There has been a lot of talk about a happiness index. Is happiness really what we are after? Or is happiness a byproduct or a result of something else?

I’m sure you will be aware that Brefi Group’s slogan is “releasing human potential”. I believe it is a worthy objective that all people should be able to achieve their potential, and it is certainly a major responsibility of coaches to help their clients to discover and achieve their potential.

If you explore our website in more detail you will discover that our mission is “Brefi Group helps individuals and teams in organisations discover and achieve their potential so that they can become more effective with less stress.”

The American Declaration of Independence refers to happiness. But it does not say that government should pursue the happiness of its citizens, only that it should secure its citizens’ unalienable right to pursue it for themselves.

In fact the British government has not been seduced by the concept of happiness, and general well-being can encompass a range of other indicators. Other countries – including Bhutan, Colombia and Mexico – and the UNDP Human Development Report recognise this, and are developing measures of well-being, poverty and inequality that recognise the multidimensional nature of these issues.

No doubt the Office of National Statistics will have its own ideas about how to prepare a well-being index. Coaches already have a model for this purpose. And it is often useful to talk our clients through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs so that they can put into perspective their own situation and identify areas where change can help improve it.

Let me remind you that there are four layers that Maslow calls “deficiency needs”. If these are not met an individual feels anxious. The deficiency needs are: physiological, safety needs, love/belonging, and esteem needs.

If some needs are not fulfilled, a human physiological need takes the highest priority. Physiological needs can control thoughts and behaviours, and can cause people to feel, sickness pain and discomfort.

Some of these deficiency needs can arise from bad arrangements in the workplace. Some of them can arise as a result of bad relationships and cultural problems within an organisation.

And the higher up they are in the hierarchy of needs the more likely they are to be relevant to issues that will be encountered in both life coaching and executive coaching, as well as day-to-day management.

Maslow’s concept that these needs form a hierarchy means that it is not reasonable to focus on esteem and self-actualisation unless other aspects of an individual’s work or home life have been addressed.

Self-actualisation is the instinctual need of humans to make the most of their abilities and to strive to be the best they can.

Because of the hierarchical nature of these needs it would be reasonable to measure a nation’s success in terms of the ability of its citizens to reach their potential because, by definition, if they successfully achieve self-actualisation, then the other needs must have been met. Achieving potential and self-actualisation are closely related.

At an organisational level, this means that HR strategies should be multi-dimensional and holistic in order to achieve an organisation’s strategic objectives.

I was delighted many years ago when Investors In People was introduced because this takes just such an approach.

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

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Teo Jin Lee is President of the Singapore Chapter of the IAC and is managing director of SMG Training Systems.

SMG Training Systems (SMG) was established in Singapore in 1996 with the vision of helping organizations bring out the best in their human capital, deliver on business results and make changes happen.

SMG supports the Asia Pacific region with operations also in China with the establishment of SMG Consulting in Shanghai in 2003 and Thailand in 2006.

Richard Winfield is founder director of the Brefi Group management development consultancy and program designer and master trainer for the ASEC School of Executive Coaching. He has supported Krishna Kumar in the launch of the Intrad School of Executive Coaching in Bangalore, India, and is currently in discussion with other local providers in Asia, Africa and the Middle East.

Richard Winfield is editor of CorporateCoach.

One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be.

They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip, the father asked his son,

“How was the trip?” “Very good Dad!” ”

Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Yeah!” “And what did you learn?”

The son answered,

“I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars.

Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon.”

When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless.

His son added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how ‘poor’ we are!”

Isn’t it true that it all depends on the way you look at things?

If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life — you’ve got everything!

You can’t buy any of these things.

You may have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc.; but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!

What can we learn from this story?

Please feel free to share or comment below, as I believe each one of you can learn from one another how we look at things in our life.

Thank you : )

Ngee Key is the founder and owner of Springboard Talent.
He is a Certified Career Management Coach, Facilitator, Trainer and Speaker
focused on empowering people to find their own answers, encouraging and
supporting them on the path as they continue to make important choices.

