The Plush Shark Hat is adorable, frightening, and funny at the same time.  Not to disrespect the lady in the costume, but there must be a reason that she hasn’t gotten a higher acting job than pretending to be terrified while wearing a shark hat.  (To be honest, she’s probably not an actor and is just a worker at Neatoshop.)  The blank, vacant look in the shark’s eyes is what really makes the Plush Shark Hat awesome.  How else can you feed yourself to sea-dwelling killers without actually injuring yourslef?  Inspiration: video game where you try to fight off huge versions of scary animals, but you always get destroyed.  It would be fun, plus it would help the zoo-goers who think that it’s a good idea to stick their arms into chimpanzee cages not get their limbs taken off.  Yeah, PEOPLE DO THAT.  Wipe that look of disbelief off of your face.

The Plush Shark Hat is $20, a great price for a hat!  Those 59/50 hats that make me look like an undesirable are around $50, and the Plush Shark Hat is definitely my taste.  Looking sketchy?  Not really my taste.

This awesome hat is geeky, and you’d also like Anatomical Brain Pendant if you thought that the shark hat was pretty awesome.

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Plush Shark Hat is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Ouchlet Bandaid Outlet Cover is saving dimwits everywhere from electrifying their brains!  Of course, it’s also helpful for those trying to keep the mini geeks from sticking a fork in these convenient fork-sized holes, and we can’t make fun of them since they don’t know any better.  Look – their dad is wearing an Adult Star Wars Bath Robe and stuffing his face with Bacon Frosting - it’s not like he’s going to show them the way to safety!  He probably will show them the way to mastery of CSS, though, if he buys the CSS For Babies Book.

The Ouchlet Bandaid Outlet Cover is a geeky way to keep your outlets covered up and out of the hands of slobbering children.  This geeky cover is $5, and will be coming to Perpetual Kid soon!  You can jump on over there and pre-order it now if you would like to.  Or, of course, you could get away from the computer and go frolic outside with the unicorns, but that would be bad for business.  SIT DOWN.

If you are a guy who needs lots and lots of bandages, check out the Underpants Bandages and the Bacon Bandages.

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Ouchlet Bandaid Outlet Covers is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Remote Control Tissue Box seems, to me, to be a sick joke.  (Get it?  SICK joke?  ”How did you get into my subconscious?”)  But, seriously, this geeky RC toy is a sick, sick, joke.  Hey, you know what would be awesome?  If we drove the Remote Control Tissue Box over to that guy lying down in bed.  Just watch him try to reach down and grab a tissue.  *Man falls off of the bed*  Ha!  Did you – did you see that?  He – he fell of the bed, trying to grab a tissue off of the floor.  ”I’m firing you two male nurses when I get up off of the floor!”  *Drives tissue box around the room*

The Remote Control Tissue Box is probably good for more than making people with the flu fall out of their beds, though – it can be used to transport snacks if you happen to be hanging with a bunch of people who are physically incapable of standing up and grabbing a piece of candy from the other side of the table.  Just pour the candy into your handy dandy RC toy, and drive it on over to them so they can stuff their mouths without moving their legs!  Unless, of course, their legs just kick with excitement whenever they eat!  *Man bangs his shin on the table while kicking with ecstasy*  The Remote Control Tissue Box is usually $120, but I found it online for just $70 via the buy link below.  What a deal!  OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!

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Remote Control Tissue Box is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Color Changing Umbrella from Firebox does exactly what the title implies: eats your domestic animals!  Nah, nah, just messing with you – only the giant centipedes that I told you about before eat your kittens and puppies.  What the Color Changing Umbrella actually does is let you brighten up the rainstorm with a bit of color!  Unfortunately, the colors you see above are not LED produced, but the rain drops are coated with a white paint that becomes transparent when wet.  Then, when the water evaporates. the raindrops turn white again.  Of course, you could always buy an umbrella that always has colorful raindrops, but that wouldn’t be as geeky, would it?  Just like you could buy normal candles instead of the Star Wars Lightsaber Candles, but then you couldn’t hit people with a candlestick that looks like a futuristic weapon.

The Color Changing Umbrella is only $31, cheaper than a ton of other things I’ve posted about, and turns science into color!  Actually, the rain turns the strange white paint into color, but you get what I’m saying.  Great idea: invent an umbrella that turns the rain different colors.  ”Realization: that’s impossible.”  Oh, yeah?  Well that’s probably what they told Benjamin Franklin before he invented the light bulb!  *Facepalm*  “Wrong inventor.”

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Color Changing Umbrella is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Star Wars Adult Bath Robes give you the power of the force… while you’re lounging nude in your bathroom.  What a wonderful idea!  There are two types of these geeky garments: the black as night imperial robe, with the logo of the imperial forces on it, and the beige as beige light side garment, which has the jedi logo imprinted onto it.  Just a note for those who are especially gullible: the super awesome lightsabers are not included, though they should be.  Seriously – who’s going to pay $78 for a bath robe?  *Man blushes*  Henry, you DIDN’T.  Well, there goes this month’s rent.  I might as well get myself one to keep me warm while I sleep under the bridge.  ”Get the dark side one and we can fight each other!”

The Star Wars Adult Bath Robes are the pinnacle of geekiness for adults.  These are basically bath robes with hoods on them, but they’re also super comfy and 100% cotton, so they won’t irritate your sensitive skin.  Like I said earlier – yes, these are $78 a piece, which is way more expensive than staying one night at the Holiday Inn and just putting the complimentary bathrobes in your suitcase when you leave.  ”You’re not supposed to take those!”  Well, if they didn’t want me to take them, they should make their intentions more apparent.

