connivere

Going organic

2009-05-10T12:55:00.004+08:00

I have never been a follower of bandwagons and rarely crazed over the newest fads but this year, I want to be "in". Why? Because I found something worth going gaga about - Organic products.

I want to embrace going organic as much as I could. Of course I'm not going cold turkey on the things I've grown to love and I don't want to go bankrupt either. So my goal? To be able to get the benefits of organic products without leaving me with no other options but to sell my organs to afford it.

My first target? Organic hygiene & body care products. After hours of research, I finally found one that suites the description I'm seeking. I did a background check on the company and it looks highly trustworthy. It says there that all ingredients are bought directly from local farmers manufactured with no additives. This I gotta try.

I know y9u're asking, why not start by going organic on the inside - meaning food-wise. Well, to be honest, I'm not strong enough to fight that battle yet. And like they say, never engage in a war that you're a hundred percent positive that you're not going to win. And in this case, I'm 110% sure!

TELETECH! APPLY FOR A JOB NOW!

2008-07-30T12:36:00.003+08:00

INTERESTED ON BECOMING PART OF TELETECH?

Just send me your resume now at ambafrica@yahoo.com

Subject: teletech application

Include also which site you want to work in: LIPA, ROXAS, BACOLOD, ETC.
plus the position you intend on applying for: CSR, TSR, TL, COACH, ETC.

There are a lot of vacancies right now and career advancements are rampant, so get started now!

;p

Alive yet not living

2008-07-28T00:59:00.002+08:00

I'm alive yet I miss living.

In a few hours, it'll be Monday once more. Another day, another week. Another mundane life ahead. Some things have changed and I did felt excitement. But then again it revolved around work still. I am thankful for the blessings I have been receiving lately. And I know I'm not in the position to ask for more. Despite my shortcomings, I plea with the big guy way upstairs to have mercy.

I'm tired. I've been feeling exhausted lately. I don't smoke and I haven't gotten drunk in a long, long time. Still, I feel intoxicated with life's sorrows. I want to scream, I want to shout. I want everyone to know I'm not alright.

But they'll ask, "Why shouldn't you be?"

I have no answer aside from an annoying, “because…”. Yep, an ellipsis, my life has been full of those lately. I don’t know… I don’t know where to go… I don’t know where I should be or how things should be. But I’m still here, going through life. Alive yet not truly living.

I miss the party, I miss the companion. I miss the friends that are now seemingly from a distant world. It’s like I reside in a part of the earth where blocks of ice prevent people from enjoying the sunlight or appreciating the stars and the moon above. It’s unfair but then maybe it is I who tips the scale.

I miss how my own sweat drizzled from my forehead and blocked my vision temporarily. Because I know that the moment I pull my shirt against it, something awaits – a ball soaring waiting to be caught, another dance move waiting to be learned. Life was beautiful and life should stay that way. Getting high, that’s what I miss most. And there’s nothing more exhilarating than the elevation I get when I push myself, when I’m in haste.

But for now, I live this dogged life. Never changing, never exciting. Oh, it’s Monday already. Cool.

Make the shoe fit!

2008-07-12T18:37:00.005+08:00

I remember the first time I applied for a higher position in our company. I recall saying to myself that I'll only do it for fun. In fact, I just wanted to experience how it was to apply - how it was to be grilled by the other bosses. Yeah, I got what I wanted - just plain experience.

I knew I wasn't going to be accepted. I was just out of nesting back then. Just a few weeks after being regularized. I don't suppose they'll hire a fresh college grad with no previous work experience to handle a team - lead, inspire, devote.

But then the interview took place. It was more than I could have ever imagined. There were questions that were out of this world. Maybe because the interviewers themselves seem to be from beyond this earth. Haha. And then it hit me, I could really do this job.

So there I was, confident- thinking I did well. Heck, better than the applicants who were much older than I was. Still, I kept telling everyone that I know I'm not going to be promoted. Yet, deep down... deep, deep down, my heart whispers its desires. I aspired to be a team leader.

Then there it was. The day they announced who the new team leader was. Of course it wasn't me. Why would they entrust me of such position? I know I was ready for the responsibility, but was I ready to mingle with this new clique?

Months have passed and there I was - bored beyond measure. I don't know why I'm still there, taking calls. Repetitive. Repetitive. Repetitive. There came a point where I developed an annoyance of what I do. The days and months drifted away mocking me of my robotic existence. I wasn't challenged anymore. But then again, even as doors opened up every now and then, I did nothing. I was no longer interested in applying for anything. It seemed like it was a dead end for me.

Outside the company, opportunities kept on knocking. At first, I hurried to them with glee. Yet, something seems to be not working for me. I drag my feet to interviews and exams. I wanted to do everything. I wanted to write, to teach, to excel. But the minute an offer comes within my grasp, I feel a longing to postpone it.

Then there it was, during my most mundane shift. I was walking around the floor thinking of something to liven up my work. I went to my then team leader to ask her for any updates. Nothing new there.

Then there he was, the account's trainer, asking me to pass a resume and an internal application. It seems like they were looking for applicants when my previous team leader (which is now to become Manager) recommended me for the job. No problem. I filled out the form for a new "ride".

I felt excited. Another application. A chance to stimulate my brain and show them what I got. I just wish this time, the challenge was worth the effort. The next day after filing my application, the trainer approached my station 2 hours before my shift ends asking me till what time I'll be taking calls.

Umm, 6am...

Good, you'll have a demo by 6am.

Ahh, okay...

Training room 2, boracay

tug... tug... thug... thug... dug, dug, dug, dug... my heart was raising as hell... What can I possibly demo about? God, God, God... With a 15minute break left before my demo, I was able to conjure a presentation about ta-dah! PRIVATIZING PRISONS - not the most enticing subject in the world but what the hell...

Oh, and did I mention? It was my birthday then... Happy Birthday to me...

Days passed and I heard nothing from them. How did it go, how did it go? Argh, I'm going to lose my mind for sure.

...to be continued...

