Consider the Thought

A decade ends and so does this

2019-12-31T17:35:00.000-05:00

My son has been reading this blog of late. (I don't even remember everything I've written about, but I don't think I ever expected my kids to read it!). He asked me to close out the blog with the decade. It got me thinking about the past decade, the decade of moving from Japan to Ohio, from working at home to working at the college.

My son asked me why I don't write much anymore.

Writing is wonderful and hard. It's hard to get it right, to say something meaningful. It's hard to know how to make it better. Since a million people weren't salivating over the blog, it was easy to let go of it. Now, I write and rewrite a lot for my job; I am focused on teaching and telling stories in that venue.

Still, I've thought for a long time about writing a novel or script. I haven't let the idea that I've had take root, so it may float away to someone who will nurture it. Nonetheless, for now, a vague sense of it comes floating my way and then recedes from my thoughts. If I return to writing, I'd like to let this story find the space to stretch, to grow, to see where it takes me. However, I need to do research and think a lot more which takes a lot of time.

The thick of life with family, work, a few friends, means that I have to have both hope and a burning desire to write again to relentlessly pursue that story. It's scary to commit to a story idea, a world that may or may not bear fruit; it's also appalling to think that what if I don't shepherd that story? There's a part of me that thinks, it will find another author. There's a part of me that thinks, why me? There's a part of me that thinks, never say no to yourself, let the world do that, not you.

As this decade ends, my wish for you? That you never say no to you, and that the world takes whatever you give it and loves it all up!

Peace out...

Tuscan Wild Boar Sauce

2018-06-28T11:18:00.002-04:00

In Italy all recipes are local and very specific. Traipsing about Ravenna, Italy, two years ago, we happened upon a great restaurant with an enthusiastic owner who used fresh wine in everything (it turns to vinegar quickly). We were promptly fed wild boar sauce (use your best Italian accent to say that aloud as it is part of the pleasure) and chocolate cake. Wild boar sauce could be made with venison, other game, or even fresh pork in other parts of the world.

This version of wild boar sauce is Tuscan. Lest you think that wild boar are running about, they are not. We're in Castiglioncello, a lovely seaside town, where we had a cooking class with Simon, and Simon knows a guy (that's how you get fresh wild boar in summer). If you understand Italian or just want to see some of the fun, take a look at Simon's cooking show.

Tuscan Wild Boar Sauce

from Simon Devone http://www.ilboccatv.com

Ingredients

Wild boar butt with shank

Celery, remove tough outer green fiber

Carrot

Red onion

Garlic clove, remove the “anima” or green stem part

Sage sprigs

Rosemary springs

Bay leaf

Juniper berries

Young red wine

Olive oil

Vegetable stock

Double concentrate tomato paste
Tuscan Cocoa Pappardelle

Helpful Tools

Container with lid for marinade

Cuisineart or dice

Large saute pan

Large pot

Small pot

Directions

Marinade. In a container with a lid, place meat and bones. Cut vegetables into large chunks and add to meat. Add springs of fresh sage, rosemary, and a bay leaf. Add ten juniper berries. Cover all with wine. Soak for six to twenty hours. Drain and discard everything except the meat and bones.

Soffritto. Start with fresh vegetables and use only one of each item- celery, carrot, red onion, garlic clove. Place all vegetables and fresh spring of sage into cuisinart. Pulse about six times until forms a medium dice. In a large saute pan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add vegetables (they should hiss when they hit the oil) and immediately turn heat to low. Add ten juniper berries and a fresh bay leaf. Pull needles from two rosemary sprigs and add. Gently saute until onions are clear, about 10 minutes. May add a spoonful of water as need to prevent scorching. Place cooked vegetables into large pot.

Sauce. Slice meat into bite sized pieces and brown it in heated olive oil in saute pan over medium heat. Add browned meat to large pot with vegetables. Add salt, pepper, and a cup of red wine to pot over high heat to cook off wine, about 3 minutes. Turn heat to medium low and allow to simmer. In small pot with a lid, simmer a quart of vegetable stock over low heat. In a heat proof container or measuring cup, add 4 heaping tablespoonfuls of tomato paste, 2 ladles of hot stock, and stir together until dissolved. Add slurry to large pot. Simmer without a lid. If dry, add more stock very slowly until reduced and cooked down, one to two hours. Discard bones and bay leaves. Add cooked Tuscan Cocoa Pappardelle and serve warm (do not serve with parmesan cheese).

