Corby O'Connor Etiquette & Protocol

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 16:05:13 PDT

Stand for All

Most of us are familiar, thank goodness, with the simple courtesies. We know when to say please and thank you, we hold the door for the person behind us and, although we sometimes forget, we know to send a thank you note after we receive a gift.

There is another courtesy which, in the past, was as common as those above but we seldom see today. It is the simple, but powerful, act of standing up when we greet someone. Rising when you are either introduced to a person for the first time or when you greet an acquaintance is a gesture that never goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

Consider this scenario. Two businessmen are sitting and chatting in an office. A coworker of one stops by. Both remain seated and introductions are made. After making small talk the visitor moves on. Not necessarily rude behavior, but not respectful behavior.

Had both men risen when the visitor entered the office and introductions made from a standing position, the visitor would have left with a better feeling about himself and, most likely, a good impression of the men.

Like addressing individuals with the proper titles; Mr., Ms., Doctor, standing when greeting someone is a traditional way we tell the individual he is important in our eyes. This act is the first step in establishing rapport. When a gesture, even as small as this one, is done for the benefit of another; when someone focuses directly on us, with their eyes, their words and their actions, we react positively because he has made us feel good. He has made us feel valued.

College admission counselors also admit to being impressed with students who stand upon introduction or when another individual enters the room. They say it indicates the student is aware of others, has respect for his surroundings and for the occasion.

Unless you are strapped into your seat, rise when you greet someone. Stand up for your subordinates, your co-workers, your boss, your children and your children’s friends. Let each know he means something to you by making this almost effortless gesture.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 10:36:19 PST

Telephone Conference Call Etiquette

For smooth running of the telephone conference calls, please assist by following these few suggestions.

1. Complete pre-assignments prior to the conference call. Become familiar with the guest faculty by reviewing the bio-sketch. Review suggested reading materials.

2. Hook onto call 2-5 minutes early so the conference can proceed in a timely manner.

3. Identify yourself when hooking onto the call, unless the conference has already begun. Please state your name and Team.

4. During the call, always introduce yourself and where you are from (for example, "Arizona Team") when you start to speak.

5. During the presentation by guest faculty, jot down your thoughts and questions so that you can later contribute to the discussion. Your active participation is the most important element of this distance learning opportunity.

6. When speaking, please limit the length of your question or remarks to allow for ample time for others to participate.

7. Please keep your phone on "mute" when not directly contributing to the discussion. Office noises carry into the conference call. In some instances, the noise will block others from hearing the discussion.

8. If you must temporarily leave the call for a very short period of time, just leave your mute button on and come back as soon as possible.

9. Check to see if your phone system has music or radio playing for customers on "hold". If so, do not use the "hold" button if you must leave the conference call momentarily. The music will play into the conference call.

10. If you must leave the call early, just hang up without interrupting the conversation.

Thank you so very much for contributing to this discussion call!

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 10:29:33 PST

Great Tips for Inviting Clients to Your Home for Dinner from my colleague and Etiquette Expert, Lydia Ramsey, author of Manners that Sell.

Kraft Foods has just released a new series of ads that will be aired on television over the coming year. The first one aired Sunday night, January 16th, during the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl on ESPN. The ads promote the all-American favorite, Mac & Cheese, and star the homeless man from Ohio with the "Golden Voice".

The scene is set in the home of the typical business man who has arrived for dinner with his business client in tow. You get the feeling that the guest's arrival was unannounced and unexpected by the wife who is clearly upset. The son is sitting in the background offering his view on what is taking place. The client/guest is obviously uncomfortable as he realizes that this was not a preplanned event with all parties in agreement.

So what should you do if you want to invite your client to your home for dinner? Is it even necessary? Under what circumstances should it be done?

Inviting a client to your home for a meal is less common today than in the past. Business people typically entertain clients and associates at restaurants. However, when there is a client who travels frequently, rarely has a home-cooked meal or has traveled from a foreign country, an invitation to a private home can be an unexpected treat. It is also a good way to build that important business/friendship relationship.

It should always be done under the right circumstances. Keep in mind these few points:

Check with your spouse first. That means asking permission.