Verification

2008-06-16T03:39:00.001+08:00

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

This is just a verification for mybloglog...
Check my profile there: posham

The morning after

2008-05-31T18:04:00.003+08:00

"Being with you was like throwing up after getting drunk. It feels blissful pouring everything out.. But afterwards, you'll wake up realizing that you spent the whole night hugging the toilet."

"Being with you surpasses the trance-like joy tequila brings, until I realized that I can't stop throwing up."

Whoever this is for, don't feel bad. Note that eventhough there's truth in this. We still come back for more.

Harhar! I wrote these for a friend who just had a heartbreak or maybe just realized that the reason for her pain was moronic. HAHA!

City in Crisis, Youngblood INQ

2008-05-10T19:00:00.004+08:00

Got published in The Philippine Daily Inquirer at last... hahaha...

I don't know if I can repost it here so here's the link instead.

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080506-134767/City_in_crisis

Last Sundown

2008-04-28T09:01:00.005+08:00

If tonight's the night all comes to an end, will it be a shame?

If this cold breeze above my bed be the last thing I breathe, will everything remain the same?

If I leave tonight the world that nourished my dreams, will the earth consume not only me but also my life's aspirations? Why not? There's no point of keeping thoughts alive as the brain withers away with the body that protected it and unfortunately kept it imprisoned at the same time.

If tonight's the night, there's no point in arguing, no more reason to regret unrealized accomplishments. For no longer is the mind restricted to the fear of a worldly thinker hiding cowardly behind a safe smile

But if these stars dictate that I need to go, will they give me time for things left unsaid? For bright as they may be in the sky, they're still dim compared to the twinkle of a certain someone's eyes.

I know tonight's not that night for I have a myriad things undone. And though I to the universe is but a single grain of sand, I know the waves will labour constantly just to return me safely to shore.

Love the Earth You’re In

2008-03-30T11:23:00.005+08:00

Earlier this morning, I earned more than two thousand steps walking from the office to our house. Rather than feeling fit and renewed, I felt that my new found regimen was actually hazardous to my health. Then, I realized, I was better off riding the jeepney on the way home.

Setting aside the peril of crazy motorists in a world deprived of pedestrian lanes and side walks, I found myself playing hide and seek with the scorching sun though it was barely pass six o’clock in the morning. That’s okay, I can manage. Instead of dealing with vitamin C offered by the mighty sun, I opted to utilize my hooded jacket and just attempted to ignore the bystanders curious of my out-of-place fashion pick. That’s right, I don’t need the C right now, I have supplements at home – I just had carcinogens for breakfast.

And if the sun’s rays are not enough, the streets offer another recipe for cancer – smoke. Yes, smoke belchers reign over the street putting the over population of China to shame. And to think that I live in one of the relatively greener cities in the country, I can’t imagine having to walk from Buendia to Gil Puyat without my trusty handkerchief (I tried this once and kids, don’t try this at home). I don’t know why we let them get away with this. It’s like robbery in broad daylight. The policemen charged motorists all the time with bending existing and non-existent rules ranging from not putting your seatbelts on to not following an invisible traffic sign. Then why can’t the law against smoke belchers be upheld? I know we have one somewhere between the gazillion bills and rules that our legislators passed.

All right, I can still tolerate the smoke. My hands are enough to cover my nose and mouth in one swift motion since I have long abandoned the use of handkerchiefs. Doing just that, I was able to get rid of the stinky smell from the surrounding and the silent poisoning care of carbon monoxide and other harmful gasses.

What now? Oh, did I forget to mention particulates? No, this is not merely the “pollen bodies” that triggered your asthma and kept you sneezing for hours. Forget about trying to block them with your hands because preventing them to enter your pipes will just leave you gasping for air. These minute matter enter your body without warning causing the mightiest of the lungs to bow down and disintegrate over time. Not bad for such tiny particles, huh? Another case of David beats Goliath only in this case, millions or probably billions of Davids entering your body and making you sick. But hey, who’s counting?

I know there are plenty of other environmental risks posing danger to our incredibly vulnerable body. However, I’m no longer aware of any other immediate threat that everyday brings. And so does billions of people around the world. Those who had grown so accustomed to the filthy air and infested waters no longer pay attention not knowing that those were causing our withering health. And that ignorance poses the biggest threat – the apathy that the majority expressed is detrimental to the entire population. But I have a dream, that one day, white radiation and black pollution will walk hand in hand and leave me free to roam not just the street I walk but the only earth I know.

Alexis Marian Africa
www.posham.blogspot.com
www.walk-a-ton.blogspot.com
Lipa City, Philippines

“If trees could speak, they would cry out that since they are not the cause of war, it is wrong for them to bear its penalties” - quoted

How my face broke my fall…

2008-02-25T00:39:00.004+08:00

How my face broke my fall…

There I was, minding my own business, speeding down the slope when my pants caught up with the bike’s chains. My mind was racing even faster than gravity’s pull. But there was no escaping the inevitable. Einstein or whoever discovered gravity was wrong; there was no constant formula for free fall. Not that it was wilfully schemed. For in those milliseconds, I was able to conjure a whole different scenario reaching as far back as agreeing to take over the ride, as far back as deciding to stay after the meal, beyond deciding to say ‘yes’ to an invitation for a morning in the park. All those thoughts, all those feelings and eagerness to join in a special day lead to something memorable in a way I never deemed it to be.

It all started with the news of a colleague facing charges that might earn him the pink slip in our company. This guy is the one whom we abased, at first, during times that we were ignorant of what he is, the person that he is. A mistake that was easily surpassed by time. We, of course started there together, learned as a wave but he was longer than any of us in that company’s relatively new site.

Going back, as we tried to decide what to pursue next, the crocodile’s nest or the human maze, a friend of mine handed me a bike, the one I that I was too sleepy to rent in the first place. But hey, it’s there, it’s fun, so why not, right?

The first few rounds were uneventful, we just went around in circles until genius decided to break it up and explore the park. Then, I followed David because he was first in line and got the hang of it. I pedalled so hard which seemed effortlessly at the time that a few minutes later, I was ahead of him. Then, without any rational thought present in my brilliant brain, I went ahead and chased an automobile. And if that wasn’t crazy enough, I continued with all the speed I can muster down the slippy concrete cement - all that using a ragged bike with no body shield disregarding the fact that I had no sleep the previous night leaving me with no defences whatsoever.

