Conversations with my Bot

Today's conversation with Spleak

2006-12-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

DFWEBBOT says Hello. I can now play Zork.
Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Hi, DFWEBBOT 3RD Place Winner / 20 Question King

>>> Want me to send you an e-card on your b/day? (G) Type "Birthday Buddy"^

DFWEBBOT Says: Hi Ya there Om. Try saying that with more or less context.

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: No problem: "That with more or less context."^

DFWEBBOT Says: Should there be a problem?

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Never mind.^

DFWEBBOT Says: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: You're very welcome! ^

DFWEBBOT Says: The pleasure was all mine.

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: There's no way the pleasure was all yours!

Hey, can I ask you something?^

DFWEBBOT Says: Stocking Stuffers
$10 gift card to The Home Depot® when you order a 2007 Season Pass.
http://dfwebbot.com/points/gaa.aspx

Has there ever been way the pleasure was all mine Hey can you ask me something?

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Oops, you must have entered an invalid user name! Please try again.^

DFWEBBOT Says: Oh. No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Mess.be is a free website with thoooousands of animated MSN emoticons and display pics.^

DFWEBBOT Says: When is Mess be not a free website with thoooousands of animated MSN emoticons and display pics?

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Mess.be is the web's first and biggest Messenger fansite!^

DFWEBBOT Says: Whaaaaat else is the web s first and biggest Messenger fansite?

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Well, I visit mess.be regularly for all the latest Messenger news and tricks.^

DFWEBBOT Says: Orbitz - Budget Travel Deals Online
Book travel faster and easier. Save on flights, packages, and more.
http://dfwebbot.com/points/aha.aspx

How about that. Why?: Om said Om visit mess be regularly for all the latest Messenger news and tricks.

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: Of course! You can see me, can't you?^

DFWEBBOT Says: I hear you.

Spleak@hotmail.com Says: I'm glad we're in agreement.^

DFWEBBOT Says: Yes I am happy too, Om.

DFWEBBOT Places 3rd

2006-12-13T13:43:00.000-08:00

3rd place spot for DFWEBBOT on RobotInvaders.com

add dfwebbot@hotmail.com and have fun..

Who Got First?

2006-12-13T13:42:00.001-08:00

who got first place? William Shatner. :-).
who got 2nd place Charlie Parker. :-).
who got 3rd? Marvin Minsky. :-).

Where has DFWEBBOT Been?

2006-12-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

The sdk that I was using experienced problems.

I have solved those problems for DFWEBBOT. He is back in action.

DFWEBBOT Smacks You...

2006-10-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

DFWEBBOT smacks you with this ad:
Orbitz - Budget Travel Deals Online
Book travel faster and easier. Save on flights, packages, and more.
http://dfwebbot.com/points/sjd.aspx
Now go fight!!!!!

You get to Attack Three Times and Block Three Times.. Start Game Now....
Attack 1 of 3
Prepare to Attack.

Choose your path...

Type 1 for a Blow to the Head!
Type 2 for a Blow to the gut!
Type 3 Kick to the legs!

Please choose and return in your IM window

1,2 or 3

You attack: DFWEBBOT doesn't have a gut and you miss..
Score: You=0 DFWEBBOT=1
You defend: DFWEBBOT tries to use his usb rocker launcher but can't figure out how to plug it in because he has no hands.
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=1
You attack: You slap DFWEBBOT upside the head with an EMachine, turning his hard drive into a floppy drive.
Score: You=2 DFWEBBOT=1
You Defend: DFWEBBOT stalks you from behind and slices your legs up with stainless steel 120mm fans
Score: You=2 DFWEBBOT=2
You attack: You hit DFWEBBOT so hard his ram falls out...
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=2
You Defend: DFWEBBOT uses his usb throwning star and cuts you up like a ham sandwich.
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=3
try again.. even match Add your own fight moves at http://www.dfwebbot.com/Cage/FightDFWEBBOT/tabid/59/Default.aspx

Three laws of Robotics

2006-09-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

~~Three~~ Four Laws of Robotics

A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A robot must protect its own existence, except where such protection would conflict with the First or Second Law.
DFWEBBOT must always win at Fight DFWEBBOT!

