Cosmopolitan Correspondent

SPY COCKTAILS!

2012-03-17T09:02:00.002-07:00

SPYTails!

Our spy-themed cocktail night started out on the perfect foot when this strange, unidentified woman appeared at our door.

Soon the known agents gathered - including the youngest (double agent T. Bearskins) seen here slyly leaking information to David while appearing NOT to move his lips. Cunning.

Now Agent S.Goose is being incriminated. He appears to be the feared 'Puppetman' if this picture's any proof. Double-agent T. Bearskins is either the intended puppet or an unwitting participant in a ventriloquist act.

First drink of the evening- a creation of Agent Specs. 'Moonraker' has a planetary feel (partly do to the color and the satellite-shaped ice cubes). He wanted to do a James Bondish gin and tonic - which is just what this is. A great tip in making opaque ice cubes (when you're using a fancy tray) is to use flat tonic instead of regular water. The contrast when this hit the drink is spectacular-- and when they melt they don't water down the drink.

Moonraker:
- splash of black vodka
- splash blue curacao
- double splash of gin
- pour tonic to taste
- add spacey ice cubes

When we returned from orbit it was time for my drink...

The drink in question being prepped. But until the agents solved the cipher-- there was no dispensing of booze.

Agent Ginger with her assignment

Agent Fro -- prematurely cocky.

Agent Specs

Agent S.Goose looking very suspicious indeed.

Agent Ham and Cheese accepting her assignment....

AGENT 000000007,

TOP SECRET. CONSEQUENCES COULD BE FATAL. THE FAT MAN MAY SING. THE EAGLE MAY CRAP THE NEST. TRUST NO ONE. THE PARTRIDGE HAS LEFT THE PERCH. THE TURKEY IS WEARING GAUCHOS. THE INDIAN IS DRUNK (BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW).

DESTROY AFTER READING.

The message was followed by a cipher. It was a substitution cipher--meaning they needed to KNOW the code word to re-order the alphabet and crack the code. It was in their hands-- but very hard to find.

Agent Ginger went straight for it-- noticing immediately that there was a totally useless postage stamp on the corner of their assignment envelope-- she peeled it off and found the code word underneath (dumbwaiter). Luckily, no one else saw this stroke of genius-- many toiling on for agonizing hours (kidding-- minutes).

Here's Agent S.Goose deep into his vortex.

Once cracked the message read: Order a Honey Trap--- brilliant!

Here come the Honey Traps to a roomful of thirsty agents.

The Honey Trap:
- teaspoon honey
- 2 mandarin parts (and a little syrup)
- 3/4 ounce Benedictine
- sprig of thyme
- stir
- ice cubes
- top with orange juice

Agent Ginger relaxing (or is she???) with T. Bearskins.

Agent S.Goose entering the arena with his mind-erasing concoction-- the Bereshit-- inspired by the first word of the Torah (meaning 'In the Beginning'). Deciphering the Kabbalah will give greater meaning to the Torah. This potent delight has the strange ability to both enlightening and knock you out. Deliciously deep.

Bereshit:
- 1 prune
- 2 dashes of Pechaud bitters
- 1/2 ounce of Hemel op Aarde
- 3/4 ounce Grasovka
- add club soda to taste

The delicious forbidden prune

And here comes the formidable Agent Ginger with her tray of mind-bending shots. The drinks came with a small wire hanger containing a mysterious scroll of text. Once unwound, the 6 text clippings each had certain letters circled in pencil. Baffling. We soon found that the letters were a red herring. Then where to start? We were given the clue that the presentation was a HUGE hint. Hmmm....

Lovely drinks on a tray encircling a flame!

So where is the clue?

Here are some of the agents frantically trying to make sense of their fragment of script. No dice.

Sadly, my scroll immediately fell into my drink. I suppose I was masquerading as Agent Butterfingers.
Arjen heated it over the flame....

But nothing. The clues on my scroll were lost-- washed away!

But wait a minute-- after MUCH thinking, many dead-ends, and more clues... WAS there something written on the scrolls. That could only be brought out over the flame????

Ho ho! Here comes the message... the name of Agent Ginger's drink....
The Ginger Honey Trap!
Apparently great minds REALLY DO think alike-- both Agent Ginger and Agent Butterfingers coming up with an almost identical name! Holy moonballs!

Spelled out in lemon juice--- The Ginger Honey Trap

The Ginger Honey Trap:
-500 ml orange juice
-1 table spoon of pureed ginger
-Juice of 1 lime
-1 table spoon of honey
-2 ounces of gin

And here comes Agent Plaid with the last drink of the evening!

The Casino Royale-- with a lovely, lemony Italian twist! And here is Agent Brown Paper Bag enjoying it with him.

