Betty Lochner | Communication Skills Coach

Sorry, I Wasn’t Listening: 5 Ways to Model Better Listening Skills

Betty Lochner — Wed, 18 May 2022 12:34:47 +0000

I have a confession to make when it comes to listening skills. I’m an interrupter. When I already know what someone is trying to say, or I have a point to make, I just cut right in. I know I shouldn’t do it. I know it’s rude. It drives me crazy when other people do it, so why do I?

Most of us aren’t very good listeners. Interrupting may not be your Achilles heel, but I’m guessing there is some bad habit you bring to the listening side of your communication.

I think it’s safe to say we can all use some help with this. Listening is often referred to as the #1 communication skill necessary to be successful in business. I would argue that goes for home as well.

Here’s why improving your listening skills are so very important.

Good listening prevents miscommunication.
Good listening reduces frustration for the speaker.
Listening is required for all types of communication.
On an average day, we will spend over half of our time (55%) engaged in listening.

Becoming a better listener means breaking some habits and developing some new ones. Here are five ways you can improve your listening skills.

1. Be Self Aware

Most of us aren’t aware we are as bad at listening as we really are. The first and most important way to improve this skill is to discover your own listening style. There are three practical ways to do this:

Ask someone you trust to give you honest and specific feedback on how well you listen. You may be surprised that others don’t see you the same way you see yourself.
When you’re in the middle of a conversation, pay attention to how you’re responding. Be aware of your body posture, your facial expression, and your thoughts. Are you focused?
Take my listening skills quiz and see how you do.

2. Be Interested and Attentive

Forget about your cell phone and other distractions. Maintain comfortable eye contact to show that you really are paying attention. Then focus on what the person is saying, not on how you will respond. If your mind wanders off, ask the person to back up and repeat what they said. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what you’re hearing.

3. Be Patient

People think faster than they speak. On average, a person speaks about 125-175 words a minute. The average number of words you’re able to listen to is much more than that – around 450.

Practice listening as though you have plenty of time (even if you think you don’t). In other words, slow your listening down. Don’t jump ahead or practice your reply in your head. When it’s your turn to talk, take a pause and think before you speak.

4. Don’t Interrupt

Don’t cut someone off before they have finished speaking. Ever. If you accidentally do, apologize, and then let them continue to speak. Sometimes it’s really difficult to not jump right in and correct misconceptions or complete a sentence for someone. Make a conscious effort to respect the right of someone to finish their thought and express their opinion without interruption.

5. Listen to Nonverbal Messages

Some experts claim that as much as 93% of our communication is nonverbal. This is why it’s so critical to pay attention more to an individual’s nonverbal messages than simply the words you hear. Consider their tone of voice, facial expressions, energy level, posture, or changes in behavior patterns. Do the nonverbal cues match the message you are receiving?

The Listening Challenge

Pick one of these five listening areas above to work on.
Every conversation you are in, practice improving this skill.

One of the best ways to encourage good listening in others is to model it yourself. In other words, if you want to be heard, you better start listening better yourself.

It takes time, energy, and commitment to be a better listener but the payoff is huge. It can improve your work performance, opportunities for advancement, and your relationships at home.

Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, business coach, and expert in workplace communications. She is the author of two books on communication, and a newly published journal, Intentional Gratitude.

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Communication Tools: The Power of Positive Micro-Connects

Betty Lochner — Sat, 12 Mar 2022 17:26:02 +0000

I can live one or two months on one good compliment. ~ Mark Twain

Communication Micro-Connects and Appreciation

News flash: We live in a culture that is appreciation deprived. Studies show that up to 70% of workers feel they are not regularly appreciated at work.

But the good news is that studies also show that when you give appreciation to someone on a regular and informal basis, you will see 5x more engagement/productivity. Wow!

