Cool Ass Cinema

Heroes of Horror: New Blood & Old Hats Part 1

2012-02-15T23:27:00.000-08:00

FILMMAKERS OF FEAR & FILTH

It's safe to say that horror has changed a great deal over the years. Every facet of this oft derided cinema style has been altered in some way from previous decades as well as coming full circle in others. With the passage of time, the genre has gotten more and more graphic, eventually falling into a glut of repetitiveness and lazy ideas till someone comes along and shakes things up again. So far, there has yet to appear the new Bava, Raimi, Romero, Carpenter, or Hooper. There's been some promising talents to crop up, but like so much of 70s brutal horror and exploitation, this is more down to an enterprising hotshot hungry to shock an audience ultimately proving to be a flash in the pan till the fire has extinguished itself. The 70s, a decade brimming with grotesque visionaries, produced some of horrors biggest names, but also a lot of unrealized potential. Either these upstart directors continually produced pictures of little to no substance, or simply fell off the radar altogether. Many of them went on to careers in the industry, or found bigger fame in other genres. Where and who are the new crop of Horror Heroes?

Reflective of the trashy, low budget exploitation movies of the 70s and 80s, horror today tends to gravitate towards that very same "gore the merrier" attitude with so little left to the imagination. Only now the budgets are greatly increased and the films look a helluva lot slicker. Bigger isn't necessarily better, though. It's the same evisceration, decapitation, disembowelment over and over with a darker shade of blood with each passing flick and as much in the way of creative killing as the minds of the writers can muster. This is what passes for imagination in so many of horrors crop these days. For many, non stop gore is enough. That's not to say there isn't some ingenuity out there making the rounds, but like years past, this is relegated to a number of the independent filmmakers which are receiving some fierce competition from hungry foreign directors from Europe and Japan. In many of these cases involving foreign imports, if American producers can't beat them, they remake them.

One of the many retitlings of Hooper's EATEN ALIVE (1976)

Speaking of imagination, the guiding hand behind these vintage movies often cared about the finished product as well as satisfying the audience paying to see them in addition to giving them both goosebumps and something to think about on the way home. It wasn't always about grossing out the audience. There used to be a time when horror fans got giddy with the mere mention of an upcoming Romero movie, or the new production from Craven and Raimi. Hell, even at his lowest ebb beginning in the mid 1980s, Tobe Hooper still had the ability to rally his terror troops in the hopes he'd pull a good movie out of his hat. Some of Horrors Heroes have went on to "greener" pastures (Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson), but still retain their roots, so to speak. There also comes a time when these elder statesmen have reached the pinnacle of their craft and need to be "put out to pasture", despite carrying on with purportedly dismal results.

KING OF THE WALKING DEAD

George Romero, frequently pointed out by his fanbase, is an example of this. Rarely has one of his non-zombie pictures attracted any lasting notoriety; yet when he delivers a new film about his most famous subject, fans reject it with contempt. Understandably, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978) is an extremely difficult film to follow up on. In its day, DAY OF THE DEAD (1985) received a fair amount of criticism from fans for various reasons, but is now considered a classic. Since then, Romero has turned out a few new zombie adventures with each being different from the one before it and with each having something to say between the lines. There has been a serious divide among fans regarding Romero's newer dead opuses, but one thing differentiates them from the rest of the independent pack; films like LAND OF THE DEAD (2005), DIARY OF THE DEAD (2008) and SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD (2010) are all original takes on the dead tired zombie genre. They all tread different territory. Meanwhile, mega drivel like FLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (2007) and DIE-NER (2010) receive a befuddling amount of high praise. Romero has directed a fair number of good movies outside of the living dead canon (MARTIN, CREEPSHOW), but he was so impeccably rough around the edges and didactic with his approach to the zombie mythos, everything he has done, or continue to do will constantly be compared to DAWN OF THE DEAD; and to an extent, his groundbreaking NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD from 1968.

Romero was so successful in his revisionism of the living dead that he inspired an entire European onslaught of flesh eating cinema that lasted some two decades. Guys like Jorg Grau, Lucio Fulci and Bruno Mattei have attained cult status with their own good, bad and downright nasty examples of the flesh shredding, shuffling dead. The Italian walking dead movie threatens to rise again with the release of the modern day gladiator zombie-slasher flick MORITURIS (2011) and the apocalyptic EATERS (2011), the latter of which is presented by Uwe Boll of all people. Boll's "name brand" will surely succeed in putting the proverbial bullet in the brain of the possibility of a new Italian zombie renaissance.

OF MEN, MASSACRES & CHAINSAWS

There also used to be a time when directors who frequently dabbled in the genre churned out consistently well mounted pictures and even those that frequently regurgitated mediocre movies still managed to amass and maintain a loyal cult of followers. Nowadays, a director can excrete multiple mediocre movies and be heralded a 'Master of Horror' because his film homages past artists and their superior accomplishments (1,000 cut rate corpses in a big ol' creepy house, anyone?). Some others armed with a slim resume even go so far as to adorn their own film with their name above the title. John Carpenter earned the right to do this with consecutive GOOD movies. Prior to the blind imperiousness of some of today's 'rock'em sock'em horror directors, there was one such moviemaker who exploded out of the gate with one of the genres most controversial and critically appreciated examples of the cinematic endurance test. Tobe Hooper's THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) is a prime illustration of a movie that descends the darkest recesses of man and visibly shakes its audience out of a shock induced state of catatonia without utilizing anything in the way of extreme gore. The power of the film would fool you into thinking you saw flesh being penetrated by the jagged sharpness of a chainsaw, but that would be your imagination filling in the blanks. Very few, if any horror pictures can pull this off today.

Sadly, Hooper would lose momentum shortly after the start of the 1980s. However, he did direct the single scariest and unsettling vampire movie ever made with the Stephen King adaptation of SALEM'S LOT in 1979 and a choice slasher entitled THE FUNHOUSE in 1981. After directing the troubled production that was POLTERGEIST (1982), Hooper went further downhill, but did manage to turn in a reasonably dark vision with the pseudo remake, THE TOOLBOX MURDERS in 2004. Hooper faithfully sequelized his seminal piece of deranged Americana in 1986, but ultimately fell off the terror train with such wretched movies as SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION (1990) and CROCODILE (2000).

THREE CLASS AXE & ONE GREAT WHITE SHARK

In the 1960s you could count on filmmakers such as 'Master of the MacGuffin', Alfred Hitchcock and Italy's macabre maestro, Mario Bava to regularly deliver chillers to the masses. Both artists are like night and day when comparing their styles. Hitchcock was capable of crafting incredibly stylish motion pictures with veritable ease as well as becoming one of cinemas most significant moviemakers. While he isn't known as a horror director, his PSYCHO (1960) alone is responsible for a legion of future slashers, and his THE BIRDS (1963) could be viewed as the film that made audiences take the 'Nature Amok' sub genre seriously. The pedigree and popularity of both those milestones will always keep Hitch in close association with horror. Arguably Britain's most influential export in the movie world, his closest approximation to emulating that style in America would be Brian De Palma. Again, this director is not known for being a horror filmmaker, his monumentally frightening 1976 film CARRIE has solidified himself a spot among the horror faithful. Some of his other films such as SISTERS (1973), PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (1974), THE FURY (1978) and DRESSED TO KILL (1980) have elements of horror in them as well.

Steven Spielberg is among a small contingent of filmmakers who either started in horror, or flirted with it occasionally before embarking on a career of greater expanse ranging from adventure spectacles to powerfully dramatic features. His early works on the TV show NIGHT GALLERY and the terrifyingly taut TV Movie DUEL (1971) notwithstanding, Spielberg was responsible for one of horrors seminal works, the first major blockbuster, JAWS (1975). Spielberg may not be a horror director, but this movie that almost wasn't contains more sheer terror than a dozen so called horror films in today's market. JAWS is that rare breed of movie that resonates as much fear now as it did during the time of its release. His INDIANA JONES & THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984), a film that was so shocking that it caused the creation of the PG-13 rating, also has enough 'shock and awe-fully' gory moments to fill the bloody coffers of the average horror hound. What's overwhelmingly sad about the mention of Hitchcock, De Palma and Spielberg is that those three randomly selected filmmakers have made far better horror movies than the very directors who claim to be the genres champions of today. The glut of what passes for horror these days is infected with a PORKY'S level mentality and it doesn't appear to be going away any time soon, nor does it appear to be growing up.

HORRORS NEW HOPE, OR HINDRANCE?

Adam Green and his HATCHET 2 crew

By comparison, what we get today from directors who work predominantly, or exclusively in the horror genre puke up garbage like HATCHET (2006) and 2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS (2009), the crap sequel to the borderline mess that is 2001 MANIACS (2005). The director of HATCHET is the noticeably enthusiastic Adam Green. Boldy stating a return to "oldschool American horror", HATCHET gets by on splashy gore effects, decent atmosphere and cameos by genre regulars such as Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, Tony Todd and little else. Oldschool American Horror was scary, not funny the last time I checked. Allegedly, this throwaway fear flick has since earned itself a cult following. It did manage to garner an infantile sequel that repudiated much of the mythology that came before it going so far as to introduce the supernatural into the mix. HATCHET 2 stars horror heroine and fan favorite Danielle Harris. Here, she manages to mangle an accent that comes and goes; there's even more splatter effects laced with even more painful comedy and even worse dialog and direction. After a disastrous limited theatrical showing, this one quickly hit DVD and apparently sold enough units to deserve(?) a third installment which threatens to slap the horror genre in the face a third time later this year.

Green did helm one of the most intense horror pictures of the new millennium in the form of FROZEN (2010); a taut terror tale about three friends accidentally left stranded atop a ski lift which will be closed for an entire week. Surprisingly, this single locale provides numerous opportunities to generate genuine horror and Green doesn't disappoint. Sadly, Green would return to juvenile horror-ible with the aforementioned and thoroughly abysmal HATCHET 2 (2010). Amazingly, the films title bears the directors name above it in a pretentious bit of showboating the likes of which hasn't been seen since Carpenter's days. Incidentally, Carpenter had made a few GOOD movies prior to utilizing such a practice. In its minor measure of defense, HATCHET 2 does sport some spectacular poster artwork. Green also added his name to the even more vapid, hopelessly puerile crapola that is CHILLERAMA (2011). His 'Diary of Anne Frankenstein' segment displays the most creativity of the bunch, but that's not saying a whole helluva lot. This movie, an anthology which is supposed to be a tribute of sorts to the bygone days of the drive in, is anything but. It's more of an insult and an embarrassment to those involved. If you find non stop dick jokes your idea of hilarity, then this is your movie. Incredibly lame, the film also sports the participation by another director who has been heralded as one of horrors hopefuls, Tim Sullivan.

Sullivan (left) with another horror hopeful, Eli Roth (right), a guy who was beginning to shine before he slowed down to a crawl after a seemingly frustrating experience with the superior HOSTEL 2 (2007)

Sullivan has worked in various capacities on various movies of varying quality, but his directed efforts leave a lot to be desired. Just based on his two MANIACS movies and that pathetic CHILLERAMA segment, there's nothing visibly apparent to show any ability to drum up the most elementary of horror basics. Elementary is a good word to describe his horror-ible movies; his "Werebear" segment in the aforementioned eyesore that is CHILLERAMA being a chief component to the sorry state of horror these days. Astonishingly, Sullivan is reportedly spearheading a series of horror related productions bearing a "Tim Sullivan Presents" moniker. The mind boggles. Guys like George Romero and Tobe Hooper had true ambition and brought their nightmares to the screen with an incredibly small amount of funds and driven by dedication to their craft. Both NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) became serious cult classics because they were scary and relied on societal issues to enhance their value. They had a lot to say about mankind as well as distorted familial values and not a dick joke in sight. Today, the filmmaking horror hipsters are uber cool because they stuff their films with familiar faces and nods to past horror favorites made with ten times the bloody beating heart and soul. To hell with actual skill or a good script when you got Sid Haig and Bill Moseley for marquee value, right?

TO BE CONTINUED....

***ALL IMAGES: GOOGLE IMAGES***

The Woman (2011) review

2012-02-15T00:25:00.000-08:00

THE WOMAN 2011

Pollyanna McIntosh (The Woman), Sean Bridgers (Chris Cleek), Angela Bettis (Belle Cleek), Zach Rand (Brian Cleek), Lauren Ashley Carter (Peggy Cleek), Shyla Molhusen (Darlin' Cleek), Alexa Marcigliano (Socket)

Directed by Lucky McKee

"Have you ever known me to let things get out of hand?"--Chris Cleek to his secretary.

The Short Version: This sick, twisted horror film is the insane progeny of FATHER KNOWS BEST after being raped by THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. If thought provoking endurance tests like MARTYRS are enticing to you, then this film is perfect for your unsavory itinerary. That's an endorsement, by the way, as Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum prove to be a match made in horror movie hell successfully and savagely shoveling one of the most repugnant, yet beautifully captured maleficent, misogynistic motion pictures down our throats. If you're brave enough, view at your own risk. A near masterpiece of the macabre and the moribund, it's rude, rowdy and has something to say. You'll either love it or hate it. Stick around for a totally bizarre extended scene with Darlin' after the end credits have finished.

While on a solo hunting excursion, Chris Cleek, a reputable lawyer and family man, finds a feral female bathing in a stream. Capturing her, Cleek chains her up in his basement. Instead of notifying the local authorities, the seemingly moralistic patriarch intends to "domesticate" this animalistic woman which results in some shocking revelations.

Working from a novel written by both Jack Ketchum and director McKee, this pseudo-sequel to 2009's OFFSPRING (that films director takes a producer credit here) almost defies classification. Successfully distorting audience perceptions, this dirty little movie will likely derive some of the most disturbing emotional responses in those who see it--that is if you're able to make it from the beginning to the beyond insane finale. Gathering a firestorm of controversy since its festival showings last year, the films long gestation towards completion is well worth it for those who can appreciate this mind numbing descent into human depravity. That's not to say those who find this movie morally reprehensible shouldn't wear the scars burned into them after this 100+ minutes have ended as a badge of honor. Honestly, what do you think you're getting with a film bearing the name of Jack Ketchum among the credits?

Lucky McKee (who also directed the Ketchum novel RED [2008] for the silver screen) explodes with grotesquely fervent brilliance with this tonally and graphically unsettling motion picture. Categorically speaking, this disquieting, nightmarish vision of the All American middle class iconography carefully and brutally marries skewed normality and untamed savagery that--particularly in the third act--recalls the atmosphere of Hooper's THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974). Prior to the proceedings going straight to gore drenched hell during the finale, the filmmakers painstakingly pick their shock moments. Some of these are built up through foreshadowing and others are artistically manipulated through dissolves and nerve-jangling edits often accompanied by brooding, or lovelorn alternative rock tunes that reflect the onscreen drama and cruelty.

It's here where the filmmakers intentions are unclear. These are very strong, powerful moments, but the use of these songs, as eloquently morbid as they are when paired with the visuals, may be construed as blackly humorous. Perceiving some of these tastelessly accomplished scenes as darkly comical will no doubt make some viewers infinitely more uncomfortable with what is unspooling before their very eyes. By the time the finale has arrived, the chains are broken and all bets are off. Things subtlely and explicitly alluded to over the course of the movie finally boil over into a miasma of violence punctuated by a geek show level of shock and awe that will leave your jaw on the floor and those with weak constitutions either feeling nauseous, or ejecting the DVD altogether.

Probably the only real fumble this film makes is in it being a sequel to the far inferior OFFSPRING (2009). If you've not seen, nor heard of that movie, you will be perplexed as to who this Woman is and where she comes from. There's a brief scene at the beginning that appears to be a dream sequence alluding to the notion that the Wild Thang was raised by a wolf. Still, considering the quirkiness and the outrageous schism of the typical family unit that is revealed here, the doubtless confusion over the title femme feral fatale and her origin will likely fade for those unfamiliar with the previous picture. However, knowing who she is and what she has done prior to her capture, McKee succeeds in doing something Rob Zombie has failed at repeatedly in his own movies--derive sympathy for the title monster.

One of the keys to this films success in that respect is the creation of another monster that is equally as vicious, but bearing a facade of a civilized familial bread winner. Ketchum's adaptations are rife with this kind of oppressive evil hidden away from the eyes of society; particularly in THE GIRL NEXT DOOR (2007) and THE LOST (2008). One could also say this script is a revisionist version of THE GIRL NEXT DOOR; that films tortured innocent being substituted for the voracious amazonian cannibal clan leader of OFFSPRING. But while Cleek commits atrocities to The Woman that aren't too far removed from what she and her now dead clan had perpetrated on their victims, the difference lies in that one ferociously bathes in neolithic tendencies and the other hides them from those outside the family unit.

One constant that those who will love or hate this film can agree on is that it's incredibly misogynistic. There are those who state the movie glorifies it and others that say it denounces it; that this production is actually about the empowerment of women. If anything, OFFSPRING had more of a dominant female core than this film does. The title Woman held fierce sway over her cannibalistic clan. Here, she is helpless through much of the movie. Furthermore, this is one of those movies with a certain level of subtext that will allow every viewer to come away with their own interpretation. It becomes quickly apparent that the head of the Cleek household has a serious dislike for women and this only swells till the ball-busting conclusion when McKee and company body slam the viewer into 70s exploitation territory. Upon capturing this wild woman, one wonders why he doesn't simply call the police. Cleek's quirky peculiarities are amplified by the near constant rapture of barking dogs. Just what does he keep out there in the cages with them? Subtle nuances involving his terrified daughter Peggy and the foreboding evil emanating from the youngest son, Brian reveal that this is a seriously dysfunctional family of the highest order.

Misogyny is defined as being 'the hatred of women'. There are many movies that tackle this topic; some glorify it for sensationalist purposes and others outright condemn it. THE WOMAN is such an experience, although it muddies the water making it unclear as to what it's truly trying to say. This is both a visual and visceral experience and you will take away from it what you will. Regardless of how you feel about it, misogyny is a subject that is seriously broached here and one that runs rampant throughout going completely wild during the finale. The Man forces The Woman to eat at her feet; cleans her in a humiliating sequence with a high pressure washer; slaps and punches his wife around at the first sign of disobedience or question of authority; The Man rapes The Woman then slips comfortably back into bed next to his wife; disbelieves his wife regarding one of the films many revolting sequences; Brian, the son, seems pleased while watching a little girl being bullied; he exacts revenge on a schoolgirl for beating him in basketball by putting gum in her comb; Both father and son revel in the unmitigated destruction of the female form during the last 15 minutes--a wildly perverse denouement that words cannot accurately describe.

I would say it's a logical assumption that this picture does not condone violence towards women. Considering what The Woman did in the previous movie, an argument could be made she is getting a taste of what she dished out to her victims. But what of the others? There are two wonderfully edited sequences here amidst the widespread nihilism. One speaks volumes without the use of dialog and another is an asymmetrical sequence that bonds several emotions together all at once. The former is a moment wherein Belle (Bettis) may or may not free herself from the constricting binds of her distracted husband while The Woman grimaces in approval. The latter is a collage of mini scenes (such as Belle buying groceries and trying to maintain her composure while chatting with a friend) cut together evoking numerous bits of exposition with little to no dialog ably aided by a song on the soundtrack.

So is THE WOMAN a misogynist fantasy? Of course it is. The ONSCREEN hatred of women is glaringly apparent and personified by Chris Cleek and his devoted son, Brian. Up until the end, I don't feel it glorifies this violence or demeaning treatment, but presents it as an ugly, abhorrent behavior. But again, the way some of these scenes play out, some viewers will likely come away with conflicting viewpoints. Much like I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978), you have to endure 80 minutes of pain and suffering for a 20 minute payoff, and by then, you're ready for it. Some may take issue with that, but "good" triumphs in the end as appalling as it may be. Is this a movie about the empowerment of women? I don't think so. The only female who manages to usurp her confinement is the title character and she is anything but lacking in strength. Judging by the 25 minute 'making of' on the DVD, everybody had a great time making this offensively absorbing little movie.

Horror is supposed to hit a nerve. If it doesn't, it wasn't necessarily successful in its mission. THE WOMAN hits multiple nerves. It also has multiple agendas. One of them is to tell a provocative story and shock you along the way. Granted, by the end, unabashed exploitation takes center stage and this is where the misogyny is at its most abrasive and sensational. Whatever the filmmakers feelings are on their work, they've succeeded in garnering the required reaction which all depends on what you take away from this movie much in the way Pascal Laugier's MARTYRS (2008) pummeled its viewers. It's nigh impossible to watch that movie without being affected in some way. THE WOMAN works on much the same levels in its tinkering with audience perception. It may not have the same sort of profound, semi religious message at its core, but it speaks on multiple levels including domestic abuse, chauvinism, what goes on behind closed doors and the squashing of a taboo subject or two.

The performances are all extraordinarily top notch. Pollyanna McIntosh reeks of charismatic savagery in her mostly silent performance. Hopefully, this delightfully imposing actress will go on to a successful career in the acting field. Uncharacteristically of The Woman, there's two incredible moments of poignancy where the film attains a brief instance of remorse for both her--and fleetingly--her captor. Immediately after cleansing the ferocious female (she musters the word 'please'!), Chris has her dressed, gives her water and a good meal. Scarfing it down and allowing The Man to get close to her without "snapping" at him, her near starved and tired body looks up and repeats the words "Thank you." The movie never again approaches this kind of semi dramatic solace, but it's morbidly touching that such a moment is in there. Granted, this moment of congeniality from Chris is short lived. While she's the central freak on display, The Woman isn't the main attraction.

Sean Bridgers epitomizes the dark soul that exists in all of us. He is "The Man" to this films "Woman". But then, the films title could also stand for all women and the struggles they face in destructively violent relationships. The Abused Woman; The Pregnant Woman; The Neglected Woman; The Strong Woman. Bridgers character is every woman's worst nightmare for a significant other; a vicious, evil man masquerading as a devout family man leaving no clues for friends and neighbors to sense the dark soul housed within. The actor pulls it off with gleeful abandon. He's quite insane and the lengths of his depravity are hinted at without any graphic depiction till the wildly over the top finale. Angela Bettis is strong as the weak-willed wife trying to cope with being the stay-at-home-mom living a lie hiding her miserable existence while pretending to be the happy housewife. Her performance is another strong link among a chain of grand performances.

The extraordinary soundtrack is the work of Sean Spillane. It's made up of a string of powerful quasi ballads that mimic and mock the onscreen action. These even include a rollickingly catchy country-rock tune entitled 'Complicated Woman'. It's also in this area where some may take issue with the films intentions considering some of these songs make light of the overly sensitive subject matter. However, the non-vocal tracks are just as grim as the scenes they're married to. The sound design and editing are also of a high caliber. These add immensely to the whole nerve shattering experience for a film that is going to raise more than a few eyebrows, cause a few jaws to hit the floor and upset more than a few stomachs. In the end, it's one of the most masterfully mounted perverse pieces of filth filmmaking to emerge in a long time. Director Lucky McKee was anything but that in making this film. He simply hit a horror home run using his skills armed with a love for the material and the genre in general.