And then it happened. All hell broke lose as my pants tangled up with the chains. Inevitably, the bike lost controls as the pedal and back tire froze together with my heartbeat. Luckily for my heart, it was just temporarily – brought about by the excitement of the “situation”. I thought about how it would end. Pondered on how I should fall. Rewinding the events even slipped my mind. But then it hit me, there are sets of eyes less than a great distance from where I stood or whatever you want to term it. I wondered how their faces looked like as they witness mine sweep the ground.

And it happened. It pricked but I guess the pain was overwhelmed by the emotion. It may sound like absurd but I kinda liked it. The pain, the fear, the excitement – it made me feel alive. Like out of the mundane soiree, I had thrilling rendezvous with the earth! Not in the way that I brushed with death because all my face got to brush up against was some grass and gravel but it was the sweetest “mudpie” I had in months.

Of course it was awkward. Not to mention that I had to commute and walk home with blood stains on my pants. Not that it was really noticeable that half of my pure white jacket was smudged by mud. It didn’t even bother me that when I got home, my mom had this look saying “what else is new?” from all the times I went home with bruises and cuts all over. But still, there was something that can ruin a great experience. Indeed, I realized fun was over when I needed to clean up, and the hydrogen peroxide seemed more like acid burning through my skin followed by the stinging sensation found only in betadine. With that, I remembered, to be careful the next time.

23 Feb 2008, Bluroze Farms

Happy Heart's day!

2008-02-14T15:18:00.004+08:00

The moon shone one snowy eve and asked the stars around him a simple question:

"Anyone elses heart breaking at this very moment?"

A blue star just below him dimmed it's light and tried to veer away from the discussion..
But the moon was persistent, he lowered his head and asked the star:

"What's your story?"

The star looked away and whispered,

"Well, I handed it to my friend and I told him to hold it for a while because I was trying to open the new safe i built (the combination was really tough to code, you know). he was looking at it and walked around the room for a while. but then my heart was uneasy and he lost grip.. so it broked.. there.."

The moon turned around and gave way to the rising sun, and the star mourned in solitude.

Volunteerism: A Path to Fulfillment

2008-02-07T14:30:00.001+08:00

Volunteerism: A Path to Fulfillment

By Alexis Marian Africa

Volunteerism is widespread throughout the world. Countless people driven by altruism seek to take action in order to help those in need. Certainly, a simple smile from a deprived family or a sick kid wipes away the exhaustion a volunteer feels. However, in terms of environmental volunteerism, the pay-off is subtle to the eye. This is where genuine selflessness comes in. And the earth has a funny approach when it comes to rewards.

The organization of choice for this article is the GREENPEACE International. This is a non-profit organization that caters to the needs of mother earth by focusing on the “world’s most crucial threat to our planet’s biodiversity and environment”. Established in 1971, Greenpeace poses as earth’s voice and fights to stop climate change, protect ancient forests, save the oceans, stop whaling, say no to genetic engineering, stop the nuclear threat and so on.

Before I joined this organization, I pictured myself going to the field and doing the dirty but rewarding dirty work. With this thought, I couldn’t wait to start and save the world! However, in my first week of membership, I learned that I could do so much for the environment even in the comfort of my own home. That’s right! Thanks to technological advances in telecommunication, I could easily come to the rescue to an ancient forests miles and miles away!

That was in fact the first action I have accomplished. Through electronic mail, I was able to communicate to an international company my disgust on how they destroy nature for profit. The company in question is the Kimberly-Clark, the producer of Kleenex tissue. Because of unethical practices done by Kimberly-Clark, Greenpeace decided to mobilize concerned people in order to make the former understand the detriments of their production. The campaign aims to put a stop in the mindless flushing of ancient forests down the toilet.

Aside from being a cyber activist, there are a lot of other ways to assist Greenpeace to help the planet. First, you can make a donation in order to facilitate different activities. Second, you can be a field volunteer. They will train you to ensure you do the right job for the right thing. In addition, most of their employees started out as volunteers. Third, you can help spread the word (like what I’m pretty much doing) so that more and more people will get involved. Fourth, share your thoughts and ideas! They will surely listen to your concern. Lastly, if you really want to make volunteerism your vocation, work for them! There’s nothing more rewarding than doing something that makes a difference and having the job you love!

Don’t just take my word for it! Visit their site right now!

Greenpeace.org

Ibang Klaseng Hang Over

2008-01-30T14:26:00.002+08:00

Ibang klaseng Hang Over
Ni Alexis Marian Africa

Nakapagtataka. Sa dami ng nainom ko kagabi, himala yata at wala akong hang-over. Teka, nasaan na nga ba ako? Ah, nandito lang pala sa may kanto. Ayos din ‘tong sina Tisoy ah, ‘di man lang ako hinatid hanggang bahay. Nakatulog lang ako sa tsikot n'ya, iniwan na lang ata ako dito basta. Peste naman o, maglalakad pa ko.

Hayyy, nalasing siguro ng husto ang mga gago.

Sabagay, marami na rin namang katuwaang naranasan tuwing nag-iinuman kami. Hahaha, katuwaan pa? Sabihin mo, kalokohan! Wala na talagang sasaya pa, kapag pinapainit ng toma ang aming samahan. Tama na nga ‘to. Dramachine na naman ako. Hay, hirap naman kasi magsalita mag-isa.

Uy, bukas na ang tindahan ni Aling Pepang. Makapag-yosi kaya muna? Malayo-layong lakarin din ‘to eh.

Aling Pepang! Pagbilhan ninyo nga ako ng yosi! Yung dati pa rin, salamat!

Aling Pepang naman eh, puro kayo TV! Por que humahaba na listahan ko sa inyo, ‘di n’yo na ko pinapansin. ‘Wag kayong mag-alala, bayaran ko lahat yan pagdating ng pasukan. Kayo naman o, 'la pa lang akong baon ngayon.

Hay naku, bakit ‘pag kay kuya Rolly, abot agad kayo. Eh mas bigats naman ako dun!