Be sure that your home environment is welcoming. That means no sick and crying babies, no out-of-control teenagers or unruly pets.

If you have pets, make sure your guest has no pet allergies or phobias.

Your home needs to be clean, comfortable and ready for guests.

Be aware of your guest's dietary preferences. Inquire about allergies or restrictions. Your client may be avegetarian so ask first.

Keep an eye on the time for the sake of your business guest and your family.

Being invited to someone's home is an honor. It is important that everyone involved sees it that way and finds it to be a memorable event for all the right reasons.

If you want to learn more about what I have to say regarding inviting business clients to your home for dinner, read where I am quoted in the Dallas Observer in an article titled “Just What Year Does Kraft Foods Think ThisIs?”.

Happy Home Entertaining,

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 10:07:31 PST

Don't forget to write thank you notes for the gifts you received. Here are some tips:

Use a quality correspondence card or fold-over note.

Begin with a polite greeting such as "Dear Mary."

Keep your note simple and to the point.

Refer to the item specifically. Don't say, "Thank you for the gift."

Say how you will use it or perhaps already have. "The brownies were delicious."

Express your gratitude once more before you close.

Use an appropriate closing like "Sincerely," Gratefully" or "Warmest regards."

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 13:12:26 PST

Navigating the Holiday Minefield

Proper behavior in business settings can be a scary topic. It takes a long time to become completely comfortable with clients and colleagues. Then December comes along and businesspeople are expected to share greetings through holiday cards, gift buying, luncheons and cocktail parties. Whether you’ve just landed an entry-level office job, operate on the front lines with people who use your company’s product or service, run your own business, or hold any other position that involves maintaining business relationships, these tasks can seem overwhelming. They seem overwhelming because you don’t know the answers to questions like, “What do I wear?” “Who do I bring?” “Should I give a gift?” “Do I have to go?” There are too many opportunities to do the wrong thing! However, there are two guiding principles: treat each business contact as though he were the most important person in the world and always maintain your professionalism in all business settings. To assist you in interacting under these principles, here are five subjects to think about as you enjoy the holiday season with your colleagues and clients.

1. Gift Giving in the Office - Typically, gifts are given “down.” In other words, senior people give to their subordinates or the individuals who report directly to them. But, be aware of the particular gift-giving customs in your own business environment. If you are new, ask around. Often a supervisor will treat his or her staff to a holiday lunch. When gifts are exchanged, they should not be of a personal nature. It is not expected that an employee give to his supervisor. If an employee chooses to give his supervisor a gift, it should just be a “token” gift, perhaps holiday cookies or candy. It is also not necessary to exchange gifts with coworkers. However, if you are invited to someone’s home for a holiday party, bring a gift such as a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine or a holiday plant. If you host a holiday party, acknowledge any gift you receive with a thank you note.

2. Client Gift Giving and Holiday Cards – Everyone loves to receive presents, especially your clients. They will remember you and what you sent them. Choose your gift carefully and select one that is a reflection of your organization’s style and taste. Also, give thought and time to the cards you send. Make sure they are of good quality and reflect your company’s image and personality. Address them by hand. Yes, this is time consuming, but well worth it. Use holiday stamps and imprint the cards with your name as well as the company name. Also, add a hand-written, personalized note using a blue, fountain pen.

3. Respecting Cultural and Religious Differences - It is appropriate to wish everyone season’s greetings during the holiday season. If you are unsure of a person’s religious traditions and would like to acknowledge the holiday season, it is appropriate to simply say “Happy Holidays.” If you know that a colleague celebrates Hanukkah, both “Happy Holidays” and “Happy Hanukkah” are proper holiday greetings. Since gifts are also exchanged during Hanukkah, a present may be given if an office gift exchange is taking place. If you work in a small office setting, make sure that the differences are respected and no one feels left out. That goes for decorations, parties, gifts etc. Be particularly careful when exchanging gifts with your international clients. You may not be aware, for instance, that sending a clock to a Chinese client is bad luck and the way in which a gift for a Japanese client is wrapped is as important as the gift itself.