A University of Washington study found that:

Kids at home receive positive vs negative feedback at a ratio of 1:14 (1 positive interaction for every 14 negative interactions). That means that for every time they get encouragement, they get 14 negative responses, such as saying things like stop doing that, don’t hit your brother, eat your vegetables, you can do better. Or doing things like – multi-tasking, not paying attention, and not listening.
At work the ration of positive to negative feedback is 1:10 (1 positive interaction to every 10 negative interactions). It’s almost as bad. Think about it — how often do you have positive vs. negative interactions in a day? tio

In long-term successful relationships at work and at home, a typical day includes a ratio of 9:1 (9 positive to 1 negative interaction)

Clearly, we need to flip the numbers and start giving more positive and less negative feedback!

We don’t we do better?

It’s not that we don’t want to. It’s mostly because we generally aren’t all that aware of what we aren’t doing. And, for most of us, we don’t realize how great of an impact a focus on positive interaction can really make.

We simply don’t understand how important it is to make a concerted effort to regularly practice the art of giving regular appreciation to those around us.

How we can do better: Communication Micro-Connects

One of the best ways to make simple positive changes in your interactions is to focus on your communication “micro-connects.” Micro-connects are small things you can do every time you interact with someone that is positive. It shows you care and appreciate them.

One of the best ways to improve your micro-connections is to be a better listener. You can do that by consistently paying full attention, pausing (don’t interrupt), asking clarifying questions to make sure you understand. And most important, stop multi-tasking and maintain good eye contact.

Small Changes Make Big Differences

Here are some other great ways to add micro-connects to your daily interactions:

Change your body position to get on equal level with who you are talking to. This is important to avoid unintentionally creating a “power position” with the person you are talking with. If they are standing, stand. If they are sitting, sit down with them.
Smile. I’m not talking about a fake smile, but a genuine smile where the corners of your eyes crinkle. Demonstrate that you are happy to be with them.
Notice small things and mention them. For example, a new picture in someone’s office, new clothes, something they are carrying. Look for the details and connect with them.
Remember names and use them. If you don’t think you’re good at remembering names, it’s probably because you are telling yourself that. Start with the person wearing a name tag at the grocery store and go from there!
Go out of your way to do something nice for someone. Hold a door, grab a coffee together. Small gestures show you care. Make them a regular daily habit.
Catch people doing something good and tell them right away (and then tell their boss!)
Write a short note of appreciation or thanks. Snail mail and cards are even more significant in this age on modern technology. Take a minute, even if it’s just to write a few words on a sticky note.
Create fun: tell a joke, share a funny story – engage in a fun topic. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Stop and enjoy the journey. Don’t be in such a rush that you don’t acknowledge, pay attention and respond in a positive way.

Practice to Improve

I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone and make better communication micro-connections with everyone you come in contact with. Exercise your appreciation muscle often through these simple micro-connects and they will soon become habits. I promise that you will immediately see changes in your relationships. You’ll notice right away the differences: better engagement, responses and results.

Betty Lochner is the Owner of Cornerstone Coaching & Training. She specializes in improving interpersonal communication skills, building and leading teams, training supervisors, career coaching, and solving human resources issues.

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Workplace Communication: The Solve Session

Betty Lochner — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 01:18:33 +0000

We can all use a good solve session.

That’s because we all have issues that keep us up at night. And we need some different perspectives to solve them. By starting a solve session group, you can do just that.

Think about this: Have you ever come home and vented to a friend or partner about work? Or your dead-end career? Or something your boss said or did? Do you ever get stuck on the issue and need help moving from venting to solving? Then you should definitely consider holding a solve session with a small group of friends (or a trusted work team).

How a Solve Session Works

Problems often need perspective to be solved.

A solve session group will work together to help each other solve a career, communication or other work challenge in an informal setting. It is an efficient way to get out of “being stuck” on an issue, make a decision, and move on!

The session will help you discover information and perspectives you can use to work out a problem, issue or frustration that is affecting you and others.
It brings people together who have similar interests and issues.
Solve sessions are a short-term, quick results opportunity. Sometimes a group stays together to work on a problem for a few weeks, but often it’s a one-time laser focused discussion about one issue and best ways to resolve it.