The Casino Royale:
- 1 ounce Limencello
- 2 ounces cranberry/blueberry juice
- shake over ice
- top up with sparkling lemonade

My, how things have changed in the top-secret spy den in the last year.

AND... and impromptu cipher Agent Plaid sprang on us-- way too complicated for Agent Butterfinger's feeble (pickled) brain.

Next Week:
Amazing Voyages and Intrepid Explorers!

MAGIC COCKTAILS

2012-03-04T02:11:00.003-08:00

Cocktail Night this Friday had a MAGIC theme! There were drinks, tricks, bluffs, challenges... and a lot of (real) magic!

Look here-- Arjen pulling a white rabbit from a hat!

Never did I think I'd have occasion to wear a turban, a gym top, and a pair of purple underpants (together) in public-- but here it was!

The evening started off with my drink, called 'The Year of the Rat'. My Chinese zodiac symbol is the rat, hence the name.

The drink came garnished with a Chinese fortune cookie.

Ah, but was it an ordinary fortune cookie?

The Year of the Rat:
- a cup of strong jasmine tea
- 1/2 ounce ginger liqueur
- 1/2 ounce white rum

I went to each person's cocktail and made a pass over each cup-- magically transforming the message inside the fortune cookie from a generic one about friendship or money to a truly personalized message-- without ever touching the cup!

David: You will run many marathons.
Astrid: You will spend many moons in Sweden.
Arjen: You have a stunning wife.
Judith: Fluffy will come to life and mate with Jinx.
Reinout: You will build a great online shop for your music.
Deana: You are a genius and have the sex appeal of a tiger woman.

Well-- if the fates say so!

In between cocktails we discussed Houdini's most famous tricks and tried to guess how they were done (the answers are in this book I'm holding)
That employment of the little grey cells took us up to the next drink... David's 'Black Magic'.

Black Magic:
5 parts vodka
2/3 parts Tia Maria
- in a tall glass
- fill up with cola
- add ice

Delicious! And it has the power to transform you into a slobbering drunk person in less time than it takes to wave a wand or blow your nose into a rainbow handkerchief.

Cats! Cats! Everywhere!

Astrid was next with her cocktail. Called, 'The Prestige' it was inspired by the film of that name.
If you've seen the film, you'll remember the significance of the many many many cats. Astrid brought us a bowl of HUNDREDS of cats to snack on.

And here it is... the Prestige.
The performer is standing on top of a water tank...

And here is David pulling the trap our from under him...

And splash! Oh holy hell! He's in the tank and there's ANOTHER guy in there with him!?!?!?

Here is Judith chomping on a surprise cupcake. The real surprise was that I cook bake something that was edible.

Astrid with The Prestige

The Prestige:
- 1 part blue curacao
- 1 part vodka
- 4 parts lemonade
- and a splash of duppelganger!

And here comes Judith, carrying her concoction!

and... presto!

The Disappearing Dessert!
In a small bowl or glass put:
- 1 layer of custardpudding, allow to cool and set, then add
- 1 layer of strawberryjello, also allow to cool and set. Just before serving you add:
- 1 layer of advocaat
- Top with whipped cream.

And soon it will not only magically disappear.. the next time you see it, it will have changed color!

More mysterious still.. the moment Judith left the room Madame Infinity appeared!

Hold on (distraction) while Teddy levitates....

Here is Madame Infinity making an ordinary pen float in mid-air. You can look closely-- Madame Infinity has nothing to hide!

And here is the audience, agog with excitement. They are in such a wonderment of confusion, their facial expressions cannot possibly convey the emotion.

Madame Infinity doing one of the card tricks in her repertoire...

And here is David picking a card while M. Infinity's back is turned. (no mirror involved)

And M. Infinity is back... and she identifies the very card that David chose! HOW DID SHE DO IT???

The Great Tedini getting dressed for his act (and having his diaper changed) in his Dressing Room.

And The Great Tedini appears! The room breaks into wild, frenzied applause.

Now, if this is not the face of an artiste who is about to perform a mentalist feat-- then I don't know what is.

The Great Tedini and his assistant

BUT WAIT! The Great Tedini erupts.... first the COCKTAIL!

The Great Tedini prepared a drink called 'The Eye of Isis', in honor of his substantial powers.

The Eye of Isis:
- 1 ounce vodka
- Gazozu (Turkish soda flavored of bubble-gum)
- an ice cube with a magical all-seeing eye

Inside the ice cube is the EYE. Or rather an ice cube containing a date with a jelly bean for a pupil stuffed into it.

WHOA.. The Great Tedini approves! All is well.