This review is representative of the Vivendi Entertainment DVD

Reel Bad Cinema: The Brainiac (1961) review

2012-02-14T19:47:00.001-08:00

THE BRAINIAC 1961 aka EL BARON DEL TERROR

Abel Salazar (Vetelius Destera), Ruben Rojo (Marcos Miranda), Rosa Maria Gallardo (Victoria Contreras), German Robles (Sebastian de Pantoja), Rene Cardona (Luis Meneses)

Directed Chano Urueta

The Short Version: One of the greatest cult films and one of the most fun is this low budget, but big on laughs Mexi-horror madness from one of that countries biggest directors of the macabre. Words cannot describe, nor cause one to fully appreciate the gleeful insanity on display here. It's because of movies like this that the word 'cult' was coined. You'll see the craziest cinematic monster ever created and some priceless performances amidst scenes of brain slurping and cops with flame throwers. One doesn't need a high IQ to realize indulging in the antics of El Baron is a no brainer.

In 1661, Baron Vetelius Destera is condemned to be burned at the stake for unspeakable crimes. As he burns, all the while wearing a hat that makes him look-a like-a da Pope-a, he swears vengeance on the descendants of his accusers. 300 years later a kids sparkler masquerading as a meteorite brings a paper mache rock crashing to Earth held up by a wire. It transforms into the Baron, now a hairy, insectoid thingamajig with a pulsating head, foam tentacles for hands and a long tongue with which to puncture its victims necks and suck out their brains! Maintaining his human form on occasion, the Baron goes about hypnotizing beautiful women while exacting his revenge and dining on Brains A La Carte kept in a dish in his study. The police are both bumbling and baffled till they realize the only thing that can stop a brain-eating sorcerer with a hairy, pulsating head is to fry him with flamethrowers.

One of the Baron's victims is about to be deep throated.

Simply amazing and jaw-droppingly insane are two ways to describe Chano Urueta's hellzapoppin' wonder from 1961. One of the most famous, if not the single most famous example of the wild, wild world of Mexi-horror, THE BRAINIAC is an hilarious good time not to be missed by bad movie buffs. Combining some striking photographic moments with an Ed Woodian level of filmmaking prowess (check out those cardboard backdrops!), Urueta's movie, like so many Mexi-horrors, is uniquely surreal even when it borrows elements from popular American and Euro horror productions.

Werewolfisms are mixed with ancient curses resulting in vengeance from beyond the grave. Considering El Baron returns riding a comet, shouldn't this be revenge from beyond the stars? Anyway, whenever the brain sucking Baron isn't throttling his victims and scarfing down their gray matter, he takes the form of Abel Salazar, the human guise of the sorcerous Destera. While the monster moments offer up some choice hilarity, the transfixing scenes of Vetelius hypnotizing his victims (heralded by the flash of an offscreen light that appears on the Baron's face) are just as unintentionally riotous. The expressions (or sometimes lack of expression) of the actors and actresses are priceless and serve to add to the sheer nuttiness that the English dubbed version only exacerbates in this lovingly brainless movie.

German Robles is lost in a gaze

German Robles--who became a big star in Mexican cinema and also internationally well known to the cult of fans who saw him in the classic THE VAMPIRE (1957) and its sequel, THE VAMPIRE'S COFFIN (1957)--has a supporting role here as one of the brain slurpers victims. Robles' frozen gaze with his excited, bulging eyeballs is beyond melodramatic instead turning into comedy gold.

The Baron casually mocks his executioners

Salazar himself gets in on the unintended goofiness during the extended 1661 trial sequence that takes place at the beginning. As his numerous crimes are read off, he cracks the most random smile and laugh that looks more suited for a vacation photo than for mocking accusations of necromancy and other sadistic acts. Speaking of this opening sequence, it features the single most self assured warlock the screen has ever seen. Vetelius simply doesn't care he's being burned at the stake (check out the execution approved Pope hat!). He shows his defiance and non chalant attitude by using his powers to transfer his chains and shackles to the two men guarding him in a bit of Stoogian practical jokery.

The Baron loves his brains fresh and ready to slurp.

And with all this rampant absurdity assaulting the viewers senses, many questions remain unanswered, but this, too, adds to the charms of this shameless oddity from South of the Border. Why does Vetelius come back 300 years later looking like a space alien? Why does he suck out brains...through the back of the neck? Why does he keep a big bowl of brains inside a desk, and why are they not refrigerated? Would not leaving brains out like that cause them to spoil? Why does he brazenly scoop up these brains and eat them right in the middle of big parties he holds? Where exactly do those brains in the dish come from? Are they the same ones sucked out by Baron Brain, but regurgitated? If so, how are they magically put back together again? Just like eating peanuts wouldn't you say? Are flamethrowers the weapon of choice for all Mexican cops? Whatever the answers to these questions may be, it's refreshing the movie ignores such things as logic and cohesiveness in its mission to visualize the looniest story possible.

Even with the thick air of retardation, this picture, like a lot of Mexi-horrors, contains some questionably gruesome moments that would no doubt raise an eyebrow or two if utilized in an American film of this vintage. These mostly compile the aforementioned brain eating moments. Seeing Salazar openly scooping up brains and slurping them down is an incredibly queasy sight for a movie made in 1961. Another semi-shocking moment is a shot of a murdered man hanging upside down in his shower drowned in a bathtub full of water! Possibly most shockingly surreal of all are the opening credits. Backing the titles are these amazingly detailed paintings that detail such kid friendly sights as decapitated corpses hanging upside down from trees and naked witches riding their broomsticks!

THE BRAINIAC isn't the best example of Mexi-Horror cinema, but it's easily one of the most fun, not to mention one of the wackiest movies you're ever likely to see. Watching it, you'd swear this was intended as some sort of parody and the commentary track by Kirb Pheeler attests to this. The plot mixes ingredients of oldeworld witch burners with some dashes of lycanthropic and otherworldy shenanigans to create a brain throbbing stew of goofy, mind melting fun. If bad movies are among your cinematic cravings, then it's a no-brainer to select THE BRAINIAC for some midnight movie madness.

This review is representative of the CasaNegra DVD

Cult Film Faves Not On DVD: House of Dark Shadows (1970) review

2012-02-13T20:29:00.001-08:00

HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS 1970

Jonathan Frid (Barnabus Collins), Kathryn Leigh Scott (Maggie Evans), Roger Davis (Jeff Clark), Grayson Hall (Dr. Julia Hoffman)

Directed by Dan Curtis

The Short Version: Popular cinematic adaptation of Dan Curtis' groundbreaking Gothic soap opera featuring ghouls, ghosts, werewolves and vampires not the least of which was the wildly popular character, Barnabus Collins. This film is more of a compact version of the 1,225 episode series run and a right entertaining, cliffhanger packed terror tale in its own right. Those interested in exploring the TV show may find this a useful primer before digging up the DVD collections of the classic horror daytime soap opera series.

While searching for the Collins family treasure, Willie the groundskeeper is led to the family crypt. Instead of finding a wealth of jewels, he instead finds Barnabus Collins, confined within his coffin for over 150 years. Making Willie his slave, Barnabus discovers the governess of Collinwood bears a shocking resemblance to his lost love, Josette. As bodies mount and the police close in, doctor Julia Hoffman uncovers a serum from the blood of Barnabus's victims that could lead to a cure for vampirism. Falling in love with him upon curing him of his thirst for blood, Barnabus has no desire to let go his love for Maggie, the living image of his long dead Josette.

The massively popular soap opera (1966-1971) is transformed into a major motion picture with some added blood and gore that wouldn't have passed the TV censors at the time. The storyline is essentially the TV series condensed into a 100 minute time frame. At times, the film appears to be stitched together from multiple episodes due to some choppy editing noticeable from some jarring cuts in the musical score. Even so, it isn't choppy in its narrative, although it does seem to leap around quite a bit branching off into various subplots leading up to a Hammeresque showdown inside a ramshackle monastery saturated with fog.

The typical vampire movie tropes are trotted out here such as the tiresome plot device of the bloodsucker spying a woman who reminds him of a lost love and the desire to make her his undead bride. For a nice change of pace, we get a subplot regarding a female scientist who develops a serum to cure the lovelorn, but murderous Barnabus and change him back into a mortal. Of course, with this being a horror oriented soap opera, there's plenty of betrayals, flashing fangs, broken and staked hearts to go around. Award winning make up artist Dick Smith (THE EXORCIST) contributed his hands to this picture with some choice bloody stakings and an impressive old age look for our lead vampire towards the end.

HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS has some striking sequences (mainly its ending) and some others recall certain moments from other horror pictures of the undead variety. The staking of Carolyn by Professor Stokes and the police is reminiscent of the famous scene from Hammer's DRACULA, PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1966). It's just as harrowing, if a bit more grim. It lacks the powerful resonance of James Bernard's musical cues, but it's an eye opening scene just the same. A modern setting was also shared by a runaway independent hit by the name of COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE (1970); a film which this DARK SHADOWS big screen adaptation resembles in some ways.

Dan Curis himself would carry on the tradition of a modern day bloodsucker with his TV movie THE NIGHT STALKER (1972) prior to producing the short lived series of the same name. With the success of HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS, a sequel was called for that was originally to continue where this film left off. With the series cancellation in 1971, Jonathan Frid was approached to appear in this second feature that same year, but declined. Instead of passing the fangs onto a new actor, an entirely new story was constructed which didn't go over too well with the public. The films failure ended any further movies, but the series continued in syndication with all 1,225 episodes being aired over the years. A newer version of the series was launched in the 90s, but it failed to catch on with the public.

I've only ever seen bits and pieces of certain episodes of the original DARK SHADOWS television series, but my first exposure was to a Dark Shadows joke book that belonged to a family member. It had the iconic image of a fang flashing Barnabus Collins fixed within his devilish dog headed cane on the cover. This little book was filled with harmless jokes about various creatures of the night featured on the show and many concerning the lead vampire.

Oddly enough considering his age, Canadian born Jonathan Frid became a major heartthrob from appearing on the series after a few dozen shows had already aired becoming an instant sensation almost immediately. Unlike anything that had been seen at the time, this type of program hasn't been replicated in the form of a daytime soap opera since, or amassed the sort of cult fanbase this series has over the years. While this 100+ minute movie isn't representative of the wide expanse of the TV series, it's a great starting point for those seeking to discover what all the screaming was about regarding the horrors living in and around Collinsport, Maine.

Assorted Bits & Pieces: Hudson Horror Show 5, Tales From Development Hell & Hammer's Next Horror!

2012-02-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

PRESS RELEASE FOR HUDSON HORROR SHOW 5

On Saturday, May 19^th, 2012, the hallowed grounds of the Silver Cinemas South Hills 8 will once again showcase the greatest classic horror film festival in the Hudson Valley, Hudson Horror Show V! Our fifth 12 hour movie festival will feature five full length classic genre films along with shorts and drive in style trailers, all of rare 35mm film prints!

Our December to Dismember 2011 show was a sell out with people having to be seated in our “reserved for staff seats”. Don’t miss out, grab your tickets now! This is our third year of shows and ticket prices are still only $26.00 in advance via PayPal. Advance ticket holders save money and will be admitted first. If any tickets remain they will be available at the door on the day of the show for $30.00, cash only.

Our Frankenstein like monster of a lineup is still being assembled slowly, piece by bloody piece. While we cannot divulge the full lineup yet, we can tell you that we have our two “headliners” ready. We’ve screened quite a few zombie movies, but we have yet to run anything by the Godfather himself. Hudson Horror Show is very proud to present a rare screening of George A. Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD. Our co-headlining feature is another classic in its right, the often requested nightmarish masterpiece starring everyone’s favorite “Tall Man”, PHANTASM!

In addition to the headlining films above, we’ll have three other full length features which will be announced in the coming weeks. Watch our website, Facebook and your email in-box for the future announcements. Be sure to sign up for our email list so you’ll be the first to know when our other films are announced.

We’ll have just a few vendor spots for HHV, if you are interested in selling or promoting your wares, or if you just have questions regarding our show, send us an email to info@hudsonhorror.com. Keep your eyes on our website (www.hudsonhorror.com) and Facebook pages for more announcements, get your tickets early for Hudson Horror Show V, and we’ll see you on May 19^th, 2012!

PRESS RELEASE FOR TITAN BOOKS TALES FROM DEVELOPMENT HELL revised and updated edition for release February 28th, 2012!

A compulsively readable journey into the area of filmmaking where all writers, directors and stars fear to tread: Development Hell, the place where scripts are written, actors are hired and sets designed...but the films rarely actually get made!

Whatever happened to Darren Aronofsky's BATMAN movie starring Clint Eastwood? Why were there so many scripts written over the years for Steven Spielberg and George Lucas's fourth Indiana Jones movie? Why was Lara Croft's journey to the big screen so torturous, and what prevented Paul Verhoeven from filming what he calls "one of the greatest scripts ever written"? Why did Ridley Scott's CRISIS IN THE HOT ZONE collapse days away from filming, and were the Beatles really set to star in LORD OF THE RINGS? What does Neil Gaiman think of the attempts to adapt his comic book series The Sandman? All these lost projects, and more, are covered in this major book, which features many exclusive interviews with the writers and directors involved.

A review is forthcoming on this book....

PRESS RELEASE REGARDING HAMMER'S NEXT PRODUCTION:

EXCLUSIVE MEDIA TO LAUNCH INTERNATIONAL SALES ON HAMMER'S THE QUIET ONES AT BERLIN'S EUROPEAN FILM MARKET

8th February 2012: Guy East and Nigel Sinclair, Co-Chairmen of Exclusive Media and Simon Oakes, Vice-Chairman of Exclusive Media and President & CEO of Hammer announced today that Hammer's latest supernatural thriller/horror, THE QUIET ONES, will be presented for the first time at the upcoming European film Market (EFM).

Written and to be directed by John Pogue (QUARANTINE 2) and produced by James Gay-Rees, THE QUIET ONES marks Hammer's follow up to Daniel Radcliffe's THE WOMAN IN BLACK, which was released last weekend in the US on 3,000 screens grossing an outstanding $21 million.

Inspired by true events, THE QUIET ONES tells the story of an unorthodox professor who uses controversial methods and leads his best students off the grid to take part in a dangerous experiment: to create a poltergeist. Based on the theory that paranormal activity is caused by human negative energy, the rogue scientists perform a series of tests on a young patient, pushing her to the edge of sanity. As frightening occurrences begin to take place with shocking and gruesome consequences, the group quickly realizes they have triggered a force more terrifying and evil than they ever could have imagined.

John Pogue said: "THE QUIET ONES will take its audience on a thrilling ride of jumps, scares and eerie tingles which combined with set pieces of unbearable tension will propel them through the shadowy chambers that imprison the tortured mind. It's a dark and claustrophobic picture which will portray how human desire can become trapped in an insidious world of its own creation and how you should always...be careful what you wish for."

The WOMAN IN BLACK opens February 10, 2012 in the United Kingdom.

Amityville 2: the Possession (1982) review

2012-02-05T15:33:00.001-08:00

AMITYVILLE 2: THE POSSESSION 1982

James Olson (Father Adamsky), Jack Magner (Sonny Montelli), Rutanya Alda (Dolores Montelli), Burt Young (Anthony Montelli), Diane Franklin (Patricia Montelli), Andrew Prine (Father Tom), Moses Gunn (Det. Turner), Leonardo Cimino (Monsignor)

Directed by Damiano Damiani

The Short Version: Director Damiani, famous for directing mostly political thrillers and crime dramas branches out into the horror realm with this slick, but sleazy sequel to the blockbuster original. The script presents some interesting angles with which to play around with, but the finished product prefers to go out of its way to deliver what amounts to a polished exploitation film. The end result is ripe with domestic violence, incest, flying furniture and demonic possession culminating in an over the top, skin-shredding denouement.

The Montelli family move into their new home only to quickly discover something has moved in with them and it doesn't want them there. A demonic force living within the house possesses the eldest son forcing him to commit murder and only a priest can save the boy and his soul.

This rude, crude and wholesomely tasteless sequel to the 1979 smash hit SINsation THE AMITYVILLE HORROR is still the best sequel out of the entire series. This second chapter is actually a prequel detailing the actions that occurred in the house before the Lutz family moved in. While essentially the exact same thing happens, this Dino De Laurentiis production ramps up the violence and sleazy spectacle in true sequel fashion. It also wastes no time getting down to business. It's only twenty five minutes into the film and a priest is already on the grounds with the intent of blessing the house which is bringing out some alarmingly dangerous behavior from its occupants.

Almost from the beginning, we get the feeling that this family is bringing along some serious and emotionally dysfunctional baggage. While this is basically a high profile exploitation movie, it also deals with some very real familial problems and social issues including child abuse, domestic violence and taboo subjects such as incest. Piled high on top of that is every devilish trick in the book from flying furniture to blood coming from the most unlikely of places to demonic possession. The first half of the movie consists of the build up to the family massacre while the last half veers off into EXORCIST territory as Father Adamsky (James Olson) fights to save the soul of a boy possessed by a particularly nasty demonic entity.

The origin of the demon that takes over Sonny's (Jack Magner) body isn't actually revealed, but clues are laid down that hint towards a disturbed spirit from an ancient burial ground formerly of the location where the house currently sits. The evil spirit is first "seen" from the point of view of Franco Di Giacomo's delirious cinematography as a watchful, probing force that toys with the family at first. There are knocks at the door at all hours of the night, painting obscene pictures on the walls, furniture flying around and windows opening and closing on their own. The ensuing (and supposedly demon stirred) domestic violence is disturbing, but the Montelli's have already shown themselves to be built around a fractured foundation. This brittle family unit is violently turned against each other culminating in the eldest sons gradual possession leading to a grotesquely cruel sequence wherein the entire family is systematically executed via shotgun.

Prior to this, the film explores a forbidden subject that is ripe for this sort of picture when the demon forces Sonny to seduce his sister. The two already have an unusually close relationship as it is and this portion of the film is handled very well regardless of the unsettling subject matter. Diane Franklin really excels in these scenes in her attempt to come to grips with what has happened as well as struggling with confessing it to Father Adamsky. Franklin debuted the same year as the main female love interest in the superior (if flawed) sex comedy drama, THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982). There are some good performances here even if the family as a whole isn't very likable from the start.

In between ROCKY roles, Burt Young took time out to play essentially the same part, only here he's a slovenly, ill-mannered family man. Since we're supposed to believe that the demon turns this family on each other, their changes in mood and personality are subtly realized considering they're already a dysfunctional bunch from the start. Horror fans can also see Burt Young playing the exact same role yet again in BLOOD BEACH from 1980, only there, he's a cop.

Andrew Prine (left) is no stranger to horror and exploitation movies. Here, he has a supporting role as Father Tom, Adamsky's friend.

There's also some personal demons being fought within Father Adamsky played by James Olson (COMMANDO), but the film never traverses this territory aside from some very vague bits of dialog (why exactly does the priesthood complain about him?). However, Adamsky does bear some responsibility in that he could have possibly prevented the Montelli massacre, but this too is never expounded upon; we only come to this conclusion through the onscreen visuals. Whether dropped from the film, or simply overlooked in Tommy Lee Wallace's script (he also wrote and directed HALLOWEEN 3 and FRIGHT NIGHT 2), the lack of some crucial exposition allows the grue factor to supersede the potential for numerous character and dramatic arcs. This accent towards sleazy spectacle will be less palatable for the EXORCIST crowd, but Damiani does capture several tense moments, but these are more sporadic than strung together. Furthermore, had Damiani wrote the script (as he so often did with films he directed), it's likely these areas would have been more fully explored.

The film also defies logic at times (why does nobody hear the guns going off by themselves? Where are the neighbors?), but truly embraces the absurd during the prosthetic heavy climax. It's so over the top, one can't help but assume the showstopping and award winning transformation effects in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) is to blame. Not only is Sonny exorcised, but his face literally falls apart in a sequence that resembles the body melting finale of THE EVIL DEAD (1981). In the next scene, he's magically put back together again and raised in a Christ-like stance while smoke blows around behind him!

The score by Lalo Schifrin is a major highlight. Schifrin is one of those great composers who seems to never get the level of mention as some of his contemporaries like John Williams or James Horner. Schifrin could always be counted on to deliver a bang up score that generally made even the lowliest of picture seem much bigger than it really was. His scores for DAY OF THE ANIMALS (1977) and THE MANITOU (1978) for instance, help make both of those predominantly derided movies a lot more interesting than they likely wouldn't be otherwise.

This shot recalls a similar, famous image from both the film and the poster artwork from the THE EXORCIST (1973).

It may possess (haha) several similarities with THE EXORCIST (1973), but ever since the release of THE OMEN (1976), the devil has maintained his cash cow status. AMITYVILLE 2 was a box office success that resulted in a gradual decline in "quality" for the series over the next ten years. POSSESSION fails at perfectly balancing its drama with its horror. In terms of expressing its disturbing elements and seedy atmosphere, this first sequel succeeds and revels in them.

This review is representative of the MGM DVD.

20 of the Worst Sword & Sandal Adventures

2012-01-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

20 OF THE WORST SWORD & SANDAL ADVENTURES

This is a selection of what I consider the worst examples of the Sword & Sandal genre. Granted, there's most likely a handful of other movies one could place here (just about anything with Kirk Morris or bearing a directing credit for Guido Malatesta would fit comfortably on this list), but these are among the cream of the crappy crop when it comes to muscleman movie madness; that's not to say some of these films listed here don't have a 'Beef for Brains' level of entertainment value because of their insurmountable awfulness. Some of these budget deprived adventures of mythological mayhem are just plain difficult to sit through. Others have pulpy, adventurous storylines, but obvious limitations both in front of and behind the cameras keep those examples from attaining anything but a place at the bottom of the beefcake barrel.

1. THE PIRATE & THE SLAVE GIRL 1959 aka LA SCIMITARRA DEL SARACENO

Directed by Piero Pierotti

THE PLOT! The dread pirate Drakut seizes secret military documents on their way to Rhodes unknowingly carried by Bianca, the daughter of the Rhodes governor. The jailed adventurer, Captain Diego offers his service to take Drakut's ship, recover the stolen plans and free the governor's daughter. With no other options, the governor accepts this proposal. Pretending to become a hand aboard Drakut's vessel, Diego has plans of his own including stealing Drakut's woman, Miriam, right out from under him.

Visually colorful, lavishly costumed, intricately plotted, but hopelessly anemic non action opus set on the high seas holds great promise in its storyline but can't even be bothered to deliver the required action sequences that's the life blood of these kinds of movies. The only stroke of genius (or mind boggling scripting snafu) is seeing Lex Barker as the villain (especially after playing Tarzan in the earlier part of the 1950s) and Massimo Serato as the hero! Chelo Alonso, in her second such role, sizzles without doing much at all and helps to make this pitiful pirate picture moderately bearable. Future peplum pirate participant, Daniela Vargas is also on hand as one of the bad guys. When the finale mercifully arrives, the whimpering excuse of buckle swashing takes place on what looks like a hurriedly scraped together set from a traveling drama troupe. It's not even realistic on an operatic level--the type of studio bound set you know is fake, but there's a dream-like quality about it. Coming during a time when this genre was thriving and enjoying a great number of quality productions, it's sad that this one is such a lackluster affair especially considering the cast. We don't even get any half baked battles at sea. It's all very tedious and possibly the most boring film on this list.

2. THE LOVES OF HERCULES 1960 aka HERCULES VS. THE HYDRA aka GLI AMORI DI ERCOLE

Directed by Carlo Ludovico Bragaglia

THE PLOT! Hercules seeks revenge against those who killed his wife and people, but finds and falls in love with Jayne Mansfield instead. Throne usurping, a three headed monster and an evil amazonian sorceress figure into this camp classic.

Mickey Hargitay stars alongside his wife, Jayne "the massive" Mansfield, who tackles a dual role here. More accurately, Jayne's breasts have a dual role here vying for screen supremacy, so it's four times the Jayne for your buck. SEE! boobs versus biceps as a dumbfounded Hercules gets hypnotized by the magical allure of Mansfield's mammaries in this camp classic that also features a giant Macy's Day Parade three headed Hydra. SEE! a cave dwelling apeman and a forest of "wooden men" who bleed when you cut their (tree) limbs off. Hargitay is one of the least interesting men to ever appear in one of these movies and he surely looks lost the duration of the picture possibly mesmerized by the Herculean frame of his wife, the real star of the show.

3. COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN 1960 aka LA REGINA DELLE AMAZZONI

Directed by Vittorio Sala

THE PLOT! Strong arm Glauco and his sidekick Pirro embark on a seafaring journey and end up in a kingdom of amazons where they engage in a lot of goofy adventures including a search for a sacred girdle.

Rod Taylor's co-starring credit may be the "best" thing about this occasionally hilarious, but still atrocious Herculean battle of the sexes from 1960. The familiar genre tropes are inverted here with the women dominating the men--they make both love and war and duel in the arena and pick the men of their choosing for the night. There's even a dance number of male dandies! Speaking of queer behavior, the men inhabiting the kingdom of the amazons have taken on effeminate traits which Taylor's character displays intermittently throughout. One minute he's slobbering over the lovely frame of Daniella Rocca and in another he possesses the mannerisms of a sissy. The film loses much of its steam about an hour in and the English dubbing is one of the worst ever applied to a foreign production. Still, the dubbing does have its moments such as a line from a slave with a southern accent--"Let's be off, my baybiz. Ya'll is my women now." Then there's the bastardized pronouncement of the "Queendom of the Amazons" and a talking parrot. Gianna Maria Canale is incredibly sexy here as the lustful ruler in the "Queendom" who protests she will die a virgin. The jazzy musical score is a total misfire, yet the picture seems to have inspired a series of similar movies in the coming years from both Italian and Chinese movie producers. The last sequence is gorgeously captured amidst a backdrop of majestic waterfalls.

4. ATLAS IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS 1961 aka MACISTE NELLA TERRA DEI CICLOPI (MACISTE IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS)

Directed by Antonio Leonviola

THE PLOT! The cruel Queen Capys kidnaps women and children of Sadok to appease the flesh hungry appetite of the giant cave dwelling cyclops, Polifemo. Maciste steps in to rescue a young heir from the beast.

Yet another Italian He-Man movie that crushes itself under its own weight and squandered potential. Possibly the lackluster presentation is due to the handicapped direction of Antonio Leonviola, the "specialist" behind such endearingly awful films such as MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES (1961), TAUR, THE MIGHTY (1963) and THOR & THE AMAZON WOMEN (1963). Gordon Mitchell's first interpretation of an ancient strongman hero is naive in execution and would thankfully end here. Mitchell, while vastly more impressive as an antagonist, appears totally out of place as the hero. He would rectify this with an amazing performance in THE FURY OF ACHILLES (1962) and would perfect the sinister bad guy laugh that became part and peplum parcel in this genre. The action scenes are poor, although Mitchell is anxious to get in their and rough everybody up. The stunt crew appear shy or scared of him. This is also one of many times Gordon Mitchell is billed as 'Mitchell Gordon'. Aside from an impressive showing by a flesh eating giant cyclops, there's a scant few sequences that arouse interest. Speaking of arousal, Cuban moneymaker shaker, Chelo Alonso plays the stock evil queen who ends up falling for granite faced Maciste.

5. MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES 1961 aka MACISTE, L'UOMO PIU' FORTE DEL MONDO (MACISTE, THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD)

Directed by Antonio Leonviola

THE PLOT! Maciste and his sidekick enter the lair of the mole men and the Queen that rules them. There they turn a massive wheel that seems to operate a bunch of conveyor belts with an unexplained function. Eventually, they mastermind an uprising to free the slaves of the mole men and their Queen.

Mark Forest puts his head in the dirt starring in this beyond ridiculous, though moderately entertaining fluff wherein Ma-cheese-ta and his equally 'roided out black companion do battle with the "mole men", a race of shoddily made up albino skinny guys decked out in white feathers and bed sheets. I defy any viewer to look at these flamboyantly dressed, bizarro villains and not raise an eyebrow and say "Are you serious?" Moira Orfei (as the evil Queen whose name sounds like somebody talking with their mouth full of food) escapes with her dignity intact. She lords over the malcontent mole men and keeps that old peplum stand by, a shaggy gorilla, locked up in a cage which ends up butting heads with Maciste when little else is happening onscreen. Spaghetti Western cult favorite, Gianni (WAR OF THE TROJANS) Garko, who went on to play magician gunslinger Sartana and the even more gimmicky Holy Ghost plays one of the head mole men. The mole men must have had some measure of cult appeal in Europe as they would return in an entertaining sub plot in the lively, late blooming gladiator serio-comedy, SEVEN REBEL GLADIATORS (1965). Watch that one instead. It's intentionally funny and far more entertaining.

6. FIRE MONSTERS AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES 1962 aka MACISTE CONTRO I MOSTRI (MACISTE & THE MONSTERS)

Directed by Guido Malatesta

THE PLOT! Maciste, that worldy, super heroic Italian traveler, finds himself in prehistoric times right in the middle of a war between the Sun and Moon tribes. The Moon men revel in that old peplum standby, the virgin sacrifice; these women being the members of the Sun tribe. Clean shaven Ma-cheese-ta lends a hand in between bouts with assorted lizard monsters.

This bone headed, stone age grunt-and-groaner stars Mae West protege and former Mr. America, Reg Lewis. Looking like he stepped out of a modern day BEACH PARTY movie with his slicked back, rockabilly hairstyle, Maciste battles various neolithic adversaries and several reptilian monsters. This riotously bad caveman era example in prehistoric filmmaking loses more points by making the pouty allure of Margaret Lee terribly unattractive. It's inadvertently funnier than CAVEMAN (1980), though. Lewis had minor roles in the star studded DON'T MAKE WAVES (1967) and fleetingly in the unintentionally hilarious Mae West flick, SEXTETTE (1978). Lewis's brief film career has largely been forgotten, but his years as a professional bodybuilder maintains a following. Note the accompanying poster lists Alan Steel among the credits although he is nowhere to be found here. Not only that, but he's top billed over the real star of the show and his name is spelled wrong as Red Lewis!

7. VULCAN, GOD OF FIRE 1962 aka VULCANO, FIGLIO DI GIOVE

Directed by Emimmo Salvi

THE PLOT! Vulcan is a blacksmith at Mt. Olympus. The lovely, sex hungry Venus vies for his affection, but he isn't interested. He prefers the even more bodacious form of the mortal frame of Bella Cortez. As in the real world, Venus can't take rejection and a lot of subterfuge, jealousy, pony riding midgets, guys in lousy monster costumes and bad optical effects ensue.

Seldom do movies get much more torturously awful than this one and this list here is a veritable maelstrom of mediocrity. This Olympian sized bowel movement won't relieve you of the upset stomach you'll receive enduring the high school level of set design that passes for Mt. Olympus, nor the atrocious costumes and action scenes. But bad movie aficionados will get well more than their money's worth here. This is arguably the single worst movie on this list, but is likely the most "enjoyable" for its overwhelming level of rancidness. This one is highly unusual as it deals predominantly with the gods and their battle, and or banishment over the lovely Venus. Two beefy contestants on the ancient Grecian version of Love Connection duke it out with fists and bad optical effects to make Venus the love slave of one lucky winner. In between that is a surprisingly thick air of subterfuge and treachery and some hilariously ridiculous looking "monsters". There's also a lot of midget action here. The little guy even gets a pony this time! Rod Flash(?), a moniker better suited for a porn star, took the stage name of Richard Lloyd by the following year. Under that name, he co-starred with box office poison, Kirk Morris in the goof-tacular HERCULES, SAMSON & ULYSSES (1963) released here in 1965. Roger Browne co-stars and Gordon Mitchell is on hand to look sinister and laugh a lot. Bella Cortez is the real showstopper here in an unusually sexy dance number giving La Caliente Cubana Chelo Alonso a run for her tamales.

8. COLOSSUS & THE HEADHUNTERS 1963 aka THE FURY OF THE HEADHUNTERS aka MACISTE CONTRO I CACCIATORI DI TESTE (MACISTE AGAINST THE HEADHUNTERS)

Directed by Guido Malatesta

THE PLOT! Maciste and some shipwreck survivors end up on an island ruled by a clan of headhunters and the remnants of the Urias tribe who are terrorized by them. Maciste must endure paper mache sets and bad dancing when not engaged in lame battles with the neolithic noggin removers.

This is one of the worst movies on this list and one of the funniest. Guido Malatesta apparently thought he hadn't done enough damage with the comedic frivolity of MACISTE & THE MONSTERS (there's stock footage here from that film briefly showing Reg Lewis carrying off a cavegirl during a volcanic eruption). He returns to deliver double damage with his second Ma-cheese-sta adventure in this no budget clunker that stars one of the genres least emotive, least interesting "actors"--Kirk Morris, alias Adriano Bellini. The offscreen decapitations and one fellows face pushed into a fire pit can't prepare you for the belly buster that is the absolute worst dancing girl sequence ever captured on film. You get that plus Kirk Morris pretending to look strained by hurling and knocking over balsa wood objects. These are the only times he ever shows any emotional response is when he contorts his facial muscles. If one could win an award for that, he'd be in the running. Seeing Morris in the lead role, it's pretty much a safe bet the movie is going to be either lousy, or one helluva rib-tickler. This film is both. You can read the review HERE.

9. SAMSON & THE SEA BEASTS 1963/1964 aka SANSONE CONTRO I PIRATI (SAMSON AGAINST THE PIRATES)

Directed by Tanio Boccia

THE PLOT! Murad the pirate raids the Antilles sinking ships and stealing their resources as well as kidnapping women to sell as slaves. One of his female captives manages to escape to seek the help of Samson, who also happens to be sailing the high seas.

More brawn and brainless shenanigans with Kirk Morris leading the high seas pack in one of numerous cross pollinations of strongman movies with pirate swashbucklers. Tanio Boccia's movie fails at both but at least there's the fetching Margaret Lee to look at--her eyes and full lip smirk doing far more to maintain viewer interest than any of the half baked hero theatrics of Morris. The one "feat of strength" sequence is exciting for the first few minutes, but then it keeps going and going...Morris the Mighty also tangles with an immobile, plush alligator. HERCULES & THE BLACK PIRATE (1964) is much more successful at buckling swashes and He-Man bravado. Your tolerance for bad movies will weigh heavily on whether or not you wish to salvage the booty from this sinking ship. Tanio Boccia also guided the bland, but handsome Morris in the mildly entertaining TRIUMPH OF MACISTE (1961) aka TRIUMPH OF THE SON OF HERCULES. You can read the review for SAMSON & THE SEA BEASTS HERE.

10. HERCULES AGAINST MOLOCH 1963 aka THE CONQUEST OF MYCENAE

Directed by Giorgio Ferroni

THE PLOT! The cruel city of Mycenae is lorded over by a vicious and disfigured ruler thought to be the living embodiment of the god Moloch. Oppressing the surrounding provinces, Moloch and the Mycenians force tributes in the form of sacrifices to satisfy his bloodlust.

While it's terribly difficult putting a Gordon Scott peplum movie on a 'Worst Of' list, this one is arguably the single most disappointing movie he did during his tenure in Italian genre cinema. The lack of action hinders the film, but the abundance of court intrigue also fails to be an adequate substitute. Scott does his best with this material and his charisma makes this at least watchable. However, during the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA style cave/dungeon sequences, there's a Bavian air about them even if these scant few scenes merely tease the audience with some bonafide horror thrills. Rosalba Neri plays the evil queen and cult favorite Arturo Dominici is the equally evil Penthius, leader of the Mycenian forces. The lovely Alessandro Panara offers some added distraction. Despite having the director of both the intriguing MILL OF THE STONE WOMEN (1960) and the classic epic THE TROJAN HORSE (1961) at the helm, this Giorgio Ferroni flick fails as a Sword & Sandal adventure tinted with horror movie overtones.

11. THOR & THE AMAZON WOMEN 1963 aka LE GLADIATRICI (LADY GLADIATORS)

Directed by Antonio Leonviola

THE PLOT! It's a battle of the sexes as Thor and his sidekick Ubaratutu Barada Nikto attempt to overthrow Queen Nera and her army of amazons beneath some Yugoslavian caverns.

The typical throne usurping plot is used here again, only now there's no recognizable actors or actresses to make this sexist tedium of even mild interest. You will however recognize stock footage of Maciste battling the caged gorilla from Leonviola's MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES. The women are attractive and this is yet another battling bitches flick akin to the similarly titled and much more enjoyable COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN (1960). In a change of pace, the evil queen is a black woman. Thor isn't even in this mess all that much and shows what a wimp he is when he's introduced. He's attacked by a group of Nera's amazons and with a slingshot, Thor is sent tumbling over a cliff. He spends the next thirty minutes (it seems like 30 minutes) or so in a cave being nursed back to health by his newfound friend, Ubaratutu. However, Ubaratutu (what the hell kind of a name is that?) is later captured and becomes the love slave of Queen Tera...until such time as she grows weary of him. This is a perpetually stupid movie rife with cheap sets, bad acting and even worse dialog. The action scenes (yeah, right) are horrible and the women have this ridiculous "battle cry" that sounds like the word "Elk" being shouted several times. The limp duels to the death even manage to make impalements and painful sword stabbings boring. There were a number of these ancient times/barbarian age women's lib movies and most others are far better than this one. For a more tolerable Italian variant, check out Brescia's (What? Brescia made a "good" movie?) BATTLE OF THE AMAZONS from 1974 or the wackiest example of all, Ou Yang Chun's COUNTRY OF BEAUTIES from 1984.

12. HERCULES, PRISONER OF EVIL 1964 aka URSUS, IL TERRORE DI KIRGHISI (URSUS, THE TERROR OF THE KIRGHIZ)

Directed by Antonio Margheriti

THE PLOT! A wicked sorceress turns men into werewolves with a magical potion and sets them against a rival tribe of traveling gypsies. Hercules is among them and must fight against the witch and keep from becoming a monster himself.

This woefully disappointing misanthropic movie with a Lycanthropic slant from Antonio Margheriti (with assist from Ruggero Deodato) possesses a pulpy storyline with an incredible amount of potential, but fails miserably to realize any of it. This adventure/horror non event has a beardless Reg Park essaying Ursus, another Euro hero creation that began with URSUS (1961) starring Ed Fury. Of the five he starred in, Reg Park's first two fusto films were highly enjoyable, well made productions. From there, Park lost his footing and stumbled clumsily down the great Olympian staircase--the three films after being progressively worse. The "werewolves" here look more like muscular guys with a bad skin condition than the typical Lycanthrope. The spotty patches of hair (they couldn't afford a full hairy suit at least?) appear and disappear from one scene to the next. Think WEREWOLF WOMAN from 1976 and you'll have some idea of what to expect here. This is all the more disappointing in that Margheriti was behind it. Bad movie buffs will likely find a lot to make them howl here, but genre fans will want to pack some silver and wolf bane if tempted to indulge in a viewing of this mons-turd movie.

13. TRIUMPH OF HERCULES 1964 aka IL TRIONFO DI ERCOLE aka HERCULES VERSUS THE GIANT WARRIORS

Directed by Alberto De Martino

THE PLOT! The king is assassinated by his nephew and an evil sorceress. Hercules is asked to aid in eradicating yet another throne usurper, but must also battle the beautiful witch's seven golden automatons. But what's Herc to do when Zeus takes his strength away after going insane in the membrane prior to destroying a small village over a woman?

This movie might be bad, but it's an awful lot of fun. Dan Vadis was one of the most agile and acrobatic of the slew of muscleman movie actors that flexed their pecs in European adventure movies in the 1960s. His debut in the Mark Forest gladiator picture, COLOSSUS OF THE ARENA (1962) no doubt opened a few producers eyes with his role as one of the main villains. For this Alberto De Martino Hercules beef jerky, the movie really shows you where its brain is during the opening few minutes when Hercules attempts to save his friend from quicksand. Instead of throwing the poor man a rope, Hercules decides to toss it over a tree limb and swing like a monkey back and forth across the pit while the fellow sinks further and further into the muck while screaming for help! Still, the picture does manage to weave in some of the actual Hercules mythology into its script and a fair number of cliffhanger moments. There's also the mesmerizing Moira Orfei as the evil sorceress, Piero Lulli as a good guy, an army of bronze automatons and the lovely Marilu Tolo in much distress.

14. SAMSON & HIS MIGHTY CHALLENGE 1964 aka ERCOLE, SANSONE, MACISTE E URSUS GLI INVINCIBILI (HERCULES, SAMSON, MACISTE & URSUS THE INVINCIBLE)

Directed by Giorgio Capitani

THE PLOT! Plot? What plot?

How could a film with such a title be so childishly atrocious? This peplum parody is anything but funny. Alan Steel (Sergio Ciani) is Hercules, Howard Ross (Renato Rossini) tackles the role of Maciste and two unknowns essay Samson and Ursus. That's four times the grunts and four times the groans--sadly, those are coming from the audience watching this wretched mess. However, the stunning Helene Chanel (as an oracle in a skimpy outfit) and the bewitching Moira Orfei (as Samson's wife) are the best special effects in this no budget intentional comedy with an unintentional lack of laughs. This mix and match mythological mayhem rallies all the major movie characters and does little with them aside from weak THREE STOOGES interplay that would be adopted by a handful of westerns till Enzo Barboni took such shenanigans to new levels. Only one gag is genuinely funny (a jealous Delilah cutting a promiscuous Samson's hair) and there's absolutely zero plot. Livio Lorenzon plays a late entry villain and that lovable and very busy midget, Arnaldo Fabrizio also has a supporting role.

15. SAMSON IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES 1964 aka MACISTE NELLE MINIERE DI RE SALOMONE (MACISTE IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES)

Directed by Piero Regnoli

THE PLOT! Maciste, now living in Africa, must save the people of Zimba from the vicious Queen Fazira who has enslaved the populace forcing them to dig gold from the fabled King Solomon's Mines.

By 1964 the legs of the genre were getting wobbly and especially tired considering how often the same story was being told. Now, the scriptwriters were scouring the globe for exotic locales. This time the setting is Africa and yet again we're dealing with another throne usurper, only this time, it's a conspiracy between a military legionnaire and a battling vixen that leads a tribe of barbarians. Maciste doesn't even enter the film till 30 minutes into the flick. It's not explained (at least in the English dubbed version), but that globetrotting people's champion, Maciste has been living with a passive African tribe. Shooting in Africa no doubt pleased Reg Park considering he made Johannesburg his home. This movie isn't horrible by any means, it's just that Reg Park, who was so energetic in his first two fusto movies, appears to be under a spell here and not the one Fazira puts him under with her magical ankle bracelet. Park had a massive physique and gets ample opportunities to flex his pecs and toss heavy things around, but by this point, he seems thoroughly disinterested; not only that, but the script gives him little to do aside from moving, carrying, tossing the required enormous objects. He barely gets any dialog, too, in what amounts to the peplum version of a Hammer Dracula movie. This is more Dan Harrison's movie than Park's. Wandisa Guida as the barbarian Queen Fazira comes off as far more interesting. When you're an evil Queen in a muscleman movie, two things are going to happen--you're gonna fall for the hunky hero and be dead by the end. Guida's Fazira is one of the most memorable bitches in the whole genre. She commands a slew of tortures such as whippings, impalements, the rack and a gruesome fate for Eleonora Bianchi. This one is worth watching, just that Dan Harrison usurps the movie away from Reg Park.

16. HERCULES AGAINST THE SONS OF THE SUN 1964 aka ERCOLE CONTRO I FIGLI DEL SOLE

Directed by Osvaldo Civirani

THE PLOT! Hercules washes ashore in South America and helps the Incas topple an evil ruler who sacrifices victims to the sun god, Viracocha.

Arguably the sole highlight of this slowly paced Italian adventure is seeing future mega star, Giuliano Gemma dressed up (or barely dressed depending on your point of view) in Incan garb alongside Mark Forest. Yes, it's throne usurping and gods galore as Hercules is washed ashore in South America after a shipwreck. Gemma is prince Mytha who quickly befriends Hercules and asks his help in rescuing his captured sister. Whereas Forest mingled with albinos decked out in white, fluffy feathered outfits for MACISTE AGAINST THE MOLE MEN (1961), he finds himself siding with tanned tribes of Incas decked out in multi-colored, extra feathered attire in this one. Hercules, like his frequently title altered cinematic colleague Maciste, was apparently a worldly individual who was likewise exposed to numerous fashion statements in global cultures. While the costumes are diverse, this is the same old Sword & Sandal tropes just with the traditional Rome locales swapped with South American ones. The direction and action is fairly static so there's really nothing to make it stand out. By 1965, Gemma was a household name after starring in a series of Euro westerns like ADIOS, GRINGO (1965) and the box office hits A PISTOL FOR RINGO (1965) and its loose sequel RETURN OF RINGO (1966). It's also interesting to note how the advertising for this movie advertised Gemma as the main star in some territories.

17. SINBAD AGAINST THE SEVEN SARACENS 1964 aka ALI BABA & THE SEVEN SARACENS aka SINBAD CONTRO I SETTE SARACENI

Directed by Emimmo Salvi

THE PLOT! More throne theft ensues as a seemingly teenaged Sinbad attempts to bring down a maniacally cackling bad guy named Omar played by Gordon Mitchell. Gorgeous women and midget action also included. Plot is not.