4. Holiday Parties – You will most likely find yourself invited to a number of different types of holiday gatherings. Your boss may have a weekend open house and you may be asked to attend with a guest. You also could be asked to a company cocktail party. It is not important that you go to each event. What is important is that you know which ones you should go to and which ones you can skip. In general, when your boss, or a senior person, invites you to a social occasion, you should attend, if only for a brief time. Senior management sometimes assesses one’s conduct during social occasions to determine who is suitable for career advancement. Also, you should use the opportunity to network with your co-workers. If the gathering is after work, and the invitation does not indicate otherwise, wear your business attire. Your responsibility as a guest is to make a point of talking with as many people as you can – especially the ones you don’t know. Ask these people more questions about themselves than you share information about yourself.

If you are hosting a holiday party, remember that it is inappropriate to extend a social invitation to a superior before he has extended one to you. That means, when you are planning your party, extend your invitation to those at your level or below. Send invitations to your co-workers home. This avoids the confusion that comes with verbal invitations, like what time it begins, the address etc. Also, if your party is on the weekend, you should invite your co-workers spouse. Most people prefer to spend their weekends with their families and will not want to leave them to attend a holiday party. As the host of the gathering it is your job to make everyone feel comfortable. Another commonly made business etiquette faux pas is to talk only about business during social occasions. To avoid this, draw the partners of your co-workers into the conversations. Find out about their lives and interests and make them feel welcome.

5. Maintaining Professionalism – Business Relationships are all about establishing rapport and rapport is developed in social settings. Although rapport building takes place all year on the golf course, over meals, and during receptions, much of it takes place during the holidays. Resist the temptation to hang out with the office crowd at the company party. Use the opportunity to network and get to know others in your organization. If you are one of the many adults who have a hard time mixing and mingling, there are a few things you can do to make yourself more comfortable. When you enter a room, look for a person who may be open to having a conversation with you. Look for someone who is alone or groups of three or more. Interrupting two people in the middle of a conversation is not a good idea. If you don’t know anyone, be honest. Admit it, state your name and offer a handshake. Ask questions of the person and be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Spend ten or fifteen minutes with each person or group of persons. Exit the group tactfully by excusing yourself immediately after you have spoken rather than after someone else has finished speaking. If a buffet is served, don’t heap mounds of food on your plate and never eat directly from the table. Take a reasonable size portion and go back for seconds if you wish.

Last, but not least, how much should you drink? Making a fool of yourself at the company party is not something you can recover from easily. So the answer is, once you start to feel the effects of alcohol, you probably have had too much. Once you lose control, and the alcohol begins to control you, you no longer appear professional. You lose all credibility and you’ve made a mistake that’s hard to fix. It’s just not worth it. If you have a hard time determining what your limit is, stick to soft drinks.

Contact us for Business Etiquette Training and Business Etiquette Training Materials 973-857-6200 etiquette@corbyoconnor.com

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 07:34:50 PDT

Some Cell Phone Rules

Turn Your Ringer Off: During All Meetings, Library, All Modes of Transportation, Theaters, Museums, Houses of Worship and Restaurants

Don not talk loud enough for others to hear. Excuse yourself if you must make or receive a call.

If you must make a call while commuting, ask your seatmate if he would mind if you made a quick call. Give him that courtesy.

Do not disturb others with too many calls. Send a text message or email.

Let your voice mail take a message for you. That is what it is for.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 12:59:27 PDT

Professional Dress in the Winter

While summer is the time when most business image faux pas are made, winter brings its share of fashion eyesores. Here are some image tips to remember as you begin to change from warm weather clothing and bundle up for the commute and the chilly office.

Keep the pockets of your suits sewn closed. Most suits are sold this way. If not, stitch or have a tailor stitch the pockets in your suits closed. This will create smooth lines and eliminate bunching.

Purchase a high quality navy blazer. It can be worn with all neutral colors except black and dark brown.

When you wear trousers, make sure your blazer and trousers contrast in color and texture. Don't treat your suit as separates unless it was sold that way. Most suit pieces do not work well alone.

Lightweight cotton suits, jackets and trousers should no longer be worn. Wear darker color khaki with a wool gabardine jacket in a business casual environment.

White after Labor Day is fine but the garment should be made of wool. A winter white suit and blazer are stunning. But white shoes are for nurses in summer and winter.