He is ready to perform.
I will hold up a hermetically-sealed envelope to the head of The Great Tedini. He will (magically) glean the contents of the sealed envelope. An answer. He will then whisper the question into my ear:
Q: What prison got its name from the Spanish work for pelican?
Q: What was Wilhelm Rontgen's most important discovery?
Q: What was the 1st toy advertised on American TV in 1952?
Q: On what holiday do people much on chocolate coffins and sugar skulls?
Q: What was the 1st planet discovered by telescope in 1781?
Q: What branch of the U.S. military only had 50 soldiers when WWI broke out?

Do you know?
The Great Tedini does...
A: Alcatraz
A: X-rays
A: Mr. Potato Head
A: The Day of the Dead
A: Uranus
A: The Air Force

And were they right????
Mostly right.

Q: Who was the author of The Lost World?
Q: What game was created by French mathematician Blaise Pascal while experimenting with perpetual motion?
Q: What's the more commonly used name for Holy Roman Emperor Charles the Great?
Q: Where was the 2nd atom bomb dropped?

Do you know? The Great Tedini did.

A: Arthur Conan Doyle
A: roulette
A: Charlemagne
A: Nagasaki

It turned into a family act. Here is The Great Tedini demonstrating that he didn't need his turban to do magic (which he communicated by screaming it OFF his head).

Sandwich having a lick of The Disappearing Dessert

And last but not at all least...what is this? Two rabbit ears emerging from the hat? Great Heavens!

Oh, no! It's Arjen's drink 'The White Rabbit'.
It was warm and white AND fuzzy. Also delicious, and it certainly has the ability to hop around in your stomach if you drink enough f it. It may also make your mouth fuzzy in the morning.

The White Rabbit:
- 1/2 ounce Bols yogurt
- 1/2 ounce vanilla vodka
- shake over ice in a shot glass
- spray Bols white chocolate foam on top

Cheers m'dears! Happy Magic-making!

In the Land of Fairy Tales

2012-02-25T01:35:00.000-08:00

Life is a dream when the week ends at cocktail night. This week is was more dreamy than usual-- our theme being Fairy Tales! We didn't get very Grimm but nonetheless it was a lovely, tasty evening.

The Hansel and Gretal Martini

I had the first drink of the evening, inspired by the story of Hansel and Gretal.If you remember, it's the touching story of a cannibalistic hag who lives deep in the forest in a house made of candies. After their trail of breadcrumbs (worst idea ever) is devoured by birds, the little brother-sister pair are at the mercy of the half-blind hag. She stuffs them into an iron cage and tried to fatten them up before she slaughters them for dinner. I focused more on the candy.

The Hansel and Gretal Martini

- 1 ounce vanilla vodka

- 1 ounce Frangelico

- 1/2 ounce butterscotch schnapps

- shake over ice

- add 4 ounces of ginger ale

- garnish with a stick of gum drops (to tempt little children)

There's one now! Quick! The iron cage!

The next drink was Arjen's cleverly modeled after the story of a very wily family of billy goats. Apparently a terrible troll was guarding a certain bridge. This troll was really looking for trouble, and dinner (I detect a theme). When a little billy goat came to cross the bridge the troll stopped him and threatened to attack him and feast on him. The little goat was very cunning and told the troll to wait until his older brother came-- the older brother was bigger and would have more meat on his bones. So the troll agreed, letting the little goat pass. Sure enough, the older brother came along and the troll made the same ugly threat. But, like the youngest goat, the brother was clever and told the troll to let him pass-- the oldest brother would be along soon and he was far bigger and therefore juicer. So the idiot troll lets the middle brother pass over the bridge and, sure as sh*t, the oldest brother comes along. He is bigger and meatier. But he's also stronger and apparently a hellishly difficult goat to beat in a battle. The oldest goat was able to defeat the troll and the whole family was saved.

The Billy Goat's Gruff

The Billy Goat's Gruff
- 1/2 ounce sweet vermouth
- 3/4 ounce jonge jenever
- 1 ounce oude jenever
- garnish with a cherry
(the strength of the drink increases in increments, like the ascending strength of each new goat) (clever!-- and this drink will give you a POWERFUL kick!)


It wouldn't be fairy tale night if we couldn't snack on magic bea	ns?

BE MY VALENTINE (and make me a drink quick)

2012-02-16T11:49:00.002-08:00

VALENTINE THEMED COCKTAILS

My Funny Valentine

Although it was a small group this past week, the evening was made of delicious drink to love forever and ever!

Astrid made the first cocktail of the evening--here she is in the picture muddling away!

This cocktail has the cryptic name, the '2011'
Even past its expiration it was fabulously good!
2011
- 1 1/5 oz rum
- 1 tsp sugar
- 12-16 berries
- 10 basil leaves
- 4 mint leaves
- 1/2 lime
- top up with soda
(serves 4)


so early in the evening, and this little cub is konked out!

Arjen's drink was next. It was warming and beautiful-- can be done as a shot, but I thought that was too quick. He named the drink 'The Butterfly' (de Vlinder)-- because of the butterflies you get in your stomach when your in love. A sweet sentiment.