The Solve Session Process

It’s all about learning and gaining understanding through hearing how others respond and interpret the situation. The process allows learning different perspectives and ideas from each other.

Prework

Ask yourself: What it the core issue here? What is keeping you up at night? Is there a recurring issue or problem you just can’t get your arms around? Did something happen that you are trying to process how to respond? Write the core issue down.
Decide on participants: Who can you include to brainstorm a way to address and solve this issue? Think about people in your life who may have different experience from you but may also benefit from a discussion on this issue. Limit your group to 3-5 people that you trust and are willing to reciprocate with when they want to hold a similar session.
Confirm trust and confidentiality with your members. Is everyone willing to share open and honestly, and maintain confidentiality?
Set up a time and place that is away from the distractions of work. Maybe coffee or lunch, a Zoom call after work, or dinner on a weekend.

The Solve Session Agenda

Start the session by sharing the issue with an overview and history. Be succinct. Share how the issue makes you feel, and the impact it has on you or others. What are you trying to solve? State the issue as clearly as you can.
Ask for initial first thoughts – quick and specific feedback on your situation and what your next steps might be.
Keep the session focused on the one topic. Keep a list of non-related items that come up that you may want to discuss in a different session or in a different format.
The session should be short — 30 min or so. You can get a lot of input in a short amount of time if you stay focused.

Next Steps

Wrap Up: After you complete a group solve session, did you gain new skills or understanding? Write down 3-5 key take-away points you want to remember and consider as you decide what to do next and/or how to do it.
Do you want to meet again on this issue or is there someone in your group who could benefit from a future solve session regarding their specific issue? Decide if you will meet again and who will be the focus of the session.
Make a plan: What are your next steps?
Now, be brave and follow the plan!

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to have a solve session and it is a tool that can make a huge difference in moving past an issue or ongoing situation. I challenge you to set up a Solve Session to tackle an issue that is on your mind this month. Set a date and do it.

Examples of Solve Session Topics

Career Coaching – Use your solve session group to help establish your professional goals, make career decisions, and develop a professional development action plan.

Communication Issues – Identify and work through specific communication challenges. Examples include finding the issue’s root cause, gaining self-awareness, and developing a plan. It can also be used to develop conversation scripts, and practicing having a hard conversation.

Using a Facilitator

If the issue is particularly sticky, you may want to use a facilitator to help with issue coaching and training. For example, learning skills on how to have a hard conversation, address a scary boss, or how to move on in your career.

You can schedule a free 30 min consolation with me via Zoom to talk more about how to start a solve session group, or any other communication issue you are dealing with. Book me here: Consultation Session.

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Empower 2022 Women’s Summit Series

Betty Lochner — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 07:00:00 +0000

Empower 2022 Women’s Mini Summit Series

Wow. Just Wow.

The Empower 2022 kicked off on January 6th and here’s what one participant (who didn’t even attend live) shared:

I am listening to the first summit session and wow she is an excellent speaker!! I am only 15 minutes in and already want my whole team to listen to this. ~ Carissa Bourdon

Empower 2022 isn’t just another training session. It’s different. Here’s what you’ll get (and why you need to join us!):

A safe, supportive space
A community of women connecting with each other
Captivating content – a different topic each month
Interactive group discussion
Tips, tools, and resources
Gratitude, laughter & fun
Access to a membership community, view recordings, download materials, and connect with Summit Series members and speakers.

Join Women Like You

When you attend any kind of conference or training seminar, it’s helpful to know you’re learning from other women who are just like you. They struggle with balancing work and home life too.

You will learn from women who want to become more confident communicators both personally and professionally. They want to make a difference in the lives of those around them.

Speaker sessions are interactive, inspiring, and in the end, you’ll come away informed, highly motivated & compelled to take action. You’ll experience a variety of interactive exercises, small group breakouts, and discussions, as these women share their personal insights.