There was a time when I first came across him, when I was tempted to contact him and ask whether there were any restaurants in Birmingham that he actually approved of.

However, soon after that he began to report some excellent experiences and Birmingham is now a thriving culinary centre.

Recently he reported on two newly opened restaurants, both members of international chains. In both cases he was scathing about the experience. One of them was Jamie’s Italian in Birmingham’s Bull Ring.

There was no response from Jamie Oliver’s organisation, nor was one expected.

The other restaurant was Carluccio’s. An hour after the review was published Carluccio’s public relations company approached McComb to say that managing director Simon Kossoff was mortified to read of his experience. He intended to drive from London to Birmingham the next day to address the complaints that were raised in the article, and invited the author to attend at the same time.

This was not a public relations exercise. There was a full meeting with the staff to address the issues and steps were taken seriously to put things right.

One of my strongly propounded beliefs is that ‘all feedback is a gift’ . And I tend to give quite a lot of feedback. Clearly, as a coach this is part of my professional skill and it is always done with the intention of bringing about improvements.

So you can imagine that I really enjoyed reading Richard McCombe’s description of the two responses he had (or have not had) from the two restaurants. Which one is more likely to succeed – and which one is more likely to develop a healthy attitude in its staff?

I was pleased to learn that I am not alone.

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A successful woman, my mother had focused almost exclusively on business and family; no time to stop and really think about what she loved doing. The diagnosis cut so deep in part because she was not truly fulfilled. My mother thought she was at a new beginning–only to find out it was too late. She had instead come to a sudden end.

I was raised to believe I could do anything. As my natural inclination was always to see things from a bird’s eye view, choosing to study macroeconomic and monetary policy felt natural, too. With a banking career in the financial center of London, I thought I was living a truly successful life, fulfilling my dream. Three years later, I received the devastating news about my mother. As my sister and I began the journey to help our mother heal, I recognized her life as my own, and her regret as my predictable future.

So many of us spend our lives climbing a ladder, only to discover it is leaning against the wrong wall. I wanted to begin the process of creating and living a fulfilling life–now.

To read the rest of this chapter or to purchase “The Wealth Garden” click here.

Before my brother-in-law retired he asked my father whether he had any advice. He said, “If I had known how long I was going to live, I would have done things differently.”

My father went on to live until he was 93 and was active into his 90s.

When we were at the ICF conference in Fort Worth last month we were repeatedly told that we would be living until we are over 100. I think it was probably an exaggeration, and on one occasion we were told that if you are now under 50 there is a 9% chance that you will live to 100; though it might have been 90%!

One of the workshops that I attended was about ageing.

Mark Twain said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Unsurprisingly, many of the people who had chosen to attend were middle-aged or above. I think it is fair to say that all of us are active.

At the same time students in France were rioting in protest against the prospect of having to work until the age of 62. In the UK we were being told that in future we shall probably have to work until we are 70. And on my return, the National Union of Journalists with striking because of concerns about changes to pension arrangements at the BBC.

We are facing a time of major change in expectations and, like my father recommended, we should start to think about the consequences.

One consequence, obviously, is that we should think again about the timing and, perhaps, the process of our retirement.

New generations

Another consequence which was discussed in the workshop is that we can have four or five different generations working in the same organisation. Unlike past generations who differed mainly in terms of their age, these generations think differently.

According to the definitions we were given, people born before 1946 count as the Silent Generation, alternatively The Traditionalists.

Those born between 1946 and 1964 are the famous Baby Boomers; traditionally these would be expecting to retire soon.

Those born between 1965 and 1981 are known as Generation X; they are looking for work life balance.

Those born between 1982 and 2000 are known as generation Y; these people are looking for constant feedback and fun.

And those born after 2000; well, apparently, their brains are wired differently! These are the people who have grown up with the Internet, Google, Facebook and the iPhone.

