After some days, the  girl said that she can’t marry him coz hr family disagreed.

The boy said “I need u and your family’s happiness”.

After few months, gal got married & was looking thru her gifts. She came across a gift & starts crying. The gift was the boy’s real Heart packed in a jar.

CLIMAX – ladkene suicide kiya ya uska murder hua?

Kyunki agar suicide kiya, toh heart pack kisne kiya?

Jaanne ke liye dekhiye.

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CID
mon-fri 6am, 9am, 12pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 12am, 3am only on SONY TV. 

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers…. and then there are educators.

The finale had the following three incidents….

- Third Place

“It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled “SURPRISE!“.

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

- Second Place

“While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee(dick) last night!”.

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

- And the Winner is…

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, “If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?” “That’s correct.” responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”.

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked
out of the class, and never returned.

However , as she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straight- faced, he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!”

NOTE: Keep Staring at the Image for at least a minute

The Girl stared angrily & said: “‘NO!!!’

And the Man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles , went fishing, hunting , played golf , drank beer, watched sports on TV all night, had tons of money in the bank, dug his nose and scratched his balls in public, left the toilet seat up, farted whenever he wanted……and lived happily ever after.

The volcanic ash has forced the cancellation of many flights and disrupted air traffic across northern Europe, stranding thousands of passengers. Collected here are photos of the most recent eruption, and of last month’s eruptions, which were from the same volcano, just several miles further east.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it’s good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those “Wishes” are already married (to someone else)!

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn’t matter BUT PLEASE DON’T SEND me
“Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush…” Otherwise I’ll delete my E-Mail account!

1. Delhi
2. Mumbai
3. Hyderabad
4. Kolkata

An Indian Rupee Coin

The production in city puts an identification mark under the year of issue. Coins produced in:

1. Delhi – have a dot
2. Mumbai – have a diamond
3. Hyderabad – have a star
4. Kolkata – Nothing beneath the year

Isn’t it amazing??? Most of us don’t know this……..

Now put your hand inside your pocket/ wallet/ purse and check out!!!!

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This is a hoarding Jet Airways put at a busy road in Mumbai

SEE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ………

SEE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ………

AFTER A FEW DAYS…

AFTER A FEW DAYS…

And FINALLY…

And Finally

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HER DIARY ——————

Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but  he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong – he said, “Nothing.”I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept  driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love u,too.”

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed.  I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.
_______________________________

HIS DIARY
==========

Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh. DAMN IT!!!!!
NOW that’s called :

Simplicity of Men Vs Complexity of Women !!!

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is Called “Mate Match”. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers “yes”, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you’ve heard yet. Anyway, here’s how it all went down:

DJ: “Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match’?”

Contestant: (laughing) “Yes, I have.”

DJ: “Great! Then you know we’re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please.”

Contestant: “Brian.”

DJ: “Brian, are you married or what?”

Brian: (laughing nervously) “Yes, I am married.”

DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife’s name? First only please.”

Brian: “Sara.”

DJ: “Is Sara at work, Brian?”

Brian: “She is gonna kill me.”

DJ: “Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?”

Brian: (laughing) “Yes, she’s at work.”

DJ: “Okay, first question – when was the last time you had sex?”

Brian: “About 8 o’clock this morning.”

DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) “Well…”

DJ: “Question #2 – How long did it last?”

Brian: “About 10 minutes.”

DJ: “Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn’t at stake.”

Brian: “Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.”

DJ: “Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o’clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) “I, ummm, I, well…”

DJ: “This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?”

Brian: “Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks…”

DJ: “Uh huh…”

Brian: “…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.”

DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”

Brian: “On the kitchen table.”

DJ: “Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I’ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife’s work number and call her up. You listen to this.”

[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: “Okay audience; let’s call Sara, shall we?” (touch tones…..ringing….)

Clerk: “Kinkos.”

DJ: “Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?”

Clerk: “This is she.”

DJ: “Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I’ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.”

Sara: (laughing) “A couple of hours?”

DJ: “Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give anyanswers away or you’ll lose. Sooooooo… do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match’?”

Sara: “No.”

DJ: “Good!”

Brian: (laughing)

Sara: (laughing) “Brian, what the hell are you up to?”

Brian: (laughing) “Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.”

DJ: “Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your answers match Brian’s answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sara: (laughing) “Yes.”

DJ: “Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?”

Sara: “Oh God, Brian….uh, this morning before Brian went to work.”

DJ: “What time?”

Sara: “Around 8 this morning.”

DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?”

Sara: “12, 15 minutes maybe.”

DJ: “Hmmmm. That’s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?”

Sara: (laughing) “Yes.”

DJ: “Where did you have it?”

Sara: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn’t tell them that did you?”

