End-of-the-school-year craziness running you down? Only to be slammed with the summer camp/vacation/keep ‘em busy routine? Seems like the modern parent barely has a moment to catch their breath.

Baltimore mompreneur Beata Lorinc is coming to the rescue! Beata, Executive District Manager: Arbonne Independent Consultant, has pulled together a team of health and wellness professionals and designed a 30-day total wellness transformation program. It’s about being healthier. Increasing energy and stamina. Sure, losing weight is part of it but it’s really about increasing wellness. Including mental clarity and better sleep.

Yeah, we could all use a little more of THAT.

“After struggling with the plague of fatigue, exhaustion, and excess weight, I finally had had enough.  Exercise only got me so far, and clean eating was my ideal goal, but being an entrepreneur and stay at home mom made ideal meals a little trickier,” said Beata.  “Arbonne came into my life last summer and I couldn’t be happier, and healthier.  I am down, almost 40 pounds, with some more to go, but most importantly I have more energy, more confidence, I’m happier and I’m a better mom for it all.”

We are thrilled to be partnering with Beata and her team to get the word out about the Summer Slim Down Challenge with Arbonne Pure Transformation. A 30-Day journey to better health that kicks off on June 3rd. She’s offering a special deal for (cool) progeny readers to participate in the program and we’ll be checking in with participants throughout June to report on what they are learning and how they are doing.

… and we know they are going to get ah-mazing results! The last time Beata ran this program, participants lost 8-17 pounds per person and reported incredible energy boosts.

“My vision is to enable each and every person to help themselves get healthy.  My team has now led well over 50 people through this 30 day journey and it is truly life changing,” said Beata.

What does the Summer Slim Down Challenge program include? Online support and personalized guidance, two meal replacements each day (vegan-certified, gluten-free protein shakes), clean eating and fitness. It utilizes Arbonne’s Feeling Fit Kit which includes:

• 2 Protein Shake Mixes (30 servings each – Vanilla and/or Chocolate; 20 grams of protein a serving)
• 2 energy fizz sticks (caffeine replacement/natural energy booster)
• 2 bags of fit chews (30 chews each – chocolate, caramel or lemon) (sugar/carb craving busters/energy boost)
• 2 Herbal Detox tea
• 1 Daily Fiber Boost (30 servings)
• 1 Feeling Fit Guide

Online support and individualized planning is free-of-charge. Participants need only pay for the Feeling Fit Kit ($299). Find out more about the products on Beata’s website or her facebook page.

Want to get in on the action? Contact Beata directly at beata.myarbonne@gmail.com. You’ll need to place your order for the Feeling Fit Kit with her by May 24th! Because the program is virtual, ANYONE from the US, UK, Australia and Canada can participate.

(COOL) DEAL FOR CP READERS: Join the program with a friend or family member and the second kit is 1/2 off! Just be sure to tell Beata you want the (cool) progeny BOGO deal when you sign up. {Note, you won’t find this deal mentioned on her site — just here!}

Editor’s Note: (cool) progeny’s partnership in this challenge is sponsored by Beata Lorinc, Executive District Manager: Arbonne Independent Consultant. We LOVE helping local momprenuers! And this is a total win-win. Building local mom-owned businesses and helping other moms become healthier. Perfect combination.

Look at me! Look at me! Mommy, watch! Wahhhh!

There are plenty of ways that kids ask for attention and plenty of ways that they should receive it. Attention from parents shows love, affection, feedback, observations on the world, humor and the important message that kids are worth paying attention to.

Because I’m me and I get some intellectual stimulation through thinking about ways to make parenting easier for parents and “better” for kids, I think about how and when I give attention a lot.

You’re having lunch with your child. It’s just the two of you and you’re both quietly chewing. While you eat, you are spending most of your time simply staring at your child. They are receiving all of your attention and eye contact. After a little while, they begin to wiggle around or make uncouth noises (things that they know they shouldn’t do while sitting at the table). You give them even more eye contact and now also add your words and body language to paying attention to them. It’s difficult for them to stop acting goofy and eventually you have to enact a consequence for their un-mannerly behavior.

What happened? Everything was going fine. Usually when someone is staring at us, we think that they expect something. We say, “What?!” Is there something in my teeth? Are you waiting for me to talk? It’s the same for kids. Maybe they think that you want a show. Well, here you go. Admission = free.