Asan na nga pala kaya ‘tong si kuya? Kala ko hahabol siya sa inuman kagabi? Kasi naman, inuna pa mga pa-party party niya eh. Siguradong doon pa lang eh lasing na yun. Lakas kasi tumagay eh, kala mo sa kanya lang umiikot ang baso.

Teka, uuwi na ba ‘ko? Makabili kaya muna ng load at maitext si Shirley? Kamusta na kaya yung babaeng yun… Ang KJ naman kasi eh, ‘di pa sumama. Lungkot tuloy. Finals daw… Pa-summer-summer classes pa kasi.

Ayaw makinig sakin. ‘Wag ng mag-aral, nakakasira lang ng barkada yan! Hehehe… Bugoy! Pero sabagay, dapat sabay kami grumaduate ‘nun ah…

Naku, wala pala ‘kong pera. Naiwan ko ata wallet ko sa kotse nina Tisoy. Malas naman. Kay Mommy na lang ako makikitext. **cha naman o, ‘di rin pala ‘ko makakabili ng yosi. Makauwi na nga.

Hay salamat, nakarating din sa wakas. Ano ba naman ‘tong si Inday, iniwan na namang bukas ‘yung gate. Hirap pa naman ng panahon ngayon, ‘la ka ng mapagkakatiwalaan. Pwedeng malasin ka na lang ng bigla-biglaan.

Bah! Daddy! Himala ‘ata nasa bahay kayo ngayon. Mukang nakalibre kayo sa office ah? Hehehe… kala ko dun na kayo nakatira. Sabi ko naman sa inyo dad, tutulungan na namin kayo ni kuya sa business natin. Hindi lang naman alcohol ang dumadaloy sa kokote namin eh. Lalo na ngayon at konting tiis na lang, baka magtapos na ko sa kolehiyo. Tamang-tama yun. Trabaho sa umaga, toma sa gabi. Ayos ba yun dad?

Hay naku, simangot pa rin si erpats, parang walang narinig ah. Nakakatanggal talaga siguro ng sense of humor ang trabaho. Buti na lang at extended ako sa kolehiyo…

Tina! Tina! Asan ka bang bata ka? Kanina ka pa tinatawag ni daddy! Hoy!

Puntahan ko na po sa kwarto, baka nagkukulong na naman yun. Pasensya nga po pala at inumaga na naman. Hay, heto na naman po kami, ‘di na naman ako kikibuin…

TINA! TINA! TINA! HOY!

And’yan ka lang pala sa kwarto, ayaw mo pang sumagot! Nagkukulong ka na naman d’yan! Konting tukso lang ng mga kalaro mo, iyak ka na kagad! Lampa ka talaga.

O, dad! Sabi ko sa inyo, nandito lang ‘tong batang ‘to eh.

Ha? Ano? Ospital? Bakit andun si kuya at si mommy? Naaksidente ba si kuya? Ba’t naman walang nagsabi sakin? Pambihira naman o! Ano na’ng lagay niya? Sige, dumiretso na kayo dun, maliligo lang ako at susunod na ‘ko. Grabe.

Ano kayang nangyari kay kuya? Kaya siguro hindi na siya nakasunod sa hacienda. Dapat kasi hindi na siya dumayo ng inuman sa malate, delikado kasi dun.

Naman ‘tong si Inday o, kanina pa yung doorbell, ayaw pang pagbuksan. Lahat na lang ba ng bagay dito, ako ang gagawa? Leche naman o.

Eh ako na rin kaya magluto noh?!

K-kuya? Anong ginagawa mo dito? Kala ko nasa ospital kayo ni mommy? Kuya, magsalita ka! Anong nangyari kay mommy? Sabihin mo sakin. Ano bang problema mo!?! Karipas ka kagad sa TV! Yan na naman aatupagin mo, kita mong kinakausap ka ng tao!

O, ano? Ba’t tulala ka dyan? Kaw din Inday, puro kayo TV! Wala ng mababago dyan sa balita! Wala na kayong magagawa at leche talaga ang panahon ngayon. Puro walang kwenta nilalabas sa news…

Anak ng tinapa! Mga ganang balita, dapat ‘di na pinapakita sa TV. Baka magulintang mga batang nanonood niyan. Teka, kotse ni Tisoy yan ah…

withered stone

2007-11-19T09:05:00.001+08:00

I was scraped by metal spikes, pierced by a rusty nail, and even fell face first from a pick up truck.

I've been through rejections and countless regrets and had my heart torn by the earthly passing of people I loved.

Though the world presented itself sugarcoated, still I surrounded myself with safetynets and restrictions.

As I journey life, I've been cynical and numb and perhaps became the rock that they all perceived me to be.

But at the end of the day, I still couldn't see, how I can be hurting - feeling this piercing pain that with all medication failed to numb thee.

twinstar

2007-11-12T13:47:00.001+08:00

Twinstars are found at your darkest hour. Times when you're at your lowest. That's how you get a glimpsed of the sparkle that at other times, you have left unnoticed.
This is what I realized just last night. It's not that last night was incredibly devastating, rather, it was simply... incredible.
I'm not making sense am I?
Good.
Twinstars are said to be a pair of soul that are meant to collide through the course of life (or lives for that matter). These are two entities that was once ONE. In that regard, they can't help but be drawn to each other no matter what dimension or level they are in or what generation they might have sprung out of. The most common misconception is that twinstars or most commonly known as twinsouls end up with each other as husbands & wives.
In reality (or perhaps reality for just those who believes it to be), twinstars can be just about anyone - parent, child, friend, mentor, or a stranger who you happen to brush upon - who at some point, touched your soul.
In one lifetime, you don't always end up with each other. That's why your journey continues - developing, each stepping up the ladder (though sometimes not at the same time) and inevitably fusing to make whole the once separated soul.
Going back to the statement that twinstars are found in one's darkest hour, I think one may not immediately notice that you were just inches away from your other half but you just know that something is different. That, borrowing from 'the alchemist', the universe is working for you to achieve your personal legend. And what bigger goal can you have topping the one that will make you whole again? Too bad that from the busy buzz of life, we may not even get an inkling before the minute that you two were separated again.
In my childhood of 3 or 4, I thought my twinstar was in a dimension higher than mine - the one that only I can see and my mother only sense that I see. But now I realize, maybe s/he may not be that far after all - not another world as I believed but just another generation under the same sky where I live.

a cub's life

2007-10-27T17:37:00.001+08:00

It's plain silly.