Inclusive and Supportive

The series is designed for women of all ages & stages in life to become confident communicators in an inclusive, supportive environment.

PLUS – when you grab your spot now, you’ll get immediate access to the Summit Membership Portal which includes the recording and materials from the January Summit “Own the Room” with Camille Rapacz and the February Summit on Delegation with Jennifer Haury.

When you register (see blue button at the bottom of this email) for the series, you’ll get:

A monthly 90-minute mini-summit with a focused speaker and topic, for 4 months. Note: The Jan and Feb Summits are already recorded and ready for you! With your registration, you get:

Follow-up and replay of each mini-Summit session.
Handouts, worksheets and resources you can immediately put to you.
Ongoing connection to other summit members and speakers.

Join us for the next Summit on April 7

10:00 am PT via Zoom

Topic and Speaker: Stepping into Your Power with Leah Kyaio

So Affordable!

The series cost is just $97 for the 6 sessions: 3 upcoming events and recordings of the first three. There is also a monthly option available for $30 per session.

I hope you’ll join us as we connect and learn together.

Questions?

Contact Betty Lochner, Summit host and facilitator

cornerct@gmail.com | 360-951-1691

The Empower Women’s Summit Series is 6 monthly mini summits held on the first Thursday of each month. Here’s the list of dates and topics:

Jan 6 – How to Own the Room, Camille Rapacz (RECORDED)
Feb 3 – Delegation: How to Empower Yourself and Others, Jennifer Haury
March 3 – Using Energy Work to Heal, Beth Fitzgerald
April 7 – Stepping into Your Power, Leah Kyaio
May 5 – TBD
June 2 – You Are Enough: Claiming Your Place and Moving Forward

The Empower Women’s Summit series is filled with dynamic content, including expert speakers, small group conversations & opportunities to learn in a safe & supportive environment.

It’s not too late to join us!

For more details and registration information:

Empower 2022 Women’s Summit Series

Stay Connected

Please join my free, private FB group to learn more and connect with women supporting women here: Confident Communication for Women

If you have any questions, feel free to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me. I’d love to chat with you about your own communication struggles and victories.

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Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, business coach, and expert in workplace communications. She is the author of two books on communication, and a newly published journal, Intentional Gratitude.

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Mindset Matters: Tips for a 2022 Mindset Make-Over

Betty Lochner — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 01:43:21 +0000

Our mindset matters. This year, I was uniquely reminded of that as we experienced what I refer to as the year of the “busted Christmas”. Our family celebration with our children and grandchildren was cancelled – first due weather, and then illness. We took down a rather sad looking tree that still had presents wrapped and waiting for our grandkids to (eventually) enjoy.

Our busted Christmas Tree – a week after Christmas

But really our Christmas wasn’t busted. We eventually got together with my daughter (just a week later) and had a wonderful time. We still haven’t gotten to be with our son and family, but that’s moved because of a new grandbaby due anyway now!

Since we didn’t spend our Christmas with our “normal” traditions with family we had an opportunity for a different kind Christmas experience. We got to spend Christmas with dear friends, and then have lots of quiet time – something we’ve never done before.

Moving in 2022 with a new mindset

Most people think of the beginning of a new year as a fresh start. An opportunity to set new goals and change your behavior. Nice idea – but don’t fall for it. When it comes to making a fresh start, it isn’t about a date or place. It’s about changing your mindset.

If you’ve ever been to a gym in the first week of January, you’ve witnessed the great migration of new year resolution makers. You’ve probably also seen that crowd thin by mid-February, and then be pretty much back to the same numbers by March.

It’s not about setting the goal. It’s about your mindset around your goal. If you don’t change your thinking, you won’t change your habits.

Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

We like what’s comfortable. Part of the challenge of changing our mindset to be open to new things and stick with them is that we are creatures of habit and will naturally lean toward what’s comfortable. A nice Netflix binge sounds way comfier than a run. That’s why you have to repeat things more than once and make them a habit – even when you don’t feel like it.