Use your attention wisely

When you’re eating lunch with your child, isn’t the focus pretty much on the food? If that’s where your focus is (as well as on occasional conversation), then you’re showing your expectation of them. The same is true when you ask a child to get dressed. If they’re young-ish and still need some help with it, you can be there, but keep your eyes on the task at hand as much as you can. If you’re looking at them and not at the leg holes of their pants as they struggle to put them on, then your attention might be on the wrong thing and might help them move their focus elsewhere, too.

Let’s look at homework time. You’re helping with those tricky math problems. They’d like to give up or at least rely on you to get them started. If you keep looking at the work and stay quiet, they will most likely look back at it too since they’re not getting any attention from you. Those extra few minutes of thinking might be just what they need to do it themselves. And you helped without helping! The best kind!

He took my toy! You hear the whining yell from the next room. A distraught face attached to a downtrodden body will soon be entering your world. This child wants you to get involved. They want your attention and your powers of “persuasion” on their side in the battle against brother! They also know that whining is a really good way to get that attention because it’s loud and annoying. So they’re going to usually get something for their tear-stained trouble. It might not be that you get the toy back for them, but you might still give them a little loving or reassurance, which is the next best thing. Or at the very least, they might get some negative attention from you because they’re whining.

Attention is attention is attention

When kids act out in school, they are often looking for… attention. When they get attention for acting out, it’s usually negative. Think about what “negative” attention looks like. It’s usually pretty intense. This is when “Look at me when I’m speaking to you!” is said by adults. There is tons of uninterrupted eye contact and talking to the child. Each of your senses is focused on them. If kids don’t get attention in more “appropriate” ways, then they’ll look for it however they can get it. But in the same vein, if they’re looking for it inappropriately, then they should receive as little attention as possible.

Paying too much attention to a kid’s negative behaviors could very well increase the likelihood that they will continue. Everytime I hit my sister, mom looks over here and says my name. Attention without proper inattentive consequences (like time-outs or ignoring the whines) may just keep the cycle going.

Give them that attention when you see them doing something that you like. It’s more difficult to notice and catch, but it’ll pay you back far more than catching them doing something naughty.

Attend. Ignore. Attend. Ignore.

And remember, sometimes taking away the audience (you!) means that the show will have to stop.

If you’ve been watching my instagram feed, you’ve probably realized I may need an app intervention. I’ve become completely obsessed with my newest photo editing app: A Beautiful Mess.

I was scrolling through my Instagram on Tuesday night when a good friend posted this adorable photo of her sleeping son. Insta-photo-app-envy!

So I quickly pinged her to find out what app she was using, immediately downloaded it and have been experimenting every since.

Created by fashion, DIY and lifestyle bloggers Elsie and Emma, A Beautiful Mess lets you add the perfect amount of whimsy to your iPhone photos and then share the photos through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or email. You can apply a photo filter, write text, add borders and doodles — without the need to switch apps. The basic/shell app is 99 cents and then you can purchase font, doodle, background and border extension packages. It’s a pretty sweet deal.

Why do I love it? Combines my desire (and-good-intentions-yet-I-never-seem-to-have-the-time) to scrapbook and my need to take a million pictures of my kids into one handy app.

Note that when you use the app to post to Instagram, it will automatically insert a hashtag for the app. So, yes, I did unintentionally tag a photo of the Little Lion Man with #ABeautifulMess. Oh, the irony.

If there ever was a hashtag to sum up my life, this would be it! I’m kinda dreaming about a Printstgram calendar full of these images, too!

You can download the app from the iTunes store. You’ll need to be connected to wifi because it’s a pretty big one. Definitely be sure to download before your first summer trip!

Before the little lion man was born, I spent two days filling our downstairs freezer with meals. I knew that the last thing I wanted to do was try and figure out dinner with a newborn. Then we became NICU residents in and it was lucky if we ate at home at all.

We are starting to eat home more often (let’s say, one or two days per week). Of course, many of the freezer meals I prepared have cheese in them and because of the little guy’s suspected milk protein allergy, I’m off dairy for the time being. So much for planning, right?