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Star Wars Adult Bath Robes is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

Tabasco Spicy Chocolate adds a powerful Falcon Punch to every bit of delicious chocolate – each piece has been endowed with the gift of a few precious drops of liquid fire.  By liquid fire, I mean tabasco.  I don’t want to make the Tabasco Spicy Chocolate seem too spicy – it’s certainly not as flame-inducing as its cousin the Super Hot Ghost Pepper Candy Balls – but it’s not to be taken lightly by those who are untrained in the ways of eating fire.  ”So… I see here that one of your skills is… sword swallowing?  Mr. Kieffer, this is an actuarial accounting company.”  And?  ”We’re looking for accountants.”  I should have swallowed a larger sword.  You know what – Simon, I can sing something else if you want, and I can stop pretending to be the lion from the Wizard of Oz.  ”I’m calling security.”

The Tabasco Spicy Chocolate is for those who are unique, and like their food to represent themselves.  And we’re not talking about the kind of people that put their faces on cakes – that’s just kind of strange.  Eating your own face?  Kind of odd.  Eating someone else’s face?  Cannibalism, which is more understandable.  Hey – to each his own, right?  Unless it’s my face, because I plan on keeping that.

Check out the DIY Chocolate Making Kit if you like CHOCOLATE!  CHOCOLATE!  I’d like to buy all of your chocolate.  (Spongebob reference ftw.)

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Tabasco Spicy Chocolate is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Ghost Pepper super Hot Candy Balls are the hottest thing that you’ve ever tasted and will ever taste.  If you don’t have a tongue that can handle spicy foods, this geeky product is not for you.  These candy balls are covered in ghost pepper chili powder – this stuff is so spicy that there are warning labels telling you to wash your hands after you eat these, since the powder can burn your skin and eyes.  Fire eaters start crying like small children when they eat these super hot candy balls – they have 1 million SHU of heat.  That’s way over 9,000 my friends – way over 9,000.

The Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls come in boxes of 30 and cost $8 per box.  I repeat – these are very spicy.  Do not buy them and then complain that they are too spicy to eat, because they are supposed to be so spicy that all of your taste buds are obliterated in a wave of fire.

If the Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls set your heart on fire, you should check out the Giant Donut Cake Pan Set.  Eat too many of those, and your heart might stop, but at least it won’t go down in flames like a doomed Nascar driver.

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Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

Cupcake Jelly Beans combine two of my favorite geeky snacks: jelly beans and centipede wafers cupcakes.  These jelly beans are flavored like frosting covered cupcakes, and come in a super cool collectible tin that looks like a cupcake.  The epitome of sugar delight, the Cupcake Jelly Beans will have small children hopping off the walls.  ”Get down off those walls, boy!  You’re leaving shoe marks!”  Sorry, gramma.  ”You’re going to be sorry when you can’t sit down for a week!”  DON’T WHIP ME WITH THE BELT “No!  You can’t sit down because you’re stupid-self got fired because of the Zombie Head Pencil Holder and now the bank has repossessed all of our furniture!”

The Cupcake Jelly Beans are delicious, and much more edible than the also delicious Cupcake Toothpaste.  Which is less edible and less delicious than the cat nip I thought it would be a good idea to taste.  *Tastes cat nip*  Nope – still tastes like trash.  … *Tastes cat nip*  Maybe I’m not doing it right... *Goes to get a fork*

If you ate a couple of pillows because the Cupcake Jelly Beans made an earthquake in your belly, check out the Fossil Food Dinosaur Cupcake Molds.

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Cupcake Jelly Beans is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Zombie Head Pencil Holder is a… well… unique way of storing your pencils.  *coughing*  Who am I kidding THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER I hope my boss doesn’t care.  If he does, I suppose that it will have to go… I’ll just tell him that I quit very nicely.  What?  You thought I was going to give up my Zombie Head Pencil Holder?  Consider this information: you can stick your pencils into the convenient pencil-sized holes in its head to hold them, you can stick your paperclips in its empty eye socket, and you can put your envelopes in the slit in the back of its neck.  Whoever slew that zombie was a smart feller indeed.  These days, business is hard – entrepreneurs need to come up with more creative ideas like this.  When life gives you zombie hordes, you make pencil holders.  When life gives you lemons, you go to your refrigerator and pull out that can of RUN TO YOUR MOM BECAUSE I HAVE A BASEBALL BAT IN MY GARAGE and use it on life.

The Zombie Head Pencil Holder is handcrafted, so each one is a little bit different!  With uniqueness comes increased price – each of the Zombie Head Pencil Holders is $35!  That’s okay, though – if you want some cheaper zombie goods, you can hop on over to the Zombie Survival Can Energy Drink and the Zombie Wine Bottle Stopper.

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Zombie Head Pencil Holder is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer

The Astronaut Ice Cream Balls are the greatest space snack available to man!  The other more developed and delicious space snacks are only on planets where they’ve been doing this “space” thing for quite a while.  As in, since the beginning of their civilization.  They make jokes about humans in their living rooms, laughing about how we’re still trying to grow plants in space.  Also, about how we still get a kick out of drinking orange juice drops in a space shuttle.  Ha!  Haha!  The orange juice is floating, and the astronaut has to catch it on his tongue to drink it!  Classic.

The Astronaut Ice Cream Balls are only $4, and are a mixture of freeze dried vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate ice cream.  There’s nothing not to like about these little space goodies – they’re inexpensive, delicious, and bringing us to the future, one calorie at a time.  Just you wait – I’ll further science as much as my bloated belly will allow!  *Stuffs face*

If you love the Astronaut Ice Cream Balls, you’ll enjoy reading about the Hello Kitty Sushi Maker!

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Astronaut Ice Cream Balls is a post from: Cool Gizmo Toys

©2012 Cool Gizmo Toys. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Kieffer