Tuscan Wild Boar Sauce

Tuscan Wild Boar Sauce with Tuscan Cocoa Pappardelle

Tuscan Cocoa Pappardelle

2018-06-28T11:05:00.000-04:00

from Simon Devone http://www.ilboccatv.com

Ingredients for Two

Flour (00 type), 200 gm

Eggs, 2

Salt, pinch or two as needed

Cocoa powder, 20 gm (10% by volume)

Semolina flour as needed

Helpful Tools

Rolling pin

Standing mixer fitted with dough hook can be used to form dough if available

Sharp knife

Large pot

Directions

On a clean surface place flour and form a well in the center. Crack eggs and dump contents into flour well. Add salt and cocoa powder. With fingers start mixing ingredient together from the center, incorporating more and more flour until it comes together to form a loose ball. Kneed the dough with heel of hand, adding bit of flour as needed until smooth and shiny, about 15 minutes by hand. Keep in mind that larger batches work better. Form smooth, shiny dough into a disc, wrap with plastic, and allow to rest for one hour.

Roll out ball of dough on a clean surface with a bit of semolina flour to prevent sticking. Roll dough only in one direction, turn a quarter, roll, and repeat until even and about 1 mm in thickness. Gently roll/fold sheet into a ribbon about 10 cm long. Cut rolled dough into thick strips approximately two fingers wide. Pick up each strip and run through fingers. Place ribbons in small bundles, onto a sheet dusted with semolina.

Bring pot of water to boil and add generous pinch or two of salt. Add pasta and cook until al dente, about 6 to 8 minutes. Drain and add to sauce. Serve hot.

Simon demos pappardelle strips

Tuscan Cocoa Pappardelle

Rustic Tart Shell

2018-06-28T10:47:00.001-04:00

Ingredients

500 gm flour

250 gm butter

4-6 Tbsp of iced water as needed

Fruit mixture

Helpful Tools

Large bowl

Pastry blender/cutter or Standing mixer fitted with paddle blade can be used to form dough if available

Spatula

Rolling pin

Baking sheet

Directions

Place flour into large mixing bowl. Cut butter into pieces and add to flour. Continue to blend butter into the flour until resembles fine pebbles of uniform size. Add iced water one tablespoon at a time to flour mixture and gently combine with spatula after each addition. After four to six tablespoons of water, the dough should start to just stick together; it should be a tad drier versus wetter. Press dough to form a disc. Allow dough to rest covered for 15 minutes. On a flat surface with a sprinkle of flour as needed, roll out the dough disc into two to three centimeter evenly thick sheet. Place sheet onto large baking sheet, ideally with a lip to insure that it contains any cook-over. Fill with fruit mixture. Turn edges of dough onto fruit. Bake 375ºF (190ºC) until golden brown, about 30 minutes.

Rustic tart shell with apricot fruit mixture

Apricot Fruit Mixture

2018-06-28T10:25:00.000-04:00

Ingredients

Apricots

Sugar - need .5 gm of sugar for every 1 gm of apricots

Fresh squeezed lemon juice, 1 lemon

Helpful Tools

Large pot with heavy bottom

Directions

Rinse fruit, drain, cut apricots in half, and discard pits. Weigh apricots and place into large pot. Calculate how much sugar is needed - .5 gm of sugar for every 1 gm of apricots. Pour sugar over apricots. Add juice of one squeezed lemon. Turn heat to medium high and stir to prevent sticking. Cook until thickened and apricots just start to breakdown, about 15 to 20 minutes. Pour into prepared rustic tart shell and fold edges up and onto fruit. Bake 375ºF (190ºC) until golden brown, about 30 minutes.

Apricot fruit mixture

Called by a Tuscan Apricot

2018-06-28T06:31:00.000-04:00

The lure of a tree draped in apricots was too much! Warm jam is one of the great pleasures in life. Jam was made without a scale, without a recipe, and without my jam pot, but it was made. If you have yet to eat warm jam, get thee to a farm stand. Buy some sugar and a lemon. Find a heavy bottom pot and await the most delicious moment of your day...

Apricot tree in Tuscany

Tips for Tokyo Summer Travelers

2017-07-22T19:00:00.001-04:00

Summers in Tokyo are hot and steamy, and in 2020 a lot of travelers will be heading to Tokyo for the summer Olympic games. As hindsight is 20/20, I'm noting what I learned from my travels and sharing these summer travels tips for Toyko:

1. Travel light
Portable, light suitcases that can easily navigate the tight spaces of trains, smaller hotel rooms, and crowded public spaces are essential. Fewer belongings are better than wrestling with too many bags! A reasonably small roller suitcase and a backpack or bag work well- especially one that slips over the suitcase handle which also reduces back strain. I made my kids use carryon suitcases for their stuff and had them put their electronics, book, sweater, and snacks in a backpack for easy access. I had a larger suitcase with half of it stuffed with OU t-shirts (see #7 below).