Emimmo Salvi, one of the most reliable directors of bad movies, dabbled in Sword & Sandal cinema with a few quick flicks like the indescribably bad VULCAN, SON OF JOVE aka VULCAN, GOD OF FIRE (1962). One of his other pulpy pieces of pap include this low grade, kindergarten level adventure movie. The reasons to watch are for Gordon Mitchell as the lead bad guy and the bosomy Bella Cortez, a Cuban hot tamale modeled on the undeniably sexy charms and physique of the irreplaceable Chelo Alonso. This is an unusually stupid movie that manages to be terribly entertaining in the most childish fashion even managing to showcase what has to be the weakest big screen Sinbad of all time (even though Patrick Wayne made a concentrated effort to take the title in SINBAD & THE EYE OF THE TIGER from 1977). The set design, while cheap, is vibrantly colorful. Salvi would also direct some lower tier westerns and would apparently forget he wasn't in Rome anymore as his oaters resembled his pitiful attempts at mythological movies in tone and plot devices. As for this particular picture, it's a SIN that it's this BAD.

18. THE MAGNIFICENT GLADIATOR 1965 aka IL MAGNIFICO GLADIATORE

Directed by Alfonso Brescia

THE PLOT! Attalus is captured by Roman soldiers and becomes the people's hero battling within the gladiatorial arena and also gains favor with the emperor. Attalus falls in love with the emperor's daughter, but a jealous suitor orchestrates a plot to get rid of both Attalus and the emperor. Much court intrigue and stock footage ensues.

At the bottom of the barrel and nowhere to go, this obscure last gasp of the genre features Mark Forest in his last sword and sandal role. What's so peplumatic about this movie is the over abundance of stock footage from another Forest flick, the superior THE TERROR OF ROME AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES. This (mis)use of recycled scenes works in the films favor in that much of the principal cast from TERROR OF ROME are on hand for the new footage seen here. A bizarre, 'booga booga' jazz style score is terribly out of place. When it came to pocket change for a budget, Alfonso Brescia could be counted on to turn in a torturous stew of cinematic junk. There's nothing any genre fan hasn't seen before and if you've seen TERROR OF ROME, than you've already seen a huge chunk of THE MAGNIFICENT GLADIATOR. What's left isn't worth traveling to ancient Greece over.

19. HERCULES, THE AVENGER 1965 aka LA SFIDA DEI GIGANTE (DEFIANCE OF THE GIANTS)

Directed by Maurizio Lucidi

THE PLOT! Hercules must save his son after Gia, the Earth Goddess steals his soul. While Herc is in the Cenerean Marsh to rescue him, Gia sends her own evil offspring, Antius, masquerading as Hercules, to enslave, torture and kill the people of Syracuse.

Just like in the ancient myth, Hercules had lost his strength by 1965. That is clearly in evidence in this limp Reg Park feature. Giovanni Cianfriglia (as Antius) at least got a couple lead roles after appearing in this dreck. The entertaining opulence of HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD and HERCULES & THE CAPTIVE WOMEN is on hand here, but only in a strong-arm full of stock footage that sticks out like a sore thumb amidst the desolate cave settings of the original footage. Watch one of those two instead. The plot is unusually good here, but unfortunately, it's hindered amidst all the stock footage that's employed from the result of what must have been a miniscule budget. The brutality level is high, though, such as animal violence (a chariot chase involving a pride of lions ends with one of the beasts being fatally speared) and assorted misogyny including a woman tortured by being suspended by her hair. With so much recycled footage, this Hercu-sleaze was a last gasp that signaled the death knell for the genre.

20. KINDAR, THE INVULNERABLE 1965 aka KINDAR IL INVULNERABILE

Directed by Osvaldo Civirani

THE PLOT! An ancient prophecy foretells of an invincible man born of lightning who will one day save the people of Euthor. Only a fabled red rose can harm him. Kidnapped by a marauding bandit at birth, Kindar grows up to learn the truth of his family and the fate of his home village.

KINDAR, THE UNBEARABLE is a more apt title. Even with an intriguing superhero storyline, this clumsy Mark Forest flick comes to you from the director of the tepid HERCULES AGAINST THE SONS OF THE SUN (1964) and the action scenes, particularly those that take place on horseback, are even more lazily accomplished. Mimmo Palmara consumes what scenery there is among the desert locations and Rosalba Neri provides some added eye candy as the scheming villains. The few decent ones appear to be undercranked. The late blooming peplum actor, Renato Rossini has a throwaway role here as Kindar's brother, but he's almost unrecognizable without facial hair of any kind. The filmmakers have transposed the usual fusto trappings to the sand swept dunes of the desert, but the script quickly becomes dehydrated whenever the lackluster action is onscreen. For a far better Forest film, check out MACISTE IN THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS (1961) or GOLIATH & THE SINS OF BABYLON (1963).

***ALL IMAGES: GOOGLE IMAGES***

Shaw Brothers Spy Thrillers, Capers & Crime Pictures Part 3

2012-01-25T23:15:00.000-08:00

SHANGHAI KILLERS & REBELS WITHOUT CAUSE

Like the Italian crime pictures that exploded in the 1970s, Hong Kong eventually bred their own similarly gritty interpretations of the seedier side of life in what was once a British colony. This style of film would eventually transform into something more grim and hideous as the decade wore on and entered the 1980s and beyond. Just as the Italian variants were most often ripped straight from newspaper headlines, so too were the Chinese crime pictures. Interestingly enough, the Asian versions were more like morality plays oftentimes ending with a voice-over warning the viewer of the dangers of resorting to unlawful activities. HK crime was a mixed bag at the start of the decade. Some of these films were bloody post revolution martial arts actioners woven around a crime film template (THE DUEL) while others were modern variants with a heavy slant towards a fist and kick brutality (THE DELINQUENT, THE ANGRY GUEST). Then there were a few that heralded the decade prior with a playful sense of escapism, adventure and suspense (THE LIZARD, THE LADY PROFESSIONAL).

While many of these later detective/crime thrillers were serious affairs dealing with all too real societal problems, there was a cross pollination of styles that crept in at the dawn of the 1970s just as the previous decades sort of quaint, "old fashioned" style of picture had all but vanished. Kung Fu and Karate style martial arts had become the new rage by this point having usurped swordplay for the next few years as the dominant force at the box office. The typical crime plots were recycled to make room for some flying fists and feet and the settings were sometimes transposed to post Revolution China. Chang Cheh turned criminality into award winning, and or box office gold with such films as VENGEANCE! (1970) and THE DUEL (1971) to name two. Those latter two gangster/revenge pictures solidified 'The Iron Triangle' (director Cheh and his two biggest discoveries, David Chiang
and Ti Lung) as a dominant force with ticket buyers in a modern setting as well as a period one. BOXER FROM SHANTUNG (1972) was an exceptional and massive box office success that made Chen Kuan Tai (who played the real life Ma Yung Chen) an overnight sensation and also paved the way for an onslaught of Shanghai gangster pictures. As with his swordplays, Cheh's post revolution action-crime-dramas had a heavier accent towards spectacularly gory action set pieces which were bolstered by moments of melodramatic bravado. Cheh had dabbled in slightly less violent crime pictures with the experimental fluff that was THE SINGING THIEF (1969) and the more rebellious redo that was THE SINGING KILLER in 1971. For more on Chang Cheh's Youth Rebellion-Delinquent movies, click HERE.

His double act of Chiang and Lung also tried their hand at directing modern day crime and youth rebellion in several films including YOUNG LOVERS ON FLYING WHEELS (1974) and THE DRUG ADDICTS (1974), but few of these were successful, at least in HK theaters. Cheh would also tackle the dangers of drug use in the fan favorite, THE CHINATOWN KID in 1977; a revamping of his earlier BOXER FROM SHANTUNG. If not for some clumsy sequences, this could have been a serious look at both the upper and lower class dichotomy in relation to public perception of the haves and have nots. The subject of addiction and the perils at the top of successes ladder is broached, but lost amidst a flurry of bloody confrontations between rival gangs. But early in the 1970s, the subject of crime would get deadly serious with some 'Blood & Concrete' productions that would reflect the chaos on the streets of Hong Kong. However, before the grim reality set in, there were some hybrids that offered some nice escapist entertainment in the interim.

THE CHINESE ZORRO MEETS THE CANTO KID

Some of these even had a bit of comedy thrown into the mix to occasionally lighten things up. Chu Yuan's 1972 picture, THE LIZARD (which began production as THE NIGHT STALKER) was one such movie. Ostensibly an action film, the crime conventions are in abundance here ably embodied by Lo Lieh as the unscrupulous and corrupt Chief Constable Chen Kan who secretly runs gambling dens and slavery rings. Yueh Hua is the title 'Lizard', a Robin Hood/Zorro type character who steals from wealthy foreign dignitaries and fights against the oppression of his Chinese countrymen from foreign invaders including those dreaded Japanese. This film was essentially a more modern take on the 1967 movie SWEET IS REVENGE in which Yueh played basically the same character. THE LIZARD brought with it a greater pedigree, though. This was both cinema darling Connie Chen Po Chu's return and farewell to the movie world and the film attracted an enormous amount of publicity not the least of which was Bruce Lee's visit to the Shaw studio. Connie had been away in America for school studies the two years prior so her return to Hong Kong was highly publicized attracting hundreds of fans who were frantic to get a look at the popular actress. The film itself was one of Shaw's most highly touted pictures. After completing THE LIZARD, Connie returned to San Francisco to finish her studies. Watching this film alongside some of the other more grim movies that were coming down the pike, THE LIZARD seems more like a throwback to the adventurous capers that prospered during the latter part of the 1960s.

Lo Lieh could possibly be described as the John Carradine of Asian cinema. The man seemed to appear in just about anything whether in a major or a supporting role. He starred in many of Asia's biggest films during the 1960s and 70s as well as a rice factory's worth of dreck. Lo was a rare actor in that he was given the opportunity to headline a handful of international productions. Granted, some of these were pretty juvenile such as THE THREE SUPERMEN AGAINST THE ORIENT (1974) co-starring Shih Szu. Lo's most upscale of these pictures would have to be THE STRANGER AND THE GUNFIGHTER also from 1974. Shot on location in Spain, this picture had Lo sharing the screen with Lee Van Cleef. Originally, Lo was to have been among the cast in the HK-Germany co-pro VIRGINS OF THE SEVEN SEAS (1974), but for whatever reason, he was replaced along with some other performers including Chen Ping. From Indonesia, Lo Lieh joined Shaw's in the early 60s and was steadily groomed for leading man status. Arguably his biggest break came in 1972 with the film KING BOXER, a movie that, ironically, broke records everywhere but in Hong Kong. From here on out, Lo's career was dotted with far more villain roles than Heroic Ones.

His turn as the evil Priest White Brows in EXECUTIONERS FROM SHAOLIN (1976) reinvigorated his career as well as jump-started a legion of movies featuring white haired villains. He did relatively few crime pictures, but he starred in one of the most financially successful ones of the 1970s--KIDNAP (1974) from director Cheng Kang. Lo also featured in one of the better segments of the anthology hit THE CRIMINALS (1976) and also as a guileful gambler in Sun Chung's THE NOTORIOUS EIGHT (1981). In early 1976, Lo married Grace Tang, his second wife. By this point in his career, Lo Lieh had come a long way and was living a comfortable life. He was also allowed to freelance for other companies as well as satisfy his desire to direct. His most accomplished effort would arguably be CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS from 1979. He also directed the ridiculously insane Hong Kong horror that is BLACK MAGIC WITH BUDDHA (1983) starring a seemingly embarrassed Chen Kuan Tai.

While some may label THE LIZARD as a kung fu movie, it has a bit more going on in its storyline devoid of the typical revenge scenario that would be the most oft used plot device for literally hundreds of those movies a few years down the road. It's a fairly light-hearted romp, but is slightly uncomfortable with a bit of gratuitous nudity and a modestly bloody and decidedly serious finale. It also carries with it some political subtext; not quite as blatantly in your face as many of the far left wing extremism found in numerous Italian westerns and crime films, but it's there hidden beneath the action sequences. Yueh Hua tackles one of his best roles as a stuttering policeman by day and the erudite Lizard thief by night. Connie Chen puts her dancing skills to good use here and looks surprisingly adept in her action scenes. Chu Yuan would soon find himself as the eminent filmmaker of wuxia productions towards the end of the decade, but some of his early Shaw work is of interest in how different it is from what he would be doing a few years later. One of these earlier pictures was yet another post revolution dramatic feature. This one is a little more blatant with its socio-political machinations and western influences. It's also distinguished by being extremely rare as it was never made available on DVD nor on the ZiiEagle Movie Box. It's about a reputable family that crumbles under the weight of wealth and power leading to violence, banditry and tragedy.

"ONE AN OFFICIAL...THE OTHER A BANDIT..."

This other cross over production from Chu Yuan that melded action, crime and drama was the extremely rare and brutal THE VILLAINS (1973). The plot revolves around two brothers, one played by Yueh Hua and the other played by Chen Hung Lieh. This picture leans more heavily towards the drama and westernized conventions with its strong familial turmoil and political underpinnings involving the upper class and the calamity that ensues from blind faith and monetary power. It has the feeling of an Eastern Western in some respects such as the inclusion of some bank robberies and shoot outs. Like Cheh's IRON BODYGUARD (1973) from the same year, THE VILLAINS is a tense drama accentuated by scenes of action. Fang Zheng (Yueh Hua) awaits the arrival of his cousin Lin Hsiao Hong (Shih Szu) by train. Fang's father takes an immediate dislike to Lin since she is the daughter of his enemy. It is quickly revealed that Fang Zheng's brother, Fang Feng is a rabid gambler and ruffian who uses his family's stature as a means to run roughshod over anyone he so chooses. The elder Fang even favors his youngest over the more mature older son because a fortuneteller let it be known that Fang Feng would become established in the future. The stubborn patriarch also has a high position in the province that even supersedes the magistrate, so this young wild card has free reign to wreak havoc. Both the older Fang and Lin start to fall in love, but he's forced to leave home when his father becomes convinced he is out for his money. With Fang gone, his brother rapes Lin and she becomes pregnant. Lin is viciously beaten by Fang's father upon this news and refuses to believe his son is responsible.

Chu Yuan goes over a scene with Chen Hung Lieh

After a series of mounting crimes that culminates in murder, Fang Feng is unable to avoid being branded a bandit. He gathers his friends and they embark on a crime spree. Meanwhile, Fang Zheng has become a police commissioner and is assigned to bring his brother in dead or alive. This leads to an exciting gun battle with Fang's gang trapped inside a raggedy shack while hundreds of armed soldiers surround them. It should be noted that Chen Hung Lieh plays possibly the most despicable character on his long resume of villains and Yueh Hua is exceptional as the lead hero. There's no kung fu fight between either brother during the closing moments, but their final confrontation is incredibly poignant bringing this 81 minute feature to a satisfying end. Easily one of Chu Yuan's best and most unusual movies, the western sensibilities are hammered home with very good usage of Morricone themes particularly 'Jill's Theme' from the classic ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (1968) and even the main theme music for the American soap opera AS THE WORLD TURNS! It's a true shame this film remains unavailable on DVD.

Yueh Hua (Liang Le-hua) was quite the leading man at Shaw Brothers studio accruing a substantial list of fine performances during his time there. A graduate of Shaw's Southern Film Training School, he was schoolmates with colleagues Lo Lieh and baby queen Li Ching. Gifted with charisma and true thespian skills, he has acted in some of the company's most prestigious movies. He appeared quite often with Cheng Pei Pei first in LOVERS' ROCK in 1964 prior to garnering a co-starring credit in COME DRINK WITH ME in 1966 which put him on the road to stardom in swordplay cinema. During this time he also starred in Ho Meng Hua's classic fantasy THE MONKEY GOES WEST also in 1966. From there, Yueh began appearing in a steady stream of swordplay epics such as the hugely successful THE TWELVE GOLD MEDALLIONS (1970) from Cheng Kang, THE LONG CHASE (1971) by Ho Meng Hua and PURSUIT (1972) again from Cheng Kang. Yueh Hua also was among the massive cast in Chang Cheh's THE WATER MARGIN and again for Cheng Kang in the equally enormous THE 14 AMAZONS (both 1972). Among his numerous wuxia epics was at least one unfinished production. That aborted film was THE DRINKING KNIGHT, a movie that went through two directors and a recasting. For more information on this films troubled production, click HERE.

As the 70s wore on, Yueh appeared in movies of a more gritty and exploitational vintage including crime pictures such as the elusive PAYMENT IN BLOOD (1973) from Kuei Chi Hung and the melodramatic crime film THE BIG HOLD-UP (1975) from Chu Yuan. He also co-starred in the trashy revenge thriller THE SEXY KILLER (1976) and its more action packed sequel, THE LADY EXTERMINATOR (1977) both helmed by Sun Chung. He was supposed to have made his debut as a villain in the latter movie, but apparently a last minute script change did away with that decision. Despite his debonaire disposition, Yueh carried the mantle of Shaw sleaze king with such films as the co-productions VIRGINS OF THE SEVEN SEAS (1974) and the horrendous AMAZONS & SUPERMEN (1975). He also starred in a string of erotic movies including titles such as ILLICIT DESIRE (1973), THAT'S ADULTERY! (1975) and the unavailable on disc WEDDING NIGHTS (1976), all of which were for the much respected Li Han Hsiang. Like some other of Shaw's talent pool, Yueh Hua was loaned out to independent companies to do films for them. Coincidentally, many of these were eventually distributed by Shaw Brothers such as THE DREAM SWORD (1979) and SIX DIRECTIONS OF BOXING (1980). One of his funniest roles is a cameo in MONKEY FIST, FLOATING SNAKE (1979) wherein he plays this supposed supreme kung fu master. Everywhere he walks, he has his own theme music. In between all of these roles, Yueh married Shaw actress Tanny Tien Ni in 1975 and the two remain a happy couple to this day.

IRON ANGEL AND THE LADY ASSASSIN

As already discussed in parts ONE and TWO, women played an intrinsic part in Asian cinema. Not just in martial arts pictures, but also in the spy capers and suspense movies. Sometimes projected as damsels in distress and other times as sex kittens with sharp claws, the tough girl persona was in thin supply in 70s HK crime movies. While they still headlined assorted kung fu and swordplay epics, the roles of women in gritty crime thrillers was mostly relegated to victim status. There were a few exceptions. While Chen Ping dominated the decade as the Queen of Exploitation, Shih Szu made a brief transition to tough girl status with her own DIRTY HARRY vehicle, the Shaw production of THE WARRANT (1973). The plot of this rare film is about a determined policewoman who must protect a small child from an escaped convict. The film was promoted within Shaw's movie publications such as Southern Screen (see images above), yet was among numerous titles that weren't announced as part of Celestial's restorations nor did the title show up within the ZiiEagle Movie Box which contained close to 70 additional titles not released to DVD. The film is available on VHS within fan circles, however. While this was Shih Szu's one shining moment as a tough lead in a modern setting (that we know about), she later portrayed a terrorized victim in the first segment of Shaw's seedy, and increasingly sleazy CRIMINALS series.

Shih Szu (real name Lei Chiu-shih) joined Shaw Brothers in mid 1969 at age 16. The youngest of a batch of eleven aspiring Taiwanese actors and actresses (Wang Ping was among the group), she was proficient in dancing with ballet being a specialty; just like her contemporary, Cheng Pei pei before her. Shih Szu would put these skills to good use in a steady string of swordplay extravaganzas such as THE LADY HERMIT (1971), its loose sequel THE BLACK TAVERN (1972) and the gory THE RESCUE from 1971. She also made the transition to post revolution fist and feet films like THE THUNDERBOLT FIST (1972) and THE CHAMPION (1973), which also goes by the name of SHANGHAI LIL & THE SUNLUCK KID. Shih Szu also joined both Lo Lieh and David Chiang on the international circuit with both SUPERMEN AGAINST THE ORIENT and LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES (both 1974) respectively. Curiously, she's the one major female player at Shaw's that wasn't featured in Cheng Kang's sprawling epic, THE 14 AMAZONS (1972). By 1975, her roles as a fighting tigress at Shaw Brothers were seemingly non existent, but she did obtain some martial arts parts in some independent films towards the close of her career. Her last major fighting role in a Shaw Brothers movie was the troubled production of THE FLYING GUILLOTINE 2 (1978), a film that began under the direction of Cheng Kang, and was taken over by Hua Shan among other problems. Click the link above for the complete rundown. Aside from the new to the screen Shih Szu, there was another starlet who maintained her star power during the first quarter of the 1970s.

Lily Ho, who was one of Shaw's biggest stars the previous decade, was still a viable commodity in the 1970s. The leggy actress is never spoken of in the same breadth as some of the other female action stars like her colleague Cheng Pei pei, but she was just as varied in her roles when it came to swordplay and modern action films. Her 1971 secret agent/revenge thriller THE LADY PROFESSIONAL was a curious movie that seems slightly out of place amidst the action films coming out in Hong Kong during this time. It's a co-directed effort between Matsuo Akinori (Mai Chi Ho) and up and coming director Kuei Chi Hung. Lily stars as a hitwoman who is hired for a job only for her employers to attempt to snuff her out afterward. The obligatory revenge scenario takes over in what is an occasionally stylish thriller with a few touches that are indigenous to Japanese action movies of the day. Lily Ho's striking black leather outfits recall the FEMALE CONVICT SCORPION movies that would appear the following year. Some of the villains seen here also have a Japanese flavor about them such as a knife throwing acrobat and two bodybuilding killers (one of which is played by Bolo Yeung aka Yang Tze). Lily's character has a nifty gadget with which to kill her targets and the opening roller coaster sequence and the gory, over the top construction yard scenes are highlights. There's also a car chase that's pretty intense and well photographed to boot.

Flyer advertising THE LADY PROFESSIONAL at a theater near you!

Next for this beautiful actress was a peculiar mix of swordplay, sex and sleaze with Chu Yuan's groundbreaking INTIMATE CONFESSIONS OF A CHINESE COURTESAN (1972). The lesbianism, while tame by today's standards, was taboo breaking in Hong Kong at the time. Sexual situations were a touchy area where censorship was concerned in certain Asian territories. This film, while a swordplay feature, also contained a heavy crime style backstory. A woman is abducted and sold into prostitution to a vicious, yet sex starved madam along with her numerous wealthy and wholly sadistic and perverted clientele. It's one of the earliest forms of a rape-revenge movie, but draped in wuxia trappings. After this hit, Lily Ho remained a top draw. She did appear in two more post revolution era crime-drama-combat movies--THE CASINO (1972) and RIVER OF FURY (1973) both for director Chang Tseng Chai, but these relegated her to supporting status and not quite the fighting femme fatale of her other pictures. She rather abruptly quit the film business in 1974 to concentrate on raising a family. She is undoubtedly an unsung heroine of Hong Kong cinema's vast heritage.

THE FIVE KINGS OF CRIME 1

Directors of THE 14 AMAZONS--Cheng Kang (far right) and Tong Shao Yung (far left)

Throughout the 1970s, there were five major directors at Shaw Brothers making modern day crime thrillers--Cheng Kang, Kuei Chi Hung and award winning director Chang Tseng Chai were at the front lines. Hua Shan and Mou Tun fei were the other two, but their time wouldn't come till late in the decade. Cheng Kang was a diminutive, yet well respected writer-director who came to prominence after helming the mega hit TWELVE GOLD MEDALLIONS (1970). After that swordplay smash, Cheng took two years shooting the big budget THE 14 AMAZONS (1972). He was well known for taking an extremely long time both writing and shooting his movies which would often go over schedule and budget. The reward was worth it more times than not and Shaw's didn't seem to mind allowing him the extra time and money.