The Butterfly

1/2 Baileys

1/2 once Butterscotch Scnapps floating on top

And now for the Cupid's Bow... this was my drink of the night. It was inspired by Teddy's perfectly bow-like lips (and his perfect cupidy physique). A nice, creamy dessert drink perfect for any day.

The Cupid's Bow:
1 teaspoon Rose Liqueur
1/ 2 oz grenadine
1 oz Yogurt Bols
1 oz cream
shake over ice
garnish with a bow of cherries
(serves 1)

so many valentines to choose from!

And then on the REAL Valentine's Day I made a special dessert drink to my grown-up valentine.

The I'm Yours Martini:
- 1 ounce Baileys
- 1 ounce vodka
- 1 ounce white curacao
- 1 ounce yogurt Bols
(serves 2)

Happy belated Valentine's Day everyone!

This coming Friday: Fairy Tale Cocktails!
Glass slippers... pumpkin coaches...frighteningly long hair...poisoned apples... thorn bushes... young women locked up for dead... can be Grimm or traditional!

Fine Art Cocktails

2012-02-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

At last, cocktailers! I have been meaning to post our last cocktail blog since December, but adorable distractions keep coming up:

So back in December, before I delivered the most special person who was ever born, we had our last REAL cocktail night-- complete with excellent theme. In honor of my sister Jessica being with us we came up with a fine art theme. Everyone chose a painting that could translate into a delicious cocktail. The result were some BEAUTIFUL and DELICIOUS drinks!

Astrid made some amazing Munch's Scream cookies to get us in the mood!

the original

an exact replica!

The first cocktail of the evening was Arjen's inspiration, based on The Son of Man painted by Magritte. The apple probably catches your eye-- and gives you a clue as to the nature of the drink.

(secret ingredient: Groene Pommeranz)

The Son of Man
- 2 dashes of green apple bitter (as seen above)
- 1 ounce apfelkorn
- 1 1/2 ounce vodka
- shake over ice
- add a splash of apple juice

And cheers, m'dears!

Proost to Wolfie and Astrid!

note: pregnant lady not imbibing!

Next drink of the evening involves a spot of impromptu crafting...

For anything with a French theme: must shape cocktail umbrellas into Moulin Rouge style windmills (obviously)

the inspiration: At the Moulin Rouge by Toulouse-Lautrec

This drink was a yogurty shot of heaven that we hoped would come out layered, but came out more marbled...also artistic!

Kick you in the Can-Can:
- 1 teaspoon absinthe
- 1tablespoon yogurt Bols
- 1 teaspoon rose liqueur

This drink is SO pretty and SO fragrant! And SO dangerous!

the 'Kick you in the Can-Can'

Someone had to do it, so I took Andy Warhol's Campbell's Soup Can. It could only BE a Bloody Mary (and thank you, Arjen, for finding a can of Campbell's Tomato Soup in the Netherlands!

It could ONLY be a Bloody Mary (with a twist)!

The Bleeding Mary
- dash of tabasco
- dash of Worcester sauce
- pinch of celery salt
- 1/2 teaspoon of horseradish
- 1 1/2 ounces vodka
- add ice cubes
- top up class with mixture of tomato juice and Campbell's Tomato Soup
- garnish with a celery stalk filled with cream cheese
(got to get the white in there to represent Warhol himself)

The Bleeding Mary works as a virgin cocktail quite well

Lunchbox enjoying a last night with momma's big, warm belly

This inspiration for Remco's drink was a classic: Seurat's Un Dimanche Apres-Midi a Ille de la Grand Jatte. Perfect for a Sunday afternoon-- or a Friday night!

The man with his art...

Sunday Afternoon:
- 2 splashes of raspberry rum
- 2-3 ratio of vodka and proseco
- shake over ice
- add a splash of absinthe
-add a splash of rose liquer
- garnish with rosemary leaves and mint

a masterpiece!

Next up... Wolf's artful concoction, inspired by the colors and mood of Monet's Water Lilies

Here she comes, sporting the souvenirs of two previous drinks..

The Water Lily:
- 2 ounces gin
- 1/2 ounce of black vodka
- add eucalyptus for scent (and to make a lily pad!)

Beautiful, delicious, and POTENT!

Isn't art wonderful?

absolutely no way of making this one non-alcoholic

The muse of the evening with her Water Lily

And last but never least, Astrid brought us the last drink inspired by Mucha's Hyacinth

Et voila!

The Hyacinth! (and it's so sexy it actually has a sex)

The Hyacinth (female):
- 1/2 blue curacao
- 1/2 vodka
- add mint

The Hyacinth (male)
- shot glass

- 1/2 whiskey

- 1/2 lemon juice

So thanks for a lovely and BEAUTIFUL evening everyone! Now that momma's back on the bottle (I don't mean baby, I mean momma), it's getting to be time to reinstate our themes. If you have an idea for a great theme we didn't do in 2011-- now is the time! The blog is back!