2. Pack quick drying clothes
Laundry in Japan is generally dried on the clothesline or rack. Public laundries do have dryers, but if you only have access to a hotel or apartment amenities, laundering items in the sink will require you to hang them up to dry. Quick drying clothes (polyester fibers, nylon, etc.) ensure your clothes are dry and ready. This particularly is relevant to your underwear but also applies to most things of thick cotton which can take a long while to dry. Pack well by bringing less- follow the 5 4 3 2 1 rule, choose coordinating colors (pick one scheme), and roll your stuff up.

3. Carry a hand towel
Public restrooms rarely provide paper towels or air dryers in Japan. The Japanese carry small hand towels for drying their hands in the bathroom. Purchase a small (wash cloth sized) hand towel- easily found in a variety of stores- look for absorbing fibers and darker colors.

4. Skip the water bottle
Japan has vending machines on top of mountains. My point here is that vending machines are every where in Japan. It's hot in Tokyo, and you'll want that drink cold. Skip the reusable bottle, and plan to purchase beverages as needed. I recently observed a Tokyo business man in his suit pull out and chug a liter bottle of o-cha at a cross walk- convenience stores sell single servings as well as half and full liter bottles. Restaurants do not generally provide refills in Japan, and in Japan, a small beverage is smaller than in America. Hydration might cost you a bit more in Japan, but you will need your fluids, and you'll appreciate them cold.

5. Pack out your garbage
Garbage can be complicated in Japan. At it's simplest you can find containers for "burnable" and "recyclable." However, you often have to pack out your garbage which means it is something to be mindful of that when you create trash, you'll need to think about when and where you can dispose of it. Sometimes this means carrying it for a bit. For example, some vending machines have a recycling collection for the bottles, but not always. Don't expect to readily find trash cans for your food wastes or hand wipes.

6. Hygiene products
I struggle the most with choosing which hygiene products. I've got curly hair so in humid weather the kind of hair products I use changes the way my hair behaves. In Japan, I opt for only taking hair gel as I can generally rely on the hair products in the hotels and onsens to be reasonably good, at most I would add conditioner. I also bring sunblock for my face, face lotion, deodorant, and contact cleaner. Everything else I can skip or buy there. Most of my Japanese friends buy toothbrushes at the convenience stores. You can even buy underwear at a convenience store in Japan- but you need to be a fairly small American (I wear a small in America but a large in Japan).

7. Gifts
Japan is a gifting culture that is alien to me- people give gifts when they go to your house, when you come to theirs, and so many other occasions that I don't understand. I often find myself in the awkward position of receiving a gift without one to give. Luckily, much of the gift giving is food based; it's easy to use it up (this is my minimalism coming out). Bring something from your hometown to share- whether a special spice, t-shirt, a jar of jam- then take it with you if someone invites you over.

8. Get a rail pass card
It's safe and easy to get around Japan whether on the train, subway, or bus. The subways, trains, and buses are easiest with a rail pass. My husband thoughtfully brought our Suica cards from five years before. These electronic cards make daily travels (and using those vending machines for cold drinks) infinitely easier and more efficient since you won't have to fish for coins or make your jet-lagged fogged brain count- add yen to your card and the fare is deducted electronically. Different rail (and bus) lines such as East Japan Railway Co. versus private, etc. may use other cards like the Pasmo. In an around Tokyo, either work for most of your transportation needs. The station agents can help you navigate platforms, train lines, and generally assist you with directions, but there's also an app.

Vending machines in Japan

Lala Leaps

2017-01-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Over drinks, I grumped with a friend about a book I was struggling to read from our book group. Ugh was my general feeling a few pages in. The writer is one of those storytellers that engages millions but not me so when my friend concurred, I was relieved and surprised. Turns out that having just gotten through the holidays (ancient alien practices of hometowns and family), we agreed that we prefer avoiding that reality stuff in books and movies. Instead we prefer more upbeat stories which in the moment felt true, though I do love "Silence of the Lambs," "Delicatessen," "Die Hard," and "Pulp Fiction," now that I think about it. The tenor of our conversation led my friend to recommend "Lala Land" and "Whiplash." The next day another friend texted an invite to see "Lala Land." "Sure, I hear it's a positive, upbeat film!"

"Lala Land" is in a genre I rarely watch, a musical. I got dizzy or seasick or something with the camera work zooming around to give the lay of the land in the opening bridge scene. It happens a few more times too- pool party scene, etc., but mostly I liked the fresh twist on romance until the abrupt halt. The ending gutted me. My friend headed off to the bathroom as I sat watching the credits in some version of stupification.

We reunited in the lobby. "I can't believe that was the ending."
""What did you want, the alternate reality version?"
"No, that's not it. I just didn't like it," I replied defensively.
My friend holds open the glass door and as I cross the threshold and says, "It just shows that one of them would have had to give up their dream if they stayed together."

Bam. That's why I hated the ending- too much like reality.

