Truly, I wish I'd had that thought a month and a half ago and not just the day before Election Day, but sometimes flashes of inspiration come on their own schedule.

When I first thought about this, I actually considered it in light of my own choices in political leaders. However, Rotary has been careful to steer clear of political divide and I have no interest in starting a war over this. In much of what I write and offer, I'd like to use it as a conversation starter.

To do a little research ahead of time, I looked up other articles or writings that could take a similar approach. I found this one from Martin Postic, Jr. entitled "The Four Way Test isn't a tool to judge others." His opening paragraph reads

 In our contentious society, I see friends who are members of Rotary use The Four-Way Test to support opposing political and social arguments and to criticize the thoughts, statements, and actions of others. I see members with completely opposing viewpoints use the same Four-Way Test to both support their argument and demean others.

He puts forth the premise that the Four Way Test is supposed to be a mirror, not a window. In other words, Rotarians should use the 4WT to examine their own thoughts, words and actions and NOT as a window we look through to judge others.

While I don't disagree with his position, the thing I am questioning currently is this: as Rotarians, how should the Four Way Test influence who we choose to govern us and to whom we give our respect and allegiance?   Again, I'm not trying to fan a political fire here, because I am honestly puzzling this over in my mind.

If we apply the questions in the Four-Way Test to the words and actions and even the platform on which a candidate campaigns, how would we look at them?

Is it the TRUTH?  Does our proposed candidate conduct his or herself with honest and integrity?  That's a hard one, because in these contentious times, it would be hard pressed to find complete white-hat honesty in political circles. I mean, it's too much a case of lies, damn lies and statistics, where "spin" is king. But, we can take a look at the veracity of statements being made and published and form an opinion of the candidates' character.

Will it be FAIR to all concerned? I've been spending quite a bit of time sharing "Character in a Time of Crisis" where I touch on current injustices, whether social, political or economic. Where does our prospective leader come in on this side: is there fair treatment of minorities or disadvantaged. Is their language free of prejudice or do they communicate messages of bigotry, sexism or discrimination?

Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER Friendships?  Again, examine the actions and words of our political candidates? Is there goal to bring people together or do they tend to polarize? Again, this one is hard because given the common political party system, someone is always feeling polarized if support runs primarily around party lines. But what is the temperature of the people inside the candidates "team?" How respectful are they of others, both in how they address the "opponent's" position or even how they speak to and of their opponent in private and in public? 

And, finally, Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned? This question involves character traits of consideration, cooperation and fairness once again. Fairness is such a big deal in the Four Way Test that it appears twice as the underlying virtues of the questions. Does our candidate show a leaning towards cooperation -- internal and beyond -- and can you expect him or her to broadly consider the needs of the community, region or country they will be leading?

Now, I'm not saying that all our leaders should be Rotarians (although, wouldn't that make life easier?) And, there are Rotarians of all political persuasions in its membership.  But, as is so often being said these days -- that you'd rather do business with a Rotarian first than a non-Rotarian, all things being equal -- is is appropriate to apply that same litmus test to our potential leaders as would would our business associates?

I'd love to hear what you have to say on this topic. Please feel free to share in the comments below or drop me an email. I'm sure this is going to lead to lively conversation!

The current calendar year has certainly had its share of challenges: COVID, Black Lives Matter and the topic of social injustice, rampant wildfires...what's next? Since things don't seem like they'll get much easier in the short term, I decided a few weeks back that it was time to retool the Character Counts message to more closely align with what's happening in our world.

"Character in a Time of Crisis" addresses why the need for sharing -- and living by -- the Four Way Test is even more important than before. The current landscape of society has us more divided, more on edge, angrier and frustrated to a new high. The COVID pandemic makes all of us vulnerable, and fear and anxiety is everywhere. Riots and civil unrest are prevalent; political rhetoric is increasingly negative. As I sit in my window seat writing these words, my view is obscured by thick brownish-yellow smoke from fires burning in two states to my south.  "Climate change" some say; others claim its a planned, coordinated effort by arsonist and "social terrorists."  

