited or non-existent, schools are meeting virtually...I could go on. Progress has been made on a vaccine, but many people have already said they won't get it for various reasons and so the question is when will these restrictions lift and life go back to normal? Or will it ever?

I'm weary of the restrictions and a continual sense of chaos (Are numbers up or down? Can we do "X" activity right now or not?) like everyone else. But as I take stock of my soul, I realize that the weariness is driven at least equally by the controversies, polarization, and growing judgmentalism all around me. Between COVID-19 and the election, it seems it is hard to find common ground even among mature believers. Social media exacerbates all of it, I am sure, but the conversations happen in real life too.

The number of new situations we are all navigating right now is substantially higher than normal, or at least it feels that way. Each week I interact and work with people all along the spectrum of concern about the virus. Different family members (back in the States) fall at different places on the spectrum. Several times I've been in situations that I need to attend and event for my job where there will likely be few precautions taken and I feel uncomfortable. Many times I've been asked why I am afraid of a virus and therefore following the government's set precautions. The short answer is that I take precautions to help protect others (by wearing a mask, social distancing, etc.) and hope that others will do the same to help protect me, which deflects the question a bit.

But I do have fear as well and wish that it wasn't taboo to say that. I'd like to think it's a healthy fear with all the unknowns surrounding this virus. I live alone in a foreign country with a weak health care system. Who would take care of me if I got a worse case? (There's another single gal in my city and we would be there for each other if needed, but I would feel badly if she got sick because of me.) There are no options for private care should I get very sick with COVID-19 and need medical attention. The thought of needing to rely on the public health care system here is concerning. So, yes, I take precautions and I wish everyone else did too!

However, life doesn't stop and plenty of people here do not follow the government's set precautions. So in the situations where I'm more exposed, I ask God for protection, take the precautions I can, and then trust the Lord with whatever happens. It is stretching and uncomfortable. But we do have to learn to live with this virus until we have vaccines and understand more about it. Most of us can't live as hermits until then, plus there is an ever-increasing percentage of people around the world slipping deeper into poverty because of shutdowns and restrictions.

Is there an easy answer to any of this? Not really. We need to learn how to love, respect, and care for others who have a different view of the current events without an attitude of judgmental superiority. We need to learn how to be critical thinkers and evaluate what we are absorbing from the news or social media. We need to learn how to see a middle ground in a world that seems to want to live in polarized extremes.

I find myself thinking and meditating on the Kingdom of God more these days. For believers, we are first and foremost citizens of the Kingdom prior to being citizens of an earthly country. Jesus taught repeatedly about the Kingdom of God. As citizens of that Kingdom, we live with a different set of values and guiding principles (and these will align with different political parties on different issues or with none of them at all). We need to dive into learning how to live out that citizenship and encourage other believers to do the same because none of us are just going to fall into living out principles of the Kingdom of God by accident.

To bring this back around to cultures, we need to be sure that we are viewing our culture wherever we live through the lens of the Bible, not the other way around. It's hard to analyze one's own culture and worldview if you've not been exposed to other cultures and worldviews. We need to live in a way that is counter-cultural, but interacts in love with the dominant culture, not rejecting it and creating an isolated subculture. Then we need to teach those following us how to do the same. Easier said than done, but working together, grounded in Scripture and led by the Spirit, I am praying we can do it!

COVID-19: Universal Culture Shock, part 3

2020-04-01T10:19:00.000-04:00

Today I'm wrapping up this mini-series (for now at least!) with some thoughts on how we can move through the phases of culture shock we are experiencing to a place of recovery, which I described in yesterday's post.

This process is called acculturation, which is learning the appropriate behavior of a new culture (Grunlan & Mayers, 1988). In this case, the new culture is our social distancing, stay-at-home culture. So we are in a process of learning how to operate effectively within a new set of rules for this season.

Grunlan and Mayers say, "effective acculturation allows us to maintain our principles, and thus our self-respect, and yet cope with all the challenges and opportunities of the new culture" (p. 80). If you remember the diagram from yesterday, our goal is empathy and identification with this "new culture" in which we find ourselves. We don't need to completely turn our backs on the "old culture" but nor do we try to make this new culture exactly like the old. Acculturation includes the expectation that you will return to the old culture at some point, so you essentially develop a dual identity (Grunlan & Mayers). (Hmmm....an idea forming for another blog post on reverse culture shock once we are past this crisis!)

So how do we do this? How do we become adept at operating in this new culture? This will vary widely for each of us. Here's a brief list of steps to do this, based on my own training and experience living overseas:

1. Observe what has changed and learn what you can about it. Try to identify the specific change and also and how to react accordingly. All the restaurants have closed, so I can't go out to eat.
2. Identify what you need or want to accomplish. I want to spend time with my friend.
3. Find new ways to accomplish those needs and wants within the new setting. She and I could eat lunch together on Skype and talk.
4. Evaluate the experience, including feedback from others around you, and adjust your plan for next time. I got salad dressing on my computer and eating was distracting. But our conversation was good, so next time we'll just Skype without food. (Yes, this was a real life example!)

