+mOoOooon+ | Cook the Moon | funny blog | news rants sarcasm blogging

St Patrick's Day Curse?

2011-03-12T22:13:00.001-08:00

Can everyone be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? I say, Hellll Yesss!!! However, it's a bullshit holiday with only one agenda, sell booze and green plastic. For years I have relied on the "IRA Carbomb" to deliver the goods. I have perfected Irish stew, and Sheppards Pie, yet this year I may be in jeoperdy of missing the festivities. One, I am a Dad with a preganant wife, and a 1 year old. Two, I am traveling to D.C. to woo a client. Hmm, what to do. Should I hammer down with a client, will they care to? Should I let this year go? Should I ramp up for next year? Man o Man, I never thought the day would come where St P's day would be inconvenient.

Fuck! and Thanks!

Naked Baby Jesus - It's Christmas Time

2010-12-21T19:23:00.000-08:00

Hi dong seekers. The holiday season and a fresh bottle of booze keeps me warm inside. I must admit, having been raised semi-Christian with regular church attendance I am prone to say "Merry Christmas." I do however, question it's meaning in today's world. Whether you say "Happy Holidays," "Happy Quanza," or "Happy Blow it out your Ass," it doesn't really matter.

Tis the season is about commerce. It's not about giving, or being kind to your fellow man. It's about cracking open that safe you call a wallet and buying shit you certainly don't need.

So, the next time you hear someone debating which P.C. phrase is correct, tell them to fuck off and that baby jesus was naked.

Christmas Gifts for Websites, What??!

2009-12-23T11:11:00.000-08:00

You can thank the fine people at icrossing for this tid bit of holiday joy (that is if you are a website).

All too often we neglect the technology in our lives around the holiday season. Heck, even the family pet gets a gift under the tree. Have you ever considered buying your television a new care kit, or having your toaster professionally detailed? If not, maybe now is the time. I believe that this article presents a shift in the times. The Great Finds post is about SEO best practices for holiday content, but I think its safe to say that this is the start of something much larger, rewarding the technology in your life for all of its hard work? Hahahaah, maybe.

Wind Turbine DIY tips

2009-05-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

Wind Farm Energy Video

Since your purpose in tapping wind power is to save on cost, perhaps it is also logical to assume that you do not want to spend too much on your wind turbines to start harnessing residential wind power. Due to this, there are steps below that will help you make your own wind turbines out of wood. Even if you are not a certified carpenter, this do-it-yourself guideline is very easy to follow. All you need are the right tools.

First off, you need to pick wood for your residential wind power turbines. Perhaps the ideal size is one meter in length. Pine is a great option for wind turbines. You will need three pieces of this wood which we will call blades from here on. With a pencil, divide the wood into five equal sections. One end should be marked as the tip and the other end should be marked as the base. One side should be marked as the front and the other one should be the back.

Halfway at the tip, mark it down to the bottom of the fourth division before the base. This will give you a diagonal line. Cut it and it should give you shape that looks like a saw. Next, lay it down in a way in which the back is facing you up. Mark a number 7 from the tip of the fourth division close to the base. Start the number seven there down to the tip. Cut it but do not go through it straight. After cutting, all you need is a plane and chisel to smoothen the surface.

Working on the base of your residential wind power turbine, you need to divide the number of blades you have by 360 degrees. Since we are working on three, we need a 120 degree angle and cut the three blades so they can be connected as one and look like fan blade. Now that you are done with your residential wind power turbine, all you need to do is to attach it and let it do the work.

Windy Horse Story

(by Ashish K Arora)

Taking My Cat to The Vet

2009-01-24T08:29:00.000-08:00

Today is cat to the vet day. We have a cat that has a bladder issue, where magic crystals form when her diet consists of too much magnesium, so a special prescription diet is needed to prevent crystal formation. The last time we visited the vet's office our cat who is normally very timid, attacked the vet. The vet came back from the lab with hair all dishevled and clinging to the cat who had attached claws to the vet's chest. Thinking back on this it was really kind of funny. I wonder if we are going to be in for something funny today. Stay tuned.