This is a major challenge for anybody in management. It is a truism in coaching that just because you got to where you are by being successful in the past, it doesn’t mean that you can continue to be successful by doing the same things in the future.

Now, though, what is required is potentially more than just adjustment and evolution. What is required is a range of new communication and management skills, and an ability to apply different approaches to different members of your team or organisation.

Since communication is one of the skills that is often taught through coaching, this suggests a major opportunity. However, it also implies a significant programme of learning.

Another challenge or opportunity for coaches is helping people to think through how they spend the latter part of their lives.

It is becoming more likely that a simple concept of retirement – in which one day you receive a salary, health insurance and a gold watch, and the next day you stay at home and contemplate a future of gardening and golf – needs, itself, to be retired. Since our elderly are becoming increasingly youthful, this is a waste of resources and often leads to frustration, sickness and maybe an early death.

Furthermore, many people will not have adequate pension provision, so retirement is likely also to mean poverty.

Career planning

Many people will anyway be looking for a new or different approach to life as they pass through middle age. Career planning as a concept should now include consideration of activity for much of the rest of life.

Another aspect of this changing situation is how organisations manage the transition. In the past, the structure of pensions has meant that people really need to continue to increase their salaries and raise their status until the day they leave. However, their financial needs, their energy, and their general interest might suggest a different path.

Two instances from my past which I was able to recount was seized upon by the workshop. One of the managing directors I had worked with had previously worked for Volvo and had explained that their approach was for senior managers in the last years of their career to move out of line management and into mentoring. Since this was nearly 20 years ago it suggests that Volvo was ahead of its time.

Even longer ago I flew to Tokyo on a trade mission. As we approached our destination the in-flight film focused on developments in Japanese industry. It explained that even in those days the Japanese workforce was getting older. It showed an example of how a factory was being redesigned so that rather than the operative lifting a major piece of machinery, the machinery was lifted hydraulically to a natural working height.

It has always seemed to me that apart from raising awareness, one of the roles of a coach is to challenge orthodox thinking.

Now is the time for out-of-the-box thinking.

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

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• International Coach Federation Annual Conference
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I really want you to join me. Events like this are much more enjoyable when you go with a friend and you are much more likely to use the content you learn if someone else is with you to hold you accountable. Topher has insights into the speaking business that no other speaker is willing to share. When you come to the event with me you will learn how to…

Book venues for 50% – 90% off the price that everybody else has to pay.

Calculate true ‘break-even’ points for your seminars. (Most people use a common-sense approach which is faulty and has caused some speakers hundreds of thousands in lost revenue because of it.)

Implement the #1 strategy for guaranteeing a profitable event every time. (This one technique alone is worth the admission when you think about it.)

Plus, he’s going to be covering presentation skills like how to increase your charisma and what non-verbal communication tactics can make or break all of your sales during an event.

Book now – the event is nearly sold out.

I find that it is also a common concern for my clients and I have, in the past, been commissioned to work specifically on this issue.

The main message from me is that networking is not selling. If anything, it is buying. You are collecting information, contacts, relationships. And you buy them with your interest, your listening skills.

Just recently I was looking through my files and I found these suggestions from Debbie Jenkins.

I thought that you would find them useful, too.

“Remember,” she says: -

“The only thing YOU need to do is to ask them all about THEIR business and what THEY do?”

“People, in general, like to hear the sound of their own voice. So if you listen well they’ll trust you and if you ask the right questions, you’ll uncover all the clues you’ll need to decide if you have something to offer them or their contacts.”

So if silence is a great conversation skill then what questions should you be asking to create the right situation for perfecting it? Below are some questions that Debbie has found work well with a few reasons why…

1. WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR JOB?

If you want people to be positive and switched on, then this one will help to keep them talking. You also generate good feelings and a positive response which can be associated memorably with you…

2. HOW DID YOU GET STARTED IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?

Most people love to tell their life story, especially when they are successful. I’m sure you want to make a positive impression on successful people right? What’s more, if you’re really listening, you’ll be likely to learn a thing or two at the same time.