Here are a few tips to give a try for a growth mindset make-over. Pick one, then practice it until it becomes a habit.

1. Change your words

Practice choosing words that a take you from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. By making the use positive effects simple language change, you’ll start to switch from a set or “fixed” mindset to retraining your brain to see problems and change as an opportunity for growth. Examples:

Instead of this language Try this

I can’t do it. I’m on the right track.

I made a mistake. Mistakes help me learn.

This is too hard. This may take some effort!

I give up. Let me try a different way.

2. Use positive affirmations

Write down words of encouragement and put them where you can see them. “You’ve got this” – “No pain, no gain” – “Time for a stretch!” — can help keep a positive attitude about yourself. Smile when you see them. That will help you stay in a positive and growth mindset.

3. Be grateful

Practice daily gratitude to remind you of everything going well in your life and set the tone for the day. Start making gratitude a habit. Your success in this area will be a gamechanger for your overall mindset.

4. Reset when necessary

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up or talk down to yourself. If you lose momentum or find yourself straying back to your comfort zone, stay positive, visit your affirmations, and give yourself some grace. Start each day/hour fresh. Talk nice to yourself and be kind. It will make all the difference.

5. Find an accountability buddy

You don’t have to conquer your mindset alone. It’s a lot easier to make an effort to show up or do something if you have a partner who is doing the same, counting on you, and is there to support you on good days and bad. Reach out to a friend or someone with a similar goal.

I have an accountability buddy that I get on a Zoom call with every other week to share successes, challenges, and goals with. We encourage each other and help each other to stay on track. It’s made a huge difference for me in developing long-term habits and mindset changes.

6. Focus on your long-term vision

Look beyond today and visualize the long-term future you want for yourself. What do you see after you shift your mindset, do the thing, or meet the goal? Make a vision board, write it in a journal in detail, or just start each day reminding yourself of your long term vision for yourself.

Once you change your mindset, then the real changes in your life happen.

Happy New Year!

Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, and expert in workplace communications. She is the author of several books on communication, and a journal, Intentional Gratitude.

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5 Tips for Dealing with Holiday Conflict

Betty Lochner — Wed, 22 Dec 2021 06:00:35 +0000

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. ~William James

Are you dreading one more holiday season with your extended family? Do you just know that Aunt Irene is going to badger you about why you aren’t married yet? Or, that your mother in-law will treat you like you aren’t good enough for her son? Or maybe it’s the strained relationship with a sibling over something that happened years ago. I could come up with hundreds of scenarios, but I’m sure you have your own holiday conflict menu to pick from.

So, how do you get through the holidays without arguing with someone, playing peace maker, or tearing out your hair?

Why the same issues every time we get together?

Usually, the reason the same conflict issues come up over and over is that the issues and feelings about them aren’t dealt with as they come up. We don’t communicate about them when they first appear, we hold our feelings inside, and we let them fester until the pile gets so high that it is no longer a little issue, but one that causes stress and conflict.

Here are my 5 tips for dealing with holiday conflict:

1. Prepare in advance

Think through the possible scenarios in advance. Visualize how you want to respond. Take a minute to meditate or pray – I like to pray that the day will go well and that I am giving wisdom to do the right thing (or at least not make things worse). Show up with a calm and “prepared for anything” attitude.

2. Pick your battles

When potential conflict appears, decide: Can you let it go? Or do you need to deal with it? Is it your issue to deal with? Or should you butt out? If you do need to have a difficult conversation with someone, see 6 Steps to Handling Conflict Well.

3. Don’t overindulge

I know that “the holidays” are synonymous with overindulgence but do think twice about that. Don’t drink too much alcohol, coffee, eat too many sweets, get overtired, or do anything that keeps you from being alert, reasonable, and present.

4. Be respectful

No matter how you feel about the situation, be respectful of everyone – even those you don’t particularly like. Sometimes that means doing a lot more listening than talking. Try listening at least 2 times longer than you talk in each conversation you have that day.

