Cosmic Mama | Welcome to my Universe.

Day two babble.

2010-10-02T14:54:00.004-04:00

Here's a picture from last week at Ocracoke, just because I like the colors.

I have to come clean. Last night I ate a spoon full of hummus and a couple of pretzels. I was in the kitchen late at night, fixing the kids a snack, and suddenly I just wanted SOMETHING. The cravings kicked in, and the little voice that asks “what the hell are you doing, anyway?” I was able to stop myself before it became an all-out binge, and today I am back on the wagon. I was up a lot last night, I’ll spare the details, but the detoxing has already begun. Today I was slow getting going, but now that I’m up and about I feel really good. I do have to work 12-hour shifts the next three nights in a row, and I’m a little nervous about that. It’s very hard to stay on track at work anyway, which is why so many night shift workers are overweight. Couple that with the sleep deprivation issues, and night shift is a recipe for bad health. Anyway, 12 hours is a long shift, and sometimes we eat just to keep ourselves going. This is going to be a real challenge.

Speaking of sleep, here’s a good article from Mercola that I got in my email yesterday.

Want a good night’s sleep?

Yesterday I managed to finally fill my 7 Earthboxes with soil, and plant some carrots, kale, spinach, collards, fennel, and rutabagas. I know it’s late in the season to be planting fall veggies, but Ruby and the cabbage worms destroyed my first planting. I’m hoping the weather stays mild long enough for me to harvest something by Christmas.

And this is for You, you know who you are.

Within you I lose myself...
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again.
~Author Unknown

Master Cleanse, Day 1.

2010-10-01T18:43:00.007-04:00

I love and approve of myself. Other people support and love me. I freely give love and trust.

This is my affirmation for this week.

Without going into all the sordid details, I’ll say that the past few months have been a time of transition and change for me. I have moved my residence yet again, and changed marital status and jobs, and some of my relationships have morphed too. It has been a time of letting go, and also a time of letting new things in. Not only have I neglected my physical health a little bit during this time, but I have not taken the best care of myself emotionally, and there is now a bit of literal and figurative baggage to shed. So, I have decided to do the Master Cleanse for the second time.

I skipped the salt water flush this morning because I slept in and I don’t have two hours to sit around the house waiting for it to work. I will probably do it this evening at bedtime, and then only once or twice more during the next 10 days. I find it almost intolerable. I can drink my tea morning and night instead. Now, I am off to drink my first quart of lemonade and take the kids and dog to the park.

6 pm: I’m really hungry now. But for the time being, I’m ok with it. The next 10 days are not just about detoxing and the health benefits that go along with that, but, as I said back in January when I did this the first time, they are about getting out of my body a little bit, going beyond what the body wants, getting in touch with the spiritual, mental, and emotional, and getting beyond that “baggage” to make a fresh start. There are many, many things I have to look forward to, but the path has become a little blurry, and this 10 day period is about making it clearer. That is how I feel right now, but as I know from experience, an hour from now I may be a raging bitch, and that is part of the process!

Life is a Game.

2010-09-27T21:45:00.001-04:00

The alternating nights and days of this rotating Earth, and the alternating sorrows and joys in people's lives, are like a checkerboard in multi-dimensions. The rules of the game are set by Karma, the law of cause and effect. Karma arranges the reunion of friends lost to one another in the dark night of death. Karma withdraws souls back into the astral world again, when their time on earth has expired.

As chess pieces, when "captured," are removed and placed in a box, so Destiny, when removing people from the "board" of life, places them in the secret "closet," or resting place, of the other world.

View life's ups and downs with a serene mind. For outward existence is only a game. View your wins and losses with mental detachment, as you would a movie. After viewing a good drama, even a tragic one, you exclaim, "What a good story! I learned much from it." Similarly, even after experiencing tragic events in your life, tell yourself, "I am grateful for that experience! It taught me much."

Life needs variety to be interesting. If a novel makes us laugh or cry, we appreciate it. Think of life as a good novel, or a good movie. Step back from it a little, mentally.

View it in perspective. If you don't like the plot, remember, the freer you are inside, the greater will be your ability to change it.

Karma rules. But who was it set our karma into motion? We did!

Whatever we did in the past we can undo. All we need now is the right determination, born of our increasing inner freedom.