Steeler Nation - BBQ Ceremony

2009-01-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaThose of us who are part of the Steeler Nation have gameday rituals that range from multiday drink-athons to searing meat festivals. Today as I await the AFC divisional game between dem Stillers and the Bolts of Sandy I eagerly pace deciding when to unveil the grill. The debate is, do we prepare by bbqing prior to the game so that while it's on we watch, or do we try to cook after the game to enjoy the thrill of victory. Maybe both. I am going with fire = good, and engaging in fire activites is good luck for the Stillers. Although, dare I say indoor grilling anyone? With the proper ventilation a grill could be used indoors, but it still is not without risk. Maybe some hybrid electric grill or stove top smoker would do the trick. Still where is the fire?

Go 'Blitz' Burgh!

Burger King Flame - Mystery to Employees

2008-12-23T07:25:00.000-08:00

Upon hearing that Burger King would be releasing a fragrance that smelled of meat I immediately knew I needed to buy it. The entertainment value alone would be worth the few dollars. Not to mention the potential mischief that could be had spraying coworkers, or your spouses pillow, or taunting neighborhood dogs. I mean this spray could be magic.

Today, I finally stopped at my nearest Burger King to buy the spray. Being lazy and still half asleep I decided to use the drive through window. The resulting conversation went something like this:

"Hello, welcome to Burger King would you like to upgrade, buy more than you can eat, become obese, etc..."
"Hi, I would like a bottle of meat spray."
"Awwww, sorry what was that?"
"I would like to buy your meat flavored fragrance."
"Sorry sir I have absolutely no idea what you are asking."
"The spray that smells like whoppers. I saw on TV that you were selling a body spray that was meat scented."
"Yes we have whoppers"
"No, I do not want a whopper, I want the whopper meat spray."
[SILENCE]
(my wife "This is freaking hilarious")
"Ok, sorry I guess I was misinformed, sorry to waste your time"
[MORE SILENCE]

We drove off wondering what the hell just happened. Could this all be a holiday marketing scheme intended to drive jackasses like myself to Burger King, possibly. Could this spray that had gained so much media traction, not have trickled down to the average employee; also a possibility. Could this jackass behind the audio communication still be hungover or was this employee not engaged enough to read any press release or listen to any manager briefing? I guess these are all possibilities. The end result is that I have no meat spray. I refuse to scour the web for it or pay 7xs the retail value. Piss off with your meat spray Burger King, and as for that King... "I will get you some day, bastard."

Burger King Spray Causes Cancer

Gnome Statue of Worship in Laveen, AZ (near phoenix)

2008-10-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, they let me out of the crate, and I venture out into the world. Over the weekend I spent some time traveling in Phoenix, AZ. On my travels, I came across a worship site centered around a tiny gnome. The Gnome Statue of Worship, actually located in Laveen, AZ was a very interesting find. I was only there for several minutes, but a few dog walkers and lost yard sale scavengers passed by and confirmed that this was a gnome statue. I will let the worship claims up to you.

Find the Gnome Statue

2008-08-03T13:02:00.001-07:00

2008-08-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Poo number 2

2008-08-03T12:05:00.001-07:00

Grossology Exhibit

Mystery of the Death Dove

2008-07-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

Tejiana is the place to go for custard slurpies, Shumwhere Farm Rd is the place for dead doves.

In the late summer of 2005, me and the punk rock couch cushion inherited a marvelous home from the bank and greedy lumber slingers. Of course, this house has several windows facing all directions, and we do not clean them.

After the first incident, we felt bad and buried the victim. Another "thump" and another attempt to dig the proper grave. This was quickly becoming a chore. Later, the funeral was replaced with a grocery bag and a toss in the rubbish can.

Here we are 3 years later. The doves find new windows to mistaken for open air, and I am still finding dead, half wilted carcasses settled into the 1/2 inch granite rock that surrounds this property.

I have considered leaving them for the local cats, birds, and microorganisms to devour. Although, my concern for smell and, well the smell really is my primary concern.

Here in the desert, heat and low humidity are great for preserving the dead doves should we choose to. If you or your friends would be interested in investing in a window-dove preservation, we would probably consider not collecting them with a garden trial into the green plastic transport device. Selah!

2008-07-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Baltimore Aquirium

2008-06-23T11:39:00.001-07:00