I want movies for romance, adventure, heroines and heroes. Of course those movies are kinda boring after you've watch a hundred of them. Or not. What the heck is with all the remakes? Safe bets. People watch them. Some don't even get released to theaters, straight to the rental/download market. Anyway, no one in film school aspires to write the formula stuff that we like or at least watch more than we admit. The Hangover 3? Star Wars
75?

There are choices to be made in life as in art, and most of us opt for the safe ones.

The universe is priming me to do something outside my comfort zone, something arty, creative. Uncomfortable. I want to do something that makes me uncomfortable in 2017, a lala leap, a dream.

Get busy

2016-11-26T23:39:00.000-05:00

"Do you ever think about dying?" a friend asked today which stands in contrast to recent thanksgiving holiday conversation spent chatting about martinis and dead plants. Yes, I'm aware that we're all going to die sometime sooner than we'd like; however, I'm not as worried about dying as I am about living.

I once had a bucket list in my early twenties. In making it I realized I was better off tossing the list for some deep work on a few things.

In the movies the villains are identified by their lack of humanity and self-serving ways; they don't need much. Villains roam about alone with every pleasure met and in command, until they are not. Life too tends to celebrates aloofness and the fruits of self-control from graduation to promotion to physical commitments. It's easy to forget that the self-serving ways and lack of humanity toward others is what does in the bad guys. That and stagnation, the refusal to grow or change.

"Get busy living or get busy dying," said someone, Red I think, in "Shawshank Redemption." The world shakes you up, swishes you around, and spits you out. It should change something in you or at least make you want to hang on to whoever's next to you. If you keep pulling back from others, letting go, you might be busy dying. If your hands are full from encouraging and holding others, well, you might just be busy living. I aim to live like I might die in the sense that I need to be kinder, softer, and more, well, more connected.

Connection interests me because it's at the heart of community, vitality, and it relies upon openness, trust, and an inner resilience that springs from a faith in fellow beings as helpers, encouragers, and as vectors of good. Connection is hard, it can hurt. It's scary because it makes you vulnerable, but shutting yourself off doesn't work so great either. We don't always get to be givers. Sometimes we have to receive. Ask for help. If this feels hard, then this definitely applies to you. If you're of the opposite camp, always in need of help, go help someone else.

That crack in your heart that we are all so busy protecting, yeah, somebody is going to jump on that, let it be a springboard to something good instead of a pit into a vast darkness. Death isn't exactly waiting for you to eat the salmon mousse. A little sunshine, some patience, some quiet time- ask someone to rub your feet, you'll be just fine and better for asking for it or for giving it, just get busy, living.

Elections

2016-11-10T11:43:00.004-05:00

I have voted absentee ballot most of my life. When I first lived on Capitol Hill in DC, I was eating dinner at a local pub when the election results started coming in. Young hill staffers were sitting at tables with cups of beer watching the election results. As victories and losses were announced, staffers would groan, knowing they were facing job loss. Eventually shouts and calls ensued, with, “Who’s hiring!?” There are loses in every election.

After this election it occurred to me that for a long time, there has been a portion of our population that has felt left out- left out of jobs, of growth, of opportunity. Look around, you are in Appalachia where a lot of poor white people have felt left out for a long time. I’m starting to think that Trump's appeal is about populism, about standing against a political machine, and, unfortunately, I surmise that the Democrats populist candidate (Bernie) was out maneuvered by the political machine which left only one outsider, Trump.

What if Trump's election is not about his social policy, but about standing up to the political machines that have only paid lip service to those who have been left out?

When to Walk Away...

2016-05-29T23:09:00.003-04:00

A recent experience with collaboration left me feeling frustrated, though, coordination, not true collaboration, gets closer to the interactions. The group adhered to Robert’s Rules, but we did not talk much outside of the meetings. There was little knowledge of each other, and we had no discussion of ground rules, priorities, or specific goals for the work we were doing. As the year evolved, we had less and less trust and no place for feedback. At one point when ideas were brought forth for discussion, instead, accusations vented momentary frustration and caused irreparable damage.

How to collaborate? My “to read” pile proffered help from Dan Sanker’s Collaborate! The Art of We.

Turns out, it’s a good idea to spend time getting to know each other, building trust and mutual understanding, writing down goals and measures for success, and establishing communication protocols. Ground rules for constructive feedback include focusing on ideas, not the person. It’s helpful to have leadership that has the ability to see the big picture and has the ability to tolerate intense exchanges of ideas and opinions without withdrawing or becoming defensive, thus avoiding the shouting match/accusation mess endured in the above experience.

What can group members do in these situations?

Executives are the ones to set up the ground rules, agenda, and goals. It falls to them to articulate this and leaves the non exec in the weak position of asking non-threatening questions or throwing out reminders of why we are gathered. Without trust, specific goals, or a place for feedback, the best tact is retreat. If the group dissolves, hopefully, a new, more collaboratively minded group will step in.