Thin soled shoes should be replaced with heavier soles. You should not wear light colored shoes now or throughout the rest of the winter season.

Women should wear blouses with long sleeves or a jacket over a short sleeve blouse and coordinate the color value of your shoes to your nylons for the most slimming elongated look. When wearing dark colors, such as gray, you can match the color of your shoes and pantyhose with your skirt color.

Remove your lined, waterproof boots as soon as you get to the office. Don't wear them all day. They are too awkward and heavy.

Wear shoes in a darker shade than your hosiery. Wear a belt that is a bit darker than your trousers. The belt should match your shoes in color and material.

Wear leather gloves in black or brown. Knit gloves are for children.

Pastel colors are fine as long as the garment is a knit or wool, such as cashmere or merino.

Choose small stripes, plaids and geometric patterns for clothing and accessories. Floral patterns, especially small prints, do not mean business.

Do not allow your skirt or dress to hang below your coat. That is a very unprofessional look.

And finally, remove the little tag on silk scarves, wear a belt in belt loops and if you are petite and your sleeves are too long, take the garment to a tailor for altering.

Write and tell me of winter image tips I may have left out.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:19:48 PDT

Tipping

A tip, or gratuity, is a small amount of money given voluntarily as a token of appreciation for a service rendered. According to Webster's Dictionary, the word "tip" is also considered by many to be an acronym: T.I.P. - "To Insure Promptness" or "To Insure Prompt" service. We tip our servers as a way of thanking them for good service. We might also leave a very low tip, or no tip at all, as a signal that the service was terrible.

But how did tipping get started in the first place? Why don't employers just pay their employees a regular wage and increase their prices to make up the difference? In some places, they do, but so many of us (especially in the U.S.) are so accustomed to leaving a tip for good service that we end up leaving our servers money anyway -- sometimes embarrassing them in the process! In places where tipping is expected, it is usually done in order to encourage the best service possible from servers.

There are several theories about where tipping came from. George Foster, a professor of anthropology at U.C. Berkeley, researched tipping in the early 1970s and found that the word "tip" or "gratuity" often was associated with "drink money," seeming to imply that the customer was buying the server a drink to have later as a way of saying thanks for the good service. Foster's theory was that the customer was trying to prevent making the server envious of his own ability to sit, drink, and be served.

Another theory follows the use of the word "tip" in the 17th century. The word was used as a verb to mean "hand it over" or "to give." This follows suit with the stories of feudal lords throwing gold coins as "tips" to the peasants in the street to ensure their own safe passage.

The TIP acronym mentioned earlier, "to insure promptness," has been said to come from 16th century coffee houses in England. This idea is challenged, however, because some say acronyms weren't even used until the 1920s.

So, it appears that the history of tipping is as unclear as the modern practice itself. When else do people pay additional money for a service for which they've already paid, without negotiating the amount up front? The multi-billion dollar tipping industry thrives on just that

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:32:17 PDT

It seems we can’t step out of the house without hearing foul language on the street, in the stores or at the next table in a restaurant. Just this weekend, while waiting in the lobby of a movie theatre, I moved twice from groups of people because I didn’t want to listen to their swearing.

Etiquette is behavior which makes everyone you are with feel as though they are the most important person in the world. It is conduct that makes those you work with happy to do business with you. It results in more business, happier supervisors,co-workers and colleagues and a more successful career. But, ask yourself: “Can the people around me feel good when I use foul language?” “Does my swearing drown out my message?” It doesn’t happen often, but I’m always struck by how comfortable some people are using bad language when conducting business with me.

There is a commonly held misconception that the tougher the language one uses in business, the tougher and more in control one appears. Actually the opposite is true. Swearing indicates you have little control and is a sign of hostility. It shows a lack of character and is the language of the uneducated. In business, and in family life, it sets a bad example. If you are in a supervisory role, remember, you set the tone. You will not earn the respect of your employees by coloring your language with four letter words. It will actually take away from the message you are trying to communicate to them. Make your points using commonly accepted phrases and you know you won’t offend anyone.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:29:03 PDT

First impressions are never more important than when you are on a job interview. That is why questions regarding the correct etiquette during the interview are among the most frequently asked. I was recently asked:

Q. I’ve read many books and articles about the importance of my resume and how to talk about my accomplishments during an interview, but I am still a little nervous about the impression I will make with my clothes, speech and body language. Can you help?