It seems grim. But there is hope, and that's what I believe the message of Character Counts really is. We HAVE the tools to make an important difference in our society, in our global universe. And, there are four steps to making these changes. I developed the new presentation to outline why this matters, what our challenges are and how we Rotarians are an important part of the solution. Perhaps we are the catalyst of a new movement, if we want it badly enough.
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And, if we are searching for a perfect time to make this move, it's NOW. One significant element to this change is the sheer numbers of children and youth that are currently being educated remotely. While teaching social skills and character was difficult before, now it becomes exponentially harder because the natural socialization of our kids just isn't occurring. And, technology is more all-consuming than ever before.

This is just a brief look into the new message, or perhaps it's not really a new message as much as it is retargeted. I will be revealing the whole presentation this coming Monday, 9/14 to the eClub of South Africa, and I'm looking forward to how my topic is received. Through the power of technology, I am "speaking to the world," now, with upcoming "appearances" at the Rotary Club of Toledo, Mercer Island Rotary and more to come.  If you want an invite link to any of those meetings, drop me an email. Better yet, I'd love to share it with YOUR club and see how we can add  momentum to the movement. I frequently say it'll only take 100,000 book sales to start a flame, but the reality is YOU are the ones starting the flame; I'd hate to think of my book as "kindling," but heck...whatever it takes!


Let's all bring Character -- and the Four Way Test -- to bear on 2020's crises. At the same time, we may be preventing those that might come out of 2021...and beyond.

I find it intriguing how many times I'm coming across a common thread in books and from authors that don't seem to have anything to do with one another. And, that has to do with the idea of us all being interconnected and the "key" to success -- on many levels, -- is something that we Rotarians hold very dear...

Let me expand.  Currently, I'm reading a book entitled "The Soul Solution," by Bob and Linda Harrington. The subtitle is "The need for a theology of the Earth."  The premise of this book is, in essence, that we are losing our connection with those things that keep the world vital, and, as a result, we are about to be on a collision course to inflicting irreversible damage on the environment and on critical resources we depend on as a people.  While, in the past, man has coexisted with these resources -- whether food, water, land, air, etc. -- and treated it as something synergistic, we as a modern people have lost that connection in the pursuit of money, industrialism, and technology.

For many of you, this isn't "news." But, that's not what I wanted to share. The first chapter, "Soul:: The Root of Life" contained a passage that I think might resonate very strongly with us as Rotarians. The chapter deals with sentience in beings non-human, i.e. plants, trees, animals.  Because we are all "energy," it is not inconceivable that we may have real connections with things that are not of our kind.  Harrington writes, "My own certainty that there is sentience in nature is corroborated by a significant number of scholars at the leading edge of our sciences."  He lists several studies by prominent researchers and even psychologists and makes a very compelling case.  It's what he writes next that I think gets to what we believe...

Stephen Jay Gould, Harvard University paleontologist suggest, in one of his regular columns in Natural History magazine,"

It would be in our 'enlightened self-interest' to adopt the Golden Rule as the major principle of our relationship to the Earth because it would be a blessing for us, and an indulgence for Her."

He also reminds us that having a bit of humility would be good for us because "the planet holds all the cards." Further, he encourages us to "sign the papers while she is still willing to make the deal."

The link between the Golden Rule and the Rotary Four-Way Test isn't just tangential -- it is direct. For those of you who have already read "Character Counts: Bringing the Rotary Four Way Test to Life," you know that I have a chapter dedicated to the similarities between the Four-Way Test and the Golden Rule. I also explore the idea of being respectful as part of one of the Questions in the Four-Way Test, not just of each other, but of animals, resources, the environment.  Here, again, is reinforcement that we Rotarians, have the opportunity to use our own philosophy and practice to make a positive impact on the world!

I think we should consider how we can use this as a platform for insisting on greater environmental awareness and actions that are geared toward preserving what we have, rather than continue the path of thinking that "the next generations will solve it." We, this generation, have eradicated polio; if we need a new project, perhaps saving the environment is the next one.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

First, I was elated...this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me to meet and connect with possibly THOUSANDS of Rotarians! Then, reality hit: there's NO WAY I can afford it. I had already looked into airfare and that alone was way out of my budget. When I mentioned it in passing to another Rotarian friend of mine, he suggested I try crowdfunding as a way to get part or all of the biggest expenses underwritten. So, I've done that. Here is a link to a GoFundMe campaign where I am trying to raise $2500 to help cover costs to get me to Hamburg (and back!) Donations have started to come in, but I have only a few days to commit or let the opportunity go, so I'm trying to do all I can to get the word out by Friday 4/4.