5. Model good behavior

You can only control your behavior, so make sure it’s good! Display behavior that others may follow and that doesn’t add any stress. And you’ll be teaching future generations how to behave in similar situations.

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Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, and expert in workplace communications. She is the author of several books on communication, and a newly published journal, Intentional Gratitude.

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Gifts of Gratitude: 10 Ways to Give from the Heart

Betty Lochner — Wed, 08 Dec 2021 12:00:00 +0000

If you are like me, when you reflect on your most favorite gifts you’ve ever received, they are the ones that are gifts of gratitude that have come from the heart. Last Christmas my favorite gifts – by far – were the original artwork made especially for me by my toddler grandkids.

Meaningful gifts that come from a heart filled with gratitude are the gifts that are treasured and remembered. And they often don’t expire or wear out!

I’ve gathered up my top 10 favorite gift ideas that focus on gratitude, are low-cost, and require only a little bit of your time and creativity.

1. Coupon Book

Give the gift service. Think about something the recipient doesn’t like to do such as laundry, picking up dog poop, or running errands. You can add things they do like to do such as a monthly coffee date, or glass of wine together.

You can make a free coupon in a Word doc, Canva, or easily download a template online. Here’s an example of a coupon book I got for bosses one year. I loved it and enjoyed it for months as a redeemed the coupons. And, I still have it!

2. Gift of the Month

Similar to the coupon idea, use your specialty (cookies, running errands, casseroles, soup, bread, salsa, babysitting, document editing, etc.) and give a certificate for a Gift of the Month, that says something like, Congratulations! You are a member of the Cookie of the Month Club. Once a month for the next 12 months you will receive 2 dozen cookies, delivered to your doorstep.

3. Write a Heartfelt Card or Letter

Share how the recipient has impacted your life and share your gratitude for what they’ve done for you or how they’ve influenced you. I have a friend who got a letter from her teenage grandson, who didn’t manage his money well enough to buy gifts one year. He wrote to her about how she had always been in his life and shown up — at this games, important events – and how glad he was she was his grandma. She told me it was the best gift she has ever gotten, and it still tugs at her heart to think about it.

4. Create a Personalized Music Playlist

Make a list of retro songs from when a favorite decade, a power list for commuting, or a workout playlist. I guarantee they will think of you every time they play it.

5. Collect Favorite Recipes

Print out and staple together your (or their) favorite recipes and include with something you have baked for them. I did this for my mom, and now have a wonderful book of favorite family recipes collected for others to enjoy. It started as a project of gathering up unorganized recipes and turned into a gift that has been a favorite of many of my friends and family.

6. Bundle of Inspiration

Write a few cards, letters or gather inspirational quotes and label them. Examples: read this when you are sad, when you are missing me, when you need inspiration, when you feel homesick, etc. Seal each letter and tie the bundle up with a ribbon.

7. Create a Top 10 List

Make a list (David Letterman style) that starts with #10 and works down to #1 of the top things you appreciate about them. Have fun with it and simply share what you love about them. Write it on fancy paper or in a nice blank card. You can add a favorite treat, coffee card, or a small item if you want.

8. Pass on Something Sentimental

Give something you own that you know they would love to have and will enjoy as much you do (maybe more). I had a friend who collected beautiful candle holders that I always admired. One year she gave me one. It was my favorite gift that year.

My mom gave me the Nativity set that I played with as a child the year I was pregnant with our first child with a note that read, I hope your little one loves playing with this as much as you did. I keep the note with the Nativity set and read it each year.

A few ideas of items you could pass on include:

A poster, photo, dish, knickknack, collectable, journal or book you own that you know they would love.
A picture of the two of you together (always a hit).

9. Make a Date

Share plans to enjoy time together – at an event, on a hike, or whatever activity they enjoy. Time together is a gift they’ll look forward to. My son gave me a gift of lunch together at a future date – just him and me. No other family members. We had a wonderful time without the usual distractions and interruptions that come with kids underfoot.

