The first thing I want to know from you, anonymous question submitter, is your definition of “a lot” when you say your partner watches “a lot” of porn. Are we talking a few times a week? Or are we talking every-hour-on-the-hour-and-he/she-can’t-hold-down-a-job-because-of-it type of thing?

If the first definition, then there is really nothing to worry about. It’s perfectly healthy to watch porn (as long as the people watching it are consenting adults and the movies are legal, blah, blah, blah…). Some use porn to increase sexual pleasure. Some like it as part of fore play. Some people watch it alone and some watch with their partner.

The important thing to remember is that many people are watching porn—not just your partner. As of 1992, 75% of men under 55 had used a pornographic magazine, book, sex video, or both during the year. The corresponding figure for women was 41%. In a more recent British study – 66% of women and 88% of men reported viewing pornographic material – in magazines, videos, or on the internet regularly.

Porn pictures, magazines and sex videos have pleasured people for centuries. People have viewed sexually explicit material since cave dwellers first took charcoal to a rock wall.

Porn can also increase sexual enjoyment. 89% of women who watch porn videos reported having an orgasm the last time they had intercourse. Some report porn helps them have a satisfying sex life.

AND  it is also true that many couples have good, satisfying sex without the added attraction of porn.

If your partner uses porn to masturbate – remember, masturbation is a personal act and one that is enjoyable for many people. If watching porn is part of that experience it is her/his personal choice.

If the latter definition, then there’s a problem. Porn shouldn’t be getting in the way of your relationship, (or in the way of being a functioning member of society, for that matter). If you feel your partner has become obsessed with it, it’s time to talk. Although it may seem hard to do, try not to be judgmental and try to remember what we mentioned above—watching porn is perfectly normal. What’s not normal is devoting every waking minute of the day to it and shutting out the rest of the world.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Size really doesn’t have much to do with performance.  A lover focused on their partner’s desires is more important.

Good sex consists of lot more than penetration. In fact, many women do not have orgasms from penetration – more are aroused by clitoral stimulation and oral sex.  Many women feel men who have smaller penises generally perform more oral sex and are more satisfying.

85% of women with male partners reported being satisfied with their partner’s penis size, while only 55% of men reported satisfaction with their own size. Try different positions if you are worried about size. Enjoy the sensations while exploring these positions.  Try the rabbit ears position, the V formation, or the snake, for ultimate sensation.

Mostly, if your partner has a smaller penis, let him know you are enjoying it and give him some reassurance that size really doesn’t matter – good lovers can do all kinds of things to make you love every moment of having sex.

If you are getting into a new relationship, remember many are self conscious when they are having sex for the first or second time.  Most people worry about some part of their body they think is imperfect. It is very sexy when a lover is confident ut their body shape and size.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

There is a myth that a woman’s vagina gets bigger and wider when she has a lot of sex, or a lot of partners, or lots of sex with someone who has a large penis. There is no truth to these “facts”.

Women’s vaginas vary in size, but are not so drastically different that one woman would be identifiable by a large, wide vagina, and another for a small, little vagina.  Genetics do make a difference, but it is not something we can easily tell. The average size of a vagina is 3 ½ to 4 inches in a relaxed state, and 5 to 6 inches in an aroused state.  A woman’s vagina does widen when she is sexually aroused, but as soon as arousal diminishes, her vagina goes back to its normal size.

The vagina is a muscle which stretches and contracts, depending on whether there is something in it or not.  If a woman is having sex and she is aroused, her vagina expands to hold a penis, a dildo, a vibrator, and/or other sex toys. When the penis or the toys are removed the vagina returns to its regular size.

For most people intercourse doesn’t feel the same every time you have sex – nor does it feel the same with every partner you have.  Sometimes a woman’s vagina feels tighter, sometimes loser, which is dependent on her state of arousal, not the width of her vagina.

Sometimes, after childbirth, a woman’s vagina might feel wider.  With kegel exercises, that fabulous muscle can get back in shape. A woman’s vagina might also change as she ages and goes through menopause.  As with other muscles, the tone of her vagina can change with age.  Here’s the good news … there are exercises that can help keep that muscle in shape even as you age.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Two very different ads about pleasure and safety….and no one gets naked! Which one do you prefer?

Here is an African condom ad, where the hot sound track “One Love” by Blue sets the steamy mood.

Multitude of condom uses in this one…and the condom is featured as an aphrodisiac!

Here’s the good news—we all worry about how our bodies look, especially when we’re having sex.  It’s a cultural problem that affects men and women alike.  It makes sense if you think about it.  We live in a culture of “faking it.”  As Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City once pointed out, “We’ve faked our hair color, cup size, hell, we’ve even faked fur.” With all this make-believe going on, it’s no wonder people feel nervous to be their real, naked selves in the bedroom.

But the bedroom is exactly where you should be yourself.  Believe it or not, when you stop worrying about the way you look and you truly let yourself enjoy a hot, erotic moment, you will be very sexy!  You will also be a huge turn on to your partner.

How is this possible? Think about the way you glow during great sex. Hearing and seeing you this way will most definitely stimulate your partner.

Since letting go and forgetting about body image in the bedroom is easier said than done, here are some tips:

1. Relax – Take a few deep breaths, and remember the last nice thing your partner said about you…or the way they looked at you…
2. Focus on the great parts of your body, instead of the parts you dislike. There has to be something about you that attracted your partner in the first place.
3. Don’t let your body hold you back.  Forget about how your stomach or thighs look from a certain position—just enjoy the position.
4. Be assertive.  Tell your partner what you like, what’s feeling good, etc.
5. Watch, listen and feel your partner. Focus on her or him and how sexy they are.
6. Let the sexual pleasure take over! Really. Get lost in it.
7. Have fun! And then write us a “You-were-right…” letter. We love getting those.