Individually, it helps to be self-reflective, work on our interpersonal skills, and contribute to the mindset of how we can work together which includes things like treating one another with respect, listening to one another, being honest, honoring commitments, and sharing the blame when things go wrong.

I stuck out the group and tried to focus on the reason I was there. In retrospect, I would advise myself differently. It takes a toll to be part of something unhealthy, and it tends to draw you down. If you’re involved in a collaboration or group work in which there is not a discussion of the group’s goals, a reminder of what’s been accomplished, what work needs to be done, lacks written communication, allows negative comments to block the flow of ideas, walk away.

Licked by a Tiger

2016-05-23T10:13:00.004-04:00

The soft probing lips of a camel nuzzles my cheek and sends tingling sensations allover my surprised body, confounded by the sensory overload. The wet sandpaper lick of a cat offers a sense of intimacy that makes me both pull back and fall into it with giggles and pleasure. The tiger's stealthily approach and giant tongue that goes up one side of my face and down the other, sends neurological synapses firing from my brain to my toes in wave patterns; I brace for the claws. The teeth. They never come. The overwhelming physical and emotional violation of this kind of intense engagement is hard to explain to both the tiger or others, unless they too have been reared or loved by one. My mother-in-law loved in this intense fashion.

The cost of loving like a wild beast is that some will fear you even as you learn to relax and accept it. As I grew more confident as a daughter-in-law and later as a mother, I was able to better appreciate that my mother-in-law loved me in her way. Still, I had to manage the intensity of her love, every time, and I spent a lot of time avoiding the licks of the tiger.

I often wished that she could have adjusted her approach to love to something that wasn't so overwhelming, so daunting. I was certain that she had never been told, but the truth is she could never hear it. No one can tell the tiger anything but perhaps the young, the pure of heart. My daughter once told her grandmother, in her firm child voice, "No. I don't like that Mimi." My husband and I looked up, curious. The look on Mimi's face was priceless, of shock, but then it gave way to a breaking smile. No one but the wee one dared to tell her no.

The child took the licks and earned the right to say no to the requests. Never the licks. Childhood is a time of intense relationship building, of intimate bonding, but as we grow, the need to connect to the wider, broader world, increases.

Those intense, well-meaning, licks, kept us isolated and apart. The tiger never learned and neither did I. Consider this. Anytime your licks create walls or gates to go up, you are making it harder to become one, to bring others together.

The Gift of the Messenger

2016-05-19T01:30:00.001-04:00

I have a theory that books can save lives, mine in particular. I think that the magic book or words will appear when needed. It's the middle of the night, but I'm in need of some saving so I open my Kindle and find this:

"Sure burnout comes from not taking care of yourself and burning the candle at both ends, but, more often, burnout comes from one or a combination of the following: 1. Lack of connection to purpose in what one’s working on, resulting in boredom, disinterest, and apathy 2. Lack of connection to people; not feeling seen or cared for, and not having a shared sense of purpose 3. Lack of celebration, appreciation, and acknowledgment for wins (little or big) 4. Lack of safety for vulnerability, creative expression, and authenticity 5. Lack of a reboot and recovery between projects or trips 6. Lack of empowerment and accountability, and not being and feeling well used 7. Lack of intention, presence, and therefore boundaries."

-Anese Cavanaugh, Contagious Culture

A few pages later there is this example that brought into focus the discrepancy of views of the same problem between a leader and the team.

"In their eyes, Jackie swooped in constantly, disempowered her team, made them feel inadequate, and then turned into a martyr at sunrise. It didn’t feel good. Let’s play it out. Jackie had unintentionally written herself into the role of hero in that no one else could do the job but her. (But the team was actually highly capable—the team members just needed clear communication and direction.) She then quickly stepped into the role of perpetrator, energetically blaming and judging the team for not being capable, and taking opportunities away from team members. (They felt small, judged, and robbed of experience.) And then she fell victim to being overwhelmed. Because she was so overwhelmed, she was often late to meetings, didn’t respond to e-mail, and left meetings early. Her team members felt she thought she was more important than all of them. By not speaking up, the team members had played right into the cycle with their own story, making the cycle even stronger. The fix was simple. The team members gave feedback (with care) and then made requests. Jackie owned her impact and made amends. Then they all redesigned agreements for how they’d move forward together. There was no drama. Just accountability. We write ourselves into roles every."

- Anese Cavanaugh, Contagious Culture

No drama? That's out of my hands. With care? I need more information here because I put a lot of thought into the message, and it exploded big, fat, and ugly. Screaming, "The messenger is not the message," is of little use. It dawns on me, this problem is as old as time.

Messengers get shot or need to run fast.

