Contemplating Beauty

Monkey Bars

2012-01-27T08:00:00.005-06:00

I don't know about you guys, but all throughout grade school, my

daughter lived on the Monkey Bars.

Do kids still love the monkey bars??

It was her absolute favorite thing to do and she became really really good at it.

She had excellent speed, and glided along really gracefully.

If you've followed along on my blog for even a month or so, you'd know that I have a 17 year old daughter.

Her and I have a very loving, intentional, relational, trusting, open, affectionate, compassionate, grace-filled relationship.

And up until about 3 months ago I never would have thought that I'd be hit- what has felt like a Semi-truck,

with the typical teenage years. We just hadn't gone through it {yet}.

Sure, none of parenting is smooth sailing, but I can say parenting this girl, has

been close to it. We've had our fair share of stuff, but nothing like the last three months. Nothing.

One of the issues going on is her relationship with her boyfriend. She gets so emotional and lately her feelings have been getting the best of her. The happy go lucky girl I use to see everyday doesn't come around as much. Which again, I know can be normal. Thanks to Tamera, at Tamera Beardsley Blog, I have come to know and understand just how "normal" this is. And that it's OK. She'll be OK. I'll be OK.

We will find our groove, once again. Soon.

Tonight as we were talking and catching up at the dinner table, she was opening up about feeling frustrated about her feelings and emotions and how she wishes she could change and work on things deeper. She's irritated about how she's handling some stuff, and feels really overwhelmed.

I told her that one of the things I identified over the last several months with her is that she

is clinging to things.

She is clinging to her boyfriend. She is clinging to every small issue. She is clinging to every moving emotion like it's the Gospel Truth, and I know it feels that way. She's clinging to peoples failures. She's clinging too tightly. To too much.

I brought up The Monkey Bars.

I asked her if she remembered how much she use to love them? She remembered. We reminisced about that for a while. And I said:

"When you first started out on the Monkey Bars you clenched your whole hand around the bar and you would not go forward. You were clinging so tightly...but that is not how you use monkey bars. You glide from one bar to the next, moving gracefully. You don't cling. You pass through. You let go. You overlook {we overlook one monkey bar too to get to the next one, remember}...

This is how you handle the things in life that seem so big, and problematic. Think of these "big issues" and irritations and feelings or happenings as you would the monkey bars.

Sure you notice something or someone that is bothering you or a situation that makes you upset, but then you don't cling to it, you move on. You see it, recognize it, gently welcome it and then you keep on movin....just like you do on the monkey bars. Don't cling to tightly to anything, or anyone. But move through all of it gracefully and gently."

I was looking desperately to find the picture I had in mind of my daughter swinging on a set, but I just couldn't locate it. Sorry for the horrible picture, but it suits the purpose. It's a good shot of moving through.

She cut her hair in May and it is growing back so slowly. She so desperately wants it long for Show Choir. So I agreed that she could get some {cheap} extensions. The Madelynn I know would be laid back and relaxed about this. But her behavior was so life or death over these extensions and how they were going to look and if they'd be long enough and on and on. I don't even think it's healthy to want them in the first place, but I indulged her on this one. Because you have to pick your battles, especially when they are teenagers.

She was clinging so tightly to these extensions like they would make or break her on stage.

This is not the girl I raised, but this is a teenage girl with a lot of emotions and feelings; trying to sort through life and insecurities. Remember that?

I'm still doing it.

{no matter how we parent or what we teach our kids or what unique things we have to offer them, or no matter what our style is or our beliefs, our kids are still going to become their own people. They are an extension of us, and it's not until they become teenagers do you really really see how human and independent they really are from you.}

Think of all the things we cling to. Our houses. Our cars. Our money. Our clothing. Our hair. Our spouses. Our rights. Our opinions. Our views. Our jobs. Our TV's. Our looks. We act like we own these things.

We are chronic clingers, let's face it.

God provides everything to us, by His incredible grace.

It will all be dust one day anyway. I believe it is not really ours, but

His anyway.

This idea of moving through life on the Monkey Bars really seemed to resonate with Madelynn. And it's resonating with me.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Romans 12:9

Wall Art {using clip frames}

2012-01-26T08:00:00.001-06:00

I promise,you will not be disappointed-this is the coolest craft ever!

When I first saw this craft/project in a magazine, I was

completely intimidated.

I love doing crafts, but I'm not that great at it.

I can do some things really well, and I am all for a new project,

but I don't do them too often.

But, I had to give this a try, and I knew I could count

on my artist husband to pretty much lean on during it.

{Thanks for that husband.}

So without further adieu,

here is this amazing project, I know

you'll be inspired, or at least that is my hope.

And it's something you can do with your significant other!

WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

Plain glass frames with silver clips. We ordered them from

Adormama We ordered 15 frames,

in size 8X10 (that is the part of this that can be spendy), but you are creating

a lifetime piece here; this is not just an ordinary craft.

The paper we chose.

You will need paper that you are in love with. The original instructions in the magazine showed the people using a Wallpaper that was $625 dollars! Can you believe that?! Obviously there was no way we were going to do that, so we figured we'd look for wrapping paper.

But instead we went through all my scrapbook paper, and couldn't find a one that we liked enough.

I'm telling ya, it has to be one you are in love with.

In our search I came across some vintage wrapping paper that my husbands gramma had given me years ago, and my husband brought that to the UPS store and made color copies. He made about 18 copies{just to have extra on hand, remember, I'm clumsy}, and the total was around $7.00 bucks!

{you will technically need 15 copies for this project)

Double sided tape, paper cutter, or good scissors, 15 of your favorite most cherished pictures together in black and white, and some coffee or tea.

The sheets of paper were slightly larger than 8x10, so we just trimmed off the extra.

Remove the glass and clips from the frames. This can be tedious, but it's not so bad. Lay the sheet of paper on the body of the frame, then using the tape, place one long piece along the back of the photo,

and eye-ball it into the center (don't measure, you'll stress yourself out)!

and apply to your pretty paper.

Put the glass back on {over the paper and photo}, and your clips and voila!

Look what you have! Isn't this cool?!?!

I don't know about you guys and your pooches, but Nells

always, always has to plop right down on top of whatever

we.are.doing.

he's just so cute though. he can ruffle my feathers any day.

See how it's coming along now?!

You are basically making a piece of art!

You will have 5 frames going across,

and 3 frames going down.

And then you need to find a place to hang your finished product!

The total space is 50 wide by 24 high.

Your living room will get kinda messy. We had plastic Target bags to help us along the way, and put all our scraps and packaging/recyclables in there.