Luckily, some of the meals can be modified for dairy-free. For example, our Cilantro Lime Chicken became Cilantro Lime Chicken Nachos with guacamole rather than cheese and sour cream. Best part? It cooks in the crock pot all day and requires zero brain power or time to throw together. Enjoy!

Dairy-Free Cilantro Lime Chicken Nachos

Adapted from Six Sisters

Serves 4, Cook Time:

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 pounds chicken breasts
• Juice from 2 limes
• 1 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
• 1 (16 oz) bag frozen corn
• 2 minced garlic cloves
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
• Paprika
• Mexican Seasoning
• salt and pepper to taste
• Fresh guacamole
• Organic Tortilla Strip Chips (or your fav tortilla chips)

Directions
Place all ingredients except guacamole and chips in a resealable gallon-sized freezer bag. Mix together and zip bag closed.
When ready to eat, remove from freezer and thaw in fridge for 24 hours. Cook on low  for 8 hours (or high for 4 hours).  Spread chicken, corn and black beans over top a bed of tortilla chips. Top with guacamole. ENJOY!

If you’re not familiar with the BMA, this gem is neighbors with The Johns Hopkins University’s Homewood Campus in Charles Village. The BMA has its own paid parking lot and there is metered parking available on Art Museum Drive and nearby Charles Street. The museum itself is free all the time (save some traveling special exhibits on occasion), as is the Sunday family art program. Each month, the free family art program focuses on a specific theme, and each week’s activities relate back to this theme. When we visited in March, the theme was Back in Time. The theme for April was Animal Hunt.

My two jewelry-loving girls were happy to learn that the activity of the day was to fashion your own elegant jewelry using a variety of beads, baubles and found gadgets and objects. Items that would otherwise be discarded, like bottle caps and scraps of heavy cardboard, could be transformed into charms for a necklace or bracelet. Strips of heavy cardstock and thicker magazine pages were carefully rolled into one-of-a-kind beads to be strung on a necklace. There was ribbon, thick wire (that required some adult assistance) and twisty electrical wire to hold the beads. And, of course, there was glue—lots and lots of tacky glue—and some duct tape to bring it all together. The inspiration board looked like it could have been plucked from a display booth at a hip craft show with chunky necklaces, some with cascading beads and other with modern pendants.

The room was packed, but there were plenty of supplies and seats for everyone. And the mixed ages made it unique—there were clusters of tweens and middle schoolers creating jewelry that could be seen in an Anthropologie catalog alongside families with younger kids. Just like on our last trip to the Creative Alliance, now 6-year-old Olive worked intensely for over 30 minutes making her own beads and then brainstorming the perfect way to bring it all together. The staff was quick to come to hear aid with some needle-nose pliers, heavy wire and some creative guidance. Millie was happy to string some beads and go to town with the glue and bottle caps opting for some more abstract and less wearable jewelry.

Sadly, we needed to craft and dash because we had one hungry baby waiting for a snack and a nap. We did stop for a quick “hello” and pose with the Thinker, but we left before exploring the new Contemporary Wing or the Sculpture Garden. But, then, it’s always good to leave a little something to look forward to in the next visit. Next time, we’ll arrive earlier and book a table for brunch at Gertrude’s so I could get my crab quiche fix.

(cool) tip: Can’t make it on Sunday for the art projects? Get the skinny on 20 objects around the museum with the free kid-friendly audio tour.

The Baltimore Museum of Art

10 Art Museum Drive
Baltimore, MD 21218
443-573-1700
Hours: The museum is open Wednesday-Friday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday-Sunday 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The museum is closed Mondays and Tuesdays.

Waterfront Partnership’s First Summer Social of 2013 is tonight from 5pm to 8pm! Head to West Shore Park for an evening of live music by Sons of Pirates, food trucks, drinks and a kids play area! Don’t let a little rain in the forecast scare you — a large portion of West Shore Park has been tented just in case. Of course, we’re hoping the weather holds out!

What food can you score? Gypsy Queen, Chicken N’ Waffles, Chowhound, Woody’s Taco Bar, Busia’s Kitchen, Kommie Pig, Eat STIX (out of D.C.), Flavor Cupcakery, and That Cheesecake Truck (also out of D.C.). Wash down your chicken and cupcake with a $3 beer, $4 wine or $6 mixed drink. You can still nab a two-drink-ticket-plus-summer-social-koozie-special for $8 but have to do it in advance.