Immediately after completing the massive and expensive Amazon epic, Cheng Kang began working on his first modern day crime picture. Reportedly inspired by an incident that occurred early in the 1960s by a group of gangsters known as 'The Three Wolves', the crime involved the kidnapping and subsequent murder of a wealthy Chinese businessman. The ambitious film this was to be based on was entitled KIDNAP (1974). In it, a disgruntled gas station attendant named Lung Wei (Lo Lieh) and three greedy accomplices decide to kidnap Lung's wealthy young boss, Lo Pen-li, after he humiliates him in front of a gold-digging girl he so desperately wanted to impress. Capturing the young braggart, the nervous and bumbling criminals nearly allow Lo to escape. He's killed with a shovel to his skull and the group decide to carry on with the ransom anyway. So they cut off the corpses ear and send it to his father demanding $500,000. The young man's dad ends up getting kidnapped in the exchange and our four cretins get a little more smarter in how to carry out this new job. The ransom is upped to 3 million for the return of the old man. Eventually he's released and they get 1 million instead, but things get even more complicated for our less than honorable crooks. Their greed gets the best of them and they are ultimately all captured after one of them blabbers to the police for a lighter sentence. Condemned to death, the last half of the film is a volcanic eruption of melodrama of the highest tear-jerking order. It's a powerful coda, well shot and edited, but it piles on the gloomy repentance to such a degree, the final minutes take on this dream-like quality bordering on avant garde.

The sadness we feel for these characters--mostly their families that are left behind--is somewhat over-
whelming even though they've committed barbarous crimes and are generally seedy individuals. Lo Lieh's character is especially pitiable. Some of them do have strong, respectable familial ties and one wonders just where it all went wrong. During the last thirty minutes or so, we get to learn more about 'The Three Wolves', our intrepid and quite greedy kidnappers. Cheng Kang wrote the screenplay and showcases his penchant for creating sympathetic characters despite the misery they have wrought. Society nonetheless breeds violence and frequently spits up what we give it. Even if we are all born with our minds to think and make decisions, not everybody has the strength and power of will to do the right thing. Greed and jealousy are powerful tools that, if you're not careful, you'll easily smash your fingers, or outright lose them. Ultimately, we can't blame society, but blame the person--if they are of sound mind and body--for they are the ones responsible for their actions. It is still disheartening to see these men beg, plead and ultimately regret for all they've done and the hurt they've brought to their loved ones. This is one of the directors most accomplished and poignant works and one that was rewarded with a tidy box office profit. It's also quite possibly the best example of HK's cinematic crimewave during the 70s. Cheng Kang's movie, while opening and ending with a moralistic voice-over, essentially preaches the very simplistic and long standing message that in the end, 'Crime Doesn't Pay'. For the men in KIDNAP (1974) and in many other similar movies, the perpetrators never learn till it's too late.

While the story of KIDNAP may have been based on a much earlier crime, comparisons can be drawn to a more recent incident that occurred on October 2nd, 1971. Four criminals attempted to kidnap Run Run Shaw's son, Harold Shaw, near his home in Singapore. Like a scene from one of their movies, a struggle ensued and Shaw was shot in the hand, but managed to escape his captors and call the police. Amazingly, three days later the greedy thugs phoned Harold's older brother, Vee Meng and demanded what was referred to as a "token ransom". A meeting place was set at the Shangri La Hotel for the exchange only instead of a member of Shaw's family, it was an undercover policeman that showed up. When the stupefied crook realized it was a trap, a scuffle resulted in the criminal being shot only to die after being taken to the hospital. The dead man was identified as belonging to a local underground gang. Harold Shaw quickly left Singapore with his family for the apparent safer climate of Hong Kong. As early as the 1970s, the Triad organizations were seeping into the film industry and would reach a critical level by the 1990s. Kidnappings, death threats and murders would become alarmingly commonplace with victims nowhere near as lucky as Harold Shaw was in this attempt in 1971. From here on out, the HK silver screen would become a dark reflection of the the squalor and despondence the cold, cruel streets would spit up.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Cool Ass Cinema Book Reviews: Vintage Comedy Edition!

2012-01-23T22:11:00.000-08:00

THE MARX BROTHERS ENCYCLOPEDIA

By Glenn Mitchell

Softcover; 309 pages (not counting Appendix); B/W

editions: 1996, 2011 (revised and expanded edition released January 2012)

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."--Groucho Marx

Since their early days on stage through their time in film, the Marx Brothers have entertained audiences with their unique brand of comedy. While Groucho and his hilarious and controversial sexual innuendos (the legend surrounding the infamous cigar line from Groucho's 'You Bet Your Life' is here, too) will be forever remembered by the mass majority, the comic timing of the brothers four (Gummo Marx, the least known of the group, was replaced by Zeppo when he joined the military) led to years of successful shows on both the vaudevillian stage and on Broadway. From there, the popularity of the Marx clan grew and spread into a successful series of movies including favorites like ANIMAL CRACKERS (1930) and A NIGHT AT THE OPERA (1935). Mitchell's book explores and uncovers every aspect of the Marx Brothers universe from stage to screen. This being an encyclopedia, you wouldn't expect anything less than a comprehensive guide to the subject.

Filled with an expansive array of extremely rare and vintage photographs of the brothers and their many shows and films, these images run the gamut of behind the scenes stills, posters, advertisements and other assorted promotional paraphernalia. Anyone with the slightest interest in the early days of comedy, comedians and their place in cinema history, should find this encyclopedia intriguing. Everything from the Marxe's themselves to their biggest hits to their unrealized productions and every bit of trivia (such as an hilarious story involving Shirley Temple) that can be mustered is packed within these 300 plus pages. The original edition from 1996 was 256 pages. This revised and updated volume is extended by 53 pages not counting an Appendix listing a slew of bibliographical sources. Truly a vastly informative tome, this is a must for Marx fans and any lover of vintage comedy performers and their lasting contributions to show business.

You can order this book from amazon by clicking HERE.

You can visit the Titan Books website by clicking HERE.

Final Destination 5 (2011) review

2012-01-23T18:46:00.001-08:00

FINAL DESTINATION 5 2011

Nicholas D'Agosto (Sam Lawton), Emma Bell (Molly), Miles Fisher (Peter), Ellen Wroe (Candice), Jacqueline MacInnes Wood (Olivia), P.J. Byrne (Isaac), Arlen Escarpeta (Nathan), David Koechner (Dennis), Tony Todd (William Bludworth), Courtney B. Vance (Jim Block)

Directed by Steven Quale

The Short Version: Death stalks a group of young people who have escaped its clutches in this 3D fifth go round in the popular pseudo slasher franchise. The equivalent of the FRIDAY THE 13TH series, each film begins with a spectacularly gruesome set piece, people die, the rules are laid down, more people die, gory irony at the end. Repeat. Thankfully, this fifth film abandons the thick air of black comedy embraced by the previous movie and manages to toss in an original idea or two. Aside from a great suspension bridge sequence and a nifty ending that ties in with FD1, this is little more than the same old song and (death) dance.

A group of paper plant co-workers on their way to a weekend retreat manage to escape a disastrous suspension bridge collapse that claims close to 90 lives. The eight survivors ultimately incur the wrath of death which comes to claim them in the order in which they were supposed to have died.

Just as FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980) thrilled audiences in the 80s with the same exact story over and over again, so does the FINAL DESTINATION series repeat the same old song and dance. And just like that iconic series, the only thing the FD films really have going for them are the spectacular death sequences. They've even aped the FRIDAY films with an entry that purported to be "THE" FINAL DESTINATION. This fifth entry tries to change things up slightly by introducing at least one new idea and the fact that it's a prequel is a novel approach. The lack of any interesting characters does little but make one pine for the occasionally elaborate demises.

Nicolas D'Agosto does fine with what he's given and his character emits some slight nuances for his character that makes him the most compelling of the bunch. Still, one doesn't watch one of these movies for acting, although it would make them more harrowing if we cared more about the people put in harms way. I don't recall having seen Miles Fisher before, but he bears an uncanny resemblance to Tom Cruise. In a bit of 'Risky Business', his character is the one new curve-ball the scriptwriters introduce. While it's an instance of creative characterization, this section of the film kind of slows everything to a crawl. Horror favorite Tony Todd (CANDYMAN series) returns as the creepy William Bludworth who acts as some sort of emissary of death.

For the first ten minutes, I briefly forgot I was watching a FINAL DESTINATION movie as there was nothing going on that resembled anything outside the realm of a teenage drama series. The acting is as static as it was in previous entries, but once our doomed motley clutch of dead-folk-in-the-making reach the bridge, the film momentarily hits its stride. Once this elaborate sequence is passed, though, the film gets a lethal injection till a miracle occurs and the whole thing comes back from the dead for an inventive finale that reveals what we're watching is actually a prequel. Everything we've seen fatefully and shockingly tie into those events of the very first movie.

The bread and butter of this series are its scenes of carnage. An FD film lives or dies (haha) by its creative kills. The scenes of human obliteration seen here alternate between ghoulish ingenuity and an apparent dry well of ideas. After the gymnast meets her doom, the remaining deaths are somewhat average by comparison. The eyeball spot is cringe-inducing, but the tumbling out the window feels like a cop out.

The massage parlor death is even less inspired culminating in a splattery moment that reveals the victim to have a head seemingly made out of clay. All or most of the deaths are enhanced by computer graphics and the CGI ranges from astonishingly accomplished to crude. It seems an exercise in futility to create CGI blood that looks real, yet filmmakers continue to utilize it no doubt because it can be done much quicker than setting up explosive squibs.

The bridge sequence that occurs near the beginning is one of the best the series has yet delivered. While it's spectacular to watch, the suspense is dulled by the fact that--despite this sequence being a premonition--we know virtually nothing about these people prior to watching them die in exaggerated methods of dispatch. With so much creativity going into this sequence, it makes the actual deaths of the characters all the more disappointing in that they rarely match up to the excess of the suspension bridge calamity. This is likely to become the bane of this franchise should it continue; it will be increasingly difficult to come up with elaborate set pieces considering all that has come before each succeeding entry.

These films also show death to have a dementedly wicked sense of humor. In the original (and briefly in the first sequel) the John Denver song 'Rocky Mountain High' heralds death's arrival. The cruel reality is that Denver died in a plane crash in 1997. In FINAL DESTINATION, the passengers of flight 180 are killed in a mid air plane explosion. For this new entry, the song 'Dust In the Wind' by Kansas foreshadows death knockin' at your door. If you liked the others in this series, it's a safe bet to risk a rental on this one. Probably best seen in 3D, Death's Fifth is far better than the last entry and it thankfully avoids the goofiness that loomed large over that film. Part two remains my favorite, but fans of this series will be completely satisfied with this sequel.

This review is representative of the Warner Brothers/New Line DVD

Shaw Brothers Spy Thrillers, Capers & Crime Pictures Part 2

2012-01-18T21:59:00.000-08:00

TRENDS, TURMOIL & SHAKE-UP AT SHAW

While the spy themed movies ran their course rather quickly, adventure movies and suspense thrillers molded in the likeness of Hitchcock took their place. Some of these movies did borrow elements from the more fancifully outlandish Bond styled actioners. Unfortunately, a fair number of these peculiar pictures are still unavailable and it's up in the air as to if some of them even still exist (however, a handful of the titles shown here are housed within the Celestial ZiiEagle Movie Box). The year 1969 was both a busy and tumultuous time for the Shaw Brothers studio. The House That Shaw Built was growing at a rapid rate and the production slate was likewise increasing reaching an unprecedented 40 to 50 films made in a single year as the 1970s began.

Ling Yun and Yu Hui are menaced by the bad guys in the suspense action thriller HELLGATE (1970)

It wasn't all roses, though, as the studio would lose some of their biggest talent both in front of, and behind the camera over the next several years. Some of these disgruntled employees would take a temporary leave (Li Han Hsiang, Joseph Kuo) and others would never return (Wang Yu, Chang Yi, Jenny Hu). Shaw would also lose one of his chief executives in Raymond Chow who would make his exit in 1970 and start his own production company, Golden Harvest that same year. These were major, almost crippling set backs, yet the studio continued to sign talent that showed lots of promise, or had proven their mettle elsewhere before finding a home at the then largest privately owned film studio in the world. Prior to the dawn of the new decade, the Shaw's were still the best ticket in town and continued their monopoly on the industry with the biggest stable of stars and best filmmakers throughout Asia.

With the homegrown Bond craze having died down in Hong Kong, a number of movies were also in production that were derivative of the bygone days of the classic cliffhangers and adventure programmers such as SWEET IS REVENGE from 1967. In it, Yueh Hua plays "The Masked Bandit", a Robin Hood styled superhero that raids the riches of a local military commander who's keeping the surrounding villagers in squalor. Yueh Hua would play essentially the same role in Chu Yuan's THE LIZARD in 1972.

THIEVES, WIVES, MURDERERS & THEIR LOVERS

Even more intriguing were the productions that were reminiscent of the works of Alfred Hitchcock such as his TO CATCH A THIEF (1955), NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959) and TORN CURTAIN (1966) being some examples. Considering how much the Shaw Brothers admired and modeled their films on old Hollywood pictures, a batch of movies patterned after the 'Master of the MacGuffin' was a no-brainer. Shaw Brothers had done these types of films before, but the year of '69 was full of them.

Check out Wang Hsieh playing a leading man and clean shaven!

One of the earliest was POISON ROSE in 1966. In it, Julie Yeh Feng is the title villainess, the head of a narcotics smuggling ring. The police are unable to catch her, but knowing her lustful craving for men, a good looking detective goes undercover to capture her. The plot device of having a female as the lead villain would also crop up in several of the Chinese spy movies including the upcoming ANGEL WITH THE IRON FISTS (1967). This film would also have a curious choice for the lead protagonist considering this actor was more commonly seen in martial arts pictures as a slimy bad guy.

Wang sports a Zatoichi type sword in this photo

Wang Hsieh (or Wang Hsia) is an actor many kung fu and wuxia fans will recognize from numerous swordplay and kung fu movies. Wang was most often cast as the antagonist in the bulk of his films, but early in his career he fleetingly was promoted as a leading man before his penchant for villainy took over. Yet another Taiwanese discovery, Wang also took leading, or supporting roles in several of Shaw's spy and suspense thrillers.

These included one of his very first leads in the aforementioned POISON ROSE (1966) and subsequent roles in films such as the Chinese western DOWNHILL THEY RIDE (1966), the semi-spy thriller THE BLACK FALCON (1967) and the murder yarns DEAR MURDERER (1969) and RAW PASSIONS (1969). DEAR MURDERER was one of Wang's rare turns as a good guy. In it, he plays a detective attempting to bring the character played by comedy actor, Peter Chen Ho to justice after he's murdered his pregnant girlfriend in order to marry another woman belonging to a wealthy family. Wang Hsieh also starred in at least two Korean co-productions such as NAKED LOVE (1970) and THE BANDITS (1971).

The latter title was an action adventure tale while the former was a modern day gangster thriller about two professional killers--one played by Wang Hsieh and the other by Korean leading man, Shen Yung-chun--who are involved in smuggling diamonds from Hong Kong to Korea. Shaw actress, Fang Ying is the young woman who comes between them. The plot would be refurbished numerous times over and from here on out, Wang Hsieh would rarely be seen onscreen without his beard and goatee, a look that enhanced his villain roles. NAKED LOVE was also one of the very last roles of Fang Ying, who also starred in pictures like the action thriller ASIA-POL (1967), the lively serial fashioned GUN BROTHERS (1968) and the seedy DIARY OF A LADY KILLER (1969).

DIARY OF A LADY KILLER is another nicely mounted Chinese production enhanced by the guidance of a Japanese filmmaker. Set in both Hong Kong and Japan, it's about a man named Zhou who suffers from a sex addiction. Since his fiance doesn't believe in bonding before marriage, Zhou embarks on a string of sexcapades with a variety of beautiful women then writing about his dalliances in his diary; hence the title. When his betrothed decides to look in on him, she discovers what he's been up to. Meanwhile, the bodies of his conquests begin piling up. The films title is a bit deceptive, yet it does have a double meaning. The opening credits promise an artistically erotic experience, yet the film isn't quite as exploitative as it could be. It nonetheless is a nifty little diversion from the Shaw norm.

Shirley Huang photo promoting DIARY OF A LADY KILLER

DIARY is a unique production for a variety of reasons. There's a literal parade of stunning Shaw beauties on display here including Fang Ying, Shirley Huang (see photo above), Fanny Fan (who has a nude shower scene with Chin Han), Tina Ti Na and Margaret Tu Chuan. You'll even spy Sir Run Run Shaw's mistress, Mona Fong singing in a nightclub! It was one of the last non action roles for Chin Han before he would appear predominantly in swordplay and fist and kick flicks. It was also the last HK production for Japanese director Koh Nakahira who shot four films for Shaw Studio. On a sour note, it was also the last film for the seriously troubled award winning actress Margaret Tu Chuan who, along with her female lover, committed suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills a few months after this movie hit theaters in November of 1969.

Promotional spread for the modestly dark humored musical GUESS WHO KILLED MY TWELVE LOVERS?

While Chin Han played a possible psycho in LADY KILLER, he also played a victim of sorts in the failed murder mystery comedy, GUESS WHO KILLED MY TWELVE LOVERS? (1969). This pedestrian, mostly awful comedy-musical about a mysterious woman who has allegedly killed a dozen men and may make Chin Han number 13 was the last Shaw picture for mega starlet Jenny Hu. She plays herself here and while it isn't a complete failure, the only other point of interest would be to see Dean Shek pretending to play guitar. Jenny quit Shaw's in April of 1970 and after taking a six month break, returned to the screen in the independent suspense thriller, SECRET OF MY MILLIONAIRE SISTER (1971). TWELVE LOVERS director Wu Chia Hsiang was better off leaving this sort of material for the far more adept Inoue Umetsugu.

Proficient in shooting both musicals and action pictures, the versatile Umetsugu tried his hand at a murder mystery with haunted house overtones with 1969s superior THE 5 BILLION DOLLAR LEGACY. It was the only such film he did at Shaw Brothers, which is a shame as it's an engaging picture with some stunning photography, gorgeous Japanese locations and a bit of gratuitous nudity thrown into the mix. The convoluted plot concerns three young girls who receive letters stating their father has left them a vast inheritance, but they must come to Japan to get it. Murder, intrigue, "ghosts" and numerous instances of subterfuge ensue. Kuei Chi Hung was an assistant director on this production and some of his later works have moments that are reminiscent of this picture.

The photo at bottom features the director and his cast discussing the movie

One of the most ambitious and high profile of these murder mysteries premiered towards the end of 1969. It starred one of Shaw's brightest talents as well as one of their biggest box office draws. It was also heavily ballyhooed for the Shaw Studio acquisition of a big name talent previously known to appear exclusively in extreme left wing film circles.

Top: Kao Yuen and Ivy Ling Po; Bottom right: Wang Hsieh and Meng Li in bed together

Kao Yuen, a former communist, was already a well known actor having been in films for 14 years prior to joining Shaw Brothers. Upon signing with Hong Kong's then reigning film production company, Kao was teamed up with mega starlet Ivy Ling Po in the thriller RAW PASSIONS (1969). The film is about a seductive dancer who has a second job blackmailing her admirers. These include Mr. Lin (Kao Yuen), who happens to be married. When the belly dancer (played by Meng Li) attempts to extort a large sum of money from Lin, she's mysteriously murdered, but which one of her "victims" is responsible?

This was the first film for the award winning Ivy after a year long hiatus that resulted from a disagreement with the Shaw Brothers. This was also her first starring role in a thriller. She was known primarily for Huang Mei operas and dramatic features such as THE LOVE ETERNE in which she played the male lead. As mentioned in part one, it wasn't uncommon for women to portray male roles in Chinese cinema till this preference was altered towards the end of the 1960s. Ling Po was one of Asian cinemas biggest, best loved and most spectacular screen performers with a list of amazing titles on her impressive resume.

Ivy did eventually leave Shaw's for the more free climate of the independent circuit with her actor husband, and former Shaw leading man Chin Han. It should be noted that Ivy was once engaged to star Paul Chang Chung, the star of the Bondian adventures THE GOLDEN BUDDHA (1966) and OPERATION LIPSTICK (1967) (among others). Incidentally, all three were under contract at Shaw's at the time. Making headlines at the time, Ivy abruptly broke off her engagement with Paul and quickly married Chin. Fans will recall him as the eldest brother in Chang Cheh's classic THE HEROIC ONES (1970) as well as the star of THE CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS (1971) and Chu Yuan's sought after THE KILLER also from 1971.

Kao Yuen upon his arrival at the Shaw Brothers Studio

Meanwhile, Ivy's co-star, Kao Yuen, dabbled for a time in swordplay films (like Lo Wei's BROTHERS FIVE and THE GOLDEN SWORD) before he, too, left Shaw's for Taiwan in 1971. There, he would be reunited with RAW PASSIONS director, the renowned Lo Chen for his first independent swordplay feature, THE CRAZY KILLER (1971).

Promotional spread for A CAUSE TO KILL (1970)

While shooting RAW PASSIONS, Ivy was also working on another murder thriller entitled A CAUSE TO KILL (1970). She shared the screen with another big ticket actress, the lovely Chiao Chiao. The plot concerns a love triangle between a wealthy businessman (played by SUSANNA's Kwan Shan), his gold-digging wife (Ivy Ling Po) and his mistress played by Chiao. When the well-to-do entrepreneur is framed for murder, his mistress attempts to prove his innocence while the scheming wife plans to make sure nothing stands between her and her husbands millions.

Chiao Chiao became a starlet almost by accident. She wasn't picked out of a group of hopefuls from Shaw's training academy, she was offered a contract after coming to HK to be with her then husband, Shaw contract player Huang Chung Shun. Her strong role as the wife of the ONE ARMED SWORDSMAN (1967) kept her popular among the wuxia crowd and even led to a few lead fighting female roles like THE BLACK BUTTERFLY (1968) and the ghoulishly titled HEADS FOR SALE (1970). You can see her alongside Ling Yun in the highly enjoyable GUN BROTHERS (1968) and the missing in action DARK RENDEZVOUS (1969).

Ling Yun in GUN BROTHERS (1968)

Ling Yun was a major star at Shaw Brothers and he was popular with audiences for a good many years. He did relatively few of these types of pictures, but he had a striking face that served him well. He got his start in numerous hit dramas before segueing into action movies and swordplay pictures. One of his best films is the aforementioned GUN BROTHERS co-directed by Wu Chia Hsiang and Cheng Kang.