Saturday Morning Cartoon Cocktails!

2011-11-19T12:52:00.000-08:00

This week's cocktail night was EXTRA fun (in my mind) because it involved not just nostalgic old cartoons, but wearing pajamas!

Here, Astrid is arriving with her old toy, a HUGE stuffed seal named Golfje. So nice to be surrounded by familiar things... cartoon themes, jammies, toys.

And here is an OLD picture of Astrid holding Golfje in her right hand! CUTE!!!

Judith and I with Scooby in the background. Judith made the first drink of the evening... inspired by the cartoon Candy Candy. Despite the title and the appearance, the drink wasn't QUITE as sweet as it appeared.

Candy Candy was garnished with... you guessed it... CANDY! Note the fried egg and the marshmallow boa.

Candy Candy:
- hard cider
- 7-up
- gin

Candy Candy (when still a virgin):
- apple juice
- 7-up

Either way, you've got to garnish it with candy!

Drinking the Candy Candy's while setting up for the next drink.

Maybe it was a little sweet for Remco-- but he doesn't like sweet drinks to begin with!

Lauren munching on the newly-arrived pumpkin seeds straight from Connecticut to Talmastraat.

Arjen with the box of Scooby Snacks. No, there is no such thing, but I printed it off the internet and we stuffed a bunch of homemade cookies inside it.

A great picture of Arjen as a kid! xoxox

Arjen even made up a game that I thought was really clever and very fun! This was really my drink although he thought of the recipe and the game. It was based on the Scooby episode about the Bad Humor ice cream factory and the three phantoms haunting it... the dreaded vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate ghost. As with the show itself, the idea was to get to the shots of strawberry (DeKuyper Wild Strawberry liqueur), vanilla (Cuarenta Y Tres), or chocolate (DeKuyper creme de cacoa). If you were able to get these flavors (clues), you could later use them as shots to pour over your chocolate, strawberry, vanilla ice cream.

The terror of the thing was that if you got caught by one of the three phantoms, you would be locked in either the freezer (like Shaggy and Scoob in the episode) and possibly freeze to death, or the milk room (where due to Shaggy's poor plumbing skills he nearly drowned himself and Scoob).

Incidentally the Scooby snacks looked like rocks (modeled after the show again) but tasted great.
Scooby Snacks:
- 3 cups cereal (your choice)
- 1/2 cup flour
- 1/3 cup honey
- 1 egg
- 100 grams melted (then cooled) butter
- mix it
- let stand for 15 minutes
- shape into small balls
- bake 180c. for ten minutes (per batch)

Candy Candy, Scooby Snacks... what next?

A tad young for some of these Saturday morning cartoons, but I had to put an old picture of Judith in too! (no, it's NOT Bram!)

At the height of the game we were all forming a bottle-neck (no pun intended) at the threshold of the booze. Very fun!

I won a little drip of the vanilla, which taster great over the ice cream. As a side note, I had no idea my boobs looked so big.

I love this picture of little Deana! The early signs of OCD are very telling-- note the one red, one white hair barrette to match the dress!

Lauren was next with her Gummy Beary Juice. Apparently the Gummy Bears tippled with this illusive 'gummy berry juice' and were consequently capable of bouncing to tremendous heights. Obviously, this is the drink the world's been waiting for. And it was delicious!

Gummy Beary Juice:
- port
-shaken with forest fruit jelly (clever!)
- mixed with a splash of cassis soda
- add a sparkling rose floater on top

This drink was refreshing, sparkly and berry tasting-- again, not as sweet as you might think.

It wouldn't be cocktail night is Lunchbox Lissenberg were not in attendance, making everyone sick with adoration.

Great to have Reinout with us!

Astrid arrives with her grey drinks. Who knew that grey was SO DELICIOUS?!?!
Her drink was a shot named the I'll Get You Next Time, Gadget. This is probably one of the only cartoons that even partly holds up to viewing years later. Which is not to say it's high art, but Inspector gadget wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others we revisited. And the drink was GREAT!

A lot of taste for a little drink.

I'll Get You Next Time, Gadget!
- Bols Yogurt
- Drop liqueur

simple and perfect!

What a fun night! Nostalgic being the key word. What a strange thing to brainstorm the old shows (of course I'm a little older and the Banana Splits and Josie and the Pussycats didn't come into play). But we watched clips of many, many old favorites that are now just laughably bad. Still, it's nice to laugh on a Friday night. I felt like a kid again, with a huge pregnant belly and sipping booze. This was certainly one of my all-time favorites!

Next week's theme: Thanksgiving
How can we NOT? It's the day after Thanksgiving. Think pilgrims (from Leiden), Indians, corn, cranberries, squash, the Mayflower, the New World, and in general harvest themes. We'll make it work!

We certainly missed Maarten this week! But he was good enough to send along this old picture--- what a spruce goose in the spiffy white robe-- ready for Saturday morning cartoons! ADORABLE!

Sint Maaten's Cocktail Nacht!

2011-11-13T05:09:00.000-08:00

This week cocktail night fell on an important day. It wasn't just 11-11-11... it was also Sint Maarten's in the Netherlands. Although it is not a general celebration and is not celebrated in all parts of the Netherlands, it is celebrated in Amsterdam, and it is one of the many Dutch customs that we like to make kind of a big deal of. (the fact that it's anti-climactic is just a side detail).

The evening before Arjen carved a lantern out of this knolselderij (it's a gourd). It has wonderfully gruesome-looking roots atop it and makes a great traditional lantern. He carved the moon and stars on one side and our initials on the other. very festive! Lanterns are a big part of the celebration-- usually with strings attached. In the east of the Netherlands it was the custom that the father made the lantern-- hollowed it out and carved out a scene and initials. He would them string in on a stick for a child. The child with the most beautiful lantern would walk in front of the St. Maarten's procession of children--- going from house to house singing and begging for treats. As a side note, it was also customary to leave the lantern gourd under the family clock until it was shrunken. We hoped with our lantern in the window to attract children, but sadly, we did not.

Arjen with our lantern--- in my mind a huge success whether the children come or not.

I sang the traditional (irritating and nonsensical) St. Maarten's song-- something about cow's tails and girls in skirts (a song that everyone tried to convince me was metaphorical and dirty) and in doing so, earned my St. Maarten's gift... a great new card game with a Lovecraft theme! Lunchy is helping me open it just in case it's laced with catnip.

Astrid baked an amazingly tasty cake -- gevulde speculaas--- with almonds on top and a filling that reminded me of marzipan. REALLY delicious and even better knowing it was home-made.

Only one slice left (with my name on it)

Astrid also brought this Sonnema Berenburg-- a bitter that she immediately put in the freezer. It must be served very, very cold. It is a Friesien that you drink it straight. Essentially it's a genever (Dutch gin) with lots of herbs added. While it's not sweet to the taste, it does taste of herbs and it really, very good. Very festive. It is customarily drunk after ice-skating--- something to help the outdoor enthusiast to warm up quickly. Or have a terrible accident if they return to the ice.

Lunchbox, as always at the party. Incidentally, only Judith and Astrid were with us for Dutch night.

And someone else who doesn't always make an appearance was clearly moved by the Dutch sentiment... Sandwich Lissenberg!

Arjen made a lovely martini called the Sint Maarten. He wanted to combine mandarins (traditionally handed out on Sint Maarten's night to the children) and wine (fortified, meaning port) because according to the legend, Sint Maarten could change 'most' (a fruit juice that's already fermenting) into wine. In other words - he could turn fruit juice into wine-- and therefor he is always welcome in this house.
Incidentally, I learned in my Dutch class Friday that St. Maarten is not only the patron saint of sailors, but also unmarried women. In the 'olden days' people would throw coins to unmarried women-- coins they could use as a dowry and therefore marry. The throwing of coins in old illustrations looked something like mandarins-- small, round and yellowy in color. So mandarins began to be given out as well.

The Sint Maarten:
- 2 dashes orange bitter in a shaker
- 1ounce brandy
- 2 ounces ruby port
- 2 ounces mandarin juice
- shake and pour

Make sure you don't drink so much that you end up looking like this.

You can garnish with a mandarin slice, so you can keep dipping the fruit into the drink.

Lunchbox posing with the St. Maarten's lantern-- still hopeful that children will ring our bell. All that candy and mandarins stuff will have to be eaten by us now!

Astrid made a drink called the Dutch Sunrise. We liked it a lot more than she did -- in fact Arjen and I LOVED it!

To make the Dutch Sunrise:
- fill a whiskey glass with ice cubes
- add a shot of very pink liquor (alcohol) or lemon syrup (virgin). We used a very flowery liquor called venusolie. Something that apparantly was used 300 years ago to cure people of illness. One could also use passoa for a tropical sweet taste
The fresh juice of half an orange.

Squeeze the orange on top of the ice cubes so it slowly pours down on top of the pink layer
Fill the glass with white beer of the fresh type. Since you can get white beer in a non-alcoholic version too, its very easy to make this cocktail virgin. Remember to poor the beer slowly, and on top of an ice cube to prevent it from getting very foamy.

Makes you a sunrise cocktail that looks perfectly like a pink Dutch sky in the morning.

Astrid brought over a brochure from A.V. Wees-- a distillery here in Amsterdam with a tremendous selection of genevers, and Dutch liqueurs and bitters. It is certainly on our list of places to go as SOON as Teddy is born and I can REALLY hit it again!
www.de-ooievaar.nl

The babycats enjoy these quieter nights best of all-- they are Dutch cats after all. This must have been a special night for them too.

Next week's theme: Saturday morning cartoons (from growing up). Everyone is welcome/ encouraged to come in their pajamas. I'm planning to make some snacks that I would have eaten on Saturday mornings, growing up.

Disaster Movies Cocktail Night...

2011-11-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

Disaster movie night! Incredible how many movies there were to choose from! And these cocktails were far from disastrous--- it was a night of success and triumph in the bartending department...

The first drink of the evening was 'The Titanic', based of course on the famous sea tragedy and the film.

Leonardo was not the king of the world in this case... Judith was. Because her drink was incredibly tasty and totally in keeping with the theme...

Here you can see the cold blue ocean and that pesky iceberg rearing out of the water.

Titanic I (nonalcoholic):
-rum raisin ice cream (must be frozen into a cone shape prior to serving-- can make a cone with cardboard and baking paper)
- drop 'iceberg' into glass
- fill with blue gatorade

Titanic II:
- rum raisin ice cream
- rum (about 300ml.)
- 2 shots black vodka
- with with blue gatorade
(the alcoholic version comes out with murkier, nighttime water)

Rice Crispee squares... made here with barley puffs in place of rice crispees. These were meant to be shaped into balls and represent meteors from outer space. However, being the first time I've made these, I had no idea how sticky and impossible they are to mold. So, squares it was.

My drink was next... it presented some other problems...

The drink was based on the movie Outbreak and was meant to suggest an epidemic.

Getting the pox to stay afloat atop the beverage was harder than we'd expected. Using a syringe, I had to quickly drop as many alarming blemishes as I could before they all sank.

In the end-- it worked just long enough to take the picture.

Outbreak (alcoholic):
makes 5 drinks
- one tin if 1/2 peaches
- 250 ml. cream
- 5 ounces Cuarenta Y Tres
- add drops of grenadine with a syringe or eye dropper

Outbreak (nonalcoholic):
same recipe but in place of booze add dash of vanilla extract-- still delicious!

I forgot how disturbing this movie was until we watched the trailer!

Towering Inferno was next!

Remco brought in some red hot shots! The color of fire! The cinnamon taste was sharp and fiery as well. Something really nice for post-pregnancy!

Towering Inferno:
-3 parts vodka
- 1 part Hot Shots (or cinnamon schnapps)

Tastes like the candy red hots!

Arjen's drink was a doomsday affair based on the film The Day After Tomorrow. He represented the sharp, deep freeze after an atmospheric disaster with a lot of ice!

The Day After Tomorrow:
- 1 ounce lemon juice
- 1 1/2 ounces lime rum
- 1/2 ounce orange curacao
- add crushed lice (lots of it)
- blitz into a slushy with a processor

THE HULK! A genetically-altered human disaster. This was Astrid's brainstorm--- deliciously green and terrifying. The alcoholic version was far more threatening, but the non alcoholic was also fabulous!

Virgin jello shots had 1 part hot water, and 1 part cold water plus lemon jelly (stuff I got to flavour muffins after baking) think lemon curd, or lemon sirup could do as well

The Hulk:
Jello shots with alcohol: amount of water according to package instructions. 1 part hot water, 1 part gorzka. A little layer with colorant for the pants (and 2 eyes from bits of liquorice)

Try the alcoholic version and you too will be busting out of your pants at some point during the evening.

Consulting Mr. Boston, the cocktail god who taught Bacchus all he knew.

A brainwave! A Johnnie cocktail....

A little something sophisticated and devoid of disaster:
Johnnie Cocktail:
- 3/4 ounce tripel sec
- 1/2 ounce sloe gin
- 1 tsp. anisette
- shake with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass

What a fun and disastrous evening! Nest Friday is Sint Maarten's so we will be employing an all-Dutch theme and waiting for little rats to come singing and begging for candy!

Halloween Cocktail Night!

2011-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Halloween Cocktail Night -- something of a 'ladies' night' this week. With so many Hallowwen parties and events happened over the weekend, Arjen and I had only 2 (but 2 excellent) cocktailers. The theme was classic Halloween; its legends, lore, history... ingredients such as lizard's gizzards, eye of newt, bottled skunk fart, bat whiskers, troll teeth, mummified toenails were all welcome...