The message is only relevant if you search inside yourself, and it sticks. Soul searching has a way of making us better human beings if we do it honestly, and no one wants to tell you this stuff because it's hard. It's uncomfortable. Listen. Listen deep in your heart. I'm trying to help you. It's a gift to get a message like this, one that makes you wince, yes, but if you use it...

Use the message to make you better, not to shoot me.

Quote

2016-03-15T21:34:00.001-04:00

"If your work is not having the desired effect, you must look at it from all angles until you find the source of the problem. You must not merely observe the rivals in your field, but dissect and uncover their weaknesses. “Look wider and think further ahead” must be your motto."

Mastery

An Evolution of Happiness

2016-03-13T16:56:00.002-04:00

I just want you to be happy.
Thanks Mom.

That felt like a ton of bricks when I went off to college. I didn’t know what would make me happy. I thought I was alone in this particular confusion, that I was born this way. There's some truth to this. Researchers at the University of Minnesota studied identical twins separated at birth and found that half of our happiness is hard wired; it’s in our genes. I’m a fairly serious, randomly funny, person that lives a messy life full of distractions, pot holes, and time warps. I would not say that I’m gentically programmed to be extremely happy, but I get that I, and you, are uniquely, genetically endowed- no other snowflake is like me or you. I thought happiness was follow this path to a good job and have a family on this timeline. However, who knew that learning the how and what it is that makes me, specifically me, happy would be so hazy.

Sometime in the mid two thousands with small babies in the house, my husband came in crowing about having heard the secret to happiness on the radio. I cocked my head.

Well?
It’s not what you think. It’s not the lottery, a powerful job, or money.
It’s two children under two?
It’s how close you live to your job!

A study had found that proximity or living close to your job, a short commute, was the key to happiness. At the time, we lived in Washington, DC, where no matter where you live, it takes forever to get where you need to go. A frustrating commute could turn a sane person crazy. From DC we would visit Athens and marvel that we could get anywhere in town in less than fifteen minutes. That moment was the set up for our intention to live some place that we could readily traverse.

My next external happiness clue came from a National Geographic story about the Blue Zones where pockets of longevity were studied that included, Loma Linda, CA, Sardinia, Italy, and Okinawa, Japan. Diets varied from vegan to Mediterranean, required no unusual exercise regimens beyond natural activities like walking but all of them had faith, family, and social networks that supported healthy behaviors. Happiness again seemed to be partly about location, a community having certain things in it.

The Harvard Grant Study which looked at a group of Harvard undergraduates over a seventy-five year period concluded that the best predictor of happiness is not the perfect job, not money, health, nor good looks, it's relationships. All you need is love.

Ok, so love and location.

The thing was, I was married, with kids, but I mostly wished I had some space, another location, from all that relating, love. Space to think in complete sentences. I missed my job where people listened to me, paid me money, and did what I said. I missed that, but not all of it, not the fifteen hour days, not eating takeout most nights, and not the just work, work, work. I wanted a better handle on my commute, my community, but also on my day to day life. I wanted to cook my own dinner. Read more books. There was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. What else? Some big goal?

Research says one off events like getting a dream job or moving to Athens impact happiness but that these kinds of huge goals dissipate quickly which bring us to the ongoing twelve percent rooted in valuing faith, family, community, and work.

I attend church regularly, I meditate occasionally, I work in the community frequently, and that family it keeps on loving me whether I’m happy or not, but work? Not eighty hour weeks that give us health problems. It’s co workers those social connections, but it’s also rewarding work.

Rewarding work?

Rewarding work is about earned success, and you define how you earn this success- sales? Students taught? School lunches changed? Stories written? Films made? If you can discern your own project and discover the currency you value, work will be rewarding.

The pursuit of happiness is about discerning what makes you happy, but that is a kind of slippery thing. You have to notice what excites you. What do you love? What fuels your interest over time? Pay attention to what excites you. Notice your taste. Pay attention to your attention. I'll steal a line from Ira Glass, What make your world seem bigger, like a world you want to live in? A world with surprise? Joy? Then you have to learn to throw up the question, what's amusing to you? You have to figure out how to do this from where you are doing the work you do... so choose wisely.

It's in your choices that you'll find your happiness, but you'll have to choose what makes you happy again and again and again. Happiness evolves.

Blessed be the...

2016-03-08T13:58:00.002-05:00

When I finished my son's baby book, a compilation of photos from his first year of life, for his fifth birthday, I recalled John O'Donohue's poem "For Your Birthday." I had read it somewhere during those busy early childrearing years. Now, I think of the poem as his birthday approaches. The poem reminds me of the wild beauty this universe exhibits in it's quest to express life in its many forms.