Angela Yu Chien and Ling Yun about to be in a compromising situation in DARK RENDEZVOUS (1969)

Coming off as a throwback to the old 30s and 40s American serial programmers, the plot dealt with the tried and true formula of oppressed Chinese in the grip of Japanese warlords. The film, while very entertaining, fails to maintain the momentum of its rousing opening sequence. Ling Yun plays a dual role with one of them being a sort of Chinese Zorro/Robin Hood. Shaw's were particularly fond of this type of character as they would revisit it often, but alter the script to suit different time periods such as those seen in director Wu's SWEET IS REVENGE (1967) and Chu Yuan's THE LIZARD (1972).

Ling Yun has worked with many of the HK film industry's biggest and hottest female actresses. His heartthrob status was only reinforced when sharing the screen with the likes of Jenny Hu, Lily Ho, Angela Yu Chien and Tina Chin Fei to name but a few. He would have made a great James Bond. He came pretty close to that type of character with the unreleased to DVD obscurity HELLGATE from 1970.

ONE OF OUR MOVIES IS MISSING

Ling Yun is menaced by the villainous Betty Ting Pei in HELLGATE

HELLGATE (1970) is yet another rare and seemingly exciting detective suspense thriller and another Shaw title unfortunately unaccounted for on DVD or any viewing format. Directed by Mu Shih-chieh (real name Murayama Mitsuo), this film stars dramatic leading actor Ling Yun as a news reporter who stumbles upon an injured man who hands him a brief case. Requesting he deliver the contents to his daughter, it's discovered the dying man is a scientist who has created a formula for a new type of rocket fuel. Hidden inside a pen, a criminal organization led by sex siren Betty Ting Pei is also after this formula.

This lady wrestling sequence was being pushed as a highlight of HELLGATE, an action picture packed with talented names and potential stars.

In what would seem to be the filmmakers attempt at adding an air of almost carnival level of wackiness, this thriller also features a sequence of lady wrestling for additional entertainment value. This was apparently one of the first, if not the first time this sort of sporting event was presented onscreen in a HK production. The adorable Shen Yi, singing sensation, Agnes Chen's equally talented sister Irene Chen I-ling and musclebound Kao Ming also feature in this rare movie from the director of 1969s equally elusive DARK RENDEZVOUS (also starring Ling Yun) and A CAUSE TO KILL (1970).

Shen Yi was one of the 'Delectable Dozen' chosen from Shaw's Southern Drama Group in 1965 along with others like Jenny Hu and Tina Chin Fei. Shen first showed her stunning looks onscreen in PRINCESS IRON FAN (1966), the first sequel to THE MONKEY GOES WEST (1965). She also played the main villain in ANGEL STRIKES AGAIN (1968) and got to play one of the lead swordswomen in SWORDSWOMEN THREE (1970). That film saw her, Essie Lin Chia and Pan Yin Tze take on Lo Lieh in an average, but bloody swordplay adventure. She also featured in HELLGATE (1970) with Ling Yun and would also exit the Shaw studio that same year.

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BETTY TING PEI

As so many of Shaw's gorgeous ladies were steadily vacating the studio, they were replacing them just as fast. One of these new actresses would become one of Hong Kong's most infamous women in the film industry. Formerly a star at Central Motion Picture Corporation under the name of Tang Mei-li, Betty Ting Pei joined Shaw Brothers in 1968. An accomplished go-go dancer, she put her moves to good use in a string of popular Inoue Umetsugu pictures such as THE SINGING ESCORT, THE MILLIONAIRE CHASE (both 1969) and Umetsugu's last Shaw film, THE YELLOW MUFFLER (1972). Her sex appeal soon extended to action pictures and erotic thrillers.

This two page spread shows the original director of STRANGER IN HONG KONG, Lin Fang-kang shooting scenes at an airport.

STRANGER IN HONG KONG (1972) began production in mid 1971 and was one of the studios most highly touted action thrillers at the time. It was the first Shaw film from Italian trained filmmaker, Lin Fang-kang. Apparently dissatisfied with his progress, the Shaw's dismissed Lin from the picture and replaced him with Kuei Chi Hung who was also busy shooting THE GOURD FAIRY (1972). While it remains unseen (unless you have the ZiiEagle box) and among the many titles not announced for a DVD release, the plot revolves around a man named Chang Shan who arrives in HK with his family only to be told that someone wants him dead. Not long after, a mysterious woman named Li Na (played by Betty Ting Pei sporting long hair) enters his life and soon, Chang's own life as well as that of his wife and child are in grave danger.

Ting Pei's exotic looks served her well in roles such as this. Her biggest claim to fame is being Bruce Lee's lover and being the last woman to see him alive. Lee was found dead in her apartment on July 20th, 1973. In 1975, Ting Pei responded to the massive controversy that surrounded her by both starring in and producing the exploitation level "true account" that was BRUCE LEE & I (1976). Danny Lee played Bruce (in what amounted to a secondary role) while Ting Pei took center stage in her bid to tell her side of the torrid true tale. With her film career and life mostly in shambles after this, she eventually retired from the movie world in the mid 1980s.

FIVE DEADLY WOMEN

Two page spread promoting the making of the prison action drama LONG ROAD TO FREEDOM (1970).

Inoue Umetsugu directed relatively few action films and his last of the genre was a 'Girls On A Mission' movie entitled LONG ROAD TO FREEDOM (1970). It started production with the much more colorful working title of FIVE PRETTY GANGSTERS ON THE LOOSE. Five female convicts escape prison and later enlist the aid of a policeman played by Chin Han to help clear their names as well as eradicate their enemies that put them there. This is yet another movie that was denied a DVD release and isn't included among the few dozen "lost" titles accounted for on Celestial's ZiiEagle box.

Pai Lu, where are you?

Umetsugu's unjustly obscure and unavailable movie is likely the first such instance of a film about a group of women fighters each possessing different backgrounds and specialties. The Five Deadly Women in the movie are Essie Lin Chia, Shirley Huang, Meng Chia, Ting Feng and Pai Lu (pictured above). Pai Lu is of particular interest. This luscious siren signed with Shaw Brothers in 1969 at 20 years of age. Her first film was HELLGATE (1970) starring Ling Yun, Ting Pei and a gaggle of other stars (why isn't THAT film on DVD?). Pai told reporters at the time that she had no problems going fully nude. With statements like that, it's astonishing she didn't become the 70s first 'Queen of Exploitation', a title proudly worn by Chen Ping and then briefly by Jenny Liang. Possibly realizing the film world had little prospects for her, Pai Lu seemed to disappear from the industry in 1972 after just six known films.

As the 60s came to an end, so did the look and feel of that decades movies. The 70s would bring with it a new breed of gritty thriller that would more often than not be taken from true accounts of various murders and kidnappings. Kung Fu movies would become vastly popular and the martial arts would also permeate dramatic features that had a little more to offer than lots of fighting sequences. But as the 70s wore on, modern day action and crime productions got increasingly more brutal and sadistically violent giving birth to a few incredibly talented directors with a dark and grim view of society around them.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Shaw Brothers Spy Thrillers, Capers & Crime Pictures Part 1

2012-01-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

FROM HONG KONG WITH LOVE

Hong Kong will likely forever be famous in the movie world for its literally thousands of martial arts movies that seemed to crop up every week most prominently between the 1960s through the 1980s. Kung Fu and Swordplay features might have been their chief cinematic export, but Hong Kong had actioners of another sort as well. What's interesting about this cycle of Asian cinema is how it changed between the latter part of the 1960s and on into the 1970s. This change didn't necessarily spring from audience disinterest, or the starting of a new trend, but drastic societal upheaval led to the fanciful, the fantastic and the Hitchcockian suspense thriller mutating into something far more visceral and disturbing during the early years of the 1970s.

Spread for OPERATION LIPSTICK (1967), a spy actioner about yet another criminal organization out to capture a reputable scientist and a secret microfilm.

This multi-part article will cover these oft overlooked and seldom discussed movies from the Shaw Brothers studio over the course of a twenty year period between 1965 and 1985, many of which are extremely rare and remain unseen outside of their original theatrical releases. Despite importing Korean and Japanese technicians to work on their movies (in addition to partaking in numerous co-productions), the Shaw Brothers patterned many of their ventures on old Hollywood studio pictures. Everything from their musicals to their 30s/40s serial style adventure films, there was much to admire in the art decor of a Shaw production. Most of these other types of pictures they made were seldom seen outside of Asian territories. The few that were released on Chinese videotape found homes among collectors till the bulk of Shaw's library was finally unleashed in the early 2000s on DVD.

Above and below: Some examples of gadgets in Shaw spy movies

When the James Bond craze hit with the release of DR. NO in 1962, the fad spread to Asia and Shaw Brothers capitalized on it with their own brand of spy thrillers all with varying results in quality. One thing that will be noticeably different between foreign imitations of the Bond series is that there are very little (if any) changes in locations. Despite the monetary clout the Shaw's had at their disposal (they were untouchable in Asia in terms of their resources as a filmmaking empire not to mention the honor of possessing the largest privately owned film studio in the world at one time), for the most part, these pictures never strayed outside of Asian locales. The spy films had grandly kitschy credits sequences that aped those seen in the Bonds, but also brought to mind Italian westerns with the same sounds of gunfire going off in the background.

The gadgets were ported over--albeit on a smaller scale--as were the suave and sexy leads and also a playful ludicrousness that was indigenous to Asian cinema. You had a bevy of disguises, bombs, guns, infrared sunglasses, hidden transmitters and other assorted gadgets, but nothing too extravagant. Some of these films are a good deal of fun, some are rather bland and others have a lot of potential if only a bit more care and time were put into them. For their time, these pictures are a lot of gaudy fun and sometimes had the audacity to surpass their budgetary constraints for the sake of entertainment.

THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL

While Chinese spy movies followed the blueprint laid down by the burgeoning Bond series (copied even more closely in Italy at the time), they differed in that they also had their fair share of female spies headlining several of these garish, heavily color saturated thrillers. The lead villains weren't always men, either. This showcasing of strong women of action was vastly different from anything being seen at the time in just about any part of the world. In America, the 1970s brought with it a lot of red hot sex symbols as 'B' action stars. In Asia, that sort of seductive feminine strength wasn't as sexually graphic as the less mannered examples that would erupt in the coming years overseas. Women took their clothes off in HK films during this time, only it wasn't the sole attraction. The ladies in modern Chinese action pictures were generally all business.

THE BRAIN STEALERS (1968)

Actresses like Lily Ho and Tina Chin Fei had their own starring vehicles playing feisty female fighters with a license to kill. Lily Ho headlined both ANGEL WITH THE IRON FISTS (1967) and its sequel ANGEL STRIKES AGAIN (1968). She also starred in the obscure and sought after THE BRAIN STEALERS (1968) as well as the more serious THE LADY PROFESSIONAL from 1971. HK cinema was the first to showcase strong female fighting roles whether in swordplay films (such as COME DRINK WITH ME [1966]) or in fist and kick flicks like THE CHAMPION from 1973. The casting and popularity of women in movies was the preference of moviegoers in Asia back in those days till scriptwriter turned director, Chang Cheh changed all that with the release of the groundbreaking THE ONE ARMED SWORDSMAN in 1967. This change didn't occur overnight, however. For a time, even when a film had a male lead, the credits would still top bill the female co-star or supporting role.

Lily Ho was particularly in high demand at the time. After appearing in a small capacity in Shaw's THE SHEPHERD GIRL (1964), she became a basic player in 1965 appearing in a couple of big ticket dramatic features before mixing it up in swordplay films. She pops up briefly at the end of the lackluster INTERPOL 009 (1967) to make Tang Ching's interminably horny agent swoon as she's boarding a plane. She was already in the process of headlining her own ambitious outing with ANGEL WITH THE IRON FISTS. Boasting a title card of "Shaw Brothers Proudly Presents", the film itself is entertaining if moderately disappointing due to a lack of action. There's lots of gadgets, secret lairs, death traps and occasional shoot outs and karate style tussles, but the bulk of the running time is mostly sneaking around and intrigue. The sequel upped the action considerably. Granted, this genre was represented best with MGM's James Bond series, but kudos to Shaw for branching out into a style of film not normally associated with Asian cinema and one that hasn't been explored to such a degree since.

Tina Chin Fei was another starlet who was popular with audiences during the late 1960s and into the early 70s. Along with Lily Ho, Tina was among a dozen lovely ladies picked from Shaw's Southern Drama Group in 1965 to grace movie screens across Asia. No sooner than she had been picked as a potential movie star, a Bangkok film company spotted her obvious physical talents. Shaw's temporarily loaned her out for the feature which no doubt made her an even more lucrative talent. Lily Ho is on a par with Tina in the spy game. Both co-starred together in the influential ANGEL WITH THE IRON FISTS (where Tina played the leader of the Dark Angels criminal organization) and both got their own star spy vehicles. However, Tina did a couple more secret agent movies such as the elusive KISS & KILL (1967) and the star packed OPERATION LIPSTICK (1967) starring Paul Chang Chung and Cheng Pei Pei. Tina's TEMPTRESS OF A THOUSAND FACES (1969) was a big breakthrough for her. Like Ling Yun in GUN BROTHERS (1968), Tina plays a dual role--one as the title Temptress super thief--and another role as the detective who becomes obsessed with finding her.

Also, if one Shaw actress deserved the crown of Sexy Spy Queen it's Tina Chin Fei. She was adept at playing both a heroine and a villainess topped off with sex kitten aura that permeates the screen whenever she's present. In one of her most well known pictures, the aforementioned semi-spy thriller TEMPTRESS OF A THOUSAND FACES (1969), Tina pushed some boundaries by performing a fight sequence in her underwear. While nude kung fu fights would crop up in later HK exploitation pictures like VIRGINS OF THE SEVEN SEAS (1974) and most graphically in NINJA THE FINAL DUEL (1984), Roger Corman did a similar sequence in both his Filipino lensed TNT JACKSON (1974) and the later FIRECRACKER (1981).

Behind the scenes on the set of THE BRAIN STEALERS (1968)

Unlike anglo territories at the time, Women had strong lead roles in HK action pictures that surely laid the groundwork for the later 'Girls With Guns' sub genre popularized in the mid 1980s. The short-lived Chinese spy craze of the late 1960s presented their women as tough and tender all at the same time; yet they were highly skilled fighters who would kill if they had to (or if they were paid to). Shaw Brothers were partial to exploitation elements in their movies and these films showed traces of them at times. Granted, the reigns were pulled in to a degree to maintain a level of respectability. By the time these types of action films died in Asia, they were replaced with more gritty, socio-political realism. But until then, women weren't necessarily the victims. They were the heroines as well as the villains that lead a diabolical crime syndicate, or some devious sex bomb with designs on the hero's death. One director at Shaw's was responsible for helming a few of the more memorable movies of the spy thriller canon. While he was evidently a commercial director, he nonetheless showed a good deal of flair while he was at the famed HK movie facility.

OF BUDDHAS AND BONDS: KISS & KILL ON CHINA'S SECRET SERVICE

Lo Wei (second from left) departs to Bangkok with cast from THE GOLDEN BUDDHA including lead star, Paul Chang Chung (far right)

Lo Wei, the director most famous for directing (or not directing) some of Bruce Lee's movies, was the guiding hand behind both the aforementioned ANGEL films that starred Lily Ho. So many of Lo Wei's directorial efforts are lifeless, static and devoid of interest. However, his work for Shaw Brothers are among the best on his resume and he apparently had a fondness for the Bondian style spy pictures. He directed four of them during his tenure at Shaw Brothers before heading for the pastures at Shaw's chief rival, Golden Harvest and finally with his own production company.

Spread promoting THE GOLDEN BUDDHA. Note the image at the lower right. That's director Lo Wei as the sunglasses wearing villain.

Lo's other spy films are the average THE GOLDEN BUDDHA (1966) starring Paul Chang Chung who was a popular actor at the time. He also headlined some other spy pictures and action thrillers such as KISS & KILL, OPERATION LIPSTICK and THE BLACK FALCON (all 1967). Compared with THE GOLDEN BUDDHA, SUMMONS TO DEATH (1967) starring leading man, Tang Ching is far more entertaining. Watching Lo's spy adventures, its clear he and his scriptwriter have paid a great deal of attention to the then wildly popular secret agent series that starred Sean Connery as agent 007. Even though these Asian variants were rarely comparable to their Anglo counterparts, Lo imbued his spy films with an overtly fantasy element that, while derivative, at least made for some semi engaging popcorn entertainment.

Tang Ching was a big star at the time and when the brief spy craze died down in HK, he effortlessly made the transition to swordplay epics. Prior to partaking in period pictures, though, Tang definitely showcased his charisma playing suave characters such as the spy in SUMMONS TO DEATH from 1967. This movie (which started filming as THE CHASE) is a great deal of fun and has a wild plot with elements--the search for two halves of a medal--that would be recycled for the kung fu genre several years later. There's pirates, buried treasure and numerous hardware including a house with all sorts of groovy gadgets like something out of one of those 'Homes of the Future' cartoons from Warner or MGM. This was yet another Lo Wei production. He shows a good deal of skill here and an ability to wring as much entertainment value as the budget and hectic shooting schedules of HK would allow at the time.

Promotional spread for the lackluster INTERPOL 009 (1967)

Tang also played the lead in the inferior fluff that was INTERPOL 009 (1967). This is the nadir of the Shaw spy cycle (of what is available to us) and is a bland tale of a secret agent and his bumbling comic relief attempting to bust a counterfeit money ring. Tang's character is the sort who will rush to answer a ringing phone only to grab the nearest bottle of brandy first. This nonsense is Bond-Lite for the most part and has a couple decent action sequences. The director Yang Shu-hsi (real name Koh Nakahira) was one of several Japanese imports brought over to help enhance Shaw's talent pool. Needless to say, this movie isn't one of their crowning achievements. Nakahira made four films for Shaw before returning to Japan. Three of them were remakes of his Nipponese resume including this film and the superior DIARY OF A LADY KILLER (1969). His last film for Shaw was the dramatic feature TRAPEZE GIRL starring Lo Lieh.

ASIA-POL from 1967 is another semi spy/secret agent adventure, this time starring mega star, Jimmy Wang Yu. This is a Shaw-Nikkatsu co-production with a very slick look. Directed by Matsuo Akinori, the picture deals with the Asian Secret Police Force. Wang Yu is one of the members attempting to bust a Japanese smuggling ring. Peppered with various Japanese stars (the Japanese cut features different scenes), this movie differs from the more over the top Shaw spy productions. For instance, the tone is far more serious. The villains, while far from flamboyant, enjoy blowing up their intended targets whether in cars or in buildings. The opening helicopter attack is well staged as are the other action sequences. Akinori directed one other Shaw film--THE LADY PROFESSIONAL--which came out in 1971 and starred Lily Ho.

From left to right: Shen Yi, Shu Pei-pei, Wang Yu, Lily Ho, Chiao Chuang, Ching Li

After a string of back to back hits, Wang Yu was also in high demand in the late 1960s. In January of 1968, he (along with Lily Ho and others) won the coveted Lai Sing Gold Cup for most popular actor in the Mandarin film world. It was his first time winning this award as was Lily's. Wang Yu's star would continue to rise as would his temperament which would lead to bad blood between he and his movie mogul employer. His last Shaw pictures were the action drama, MY SON (1970) and his directorial debut, THE CHINESE BOXER (1970). Wang Yu would break his contract, abruptly leaving the Shaw empire in early 1970 and would head to Taiwan to make films there.

This photo above gives you an idea at how the popularity of HK stars of the day was very similar to the adoration afforded stars in America.

Shaw Brothers attempted to sue him in March of 1970, but were unable to do so. From here on out, Wang Yu made it his mission to pepper his repertoire with cheap knock-offs of potential Shaw Brothers hits that were in production at the time, or make his own quickie version of a Shaw film currently enjoying popularity. In the interim, Wang Yu found time to co-star with Shintaro Katsu in the Japanese co-production, ZATOICHI MEETS THE ONE ARMED SWORDSMAN (1971), which no doubt infuriated Shaw even more. Failing to sue him in Japan, Shaw was finally successful in stopping Wang Yu from shooting movies or appearing on television in Hong Kong till January of 1973 when his contract at Shaw was set to expire.

Almost as soon as they had surfaced, the spy pictures were replaced by more adult oriented thrillers such as detective and murder mysteries. Some of these bordered on horror and others managed to import elements of the spy movies, but without the same degree of lovable gaudiness that made those films so memorable in ways both good and bad. Many of these detective thrillers owed as much to Hitchcock as the spy sub genre owed to James Bond. These suspensers ramped up the sexuality considerably branching off into adult territory for a couple of years before this type of film would morph yet again; this time into something far more visceral. This time period would also soon end the tenure between Shaw and Japan in relation to the importing of talent to aid in local productions.

CONTINUED IN PART 2....

Cool Ass Cinema Book Reviews: Sherlock Holmes Edition!

2012-01-15T18:17:00.001-08:00

SHERLOCK HOLMES ON SCREEN: THE COMPLETE FILM AND TV HISTORY

By Alan Barnes

Softcover; 320 pages; B/W

Printings: 2002, 2004, 2011

"The sheer breadth of coverage is staggering. Any fan of Holmes is going to get their money's worth and casual fans may find themselves becoming more dedicated disciples to the famous Bakers Street sleuth after reading this revised, updated and definitive book."

Sherlock Holmes has been around for over a century and in that time he's solved innumerable crimes, squared off against a variety of villains (including Baskervillian hounds, Fu Manchu and Jack the Ripper), battled a drug problem, been parodied and received a stature of super heroic proportions in recent years. For decades the adventures of this dignified eccentric bearing the ability to solve the most difficult of crimes with an uncanny sense of deduction has entertained readers and viewers all around the world. Barnes' book is undoubtedly the last word on the subject. Within these 320 pages, readers will find the full spectrum of Holmesian iconography as presented on the big and small screen.

Many big name stars have donned the famous deerstalker hat and capecoat including Basil Rathbone, John Cleese, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee among numerous others. Barnes' book goes to great lengths to deliver every aspect of these productions down to the most trivial pieces of minutiae and as many bits of behind the scenes information as can be allowed. They're all here from the very earliest of the silent film interpretations all the way up to the newest incarnation starring Robert Downey Jr. as well as the popular, award winning 2010 British series starring Benedict Cumberbatch. The numerous cartoons that featured the character are also included such as appearances on SCOOBY DOO, BRAVE STARR, THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS and even TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

Barnes obviously has great affection for the famous Victorian detective and this is glaringly apparent in every paragraph. Many rare stills, posters and other assorted photographic memorabilia accompanies the dozens of entries and Chronology that closes the book. For years now, the UK has proven time and time again to be the front-runner in the field of film reference publications and SHERLOCK HOLMES ON SCREEN is yet another exhaustive example. The sheer breadth of coverage is staggering. Any fan of Holmes is going to get their money's worth and casual fans may find themselves becoming more dedicated disciples to the famous Bakers Street sleuth after reading this revised, updated and definitive book. If the subject matter is of any interest to you, then solving the query of whether you should buy this book or not is "elementary", my dear reader.

This revised and updated edition comes out January 31st, 2012. It can be pre-ordered at amazon HERE.