Kids will flip (literally) for the Waterfront Kids Play Area where Coppermine will be setting up some sports activities and Wondersitter will be onsite with lots of fun toys from aMuse.

You might even win big! Harbor East will be raffling off a Jacoby Jones autographed football, Coppermine will be raffling off a birthday party, and Wondersitter will be raffling off a 4-hour babysitting package!

Although Waterfront Partnership recommends walking, bicycling, or taking the Charm City Circulator which stops right at West Shore Park, there are also some great parking options!

• Parking Lot at Bank and Central (located a block down from Heavy Seas Ale House) in SE Baltimore:  $3 if you enter after 4PM – it is a 15 minute walk to West Shore Park or you can jump on the CCC
• The Gallery Garage: flat fee after 4PM on Fridays –the garage is located at 200 East Pratt Street with an entrances on Calvert and South Streets (6 minute walk)
• Harbor East Whole Foods garage, Maryland/ Landmark garage and Legg Mason garage – $9 flat rate 5PM to 3AM (15 minute walk)
• Key Highway – $2/ hour at the Pay to Park Stations – some areas are 2 hour maximum and others are 4 hour maximum (5 minute walk)

Looks like a super fun evening!

Eggs are a morning staple at our house because they’re a great source of protein, and they’re super easy to serve up when time is of the essence. So, like, every morning. Well, almost every morning.

We’re lucky to have access to free-range, organic eggs from my parents on a weekly basis. They keep about 25 beautiful chickens on their property, and have enough eggs for themselves, some for us, and a few extra dozen they’re able to sell locally.

But, even if you don’t have access to fresh eggs from your parents like I do, there are other ways to get your hands on them. Try a farmers’ market, join a CSA that includes eggs as part of the share, or even investigate some locally owned, community supported grocery stores! There’s nothing like eating a fresh egg, straight from the farm – you’ll never turn back!

Fried Eggs – Sunnyside Up

Prep: 5 minutes | Cook: 5 Minutes | Serves: 1

Ingredients:
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon butter
Salt and pepper

Directions:
Add the butter to a small nonstick skillet, and then place it on the stovetop to preheat between medium and medium-high heat.

Once the butter has melted and starts to look foamy crack the eggs into the skillet. Some people find it easier to crack the eggs into a small bowl first, and then pour them into the skillet. By doing it that way you can recover from a broken yolk or piece of shell – do whichever you’re more comfortable with!

Let the eggs cook for 2 minutes, then sprinkle them with salt and pepper. Cover the skillet with a lid, or with aluminum foil, and continue cooking for 3 more minutes – or until the whites are cooked bubbly and cooked through, and the yolks are as firm (or runny) as you like.

Gently slide the eggs out of the skillet and onto a plate.

Repeat the process if you’re serving more than 1 person, and serve with bacon or sausage (for meat-eaters) and buttered toast.

(cool) tip: This makes for a great “breakfast for dinner” meal too!

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week in the girls’ schools.  We have been so blessed with amazing teachers that love my girls as much as we do and have taught them SO much!  I don’t think you can ever do too much to show how much you appreciate the people who are such a big part of our children’s lives.

So, I was on a mission to find something cute and that the girls could help with to send in for their teachers.  I have seen this adorable colored pencil vase a few places on the internet and we just tweaked it to make it our own.  You are not going to believe how easy this is and how cute it looks when you are finished!

Supplies you need:

A Crystal Light can (or comparable container)
20-25 pencils (more or less depending on the type of vase/can you use).  A Crystal Light can requires about 20 pencils.
3 rubber bands to hold the can in place.
Some colorful ribbon to cover the rubber bands
Pretty flowers (cut them from your own garden or snag some on your grocery store run)

How to Make a Colored Pencil Vase

Put the rubber bands around your container, space them apart.  Then just tuck the pencils in behind the rubber bands.  You can keep the pencils standing straight up or tilt them a little like we did ours.

Once you have enough pencils to completely cover the can or vase, cut strips of ribbon to wrap around the vase, covering the rubber bands. And that’s it, you are done!

We attached a cute “Thanks For Helping Me Grow” tag and viola! it A fun gift ready for an amazing teacher!