People enjoy games such as chess, and accept their wins and losses more or less even-mindedly. In the same spirit, let us enjoy life, whether it gives us victory or defeat. Let us live calmly and with a sense of gratitude. In that spirit let us enjoy meeting true friends again - after who knows how many lives? And let us accept with calm faith our parting again at death.

Life is a game. Be interested in it, but remain always nonattached. Let nothing affect you inwardly. However things go, remember, there is nothing real about it. Don't be life a certain person who, exultant after winning a chess game, died of a heart attack!

Even during dark hours of bereavement, and during your body's inexorable descent into old age, keep a joyful attitude. The black squares on a checkerboard alternate with the white. Even so, every darkness in life alternates with light, every sorrow with a joy, every failure with a success.

Change and contrast are inevitable, and are what make the great game possible. View them dispassionately, and never allow them to define who you are, inside.

- Karma and Reincarnation: The Wisdom of Yogananda, Volume 2 (v. 2) by Paramhansa Yogananda

Hello again.

2010-09-18T22:15:00.008-04:00

How do you pick up where you left off when you've neglected your blog for almost 6 months? Life got crazy for a while with a job change, a long commute, then another move back to where I came from. Someone asked me recently, "when are you going to start writing in your blog again?" This is a feeble attempt at doing just that, and hopefully it will get me over the hump.

I moved back into a house I own that has a lot of shade and compact, grassless soil, and I decided that I'm going to start an urban homesteading project. Over the course of the next three years, I want to slowly build a mini-farm and see just how much of my family's food I can produce in my own yard. The long term plans include chickens for eggs (new to me) and bees (something I have some experience with). I want to show what an average person, with a less-than-green thumb, can do in an average neighborhood to be self-sufficient and provide her family with fresh, organic food, while still being employed full-time and not having to spend hours a day in the garden. I've started out by building two 4x8 raised beds in the backyard and trying to get some fall veggies going. I've planted one of those beds with cabbage, broccoli, and collards, and the other bed I plan to do a "lasagna garden" with, layering it with what I have on hand right now and letting it compost over the winter so it will be ready for the spring. I also have seven Earthboxes (five "real" ones, and two homemade ones) that I will keep on the deck. There's a small fenced-in area right outside my bedroom door that will allow me to start small while keeping my dirt-loving dog from digging in my new beds. Here's what it looked like upon my return to the house...

Ugly, huh?
I think I can do quite a bit with this small space, and then after next summer I will have to expand to the rest of the yard.

I picked up a copy of the book The Backyard Homestead and it's packed with good information. I will probably be referring to it a lot.

I plan on doing a lot of composting because my soil is poor and it is so expensive to buy the stuff from the store in such large quantities. The worms are still thriving in their Rubbermaid bin in the laundry room, but I would like to expand my "worm farm" to provide me with a greater amount of castings to further enrich my poor soil. Plus, worms can make composting go so much faster. So I need to figure out a way to have a larger worm bin outdoors, with good drainage, preferably some way of catching the "worm tea" that runs off, and enough insulation to keep the worms from freezing in the winter and cooking in the summer. (I live in Zone 7).

I have some pictures of the new beds and fall plants that I plan on getting up in the next few days.

And I plan on attempting the Master Cleanse again at the end of this month.

Rebounding.

2010-04-13T01:06:00.005-04:00

I found an Urban Rebounder on craigslist for $30! I pick it up on Thursday! I'm really excited, since I've been reading about all the benefits of rebounding:

It increases the capacity for breathing.
It circulates more oxygen the tissues.
It helps combat depression.
It helps normalize your blood pressure.
It helps prevent cardiovascular disease.
It increases the activity of the red bone marrow in the production of red blood cells.
It aids lymphatic circultion, as well as blood flow in the veins of the circulatory system.
It lowers elevated cholesterol and triglyceride levels.
It stimulates the metabolism, thereby reducing the likelihood of obesity.
It tones up the glandular system, especially the thyroid to increase its output.
It improves coordination throughout the body.
It promotes increased muscle fiber tone.
It offers relief from neck and back pains, headaches, and other pain caused by lack of exercise.
It enhances digestion and elimination.
It allows for easier relaxation and sleep.
It results in a better mental performance, with sharper learning processes.
It relieves fatigue and menstrual discomfort for women.
It minimizes the number of colds, allergies, disturbances, and abdominal problems.
It tends to slow down aging.

Eating as an act of love.

2010-04-12T20:47:00.001-04:00

Very inspirational video!

The 10-Step Life Renewal Plan

2010-04-12T20:30:00.001-04:00

1. Does the way you spend your time reflect what's important to you? Make a list of your top five priorities - marriage, children, volunteer
work, and so on - and track how many hours you devote to each in a
week. If any numbers are too low, recalculate your time budget so you
can live according to who you want to be.

2. Does your Blackberry get more attention than your family and friends? Resolve to switch off your gadgets during private moments so you can nourish personal connections with complete focus.

3. Are you nursing a grudge or two? Let bygones be bygones, and free yourself from the emotions that weigh you down.

4. Who should be in your life? Phase out any so-called friends who offer only criticism and negative
energy. Surround yourself with people you admire, who believe in you
and want you to succeed.

5. Have you typecast yourself? You may cherish your responsibilities as a mother, but "Mom" is not the
whole of who you are. Ask yourself if one role is draining all your
energy, leaving other expressions of your authentic self unfulfilled.

6. What battle are you fighting? Is your husband really the one who's letting you down, or are you
blaming him for the pain of a past relationship? Are you doing what's
best for your kid, or are you parenting with a chip on your shoulder
left over from your own childhood? Remember: You are not a prisoner of
your legacy.

7. How can you live greener? Can you swap your gas guzzler for public transportation? Trade plastic bottles for a
thermos? Go meatless once a week? Pinpoint changes you can make now.

8. What are your goals? Define specific goals with measurable outcomes and assign yourself a
timeline. Passion and will-power alone won't cut it - you need a
strategy.

9. Who is standing in your way? The answer may be you. Reject self-loathing and treat yourself with the kindness and respect you would show your best friend.

10. What one thing can you do for yourself every day? It could be as simple as finding 20 minutes to take a bath (my wife,
Robin, swears by that.) Every day is a new opportunity to pay attention
to your own needs and make choices you feel good about. This decade,
claim the right to minister to yourself.

- The Oprah Magazine, written by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, PhD

Is there anything you would add to this list?

11 week health initiative, day one.

2010-04-10T20:50:00.001-04:00

Following along on the 11 week health and weigh loss initiative on Raw Food Rehab. Today is day one!

Green smoothie with papaya, mango, pineapple, banana, and spinach. Yum! I've got to go to a potluck tonight (mainstream, not vegan or anything), and I'm taking a vegan pasta fagioli (not raw, but I don't intend on eating it), and a HUGE raw layered salad (my take on the southern 7-layer, without the eggs and bacon :-) with a non-raw dressing made from vegan mayo, a bit of organic sugar, lemon juice, and nutritional yeast (the traditional dressing calls for mayo and parmesan cheese). For dessert I'm taking my favorite simple thing...pecan-stuffed medjool dates.

Off to a good start, looking forward to tonight's camaraderie and KARAOKE!, and not so focused on the food, which is my goal.

Jamie Oliver's TED speech.

2010-03-28T20:52:00.001-04:00

Have you joined the Food Revolution?

Rule #1: Eat food.

2010-03-09T20:55:00.001-05:00

I just got my copy of Michael Pollan's "Food Rules", and I've been reading the "rules" out loud to my family. If you can believe it, my children are really interested! "What's the next one, mom?"

He sums it all in 7 words. "Eat Food. Not too much. Mostly plants."
Part one of the book is the "What should I eat" part. Rule #1 is "Eat Food". He sums it up by saying that most items in the supermarket don't really qualify as food because they are highly processed. He states that much of the challenge of choosing food today lies in choosing real food and not these "industrial novelties."

Have you read the book? What would your #1 food rule be?

Cravings.

2010-03-05T21:08:00.002-05:00

Be Thankful for Your Cravings

Chocolate, bread, steak, French fries, candy bars, ice cream-it doesn't matter what you crave. The important thing is to understand why you crave these foods.

Learning to listen to our body is essential. Cravings are the body's way of sending us messages to maintain balance. The longer we ignore these messages, the stronger the backlash can be. Yet, most people view cravings as a weakness, something to be controlled through strict rules and discipline.

The lesson here is to look for the foods, deficits and behaviors in your life that are the underlying causes of your cravings.

So whenever your body is craving something, pause for a moment and wonder, "What's really going on here?" When you find yourself impulsively reaching for some food, please take a moment to slow down, breathe and reevaluate the situation and consider what your heart and soul are really asking for.