Seems simple enough, right? But right now we are doing this with a large number of scenarios all at the same time, which is what creates the sense of being overwhelmed. My advice is that you can't adjust everything all at the same time, but break it down first with the things you must do and then look at the things you want to do.

Also, keep in mind that some things will just not be possible at the moment. For example, we had to cancel our retreat with other overseas workers this month, which is quite disappointing to me. But the borders are closed, so I will just have to look forward to doing that next year. We will experience deprivation and disappointment during this time, and that's to be expected. Those are also tools that God can use to grow and mature us.

This process of going through culture shock and acculturation shares a lot in common with trauma recovery and the grief process. You can draw on your experiences with walking through those experiences as well to help in this weird situation (I won't get into those strategies - there's many resources on those topics already). But here are a few practical ideas to help you cope emotionally in these days:

- Make realistic goals for each day (these can even be simple...find toilet paper, keep my toddler engaged, learn how to use Zoom, etc.) and relish the sense of accomplishment as you check them off your list.
- Find ways to laugh. There are plenty of funny YouTube videos!
- Learn something new. There are lots of free instructional videos online these days!
- Journal, pray, and listen to uplifting music. Connect with the Lord, but don't be surprised if your mind wanders more than usual - you're likely overloaded with all the changes. Surrender that to Him.
- Talk with friends and engage in community as you are able to virtually.
- Make new enjoyable "traditions." For example, I learned I often have an afternoon "slump" now that I'm home all the time, so I learned how to make chia pudding which tastes like a dessert, but isn't too unhealthy. (hmm...it's about that time now!)

I hope some of this has been helpful! To close, Grunlan and Mayers offer another helpful insight that even as you come out of culture shock, you will likely still experience culture stress which is "...the realization that one will never fully assimilate within the new culture and develop the ability to cope with its various demands....Such tension leaves no emotional disability, but one simply has a sense of incompleteness in the new culture" (p. 81).

These weird days will likely not feel completely normal and we will still experience frustrations. However, as we work our way to the recovery stage of culture shock, we will regain our ability to function effectively within the new set of parameters. Community is meant to be experienced in person, for example. I am the first one to be thankful for the internet, which enables me to stay connected with my family and friends while I'm overseas. It's better than nothing, but it's a poor substitute for time together in person. Going to church online and having small groups online are good options for now, but they are poor substitutes for the real thing. So we will feel that frustration, and may it make us all the more glad to return to our usual gatherings once this season is over!

Grunlan, A.G., & Mayers, K.M. (1988). Cultural Anthropology: A Christian Perspective. Zondervan Publishing House.

COVID-19: Universal Culture Shock, part 2

2020-03-31T10:02:00.001-04:00

I was encouraged to hear that many identified with what I outlined in yesterday's blog post, so here's the next installment! Yesterday I identified that we were all in a state of culture shock from the speed at which life has changed due to COVID-19. Today I'd like to share three stages of culture shock (as described by Grunlan and Mayers, 1988) as well as three possible outcomes as we navigate the stages.

The first stage of culture shock is fascination. Things are new, perhaps somewhat exciting. For introverts like myself, there was a sense that it might not be so bad to spend all day every day at home. Think about the memes we saw on FB about introverts, quilters, gamers, etc. Depending on your situation and your personality, you might still be here. However, I think most people moved through this stage fairly quickly!

The second stage is rejection. The fun passes and the challenges become readily apparent. Everyone is on Zoom, so internet quality declines. The toilet paper is not restocked at the stores very quickly. You can't accomplish the same things at the same pace as before. According to Grunlan and Mayers (1988), "...the way of doing things in the new culture may seem capricious, without design or purpose. The newcomer becomes frustrated in attempting to function in the new culture by applying the 'rules' of his or her own culture" (p. 23). The difficulty in learning the new set of "rules" and how to operate in this current situation leads to frustration and resentment. We look for people to blame, are discontent, and we emotionally "reject" this situation. We long for when life was "normal" or even outwardly reject the government's guidelines. Many of us are in this stage!

The third stage of culture shock is recovery. We learn how to operate within this new "culture" and adjust our behavior to match the current realities. We accept the things that have changed and look for ways to operate within the new "rules." Our level of frustration decreases. We have changed, but not the situation around us. God created humans as adaptable beings and we learn and change as we make peace with our situation. Perhaps a few of us are on our way to recovery.