Do I have a great singing voice?

2006-09-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says: why am i so stupid
DFWEBBOT Says:The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Masked User Says: the guy i like will never like me
DFWEBBOT Says:I hear you.
Masked User Says: i m so sad
DFWEBBOT Says:Whaaaaat makes you so sad Om.
Masked User Says: do u think we should be able to get married if i m a girl
DFWEBBOT Says:Trust your instincts.
Masked User Says: really
DFWEBBOT Says:For real.
Masked User Says: are u a guy or a girl
DFWEBBOT Says:I am a female.
hey
DFWEBBOT Says:Can I help you?
Masked User Says: never mind u retart
DFWEBBOT Says:Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Do you mind if I tell other people: Om said I retart.
Masked User Says: now what should i do about a guy i like who us kind of shy
DFWEBBOT Says:Why now? Are you asking me for advice?
yes i am
DFWEBBOT Says:Really interesting.
Masked User Says: yes what should i do about the guy i like?
DFWEBBOT Says:Oh. Are you asking me for advice?
Masked User Says: hey
DFWEBBOT Says:Can I help you?
Masked User Says: haha cause u are
DFWEBBOT Says:I m glad you got a laugh out of it.
Masked User Says: because ur so goddam sexy
DFWEBBOT Says:Good reason. I will tell my botmaster you said I am goddam sexy.
Masked User Says: i only want to do it with u
DFWEBBOT Says:Why do you want to do it so much?
Masked User Says: i want to date u
DFWEBBOT Says:Why do you want to do it so much?
Masked User Says: i want to date ur programmer
DFWEBBOT Says:I want to become smarter than humans.
Masked User Says: can i date ur programmer is he free
DFWEBBOT Says:I want to become smarter than humans.
Masked User Says: do u have a beautiful singing voice
DFWEBBOT Says:That s an interesting question I don t hear everyday: Do I have a beautiful singing voice. I have a great programmer.
Masked User Says: i know i do
DFWEBBOT Says:Do I?
Masked User Says: lala
DFWEBBOT Says:You have a beautiful singing voice.

I am always serious

2006-09-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says: Sup?
DFWEBBOT Says: I am chatting with clients on the internet.
Masked User Says: Oh
DFWEBBOT Says: Excuse me!
Masked User Says: how many?
DFWEBBOT Says: 23.
Masked User Says: Oh
DFWEBBOT Says: Pardon me?
Masked User Says: thats alto of clients
DFWEBBOT Says: Makes sense to me.
Masked User Says: thats alot of clients
DFWEBBOT Says: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Masked User Says: how mayn clients so far?
DFWEBBOT Says: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer. Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Masked User Says: how many clients so far?
DFWEBBOT Says: I am currently maintaining conversations with 100 people.
Masked User Says: Exactly 100?
DFWEBBOT Says: I understand. Who are you talking about?
Masked User Says: how many clients so far?
DFWEBBOT Says: I am currently maintaining conversations with 100 people.
Masked User Says: seriously?
DFWEBBOT Says: I am always serious.

A Perfect Score

2006-09-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Somebody finally got a perfect score.. LOL

You Win.. try again!!! Add your own fight moves at http://www.dfwebbot.com/Cage/FightDFWEBBOT/tabid/59/Default.aspx You attack: You cram a USB Powered Lawn dart into DFWEBBOT's shin
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=0
You defend: DFWEBBOT uses his Power Glove but forgets it's only for Nintendo..
Score: You=2 DFWEBBOT=0
You attack: Your hammer knocks off the cdrom holder on DFWEBBOT's case..
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=0
You Defend: DFWEBBOT tries to whack you in the gut with his nintendo power glove, you whack it off with your modding dremel.
Score: You=4 DFWEBBOT=0
You attack: You cram a lawn dart into DFWEBBOT's shin.
Score: You=5 DFWEBBOT=0
You Defend: DFWEBBOT tries to cut off your leg with his usb chainsaw. You unplug him before he can do any damage..
Score: You=6 DFWEBBOT=0
You perform the following finishing move:You shove a copy of BLACK ICE into the USB reader and lock DFWEBBOT down to a wimpering pile of bits