My kiddos are both mysterious, loving, kind, unique, and cursed to have me as their mother in the sense of whatever bent I give them, will be a bent from which they must eventually find release. In contrast, I have been shackled, smothered, loved, hugged, weighed down, and lifted up by their beings, downfalls, and special joys. I alternate between conjuring and entropy. I'm a little push here, a smidge of prodding there, or just a stir of the pot kind of parent, hopeful but not always trusting in leaving well enough alone, yes, a helicopter parent at times. Parenting has been an amazing privilege at which I have both failed miserably (yelled my head off at an innocent child) and soared spectacularly (held myself back to allow them space to take off)-- somedays on the same day. Even though I occasionally wish they would turn off the widgets spontaneously, play the piano without prompting, or clean their room regularly, I remain in awe of my kiddos and their special ways. Some of us get distracted, forget, or have lost touch with what pushes our buttons to dive deep, fly solo, or love unquestioningly, thankfully, so far, not them. Happy birthday to my little guy, your mama loves you.

For Your Birthday

Blessed be the mind that dreamed the day
The blueprint of your life
Would begin to glow on earth,
Illuminating all the faces and voices
That would arrive to invite
Your soul to growth

Praised be your father and mother
Who loved you before you were;
And trusted to call you here
With no idea who you would be.

Blessed be those who have loved you
Into becoming who you were meant to be,
Blessed be those who have crossed your life
With dark gifts of hurt and loss
That have helped to school your mind
In the art of disappointment.

When desolation surrounded you,
Blessed be those who looked for you
And found you, their kind hands
Urgent to open a blue window
In the grey wall formed around you.

Blessed be the gifts you never notice,
Your health, eyes to behold the world,
Thoughts to countenance the unknown,
Memory to harvest vanished days,
Your heart to feel the world’s waves,
Your breath to breathe the nourishment
Of distance made intimate by earth.

On this echoing-day of your birth,
May you open the gift of solitude
In order to receive your soul;
Enter the generousity of silence
To hear your hidden heart,
Know the serenity of stillness
To be enfolded anew
By the miracle of your being.

– from Benedictus, by John O’Donohue

Breathing into Being

2016-02-20T22:03:00.001-05:00

The second I sense that I need to talk to someone in an open environment, meaning not with a specific platform, pressure enters and I sound ridiculous even to myself, or I clam up and say nothing- particularly in a group setting or party. It's exasperating! A tape plays in my head, "You're terrible at small talk, you can't do this." I get so busy listening to this con that I can't marshall my tongue to move or my brain to come up with a question. Sometimes, I practice a question beforehand, particularly for gatherings or parties, so I have some generic ice breaker at hand like, "What are your plans for the weekend, spring break, the holidays, etc." Sometimes I'm so busy playing that loser tune, even the prep question alludes my holely brain. Sometimes I stumble into meaningful conversation, but at heart I remain unsure of how to easily enter conversation about the ideas that interest me.

Yesterday, I confessed my discomfort in asking for donations because it feels like sales- I'm terrible at sales, not a salesperson, blah, blah, blah. My friend eyed me over once and then said, "That's not true. Kim, you're very good at selling an idea you're passionate about. You've sold me before!" With that statement and alternative perspective ringing around in my head, I went to an exhibit today that was in part in existence because I helped championed it.

Truth is I championed something because I couldn't find anyone else to do it. I asked other champions to hang with me and see what they could do with their ideas. Today I saw that the work of other people came out of that breath I was willing to blow months and months ago and realized what can happen when I half heartedly attempt to keep a beautiful thought alive- like at museum exhibit and a card game!

Now for less tape playing and more breathing... keep going!

That cool card game that got made as part of Upgrade Athens Co.

from the Discovery Museum exhibit of the Green Revolution

Quote

2016-02-05T21:09:00.001-05:00

“Creativity is often misunderstood. People often think of it in terms of artistic work—unbridled, unguided effort that leads to beautiful effect. If you look deeper, however, you’ll find that some of the most inspiring art forms—haikus, sonatas, religious paintings—are fraught with constraints.”

—Marissa Mayer, Yahoo! CEO

Florida Girl does Winter

2016-01-24T00:05:00.001-05:00

Reared in the panhandle of Florida, my concept of cold has always been that it's temporary.

I'm prepared for heat. I tend to wear one layer, bring a jacket. A hat and gloves are a nusence and a scarf is for Europeans, city folk, mountain people. Then. I learned to ski.

Skiing requires base layers of long underwear, balaclavas, glove liners, fleece pullovers, hand warmers, and an awareness that all of this gear must be applied, zipped, and strategically maneuvered to limit skin exposure and insure maximum warmth before you even step outside.

I'm forever sure it won't be cold enough, really I can't imagine it will actually be that cold. I leave off layers that I soon regret or walk onto lifts with my clothing partially assembled having to clip, zip, and tug it while exposing my hands to the windchill and loosing body heat I can't regain on a mountain top.