As we go through these stages, there are 3 possible outcomes: going native, going anti-native, or empathy & identification:

Here in this diagram, your old culture is a square and the new culture is a circle. If you go native, you fully reject your old culture and embrace the new one, becoming somewhat like a circle within the circle. If you go anti-native, you retain your old culture and attempt to make the new one around you match it. Neither of these are sustainable because we can't completely leave our old culture behind and a new culture will never fully match our old one. Instead, we can aim for empathy & identification. Here you retain aspects of your old ways, but your edges become a bit rounded in order to fit into the new reality. The new culture stretches a bit to accommodate the addition of someone (all of us in this case) with a different culture.

Obviously, we all hope this new season of staying home and social distancing does not continue long. However, it is continuing long enough that we need to find a way to adapt so that we can function as best as possible in the meanwhile. As we reach a place of recovery, the frustration will lessen, which is currently keeping us in conflict with ourselves and our world. In the next installment of this series I'll look at how we get there through a process called acculturation.

So where do you see yourself in this progression of culture shock? Can you identify the biggest stressors in your new culture? Can you release yourself from the expectation that you will function as if life is normal? In times of culture shock, our productivity decreases. We are internally processing a lot of new data and it bogs down our system. Maybe you need to take that nap (unless you have a toddler...good luck!) or watch a movie. Go for a walk if it's allowed where you live. Allow yourself to process all of this instead of beating yourself up about what you're not accomplishing. Hopefully you have an understanding boss. If not you'll have the additional challenge to look at other ways to make accommodations for yourself in this season. Stay tuned for part 3!

Allison, N.E. (2002). Class notes from Applied Anthropology. Toccoa Falls College.

Grunlan, A.G., & Mayers, K.M. (1988). Cultural Anthropology: A Christian Perspective. Zondervan Publishing House.

COVID-19: Universal culture shock, part 1

2020-03-30T06:35:00.000-04:00

I have not used this blog in years, but I'm dusting it off as a result of a series of email exchanges with my family, which got me thinking...

Much of the world is experiencing, has experienced, or will experience a great disruption to "normal life" due to COVID-19. Many of us are ordered to stay at home, with various degrees of enforcement. Schools are closed, churches can't meet in person, restaurants are closed, etc. We work from home, hold Zoom meetings from home, cook at home, supervise children's education from home, etc. In a relatively short period of time, daily life has really changed!

This is essentially a period of culture shock for all of us. Not because we chose to move and live in another culture, but a different culture has essentially been forced upon us by our governments in order to ride out the COVID-19 pandemic. Some people are experiencing more disruption and others less.

We can't find our regular household products or food, have become stay-at-home parents suddenly, or are learning to work remotely. We all are limiting our in-person social interactions and shifting to virtual interactions. Technology is amazing, and living overseas I am very thankful for being able to keep in touch with family and friends in the US while I'm gone. However, it's a poor substitute for in-person community. Connections drop, delays mean people talk on top of each other, and voices digitalize, requiring much more effort than usual to communicate with others.

All of this leads to frustration, loss, grief, disappointment, and maybe even resentment. These are all normal reactions. Oberg (1960) says culture shock is, "precipitated by the anxiety that results from losing all our familiar signs and symbols...when an individual enters a strange culture, all or most of these familiar cues are removed...followed by a feeling of frustration and anxiety" (as cited in Grunlan & Mayers, 1988, p. 22). Does that sound familiar to anyone??? There is a new set of rules governing our lives.

We are experiencing a loss of control. As believers, we theologically assert that God is in control. This is true and we genuinely believe it. However, many of us (myself included!) live daily life thinking that we are in control. Few of us have lived in serious lack or poverty. We exhibit our wealth and control tendencies in the things we purchase, the way we plan for the future, the activities we do for fun, and the pace at which we live our lives. None of that is inherently wrong! It's good to be responsible members of society and good stewards of what God gives us, so we plan and live our lives accordingly. However, it does give us, especially as Westerners, an illusion of control. The times we are living in now are causing us to abruptly face reality and adjust our accordingly.

Grunlan and Mayers (1988) say, "...the individual quickly begins to feel like a fish out of water and must either begin to adjust to the new culture or be tossed and buffeted by it until he or she finally succombs to exhaustion and suffocation" (p. 22). Are you feeling like a fish out of water? Are you beginning to adjust or are you still in the midst of the waves being tossed around? Have you begun to find a "new normal" for whatever length of time life looks this way?

I'll continue these thoughts in the following days (like what we do with this culture shock), but for now, I'll close with an encouragement that we need grace. To receive God's grace in living with anxiety, doubts, and uncertainty. To give ourselves grace that we will not be functioning at 100%, when life is "normal." And to give grace to each other, who are equally discombobulated and trying to figure this all out at the same time.

Grunlan, A.G., & Mayers, K.M. (1988). Cultural Anthropology: A Christian Perspective. Zondervan Publishing House