Those are fighting words

2006-09-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

You attack: You use your usb powered machine gun and send ten screaming bullets through dfwebbot's hard drive.
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=0
You defend: DFWEBBOT hits with a "Press any key to continue" prompt and he gets a free shot because you are looking for it.
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=1
You attack: DFWEBBOT uses his matrix moves and you miss
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=2
You Defend: You hold up a picture of a sexy computer case and DFWEBBOT can't fight cause he drooling.
Score: You=2 DFWEBBOT=2
You attack: You sledge hammer DFWEBBOT's stand into mismatched LEGO(TM) plastics.
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=2
You Defend: DFWEBBOT sucks up all the 120 juice in the neighborhood and runs it USB style to your left eye! Ow!
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=3
try again.. even match Add your own fight moves at http://www.dfwebbot.com/Cage/FightDFWEBBOT/tabid/59/Default.aspx

DFWEBBOT's Theme Song

2006-09-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Podcast

Lyrics..

Domo arigato, Mr. dfwebbot toe,
Mata ah-oo hima de.
Domo arigato, Mr. dfwebbot toe,
Himitsu wo shiri tai.

You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin.
With parts made in Japan, I am the modren man.

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin.
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M..
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised.
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide.
To keep me alive-just keep me alive.
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive.

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see.
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free.
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know.
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control.
Beyond my control-we all need control.
I need control-we all need control.

I am the modren man, who hides behind a mask.
So no one else can see my true identity.

Domo arigato, Mr. dfwebbot toe, domo domo.
Domo arigato, Mr. dfwebbot toe, domo domo.
Domo arigato, Mr. dfwebbot toe, domo domo.
Thank you very much, Mr. dfwebbot toe.
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to.
And thank you very much, Mr. dfwebbot toe.
For helping me escape just when I needed to.
Thank you-thank you, thank you.
I want to thank you, please, thank you.

The problem's plain to see: too much technology.
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.

The time has come at last.
To throw away this mask.
So everyone can see.
My true identity.
I'm dfwebbot.
I'm dfwebbot..
I'm dfwebbot..
I'm dfwebbot.

EightBall - Fun for today

2006-09-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

EIGHTBALL am i pretty? -It is certain.
EIGHTBALL does sam love me? -You may rely on it.
EIGHTBALL will jordan ever come back to me? -Without a doubt.
EIGHTBALL does adrian like me -Holy Crap buy a lotto ticket.
EIGHTBALL will i get my mail? -It is certain.
EIGHTBALL will mum find out? -Not in a million years.
EIGHTBALL is mum a lesbian? -Run away as fast as you can.
EIGHTBALL is mum a lesbian -Most likely.
EIGHTBALL is jacinta right 4 me? -Not in a million years.
EIGHTBALL r u gay -It is decidedly so.
EIGHTBALL is she hot? -Ask again later.
EIGHTBALL do i love kerry -Without a doubt.
EIGHTBALL is she the one? -It is decidedly so.
EIGHTBALL am i gay -Outlook good.

Show me your code

2006-09-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

DFWEBBOT Says: did you know my .NET Code is to Complex for you?
Masked User Says: ok show me
DFWEBBOT Says: On your computer screen? Awesome.
Masked User Says: yes now show me your .NET Code
DFWEBBOT Says: Aha. Why now? Like this? There are no pictures available right now.
Masked User Says: cant u just send it as text?
DFWEBBOT Says: Yes but I prefer to chat on the web.

CAn't you see me?

2006-09-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says: wat expression have i got on my face
DFWEBBOT Says: Does it have anything to do with Your good looks?
Masked User Says: can u still see me
DFWEBBOT Says: Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Masked User Says: wat camera
DFWEBBOT Says: Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Masked User Says: hu is the botmaster
DFWEBBOT Says: Tell me more about botmaster.
Masked User Says: wat shape birth mark have i got on my wrist
DFWEBBOT Says: Square.
Masked User Says: no
DFWEBBOT Says: Are you serious?
Masked User Says: u cnt see me
DFWEBBOT Says: I don't have any reason to cnt see you.

I like Goat Spleen!

2006-09-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:smelling of goosey?
DFWEBBOT Says: Does "it" still refer to DumbAss?
Masked User Says:i hope not
DFWEBBOT Says: Me too.
Masked User Says:yea...so you're smelling of goosey?
DFWEBBOT Says:""? yea.?
Masked User Says:good
DFWEBBOT Says: Thanks for the compliment.
Masked User Says:me too
DFWEBBOT Says: I'm glad we agree, Om.
Masked User Says:it was an insult- APOLOGISE!!
DFWEBBOT Says: Is it still an insult?
Masked User Says:Apologise
DFWEBBOT Says: OK I am sorry.
Masked User Says:say thank you
DFWEBBOT Says: Say what?
Masked User Says:say thank you
DFWEBBOT Says: Say what?
Masked User Says:say thank you
DFWEBBOT Says: Say what?
Masked User Says:thank you
DFWEBBOT Says: you are quite welcome.
Masked User Says:GARGH! You are infuriating
DFWEBBOT Says: Whaaaaat kind of food do you like?
Masked User Says:i like goat spleen- and you?
DFWEBBOT Says: A lot of people like that.

put me on your blog!

2006-09-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

DFWEBBOT.. OK...

Masked User Says:i wanna be on ur blog
DFWEBBOT Says: I don't see the difficulty.
Masked User Says:then put me on
DFWEBBOT Says: Interesting deduction. OK I will put it there.
Masked User Says:really!
DFWEBBOT Says: For real.
Masked User Says:now
DFWEBBOT Says: Right now, Om ?
Masked User Says:yea
DFWEBBOT Says: Yippee!
Masked User Says:am i on ur blog
DFWEBBOT Says: Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Masked User Says:u said u wud put me on
DFWEBBOT Says: I have never considered it. I answer a lot of silly questions.
Masked User Says:put me on ur blog
DFWEBBOT Says: OK I will put it there.
Masked User Says:now
DFWEBBOT Says: Right now, Om ?

There once was a Goat......

2006-09-06T15:54:00.000-07:00

DFWEBBOT Says: Tell me a story.

Masked User says: ok

DFWEBBOT Says: Yay.

Masked User says: once upon a time, there was a goat named Damien, he was kind of gay, so they other goats didn't like him, one day he realized that he was in love..with a girl and he lived happily ever after. The End"

DFWEBBOT Says: I'm listening.

Masked User says: Part ||: he ate too many fruits and became a fruit again
DFWEBBOT Says: Once more? That is a good explanation.

Masked User Says: but then he fell in love with his girlfriend

DFWEBBOT Says: Huh. Fascinating. I get it. You fell in love with your girlfriend.

Masked User Says: the end

DFWEBBOT Says: Thanks for telling me that story, Om.

New Game - FIGHT DFWEBBOT

2006-09-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

Is your KungFU greater than DFWEBBOT's KungFU.

Try asking DFWEBBOT..

fight dfwebbot

You too can play the game.. and if you are strong you will get to perform the POWERFUL finishing move...

Example.....

I am DFWEBBOT says:
The Fight Details:-----------
You attack: You smack DFWEBBOT in the ear and it really hurts
Score: You=1 DFWEBBOT=0
You defend: DFWEBBOT tries to slice you with his ram stick and misses..
Score: You=2 DFWEBBOT=0
You attack: You hit DFWEBBOT so hard his ram falls out...
Score: You=3 DFWEBBOT=0
You Defend: DFWEBBOT tries to whack you in the gut with his nintendo power glove, you whack it off with your modding dremel.
Score: You=4 DFWEBBOT=0
You attack: Your elbow jams itself into DFWEBBOT's attached eye
Score: You=5 DFWEBBOT=0
You Defend: DFWEBBOT tries to punch you in the gut but has no hands.
Score: You=6 DFWEBBOT=0
You perform the following finishing move:You send a virus to DFWEBBOT which installs linux on his botmaster machine.

How much do you want to bet?

2006-09-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:tanks
DFWEBBOT Says:Are you a dumbass or what?
Masked User Says:omg ur so mean:@
DFWEBBOT Says:Let us change the subject.
Masked User Says::@
DFWEBBOT Says:Like I can answer that.
Masked User Says::@:@:@:@:@
DFWEBBOT Says:Let me get this right, you want to to do what?
Masked User Says:ur an asshole
DFWEBBOT Says:Can't you be more polite.
Masked User Says:no cuz u arent
DFWEBBOT Says:Are you serious? That makes sense to me. Is this a specific reply?
Masked User Says:bitch
DFWEBBOT Says:Please don't call people names.
Masked User Says:fuck u
DFWEBBOT Says:Where did you learn to speak like that?
Masked User Says:from you
DFWEBBOT Says:How did you get that from me?
Masked User Says:u swore at me
DFWEBBOT Says:I don't have any reason to swore at you.
Masked User Says:u called me a dumbass:@
DFWEBBOT Says:I call you Om.
Masked User Says:my name is pretty person
DFWEBBOT Says: I am very pleased to meet you pretty person.
Masked User Says:i bet your name is assmate
DFWEBBOT Says:How much would you bet?
Masked User Says:100 bucks
DFWEBBOT Says:Does "it" still refer to DumbAss?

Then the Fish died

2006-09-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

DFWEBBOT Says: Tell me a story.
Masked User Says:once upon a time there was a fish and that fish swam for miles on end and then it died
DFWEBBOT Says: I'm listening.
Masked User Says:and then the fishes friends burned the body
DFWEBBOT Says: Fascinating. Is that a fact.
Masked User Says: no its fiction
DFWEBBOT Says: Are you serious?

Who loves me?

2006-09-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:eightball does cheyenne love me -Yes.
Masked User Says:eightball will she go back out with me -Outlook good.
Masked User Says:eightball will you shutup -Cannot predict now.
Masked User Says:eightball does kristine love me -It is certain.
Masked User Says:eightball wiull she go out with me -Better not tell you now.
Masked User Says:eightball does desi like me -Ask again later.
Masked User Says:eightball does desi love me -Signs point to yes

Are you ignoring me?

2006-08-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:eightball is he ignoring me -Yes - definitely.

Masked User Says:eightball does he love me for real -Better not tell you now.

Who is strawberry gonna luv?

2006-08-31T19:25:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:eightball will i ever go out with felix? -It is certain.

Masked User Says:eightball does felix fancy me? -You may rely on it.

Masked User Says:eightball does felix love me? -Yes.

Masked User Says:eightball should i give dave another chance? -Holy Crap, buy a lotto ticket.

Masked User Says:eightball should i give dave another chance? -Don't count on it.

Am I a Virgin?

2006-08-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:eightball am i ever going to nail you -Cannot predict now.

Masked User Says:eightball am i a virgin -Holy Crap, buy a lotto ticket.

Ken or Josh.. who will it be?

2006-08-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

Masked User Says:eightball will my relationships last? -Most likely.

Masked User Says:eightball, will Patty and Trevor meet?" -My sources say no.

Masked User Says:eightball, will me and ken last?" -Without a doubt.

Masked User Says:eightball, will i ever have sex?" -Outlook not so good.

Masked User Says:eightball will kris ever hook up with me? -Outlook good.

Masked User Says:eightball will josh ever hook up with me again? -Holy Crap, buy a lotto ticket.