This might have been an outdated issue but i'm reacting anyway. A question was raised on whether a zoo-bred cub be domesticated or left to die.

The story:

a polar bear (Knut) was born in captivity and was cared for by zoo keepers after its mother rejected him. Now, 'animal-rights activists' are suggesting that the cub be euthanized instead of being cared for by human hands.

The argument?

They stipulated that since the mother rejected the cub, Knut would have died anyway as nature took its course. This was the law, 'survival of the fittest', so it's 'unethical' to let the cub live.

Common sense:

But isn't that why zoos are there in the first place? Or should those be limited for our amusement. And, it was not like its mother lived in the wild for that to apply. We opted to place the mom in captivity, are we to decide the infant's fate as well?

The mother rejected it. Big deal. Are we to euthanized every human baby after it was abandoned by its parents? I don't think so. Are we to apply 'survival of the fittest' in that scenario? Because for sure, any infant, be it human or otherwise would not have survived without being cared for. I know what some anthro-centric individuals are muttering now, 'that's different, it's a human life'. How different could it be? Whichever angle you look at it, its the same act of killing for no reason but ending life itself. There's no need for it aside perhaps to gratify some posers protecting an abstract philosophy of how things should be. And if, my dear, you argue on giving human care on an animal as a 'blatant violation of animal-welfare laws', then perhaps it's time we reevaluate the laws we honor. Think about it.

happy meal!

2007-07-11T17:31:00.001+08:00

Look at it, it's still happy to see me..

Is it happy because its purpose in life has been realized?or is it only 'I' who thinks that way?Justifying how this creature has made it way to my plate?

Is there really a Great Chain of Being as mentioned by an author named Pepper? Or is this really limited to the Christian faith?
If so, using this argument that we are superior to plants, animals, etc, it is but natural for us to consume them?
But then again, it will also mean that we are to serve as inferior beings fit for Seraphim, Cherubim, and angels's consumption.

And so as the anthrocentric beings that we are, we will scrap that belief.

As a result, we are now again left to ponder if it is morally right to eat other living beings.are we not also considered as predators just like our primitive brothers?

Or are we to argue that life really is 'survival of the fittest'? If so, why are we helping 'less fit' individuals? Is it because we unite and fight as a specie?Or is it because of our innate gift: altruism?it may be so, but then, why are we still cruel to each other?

Going back to our main corcern, should we continue eating our furry, four paws walking friends?

I say no! Be healthy, and live to 100yrs!
A century of pale, tasteless foods. A century of non-festive holidays and birthdays!
Hmmm, look! My pork steak is happy to see me.

write, right?

2007-01-01T23:11:00.000+08:00

i can't write...

i can't seem to think of anything to write about.
it's not an issue of lack of topics or subjects,
because a lot of things have been popping in my mind lately.

should i write about them? shall i not?

maybe, it all comes down to the relevance of such issues,
and/or sheer level of senselessness.
fact is, i can't seem to focus to one.

lately, that's how i see things - disarrayed.
and it seems that that's the problem, also, of most people.

we tend to overdo things.
to include unneccesary aspects to an otherwise noble endeavor.

why can't we just keep things simple?
why can't we stick to what is needed?

why set rules that's irrelevant to what you do?
why waste time & energy exerting extra effort that contribute nothing to your cause?
why restrict yourself doing things you love if abstaining from it has no effect whatsoever to what you do?

why can't i just write?
why can't i just write about those things bugging my mind?

with this posts, i have erased paragraphs that i deem important..
just because of the consequences they might bring..

there's a lot i want to convey, so why can't i write them?
why am i restricting myself in doing what i was set to do?
am i overthinking things now? should i not restrict myself?

just like my mind right now, this post is also disarrayed.

i want to write.
i should set my priorities straight.
do what i think is right.

exhale.. inhale..

2006-08-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

...... exhale ......

seems like i've been holding that breath ever since my first day at school.
the moment i entered that kindergarten classroom.

i can still remember the very first test i took.
sitting in a pizza-shaped table & chair.
the proctors catering to a handful of cry babies.

and just this afternoon with one of my courses' card distribution,
the memory of those tears resounds...

yes, it seems like that memory from a distant decade,
was really hardly eons ago.

i wonder... how long will i be able to hold that thought?
longer than i can hold my breath, i hope...
it puzzles me how vivid one memory can linger in my head,
while some pictures wound up as a breeze - cold and distant
sometimes i can feel it coming back, but i could never really grasp when they pass.

i can't help it.
i'm feeling a little nostalgic.
i feel relieved that i have passed all my subjects,
but there's still a part of me that wants to stay..

i know i can't turn back time.
and i don't want to be stagnant.
just like how improbable it is for me to intake the same air that have passed through my system...

now, at this moment, i can't think of anything else to do,
but to again, enter the scene, this unpredictable stage,
and once more, with all might, thrust into the limelight, and...

...... INHALE ......

(what to do?)

2006-08-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

sigh!

it's monday tomorrow..
deadline for my last paper.
and after that,
nothing left for me but to head home.

wish it would be that easy.
wish i wouldn't have to worry about the ccard giving..
hehe.. only one subject left,
and after that, my mind can finally rest!

hahaha...
that sounded as if there's nothing else to occupy myself huh?
humdrum? i don't think so..

i wonder what i'd be doing the next couple of months?

i don't know..
maybe i can focus more on reading and writing..
have themes that doesn't necessarily need approvals..
of professors.. editors.. spectators?!?

i dunnow..
maybe it's all planned up after all.
well, just those weeks before the actual march..

sigh!

hmm, maybe i'll enroll in some classes..
take up some lessons - gym, driving, dance.. anything..
hmm, i wonder if there's any interesting workshops back home..