Be safe and use protection…Still have questions? Email them to goddess@ppnne.org

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Squircled numbers from Claudecf's Flickr stream

• In the US, men report a median of 8 partners, while women report a median of 3 partners.  
• Men report two to four times as many sex partners as women (ACSF Investigators, 1992; Johnson et al., 1992; Laumann et al., 1993; Smith, 1992).
• 25 % of women and 17% of men report no more than one partner of the other sex in their lifetime.

Researchers recognize these stats are skewed; some people over report and some under report their experiences. For example:  Heterosexual men from region X might report seven female sexual partners, but the women from that same region may only report four male partners.  It can be difficult for some people to always tell the truth about sexual partners.

The thing to keep in mind is that sexual desire varies from person to person, which can reflect the number of partners one has.  But this number is rarely a reflection of how good a lover someone is. 

Although experience can hone sexual skills, an inexperienced person can be just as great of a lover as someone who’s a veteran, if they allow their sexual desire and feelings to show. 

Don’t get too caught up on numbers. Everyone has the right to experience and enjoy a sexual life that is respectful, honest, open, and consensual, regardless of how many sexual partners they have had.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Whoa!

It is never “normal” to bleed during sex, not even a little bit (though you may experience bleeding if your period is due, or if it comes early or unexpectedly).

Bleeding is your body’s way of telling you something is not right.  If you experience bleeding, pay attention. Make an appointment with our health care team today and have it checked out.

For some women, a hormonal birth control (like the pill) could be to blame.  Breakthrough bleeding is a known side effect for the first 6 months on the pill.  The solution may be as simple as switching brands.

Bleeding can also be the result of trauma from abrupt stretching or tearing, or from the use of sex toys. Incorporate some lube into your routine to see if that helps.  

More serious reasons for bleeding include:  pregnancy; vaginal infection; an STI– including Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, or Herpes–or a benign growth on the cervix or in the uterus such as polyps.  Bleeding during sex can also be caused by cancer of the cervix, vagina, vulva, or uterus.

If you bleed during sex, see a medical practitioner.  Don’t ignore it, don’t take chances—you need to know why this is happening.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

A quick and dirty list of the basic hormone-free birth control options:

Barrier Methods–Condoms, Diaphragms and Cervical Caps:

Barrier methods  prevent your man’s sperm from traveling through your cervix, up and into your uterus and into your fallopian tubes. These methods control where the sperm can go and prevent the sperm from doing their thing—fertilizing the egg. Condoms, Diaphragms and Cervical Caps are  barrier methods.  If you are interested in Diaphragms or Cervical Caps, make an appointment and get measured for the correct size.

Spermicide: Used as foam or gel, Spermicide works because it kills or immobilizes sperm.  Spermicide is put into your vagina or on the condom covered penis and inhibits the sperm to “get going.”   You can purchase spermicide over the counter.

Intrauterine Device (IUD): IUDs are small, T-shaped devices made of flexible plastic inserted into your uterus to prevent pregnancy.  They create an unacceptable environment for an egg. IUDs are extremely effective and can last up to 12 years.  ParaGard is the only hormone-free IUD available in the USA.

Withdrawal (AKA: The Pull-Out Method): Although this is a hormone-free contraception option, it is very risky and is not as effective as other methods. To learn about the effectiveness of the Pull-Out Method, check out our earlier post.

Permanent Methods—Sterilization for Women (Tubal Sterilization): With sterilization, your fallopian tubesare blocked  in one of many ways (tying and cutting the tubes, inserting a small metal coil, electrical current, clips, clamps or rings, etc.). Sterilization is nearly 100 percent effective.  However, this method is permanent and not recommended for women who may want to have a biological child in the future.

Remember to think ahead, be ready, and enjoy the moment.

Planned Parenthood of northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Isabella Rossellini's Green Porno name is Randi Redhind!

Even porn is going green. Several weeks ago, we featured Isabella Rossellini’s Green Porno from the Sundance Channel. These entertaining short films put an unconventional twist on the reproductive lives of marine animals–educationally accurate and ridiculously hilarious, Isabella Rossellini makes dragonfly and barnacle sex seem steamy.

They have added a new feature to their website: Get Your Green Porno Name.

“Ms. Thorax” and “Butterfly Angelwing” remind you to post your name here!

By definition, “Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.”

There are a wide range of fetishes people experience.  You may like being tied up, for example, and someone else may be turned on by feet.  Fetishes vary from person to person.

If you want to share a fetish with your partner, wait until you know them well enough.  Asking someone on a first date to tie you up in leather and whip you could leave them running for the hills.

Once you feel comfortable enough with your partner, choose a time to talk and be as honest as possible.  Let your partner know how and why this fetish turns you on.

Ask your partner to include the fetish in your sex play—when and if they feel ready.

You should be aware your partner may be apprehensive to this idea at first, especially if this is the first time he/she has ever dated someone with a fetish. Be patient and non-defensive during this time.

Although there are lots of myths about them, fetishes can be safe, enhance sexual experiences, and be enjoyed by both partners.  Like any other sexual activity, it must always be consensual, mutual and respectful.

Planned Parenthood of northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org