3. WHAT SEPARATES YOUR BUSINESS FROM THE COMPETITION?

Most people aren’t naturally comfortable being seen as a bragger but strangely most of us love to brag! Give them permission and they’ll love you for it!

4. WHAT’S CHANGED IN YOUR INDUSTRY OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS AND WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THE FUTURE?

Let the person you are talking to feel experienced and knowledgeable. After all, we all know more about something than the people we meet. You’ll also be likely to gain an insight on their potential challenges from their observations and speculations too. This information comes in useful for the follow up.

5. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE NEXT?

This one enables the other person to dream a little bit and it presupposes that you already see them as an achiever with goals. It also uncovers clues about how you could help them get there.

6. WHAT’S ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS YOU’VE EXPERIENCED IN YOUR BUSINESS/LIFE?

A funny and memorable story! What else needs to be said? They’ll think you’re humorous and witty even though they did all the talking!

7. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DESCRIBED BY THE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH?

Here’s another opportunity for them to compliment themselves, but more importantly it will uncover exactly what you should use when introducing them to people who they may be able to work with.

8. WHAT’S THE MOST SUCCESSFUL AND SATISFYING WAY YOU WIN BUSINESS?

Uncover a bit about their processes, this will help you to identify how you could help them and gives you positive references to come back to when you follow up later.

9. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL TYPE OF CLIENT/CUSTOMER?

This will help you to pass leads their way and make referrals that they’ll value. It also implicitly tells them that you’ll look out for them, this encourages reciprocation in some cases, but at the very least shows them how you like to network.

10. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

This one is my favourite. It gets people in a good frame of mind and opens up conversations beyond just business. It’s a great way to find clues about common interests and also puts people at their ease.

Obviously, Debbie is not suggesting you just fire these questions off like an interrogation and just asking these questions alone won’t really make much of a difference (and would be kind of shallow) if you don’t actually care about the answers.

So, you need to approach this style of networking with a real commitment to listening and learning about the people you deal with. The follow up is where you begin to move the relationship towards something mutually beneficial, so what Debbie has covered here is the first contact. And, who’s to say that it shouldn’t be you who starts the ball rolling by looking out for the people you meet and know?

Some other things to bear in mind…

Nobody likes being cross-examined. So be sure to ‘disclose’ information about yourself where appropriate. Get talking about, football, golf, holidays or kids or whatever makes you happy. Reveal a little bit about yourself first and you’ll probably find some common ground emerges there too.

A big proportion of your communication is non-verbal and people will make judgements about you based largely upon your appearance. By focusing on the image that you want to project, you can influence the outcome of your communication. Consider the impact that you are having with the clothes you wear and deliver your questions with a genuine sense of curiosity.

Networking should be just one part of your portfolio when it comes to building a business. Another is to write a book. Debbie and her brother, Joe Gregory, have a very successful publishing company. You might want to look them up.

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Tomorrow I fly to Fort Worth for the annual International Coach Federation International Conference. Unfortunately this means that I shall miss Daniel Priestley’s Become a Key Person of Influence in London on Saturday, Success Resources’ Global Internet Seminar on Friday to Sunday, also in London, and a three day conference in Bahrain on The Role of Corporate Governance, at which I had been invited to chair the Stakeholder/CEO Forum.

Well, choice is better than no choice and I shall be packing my cowboy boots and hat so that I can go line dancing at Billy Bob’s in the stockyards. If you are going to be at the ICF Conference, do look out for me and, better still, join me for the dancing lesson at 7.00 pm on Thursday!

I am only just back from Dubai and Bahrain, where I met up with some potential business partners and spoke at the Bahrain Management Society. My talk and slides are on Slideshare. Part of my new practice of following Daniel’s advice on becoming a Key Person of Influence. If you are free, then please take my advice and attend his event on Saturday.

I am actively following Daniel’s strategy and this week have put up a video on YouTube. I am very pleased with it because I made it just by holding my camera at arm’s length and pointing it at me. No editing – as you will note at two points – and very simple.

I also recorded a much longer and more sophisticated introduction to the ASEC Coach Certification Program that I’ll have to edit in the future.

But if you go to Become a Key Person of Influence on Saturday and wonder whether you can manage some of his ideas, just remember how easy it was for me to make a YouTube video.

Jovian types

Before I left for the Gulf, I spent a long weekend at Heathrow with my Quantum Leap friends on the Master Your Mind course with Margeine Holden. Margeine told us that her Jovian type is ‘Projector’. As a result, she needs lots of feedback to give her the energy to present effectively. This is different from me. I am a Manifestor Generator. The Jovian types are related to Human Design.

It is interesting to learn more about these. For example, when I was the co-founder of a newspaper publisher, my colleague used to complain “Why do I have to find all the people, Richard? You have not found any.” It has been a concern throughout my entrepreneurial career that not only can I not find the people I need, but I cannot find the people who can find the people.

What my Jovian type says is that I should wait for opportunities to come to me. In fact, in my early career people used to come to me with business ideas, saying that they thought that I would be able to make them happen. In the case of the newspaper, this was a great commercial success. Some other projects have been less so. The other part of my Jovian type is to sense whether an opportunity is right for me before progressing! Good advice.

Here is the advice on strategies for each of the five types :-

Manifestor: Inform before acting

Pure Generator: Wait to respond

Manifesting Generator: Wait to respond

Projector: Wait to be invited

Reflector: Wait 28 days

As ever, one size does not fit all and a role of the coach is to help people discover their best path.

Interestingly, the web/newsletter approach that Brefi Group has followed for the last ten years is to attract clients to find us.

Recently, we have also been successful in attracting partners, strategic alliances and joint ventures.

A friend of mine says “Trust in God and tie up your horse.” When I was in the Gulf, I read a Muslim saying: “Tie up your camel and trust in God.” In both cases, it is a partnership. You must do something for yourself, as well.

Affirmations

At the Master Your Mind workshop we tried something that I found very powerful.

I am sure that you have come across the power of affirmations. Write them in the present, with the first person as subject and repeat them with energy and emotion.

For example “I enjoy excellent health and exercise every day.”

What we did at Heathrow was to get somebody else to say them to us and after each one, to respond “That is true.”

For example “Richard enjoys excellent health and exercises every day.” Response: “That is true.”

I found that this raised the impact very significantly.

Another exercise was to give one affirmation to each member of a group and then to sit, eyes closed, on a chair. Then for one minute the group would speak or whisper your affirmations at you from different distances and directions. The idea was to overwhelm you with good messages.

The marshmallow test

I must tell you about my childhood. I have been proof reading Andrew Halfacre’s new book “First Know What You Want”.

He describes the marshmallow test. You might remember that

“a group of researchers were looking for a way of working out which children would be successful later in life. They had a theory that people who were able to defer an immediate gain for a later one would be better at working towards future success rather than settling for an easy win. so they came up with the marshmallow test.

“They put a marshmallow in front of a child and told them that if they waited until the researcher came back they could have a second one but if they ate it now they wouldn’t get a second one.

“And you can guess the end of the story. When they followed up years later they found that the children who had waited 10 minutes for the second marshmallow were much better at working towards a gain in the future than taking a gain now.”

Well, when I was young I used to keep my Easter eggs until the following year when I knew that another supply was on the way. The trouble was that by then, the chocolate had started to deteriorate.

This tendency continued for much of my life and I still ensure that I always have a spare product in my larder. This played against me a few years ago. My mother used to make jam and I commented that she had not given me any recently. “But,” she said “you have not used the last lot yet.” “Of course not,” I replied. “I shall not use that jar until I know that I have a spare.”

Anyway, the serious point is that I might well have passed the marshmallow test. But the outcome is that I delay gratification for so long that it might never arrive. In fact the link to reward is not very strong at all. Not good for an entrepreneur!

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

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