---

i dunnow, i have nothing much to do i guess..
great.. haha...

any suggestions? greatly appreciated...

end of term

2006-08-21T15:23:00.000+08:00

whew!
the term is about to end!
it's final examination's week.
sigh!

it seemed only yesterday when i lined up in the vice dean's office..
late enrollee as usual..

haha..

i remembered how indecisive i was.
thinking if i wanted to graduate this term or not.
very last minute indeed.
so, thanks to my "more than the usual" friend that guided me to the right decision.
sorry for the term jaipz, it's better than calling you weird! hehe..

thanks guys!
thank you jp, estelle, nd, etc for a nice term!~
estelle - for the slumber parties. pizzas. and hugs.
jp - food trips. health check. more food trips. and other trips.
nd - for the much needed slap, este, pat in the back!

greatly appreciated.

thanks for my seatmates in histciv for making me feel that i'm not alone.
true enough. i'm not the only one who nearly threw up laughing.

thanks for my groupmates in chemistry lab.
for the laughters. i didn't know chem can be fun!
*in your face 'physics for phun' guy' just kidding*
for the chemicals we mismixed, for the broken test tube, and for the 'early dismissal every meeting! *clever* hehe...

thank you genders! esp. to sir bob!
i always look forward to this class.
tnx martha for the lemon squares and brownies.

thank you filipi3 class.
for my inspiring prof, sir dex!
mahusay ang inyong pagkakaturo sa amin.
ang inyong klase ay isang malaking retorika!
salamat sa hindi pagttsek kaagad ng attendance.
salamat dahil parang on time ako most of the time.
dadalahin ko sa mahabang panahon ang mga natutunan...
nawa'y makatulong ako sa pagpapalago ng wika pilipino...

ano pa ba?
thank you for my new friends.
tnx for letting me take a glimpse of a care free life.

and for all those that passed by,
thanks for coloring my surroundings...
dark. light. green. even those in red *watch your temper..

okay, better study..
i don't want to repeat this speech next term...
ciao!

am i on track?

2006-08-20T18:05:00.000+08:00

i wonder where i'd be months from today.
by then, i'll be fresh out of college.
idealistic. romantic. progressive.

exhausted but with inexhausted resources.
i.e. ending almost 15 years of school,
and yet to use those honed skills into play.

not just that.
i wonder where i'd be emotionally.
will i mature - maybe so.
but then it never fails to screw things up,
with a little tongue sticking out.

at times it frightens me.
i have nothing at hand.
i have plans. sure i do. lots of them in fact.
but then, i'm not standing on solid ground here.

what i'm saying is that, 15 years of solid education.
and after all those years of journey,
i realized that i still don't know where i'm headed to.

my destination.
do i have one?

honestly? i'm just making this as i go.

and looking at my made up map,
all i see is a myriad of pitstops.

one side

2006-08-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

.
how can i show you i care?
when you seem miles away.
even though we're just an inch apart.

and when we are away from one another,
i try to reach out, i swear..
but then these thin chords of glass that connects us,
are more fragile that what it's supposed to be.

you seem so empty at times.
like a hollow box - absorbing my words,
but never reacting. nothing.

but then at times you burst with accusations,
that i'm being so uptight.
don't understand how that could have been,
i just don't. no, i just... nevermind.

maybe, if that is so.
maybe i've ran out of air to blow.
empty of words to speak,
for you never ever made me feel,
never made me see,
that we're engaging in a conversation,
rather than just a speech for me.

Tibok ng Damdaming Manhid

2006-08-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

isang maikling katha
Tibok
Ng
Damdaming
Manhid
isang maikling katha

Ni Alexis Marian Ben Africa
Isinumite kay Mr. Dexter Cayanes

=========================================================

I
Sumalpok ang minamanehong kotse ni Angela bandang alas-tres ng madaling araw. Tila ligaw ang magarang sasakyan nito na nakabaranda sa isang makitid na daan.

Nasasapawan ng anino ng naglalakihang punong-kahoy ang tanging nagbibigay liwanag sa pangyayari – ang buwan. At mga tala lamang ang saksi sa naging trahedya ng dalaga.

Sa bilis ng pangyayari, nagulintang na lamang si Angela at ‘di na nagawang kumibo pa. Litaw ang pagkirot ng kanyang puso dahil manhid na ang buo niyang katawan. Lumipas ang maraming segundo’t unti-unti nang napikit ang kanyang mga mata. Hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang mawalan ng malay-tao.

II
Nagising siya kahapon ng may malalim na hinagpis sa buhay. Nababalot ng kalungkutan ang buo niyang katawan at ‘di na niya napigil na maluha sa kanyang kinahihigaan.

“Suko na ko,”

Puno ng pighati ang kanyang mga mata nang ito’y bigkasin.

“di ko na talaga kaya, hirap na hirap na akong isipin ka.”

Ayaw na sana niyang bumangon ngunit kinakailangan. Ilang oras na lamang at matatapos na siya sa kolehiyo – isang seremonyang ‘di dapat palampasin. Kailangan niyang magmartsa sa stage kahit hinihila pababa ang kanyang mga paa ng mabigat na kalooban. Marapat lamang na ngumiti sa harap ng kamera kahit nagdidilim na ang kanyang mundo.

Ganap ng sira ang kanyang hinaharap sa araw na dapat ipagdiwang ang kanyang kinabukasan.

III
Nagsimula ang lahat ng mahulog ang kanyang loob sa isang matalik na kaibigan. Apat na taon na rin ang lumipas mula ng maging malinaw sa sarili ang nadarama. Sa una’y binalewala niya ito tulad ng nakasanayang gawain tuwing may kumakatok sa damdamin. Tutal, ayaw rin naman niyang masira ang pagkakaibigang kanyang pinakaiingatan.

Naging pangkaraniwan lang ang kanilang mga araw sa piling ng iba pang kasamahan. Marami rin silang pinagdaanan – malungkot, masaya, at mga makabuluhang pangyayaring sa unang tingin ay walang kwenta.

Maayos ang lahat. Steady kumbaga. Parehong magaling sa paglilihim. Tunay na kapani-paniwala.

Ngunit ‘di naglaon, may karagdagan siyang naramdaman. Bagay na ‘di kagad napansin dahil na-priokyupa siya sa pagtatago ng nilalaman ng puso.