Brian: “Just tell him, honey.”

DJ: “What is bothering you so much, Sara?”

Sara: “Well…”

DJ: Come on Sara….. where did you have it?

Sara: “Up the ar$e…..”

After a long pause, the DJ said, “Folks, we need to take a station break”

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

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2) Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.

3)
Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in the Delhi CWG stadiums?

A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling )

4) Whats common between CWG committee and students???

Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour…..

5) Prince Charles is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!

6) Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!

7) A collapse a day keeps the athletes away

Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame.
No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game.
Crores for my partner, crores for the dame,
crores for me too, for spoiling India’s name!

And the best one!!!

9) AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters “Sir U made Lakhs” you get “SURESH KALMADI”

2)  The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

3)  I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

4)  Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5)  I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.

6)  I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7)  What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8)  I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

9)  I’m already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10) Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

11)  I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12)  It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13)  Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14)  No, my powers can only be used for good.

15)  How about never? Is never good for you?

16)  I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17)  You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication.

18)  I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

19)  I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28) I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”

30) My reality check bounced.

31) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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2. 3 sentences for getting success: – William Shakespeare

• know more than others
• work more than others
• expect less than others

3. If you win you need not explain … but if you lose you should not be there to explain – Adolph Hitler

4. Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself – Alen Strike

5. If we cannot love the person whom we see, how can we love god, whom we cannot see? – Mother Theresa

6. No man is rich enough to buy his past – Oscar Wilde

7. If you want real peace don’t talk to your friends, talk with your enemies – Mother Theresa

8. Winning doesn’t always mean being first, winning means you’re doing better than you’ve done before – Bonnie Blair

9. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. – Leo Tolstoy

10. I will not say i failed 1000 times, i will say that i discovered there are 1000 ways that can cause failure. – Thomas Edison

11. Believing everybody is dangerous; believing nobody is very dangerous – Abraham Lincoln

12. Love your job but never fall in love with your company because you never know when it stops loving you – Abdul Kalam

13. If someone feels that they have never made a mistake in their life, then it means they have never tried a new thing in their life. – Einstein

14. Never break these four things in your life

• trust,
• a promise,
• a relation,
• a heart

because when they break they don’t make noise but pains a lot – Charles

15. if you start judging people you will be having no time to love them – Mother Theresa

I just lost myself in that beauty.

Suddenly, someone’s voice disturbed me…

“Excuse me sir, would you like to have something?”

I turned back, and was surprised to see my beautiful old schoolmate, Saakshi.

“Hey Saakshi, is that you, how come you… wow, you look still the same, pretty.. in this Air-hostess suit”

“Saurabh, wo…..w, I cant believe this is you.. ohh sorry I am on my job, will talk to you later”

She left a smile on my face. I couldn’t believe my eyes, It reminded me my school days.

How crazy, i was about her, always followed her after the school, wrote love letters, but never dared to give one of them. Always looking at her in the class, from the last bench.

She was the queen of our class. I fought with 2-3 other guys for her, how stupid I was.

I couldn’t stop myself, looking at her again, I was amazed to see that, she had become more beautiful than she was at school.

She too looked at me and smiled, then she said something to her fellow air-hostess, then they both started smiling.

I was clueless about what had happened. Her colleague was also damn pretty.

Oh my god, today you fulfill one of my dreams.

I thought of going there and having a chat with her, but i knew that, its her job, so I stopped myself.

I again started looking outside the window. We were above the clouds making an awesome scene outside, also inside, because of her smile .

I gathered some courage, and pretended that I am going towards the loo. I looked at her, she understood what I desired.

She walked towards me and said : “I am extremely sorry yaar, I couldn’t talk to you much, so say how are you, where have you been these many years, and whats your success story? for what purpose you are going?”

I replied:

“hmmm… i have always been there, it was you who left everything after school, i searched for you, so many places wherever i could, but no trace of you. Then i completed my college, got a job in a nice company, i didn’t expect my company to give me this much. I am going for an on-site job, don’t know when I will return back.

You know, i got everything in my life except someone, with whom i can actually share my world, my success. someone…”

i looked straight into her eyes.. those blue eyes, i think she got the answer,

…with some pain in her eyes, she said, “sorry got to go,will give you my number”

I again, sat back to my seat,very silent, looking outside, and hoping for some answers.

it was dark outside by that time, some thunder in cloud, just like inside my heart.

then suddenly, plane started getting hiccups.. everyone got scared.. i saw Saakshi running towards the Mic, she made an announcement, that don’t panic as they were facing a storm outside.

But the plane started shaking badly, everyone started feeling its the last moment of their lives… i kept on watching Saakshi, and she was watching me… then something hit my back hard.. and there was a complete darkness in front of me.. deep silent, but i could still feel the shaking plane, and people’s scream..

then someone shouted… ‘Saaaauuuuraaabhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!’