Welp, Nells found my heating pad! He loves that thing!

Now it's time to get hangin!

We decided to hang this lovely invention in our bedroom!

It's the perfect fit for above our bed. We moved into our new house 5 years ago

and still haven't come up with anything for above our bed, that's an important thing don't ya know!

So my husband can be kind of Griswald {Clark} that is, when it comes to doing stuff around the house, like fixing leaky faucets or a stuck door, so he happen to use a piece of yarn to line up the frames so they'd be even on the wall. You want to hang the frames side by side, no gaps.

I love it so far! One of the reasons I dig this project so much is because it's like a piece of art, but it's meaningful, and sentimental. And it's something you can do with someone. We picked out the photos one night, then the paper another, and weeks ago my husband ordered the frames.

It's like a collective piece of sorts.

We both have different gifts, and we were able to put those into practice with this project.

t a- d a !

toldja, on top of everything.

Total time I'd say less than 4 hours.

And it's nice b/c you can easily split up your time, and

do it on different nights.

I so hope you liked this, and give it a try! I imagine you could

use any photos; the magazine just showed it with a couple.

But you could do any theme really.

So fancy, yet so humble, and of course,

beautiful.

You Are Enough

2012-01-24T00:22:00.000-06:00

2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Something, thee thing, I hear most often from fellow{and myself} woman/mothers/wives/friends is this:

"I don't feel like enough." "I don't do enough." "I haven't done enough."

{those are lies}

I think the most important thing to remember is that this sentence does not translate into:

"I am not enough."

I am filled with compassion toward others when I hear of this so often.

I need to have more compassion for myself I think, and love myself better in this area.

For me I struggle because I can't physically do all that I want to do; even just around the house {making my bed can be tough on me}, so it can be maddening mentally if I think of all that needs to be done that I am unable to do. I've so grown and been refined in this department, {cough cough}, learning to let go of a lot. Sometimes, that's the only way to survive. Letting go, that is.

I think of this so often, about how as women we are so hard on ourselves, and think:

We are either not good enough or not enough. Or that we don't do enough.

Whether we are comparing ourselves to other women, or feeling inferior about our talents, or we can't keep up around the house, it's often a feeling that leaves us hollow and wishing we were more.

I like this little quote I posted because, honestly how true is that? {awake. alive. blessed}

If I keep gently tugging at my skirt everyday to tell myself this, and drink some coffee, call a friend, watch for birds, love God, hug my daughter, encourage my husband, call my parents, pet my dog,

and pray for the homeless, I know I'm OK. awake. alive. blessed. awake. alive. blessed.

Well, here's the deal{the real truth}:

You are enough.

You cook enough.

You work enough.

You clean enough.

You play with your kids enough.

You smile enough.

You bake enough.

You craft enough.

You exercise enough. You exercise enough. Again---You exercise enough.

You are creative enough.

You care enough.

You car pool enough.

You attend children activities enough.

You walk the dog enough.

You eat healthy enough.

You drink water enough.

You organize enough.

You do laundry enough.

You are think enough.

You read to your kids enough.

You weed enough.

Your car is clean enough.

You read enough.

You write enough.

You paint enough.

You listen enough.

You are attractive enough.

You share enough.

You discipline enough.

You care enough.

You are beautiful.

Wanna add to the list? PLEASE COMMENT, I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Five Girls and a Bad Cake

2012-01-22T11:46:00.004-06:00

I am linking up with Rebecca over at Simple As That today, for The Simple Things.

On Sundays we post our favorite picks of the week in photos. Because it was my daughter's Birthday week, it made it quite the challenging task, but here are my top five (and actually I think it started out being a that we post ONE photo from the week:) for The Simple Things.

Here is the dining room all decked out ready for a celebration.

Madelynn had her 5 closest friends over for a night of tacos, music, crafts, laughter, girl talk and movies.

Five girls.

I love this shot I captured of my daughter, this is one of those pictures as parents where it's only us that can see what we feel, (know what I'm talking about? I know you do)

In the top left corner you can see the end of the pink balloon she was playing with!

and. . .here's where I talk for a minute about this cake. Looks good right? All homemade, and domestic-- on a pretty stand and all. .
well,(here's where my martha stewart skills lack)

don't be deceived.

Long story short:

*the recipe called for self rising flour which i thought all flours came with which apparently they do not and i used the regular flour i had on hand, and basically this cake is 2 very dense yellow pancakes.

the girls took one bite and threw the rest out.* phew!

{good thing I had Cookies N' Cream Ice Cream in freezer and Dr.Pepper in the fridge}

but for some reason, i actually liked the cake.

thanks for reading!

Perspective

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

so much of how we go through life and internalize things mentally and emotionally,

is all about perspective.

But first before I continue with this post, I wanted to share some Papaya Art with you!

It is some of my

most loved art out there and I picked just a few of

my favorites to share with you.

Pretty great, right?

I first fell in love with Papaya Art when my BF gave

me a piece to hang, about 6 years ago. . .

I have her. But I think I need that Fearless one next.

I knew my love for Papaya Art reached new heights when, out of

all the planners I could have chosen for 2012, I chose. . .

thee anticipated arrival of the parcel. . .

out of parcel, but. . .{look at that packaging!}

like it was my birthday!

isn't it pretty? I had to go with the Eiffel Tower b/c

I've been there!

They even included a couple of greeting cards in a few different sizes.

The planner has accordion pockets inside too, which

is perfect for a thought jotter downer like me.

Here is a quote on perspective on one of the first pages--btw, this puppy is gorgeous inside! Filled with beautiful

art work on every page.

"The real voyage
of discovery consists not
in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes."

marcel proust

Let's face it, more times than not we are unable to change our circumstances; our "view" our landscape.

We live in a fallen world full of unthinkable circumstances and losses-- terrible, awful, painful things

happen to all of us, some more than others. And there are several answers as to why, but

that'd have to be another post. But for now, I think it's simply b/c our world is imperfect.

We then are traumatized by unfathomable events.

Our bodies, minds, families,

marriages, jobs, groups, friends, and

churches,

fail us everyday.

Most of the time all we can do

is push through and endure.
{I truly believe if we search long enough and deep enough, we can gain a new perspective.}

And of course we pray.

And in that prayer, we might not should be asking God to change our landscape,

{which is not bad to do}, but to change how we handle our landscape {circumstances}.

How to better live among it.

Beg God to give us a different perspective.

Ask Him to give us a new way to look at it. A new way to find peace with it.