A. As in all new situations, preparation is the key to success.
• Learn all you can about the company and the person who will be interviewing you. Practice answering the most common questions and prepare some questions of your own.
• Dress conservatively. Men should wear a dark colored suit with polished, laced shoes, pressed 100% cotton shirt, and a silk necktie. For the first interview women should wear a skirted suit and closed toe shoes.
• Be perfectly well groomed. Hair and nails should be impeccable.
• Skip the perfume and cologne. Your scent should not be the first thing someone notices about you.
• Sit up straight and ask as many questions as you answer. Every job opening is for a problem solver. Find out what the problem is and convince the interviewer you are the one to solve it.

Q. I heard that there is such a thing as business card etiquette? Is that true?

A. Yes, just about everything done in business has a right way and a wrong way. The card is an extension of the businessperson. When you are given a card, take a few seconds to read it. If there is something you can comment favorably on, for instance, the logo or person’s title, individual, do so. The card should be placed on the desk or conference table, or in your portfolio. Do not put the card in your wallet and then in your back pocket.

If someone asks you for your business card, be prepared to hand over one that is clean, crisp and free from smudges. Remember, it speaks for you.

Q. Can you please address the topic of speakerphones? I see them misused all the time.

Yes, the problem is not with the speakerphone, but with the people who use them. Speakerphones provide a convenient way to communicate with several people without setting up a conference call. Some tips to remember when using speakerphones:
• Never put your caller on speakerphone without asking first. He or she has the right to know to whom is speaking. Introduce everyone as you would during a scheduled conference call.
• Consider those around you. People using speakerphones tend to talk louder than normal.
• Don’t use the speakerphone to check your voice mail. While this might seem like a good use of the technology, the person who left you the message meant it for your ears only.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:47:48 PST

Some Great Tips for the Small Business Owner. I particularly like number 5:

Two Decades of Small-Business Lessons
by Harvey King

This month marks my 20th anniversary of running small businesses. I wish I could say I've learned all there is to know about small-business ownership from the past two decades. Unfortunately, I keep discovering how little I know. You know what I mean if, like me, you live with two teenagers. However, there are a few lessons I've learned along the way:

1. Beef up your line of credit when you don't need to. For some reason, a bank's desire to lend you money has a negative correlation to your need for it.

2. Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream is the best flavor to eat while wallowing in self-pity after a business set back.

3. You'll never feel more like a small-business owner than the way you feel the first time papers arrive letting you know you've been sued.

4. Change is good. Wait, no, change is bad. No, it's good. Change is inevitable.

5. The greatest marketing tool is a handwritten note. Unfortunately, I don't write such notes, but I make a practice of purchasing stuff from those who do.

6. If you're not organized, hire an obsessive-compulsive assistant. You'll make each other miserable, but you won't waste a lot of time searching for the reading glasses perched on the top of your head.

7. Curiosity keeps you fresh and alert. Not being curious makes you boring and old.

8. Hire really, really smart and talented people. Give them the resources and respect and authority necessary to do their jobs. That way they'll enjoy their work, and you won't have to work as hard.

9. Always pretend to be working hard.

10. It is okay to sit at your desk and read a magazine, especially if it's this one.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:29:33 PST

Getting Coffee and Gossip?

Q. Corby, you have written about gossip at work. I often hear negative comments about other people and don’t know what to say or do. What do you suggest?

A. There are a couple of things you can do. You can simply say something like “I know him well and I don’t see him that way” or “If you feel that way, why don’t you discuss it with her directly.” If a sarcastic or humorous remark is made don’t join in the laughter. Just walk away. You’ll make an impression with your silence.

Q. What is your opinion of secretaries or administrative assistants as they are now called getting coffee for their bosses?

A. If getting coffee, or other refreshments, is going to be part of his or her daily job description it should be made clear at the time of the job offer. The assistant should be given the option to decide whether to take a job where this is expected.