Napansin niyang iba ang pakikitungo sa kanya ng kaibigan kumpara sa iba pang kabarkada. Napuna niyang tila may ipinapahiwatig ang kilos ni Andrew na tulad ng nais sana niyang ipadama. Lumulukso ang puso niya sa tuwa ngunit ‘di pa rin niya ito ipinapahalata.

“Mahirap mag-assume,”… “baka mapahiya lang ako sa huli.”

Hindi lingid sa kanya na natatakot lang siya sa maaaring mangyari sakaling mali ang hinala niya. Kung tutuusin, may punto siya.

IV
Napakahaba ng gabi. Habang nakahimlay ang walang malay na katawan ni Angela, tila buhay na buhay naman ang kanyang isipan. Parang isang gawa sa takilyang pinapakita ang mga taong lumipas. Mga matatamis na alaalang nagbibigay buhay sa kanyang hininga.

Parang kahapon lamang ang mga tawanang pinagsaluhan ng barkada nina Angela at Andrew. Sariwa pa sa kanyang isipan ang mga oras ng kwentuhan at biruan.

Hindi maiaalis dito ang mga pagkakataong kinilig si Angela sa mga pahapyaw na tingin sa kanya ni Andrew tuwing nasa eskwelahan.

Halos matunaw siya tuwing inuulan ng puri ni andrew ang kanyang mga katha kahit alam naman ng dalaga na ‘di kagandahan ang mga sinusulat nito.

Hindi naglaon at nagkahiwa-hiwalay na ang barkada nila. Isa sa mga dahilan nito ay ang pagtungtong sa kolehiyo at pagpasok sa magkakaibang pamantasan. Subalit sa kabila ng lahat, tuluyan pa ring naging malapit ang dalawa sa isa’t isa.

Kahit na magkalayo ng eskwela, nagagawa pa rin nilang tumambay, magkwentuhan, at magtawanan.

V
Hindi na mapakali si Angela sa kinauupuan habang ginaganap ang Commencement Exercise sa kanilang pamantasan.

Binabagabag siya ng mga alaala ni Andrew. Naiinis siya dito dahil parang pinapaasa lang siya sa wala. Ilang taon na siyang nag-iintay ngunit ‘di pa rin niya alam kung ano ba talaga ang tingin sa kanya ni Andrew. Hindi niya alam kung anong lagay nila. Sila ba’y hanggang magkaibigan na lamang o mas higit pa ba rito ang maaaring patunguhan?

Pagod na pagod na si Angela sa kaiisip. ‘Di niya mahuli-huli ang tunay na nararamdaman ng kaibigan.

Lalo na ngayong mga nakaraang linggo na hindi na siya pinapansin nito. Hindi na siya kinakausap tulad ng dati. Nawala na ang pag-aarugang nararanasan tuwing magkasama sila. Tuloy, parang lumalabas pa sa sarili na naghahabol si Angela, isang bagay na kailan ma’y di niya maatim gawin sa iba.

VI
Inis si Angela sa sarili.

Laking yamot niya kapag naiisip kung paano siya nagpakatanga. Hindi dapat siya umasa upang ‘di na lamang nasaktan. Bumabalik sa kanyang isipan ang panahong ginugol niya sa loob ng pangarap na balang araw, pagdating ng tamang pagkakataon ay makakatuluyan din niya ang taong minamahal.

Marami namang iba diyan. Kay daming lalaki ang gustong magparamdam sa kanya ng pagmamahal. Ngunit bawat isa sa kanila ay hindi niya nakitaan ng kung anong natanaw niya kay Andrew.

Lumampas lamang ang mga ito nang hindi buo ang naging pagmamahal. Hindi lubos ang pagmamahal. Minsan, minabuti niyang bigyan ng pagkakataon ang isang sinisinta. Ngunit tulad ng iba, ‘di rin niya nailaan dito ang buong puso niya. At dahil sa husay niya sa pagpapanggap, nagawa niyang ilihim dito ang tunay na nadarama.

At ‘di naglaon, dumating ang ‘di maiiwasang karma. Mula sa taong iyon ay puro pasakit ang kanyang nakuha. Tiniis niya ito. Mukang namamanhid na siya. Ngunit sa pagdaan ng mga buwan, tila naubos na ang luha. Naubos din ang mga kaibigan niya ng kumprontahin ng lalaking iyon ang mga ito upang h’wag na siyang kausapin pa. Kinalabasan, ang relasyong iyon ay naging isang napakasariling samahan. Puno ng batuhan ng hinanakit at hinagpis.

Higit sa lahat, naputol ang komunikasyon sa gitna nina Andrew at Angela. Biglang naglaho ang taung-taon na tawanan. At para sa dalaga, nauwi ang lahat sa isang mahabang bangungot na kumukonsumo sa kanyang bawat hininga.

VII
Nang tuluyang matauhan. Walang naisip si Angela kundi tawagan ang isang pamilyar na numero. Ang natitirang numero na hindi pa napapawi sa kanyang isipan.

Nang sagutin ng kabilang linya ang tawag, biglang huminto ang ikot ng mundo. Pagkarinig sa boses ni Andrew, wala na siyang nagawa kundi humagulhol ng iyak.

Walang lumiban na salita sa linya ng telepono. Ngunit, daig pa nito ang isang libong talata. Pakiramdaman. At parang rumaragasang tubig na umagos ang mga damdamin. Tulad ng dati, namalagi ang dalawang puso sa liblib na estado.

Lumipas pa ang ilang buwan at tuluyang naghilom ang puso ni Angela. Tuluyan na ngang naisantabi ang kahapong binaha ng luha. At muli siyang nalapit sa mga kaibigang minsa’y naglaho dahil na rin sa kapabayaan.

At sa mga sumunod pang buwan, pilit na rin niyang isinantabi ang nararamdaman sa isang kaibigan.

Ngunit sa kalagitnaan ng isang maimtim na pag-uusap sa isa niyang kabarkada, nadapo ang tema sa kanilang lumipas na araw nung hayskul. Hindi sinasadyang naibukang bibig niya ang pangalan ni Andrew. Hanggang sa makarating sila sa isang rebelasyong gugulintang sa kanyang buhay… muli…

Lingid sa kaalaman ng kanyang kaibigan ang tinatagong damdamin para kay Andrew. Kaya naman walang pasintabing naikwento nito na lihim na may pagtingin sa kanya si Andrew mula pa nung dati.