The Devil Inside (2012) review

2012-01-08T22:42:00.000-08:00

All images: google images

THE DEVIL INSIDE 2012

Fernanda Andrade (Isabella Rossi), Simon Quarterman (Ben), Evan Helmuth (David), Suzan Crowley (Maria Rossi)

Directed by William Brent Bell

The Short Version: Just like THE LAST EXORCISM (2010) before it, this movie centers around demonic possession but lacks the rural setting of that moody little spooker. DEVIL has a wider reaching plot even if it never quite grasps its full potential settling on cheap scares bolstered by several shots of unsettling imagery and a couple of genuine shock moments. Beneath the surface, there's a plot hole or two and even some minor religious political rumblings. Saddled with a frustratingly abrupt ending, this picture will most likely be just as divisive as some of the other 'Found Footage' flicks among audience members. The feeling some folks get may not be THE DEVIL INSIDE, but instead an upset stomach for paying $10 to see a movie that would make a better dish served on DVD for the more demanding viewers.

In 1989, police uncover a gruesome crime scene after receiving a chilling 911 call. The bodies of three people--two clergymen and a nun--are found brutally mutilated at the hands of Maria Rossi, the owner of the house. Twenty years later, Rossi's daughter, Isabella wants to learn what became of her mother on that terrible night. Mysteriously relocated to a Rome mental facility, Isabella and her video-ographer, Michael, travel to Italy where they join up with two priests, Ben and David who secretly, and illegally, tackle the cases of demonic possession forsaken by the Church. Not long after a harrowing ordeal with the possessed mother, Ben discovers that not only is she possessed, but that her body hides four powerful spawn of hell.

This is yet another in an increasingly long chain of 'Found Footage' movies, or 'Mockumentaries' that are spreading like a contagion to both theaters and DVD players across the country. All the ingredients are here such as the title cards that profess this to be a true story and the ubiquitous documentary interview segments and shaky cam theatrics. One thing can be said of these kinds of pictures and that's they seemingly all can be counted on to have a downer ending. In some cases, said ending is jarringly abrupt. Both apply here and the latter is especially frustrating. With the budgets getting bigger, the plots getting thinner and the CGI getting more extravagantly lousy, audiences expect more and more from theatrically released movies these days. Taking that into consideration, THE DEVIL INSIDE will likely be a massive disappointment for many moviegoers.

However, despite a few plot holes and some telegraphed moments, Bell's movie has an expansive, far reaching storyline that's too ambitious for its meager 80+ minute running time. The talky stretches may try the patience of some viewers, but some intriguing plot points make their presence known only to be drowned out in religious jargon and grotesque imagery. The moments of horror are mostly reserved for the last half and even then, the film simply ends right when it begins to gain momentum. This near disastrous closing sequence was possibly intentional as it leaves the door open for a sequel. Judging by the 34.5 million weekend haul (it took in $2 million at midnight showings alone), a second chapter is likely to happen. Still, it's a given that more than a few groans will be heard once the lights suddenly come back on after a final title card tells the audience to go to TheRossiFiles.com for more information about the unresolved case.

While it does feature a handful of 'Boo' moments, many of these come off as cheap shots inserted to remind the audience they are watching a horror movie. These consist of such cinematic condiments as sudden loud noises or dogs jumping up on an iron gate. The few exorcism sequences, though, while spewing a spooky moment or two, are more disturbing than scary. Bones are popped and contorted, multiple voices are heard emanating from the parched lips of the possessed and one poor girl soils her pants prior to scurrying up a wall like a spider. The satan scene stealer is Suzan Crowley as the creepy Maria Rossi, the woman whose body conceals multiple murderous entities. The fact that Ben (the dedicated priest practicing the eradication of evil in secret with his partner, David) discovers there are four extremely powerful denizens of hell residing within her foreshadows horrible things ahead since we also have four protagonists. Not to mention the theory of multiple transference looms large over the film.

It's also worth noting that this is a pick up from Paramount (who reportedly paid a paltry 1 million for it, more than the cost of the film itself) and released through their Insurge label which is designed to handle modestly budgeted pictures such as this one. What's curious about this is that the 'Found Footage' style of horror movie has seemingly supplanted the slasher flick as the dominant force in terror cinema these days. Whereas Paramount, which became an embarrassed and unwitting home to Jason Voorhees and his cut-up crew back in the 80s, have now embraced(?) the new killer in town since anemically financed endeavors such as these bring with them a tidy revenue stream.

THE DEVIL INSIDE breaks no new ground, nor does it give us anything we haven't seen before. It's not a bad movie, but far from a great one. There's a few effective moments scattered throughout, but it isn't skin-crawlingly scary (the best moments are in the trailer including the ending) like some of the bigger guns of this ilk. It does have one thing so many of these 'Mockumentaries' do not have and that's a globe trotting feel about it. Bell's movie greatly benefits from some grand Italian locations. The film doesn't take near as much advantage of these as it could, but the Euro setting does give this low budget flick some additional value. Difficult to recommend, this will appeal to devil movie specialists and those with a 'Found Footage' fetish. The feeling you get in your gut after it's over with may not be the devil, but a moderately unsettling feeling of creeping deja vu or possibly a bad case of demonic frustration.

Cool Ass Comedies: The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) review

2012-01-05T21:33:00.001-08:00

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN 1981

Lily Tomlin (Pat Kramer/Judith/Ernestine the Telephone Operator), Charles Grodin (Vance Kramer), Ned Beatty (Dan), Henry Gibson (Dr. Nortz), Elizabeth Wilson (Dr. Ruth Ruth), Mark Blankfield (Rob), Maria Smith (Concepcion), Rick Baker (Sydney)

Directed by Joel Schumacher

The Short Version: If you enjoyed movies like Joe Dante's INNERSPACE (1987), than you're likely to get a giggle or two from this cheerful homage to Jack Arnold's THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN (1957) starring famous comedienne, Lily Tomlin. There's also quite a bit of social satire on hand showcasing America's obsession with consumer products (what WOULD we do without Galaxy Glue?), suburban communities and the plight of the 80s 'Suzie Homemakers' of the world. All that and Award winning make up artist Rick Baker decked out in yet another of his amazing ape suits.

Suburban housewife Patricia Kramer enjoys a chaotic existence as a stay-at-home-mom till she develops a little problem. After being exposed to a new perfume that inexplicably reacts with a multitude of household products, Pat undergoes a peculiar transformation that results in her shrinking day by day. Becoming a community celebrity of sorts, she attracts the attention of a secret corporation led a group of malicious scientists. They plan to use her blood for a shrinking serum with the intention of reducing the Earth's population literally down to size.

Joel Schumacher's (THE LOST BOYS, BATMAN FOREVER) theatrical feature film debut is an endearing, enjoyably low key science fiction comedy that will appeal to lovers of 80s cinema and those who get all nostalgic about having seen the film upon its original release. I remember my mom taking me to see it and despite not having any monsters in it, the flick clicked with me just the same. With its origins based in Richard Matheson's novel, 'The Shrinking Man' (already adapted for 1957s THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN), mad scientists and the golden age mainstay of a hairy ape creature (in this case, a kindly, intelligent gorilla proficient in sign language) there's quite a few laughs to be had by the young and the young at heart.

This moderately successful comedic film starring one of the best female comedians was a television mainstay for a time before falling into relative obscurity. It had recently been released in an apparently unauthorized foreign release till Universal finally got it together and released the film as part of their own On Demand DVD-R service. While it's not technically an "official" release, at least it's out there. The film has also been enjoying steady airplay on numerous HD channels for quite a while now.

Lily Tomlin goes all out in making Kramer a likable character in her depiction of a woman trying to keep her sanity at home amidst her lovably raucous kids, a dog and an excitable Hispanic maid. Meanwhile, her advertising husband brings home the bread. Whether it was intended or not, there's a lot of social subtext on parade within the comedic parameters set down by writer Jane Wagner. The 1980s woman is satirized here as is America's preoccupation with consumerism (a concept translated in a far more gruesome fashion in George Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD in 1978); the latter of which would grow to decadent heights once Ronald Reagan successfully pulled America out of the economic muck that former President Jimmy Carter had placed the country in.

Tomlin also manages to pull multiple duties here as a few different characters. One of which is Judith Beasley, Pat's closest friend and head of their neighborhoods community group. Judith provides a number of the funniest moments with her sternly domineering delivery. Tomlin also throws in a cameo as one of her most famous characters from the TV show LAUGH IN (1968-1973), the obnoxious, squinty eyed, nose snorting telephone operator, Ernestine. She also had a brief scene as little Edith Ann (another classic comedy character of hers) that wasn't part of the theatrical release, but utilized in television airings of the film.

While the movie playfully makes light of the Women of the Tupperware Party Era, it also manages to spoof the dead serious 1957 B/W science fiction classic, the aforementioned THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN. Some of the scenes from that earlier picture are restructured here to fit the films comical slant, but the tip of the hat to Jack Arnold's original is clearly in evidence. Also, whereas atomic testing was a major concern in 50s society, by the time the 80s rolled around, such issues became less serious than the slew of new products that were voraciously flooding store shelves across the country. As per their respective time periods, a mysterious atomic cloud was responsible for shrinking Grant Williams and in this version, it's a combination of assorted household items set off by a side effect from a new perfume created by Pat's husband's corporation.

Just like the perils encountered by our shrunken hero in the '57 flick, Tomlin finds herself in a number of far sillier predicaments such as falling into a garbage disposal, assaulted by battery operated toys, chased by a dog and catapulted off of her bed. The film turns semi serious once the Kleinman Institute For the Study of Unexplained Phenomena hatches a plan to use Pat's blood to bring the planets population down to minuscule size. Carted away to a secret laboratory, Pat befriends a bumbling janitor named Rob (played by Mark Blankfield, the star of JEKYLL & HYDE...TOGETHER AGAIN) and a lovable gorilla (played by ace ape designer, Rick Baker).

Among the other cast and befitting of the consumer-product placement nature of the production, is Dick Wilson as a grouchy supermarket manager. Folks will likely remember him for uttering the immortal line, "Don't squeeze the Charmin" on many commercials advertising the line of toilet paper. The busty Sally Kirkland of a few Roger Corman spectaculars plays a cashier. Mike Douglas, former talk show host and entertainer is on hand playing himself and singing the timely tune, 'Little Things Mean A Lot'. Henry Gibson (THE KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE, THE BLUES BROTHERS) is suitably gloomy as the main antagonist even though he isn't given a whole lot to do. Charles Grodin (THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER, MIDNIGHT RUN) and Ned Beatty (DELIVERANCE, SUPERMAN) round out the cast of familiar faces.

This is the sort of comedy you can watch with the whole family. Fans of 50s science fiction will want to give this one a spin as well as lovers of 80s cinema. Definitely dated by that decade and representative of much of its memorable iconography, this is an unusually delightful, low key tour de force for Lily Tomlin. The box office may have shrank when compared to the gigantic success of Tomlin's previous years 9 TO 5 (1980), but the entertainment value is anything but diminutive.

The Tale of Zatoichi Continues (1962) review

2011-12-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

THE TALE OF ZATOICHI CONTINUES 1962 aka ZOKU ZATOICHI MONOGATARI

Shintaro Katsu (Zatoichi), Tomisaburo Wakayama (Yoshiro), Masayo Banri (Tane), Yaeko Mizutani (Setsu), Eijiro Yanagi (Sukegoro), Sonosuke Sawamura (Kanbei of Seki), Fujio Harumoto (Lord Kuroda)

Directed by Kazuo Mori

"...For the sake of a meaningless war between gangster clans, I lost a man it took me forever to find...a man I could call a friend."--Ichi ponders the previous years duel with Hirate Miki

The Short Version: This lesser sequel follows the popular trend of a fast follow up riding the coat tails of a box office success. At 72 minutes, the script suffers despite some fascinating character angles and exposition. Katsu and his real life brother Wakayama face off the first of two times (again in ZAT #6) and Zatoichi savors and suffers through an unusually high amount of lust and love. A fine sequel, but could have been a bit better. The series would find a lovably formulaic comfortability with its next entry.

Zatoichi returns to Sasagawa one year later to pay his respects at the burial site of Hirate Miki in Joshoji Temple. While he's there, he's invited to lend his massage skills to the lord of the Kuroda household. Learning that the wealthy lord is quite insane, his subordinates can't let this information be revealed so they send killers after Ichi. Meanwhile, Sukegoro, the Yakuza gangster that survived the previous years massacre, learns the blind swordsman is back in town. Around the same time, a wanted man with only one arm appears. Both he and Ichi share a bond and a tragic secret from their past that is soon to come to a head.

Unlike many of the later movies, this sequel has a direct link to the previous picture. Most of the series has no set order, but the first few films followed a sequence to lend continuity to the character and those he interacted with. This is the shortest entry of the entire series running a brisk 72 minutes. It also ends rather abruptly giving the impression that either the studio still didn't have complete faith in the casting of Katsu as the lead (considering how little audiences thought of him in such heroic roles) despite the success of the first picture, or the film was hampered with production problems. However, the plentiful box office receipts ensured that more movies would follow and oftentimes three to four in the same year. From here on out, the remainder of the series would be shot in color.

Katsu and Wakayama--surrounded and outnumbered...big deal

A lot is revealed about Zatoichi in this movie, particularly in the realm of L'Amour--past, present and future. Love (both lost and found), sex and desire are the dominant themes here. This preoccupation with lust and romanticism elevate this fairly average film to another level. Uncovered and explored is Ichi's romantic background involving a past relationship with a woman named Chiyo and his possible romance with the returning character, Tane, who professed her desire to marry Ichi in the previous movie. It was a rare occurrence to see the kindly masseur relishing the company of a woman and this is one of those few and far between occasions. The addition of Katsu's real life brother, Tomisaburo Wakayama (billed as Kenzaburo Jo) was a novel touch as well as having them play brothers onscreen, too. It brought a whole other level of tension to the climactic duel scenario that would become an enjoyably recurring theme throughout the series.

Their character arc is a love triangle as both loved the same woman and it was a woman that put a sharp wedge between them; so sharp that Yoshiro lost an arm to Ichi's sword in a fight over her affection. Ichi passionately and angrily explains to Setsu--who bears a resemblance to Chiyo--that she was the love of his life and that she left him upon discovering he was blind. Personally, it's difficult to understand how someone could overlook such a handicap, but then the script doesn't go into great detail and doesn't really need to. What's also intriguing is that Chiyo left one man because of an impediment and through her treachery, caused the crippling of another; even more tragic in that both men were brothers.

Setsu, attracted to Ichi, desires to spend the night with him as opposed to the gruff, one armed swordsman who also desires her attention.

This is also the most fascinating portion of this relatively short little movie. When both Ichi and Yoshiro enter the Inn, it's discovered that Setsu looks very much like their long lost love. It also rekindles the enmity and past jealousy both brothers share between them. Yoshiro wishes to spend the evening with her, but she favors the more jovial masseur. The brothers are inadvertently forced to relive this past tragedy. This is also one of the few occasions where we see Ichi casually entertain the prospect of a sexual dalliance. In other films, he would brush such an offer off, or display reluctance, or apprehension at the thought of partaking in sex. In later films, it would seem Ichi is afraid of love. Well here, he accepts it with open arms!

Tane warns Ichi of Sukegoro and his men trailing him while paying respects for the fallen Hirate Miki.

While the script from frequent ICHI writer, Minoru Inuzuka excels in traversing a side of the blind masseur not normally traveled, this is also to the films detriment. The character of Setsu, who acts as something of a catalyst for the brothers prior female troubles, is summarily dropped from the film after her two day tryst with Ichi. Then, much is made of the return of Tane, yet the film fails to capitalize on her participation leaving her scenes looking like little more than an afterthought. It's possible that scenes were cut considering the shorter running time and the strange, HK cinema style abrupt ending is sloppy in execution. This, too, appears tacked on.

Kazuo Mori directed three ZAT movies and none of them were spectacular experiences, instead being serviceable, workman-like affairs. His best of his trilogy would have to be the comically centered ZATOICHI & THE DOOMED MAN from 1965. His other ICHI outing was ZATOICHI AT LARGE from 1972, an entry produced by Toho following Daiei's bankruptcy the previous year. Mori also directed the third, and weakest of the DAIMAJIN films, WRATH OF DAIMAJIN (1966).

This film is also the first of two Wakayama appearances, the second being the superb ZATOICHI & THE CHEST OF GOLD (1964) where Wakayama plays the main villain in a seething performance that's one of the most imposing of the entire run of Zato pictures. As Yoshiro, Wakayama is playing something of a tragic figure. He's wanted for being a robber, a rapist and murderer, although his roguish behavior stems from his tumultuous past with his brother. In a surprise moment, we don't learn of the two characters brotherly bond till the end of the film. We also learn that Chiyo is still alive and well (Yoshiro claims to have killed her), and while one would expect Ichi to run into her at some point in the series, this plot point is never heard from again.

The brothers duel during the action packed climax

Mori's movie has a lot more action than the predominantly drama-centric material present in its predecessor from famed director Kenji Misumi. This increase in sword action will likely be an attractive proposition to samurai fans as will the participation of the future Itto Ogami, the Lone Wolf himself. Furthermore, with its combination of action and a shorter running time, there's very little dramatic punch here. The filmmakers do manage to tie up the plot strands left open from part one and some of these carry over to the third production, too. The B/W photography may put off some viewers, but dedicated fans to this brand of genre won't mind at all. This was the first of four scores Ichiro Saito would contribute to the ZAT series. It's a standard sounding score especially when compared with any of the 11 the magnificent Akira Ifukube graced the series with.

This is a steady, occasionally rocky entry in the series. The script presents some splendid ideas, but fails to fully expand on some of these. Still, it's the most lovelorn of all the ICHI tales. The ZAT pictures would only improve and become far more melodramatic from here, piling on cliffhanger and suspenseful moments for many of the succeeding entries. The fact that it's Katsu and Wakayama together (the latter with only one arm!) and doing battle with one another is reason enough for both the curious and the casual fan to give this one a spin.

ZAT STATS:

1. We learn Zatoichi is from Kasama in Joshu province. Kasama is located in Ibaraki, Japan. Surrounded by mountains, stone quarries are a lucrative venture there. Ichi returns to his hometown in the last of the 70s entries, ZATOICHI'S CONSPIRACY (1973) wherein he finds conflict with a now wealthy childhood friend attempting to extort a vital stone quarry from villagers.

2. Ichi and his brother, Yoshiro, both vied for the affection of the same woman--Chiyo--who crushed the hearts of both men. Ichi's brother is never mentioned again during the series.

3. Ichi gets a lot of love in this movie, more than in any other entry. We learn of the blind swordsman's failed romances from the past, see his affairs in the present and the marriage possibility of the future. In a rare turn, Ichi jumps at the chance for sex with a tavern girl. In most of the films, he shies away from such encounters.

4. In the previous movie, Ichi leaves his sword at the grave of Hirate Miki. At the start of this movie, he has his sword back prior to paying his respect at the burial temple.

5. There are no gambling sequences in this film; a plot device that would become a major staple of the series.

6. There are no demonstrations of Ichi's sword skills (the amazing 'Ichi Sword Draw') outside of his lightning fast swordsmanship during the duel sequences.

7. The remainder of the series is in color and a formula is established that remains mostly unchanged for the rest of the films.

Feature running time: 1:12:14

This review is representative of the Home Vision DVD.

NEXT TIME IN ZATOICHI #3, THE BLIND MASSEUR MEETS HIS OLD SWORD MASTER, TANGLES WITH THE TENGU GANG, IS PURSUED BY A VENGEANCE SEEKING SWORDSMAN AND TRIES TO KEEP HIS DISTANCE FROM A YOUNG GIRL WHO FALLS FOR THE SENSITIVE CHARMS OF SWORDSMAN ICHI! DON'T MISS IT!!!

Famous Monsters Memories: Lots of Lugosi, Lon Jr., Karloff, Creatures & Kong

2011-12-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

This jumbo Famous Monsters post covers five issues and a slew of rare photos of fear favorites like Lugosi, Chaney Jr., Karloff, King Kong and more!

A shot from RETURN OF COUNT YORGA (1971) that's not in the finished movie, at least I don't recall it being in there.

A rare shot of the construction of the King of Skull Island from the original KING KONG from 1933.

Issue #92 covers everything Lugosi...

Bela sucks the life from a carton of milk at the HOUSE OF WAX (1953) premiere.

Bela Lugosi in what is presumably his last role in Ed Wood's PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1956).

Basil, Bela and Chaney Jr. enjoy a FIENDly get-together.

This cover features a portion of the TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972) artwork.

Does anybody out there know what movie this image is from? Even FM's didn't know the films title.

Long before videotapes, laserdiscs and DVDs, there were super 8 film reels. I never had one, but knew some folks that did. Even though you only got a small portion of the films on reels, it was still the next best thing to seeing them in the theater.

A break during the shooting of SCHLOCK (1973) from director John Landis.

The adult geared, fantasy horror B/W comic magazine VAMPIRELLA was huge in the 1970s. This poster was just as big a deal to male monster movie lovers as the later and iconic Farrah Fawcett image that ended up on many a wall.

Jack Pierce applies make up to Lon Chaney Jr. on two different films from 1941 and 1945.

This is half of a spread on Lon Chaney Jr., Peter Lorre and Boris Karloff appearing together on the TV show, ROUTE 66 (1960-1964).

Frank wishes you all a very scary new year filled with good fear. Happy Horror-days!

The Tale of Zatoichi (1962) review

2011-12-25T22:24:00.000-08:00

THE TALE OF ZATOICHI 1962 aka ZATOICHI MONOGATARI (LEGEND OF ZATOICHI)

Shintaro Katsu (Zatoichi), Masayo Mari (Tane), Ryuzo Shimada (Shigezo Sasagawa), Gen Mitamura (Hanji), Shigero Amachi (Hirate Miki), Chitose Maki (Yoshi), Eijiro Yanagi (Sukegoro Lioka), Michiro Minami (Tatekichi)

Directed by Kenji Misumi

"Sukegoro...you said it would be a sight to see a match between me and Sasagawa's samurai. But let me tell you...my life doesn't come cheap."

The Short Version: Kenji Misumi, one of Chambara cinemas finest directorial hands got this vastly celebrated series off and running with this B/W entry that introduced us all to the wonders of Zatoichi. This gritty, yet dramatic feature is light on fights, but strong on characterization that makes what little action there is all the more poignant and powerful. The building of one of cinemas finest creations was a work in progress and would blossom and bloom for years to come. Misumi's milestone is an auspicious beginning and one of many amazing performances by the one and only Shintaro Katsu.

Zatoichi prepares to demonstrate his lightning fast sword draw

Zatoichi, a blind and wandering, low ranking yakuza stumbles upon a gang war between two rival syndicates in the province of Sasagawa. After moving in on his gambling rackets, Sukegoro decides a bloody all out battle is the only way to settle things. The smaller of the two factions led by Shigezo, has master ronin, Hirate Miki under his employ. The lowly blind swordsman is courted to side with Sukegoro, but refuses and instead strikes up a friendship with Hirate, who turns out to not only be a heavy drinker, but also seriously ill. As the turf war heats up between the two gangsters, both Ichi and Hirate know they will have to inevitably fight one another.