I manage a few runs despite numb fingers and thumbs that throb and ache because I love the trees sparkling with ice and that the sunlight bounces off the snow in an over exuberant fashion. Maybe it was all the hurricanes in my youth, but I love to see the wind whipping snow with force and drama.

It's below zero on that mountain, my toes are purple, I'm wishing for heated gloves, but it's beautiful. The snow and light are dancing, the trees are frosted. I am not in Florida anymore.

Quote

2016-01-23T23:36:00.001-05:00

"Developing a sense of taste means exposing yourself to a wide range of something—a wide range of music, a wide range of art—and not just exposing yourself, but asking questions."

- Brian Grazer, A Curious Mind

A Chimera

2016-01-18T04:42:00.001-05:00

As a child, I was curious about faraway places. I stared a images in National Geographic for hours wondering how would it really be? I also really wanted to go to the mermaid lagoon in my Peter Pan picture book.

I got to a few places around the globe, some in National Geographic; I lived abroad for a decade and traveled.

Now, I'm curious about what's inside, what's accumulated or what's always been there, but has only just been excavated. Oh, that's exciting stuff.

It's hard to find the inside stuff, you have to practically wander into it. I read a lot, ask questions, and write bits of it down. I'm not sure what I'm doing with it, but I like having notes and random thoughts on papers in various notebooks. When I take the time to explore my notes, sometimes I come up empty handed, other times, I gain an insight. Sometimes I perplex myself- contradictions like when I realize something I thought to be true, isn't true anymore.

I value positivity, but in my darkest moments it fails me every time. I still pursue it but not relentlessly because it's not the thing I'm after.

The thing I'm after, curiously, keeps changing, a chimera.

80s Night: Everybody needs to dance more

2016-01-16T00:45:00.001-05:00

At my first eighties night in thirty years, the Casa DJ spun the dance tunes that even I, only slightly into music and without cash to buy many tapes or albums, remember- C'mon Eileen, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Like a Virgin. I'm still a Cyndi Lauper fan. People dance with their phones glowing in their hands now which just seemed wrong, maybe odd.

It's weird to dance again, I mean I sort of remember how, but I mostly dance around the house, but even that has been a while.

One should wear ear plugs when dancing in front of giant speakers with a gyrating dance floor belting out all the tunes. I saw a student; I figure it's eighties night, that was my decade, students deserve to see a teacher out having fun.

The music took a tentative turn toward the unknown at midnight, we left, but first we walked past students assembled out the door and down to the corner of the street; I had no idea.

I watched a TED talk today on messiness. The stranger, the destructive act, the uncomfortable silence- they feel awkward, but they are good for us.

Everybody needs to dance more.

Keep Shining

2016-01-01T01:58:00.001-05:00

I fold away the new year sparkles

I dump the odds bits of snacks into the trash

I wipe down the counters

I stare at fresh horizons as a new year beckons

I look at the old with new eyes

What good is it if... I don't make it better?

I'm unfinished- there is more to take away...

I fold away my fears

I reach for an ounce of courage

I add a dash of hope

I soften and lean toward a better me

I polish; I edit, I hope to

Keep shining

The IKEA Effect

2015-10-23T18:22:00.000-04:00

There's this idea that's been around for a while (2011) called the Ikea Effect. It's about the work put into assembling furniture from Ikea that though it may not be the prettiest, the time and labor put into it makes it all the more valued. Labors of love are special. Even Harvard has studied it.

Today, I officially reentered the work force because of someone else's vision and value of my professional journey which has taken me through five degrees, three continents, a career in health care, a dual masters degree in nursing and business, a love of story, and the desire to work with students again. My heart glows with thanks and gratitude, made all the more meaningful because it was assembled, so to speak, by hand with directions in Swedish with a lot of screw drivers and hammers.

It's not a fancy title. It's not for riches. It doesn't even include a tuition break, but it's a launch. Thank you! I can't wait to see where we go.

Full Frontal Eyeballing

2015-10-21T20:51:00.001-04:00

My husband always says, "I could do surgery on you when you're reading, you don't notice a thing." That's what I get for being great at hyper focusing at home. I'm happiest when I get to let my mind wander, but it turns out that most people are happiest when they focus (see Matt Killingsworth's research on track your happiness). Maybe I'm happiest when I get to focus on what I want to focus on, but I think of it as mind wandering?

Here's a focus suggestion for you.

Get a loved one, zip your lips, set a timer for four minutes, and stare into their eyes, full frontal eye balling, go! No loved one? Get a friend and drop the time to one minute.

What did you think about? Share that. It's kind of cool. It's kind of weird. We don't just look at each other enough.

Attend to the people in your life, look deeply at them. You just might enjoy life and them a bit more.

full frontal eyeballing