Torture and unplanned as it may be, it's happening. It's happened.

I know we can find good and beauty in everything if we just ask God to show it to us.

We are too blinded by hurt to possibly think there could be any beauty in many landscapes,

but it's there.

Having a new way to think about something can change your life.

I know b/c it's happening to me. It's happened to me.

And it will continue to.

So I seek out God in prayer and ask gently, and sometimes not so gently,

to give me a new way to see things.

Because honestly, it's the only way to stay sane sometimes.

The quote {challenge}, suggests that we find beauty and get a new set of eyes when dealing with the mundane,

dreadful,

painful,

and dismal.

It's remarkable what a new set of eyes can do.

A Winner, and A Funny

2012-01-18T11:45:00.000-06:00

so.

my husband has this cute little obsession of my childhood photos.

which i think is cute.

but he has this particular photo that he has a love affair with.

so much so that. . .

can you see it?

how bout now?

there i am!

right in my husband's office on his work cork board!

he has been in love with this picture since we met 11 years ago!

hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

i will never forget that shirt, because it was used--(now we call it "thrifted", and the boob area

was all worn out)! mom, what were you thinking?!

and that hair!!! i'm not clever enough to come up with a line for it,

it speaks for itself i think, would you agree?

and now the winner of the Fresh Sugar Tinted Liptreatment,

AMY REHBEIN from The Little Beansprout!

#12 comment

thank you again everyone for your all your support and encouragement of me and my

little blog!

every two seconds

2012-01-16T12:55:00.001-06:00

my husband and i had one of "those" kinds of weekends.
if you are married, or even if you aren't
but you have a significant other, you know what i mean.

it was one of those weekends, that without grace,
we wouldn't be talking to each other today,
we wouldn't be looking at each other today,
we would be acting rude today.
we would have resorted to self, but instead
we resorted to God, out of love for Him,
we chose grace.

every.two.seconds.
we had to. grace was the only thing that would take us
to a different place.
we were stuck. stuck in our tones. stuck in our words. stuck in our dirty looks.

by choosing grace, every two seconds, we get beyond whatever we are stuck in;
whether it's a disagreement, or bickering, or a blowout.

free will is such a beautiful thing, and everyday i'm thankful that we have
a choice to choose grace.

grace is like a beautiful rose in a mysterious way.
grace, like a rose

has so many hidden layers that we haven't even reached yet.

both so beautiful.

this girl

2012-01-15T16:37:00.006-06:00

let me tell you a thing or two about this girl. she is 17 going on 18, officially today.
she was born into an unwed mother {me}, and raised my a single mom {me again} until she was seven.
I didn't even name her for crying out loud. i was too out of it, so my mom named her, i just insisted her middle name be violet. so madelynn violet it was. and still is. although we call her madz.
she didn't even have her own room until she was 4. we shared a lot, and a room was one of them.

this girl didn't have a lot, although she was not deprived. it was before computers were
around in homes, or cell phones, so none of those things took up our time. and with not being
able to afford toys {toys came at Birthdays and Christmas' from family and friends}, we had
two things--EACH OTHER.

i didn't have days being concerned about how cute her invite would
be, or how the decorations would look. these things are mostly meaningless, and i think are done for us, the mom's that want things to look pretty and good. but my daughter has never given a second thought to decorations hardly. sure, she has appreciated it and thanked me for making an effort and making her day special when I could, but decor and the invite is the last thing she noticed.

i like to snap a few pictures the week of her birthday, and this is one i got of her after school in that rockin outfit. {instead of What I Wore Wednesdays, I've contemplated doing What She Wore Wednesdays, cuz she's always so cute}!

oh the days before digital; her newborn picture!

believe it or not i use to not like pink at all. her wardrobe consisted in red, tan, and black mostly.

now i love pink!

my maid of honor at my wedding

this girl, who is about to become an adult, is getting ready to leave the nest. and it's not been as hard on me as i thought. i think parents are "ready" too. she plans to only go to college less than an hour away, and with our stellar relationship, that is a good thing, because we are so tight. i never thought i could be ready or prepared for such a thing, and i don't think we really are. i think it has happened as a process. i continue to hear parents, including myself say "I won't be able to let go, I just can't imagine the day . . ."

but I think it happens because they are ready to sort of learn to grow on their own, and mature. And I honestly think we are ready too. it just brings us to a new season, a new time. we all go through it. it's just at the time when they are so young, and it doesn't seem like things could ever be different than what we are use to, it seems impossible, but trust me, it's a natural ebb and flow.

i didn't say it was easy.
there's a lot of holding tight and letting go in parenting.

in action on stage in The Bacchae, a Greek Tragedy that she did her Freshman Year.

back stage/dressing room, love this shot

16 year old pictures

Mother's Day 2010

Lyrical

Ballet

Aw, 8th Grade Formal, it was such a big thing at the time!

On stage as The Cat In The Hat in Suessical the Musical in 8th Grade

Madz was 15 here, and it was the day to me, that she started really changing. she started to resemble a woman. it was a hard one to swallow. so bittersweet.

Oh 7th Grade, you were so yesterday!!! To me she is still in 7th grade.

Pointe

with one of her BF's in Milwaukee/Wisconsin River Summer 2011

Her and her only sibling. trust me, i wanted her to have a human sibling.

NYE/2011

let me tell you a bit about this girl.

if you met this girl, she would make your day. she always wears a smile.
teachers want her for a student.
she is happy about life, and extremely compassionate. she is accepting, and a friend to all.
that was one of the main things i taught her was to befriend that person sitting alone at the lunch table.
to be kind to every type of person, and she has.
she is polite to a default; repeats thank you's over and over.
she has a heart of gold, and has the capacity to light up a whole room. ask anyone.
she is fun, funny, happy, smart, and pure.
she's a dancer, an actress and a star performer in show choir. she plays the contra alto bass,
and is the class Secretary. "they" say I've earned "bragging rights" but i'll quit while i'm ahead.

Happy Birthday to the girl who has shown me that my heart has the capacity to love painfully {in the way that you love them so much it hurts} and joyfully at the same time more than I ever thought possible. You are only one, but you are more than I could ever have asked for. You have done my heart good.

THANK YOU!

2012-01-12T14:28:00.000-06:00

ok, it happened, i got 100 followers!

and while i appreciate readers and followers both equally,

i still wanted to do something special because of that

special, most appreciative, humbling number 100.

this is no ordinary giveaway, it's unconventional actually.

let me tell you what i'm giving away first, then I will give you the details.

some of you know i am a product junkie, and i've probably, no joke, tried

a hundred, maybe more lips balms.

this.is.my.fave. and i want you to have one!