With that said, however, the assistant and the manager should work toward the common goal of being an effective team furthering the company’s objectives. That means the ”refreshment getting” can be worked out between the two individuals and be flexible. If the manager is hosting clients or is very busy, the assistant can offer to get the refreshments. If she is making the trip for herself, it would be nice if she offered to get something for her boss. There is no reason the two of them should be away from their desks. At the same time, the manager should offer to get the assistant coffee or soda when she is busy with a project.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:31:50 PST

Tattoos, Neckties and an unzipped fly....

Dear Corby: Do tattoos and body piercings belong in business? There seems to be an increased number of people with tattoos on their body and a variety of locations for body piercings. Can you please comment on this and let us know what you think of this trend?

A. Some might argue that this practice is a personal issue. However, you need to proceed with caution if you want to have a serious place in the business world -- especially the corporate world. It is not yet clear whether these practices are passing fancies or the wave of the future. One thing we do know is that people change over time. Before anything permanent is done, the long-term effect should be considered. Since a tattoo is permanent, it should be put where it is not visible with everyday dress. Body piercings are a different story since the ornaments can be removed. In certain work environments, piercings are the norm, and creativity and individuality are not only accepted but also encouraged. Keep in mind that the company or corporate culture dictates how you dress and how you accessorize. Personal preference is not the determining factor. If you are working in a conservative atmosphere, then keep your look traditional and conservative. Anything that is not traditional will be considered distracting and trendy. If your boss doesn't have a tattoo or body piercing and no one else in upper management does, that's your cue that tattoos and piercings will not work in your favor.

Dear Corby: Sometimes, the businessmen I am dining with either toss their neckties over their shoulders or stick them in their shirts to keep them from getting soiled while they are eating. Is this correct behavior? Which is more appropriate, protecting the tie or leaving it alone?

A. I, too, have dined with businessmen who have done the same thing. Some men even put their napkin in the collar of their shirts to protect their ties. I guess they are trying to save on dry cleaning bills, but it is not appropriate to toss the necktie over the shoulder, stick it in their shirt or cover it with a napkin. Sounds as if they need a dining skills class.

Dear Corby: What should a woman do when she notices that a male colleague's zipper is unzipped? Is it appropriate for her to say something?

A. A woman might be inclined to ignore this embarrassing situation and not say anything. But if you don't say anything, your colleague could walk into an important meeting clueless. My recommendation is to tell one of your other male associates who can then bring it to the man's attention. By doing so, you spare the person the embarrassment of hearing it from a woman. If I were a man, that is how I would like it handled.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:32:55 PST

Tipping the Limo driver.

Q. I drive a limo.  I'm new to the business and would like to know when receiving a tip is it a hand off while getting the tip
then a hand shake?  Hand off only?  Hands not touching hands?  Is there a protocol for receiving and giving a tip?

Thanks for your help. 

Kevin C.

A.  Great question....one I have not been asked before.  The tip will come
 to you the majority of times from the passenger's right hand to your
 right hand.  If your left hand is free, put the tip in your left hand
 immediately, so that if your passenger extends his hand you can then
 extend yours for a handshake.  If he does not, it is perfectly acceptable for you to
 extend yours first.  Regardless of who initiates the handshake, your tip
 will be in the left hand freeing the right for shaking.  Just going by
 my own experience tipping...not that I've taken many limos...often there
 is not an opportunity to shake hands...and that is ok too...of course
 a thank you for the tip is required.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:33:20 PST

Q. I am a CEO of a large human services agency. We have a non-smoking policy in our buildings, but we do have a smoking area outside away from the door. Several employees are abusing the privilege to take smoke breaks, and other employees are complaining. The smokers have been told indirectly through a memo to limit breaks, but it seems they are out there too much. How can I sensitively encourage them not to take so many smoking breaks during the day, and how can I curb their habit at the workplace? Thanks for your response.

A. Asking some smokers to limit smoking breaks is like asking a child to limit the number of M&M’s they take out of a bowl? What does that mean?
It’s your job to set policy objectively regarding breaks for all employees, not to worry about curbing anyone’s habits or addictions.