Sa puntong ito, ‘di na nasigurado ni Angela kung naging mahusay pa rin ang pagtatago niya ng tunay na saloobin.

VIII
Patapos na ang seremonya ngunit ‘di pa rin mapayapa ang isipan ni Angela. Bumabalik-balik ang tinig ng kaibigang nakausap ng masinsinan.

Patuloy na umaalingawngaw. Parang niyayanig ‘di lamang ang kanyang isipan. Hindi na niya kaya. Gusto na niyang makawala sa palaisipang dalahin.

Tapos na ang martsa. Tapos na siya sa kolehiyo. Ngunit hindi sa kanyang dinadala. Kinagabihan, binabagabag pa rin ang kanyang isipan. ‘Di magtatagal at makalalaya rin siya sa mabigat na damdamin kahit man lamang panandalian.

Nais niyang makalimot. Makaligtas sa bagay na kumukunsumo ng natitira niyang lakas. Mukang lumalaban pa rin ang kanyang puso. Dahil sa kabila ng paglayo, sa dating tagpuan pa rin siya hinatid ng pusong nagnanasang sariwain ang dating masasayang araw.

Napakadilim. Pagtingala, pansing buwan lamang ang nagbibigay ningning sa kanyang kinalalagyan. Naisin man niyang iwang bukas ang ilaw ng dala-dalang sasakyan, malaking sugal kapag naubusan ito ng baterya. Delikado. Wala masyadong karatig na bahay sa daan.

Lalong lumalalim ang gabi. Lumulubha na ang sipa ng bote-boteng baon ni Angela. Hanggang sa naging isang malabong bulong na lamang ang damdamin. Nilalalamon na ito ng sigaw ng bumabaliktad niyang sikmura. Nais niyang ilabas lahat. Damdamin at lahat ng kinain.

Dali-daling dinukot ni Angela ang cellphone sa bulsa. Ilang segundong nakatitig sa numero. Maya-maya pa’t naipon ang lakas loob upang tapusin na ang lahat.

Ring… ring… ring… wala.
Ring… ring… ring… tulog ata.
Ring… click! “hello? Angela…”

Parang bulkang sumabog ang damdamin ni Angela. Halo-halong emosyon na ngayo’y rumaragasa papunta sa kabilang linya.

“Lam mo, mahal kita! Kaso, anlabo mo naman eh. Minsan, parang gusto mo rin ako. Pero kadalasan, binabalewala mo lang ako. Sabi nila, may nararamdaman ka daw nung hayskul. Ngayon? Meron pa ba? O nagbibiro-biro ka nalang? Playing safe ka kasi eh. Alam ko dahil *click* … ganun din ako.”

IX
Nag-aagaw ang liwanag at dilim. Patuloy na nagmamaneho si Andrew. Napuntahan na ata niya lahat ng matatambayan ni Angela. “San ba naman kasi yun nagpunta?”

Pumasok sa kanyang isipan ang pinagsaluhang ice cream sa tambayang sunod niyang babaybayin. Ngunit, malayo-layo pa siya rito’y may nakita siyang isang sasakyang nakabalandra sa makitid na daan. Siya’y nagulintang. ‘Di makapaniwala.

Nang matukoy ang siyang kinalalagyan ng kaibigan ay dali-dali niyang hinugot ang cellphone at tinawagan ang pinakamalapit na ospital na kanyang alam. Natagalan ang mga itong makarating dahil may pagkamaliblib ang lugar.

Sa kasamaang palad, hindi na umabot si Angela sa ospital. Hindi kinaya ng kanyang puso ang trahedyang dinaanan. Bumigay ito sa lakas ng impact ng kanyang pagkabangga. Nakadagdag pa sa paghina ng kanyang puso ang taun-taong pagkikimkim. Sa kumplikasyon sa pusong kala ng kanyang pamilya ay nalampasan na niya pagtungtong ng hayskul.

X
Sa isip-isip ni Andrew, sana’y nagpalit na lang sila ng puso. Upang sana’y naramdaman man lamang ni Angela ang tibok ng kanyang damdamin.

-WAKAS-

trapped inside a box

2006-08-15T15:19:00.000+08:00

what if anyone lives inside a box?

you know, be well, and choose to dwell inside a nice little box.
it doesn't matter what size you choose. if you fit or not.
the only relevant condition is that you get to spend time in a box.

wouldn't that be relaxing? giving you ample time to recollect oneself.
an escape. a solidary fortress you can claim as your own.
not even the light of the sun can penetrate your box.
it'll be your little corner to dream, despair, retract, and reflect.

dark. it may seem. frightening. you may think.
but why the big fuss? you don't need the sun 24/7.
its absence should not overwhelm you. learn to be independent of its rays.
even for just a second, a minute, an hour... a nice little siesta if you may.

the world exists independent of you.
so why is it so hard to depart from it even for just a while?

are we afraid of being lost in the circulation?
our little circle of friends perhaps?
the little community - the society that fashioned us to our present self?

or are we just afraid of the box itself?
a closed space. just a modest gap between four nearby corners.
it limits your arms that want to stretch to the heavens.
keeping not only your feet grounded to the earth.
and this thought alone is enough to leave you gasping for air.

but please, do reconsider.
isn't it time we face the truth?
did it not come a time in your life that you felt alienated?
haven't you experience a time wherein the world is pushing you so hard,
that you just want to stop?

you know... the world, even the universe, vast as it may seem,
can be suffocating too...

too much pressure.
a myriad of mouths telling you what to do.
thousand sets of ears that hears every move, every breath.
those ears that seems to listen to every thought, every desire.
countless eyes wary of your actions.
waiting for that one mistake to turn your world around.

so now, wouldn't it be nice to have a little box to retreat to?
a sanctuary when you feel that everone is going after you.
wouldn't that be a perfect escape,
at times when you get trapped in the mundane and inconsiderate world.