Just for  (cool) progeny readers,  download the printable tag, print and use for your teacher appreciation gifts!

(cool) tip: For more teacher appreciation gift ideas, check out our teacher love board on pinterest!

I’m one of those people that laughs at funerals. It’s a trait that throws people off because, as a good friend reminded me recently, I’m a ‘bit of a pleaser.’ Give me a tense situation and I crack an inappropriate joke or start swearing like a truck driver. It’s a complete deflection — gives my overstimulated brain an opportunity for rapid analysis. I blame my parents. Some people teach their kids to think before they speak. Mine taught me to laugh before you cry.

My bizarre coping mechanism has served me well (hairy eyeballs aside), both professionally and personally. But never so well as it as the last three months.

Three months ago, I became a NICU mom.

Since curling up in a ball and hiding in the closet wasn’t the most productive of options, humor — and fraying threads of grace — have had to suffice.

When you learn your pregnant and start thinking about adding this new little person to your family, you don’t ever think about including ‘neonatal intensive care unit’ in the game plan. It catches you off guard, like an unintended sucker punch that quite literally snatches your breath away. For months. I think I’ve exhaled exactly three times in the last 90 days.

Last February, Pat, the Bug and I welcomed a beautiful little boy into our family. Our Little Lion Man. Like his sister, he’s got a bit of a flare for the dramatic. Within thirty seconds of making his arrival after a relatively uneventful labor, he had the neonatal intensive care team at his side. He wasn’t breathing. Blue. Quick action from the labor and delivery nurses and he inhaled. Two minutes later he was whisked away to the NICU. I didn’t see him for six hours.

Over the next few days, we learned that the little guy was born with Pierre Robin Sequence. Characterized by a small, recessed jaw and cleft palate, his difficult upper airway makes basic functions like inhaling and swallowing extremely challenging. So little things like breathing and eating are a bit tough {See? Inappropriate mischaracterization aimed at lightening the severity of the issue. Classic me.} At first, it seemed like his case was relatively minor as his oxygen sats were in the ‘ok’ range. But after four days of struggling to breathe, he’d used up all his reserves. He was transported to the Johns Hopkins Children’s Hospital NICU.

Outside of a one week ‘vacation’ to Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital, we’ve been there ever since.

I’m not going to pretend this has a picnic, but we’ve counted ourselves extremely lucky. Our little guy’s prognosis is so amazingly good. His issues are mechanical. Fixable. Holding on to that doesn’t make the journey any easier or the decisions any lighter, but it does help keep all of us going when exhaustion seems overwhelming. Makes those middle-of-the-night hospital milk runs, 1 AM phone calls from doctors, 12 hour hospital visit marathons followed by cooking a ‘real family dinner,’ our regular bath routine for the preschooler and five hours of post-bedtime catch-up work a tiny bit more doable. Not that we’re doing any of it well. But we are doing it.

Little Lion Man has had four trips to the operating room and is scheduled for a fifth on Tuesday. When I think about what Pat and I have agreed to let modern medicine do to our kid, it reads like a court order for termination of parental rights. Yes, I did consent to my son’s jaw being broke. Yes, I did consent to giving him morphine knowing full well he would become dependent on the opiate and we would need to eventually control withdraw symptoms. Rehab for neonates? We’ve done that. Yes, I did consent to punching a hole in his upper airway and inserting a piece of plastic tubing (a trache) so he can breath. Yes, I did consent to running another piece of plastic tubing through his nose and down his throat so he can eat.

These things have saved his life. Check out that million dollar jaw.

Isn’t he cute? {{Yes, I am his mother and I am completely biased. But he is going to be quite the heartbreaker one day.}}

You may be wondering why Pat and I have chosen to stay quiet about this major part of our lives for so long, given that many of you have been reading about our family life online for the last three years.

Well, we were making inappropriate jokes and swearing. Deflecting. Analyzing. Trying to figure out the right decisions for our son. Trying to make sure his older sister didn’t get lost in our day/night shift hospital shuffle. Hoping like hell we weren’t screwing either kid up badly enough that they’ll need anything more than a tiny bit of therapy in their twenties. Thankful for our incredible friends and family network that has supported us through this roller coaster.