Your employees don’t smoke in your buildings because you have a written non-smoking policy. You now need a written break policy. Don’t distinguish between smokers and non-smokers. For example: Your employees may be given a one or two ten-minute break in the morning and then the same in the afternoon. How they choose to spend their time will be up to them. Smokers can smoke. Non-smokers can just enjoy the great outdoors.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:33:57 PST

Why Didn't I Get the Job?

Q. I've been unemployed for 6 months. On a recent interview at a company with a business casual dress code the hiring manager told me I was overdressed. I wore a nice pant suit; nothing outstanding and I told her I could dress casually. I did not get the job and I left with the feeling I intimidated her.

A. Whenever an individual is not offered a job after an interview, I recommend she ask why he was not offered the position. Perhaps the reason is something she could and should change. If it is something she can't change, for example, she lacks a necessary skill, then she shouldn't dwell on it and move on to the next opportunity.

So I suggest you give the woman a call and ask her if she will tell you why you did not get the job. Don't mention you suspect you may have intimidated her. Sometimes the chemistry is just not right and if you did get the job you would not be happy there anyway.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:36:47 PDT

From Smart Girls Think Twice, by Jan Silvious

My cousin, Shellie Donow, a bright woman with four children just sent this to me. It is wonderful advice for women of all ages.

(page 92-3)

"Smart Girls are careful with their speech because they know that their words reveal their character. Pleasant, respectful words are the root of good manners and reflect the true heart of the person speaking. Civility in our culture has plummeted to a sad level, and the use of unkind, demeaning words is more rampant than ever before. I attribute much of this failure on the part of parents to set limits on the sort of language they will accept from thier children...

If parents don't expect and require appropriate speech, they won't get it. It takes daily training with continual reminders to mold children into respectful, mannerly adults." "Parents should stay on their children about the way they answer adults and saying please and thank you . If you don't train them, no one else will. But if you do, your hard work will pay off for years to come. Someday, they will move into positions of responsibility where their attention to etiquette will give them a true advantage over their peers who didn't cut their teeth at your good manners academy. Of course, choosing our own words carefully is just as important, maybe more so. It's clear to me that rude adults influence their children to be rude. And each time we fail to filter our words, we add to the general decline in our culture toward using discourteous, cheap, or uncouth words. A Smart Girl can help change that trend by deciding that, whatever happens, she will use only words that are respectful, words that honor others, herself, and the God she serves. ...Cursing is a habit that shows smallness of heart and spirit, and it has no place in the speech of a Smart Girl....."

We all thank you Ms. Silvious and Shellie for passing it on.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:37:36 PDT

Listen and Learn

It happened again last night; rude business etiquette at a dinner/speaker event. I attended an event at a lovely beach and tennis club in Spring Lake, NJ. A fun night with interesting people. I had heard the speaker before. His name is Fr. Joseph McShane, President of Fordham University. Just a fabulous natural speaker. He offers great inspirational stories and always captures his audience's attention. But there are always one, two or maybe even more who, regardless of the speaker or topic, will be drawn into a conversation of their own. It is one of the most common business etiquette faux pas; talking when someone else has the floor. It is disrespectful and rude. It distracts the speaker and is intrusive to others in the audience. We in the audience are either forced to tolerate it or try to get the offender's attention and stare him down with the hairy eyeball and raised brow. Adults can sit still without being disrespectful to an individual who is giving us his time to share information and expertise. Don't you think? We're bound to learn something.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:29:38 PDT

Below Par Dining Skills

The rewards of parenting come in bits and pieces and at unexpected times. I received one today from my 25 year old son. Etiquette came up in a discussion ...often does in my home. Then the reward...he told me he works with someone who has terrible table manners. How wonderful! I've raised his awareness enough to notice table manners! He cares enough to comment! He said the young man "does not even know the basic things like waiting for everyone to have their food before he starts eating." "And he holds his knife and fork like a chimp and I was sitting about four people down from him and I could hear him eating." My take? If your twenty five year old peer is turned off, everyone with whom you eat is turned off. Knowing basic dining skills will prevent drawing negative attention at a business meal.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:03:27 PDT

Summer Networking

For those who dread the uptight cocktail parties, summer activities offer the opportunity to network in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Join the company volleyball, basketball or baseball team. No team? Start one.
Attend the company picnic with a goal in mind. e.g. Meet four people and learn ways you can help each reach his goal.
Get to know co-workers with whom you have few opportunities to interact.
Organize a game of softball or volleyball; a fun and terrific way to warm up relations between office mates.