Choose the one you want here! (and in your comment tell me your choice, there are 4 varieties)

My personal fave is the ROSE'

all you have to do is leave me a comment so i can pick a person/number at random on a cool website that lets you plug in numbers and it picks one of you.

which ever one it picks, that is who my "winner" will be.

for extra funzies, when you leave your comment, tell me what your favorite lip balm is!

i've made so many friends, and met so many wonderfully gracious people through blogging;

God has allowed blogging as an outlet for me until i can work again. i'm super grateful for that, and all of you,

so i kindly say,

thank you.

Resemblance???

2012-01-11T21:15:00.001-06:00

Mr. Furley Nells

I couldn't resist !!!

Slight resemblance?

i think so.

Ever since Nells got his new haircut I've been telling everyone that he looks

like Mr.Furley.

Being the huge Three's Company fan that I was/am, I could never

forget Mr.Furley!

Hahahahahahahaha

Re-vamp Old Scrapbook!

2012-01-11T08:00:00.002-06:00

we've all got one of these old Scrapbook's laying around, don't we?

{i think because i live part time in thrift stores, that maybe that's why i do}

i miss the "old way" of Scrapbooking; saving pieces of paper of all kinds--

from receipts, movie stubs, to Playbills; and then taping them in a good old-fashioned Srapbook.

I have a Madonna Scrapbook, Prince, France/Holland one and a JFK Jr. one from back in the days of saving our memories this way.

I thought I'd share with you a simple way to decorate the cover and backside, (maybe this will get us to get stuff in them)!

Here are all the supplies you will need: Decoupage, scissors, images that have been photo copied (this way it's thin enough to stay down), a sponge brush, and of course, an old scrapbook!

I've been collecting images and pictures that I've loved for years. So I have a box full of clippings; you can use anything from cards you like, stationary, wrapping paper or pictures from magazines.

Cut out each image.

Glue the back of it with the Decoupage

Apply/lay it down where ever you want it! Just start on an edge, it's really easy, make it a non-perfection project!

Ta-Da, my first piece is on!

Gettin busy cutting! My daughter was so lovely to take these pics for me for this post!

Starting to be transformed. . .the little mushroom is not alone anymore!

Oh, I forgot to mention, make sure you untie the gold rope, if yours comes with it, while you are doing your project, and then retie it when it's all dry.

This is the back, which you don't have to do, but if you have the time, it

sort of completes it.

After all the clippings are glued (decoupage) down, go over the whole surface with decoupage; it will look a little thick and shiny like this, that's OK, it will dry nicely. {dries in less than 5 minutes typically} I used about 3 coats

There is no real rule to how you add the decoupage, you can dump it right on top of the scrapbook (maybe half dollar size or more and then spread it), or you can dip your foam brush in the jar of decoupage.

Finished product!

Isn't it sweet and lovely?

I've already added things to it, such as encouraging notes from

my readers/followers at my blog!!!

Other things added so far:

~"We Bought A Zoo" Movie ticket stub

~A program to my daughter's Show Choir performance in LaCrosse Wisconsin

~A card from a friend

~A receipt from Candyland {I love that place}

I really hoped you liked this somewhat fast (took me less than 2 hours), easy craft idea

and hope you will give it a try! Let me know if you do!

A Minute

2012-01-10T12:31:00.002-06:00

. . .is all it takes. . .
to scan a restaurant, your place of employment, your neighborhood, your kids school,
your post office,

your frequented Target,

church,

a coffee shop,

the mall,

and countless other places

to find a face you normally wouldn't

to say "hi".

or give them a smile.

you wouldn't believe what doing those two simple things can do to someones day,

and how it can move them, how it can move you.

not only will it make their day it will make your day.

it actually takes less than a minute.

who will you find today. . .

what unique face will you seek out?

Grace Both Ways

2012-01-09T08:00:00.005-06:00

i am living with a teenager.

i am raising that teenager.

that teenager didn't really act like a "teenager" until

a few months ago.

my teenager will me 17 on Sunday...

(in a few days you better believe i'll be doing a "birthday post" on her, get ready)

how does that happen? she is one year, one year from being

being a legal adult. in just one year many many things are going to be changing; being able to go to rated R movies on her own is not the half of it. HA

i had no idea that was even possible when

i was feeding her a bottle 16 and a half years ago.

so here her and i are, my daughter and i. this is new year's eve. we are smiling and look really happy, right?
{don't get me wrong, we are and were happy this night and have a wonderful healthy relationship, but. . .}

the truth is, new year's eve was a nice break from all the stress, tears and drama between us.

we have a lot of history together. i raised this girl alone until she was 7, and from then on, i've done most of the parenting. my husband and i decided that that was what would work best for our family.

needless to say we are very close, and i've labored extremely hard to bring her up in the most beautiful way possible. and that's a whole other post. soon.

but today i want to talk about how we wouldn't be where we are today if it weren't for grace.

the best way i've ever heard grace described is it's

u n d e s e r v e d k i n d n e s s .

i mean honestly my daughter and i are in the thick of it. we are in "those teenage years." she isn't drinking or having sex, or having mental issues, but they are our issues nonetheless.

and it's far from easy.

everyday we have found ourselves irritable toward one another, angry, frustrated, snapping, rudeness. . .any quality as far from the example of Jesus you can think of as far as tone and response in the day to day.

we have been under this sort of stress for a few months. we butt heads, disagree, and get defensive.

i have felt like i am doing it all wrong as a mother, and she has felt like she's the worst kid on earth. we aren't use to this kind of friction.

we know we don't want to hurt one another like this, and we've agreed that grace, big time, needs to go both ways more than ever right now.

i have never been too proud as a parent to know that i need forgiveness, that i need grace from my child. i am human too and mess up and fall short, and i am desperate for her grace just as much as she is for mine.

grace for us has meant that we realize and accept that we are in a difficult phase, and we aren't use to it, but that we know we love one another and that we will extend the hand of letting "that one" go. . .

we will extend the hand of "I know we don't agree but let's find a compromise or figure this out together."

we will extend the hand of " I didn't understand you, but can we find a new way to communicate?"

and we will extend the hand of it's ok, i understand you are frustrated. . .

we will extend the hand of i understand that there are lots of hormones involved. . .

we will extend the hand of moving on and moving forward and not holding on to all that we've "done wrong"...