Barring any more g-force plummets, our little guy is coming home in the next few weeks. Because the flicker at the end of the tunnel has grown a bit brighter, we’re feeling like we can start telling our story. So over the next few weeks and months, we’ll be sharing glimpses into our new normal. Which, for the most part, has been no normal. A few wise cracks. A couple of good belly laughs. One or two good cries in the car. Exhaling in the most unlikely of places and situations. Midnight dinners. Endless conversations with a parade of revolving doctors. Frustration. Relief. Rinse and repeat.

A friend of mine recently wrote me and said “You’re impressing the hell of out me with how together you look online. I’m guessing real life isn’t so pretty.”

She’s right. It hasn’t been. A recent glimpse in the mirror proved that {hello I-haven’t-slept-in-three-months-dark-circles}. It’s been rocky. It’s been grueling. Like when you get to the 22nd mile of a marathon and have to break through the wall. You can’t see the finish line but you know it’s there.

It’s been beautiful.

Who would want to be a kid these days? If I was given the chance to stay in the present day, but miraculously be 6 again, I would probably pass. For pete’s sake, the SATs are scored out of 2400 now. I don’t even know what that’s about.

As with most generations, I look back on the “simple” days of childhood, when playing outside, going to girl scouts and renaming my Barbies were my main activities. If I was a kid today, I might be learning Chinese, going to academic summer camps and organizing a mission trip to Africa. These extra expectations and activities aren’t all bad, but they can put undue pressure onto kids who aren’t equipped to handle it. So, in this new, higher pressure world, what can we do to help kids be successful with the demands put upon them?

How do we build resilience in kids? How can we help them bounce back from adverse or trying situations? How can we help them persevere through struggle? How can we teach them not to give up? If there were really succinct answers to these questions, then we would all be supremely motivated, confident, resilient people ourselves. As it is, these ideas are tricky to focus in on and even trickier to develop strategies for promoting. But that’s what I’m going to try to do. We have to talk about the big ideas even if they’re rather nebulous.

See progress in terms of trying rather than “smarts.”

Dr. James Stigler is a psychology professor at UCLA. He has done research on learning around the world. He was quoted in a story done in November by NPR (Struggle for Smarts? How Eastern and Western Cultures Tackle Learning) about how the struggle for students in Asian cultures is commended rather than their innate ability (or smartness) to tackle a problem.

I hear parents comment on the smartness of their kids fairly often. It’s a pretty routine way to praise. “Smart boy” says the parent whose kid just put something back where it belongs. Praising smartness instead of “struggle” can be a means to an end. If I believe that the reason that I’m successful at things is because I’m smart, then what happens when I’m not successful? Am I not smart? If things have come easily for me because I’m smart and now they don’t, why should I continue to try? I’ve essentially reached the limits of my smartness.

On the other hand, if the trying and the struggle are focused on instead of my smartness, then I just need to keep on trying in order to be successful. When I give up trying, I will be giving up on success.

So when praising, parents should think about what their goal is: Do I want trying to be the ideal? Or do I want to emphasize their intelligence instead?

Give kids an opportunity to struggle

You hear the tell-tale harumph from the other room. It’s homework time and that noise could mean frustration, defeat, disgust. Your first instinct is to go in and check on them. Then you rethink and stay where you are, listening for more noises. By stopping or stepping back when our kids are frustrated, we are giving them the chance to try. We are giving them the chance not to give up. We are giving them the chance to persevere. If we do step in, then we are taking some of the responsibility away from them. This also means that we are taking away some of the pride that they would feel if they were able to figure it out themselves.

Kids need the chance to pick themselves up after a fall. They need the chance to fail at tying their shoes the first 30 times before getting it right. We can’t learn things for them and if we step in too often, then we also run the risk of not letting them learn to keep on trying. Don’t let that harumph be their cry for rescue that always is answered. Praise their perseverance and tell them that after they try for another 10 minutes, then you can help them. You might never need to if they can figure it out before then.

Building resilience and perseverance in kids is a tall order, but these two small strategies might start us on the right road; the road less traveled perhaps that has many pitfalls along the way- perfect for learning to overcome struggle.

“Everyone is expected to struggle in the process of learning, and so struggling becomes a chance to show that you, the student, have what it takes emotionally to resolve the problem by persisting through that struggle.”