It's an interesting alignment for me because, while I could have afforded Toronto, I wasn't available on the dates of the convention. Now, I'm available but the cost is too great.  I see it as an amazing opportunity to get more people behind the message of "Character Counts" and promote the ideals of ethics and integrity through the Four-Way Test.  I know I'll be able to share my message at my own District Training and Assembly next month, but this is a honor I hadn't expected to see at all.

If you've come this far, I appreciate your reading this post. Hopefully, if I have "inspired" you -- to use our RI theme for this year -- you might consider making a donation to help "pave the long road to Hamburg!" I would also appreciate it if you would forward this to other Rotarians in your network. Only 20 donations at $100 will do it, so I'm hopeful I'll reach that goal.

Thank you to all of you for whatever support you can provide --- donations, maybe air miles, perhaps a shared room in Hamburg. It all helps, and I am very thankful for your faith in me and my message!

----

Dear Colleagues and Character Counts Champions:

Since you have been so supportive of assisting me with the challenges I’m undergoing with the Character Counts book, I thought I owed you an update. I’ll be sending something out via the regular newsletter channel shortly, but I need to think about how best to phrase it so it doesn’t appear that I’m slamming RI, which I don’t want to do. I fundamentally still respect and believe in what RI does, but I’m not sure the organization is really seeing the “big picture” on this issue…the devil, as always, seems to be in the details.

Over the summer, I did send out several copies of the book to the RI Directors and Leadership, advising them of the challenges I was facing and asking them for their help. Although I have not gotten ANY word back from any of the Directors, I did receive an email from John Hewko, General Secretary, letting me know he had gotten the book and my letter and would refer me to someone within RI that might be able to help. I was really excited that he took the time to write…I understand he NEVER responds to anyone. Shortly thereafter, I received an email from General Counsel Steven Routburg who said he’d be available to “discuss the concerns” I raised in my letter.

Flash forward to June…Steve and I had a great phonecall where he seemed very supportive of my efforts and intentions with the book and the bottom line was he thought there would be some way for me to be able to continue with the book but still be in compliance with what RI’s directions and intentions were. He felt that by the time I returned from Alaska (in September), he should have a better answer for me.

Well, we talked yesterday…and I’m really disappointed, to the point where I’m discouraged. 

Here’s what I got from Steve (highlights, not the whole conversation, of course):

• First, Rotary doesn’t license books. No problem there, but they ARE getting involved in drafting some guidelines for that in the future. So, at this time, there is no vehicle or interest in having my book become an official “book” for RI
• They are ok with clubs/groups/individuals writing books about Rotary that are of a “historical” nature, but are not “comfortable” with writings that involve “policy,” “branding,” or “general” natures.
• Because of that, Steve indicate that Character Counts is “a genre of book that they are keen on.”
• They aren’t going to stop me from selling it, but it’s not something they are excited about
• His rational is that RI pays a lot of money with consultants and marketing companies to handle and address their branding and my book “is not keeping with their branding.”
• Steven recognizes that I am doing this book and its promotion “for the right reasons” and “maybe a lot of good will come of it” but it’s “not consistent with the model [my] people are involved in.”
• They appreciate that I have already removed the Rotary wheel in the cover. They also “appreciate” that I have included the disclaimer provided to me by Steve Snyder that is updated from what I had originally. Steve Routburg requested that I send him a copy of what the new disclaimer looks like and I captured a screen shot of how it appears in the book and forwarded that to him this morning. SR indicated “they” would review and and get back to me to see if any further modification is required.

The one continual sticking point remains on my use of the word “Rotary” in the title.  Even though I do not refer to “Rotary’s Four-Way Test” Steven is concerned that people will INFER that the Four-Way Test belongs to Rotary.

Here’s where things get ludicrous (in my opinion):  If “Rotary” doesn’t want people to assume the Four-Way Test belongs to “us,” then why does it appear everywhere (on banners, in images, in Rotarian magazine, etc) in conjunction with the word “Rotary” the wheel, etc.?  When Mr. Routburg stated that the 4WT belongs to the “Four Way Test.org” (and he tried to educate me on how the 4WT came to be…uh, thank you but didn’t I do all that research for the book – guess he still hasn’t read it). When I corrected him with the actual history of how Herbert Taylor “gave” Rotary the 4WT and then Rotary “lost” the right to it because they failed to renew their trademark, he clearly wasn’t aware of that but his legal assistant who was in the room told Mr. Routburg that my facts were correct.  So, since the 4WT is in the public domain, there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to produce an individual work on it…and Rotary, too. Especially since it is a positive book that only paints RI and the 4WT in the best of light.

Mr. Routburg made the comparison, however, that if I was a huge fan of Disney or even Nike, and I wrote a book about Nike or Disney without their blessing, they would most definitely “come after me,” even if it was a book singing their praises. When I made the comment that, under the First Amendment, I can write what I like as my “opinion,” he countered with, “Well, I’m not so sure about the legalities about THAT.”

Bottom line is – they aren’t going to stop me from selling it, but they aren’t going to “like it.” (in Mr. Routburg's words)  He indicated that these changes I’ve made are a good step but that I “will be happier than RI will be” about it.

In my June call, Mr. Routburg and I discussed the idea of my being able to promote it through the Rotary International Convention or other Rotary events and essentially what I was told today is, while I may present a talk on general business ethics or some “new” way of presenting it, if I’m going to use the material of the book as a foundation for my message it would be “problematic.”

Sorry for the long email, but I wanted you to be aware of what I’m getting. Even if I am directly supporting RI with proceeds of this book, AND I’m trying to evangelize Rotary and its positive character/ethics position, I’m finding that I’m treated more like a problem than an asset. What am I doing wrong here? This isn’t feeling like “building goodwill and better friendships.”

Not sure where to go from here.  I have had several invitations to speak about the book at club and higher levels, but is that risky for me now? And, if I can’t do that, how do I get the word about the book out there…should I even bother?

Any advice/feedback/words of encouragement you have would be appreciated. Also, if you have read any/all of the book and would consider writing a review on Amazon, that would be most helpful.  Maybe we can get Amazon’s marketing machine to start sending “recommendations” out to others.

Thanks, gang…feeling pretty blue right about now.

I wasn't really sure where to go with this, today, as Rotarian Evan Burrell shared a post on the LinkedIn Rotary group about "World Peace Day," it struck me:  how much more "peaceful" would the world be if we just led with courtesy and kindness when interacting with others?

Ok, I'll admit, it may seem like an overly-simplistic concept, but just think for a minute: what impact would it have on someone else if you greeted them with a smile rather than a growl?  Or, if you took an extra moment to ask if you can be of assistance when you see someone struggling with a package? Perhaps you can "pay it forward" by paying for someone's coffee at the local espresso stand? That is all pretty easy to integrate into ones' normal way of doing, but what about some more difficult steps? Instead of reacting defensively when someone offers guidance, or even "constructive" criticism (which, I admit may feel more like real criticism than "constructive"), take a moment before responding. You may need to check your body language, too, and not just your words.  When negotiating a position, make an effort to consider the other position instead of doggedly insisting on your own.

Of course, you'll likely think: that's all well and good but what if the other person isn't willing to do the same? When was the last time you were able to control someone else's reactions or response?  I'm talking about you -- what can you do to lead with courtesy?

I was truly hoping I'd find some reference that indicated Wells was either an actual or honorary Rotarian, but sadly, I haven't been able to find that link.  I do think this quote of his fits in well with Rotary, particularly Question #3 of the Four-Way Test.  "Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS" naturally requires courtesy. If you treat people harshly or lead with a "me first" attitude, you sure as heck aren't going to pass this test.

While everyone can do their part to help move the world to a more peaceful condition, we Rotarians especially are expected to make this a priority. In fact, this is a major message on Rotary International's website. Whether it's working to stop domestic violence, improving the quality of life, taking action against bullying, as a matter of our call to "service above self," Rotarians are encouraged to promote peace. There is even a Rotarian Action Group for Peace that is very active in taking steps to "wage peace" as the group states.

As you can see, there are initiatives big and small all geared toward making this world a more peaceful and harmonious place for all of us.  There are certainly big rifts in people's politics, ideologies, religions and cultures, all of which result in disharmony, conflict and even war. It may seem naive and simplistic to say that one individual's conduct can make a difference in the world, but world peace is a lot like the old adage "how do you eat an elephant...one bite at a time."  If each of us takes the attitude that we will be more peaceful, more kind, more courteous in our own dealings with others, and we "pass it on" to another, then another, then maybe our community, our club, our District...and beyond. Perhaps, just perhaps, we can start a swell that turns into a tide that washes all shores.

Ok, so I'm an idealist. I'm also a mother, an activist...and a Rotarian. If idealists didn't exist, there wouldn't be a Rotary. We wouldn't be on the dawn of eradicating polio. So, don't tell me a simple kind word or courteous action can't lead to world peace. If it doesn't what will?

Corinne Gregory is an award-winning author, speaker and media resource. Her latest book, "Character Counts: Bringing the Rotary Four-Way Test to Life" is available now through Amazon and other outlets.

But, that's not what caught my eye today.  On page 27, there is an article entitled "The Ethical MBA."  The premise is "Business schools are taking ethics training seriously: Will it make any difference?"

Interesting question given everything we are seeing in politics, business and society as a whole. I find reading this piece eight years after it was written very disheartening, in many ways.

The article begins...

"Last spring, members of Harvard Business School's class of 2009 wrote an MBA Oath. They pledged to act with integrity and guard against decisions that put personal ambition ahead of what's best for their employer and society. About half the class signed it."

What?  Only half? But wait...there's more...

"The current financial crisis, which has seen some CEOs firing workers by the thousands while retaining their own multimillion-dollar paychecks, has left people cynical about corporate America. The MBA, a degree that used to be a mark of prestige, may no longer carry the same luster, and that has business schools worried. Hoping to produce leaders who will navigate moral dilemmas responsibly -- and to attract students and boost their profiles -- many schools are re-evaluating or revamping their ethics curricula."

Really?

Earlier this month, I challenged people to consider "There's no such thing as 'Business ethics'" and I still maintain that position. But, this article makes the point that "ethics" should be an integrated part of business school curriculum, instead of an afterthought. Some question if ethical behavior can even be taught. Yes, I absolutely believe it can, but if you are waiting until our future leaders are seeking Masters' degrees, you are sorely late. The seeds of ethical behavior need to be sown in our business leaders' childhoods, not in the hallowed halls of the Ivy League and other B-schools in the world.

This is the premise behind my SocialSmarts' curriculum and the message I've tried to bring in Character Counts: Bringing the Rotary Four-Way Test to Life.  That, for a vast variety of reasons, too many of our children and youth are not developing positive character in their formative years. While some people may argue that it's not hurting them individually when they turn into adults that fight and claw their way professionally and personally to get ahead (I mean, look at all the "successful" people who have lied, cheated and stolen to get where they are!), it hurts us as a society as a whole.

And, this is not just about business, although we see many violations of ethics and integrity there. As I write in Character Counts, our "character is who we are, and what we do, regardless of whatever else we are doing. To tie it back to Rotary, our own Four-Way Test starts out...

"Of the things we think, say or do..."

It's our very core, our "who we are when no one else is looking" that defines us. We can't be "ethical" if we are so only when it suits us, or when someone is watching. It may be a lesson we have to teach our young people, and, while it's never too late to learn the value of behaving and living an ethical life, it can't start too soon, either. If we wait until our kids are in college, we've truly failed them in their youth.

Now, I'm sure a lot of you are starting to work on your arguments or have started a list to convince me that I'm wrong, particularly in this climate where so much is being made about poor ethical decisions in business, politics and the world at large.

But, just hear me out.

Companies these days are going to great lengths to establish and enforce "codes of conduct," mainly trying to set rules for how they expect their employees, managers and executives to behave.  It's too bad that this is necessary, because all these "rules" and regulations are way more complicated than they need to be.  I would like to make the case that there really is only ONE rule that needs to be in such a "handbook."

What?

Recently, I was researching the topic of "business ethics" on that great retail library known as Amazon.com and I stumbled across a very interesting book.  It was entitled "There's No Such Thing as 'Business' Ethics" written by John C. Maxwell. Some of you may already be familiar with Maxwell's work because he is a highly acclaimed expert on leadership and a New York Times' Best Selling Author.

I found his premise very intriguing because it's something I've believed in and spoken on for years. (Funny aside...the copyright date is 2003, the year I founded the SocialSmarts program and The PoliteChild, Inc. , but I never knew of Maxwell's book until two weeks' ago!) Maxwell's book makes the case that there is only ONE RULE for making decisions, regardless of the context.  That Rule, you may suspect is the Golden Rule. There are, of course, many variations, but the one we've used in SocialSmarts is "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

One point Maxwell makes is that the Golden Rule is, essentially a universal one. Again, this is something I have believed for years and have shared in my presentations and books.  While many of us associate the Golden Rule with Judeo-Christian philosophy, the reality is that the Golden Rule really cuts across religious and cultural boundaries, and is accepted by nearly everyone. And, when you stop to think about it, you can't have a society or community where there isn't some form of looking after each other and treating others with consideration and compassion. If you don't, you don't have a community...you have anarchy.

In my latest book, Character Counts: Bringing the Rotary Four-Way Test to Life, I drill down into the Golden Rule and it's universality again.  But, this time I'm examining it in light of Rotary's own "Four-Way Test."  Before the Four-Way Test was adopted by Rotary, it was suggested that the Golden Rule be considered in this role. But, because of how strongly the Golden Rule is perceived to be a Judeo-Christian concept, there were concerns that selecting the Golden Rule as "the test" would be perceived as being "too religious."

In Maxwell's book, I like how he makes the point that we have to be aware of how we would like to be treated before we can apply that concept to how we treat others.  He explores six needs that people generally share. Universally we...

1. Want to be Valued
2. Want to be Appreciated
3. Want to be Trusted
4. Want to be Respected
5. Want to be Understood

And,

6. We do not want others to take advantage of us

These "needs" don't just apply to business situations or scenarios, they are relevant in any context, personal or professional. We don't "want to be valued" only in our workplace, we want that same consideration with our friends and family.  Respect isn't just a "business" characteristic, we would like to be respected regardless of where we are or with whom we are.

If you now look at the Four-Way Test, it contains statements that support each of those six "needs" as well.

"Is it the TRUTH" - Point #3

"Is it FAIR to all concerned" - Points #4 & 6

"Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?" - Points #1, 2 & 5

"Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?" - Points #1, 5 & 6

And just like the Golden Rule, the Four-Way Test should be in play under all circumstances. Just like our character, it is who we are and how we conduct ourselves, regardless of what we are doing or where. If a Rotarian takes the Four-Way Test to heart, it isn't just a few words we toss of from memory during a Club meeting, it's something we believe in and practice ALL the time. Even the preamble to the Test makes that point: "Of the things we think, say and do..."  It doesn't contain a limiting clause such as "...during a Rotary meeting."

Yes, true the Four-Way Test was invented by Herbert J. Taylor to be a litmus test for the employees of his company, but to him it meant so much more.  It was a Test for Life.

The best part of the Four-Way Test and the Golden Rule is this: they are the SAME concept, in a different form.  If you are living your life by applying the Golden Rule, you will automatically fulfill the requirements of the Four-Way Test.  So both of these are effective rules for life, and again, they cross borders, cultures and religious beliefs!

Now, doesn't that simplify all those many rules of operations and engagements? It doesn't get any simpler than this...

Already, early sales have boosted the book up to #178 in the Business Ethics category.  Wouldn't it be awesome if we hit #1!  The idea of a book based on Rotary as an Amazon Best Seller is way cool. Having that kind of status means Amazon will start promoting the book to its customers, which, of course includes lots of non-Rotarians! Goodness knows, we need to promote high standards of Integrity and Ethics in our current cultural climate.

Let's get the message out -- Rotary is CHARACTER and Character COUNTS!

Talking Etiquette with Corinne Gregory

by Patty Lamberti
The Rotarian -- February 2010
A s Corinne Gregory’s children got older, she noticed that kids with manners were the exception, not the rule. She decided to do some
research. “I found out that many children didn’t have behavior problems,” she says. “They lacked social competency, awareness, and
consciousness.”

In 2003, she developed SocialSmarts, a program
available to public schools that teaches children from preschool to high school about manners, values, and ethics.
Gregory, a member of the Rotary Club of Redmond, Wash., USA, has been interviewed by Katie Couric for The Today Show, and her advice has been featured in TIME, Parents Magazine, and the Seattle Times.
The Rotarian: Why are kids’ social skills worse than they were 10 years ago?
Corinne Gregory: There are a hundred reasons. I don’t want to place blame solely on parents. But
we’re so busy running around that we don’t want to be the discipline police.
TR: Why is this a problem for schools?
Gregory: Too many kids come into schools unprepared for the classroom environment. They don’t
know that they need to sit down and keep quiet. Teachers spend their time on discipline, not
teaching.

TR: What does SocialSmarts focus on?
Gregory: Initial classes cover basic manners. We move on to respect for peers and respect for
things, like the environment. We teach meeting and greeting skills, presentation skills, the concepts
of trustworthiness and integrity. We show students, whether they are toddlers or teens, that if you
behave better, you’ll get more of what you want and less of what you don’t. We ask them, “What
impression do you want to send people?” Kids don’t want to be drug dealers. But they don’t see the
map to success.
TR: Where do ethics and manners intersect?
Gregory: We use a social skills pyramid. At the top of the pyramid is etiquette. We teach students
about the rules of conduct and engagement. The next level is manners, which is more about
behavior. At the very bottom of the pyramid are motivators like respect, compassion, and integrity.
Ethics is the line between the motivators and behaviors. In order to behave ethically, you have to
think ethically.
TR: What about The Four-Way Test?
Gregory: Once you internalize The Four-Way Test, it’s always there. Lesson eight in SocialSmarts
is about honesty. Regardless of a student’s age, it always comes back to the first tenet: Is it the
TRUTH?
TR: How do you know SocialSmarts works?
Gregory: Schools that use our program have conducted studies comparing themselves with
schools in the same district that don’t. The schools with the program see a 10 to 13 percent
improvement on tests. Teachers also report that they spend less time on behavior issues.

TR: How can clubs get involved?
Gregory: First, identify a school. If a Rotary club wishes to sponsor the school, we’ll donate our
program fee every year the school stays in the program. The club must cover the cost of materials
and oversee the funds to make sure they are properly administered.This is a way to expose students to Rotary and to the idea of Service Above Self. We talk about The Four-Way Test and encourage kids to learn more about Rotary. Imagine if every child practiced
the tenets of The Four-Way Test. Imagine what our world would be like.

Dear Corinne …
Rotarians are a mannerly bunch. But because your mother probably never taught you about e-mail
etiquette or other modern dilemmas, Gregory offers these 21st-century takes on social graces.
On thank-you notes: The old rule was that if the giver was there when the recipient opened the
present, then the recipient didn’t need to send a thank-you note. But imagine you are on a business
trip and you give someone a gift. You are there when the person opens it, but you still get a note a
few weeks later. Imagine the impression that leaves.
On wedding gifts: You have a year. Wait until the dust settles, then ask the couple, “What did you
really want that you didn’t get? Have you thought of something else?” If you plan on waiting to give
a gift, you still should give them a card at the wedding.
On RSVPs: Let someone know one way or the other if you are coming to an event. When you don’t
RSVP, you’re saying, “I’m waiting to see if I get a better offer.” Every once in a while, you may
honestly forget to send regrets. But you can still call and patch that up.
On e-mail: We are so inundated with different forms of communication, like texting and tweeting,
that we sometimes forget to respond or to close the loop in an e-mail conversation. If you’re too
busy to send a lengthy e-mail back to someone, write back and say so. Be honest.
Copyright © 2010 Rotary International