we will move forward with extended hands and hold one another in gentleness knowing that we are having growing pains, and that it shall not bind us to bitterness and hatred, and that

we can provide the better choice of grace to one another because God so freely gives it to us, minute by minute.

we will remember in the moments of this last year and a half that we will make the wiser choice out of love to give grace because we both so desperately need it. we will pardon one another because we love one another too much to be angry for too long. because if that happens, when that happens, bitterness and isolation kick in, and we do not want that. we choose grace and say:

"It's ok, I was hurt, it didn't feel good the way you talked to me, or what you did, but let's move on, because I love you and I know we are in a trying time, it's OK I still love you and I forgive you because we all fall short."

we don't want to live in ugliness of the heart. we understand that emotions can take over, and that it's a natural process as she is getting ready to leave the nest. we take into account that this is just a season, and that if we are both under grace, we can start anew, each morning, even if we have to extend grace 100 times in one day, it's better than the alternative, like not speaking to one another for days, or throwing our bad behaviors in one another's face, or name calling, which Satan would love.

we realize that moment by moment, both ways, we need grace. i can not,

for one second

imagine our lives

with

out

right

now.

ever.

we have learned together that grace is not some over-used mundane word that has lost it's meaning. we have learned it's vitality, and it's necessity. we have come to see that it is a beautiful choice, a better alternative and a free act of the will.

we have seen that it's because we choose God, that we choose grace.

we have clung to this word like we can not live without it. it literally makes us new.

simple prayers

2012-01-06T15:26:00.000-06:00

can't go wrong with Anne Lamott now can we?!

have a super fan-tabulous weekend--i couldn't make EMBRACE YOUR FACE FRIDAY happen,

sorry bout that.

See you Monday, I'll be writing about grace.

You'd Be Surprised. . .

2012-01-05T11:17:00.001-06:00

to learn these things about me:

~i lived in san jose for the first 7 years of my life, then moved to minnesota

~i grew up in the city, in a really small house, for a family of 5

~i grew up in an alcoholic family with codependency in our blood

~i had mono when i was 4, and it could have killed me

~Nells is my first dog!

~i prefer Coke over Pepsi any day

~i don't like onions, mushrooms, or olives

~my brother, who is now 41 is a heart transplant survivor, (he got his new heart in 2003)

~two boys set my hair on fire when i was in the 4th grade

~i stopped shopping at thrift stores for a long period b/c i was made fun of

~most days i don't get out of bed until 10am or 11am

~my favorite pair of underwear are $15 (they feel the best around my tummy after so many surgeries!)

~i get stressed out when more than one person is talking to me at a time

~i like vintage pick-up trucks

~i like to drink carbonated water with lime, i love limes!

~i use to be in modeling

~i don't have a college degree

~i would love to be a Foster parent

~i like the smell of my dogs paws

~i love period pieces (as in movies)

~i dislike wooden spoons, like the ones that come with malt cups (ewww)

~i am terrified, terrified of spiders and have passed this on to my daughter

~i like to sit at the dinner table for 10 minutes after kevin and madelynn have gotten up

~i'm terrible at doing laundry

~i'm really good at boggle

well well this list could go on and on! maybe i can do another one sometime,

comment back and tell me what would surprise me about you.

i captured this shot on New Year's Eve; we had the most beautiful snow fall, at just the right time.

Listening, and Thoughts on A Terrace

2012-01-03T12:09:00.001-06:00

listening

in 2011 i learned to listen a lot more.

i am always so consumed with prayer that i don't think i give myself

a break and the time to listen.

once i started listening i started to grow a lot more.

i think we can grow, i know we can grow when we are not in a season of listening too,

like when we are in a season of reading, writing, searching, but when we listen,

we hear things we never would if we weren't listening.

and by listening i mean listening to God and to others more. I just all around

didn't speak as much. I refined my lips so to speak.

in all that listening, here are some growing pains i went through, b/c growth and change usually don't feel good on the soul, and it takes a toll on our mental, emotional, and spiritual state.

1.~ Don't cling too tightly to this world or the things in it. My daughter is at the age or phase right now where she takes everything so seriously. I know it's because she's an over-achiever and she puts her heart into all she does, but it gets to a point where she is gripped so tightly that she is unable to see that it's not that serious or that big of a deal, and that it's ok, it's typically manageable whatever it is.

what is it that i have been clung too tightly to in this world this year:

--trying to get loved a certain way

--my blog and the worries that come with it

--my husband (you heard me right)

--my daughters faith walk

what have you clung too tightly to this year?

you might remember when i posted this post.

a terrace is a building or an outside area that is not enclosed. it has pathways, and walkways.

this is an old old old one in Crete, Greece. it's dated back to the 1600's. I can just see Mr. Darcey making his way through the path, can't you?

i have listened and learned many a things this past year, and it would take all week to write it all out and share (plus you probs wouldn't want to read all of that)!

but the #2~ thing i learned is to let others love me freely.

in all my history with myself, i have never done that. i have tried and manipulated to get people to love me the way i wanted or needed them to. and it never happened. i shouldn't say never, there have been several beyond precious moments that my loved ones and others not as close to me have loved me, don't get me wrong.

but in our own minds, in my mind, we have this way of how we hoped to be loved.

meaning this:
a way we want people to respond

a way we want people to do things around the house

a way we want people to listen

a way we want people to talk to us

a way we want affection or no affection

a way we want someone to word things

a way we want someone to behave

a way we think people should behave

the list goes on quite frankly.

basically we are all looking to be loved. but in that search we come up defeated a lot of the time because we have our own idea on how that love should look. and maybe in some circumstances the way someone is behaving is flat out wrong. and maybe you can't deal with it or live with it.

but if you can, if there are those friendships or relationships that you want in your life,

can you learn to let them love you freely? can we learn together to allow the other person to love you the way they know how?

Henri Nouwen says it best:

This strain placed on relationships- indeed strains of all kinds-seems to proliferate in a time like ours, when people seem especially interested in friendship, companionship, and community. At the very time when books and magazine articles tout solutions to our relational difficulties, more families than ever fracture and scatter. we live amid great dislocation and anguished loneliness. And for all the insights of popularized psychology, all the programs on relationships, all the seminars and conferences on healthy relationships, we still often are not happy. And because of our culture's emphasis on psychology and interpersonal relationships, we import a consumer mentality to our intimacies. We expect more of our friends and partners than they can {or want} to give. A fair amount of our suffering comes from our loneliness, a loneliness intensified by our high needs. The psychologist Thomas Hora compares our culture's emphasis on the interpersonal with the interlocking fingers of two hands. The fingers can intertwine only to the point that a stalemate is reached. Then the only movement possible is backward, causing friction and even pain among the tightly woven fingers.