10. Make a Journal

Take a blank notebook and write in the front of it what you hope they’ll do with it such as write down your daily gratitude, journal about life, their next trip…

Remember, often the simplest gifts are the most genuine and heartfelt. Take some time to think about the personality of the person and tailor a creative, personalized gift from you. Don’t overthink it. Give with gratitude and love and you can’t go wrong.

Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, and expert in workplace communications. She is the author of several books on communication, and a newly published journal, Intentional Gratitude.

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Appreciation Isn’t Just For the Holidays

Betty Lochner — Wed, 17 Nov 2021 10:55:00 +0000

Holiday Appreciation. It’s something we do regularly this time of year.

The period from Thanksgiving through New Year’s is the time of year when most of us demonstrate extra appreciation and gratitude for family and friends. And, maybe even for the mailman and the store clerk.

Wouldn’t it be nice to experience that kind of holiday appreciation every day of the year?

It’s really not hard to do, and the payoff in building strong relationships is enormous. Studies show that we are an under appreciated culture.

50% of workers believe being thanked by managers not only improved their relationship but also built trust (Cicero group).

75% of workers said they haven’t received praise or recoginition in the last 7 days or more (Gallup).

Expressing appreciation and gratitude to a partner leads to an improved and more positive relationship (American Pschological Assoc).

Showing Regular Appreciation is a Powerful Communication Tool

Strengthening our communication skills begins by making the habit of our holiday appreciation a part of our daily lives all year round.

We do lots of things every day on automatic pilot, simply out of habit. Things like taking a shower, making coffee, or going to work. We don’t usually have to put these items on our “to do” list, we just do them.

How to Make Holiday Appreciation Last All Year

It takes 30-60 days for something to become routine. Here are two great tips for building your appreciation muscle and making appreciation a part of your day, every day.

1. Set a Daily Goal

Make a goal of appreciating 5-10 people every day:

Put it on your daily “to do” list.
Don’t go to bed without achieving your daily quota.

Appreciate your spouse and children, write letters to your mom, e-mail your friends, or thank the grocery clerk who served you with a smile. They all count.

If you do this every single day for at least a month, it will start to become part of your daily life and help you develop the skill of positive communication. You’ll see your daily attitude and relationships change to be more positive and focused on what’s going well in your day.

2. Try Different Types of Appreciation

This tip focuses on the how of appreciation. People generally have a preferred way of learning and receiving information: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. These are the three ways that our brains take in information, and everyone has a dominant type they prefer. I like to refer to the three ways as V-A-K. If you know a person’s preferred style, you will get the most impact by tailoring the type of appreciation you give to suit the person.

Here are some examples for each type:

The V: Visual people like to see appreciation. Letters, cards, flowers, certificates, and pictures are perfect for these individuals. Having them see you doing a chore or service also works.
The A: Auditory people like to hear appreciation. For these folks, expressing thanks verbally, especially using a caring and compassionate tone in our voice, is the best way to let them know how much we appreciate them. And, if you sing, then sing to them! They will love it.
The K: Kinesthetic people like to feel appreciation. They like to do things that make them feel good, like getting a massage, a hug, or spending some quality time with them close by.

Experiment with the different types of appreciation, and observe how much more deeply your appreciation is received when you find the preferred way to deliver it for each individual.

When in doubt, use all three types of communication. It’s the trifecta of appreciation: Tell them, show them and give them a pat on the back!

For example, put your arm around your kids when you tell them how much you appreciate them and then follow up later with a simple thank you card.

For more ideas, check out my post 10 Ways to Show Appreciation

Take the Appreciation Challenge

So, here’s my challenge to you: Get some practice in during the holidays, when everyone’s doing it. And, then, make a goal to use appreciation as your daily communication power tool. I guarantee you that the results will be transforming at work and at home.

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You can schedule a free consultation coaching session with Betty to help you with any workplace communication, HR, or career issues you have.

The post Appreciation Isn’t Just For the Holidays appeared first on Betty Lochner | Communication Skills Coach.