“Saurabh, wake up you are again sleeping in office, wake up, i need that report urgently”

Damn.. I looked here-there, same ODC, no On-site, no plane.. no Saakshi..

I stared at my PM in anger.. Because of you only, that plane crashed!!

I still don’t know, why it happens to me daily between 2 to 3. …. hahahaha lol

Dear (manager name),

After years of dedication to a career that I love so, I have decided to move on to a new and exciting chapter in my life.

The truth of the matter is that I find myself unbearably attracted to you. I know we are of the same sex, and I’ve never really had a sexual longing for another man, but whenever you enter the room, the sweet smell of your natural man fragrance, with a hint of Dial Cool Ocean Mist body wash, simply makes it impossible for me to concentrate.

Sometimes I get so nervous around you that I have to sprint to the restroom to do number 2. (I have a spastic colon)

I’ll miss the countless days when I would try to guess which tie you would wear to work and when I guessed correctly I was convinced that it was an omen…a sign that this would finally be the day. The day in which you would debonairly announce that you’ve left your wife and we could purchase a Toyota Tundra and run off to Vermont where we’d spend our days picking blueberries and planting peppers.

Anyway, I treasure my time with the company and I’ll never, ever, ever forget about you.

Hopelessly yours

My Dearest Reshma, Please answer the following questionnaire.

For Options (a) 10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn’t control seeing me
(c) really … am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks a joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I’ll like your song

4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don’t know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend’s because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won’t feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don’t know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn’t get into your bus…
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn’t notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) you just felt like introducing me to them

8. I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don’t delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it’s getting ready to bloom.
If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love,
Aakash

===============================================

Reply

Reshma’s reply letter was also in Q/A format……..

Aakash,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes
(b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside….. Right
(a) Yes
(b) No

5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn’t you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a) Yes
(b) No

7) Shouldn’t I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) NO

8. You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana’s flower. Is it true?
(a) Yes
(b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That’s why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know?
(a) Yes
(b) No

If you have answered “Yes” to any of the question, then I do not love you.
If you have answered “No”, then you don’t know the meaning of Love.

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Funny Marriage Images

1. If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.

2. My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

3. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

4. With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

5. My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.

6. I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

7. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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8. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

9. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

10. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Woody Allen on Marriage..

Woody Allen & Scarlet Johanson

11. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

12. Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

13. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

14. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip

15. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? – George Carlin quotes

16. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey quotes

17. “Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts” -Jeff Foxworthy

18. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” -Groucho Marx

Funny Marriage Images

19. By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

20. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – H.V.Prochnow

21. “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

22. “The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” -Bertrand Russell

23. “It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” -Robert Frost

24. I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.

25. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage. William Shakespeare quotes

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2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

• Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD
• After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE….

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4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD.

He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.

Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?

It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this :

Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness – Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. “A Ship is always safe at the shore – but that is NOT what it is built for” – Albert Einstein

*************

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

*************

3) I couldn’t live without tension.

*************

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

*************

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : “karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo..”

*************

6) Everything in life has a reason; I wanted to prove it wrong.

*************

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself
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He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decisionis made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

• PVNR is asked to spell “INDIA” and he does it correctly.
• Advani is asked to spell ” ENGLAND” and he too passes.
• It is Laloo’s turn and he is asked to spell “CZECHOSLOVAKIA“.

Laloo protests that he doesn’t know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

• PVNR is asked to write “KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW“. He writes it easily and passes.
• Advani is asked to write “BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN“. He too passes.
• Laloo is asked to write* “BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR…..” * Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren’t), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

• PVNR is asked: “When did India get Independence?“. He replied “1947″ and passed.
• Advani is asked “How many people died during the independence struggle?” He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
• It’s Laloo’s turn now.Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

***** Moral of the story *****

IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE

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1. Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
2. Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
3. You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
4. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
5. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
6. Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
7. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
8. Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
9. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
10. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
11. You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
12. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
13. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
14. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
15. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
16. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
17. Man: Is there any way for long life?
    Dr: Get married.
    Man: Will it help?
    Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
18. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
19. Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
20. It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
21. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
22. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it!

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Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:

I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:

You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING:

She’s an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF:

She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:

Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF:

And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:

I’m certain that isn’t feasible.

INSTEAD OF:

No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING:

Really?

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INSTEAD OF:

You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:

Perhaps you should check with…

INSTEAD OF:

Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:

I wasn’t involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:

It’s not my f____ing problem.

TRY SAYING:

That’s interesting.