I suggest another image: two hands resting together, parallel, in a prayerful gesture, pointing beyond themselves and moving freely in relation to one another. Only in this way can a relationship be truly lasting, because only in this way is mutual love experienced, love that participates in the great and prior love to which it points. In this way we become persons to one another in the literal sense of the word's roots: "sounding through" (per means "through" and sonare suggest the idea of sound). So we "sound through" a love greater than ourselves and one that we can pass along but not clutch. We become people who reveal to each other the divine love that embraces us and keeps us together while offering ample space to move freely.

Our needs keep us from acting and loving freely. {thanks henri, you're amazing}

We can move in the freedom to live in expectancy rather than expectation of another.

That means we don't have the outcome planned of how someone might respond or react or behave.

We live in expectancy, letting, allowing them to love us freely in their own way, in their own time,

and wait and see how they will do that.

This doesn't mean we can't speak up for ourselves if we are being treated poorly or disrespected. It just means we lay off the expectations, because a lot of the ways that we want to be loved or shown love, just isn't going to happen. But you will be surprised at how you can be loved when you loosen your grip!

I hope you liked this because there is more to come if you did, well I guess there is more to come even if you didn't! Haha

Leave me a comment and ask away!!!

My Best Friend

2012-01-02T14:35:00.000-06:00

she told me this quote was for me, (and gave me a ornament with it on it)-and it rocked my world and

i had never felt quite so encouraged ever:

"'Twas her thinking of others that made you think of her."

Elizabeth B. Browning

(and she didn't even know I hearted Elizabeth B. Browning,

now that's a best friend)

do you have a best friend like that?

she makes my life so much more lovely than it would

be without her.

Warm Wishes!

2011-12-31T16:49:00.001-06:00

happiest of new year's to all of you.

i don't think i'll be able to express my thankfulness

to all of you from your support in 2011-the start of this humble blog.

but simply say thankyou,

i appreciate

every

single

one

you.

your support, encouragement, comments and thoughtfulness.
and it's important to me that you know this.

i would not blog if it weren't for you.

my favorite part has been the new friends that i have made
and being surprised and overjoyed at new readers/followers.
but making someones day, is indescribable.
or helping someone in some small way,
is extremely humbling.
it's all of you that are the blessing to me.

love to you all, see you in 2012!

Can't Measure

2011-12-30T02:13:00.001-06:00

a picture.

it's worth far more than we could ever express.

the photograph was discovered in the mid 1700's.

and it's been strong and evolving e v e r s i n c e.

there is something about a picture, a photograph that leaves us speechless.

we can have bitter,

sweet,

and

bittersweet memories associated with the photograph,

but either way, it has a profound impact and strongly affects our lives.

to be honest, i miss my Polaroid i had when i was growing up, and long for another one.

and i miss printing out pictures.

running to the developer and giving them my name, and tapping my fingers on the counter while i chewed my gum until the cashier appeared

with my roll of film!

too excited to wait till I got home so i'd open the envelope in the car and start going through them, and instantly take out the ones that didn't "turn out".

gosh, remember the days?

i can't remember the last time i printed a picture out.

photos over the years have become more and more invaluable to me for many reasons,

so today, as we start to approach the new year, i wanted to share my absolute favorites with you!

{this was no easy task, there were just way too many to choose from, but i did my best and i hope you enjoy!}

2 0 1 1

top pics (get it, pics, picks)

this precious girl turned16!!! sweet 16, we embraced you.

{what a roller coaster parenting has been, and when madelynn turned 16, it was so surreal! what a blast we had!}

gettin out this summer for dinner on a roof top downtown minneapolis with madelynn and her friends, then taking a stroll down stone arch bridge. these are the sweetest times.

i am a sucker for animals, and this guy was hangin on the street, so they let me take a pic with him!

i took this shot at the minnesota arboretum, i really am proud of it.

my daughter's prom!

a fresh, fluffy boy all brushed and clean!

i took these shots in our kitchy motel room when we were in Milwaukee this summer,

i really really really adore these two pics.

Milwaukee

the three of us went up to a cabin this summer and we baked cookies one afternoon; for some reason i just love this shot of my daughter!

north shore

north shore cabin

what my house can look like at any given moment, and i love it! a house full of teenagers!

thanks to instagram and all the other cool photo programs i have become a much better picture taker this year! i am forever indebted to you instagram! you hear me!? without you i am lost!

the one above and the next two were taken at a nature preserve.

after school snap shots are my fave.

my girlfriends tree

nells doing what he does best, being cute and peculiar

a distant cousins commune that we visited this summer

fall photo shoot (by ourselves, camera was timed!)

this year i really pushed myself physically. mid 2011 my doctors said i could try to pick up my pace a bit, so i did. i over did it i think, and have quite a few injuries now due to it,

but i am proud of myself for going all the places i did! it did make me stronger!

i got out more in 2011 than i have since 2006.

here i am in chicago in the "bean" and eating a cupcake from a cupcake van on the street!

i also studied more and more about birds, and am an avid bird watcher. i took lots and lots of pictures of birds this year. i saw my first ever eastern bluebird, female cardinal, starlings, and juncos! here is my bluebird!

nells and i were home halloween night alone, and it was so nice and cozy. i snapped this pic right outside the front door, i just love it. can you see why?

he got really excited for the trick or treaters.

my ten year wedding anniversary!

here we are at The Acropolis above

and in Crete below

and of course, last but not least, santorini island in greece.

it's a challenge to share a year in pictures, but even more of a challenge to share my year without pictures.

meaning, all i learned when i wasn't in front of the camera, which is obviously 98% of the time.

that's where my life really happens, but i am glad i am one to be intentional about taking pictures.

i won't look back one day and regret that i should have taken more. b/c for several years there is a block of no pictures. i didn't take any pictures for most of my life.

i had a lot of catching up to do.

i'm so thankful that pictures can help us document our lives and help us to share our beautiful stories.

maybe soon i can get cohesive enough to post about all i learned in 2011 without pictures.

ok, ~~maybe~~ one or two.

Post Christmas Post

2011-12-28T00:53:00.000-06:00

i loved loved loved my christmas dress.

i bought it about 13 years ago for an agency xmas party.

(i worked in advertising for 5 years, lots to learn about me, huh?)

i'm so glad i dug it out. i hadn't worn it since.

it's a 1968 beauty, and i had a ball wearing it.

christmas this year wasn't as pretty as my dress though, i have to report.
my daughter was really sick for about 4 days (throwing up for 2) and did not see the light of day until monday.
(i take that back, she did open gifts)
it was hard having christmas without her. it just wasn't the same. i tried to
stay really positive though, and focus on the other good that was happening:
an amazing church service and music, (going alone was not easy), a surprise engagement in the family,
good chicken wings at my mom's made by my sister-in law:

Y U M.
we played the dice game, you know, like we do at Bridal Showers. . .yes my Mom and her sisters were genius when they came up with that idea.
you can't go wrong in the presence of family.

my sister to the left, and my sister-in-law on the right

me and one of my nieces, sophia

my other darling niece, emily. . . AND

the santa i grew up with has now resided in my mom's bathroom
and he's a bit freaky!

madelynn and my husband came out christmas eve for an hour to open gifts; she had the seat in the
car pushed all the way back and the back all the way down. (poor thing)
here she is with my mom, her grammy.

Awww, what a trooper.

i loved the little bird in a nest my mom gave to me!

the etsy shop owner gave my mom the extra material when my mom also bought
me these to die for waffle kitchen towels with vintage fabric!

and darling little crocheted hot pads, but I hung them up on my wall for decor. oooh SO cute!

and the coziest chenille blanket from my sister-in-law, i have not parted from it since i got it!

c h r i s t m a s m o r n

my husband liked the scarf i picked out for him, yay! he's a picky one.

i received many wonderful gifts. i needed fiesta ware, so my husband and his parents

fulfilled that need! welcome marigold! i love you!

madelynn gave me these gorgeous vintage tins (plates); i think i'll use them in my
bedroom for jewelry.

and my husband found me this rembrandt, and i am in love!

after we opened gifts, madelynn went back to bed and didn't re-surface until 7:15p that night!
so christmas day involved a lot of lounging. i made chicken wild rice soup, one of our favorites.
it was around 42 degrees here in Minnesota, typically it is below zero.
so that was a big treat.
we went for a walk, and the sun was shining!

christmas night we played carcassonne which the 3 of us love
and then we watched THE NATIVITY STORY, which we love.
it was a beautiful christmas in many ways, maybe not the ways i would have chosen,
but i chose to find the beauty in it, there is no way christmas can't be beautiful,
when it involves a manger baby.

nells getting quite comfortable in my new blanket

i did spend about 30-40 minutes alone in my room reflecting the birth story,
it was good quiet time, and important for me to do.
i'm thankful for everything, even if things aren't the way i'd choose.
the birth story reminds us that regardless of our less than ideal situations,
that there is a lot to work with and we can be grateful.

linking up:

2011-12-24T01:47:00.002-06:00

Bethlehem

2011-12-23T12:33:00.002-06:00

i have a pretty traumatic birth story. and it still couldn't compare to mary's.
i was 20 years old, and it was 4:30am. my baby daddy was still drunk from the night before
after i begged him not to drink a ounce b/c i knew i was in labor the morning of that day before after i woke up.
my mom was out of town, my bff was no where to be found, and my sister was telling me it probably isn't time. but i had to go. i had to move. you know that feeling if you've been in labor.

i had to be the driver. yep. i drove myself to the hospital in labor.
as i pulled out, i felt and heard someone pound on my car.
i slammed on my breaks, and got out of the car, and someone yelled,
"What do you think you are doing, you almost hit me B_____!"
then my baby daddy runs over to the guy and starts pouncing on him and they
proceed to get in a brawl, while me and the guys girlfriend were screaming stop,
"I'm in labor!" "She's in labor can't you see, stop!"
as i am literally bent over in the worst possible pain of my life.

we drove away with my baby daddy having a black eye, and scratches all over his face.
down the interstate i go 80-90 while the contractions let up.
i drop it to about 25-30mph while the contractions come on.
it was a 40 minute drive.
when we arrive at the hospital, (not my perfectly picked out "birth place"),
they tend to my baby daddy's messed up face!
i stood there seriously like, "This has got to be a joke!"

i finally made it to my room and my baby daddy passed out for the remainder of my birth experience. which was a good thing.
my mom arrived with 20 minutes to spare thank goodness,
my dad was there talking about how cold it was outside, (January 15),
and my sister was by my side.

but all this mess could never compare to mary's experience while in labor.
i can't imagine being on a donkey,

about to deliver, being in pain, fatigued, beyond frustrated, hot, sticky, and climbing all those hills and how exhausted she must have been.
not the most perfect of circumstances.

think of how frustrated we get when one of our plans is thwarted, i mean they made several

stops and she still wasn't able to get off that donkey!

it's told that it was really a cold night the night He was born. but i've learned differently. i've learned

that the month probably wasn't even december, and i've learned that it was

probably actually really hot.

again, how uncomfortable.

everyone tends to think of Jesus coming into the world like they do christians.

all neat, and perfectly put together, and pretty; serene. picture perfect.squeaky clean.

i can tell you for a fact that is not how Jesus came into the world and i can tell you for

fact that is not how christians are. in fact if more christians embraced their brokenness,

and their messy, dirty lives, maybe more people would believe in Jesus?

following Jesus isn't about following rules to make us perfect and without flaw.

it's about seeking God in every moment and having intimacy with Him through

prayer, worship, community, service, reading, writing, song.

we will never be without flaw, but if we are seeking closeness with our

Savior, we have all we need. we just have to ask ourselves-

"what does that closeness

look like?"

"what does intimacy mean?"

"how do i embrace my brokenness because of this broken world?"

"what does love look like?"

Because HE defines love. The birth and death define love.

He came to make it right, and wants us in HIS life. He has shown us a better way to live on earth.

That's pretty amazing and cool and every adjective you can think of similar!

and now for a fun one:

seriously, LOL

and lastly,

i adore

vintage post cards!

Merriest of Christmas' to all of you!

Thank you for reading and following along with me

over the last few months!

See you soon!

Randoms

2011-12-22T09:00:00.006-06:00

this picture was taken at LaGrolla Italian Restaurant on Monday evening. It was a little

holiday fun with my aunts, mom, sister, sister in law and cousin. it was a lovely evening of

good food,

pretty decor,

fun conversation,

and receiving a homemade gift.

my post today is going to be a bit random, a mixture of sorts from a few updates

to a few happenings,

to a few links.

i've had a pretty rough week health wise, and after treatment today it's

hard to believe i am able to get a post out.

i won't get into details b/c i don't like drawing attention.

i am also going through some tough times with my daughter too. she isn't in

any trouble or danger or anything like that and she's actually doing really well, it's just emotional stuff,

and relational stuff, and it can be overwhelming at times. i think

i am in the thick of "those teenage years" with her, that's all.