The 8 Primary Causes of Cravings

Dehydration The body doesn't send the message that you are thirsty until you are on the verge of dehydration. Dehydration occurs as mild hunger, so the first thing to do when you get a strange craving is to drink a full glass of water.
Lifestyle Being dissatisfied with a relationship, having an inappropriate exercise routine (too much, too little or the wrong type), being bored, stressed, uninspired by a job or lacking a spiritual practice can all contribute to emotional eating. Eating can be used as a substitute for entertainment or to fill the void.
Yin/Yang Imbalance Certain foods have more yin qualities (expansive) while other foods have more yang qualities (contractive). Eating foods that are either extremely yin or extremely yang causes cravings in order to re-establish balance. For example, eating a diet too rich in sugar (yin) may cause a craving for meat (yang).
Inside Coming Out Oftentimes, cravings come from foods that we have recently eaten, foods eaten by our ancestors or foods from our childhood. A clever way to satisfy these cravings is to eat a healthier version of one's ancestral or childhood foods.
Seasonal Often the body craves foods that balance out the elements of the season. In the spring, people crave detoxifying foods like leafy greens or citrus foods. In the summer, people crave cooling foods like fruit, raw foods and ice cream, and in the fall people crave grounding foods like squash, onions and nuts. In winter many crave hot and heat-producing foods like meat, oil and fat. Other cravings, such as turkey, eggnog or sweets, can also be associated with the holiday season.
Lack of Nutrients If the body is getting an inadequate amount of nutrients, it will produce odd cravings. For example, inadequate mineral levels produce salt cravings, and overall inadequate nutrition produces cravings for non-nutritional forms of energy like caffeine.
Hormones When women experience menstruation, pregnancy or menopause, fluctuating testosterone and estrogen levels may cause unusual cravings.
De-evolution When things are going extremely well, sometimes a self-sabotage syndrome happens, where we suddenly crave foods that throw us off balance. We then have more cravings to balance ourselves. This often happens from low blood sugar and may result in strong mood swings.

Divine Connection.

2010-03-03T21:11:00.001-05:00

Spirituality, like food, comes in all forms. Some people follow the spiritual path their ancestors grew up with, while others explore new traditions. Almost all forms of spiritual practice come down to one thing: the more we bring our individual lives into alignment with the whole of existence, the more we feel nourished and at peace. Awareness practices can help connect that alignment. They are designed to quiet the busy mind, relax the body and bring a sense of attunement with existence.

Try this Exercise:

Simple Awareness Practice

Sit in a comfortable position. Breathe through your nose; notice how the air is cooler going in and warmer going out. Place one hand over your heart and one hand over your belly. Feel your heart beating and thank it for being there for you, every day. Feel your belly, noticing the rise on the inhale and the fall on the exhale. Thank your belly for digesting all the food you eat. Sit silently with your eyes closed, and allow yourself to be. When you feel ready,take a deep inhale and exhale, open your eyes and slowly move back into your day.

Vegan for a week.

2010-03-02T20:56:00.001-05:00

My new Facebook friend, Rebecca Whitlock, went vegan for a week and wrote a very thought-provoking blog about her experience. Check it out!

http://healthygreenandfrugal.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-vegan-experiment-lessons-learned.html

Healthy relationships.

2010-03-01T21:12:00.001-05:00

Today, Americans lead overly isolated lives, spending large amounts watching television, listening to iPods and surfing the internet. You can eat all the broccoli and brown rice in the world, but if you feel isolated and lonely, you are not going to be living life at full capacity.

During the course of a lifetime, we have relationships with parents, grandparents, children, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, extended family, friends, teachers, coworkers-the list is endless. The quality of these relationships explains a lot about the quality of a person's life and his or her health.

Just as no one diet is right for everyone, no one way of relating works for everyone. So cultivate relationships that are healthy and supportive to you. Start to notice what relationships truly feed you in your life and which relationships drain your energy.

Try this Exercise:

Gratitude List
List 5 people in your life who totally support you. Next to each name write one reason that you are thankful for them. If one person on your list is someone you haven't talked to in awhile, call them up and invite them out for lunch or tea. Start making time for the people who give you energy and give less time to the people who drain your energy.

"Take the first step in faith."

2010-03-01T20:59:00.001-05:00

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have done NO blogging since I finished the Master Cleanse almost two months ago. The bad news is, I am still struggling with getting "enough" raw foods into my diet. The good news is, I have maintained my 10 lb. weight loss, and am now working out at the YMCA 4-5 times a week. I am feeling stronger and more energetic than I have in a while. I'm feeling some muscles developing under this flab. :-)

I am really enjoying my yoga classes, and am doing that twice a week or so. I get some weight training and occasional Pilates in there too. My favorite thing right now, however, is Zumba. Zumba is a latin-dance inspired aerobic workout, which is more like a dance party than any aerobic class I've ever been to. The same women come every week, and the class is the most popular one at the Y. I have ordered some instructional DVD's because once a week is just not enough. Despite still being 50 pounds overweight, I am inspired and seriously thinking about taking a Zumba workshop in May and becoming a certified Zumba instructor. I don't really have room for that in my career path, but I would love to teach the occasional beginner class back in my hometown where there is no Zumba class within a 50 mile radius. Plus, it's just something that I would love to achieve for my own sense of accomplishment.

I have also made some decisions regarding my career. I have been a registered nurse for 15 years, having done labor and delivery for the past 7. A long time ago, I wanted to be a midwife. But the laws in this state regarding the practice of midwifery, along with being very jaded by working in a healthcare system that I believe disempowers people and keeps them sick, has made me question that path. For the past several years, my job has just been a way to pay the bills, and nothing more. I have felt like a cog in the big, bad machine, and it has been sucking me dry. I have come to realize that my own path to health and wellness relies not only nutrition and exercise, but having a sense of purpose, and living my values. I can't just talk the talk anymore, it's time to walk the walk. So, I've decided to start working on my Holistic Nurse board certification, and see what happens from there. There's a non-profit natural health center in my hometown that I'm interested in getting involved with, and I have already thrown a
line into the water there. I have also started this Ning network as a sort of "project" to work on in the meantime. I also have a Facebook page, so if you're on Facebook, look me up there too. I hope y'all will join me, I really need to get some discussion going over there!

I want to empower people to take responsibility for their own wellness in a holistic sense, and stop relying on pills, and become empowered and educated about what they are doing to their bodies every day. This is something that I feel strongly about, and may just be the life's purpose I have been looking for.

So, even though I haven't written, since I did the Master Cleanse and started concentrating more on raw foods, my body and mind have started to transform, and I'm excited about what the future has in store for me.

Food isn't the only thing that feeds you.

2010-02-28T21:13:00.001-05:00

I want to tell you the difference between ordinary food and what I call primary food. Modern nutrition-carbs, proteins, vegetables-is really just one source of nourishment, which I call secondary food. If we are not starving, other dimensions of the human experience become more important to us than what we put in our mouths. Secondary foods don't come close to giving us the joy, meaning and fulfillment primary food provides.

Primary food is more than what is on your plate. Healthy relationships, regular physical activity, a fulfilling career and a spiritual practice can fill your soul and satisfy your hunger for life. When primary food is balanced and satiating, your life feeds you, making what you eat secondary.

Think about. Remember when, as a child, you were playing outside, having fun? Suddenly, your mother announced dinner was ready, but you were not hungry at all. The passion of play took all your attention.

Sometimes we are fed not by food but by the energy in our lives. These moments and feelings demonstrate that everything is food. We take in thousands of experiences of life that can fulfill us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We hunger for play, fun, touch, romance, intimacy, love, achievement, success, art, music, self-expression, leadership, excitement, adventure and spirituality. All of these elements are essential forms of nourishment. The extent to which we are able to incorporate them determines how enjoyable and worthwhile our lives feel.

Try this Exercise:

Rate Your Primary Food
Look at the four main components of primary food: Relationships, Career, Physical Activity, Spirituality

Give each one a rating from 1-10 as you see them in your life right now (10 being satisfied and 1 being dissatisfied).

Start to build more awareness about primary food in your life.

Written by Joshua Rosenthal, Institute for Integrative Nutrition

Food Inc. Official HD Trailer.

2010-02-27T21:17:00.001-05:00

My day so far.

2010-02-24T20:53:00.001-05:00

I drank a quart of water when I got up, then went to a very challenging yoga class at the YMCA. Now I'm going to make myself a nice green smoothie! Today is my day off, so I plan on taking the dog to the beach (which is always good for my soul...she is just the picture of joy when she is running around out there!), and maybe doing some thrift store shopping. Later this afternoon, back to the Y for Zumba! If you have a Zumba class in your area and you haven't tried it, you're missing out on a lot of fun!

Optimum health and stress reduction through yoga.

2010-02-23T21:14:00.002-05:00

On the physical level, yoga and its cleansing properties have proven to be very effective for various disorders. Listed below are just some of the benefits of yoga:

Yoga increases flexibility and has postures that trigger different joints in the body. Including joints that are not normally used with regular exercise routines.
Yoga increases the lubrication of joints, ligaments and tendons, and exercises the different tendons and ligaments of the body. The body starting out rigid, may experience remarkable flexibility after starting yoga.
Yoga is perhaps the only exercise that can work on internal organs, including those that don't get stimulated through external methods.
Yoga acts on the various body parts, stimulating and massaging the organs and benefits us by keeping away disease. It also provides forewarning of the first onset of disease or disorder. One of the benefits of yoga is the increased sense of awareness that it develops in the practitioner of impending health disorders or infection. This enables the person to take proactive corrective action.
Yoga offers detoxification of the body by gently stretching the muscles and joints. This helps by flushing toxins from the body and providing nourishment. The benefits of such are delayed aging and increased energy.
Yoga is also an excellent way to tone and strengthen muscles which are weak and stimulates the burning of excess fats.

Yoga harmonizes the mind with the body and has enabled people to achieve extraordinary physical feats, proving the mind and body connection. Yoga and meditation, both working together to achieve unity of mind, body and spirit. This they say can lead to an experience of eternal bliss that one can only feel through yoga.

The meditative practices of yoga help to achieve an emotional balance which leads to calmness and a positive outlook, which benefits the physical health of the body through stress reduction.

Larry has a website that educates people on Premium Yoga Mats. He has been studying Yoga and Martial Arts for the past 20+ years. You can visit his site at: http://www.premiumyogamats.org.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_L_Clark

Quote of the day.

2010-02-22T21:16:00.000-05:00

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." - Jim Rohn

Master Cleanse thoughts, and cashew cheese recipe.

2010-01-04T15:27:00.004-05:00

So I made it 8 days on the Master Cleanse. The night of the 8th day the lemon concoction gave me severe heartburn. We had guests for the weekend, and they cooked a yummy-smelling dinner here, and I got throught that ok, but I had a rough time with heartburn that night. I got up early Sunday (the 9th day) with every intention of continuing on. I had some out-of-town visiting and driving to do (ended up driving 500 miles), so I did the salt water flush and mixed my lemonade for the whole day to take with me. The first glass went down fine. The second glass was making me nauseated. By three in the afternoon, I was trying to get the third glass down and it was making me wretch! I stopped at Whole Foods to get my friend (the one I was visiting, who is undergoing chemo) some flowers and a fresh fruit tray, and I had some of the fresh fruit. I was 200 miles from home, hungry, and nauseated, and I decided then that I was going to end the Cleanse. Everything went fine and when I got home late last night I ate a light raw dinner. I know the book recommends fresh OJ for the first day, but I didn't exactly have a juicer in the car with me, and the fruit sat just fine in my system.

I feel good about ending the Cleanse a little early, and I plan on doing it or another detox in the near future. Right now, the thought of lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne makes me ill, but maybe I'll get over it. However, I have a new juicer on the way, and may very well do a juice fast when we get home from the unschooler's gathering in Ohio next month. I may do a green smoothie detox too...there are so many other less-extreme ways to take care of my body. I'm glad I did the Master Cleanse, though, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it for 8 1/2 days. It was the first time in my life that I have ever done anything like that. I remember once, about 10 years ago, I tried to do the "cabbage soup" diet to lose some weight. I couldn't make it through ONE day without getting sick of the soup and falling off the diet. Although I had committed myself to doing at least 10 days on the Master Cleanse, my body was screaming "enough already!", and I don't feel guilty at all for ending it early.

So far today I've had a green smoothie, and I'm planning on making a raw chili tonight, from Penni Shelton's blog Raw Food Tulsa. I also just made some raw cashew cheese to use on a raw pizza tomorrow night. I found the recipe online, and have posted it below.

Cashew Cheese

- 190 grams (1 1/2 cups) plain cashew nuts (not roasted or salted)
- 60 to 80 ml (1/4 to 1/3 cup) water
- 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice or good vinegar
- 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
- 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
- freshly ground pepper

Makes about 1 1/2 cups.

Place the nuts in a salad bowl, cover with fresh water, and let stand for 2 hours.

Drain the nuts and place them in the bowl of a food processor or blender. Add 60 ml (1/4 cup) water and the rest of the ingredients, and mix until thoroughly puréed, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl every once in a while. Add a little more water and blend again to adjust the consistency, if necessary; the cheese will get a little more solid as it sets.

Transfer to a bowl, cover, and let stand somewhere cool for 24 hours before placing in the fridge, where it will keep for another 5 days.

Adapted from Real Food Daily.

Day 7 of the Master Cleanse...and belly fat.

2010-01-02T03:03:00.001-05:00

This one is going to be short, because it's after 2 am...but I've finished up day 7. I physically feel fine, but I've been extremely hungry this evening. I'm SICK of the lemonade at this point. I go back and forth between counting the hours until I can eat again, and wondering if I should go longer than 10 days! My tongue is still white-ish, and I don't feel like I have released any belly fat at all. Speaking of which...

I'm thinking that the stubbornness of my belly fat is more than just a physical thing. Sure, it's probably where most of a lifetime of toxins are stored...but it has also been the focus of a good portion of my self-loathing throughout my adult life. When I was 12 (and not overweight, but going through that awkward puberty stage), I can remember my father pointing at my belly, laughing, and telling me that I needed to go on a diet. It embarrassed me so much, and I spent all my teenage years fighting "the belly", even though I was not overweight. I had my first child when I was 20, and ever since I have hated my belly even more. I realized not long ago that whenever I look at myself in the mirror, the first place my eyes rest is on my belly. Not on one of my good features, like my eyes or clear olive skin, but on the part of me that I hate most. I've given it so much attention throughout the last 20 years, it's no wonder that it doesn't want to leave.

I read a comment tonight that made me realize that loving myself includes loving my belly fat too. It has served its purpose, it has protected me from toxins, it has protected me emotionally when I have needed it to (by keeping me embarrassed and socially isolated, but that was MY doing). It's given me a place to hide at times. It's given my children a soft place to lie their little heads. I need to love it before I can let it go.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I'm going to start talking to my belly fat. "I love you. Thank you for protecting me. But I don't need you any more. You are free to go."

Goodbye to 2009...

2009-12-31T22:40:00.004-05:00

I started off the year with good intentions, and with only one resolution…to learn to love myself unconditionally. This year was one of the twist-iest, turn-iest, up-and-down roller coaster years ever. Plans at the beginning of the year (which now seems like it was 5 years ago) didn’t pan out; our close-knit group of friends has drifted apart, and my best friend, the glue, is in the fight of her life for her health (cancer). Serious marital issues, then business issues (which lead to the closing of my little dream coffee shop), then a move that I still sometimes can’t really believe happened…and now, at the end of the year, things are slowing down again, I’m in a new place (at the beach!), new plans are on the horizon, and I once again have hope for the coming year. Through it all, I think I was true to my resolution. I went vegan for the first time this past summer, even though it wasn’t yet permanent. I met my first raw foodies in February and fell in love with green smoothies. Although self-loathing has periodically reared its ugly head, I think I handled the adversity well this year, and now love myself much more than I did before.

I am ending this year at my job (I work 7 pm to 7 am). Tonight most people are celebrating with food, drink, and being around friends, but I will sip my lemonade and hunker down for the work that needs to be done. It is probably fitting that I will start 2010 at work…because there is a lot of work to be done in the coming year. It is good and rewarding work, but work nonetheless. 2010 will be a year of transformation.

That being said, I was glad to be coming to work tonight, thinking that it would be a good place to not think about all the food and partying I’m missing tonight. However, my coworker just informed me that she brought sparkling grape juice and hot crab dip for us to enjoy at midnight. (Us being her and I, since we are the only two on the unit). I have to admit, I immediately thought about ditching this whole Master Cleanse thing for some crab dip. I have kept quiet about the Cleanse, not telling anyone but my husband and those selected online communities where I am blogging about it. I am on day 6…so close! But this hot, gooey crab dip that my coworker brought FOR ME to enjoy is going to be the biggest, nastiest temptation yet.

Speaking of the Master Cleanse…yesterday, day 5, was the easiest day I have had so far. No stomach discomfort, no intense cravings (just brief passing ones), and feeling good and energetic. I even came to work last night with a good attitude about my job that I haven’t had in a while.

I’m glad to see 2009 go, though. 2010 holds so much promise and potential. My husband has started drinking green smoothies! We are working on two websites. We are finding each other again. My finances are finally straightening out after the café debacle. We live at the beach! And I am finally on the right track to whip my health into shape. I’m excited, and happy. Happy New Year!

Wasn't prepared for the intense cravings...

2009-12-29T23:45:00.003-05:00

I just had a temper tantrum of sorts, which is very unlike me. My poor husband has been trying to not eat around me for two days, and he thought he would make himself some scrambled eggs w/ onion, spinach, and tomato while I was locked in my room with the laptop. Smelling it really set me off! Basically, I want to eat, even though I know it will not be good for me to do so, just like years ago when I was trying to quit smoking. Only, I think these intense cravings are HARDER than the smoking ones (not really sure, it’s been so long I don’t really remember). I'm going back and forth between abdominal discomfort and nausea, to wanting to eat everything I've been allowing myself to eat all these years. It's just like drug detox!

I’m having such conflicting feelings right now. I don’t know if I can do this, BUT if I don’t do this, if I fail, then I SUCK. I told my husband that. He asked me, “Would you really think you suck?” And I said YES! If I can’t complete this, after all my resolve to do it, with all the reasons why I SHOULD, then I am a total loser. I need to do this so I can believe in myself. That there is a hell of a revelation. Clearly, I have a lot of work still to do on loving myself.

Day three and four of the Master Cleanse.

2009-12-29T20:46:00.001-05:00

I didn’t write yesterday because I just didn’t feel like it. I was grumpy yesterday (day 3), slept late and woke up kind of pissed off (at whom?) that I couldn’t eat. It was a day off and I was home alone most of the day, so I took it easy. I did some work online, did a little yoga, and that was pretty much it. I skipped the salt water flush yesterday because the day before I feel like I retained it and I was worried about the sodium. Oh, yeah, and I had diarrhea like 20 times yesterday, even without the flush. I read something online last night that said the salt water flush was an outdated idea, and might cause water retention if not mixed exactly right because it would be digested instead of expelled, so today I skipped it again. I did drink the Kleri-tea morning and night though. Today I slept late again, but not as late as yesterday, and woke up feeling pretty good besides having a crappy tasted in my mouth. I drank a large glass of water, no lemonade, and my husband and I went out shopping at the thrift stores for a few hours. We tried to take the dog to the beach, but the wind chill must have been 25 degrees, and the cold wind chased us off the beach within 5 minutes. All this time, I felt great, just a slight bit of soreness in my hamstrings from the yoga the day before. On the way home, I started getting hungry and every time we passed a restaurant I was naming all the food that would taste SO good. Major cravings kicking in again, this time for warm comfort food…pasta, potatoes, meat, veggies, salt. I got home and made my lemonade and downed a quart of it fairly quickly. About 30 minutes later the pain began. All evening, I’ve been having intense intestinal cramping and….I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty nasty stuff, but in short, I think I will do the salt water flush again tomorrow. My intestines seem to be trying to get rid of something, and they are having to work extra hard to do it. Needless to say, I’m not hungry anymore, I’m pretty nauseated, actually. I had a moment today of asking, “Why am I doing this to myself?”, which I knew would come. I have to remember I’m doing it FOR myself, not TO myself, and because I need to prove something to myself, AND because I’ve been struggling with my health choices on and off for years. Yes, it’s extreme, but the Master Cleanse is the kick start that I need. I’ve been too long with my actions not matching up with my values. It’s time to start walking my talk, and actually taking responsibility for my health instead of just talking about it.

Your health is like anything else, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. I’ve known and preached this for years, while not exactly living it. It would be so easy to stick my head back in the sand, order that pizza, and when I start having health problems, pop a pill to make it better. That is what the majority of Americans do, and that is why we have the health care crisis in this country that we have right now. I’m not that person on the inside, but my actions have not always reflected my beliefs. It’s time for that to change.

You know what? When this is over, I'm SO going to enjoy some raw chili, raw "pasta", and raw avocado soup.