To make the most of your summer activities - or any corporate social event - be yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a person who is totally at home in his or her own skin.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:00:54 PDT

Stand to Show Respect

Most of us are familiar, thank goodness, with the simple courtesies. We know when to say please and thank you and we hold the door for the person behind us. There is another courtesy which, in the past, was as common as those above but we seldom see today. It is the simple, but powerful, act of standing up when we greet someone. Rising when you are either introduced to a person for the first time or when you greet an acquaintance is a gesture that never goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

It is not a gesture reserved for anyone in particular; an older person, a woman or someone in authority. It is a gesture one person makes as a way of acknowledging the worth of another. Standing when you greet someone says he has your respect.

A seminar participant shared her “standing up” story. As a guest at a wedding she approached her table. As she did, one gentleman stood when she introduced herself to him and the other guests. It made such a positive impression on her that she agreed to a date with him. They eventually married.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:34:32 PDT

Business Etiquette and Networking

I attend a number of networking events because I enjoy meeting people; I always learn something....not just about how to grow my etiquette business. Last week I learned about Isagenix, an exciting way to change the way you can manage your health and weight. I learned about an interesting online business which allows users to send "handwritten" personal or business greeting cards with the click of a mouse. I also learn what works and does not work in networking. For example, some attendees take advantage of the opportunity to introduce themselves and their business by monopolizing others' time and some interrupt a conversation just to hand over their own business card. When you want to make the most of networking events, consider how you can help the others in attendance. Don't monopolize the conversation or interrupt with your business pitch; ask how you can help others reach their goals. You will be surprised at the rewards.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:31:58 PDT

Tipping and Traveling Etiquette

If you are new to business travel, you may be surprised at what a significant expense tipping can be. Service people who transport you, carry your bags, greet you at the hotel door, take you to your room and others expect and, in most cases, deserve a tip. Here are some tipping etiquette guidelines:

Taxi/Limousine Driver – 15% - 20% of the total fare.

Doorman: $1-$2 for calling a cab or a bit more if he covers you with an umbrella in the rain or actually hails a cab for you. Tip at the end of your stay if it is more convenient.

Bellman: $1-$2 for each bag depending on the size of the bag and the quality of service. If he prepares your room and shows you around, $5-$10 should cover everything.

Room Service: A gratuity of 15% is usually included in the price of your order. If the person is especially attentive to setting up your meal, you can give him or her another couple of dollars.

Maids/Housekeeping Staff -- $1-$5 per night depending on the quality of the hotel and service. Tip daily since you might have different people cleaning your room. Whatever and whenever you decide to tip, put the money in a sealed marked envelope.

Valet Parking -- $1-$2 to the attendant retrieving your car.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:35:09 PDT

Effective Email Communication

Email is a relatively new way of communicating. Make the most of it by following these few rules.:

Add your attachment before you write.
Include the topic in the subject line.
Proof your message twice before you send it.
Use capital letters only at the beginning of sentences and for proper names.
Add warmth by using the recipient's name in the first sentence.
Keep it short and simple; just enough to fill only one screen.
Think of email as a fax. Assume everyone will read it.
Write only with positive emotion. Use the telephone to resolve conflicts.
Read your mail at specific times of the day for better time management.

noreply@blogger.com (Corby O'Connor) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:57:37 PDT

More Handwritten Notes
Received these today...again...a treat among the bills, catalogs and junk mail.

Dear Corby,
I would like to thank you for forwarding your business etiquette blog post about the attorney who mails two to three handwritten notes to his clients each day. The blog entry was informative as well as persuasive, as you can see. Rest assured I will keep this valuable lesson in mind.

Dear Corby,
It was great to meet and talk with you last week. I really enjoyed your business etiquette seminar and feel there were many meaningful ideas that I took with me. Thanks again for sharing your business etiquette knowledge and time. Hope to see you in the near future and best of luck.