Kenji Misumi, most famous here in America for his spectacularly gory LONE WOLF & CUB series, took the reigns of this first film in the wildly popular and classic Japanese samurai series. Spanning 26 official pictures between 1962 and 1973 and one last entry in 1989 directed by lead star Katsu himself (Katsu would also direct 1972's ZATOICHI IN DESPERATION), all of the stories are the work of novelist, Kan Shimosawa. The name Zatoichi has arguably accrued a popularity unlike any cinematic character before or since anywhere in the world.

Aside from the movies, there was also a 100 episode television series that also featured Katsu as the title blind swordsman. Interestingly enough, Katsu wasn't deemed leading man material and it wasn't until his lead as the sadistic and murderous blind masseur in THE BLIND MENACE (1960) that the blueprint for Zatoichi was ironically laid down.

The first and only time in the series where Ichi looks intently at another person with his eyes wide open.

Some of that character is ported over to this new, kinder incarnation. Katsu kept the clean cut lack of facial hair (for the first and only time, we see Ichi getting a shave) and crew cut as well as a nuance or two, but jettisoned the duplicitous cruelty of what could be classified as "Zatoichi's evil alter ego". The biggest difference between Ichi and Suginoichi, the Menace of the earlier picture, is that the former is a superlative and undefeated swords master.

The first of many gambling sequences.

The mannerisms of this soon to be famous film character were in the infant stages here, but would be quickly augmented by the time the third film rolled around. For instance, Ichi shows no reluctance in showing off his sword skills as he would in many later films. From the very beginning, we see Ichi's excellence as a gambler--just one of many skills where his handicap heightens instead of hinders his capabilities. Incidentally, the gambling trick Ichi pulls off here would crop up two more times--again in the elusive and excellent ZATOICHI'S PILGRIMAGE (1966) and once more in the gloomy ZATOICHI IN DESPERATION (1972).

Hirate (Shigero Amachi at left) and Zatoichi (Katsu at right) meet for the first time while fishing.

While the level of action varies from one entry to the next, this inaugural production saves the bulk of it for the fairly brutal and moderately bloody finale. The accent here is on the dramatics of the characters. A good deal of time is spent between Ichi and Miki, the top fighter whom has been hired by rival boss, Shigezo. They become fast friends as they both enjoy fishing. The two formidable sword slashers also acquire a great deal of respect for one another. This integrity shines on more than one occasion such as when Hirate, bedridden from his illness, decides to join the fight when he learns Shigezo is planning on using a rifle to oust Ichi, even though the sightless, and at this time, former masseur (former as stated by Ichi in this film) has no plans of partaking in the skirmish. Of major interest to Spanish horror fans, Shigero Amachi (who plays Hirate) would later co-star with Paul Naschy in the amazing THE BEAST & THE MAGIC SWORD (1983).

Masayo Mari as Tane. She would return for parts 2 and 3. There will be a shocking reveal about her character in the color third entry, NEW TALE OF ZATOICHI (1963).

This picture plants the popular seed of our lovable anti hero having to eventually duel with an unlikely opponent, or one that Ichi doesn't wish to do battle with. This would reach an emotional apex by the third film and would become a frequent plot device from here on out. There's also a subplot about a woman named Tane (Masayo Mari who reprised the role for a few more entries) and Tatekichi, her gangster brother who contributed to a local girls suicide after he had taken advantage of her. The ZATOICHI series is often one about poetic justice and this film concludes with a bit of it in regards to Tane's less than honorable sibling. Also of note, the character of Tane (pronounced Tah-nay) falls in love with Ichi; this, too, is a recurring theme in many of the movies that our blind anti-hero has no shortage of suitors.

The ten minute action sequence that closes the film is ferocious in its violence and brutal for its time.

The film was a sizable success for Daiei and a sequel was ordered. Misumi didn't return for the sequel, but did direct Katsu in a few other ZAT movies and also in the outrageous first entry of the HANZO, THE RAZOR trilogy which was produced between 1972 and 1974. Misumi was one of the greatest filmmakers the Chambara and Jidageki genre ever had lording over it. Having guided the two titans of Chambara, Shintaro Katsu and his real life brother, Tomisaburo Wakayama, Misumi also worked with another Jidageki swordplay giant, Raizo Ichikawa famous for the long running SLEEPY EYES OF DEATH series and also such films as KENKI (1965) and THE BETRAYAL (1966).

Ichi uses his almost superhuman skill level to slice a candlestick in two halves. This would be the first of dozens of similar stunts, with each one frequently more spectacular than the last.

Misumi dabbled briefly in the supernatural genre with his own interpretation of the oft filmed 'Yotsuya Kaidan' tale in 1959 (not to be confused with Nobuo Nakagawa's version from the same year) and also combined samurai cinema with the supernatural by way of the Kaiju style with the second film in the somber DAIMAJIN trilogy; released as RETURN OF MONSTER MAJIN (1966) here in America. Misumi's last directorial effort before his death in 1975 was the epic and aptly titled THE LAST SAMURAI (1974).

At 96 minutes, TALE OF ZATOICHI (1962) is one of the longest films in the original 60s-70s run. It benefits from a fine script by writer Minoru Inuzuka who contributed his pen to a quarter of the films in the series mostly during the Daiei years. The score by Akira Ifukube is a magnificent composition and his majestically melancholic themes would grace nearly half the films in this iconic series. Ifukube's signature style would inarguably be most famously recognized in Toho's GODZILLA series as well as other movies dealing with giant, rampaging monsters. Ifukube's musical styling was pure sonic brilliance and of a distinct quality not unlike that of Italian composer Ennio Moriconne. Just like Kenji Misumi, Ifukube said 'Sayonara' to Chambara cinema with Misumi's THE LAST SAMURAI in 1974.

While it's not the best film in the long running and wildly popular series, it's still a great samurai picture rife with compelling characters and situations. TALE OF ZATOICHI (1962) got the kindly champion of the poor, the abused and the oppressed started on his long journey of discovery emblazoning an odyssey of indelible entertainment for fans of Japanese cinema all around the world.

ZAT STATS:

1. Ichi's gambling skills are introduced here although his super-hearing that enables him to win much of the time would be displayed in later entries.

2. For the first and only time, Ichi is seen receiving a full massage of his own.

3. It's stated by Ichi that he was a legitimate masseur three years prior to when the film takes place. He also states he took up sword training so that he would be treated with respect.

4. Shigero Amachi would return to the series for episode #13 as another nemesis for Ichi. Throughout the series many other actors would return in varying capacity.

5. The popular plot device of introducing a powerful samurai that, despite befriending the blind man, is destined to duel with him by films end begins here.

6. The recurring plot point of gang warfare seen here involves two gangs vying for control of gambling rackets with each side attempting to steal customers from one another. Future films would generally feature two yakuza factions battling for various reasons.

7. The first two sequels maintain a link with this first film, but after that, there's no discernible continuity.

8. Throughout the series, Ichi is given assorted love interests. The young girl, Tane professes her love for the blind swordsman in this series opener. Her character returns for the next two pictures.

9. For the first and only time, you actually see Ichi's eyes during the closing moments as he lashes out at boss Sukegoro for his disrespectful nature. From here on out, you only see the whites of his eyes when he happens to crack open his eyelids.

Running Time: 1:36:05

This review is representative of the Home Vision DVD

Lady Frankenstein (1971) review

2011-12-21T20:40:00.001-08:00

LADY FRANKENSTEIN 1971 aka LA FIGLIA DI FRANKENSTEIN (THE DAUGHTER OF FRANKENSTEIN)

Rosalba Neri (Tania Frankenstein), Joseph Cotten (Baron Frankenstein), Paul Muller (Dr. Charles Marshall), Paul Whiteman (Frankenstein's Monster), Herbert Fux (Tom Lynch), Mickey Hargitay (Captain Harris)

Directed by Mel Welles

The Short Version: Simultaneously intriguing and irrepressibly bad Italian horror picture benefits from some provocative sexual subtext in its script that starts off as a typical Frank flick, but quickly morphs into something far more salacious and sleazy. A good cast is on hand amidst the menagerie of choppy editing, sex, nudity and mild gore. Rosalba Neri's Tania Frankenstein makes this failed experiment worthwhile and Eurotrash fans will no doubt have a grand time with this stitched together mishmash of boobs, blood, body parts, bits and pieces.

***WARNING! This review contains images of nudity and sexual situations***

Baron Frankenstein conducts his experiments in bringing the dead back to life in secret with the help of Dr. Marshall and a slimy grave robber named Lynch. Fresh out of medical school, Tania Frankenstein arrives at her father's castle frustrated over her opposition to become a master surgeon. Immediately after discovering the truth behind her father's work, she wishes to assist him, but he refuses. Upon bringing the creature to life, the thing turns on its creator killing the Baron in the process. The monster escapes and goes on a rampage. Meanwhile, Tania decides to carry on her father's work, but for her own purposes. Initially she convinces Marshall into believing she wishes to build another monster to combat the murderous one. However, her real desire is to build a better lover. Promising her body to the intellectual, yet aged Marshall, Tania manipulates him into assisting her in the creation of another being. By using him as a willing donor, the plan is to transplant Marshall's brain into the body of a much younger, more virile man.

The actor who played Gravis Mushnik in the original LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1960) directed this fascinating, if fairly unremarkable take on the Frankenstein mythos. Oddly enough, this Italian film has remained lost in the shuffle for years toiling away in obscurity while the classick FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (1974) or even dreck like FRANKENSTEIN'S CASTLE OF FREAKS (1974) get the bulk of the Euro coverage. Welles movie falls somewhere in between those two and while it isn't a particularly good movie, it distinguishes itself by starting out as one thing and ending up as something else. Reportedly this was to have been a Dracula tale, but quickly retooled when production problems arose. Either way, Neri (billed here as Sarah Bay) was signed to be the lead.

Despite looking quite good and semi extravagant in terms of production value, these older movies--and foreign films in particular--could make $200,000 look like a million bucks. Taking the low budget into consideration, the participation of Joseph Cotten was cut down due to his loftier price tag. At the end of his career, the man who starred in Orson Welles' CITIZEN KANE (1941) was appearing in Japanese productions such as Toho's fanciful LATITUDE ZERO (1969) other Euro horrors such as Bava's BARON BLOOD (1972) and Martino's ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN (1979) as well as Italian crime flicks like Lenzi's SYNDICATE SADISTS (1975). Cotten's exit 35 minutes into the picture would seem to have been for the better since the movie transforms into something else entirely and a far more interesting entity.

The first half is a faithful Italian variant on the classic Shelley story that was being brought to life with rapidity by Britain's Hammer Films, the production company that had made the mad scientist a popular commodity again since 1957. Curiously, LADY FRANKENSTEIN mimics the early Hammer Frank flicks till about midway through when it disposes of the familiar trappings and settles for crass sensationalism and sleaze. It's during the latter half that the movie takes the form of Hammer's Frankenstein films of the 1970s, but pushes the envelope significantly further than Britain's chief horror export ever did. It's also this portion of the film that's the most interesting as well as the most perverse.

There are two monsters here and the one that gets the most screen time is of course the one that's the most hideous. Looking like the Toxic Avenger with an inflated head, the Creature lumbers around at a frenetic pace swatting people left and right with his burly appendages. Curiously enough, most all the women it kills just happen to be naked. There's even a trashy homage to the controversial scene with the little girl by the lake scene in the original FRANKENSTEIN (1931). Here, our monstrous oaf tosses an unconscious, yet pretty and totally nude blonde into a river. While the best of these movies presented their creature as a pitiable, tragic being, the beast on display here is little more than a mindless, vengeful automaton akin to the slab of beefcake seen in Hammer's THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN (1970). In LADY FRANKENSTEIN, the rampage scenes look as if they were shot as an afterthought, or merely included to ramp up the sleazier elements inherent in the script. Up to the moment where the creature kills his creator, there's no indication that the film is going to take the salaciously perverse turn it is about to take.

The other creature in question is the one that Tania is preoccupied with building. In the other films, Frankenstein had noble intentions even if he was murderously delusional in accomplishing his god-like ambitions. For him, it was the betterment of mankind through science. In this film, the doctor's daughter has a more personable agenda. It would seem Tania is only interested in satisfying her lust for sex by creating the perfect lover. Tania falls in love with her father's assistant, Dr. Marshall (his brain, anyways), but considering his age, Tania wishes his intellect to be housed in a much more desirable shell. Since he loves her, Marshall decides to allow his brain to be transplanted into the body of Thomas, a much younger, if mentally handicapped man. The only snag is that Thomas must die first.

Whether it was intended or not, there are some underlying themes of the empowerment and sexual liberation of women. Tania's not only highly intelligent, but a manipulator and a murderess. When we first meet her, there's nothing about her personality that foreshadows the evil hidden within her soul. Likewise, Tania's libido is evidently very healthy. She isn't content with settling for just any man, either. She wants both brains and brawn, wisdom and youth and the only way for her to attain this is to kill people. In the real world, both men and women generally look at what's on the outside as being the chief selling point in deciding who they wish to be with regardless of who the actual person really is on the inside. We can't just do a Dr. Frankenstein and build the perfect mate from various bits and pieces from living and dead subjects. However, Tania does just that, although her true self is revealed at the end during the big monster mash finale when the two superhuman creations battle it out breaking assorted pieces of paper mache furniture over each others heads and dismembering one another.

In making her man, Tania is attracted to Thomas, a retarded groundskeeper. After convincing Charles to conspire in his murder, she seduces Thomas while Charles watches voyeuristically from behind a curtain. During the height of their sex session, Charles suffocates the man while Tania is brought to ecstasy. This whole sequence is rife with perversion the likes of which Hammer would likely never have explored much less flirted with. A similar scene of sexual morbidity is found during the closing moments of the film in what is essentially a flip-side to the sequence described above. Even with its few daring moments and intriguing subtext, LADY FRANKENSTEIN suffers from terrible editing and is covered in a lackluster sheen that nonetheless makes for an entertaining mishmash of provocative themes married to cheap exploitation thrills.

Smut peddler and trash icon Dick Randall wrote the original story which should speak volumes about what you're getting yourself into here. It should also be noted that the import version lost 13 minutes of exposition making an already sloppily edited movie even more haphazard (the recent DVD restoration incorporates the missing footage sourced from what appears to be a cable television broadcast). Even so, it's all held together--shakily as it may be--by Neri's sensual performance. Just as the film is essentially two different styles combined together, so is Tania Frankenstein first shown to be a likable, proud daughter wishing to make a respectable living in a noble profession. Halfway through the picture, her real self spills over revealing a guileful, selfish vixen with strong sexual desires that prove to be her undoing.

Rosalba Neri is easily one of the most familiar Euro starlets in Italian cinema and she often fluctuated between bit parts to supporting roles and the occasional lead like she gets here. Curiously, she was often cast as the love interest in numerous peplums and adventure movies, but when the spaghetti westerns took over, Neri rarely got a substantial part. In the Euroaters, she's around briefly during the first half only for her characters to be killed off shortly thereafter. LADY FRANKENSTEIN is undoubtedly one of her best as it gives her a chance to really cut loose. She did eventually get around to portraying a blood drinking role as the Countess in the trashy THE DEVIL'S WEDDING NIGHT (1973) starring Mark Damon and directed by Luigi Batzella who was soon to helm the atrocious SS HELL CAMP (1977).

Euro cult fans will also spy Mickey Hargitay, the star of numerous and occasionally enjoyable barrel scrapers like THE LOVES OF HERCULES (1960), BLOODY PIT OF HORROR (1965) and 3 BULLETS FOR RINGO (1966). Herbert Fux is a familiar face in a number of European productions possibly most infamously in the controversial international hit, MARK OF THE DEVIL (1970) and even in Italian westerns such as Sergio Corbucci's SONNY & JED (1972) starring Tomas Milian, Susan George and Telly Savalas.

Prior to and after LADY FRANKENSTEIN, there had been a number of movies that featured either a mad female scientist or a feminine monstrosity. These include such pictures as BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935), FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER (1958), the hilariously awful JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER (1966), the subversive FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN (1966) and even the craptacular Mexican masked wrestling nonsense of SANTO AGAINST THE DAUGHTER OF FRANKENSTEIN (1972). Some of these are notable classics of the good and bad sort, others are well made variants on frequently traveled territory and others are just disposable entertainment. LADY FRANKENSTEIN (1971) is something of a combination of all of those. In more capable hands it could have been a far more stable, thought provoking take on the subject. As it stands, it's simply an exploitation picture spearheaded by a dominating female lead and punctuated by a few instances of fleeting brilliance.

This review is representative of the Shout! Factory 2 disc set paired with THE VELVET VAMPIRE (1971), TIME WALKER (1982) and GROTESQUE (1988).

Too Hot To Handle (1977) review

2011-12-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

TOO HOT TO HANDLE 1977 aka HIT WOMAN

Cheri Caffaro (Samantha Fox), Aharon Ipale (Domingo de la Torres), Vic Diaz (Sanchez), John Van Dreelen (Mackenzie Portman), Corrine Calvet (Madam Ruanda), Jordan Rosengarten (Justin Stockwell), Butz Aquino (Carlos Rossimo), Subas Herrero (Octavio Calderon), Grace Lee (Miss Chow), Paquito Salcedo (Lu Chang)

Directed by Don Schain

"It's much more of a turn on to watch something die slowly. Even then the greater the distance, the less the fun."--Samantha Fox relates to Domingo on a hunting trip.

The Short Version: The leggy and luscious Cheri Caffaro returns to GINGER Land with a similar, if decidedly darker interpretation as an international hit woman who literally mixes business with pleasure that almost always climaxes with a deadly denouement. The script is quite good and full of ideas including a fascinating lead character, only the lack of a decent budget impedes its progress. It's far better on a filmmaking level when compared with its twin DVD co-features, but fans of those two may be put off by the minimal action instead dominated by lots of sex, skin and S&M. Still, fans of the Andy Sidaris school of 'Girls & Guns' will likely get more than a few cheap thrills out of it.

***WARNING! This review contains images of nudity & sexual situations***

Samantha Fox is a sultry contract killer living on a yacht in Manila. She's hired by an Asian-American crime syndicate to take out four big time local gangsters who all happen to be residing in the Philippines and who all are involved in different nefarious activities ranging from drugs to white slavery. Fox uses sex and assorted disguises to bring her targets to their gruesome doom. The cop on the case ultimately gets involved with the Foxy Samantha and is torn between making his arrest and maintaining a steamy love life with the virulent vixen who may or may not make him her next victim.

Yet another Filipino lensed lady killer flick, but this one is miles away better than the two other movies it's paired with on DVD. There's less fighting and these scenes are just as unconvincing as those seen in TNT JACKSON (1974). The kung fu fights are actually pretty hilarious and manage to work because of how lethargically choreographed they are. They all look like rehearsals as opposed to an actual take. The acting fares no better, either. Co-star Aharon Ipale is a block of wood, but this could possibly be down to a language barrier.

However, the sexual quotient is intensified and quite erotic especially in the character of Samantha Fox who indeed wants, and does have some fun and move her body all night long. The level of sleaze and skin is rather high and all the nudity isn't relegated strictly to Caffaro, although she gets undressed at regular intervals. For such a low budget picture, her character is bigger than the film itself. Something of an anti-Bond female contract killer, she's incredibly strong, sexually liberated and extremely cunning and generally always one step ahead of everybody else.

Fox doles out an excruciating death to a lesbian white slavery ring leader, one of her targets while on assignment in Manila. With this procedure, Madam Ruanda is about to literally be TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

Director Schain (who was also married to Caffaro at one time) handles the material very well despite a crippling and occasionally noticeable lack of funds. The Filipino locales do lend some additional production value even if the action scenes fail to impress. The character of Fox is played by the tall, blonde stunner Cheri Caffaro who was no stranger to 70s exploitation cinema, especially movies that featured lethal women in lead roles. TOO HOT TO HANDLE could be considered something of a companion piece to Caffaro's GINGER series from earlier in the 1970s all of which were directed by Don Schain. She played a super spy in those three films as well. Judging by the scope of this movie, it would seem a possible series was envisioned for it, as well. Unfortunately, the box office wasn't hot enough to send Samantha Fox on assignment a second time.

Caffaro seriously sizzles in her handful of sexually charged bump'em off and grind moments wherein she lures her targets into her web of death. She even manages to pull off a YOJIMBO style massacre between two rival gangs. On her down time, Fox is into bondage and kinky sex. She not only dominates her onscreen men, but she also commands the attention of male viewers who will likely be mesmerized by her lascivious, if dangerous charms. The movie definitely grabs your attention during the opening assassination sequence which involves Fox in a tight, black outfit ready to administer some S&M thrills with a man only to unleash a fatal dose of auto erotic asphyxiation. She takes on an almost villainous demeanor when she casually sits down in front of her suffocating victim and lights a cigarette, waiting patiently for him to expire. Not long after she's at the man's funeral decked out in a black, low cut outfit, her breasts almost hanging out!

While Caffaro makes Fox appear capable of curing any man of erectile dysfunction (if she doesn't kill him in the process), she's also a cold, detached individual not too far removed from Dyanne Thorne's infamous ILSA persona. The one difference between both of these dominatrix's is that Fox never allows a man to cloud her mind staying one step ahead of the game at all times. Fox shares Ilsa's proclivity for wild sex and one scene in particular pushes the envelope. In it, she goes to a cockfight (no doubt the mention of that word would likely bring our sex lovin' spy to near orgasm) only to fantasize about herself writhing in ecstasy on her bed while the chickens engage in a slow motion death struggle! It's one of the most bizarre moments in the film and likely to be found offensive by sensitive viewers as the fowl fight is right graphic.

Filipino exploitation cinema fans will of course be delighted at seeing Vic Diaz here, only this time on the right side of the law playing Domingo's partner; Domingo being the cop who falls for Fox. Diaz was something like the Ku Feng of the Philippines appearing in a seemingly endless array of Filipino exploitation exports. The film was originally proposed in 1974, but took two years to finally get made. Roger Corman eventually picked it up for distribution through New World Pictures in 1977.

Despite some lazily choreographed action scenes and a budget that cannot sustain the scope of its script (written by the hand that wrote KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK [1978]), Caffaro's charisma, her super-charged sex appeal and her various costume changes (she designed her clothes for the film) makes it all worthwhile. The script is far better and more ambitious than either of the two other New World films it's paired with on this DVD set. Some may disagree, but TOO HOT TO HANDLE is far more engaging with just as many pros as cons. Very much an enjoyable movie on its own merits, with a bit more money spread around (and either Don Edmonds or Jack Hill at the helm), this could have been a standout endeavor as opposed to a mere footnote punctuated by a few memorable moments and a knock out lead actress. The picture is definitely HOT, only it loses a lot of heat when Caffaro isn't steaming up the screen.

This review is representative of the Shout! Factory two disc DVD paired with TNT JACKSON (1974) and FIRECRACKER (1981).