Tips for Managing Work from Home

Betty Lochner — Fri, 22 Oct 2021 23:51:44 +0000

There are many benefits to working from home. A few include no commute, you can wear what you want (at least from your waist down!) and there are usually fewer distractions.

Studies are showing that most of us who work from home are more productive, less stressed, and can even save money. And while this is all great, there are definitely some challenges that go with working some home. They can include getting less exercise, a blurred line between work and home life, feeling isolated, and digital fatigue.

Quite frankly, many of us are having have a hard time managing work from home and the work-life balance as well as we’d like to.

I’ve previously shared on this blog some tips on the myth of multi-tasking, and even on how to best transition back to the office. In this post, I’m sharing some additional tips for you if you are managing to work from home full or part-time.

What else do you need to know to be successful working from home? Do those who work from home really have it made, or is there a downside? What are some tips for managing your time and energy when you’re not in the office with other people?

You’ll find answers to these questions along with best practices and tips for managing working from home in the following graphic courtesy of Hippo Home Insurance.

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Make Gratitude Your New Normal

Betty Lochner — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 19:21:44 +0000

Make gratitude the new normal in your life.

As we welcome fall, we begin the season leading up to the big day of gratitude – Thanksgiving – when we celebrate all of our blessings with friends and relatives.

I love fall for this very reason. Gratitude comes into the spotlight! Then, after Thanksgiving, comes the season of giving (Christmas/Hanukkah) and more gratitude and goodwill. Win-Win.

Then, sometime in January, we go back to the “real world” of uncertainty, resolutations, frustration, maybe even depression, right?

So, what if we started now and practiced daily gratitude to make it a habit – our new normal – year round?

The benefits of making gratitude a daily part of your life are many. Hundreds of studies have proven it improves your health, helps you sleep better, extends your life, and increases feelings of happiness and self-worth. It will do more than just add joy to your life, it will also help you build your resilience, by focusing on what is important right now and putting things out of your control in the proper perspective.

Here are some ways to move into making the power of gratitude your new normal.

Make a mindset shift.

Using gratitude is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced. It is a mindset shift. It changes your perspective from focusing on the negative in your life to embracing what’s going right on a regular basis.

In times of stress or overwhelm, it’s even more important to seek out gratitude pick-me-ups that can help us shift to a happier, more optimistic mindset.

To make a mindset shift, you must seek out and practice it in your life, every day. You’ll find it will be even the small, yet important things, in our lives that will help you do this.

Start a Gratitude Journal.

An organized way to help build the habit is to use a gratitude journal. Studies have found that spending 5 minutes a day with a journal writing down what you are thankful for can increase your long-term well-being.

Keeping a regular journal is one of the easiest ways to practice regular gratitude. But, the benefits you’ll get doesn’t happen overnight. The chart below shows that it takes a few weeks for the habit to make a difference in your life.

Start Today

So, friends, I challenge you to start or step up your daily practice of gratitude today.

If you don’t have a copy of my Intentional Gratitude journal – or want one to give to a friend or family this season you can order them from Amazon here.

Free 7 Days of Gratitude

If you want to see a sample, you can download 7 Days of Gratitude for free.

Even without a journal, you can get the same benefits by:

Begin every day with three things that you’re grateful for.
Spend time during your day to notice and celebrate small moments of joy.
Communicate often with loved ones, encourage your neighbors and friends, and live a life of gratitude!
End your day with gratefulness for what went well during the day and count your blessings instead of your trials.
Each day this month, list a few things you are grateful for on a pumpkin (a thin sharpie pen works great). Use it as a centerpiece or decoration (see photo above).

I hope you fully enjoy this beautiful season.

For resources, tips, and tools for leadership training, management coaching, and effective communication in the workplace follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn today.

Betty Lochner is a human resources consultant, business coach, and expert in workplace communications. She is the owner and CEO of Cornerstone Coaching & Training, dedicated to helping individuals, workgroups and organizations become better communicators and leaders. She is the author of 4 books.

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