. . . moving onto to something completely different. . . .

usually when i take the freeway exit for treatment, there is a homeless guy on the corner.

usually i stop and get a bagel before treatment, and i'll get a few extra ones for him.

but today, i wasn't thinking and i just got one for me, and i was almost done with it

right as i was driving by, (i was stopped at the corner). i rolled my window down

and yelled, "I don't have a one today, and I don't have any cash on me."

(with a half smile on my face)

and then it hit me.

he had this mortified look on his face.

and i thought to myself as i drove away. . .

he probably thought i was yelling something else at him.

he probably thought i was yelling at him in a negative, or

bad manner.

he probably gets yelled at rudely continually,

so it would only be natural for him to think i was being cruel.

and here i was just explaining myself to him b/c

i felt bad i didn't provide something for him today.

i felt bad, i really wished i hadn't yelled anything out the window.

i've let it go now, but as i think of the look on his face, i am filled with sadness.

and then in typical gina fashion, i started to think about living with intention. and how important

it is that i am living that way every single day. b/c regardless if it cramps my style or

if i am "put out" or uncomfortable, or my social status or culture is different than someone else's,

i remember that we were all created equal by God, and it doesn't matter if i love them or like them, or if I feel like taking the time to be intentional with people that might irritate or bring me to an irritable place, b/c God loves them, and His love covers all my thoughts and feelings toward others. i can see them through the eyes of God.

and second to lastly, there is a really cool last minute christmas gift/craft that we

can all make if you are in need of an idea, and it's something simple and darling!

i found it through Hailey over at Coastal Heart, County Soul, and the craft can be found in detail, here.

i am hoping to do this fabric ornament that i talked about tonight with my daughter, along with

finally baking a few christmas cookies if i feel up to it!

i have most of my wrapping done, but now i just have to do a little grocery shopping for the weekend.

i hope you are all having a good week, and preparing for your feast, family, friends and Jesus' birth.

and now, my last bit of random--my husband downloaded a new app on his iphone 4. it's a lego app where you can take a photo that you have an make it into a lego looking photo, and here is mine:

pretty cool, huh?!

Quotes

2011-12-20T00:31:00.000-06:00

i've always been a quote lovin kind of gal,

so today for "We Encourage" Tuesday,

I thought I'd do a post on some, I repeat, some of my favorites.

i would need to continue to do quote posts forever to fulfill

my favorites and my love for them.

if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you'll quickly learn that i adore, ah-dore

this man, henri nouwen. he was smart, had a good sense of humor, and loved God like no one I've ever come across. and he's changed my life perspective. (he inspired my "Beloved" tattoo)

i've read several of his books, watch his sermons and am a part of the henri nouwen society.

“As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to putting people and things in their "right" place.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

“You don't think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

“Becoming the beloved is pulling the truth revealed to me from above down into the ordinariness of what I am, in fact, thinking of, talking about and doing from hour to hour.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

another great writer, author and speaker i love is C.S. Lewis. if you've never seen the movie Shadowlands, i highly recommend it, it's about a piece of his life.

i've read a few of his books too. i like this picture of him b/c he's smiling, and he didn't do that a lot.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

― C.S. Lewis

“We read to know that we are not alone.”
― C.S. Lewis

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C.S. Lewis

“God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing.”
― C.S. Lewis

everyone loves them some mother theresa!

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

― Mother Teresa

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

― Mother Teresa

i ~~almost~~ feel like thomas merton is a good friend of mine (henri too)

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.” Thomas Merton

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” Thomas Merton

"Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.

It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and pray to my God in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble." Thomas Merton

m i s c e l l a n y

Sometimes I want to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world,

but I'm afraid He may ask me the same question. Unknown

“Thank God for the things that I do not own.” St.Teresa of Avila
(i need a respirator for this one)

“For prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God.” St.Teresa of Avila

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.” Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

"If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me."W.H. Auden

"A ton of head, ain't worth a ounce of heart."

"Walk through life without sharp edges."

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness

and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

but make not a bond of love:

let it rather be a moving sea

between the shores of your souls." Gibran

"What I wanted was to be loved for who I am, for who I was,

and for who I will be. I had to step into the heart of God to recieve that."

~~Normandi Ellis ~~

"What you seek is seeking you." Rumi

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -- Helen Keller

"love your enemies." Jesus

On Pointe

2011-12-19T00:36:00.000-06:00

this girl has grace.

she was so beautiful this weekend in The Nutcracker

that it was my proudest moment(performance wise)as a mother.

she blew us all away. my hands were over my mouth and salty tears filled my cheeks.

not only is she graceful, she's got class.

her movement on stage is so precise that i think she could quit all

of her other 9 other activities and study ballet.

but it's not her passion.

but she has a gift.

i snuck behind stage to see her off and wish her well,

and to grab a picture together!

she has been dancing since she was 3, and ballet has secretly or not so secretly (haha) been my fave.

i don't know what it is about ballet, do you?
i adore it so much. at first i thought it was just the costumes, but it's so much more than that; their technique, their movement, the music, the romance, the gracefulness.
i am captivated by it.

and then when my daughter started to study on Pointe, i about lost it in happiness and excitement!

but it's not her passion as i said before. so she won't be taking it beyond after she graduates next year. and i'm ok with that.

it's what she wants, not what i dream of. i support her choices, and commend her for taking it this far.

i know i know, i didn't get the tip of the pointe (wow)

this girl's got a lot more than grace on stage.

she's got grace off the stage too, and compassion, and a loving heart, and a zest and zeal for life like no other.

this girl can not only dance her butt off, but she's involved in a handful of other things. she's a leader at church, a class officer, an actress, singer, and mentor.

she's got all the activities on a resume and experience and grades that any one college could dream of, but

she's got something more than any of that.

she knows she's a Kings kid. she loves God.

she loves others. she cares deeply.

she's pure and good.

and she's got a heart of gold.

not to mention she's fun.

{here are some not so great pictures i took during the performance and on top of the fact that i'm an awful photographer, i also didn't take that many b/c i didn't want to miss out on her!} i think you'll still enjoy these

my girl (madelynn, is the one with the older girl with the crown)

on the right with the olive skin

it was one of the greatest moments as a mother to date. i honestly wish i could find the words to express what it was like.

grandparents are always so supportive!

i think maybe lovely, yes, it's life made lovely.