INSTEAD OF:

What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:

I’m not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:

This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING:

I’ll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:

Why the f___ing h _ll didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:

He’s not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:

He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:

Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF:

Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:

So you weren’t happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:

Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:

I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:

F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:

I don’t think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:

Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:

I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF:

This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:

You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:

He’s somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF:

He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources
[ad#Adsense Image Banner - H]

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay. !

The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.[ad#Adsense Image Banner - V]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

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* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist.”

* * * * * * * * *

If you DON’T forward this in 1 minute you will

have bad sex for life!!!

&while i’m at it.

Because u opened this, u will get kissed on friday by

the person u luv!! & 2morrow will be da best day of ur life, so

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN!!!!!! IF U BREAK IT, U WILL HAVE

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS!!!!!!!!

As wordpress.com offered limited functionality for blogs hosted on their site, We are in the process of shifting the CoolEmails Blog to a new domain (www.coolemails4u.com).

It is still under development and a lots of features are coming to it, with full integration with Facebook Connect and Twitter. Please do test the new site and let us know your feedback in the comments section.

Thank you for appreciating us and we hope we continue providing you with coolest and the funniest emails in the coming years.

Yours Truly,
Administrator – CoolEmails

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A guy was deeply in love with his classmate.
One day he proposed to her by saying that he loved her a lot….
But she was angry and refused and threatened him that she’d complain to the Principal if he ever bothers her again.
One day the girl borrowed a text book from that boy and wrote a message “I love you too, I’m sorry to hurt you the other day. if u’ve forgiven me, please come and talk to me and never leave me.” in that book.

But the guy never talked to her.

4 yrs went away and nothing happened..

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Moral of the story

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Engineering boys never open their books!!!

Hurry……. Hurry……. Hurry……. Hurry……. Hurry……. Hurry…… for booking now……..

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Bajaj New Bike

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.

I’m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

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Will this resume be shortlisted ??

Employer’s reply……

Dear Peggy,

It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check…..

Welcome onboard!!

(Passing the Test, requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI’s first name?
What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below.

ANSWERS

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI’s first name?
Albert
What color is a purple finch?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange (of course!)

What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too…!!! (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Pass this on to some “brilliant” friends, so that they may feel useless too!

DEAD Pieces ARE TO BE DRUNK by the killer.

DEAD Pieces ARE TO BE DRUNK by the killer.

Sania Mirza & Shoaib Mailk Update

Haaay, Yeh maine kya kiya…….Mujhe sharm a rahi hai..us ko naheen

Sania Mirza & Shoaib Mailk Update

Main nahin dekh sakta yeh sab kuch……mujhe haya aati hai….. par tumhein nahin aati……

Sania Mirza & Shoaib Mailk Update

Is ko shalwar kaise pehnaon………..

Sania Mirza & Shoaib Mailk Update

Zyaada fikr karne ki zaroorat nahin Hain….. Chup Chaap baithey raho…..

Bas yahaan baith kar bag ka khayal rakho aur ball jama karo….samjhey……..

Abba tum par nazar rakhingey.

please follow the guide.

1. First close one of your eye .
2. Move your mouse point at the red ‘! “.
3. Press ctrl+a
4. Then u’ll see the result.

Stupid !

People ask you to do something and u do it without applying your mind

YOur eye sight is allright,But YoUr Mind has gOt Problem hehehehe .. Ha..HA..HA.. !!!

NOW ENOUGH…GO BACK TO UR WORK …

I am also a VICTIM of this ..

If u r angry THEN SEND IT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND ..

How? The other beggar asked.

First begger: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.
The Taj manager called the police man, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed!!

Yosemite National Park

This park was gazetted as a national park in 1890. It is world famous for its rugged terrain, geysers, waterfalls and century-old pine trees. It covers 1200 sq km and the “fire” waterfall of El Capitan is one of the most spectacular of all scenery.

Yosemite National Park

The spectacular view of the waterfall is created by the reflection of sunlight hitting the falling water at a specific angle. This rare sight can only be seen during a 2-week period towards the end of February. To photograph this rare event, photographers would often have to wait and endure years of patience in order to capture it. The reason is because its appearance depends on a few natural phenomena occurring at the same time, and luck.

First is the formation of the waterfall. The water is formed by the melting of snow and ice at the top of the mountain. It melts between the month of December and January and by the end of February there might not be much snow left to melt.

Second is the specific angle of the sun’s rays hitting the falling water. The sun’s position must be exactly at a particular spot in the sky. This occurs only in the month of February and during the short minutes of dusk. If it is a day full of clouds or something is obscuring the sun, you can only take pictures of your own sorry faces on the waterfall. It coincides with the fact that the weather in the National Park at that time of the year is often volatile and unpredictable. It compounds the difficulty of getting these pictures.

However, someone DID and we all get to see them in the gallery below: