corner for parents

Affection or a lesson first

2008-09-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

I had been in full day classes for couple weeks. The time I spent with my children has decreased. One of the evenings after class, my oldest son, 3 year old, was so excited to see me coming back from class. He ran across the drive way to look for me, despite his grandfather was trying to stop him.

He was very happy to see me. But I was overwhelmed by how dangerous for him to run across the driveway. I gave him a lesson on how dangerous it was for him to run across the drive way. But he looked confused.

His confusing look made me ponder why he was not listening. When I thought about this, one thing struck me was this child has been longing to meet his mother for long weeks of classes. I felt his intention – to show his affection. However, at that moment, I felt the danger of his act first.

Well, which one should come first - to feel his affection or to teach him a lesson. If it would happen again, I think I will hold him first and enjoy the affection. Then tell him the danger for his attempt.

7 Reasons Why Kids Are Not Eating

2008-02-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

I encountered many questions asked about kids’ eating habits during my sharing with parents. In facts, dealing with my own kid I realized having children to build a good eating habits takes time to cultivate and patience to tolerate the messiness! From personal observations and feedbacks from teachers and parents, I think there are at least seven reasons why kids are not eating.

Kids do not eat when there are too much distractions around
TV, games, toys, quarrel, visitors, telephone conversation are the distractions commonly found during meal times.
Kids do not eat when they are in a new environment
When kids are on vacation or go to visit relatives, it is expected that they might not eat much. There might be some exceptions, of course. They do not eat because they are excited and they want to explore the new environment.
Kids do not eat when they are stressed out
Things can stress children out include - start of school, moving to new home, children witness parent fight, too bored, lacking of closed connection with parents etc.
Kids do not eat when the weather is too hot
The weather has become different and crazily hot nowadays. If the child does not eat when the weather is too hot, try to have them to take in a lot of liquid.
Kids do not eat when they are too bored
When the child has not much to do physically, they will not eat much either.
Kids do not eat when they have same kinds of food for a long time
Children are not like adult. They can not stand to eat the same kinds of food. They want something different and creative on the table from time to time.
Kids do not eat when they want attention
Kids are good at getting adults hooked! When they feel they are not getting enough attention or love, they will know how to get it, especially something will get on your nerve!

In conclusion, kids’ eating habits could be a sign to show their unhappiness, discomfort, even excitement. Their ability to express their emotion is still limited, so happened that eating is one of the ways they would use. I feel the best way to deal with not eating is to stay calm. If adults do not make a fuss about it, the child will follow. However, if eating habit has become a psychological issue, showing of strange symptoms, it is best to consult pediatrician or professional help.

Tips dealing with my kid unwilling to go to school

2008-01-23T01:55:00.000-08:00

As school starts many parents are eager to see their children meeting new friend and learning different things in school. However, for the first time schoolers, their experience might not be the same like parents. The new environment, new faces of teachers and other students in fact might freak them out for the first few weeks.
Thus, I would like to share some of the tips, which I have found useful for myself in terms of dealing with my own three year old. You could use them as a reference, because I know different children will have different ways to express themselves.

1. Listen to your child.
The child is excited about school and yet at the same time, she might still have some unpleasant feelings about going to school because she is still adjusting to it. Normally, in this kind of situation, some kids will spell out their unhappiness, instead of their happy feelings. They seem to be negative about school. They want parents to listen to the unpleasant feelings they are facing in school. In situation like this, parents try to listen (without adding much teachings or words) and acknowledge their feelings. At the same time, parents can pinpoint to the child the positive sides of school, like the activities in the school, the names of the friends (what they did in school), the teaching materials they are exposing to.

2. Let the child follow your pace.
When the child shows resistance in the morning, saying things like “ I don’t want to go to school”, “I do not like school” etc., trying not to give any response. In other words, just ignore it and keep on doing what you are doing. Don’t stop and nag. Parents go on dress up and get ready to work. Inform the child that you are leaving soon, otherwise she will have to stay home by herself (with a gentle and steady voice). In that case, you will have the opportunity to divert her attention.

3. Check the activities of the day
It would be helpful if parents can check with the teacher the activities of the day. Then parents can have the child to have something to look forward instead of dreaded about school. Also, parents can mention the name of her friends in school, like what they will be doing with your child later in the school. In short, try to distract the child from being negative about school.

4. Normalize the cry
Some time I feel that some adults take crying quite negatively. Those do not cry will be labeled as good child, whereas the crying child will be labeled as not so good child. But I think the child should be allowed to cry, because every child is different in how they show and express their emotions. They are still too young to express their feelings in words. Thus, crying is still their “vocabulary” to show their feelings. Thus, I feel that may be parents let child know that it’s ok to cry because she is still adjusting to school. Try to encourage the child that she will get used to school slowly. By then she will be able to make.

5. Wake up earlier
I think it would be helpful if parents can wake up the child earlier. The child is given some time to “wake up” and to have breakfast. Otherwise, the morning will fill with nagging and hurrying. If that is the case, I don’t think it would do any good for both parents and child.

6. Accept “relapse”
May be the child seems to adjust to the new environment after couple weeks. But then at the third week, the child suddenly cries when she sees school. What parents can do is telling the child that “it’s ok to cry, because it takes some time to adjust.” However, parents do not stop. Be firm and proceed to the queue or places where they should be in.

7. Be patience without giving in
Through the process of adjusting to school, some children might show strange behaviors. Imagine a child being left alone by parents in a new environment, how do you feel? In the beginning process of going to school, the child might have some sense of insecurity. Help your child to express their feelings in words, instead of parents reacting to the child’s “strange behaviors.” Talk to the child and find out whether it is the fear that bothers the child. Then assure the child that you have checked and found out that school is the safe place to learn. Meanwhile, do not give in to the child’s negative behaviors by quitting school, otherwise, the chances for the child to show that “strange behaviors” to get what she wants would be higher in the future.

Last but not least, have faith in the child that she is going to make it one day. If it is still not happen in the following weeks, do not blame yourself. Take it as an opportunity for parents and child to work together.

Additional Factors to Consider in Choosing Kindergarten

2008-01-05T03:11:00.000-08:00

I apologize for "disappearing" for a while. Recently, I have been busy trying to figure out how to make this blog to be a better blog, a more resourceful blog. Other than that, I was also busy preparing my first child for going to kindergarten and also busy working on my new book.

Recently, I met a friend who is secondary school counseling teacher. Her youngest daughter is goin to primary one this year. She shared with me that the neighborhood of the kindergarten is also a crucial factor to consider. I agree with her opinion. I think it is quite true. This is because if the residential of that neighborhood is multi-racial, then the child might have more chances to expose to different cultural backgrounds.

Other than that, the vantilating condition of the kindergarten is also another factor you migth want to take a note, especially if the child has allergy problem.

After sometime of searching, I noticed there is a popular system, called fungates, which is adopted by quite a number of kindergartens.

My personal opinion about Fungates is it is almost like a "Christianized Montessori." One of the similiarities between Montessori and Fungates is both of the teaching methods go from concrete to abstract. Usage of proper materials to enhance learning is common in Montessori and Fungates. Character buidling is also an important feature for both programs.

One difference between Fungates and Montessori is Fungate kindergarten starts out the day by devotion and they have Christian drama every Friday. Fungates system has more group activites than Montessori. Montessori setting uses more natural materials, like wooden materials. Whereas Fungates uses more plastics made materials.

I am sure there are more factors to consider in terms of choosing the best for our children. Feel free to add in your comments.

Montessori kindergartens in Malaysia

2007-12-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

Jairus, my first child, has grown up before I realized it. He is going to school in a few weeks, as if it was yesterday that I held him back from the hospital when he was born. I wish time would go slower...

I finished the ten days Montessori workshop finally. I met numbers of delegated pre-school teachers, music teacher, and some helpful information about the Montessori kindergartens in Malaysia.

I found out there are many Montessori kindergartens in Klang Valley, but they are only a few striving to have full Montessori method and materials. There are three kindergartens own by MMI (Modern Montessori International), a training center for Montessori teachers, namely Taska & Tadika Sri ACMAR in Klang, contact number is 03-33443655, Tadika Mega Kids, contact number is 03-56327101. Another one is in Valencia residential area, Sungai Buloh. The conact number is 03-6140-1002. It only caters for the residence there. If you like to have more information call MMI at 03-56315281 for details or visit their website at http://www.mmi-malaysia.com

Nonetheless, Tadika Diyana, located in Taman Tun, also has Montessori facilities and method of teaching. Their website is http://www.tadikadiyana.com.my/.

Last but not least, there is also a Montessori based kindergarten in Country Height Kajang. The pricipal herself has the Montessori background and she is actively involved in conducting the Montessori classes. All the teachers have Montessori background. If you are interested, you can visit to have a look at their program, their website is http://www.chkindi.edu.my

Which kindergarten for my first child?

2007-12-08T07:53:00.000-08:00

I have been scratching my head to decide which kindergarten is best for my son, Jairus, who turns three next year. There are many factors to think about, like the cost, the environment, the teachers, school policies, hygienic condition of the school etc. Seems like it is quite hard to want everything in like a jiwsaw puzzle.

Recently, I attended a Montessori course, just to find out what Montessori is all about. I am deeply impressed by the Montessori method! Inside my heart, I said to myself, "that is the kind of learning environment I want my son expose to!" I have always wanted my children to have fun and to have positive feelings towards learning in schools. But then another concern I have is - how well does this Montessori method prepare my son going to mainstream Chinese primary schools in Kuala Lumpur?
I have not decided which kindergarten to send him yet. I welcome comments or any advice on this issue.