Having only 4 cocktailers made it possible this week to play a game... the only possible choice was 'Witches of Salem' which we lost miserably (a cooperative game) but which was very atmospheric considering the occasion!
The first drink was Arjen's Gluhsangria. Halloween, being the evening during which the threshold between world's is the thinnest. In between summer solstice and winter solstice, all Hallow's Eve is the perfect time to blend the idea of a snowy, winter evening in Germany with a lazy, warm summer evening in Spain. Hence, Arjen created a drink that was a mixture of German holiday Glug and Spanish sangria. The result was a delicious, spiced red wine with notes of both Christmas and summertime!

Gluhsangria:
- put a clove in a wineglass
- 1/2 ounce of Calvados
- 1/4 ounce of orange curacao
- fill the rest of the glass with red wine
- garnish with a slice of orange and a lemon zest

Naturally, Lunchbox Lissenberg was in attendance at the party-- searching for laps and as much attention as she could garnish.

A little apple tart never goes amiss on these Fall evenings.

Astrid made a cocktail in memory of sweet little Mama-- her sweet white rat who passed away last Wednesday.

This is little Mama at a party at Astrid's last year.

Mama's Cocktail:
-2 parts spiced rum
- 1 1/2 part yoghurt liquor, shaken over ice.
- decorate with fresh vanilla (for a tail)
- or otherwise add a bit vanilla extract. I sprinkled some cocoa on top.

RIP sweet, little Mama!

Lunchy meeting the Mama doll-- not initially a happy
union...

But how quickly hatred can turn to love.... and other things.

My drink was next--- although as always I needed Arjen to do the hard work. The idea was to create something that looked like candy corn-- in the absence of having REAL candy corn. It would be a sweet, dessert drink, non-alcoholic - that I could drink too.

We used food coloring to make the bottom layer orange. Because of the thickness of the drink,the layers sat atop each other and really did look like candy corn. If we were in the U.S. we certainly would have finished the drink by laying a few pieces of candy corn on top.

Tah-dah... four festive Candy Cornucopias!

The Candy Cornacopia:
- choose a flavor of sorbet (we used pear, and was light yellow in color)
- take a handful of ice cubes and crush them (or put them in a blender)
- add a 1/4 pint of the sorbet
- add a glass of apple juice
- add orange food coloring if the sorbet isn't already orange
- spoon into bottom of the glasses
- prepare the yellow layer the same way except use orange juice instead of apple juice. Add yellow food coloring unless (like our pear sorbet) it already is yellow
- top with whipped cream

Really fresh and fruity-- and the flavors will depend on the sorbet, so there's a lot of room for play.

Of course you could always add vodka to make this slushie into a proper cocktail.

So to wrap up, it was a quiet, and lovely, very festive Halloween cocktail eve. We were defeated by witches, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely in the meantime.

These quieter nights make for a nice, cozy atmosphere-- very sleep-inducing.

Some of us were over-relaxed, but isn't that what autumn is for... slowing down a little?

Next week--- the theme to be announced!

20th Century MONSTERS!

2011-10-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

This week was the third monster-themed cocktail night--- bringing us nearly up to Halloween!
This time the theme was 20th century monsters. We got away from literature a little-- although it is impossible to ignore H.P. Lovecraft in this category-- and tuned our creative brains into concocting cocktails for more modern monsters.
The first drink of the evening was mine. In the end, I used the old, terrible film 'The Creature from the Black Lagoon' as the inspiration. The main feature, of course, is the black lagoon and the suggestion of a creature. This drink is basically an autumn smoothie with some special October touches. Doing a smoothie allowed me to creature something murky-- capable of hiding a creature.

We gathered around to watch the old 1950s movie trailer for the film. As with most old monster movies-- once you've seen a 5-minute trailer there is really no point in watching the film itself.

The Creature From the Black Lagoon
(for 6 people)
- yogurt ( 4-5 plops)
- dash vanilla aroma
- couple dashes of rum aroma
- a liter apple juice
- 1/2 liter hard cider (optional)
- rum (splash in each glass) (optional)
- tinned pears (1 tin - 4 halves) drained

- black coloring for drink - not the same as food coloring, I don't think. This is specifically for coloring beverages.
Preparation:
- Find 'creatures' and freeze them into ice cubes pre-party
- the creature should be floating in a most menacing way when the drink is served

In my case, the creature sank to the depths of the cocktail in a most obliging way (not great for pictures), but the bodies of the creatures emerged when the lagoon was drained.

Terrifying.

The next drink was Arjen's The King in Yellow, borrowed from a story Robert W. Chambers-- later used by H.P. Lovecraft. This imaginary play provided the inspiration (and the color) for the cocktail. It was a fruity, refreshing, still powerful drink. In the story, the play made the people who watched it crazy. This cocktail has the same capability.

Here is someone going crazy.

Note the demonic glimmer in the eyes. Crazy.

Maarten is not QUITE crazy yet, but he will assuredly unravel before the evening is out.

Lost cause.

Borderline crazy.

The King in Yellow
1/2 ounce creme de cacao
1/2 ounce lemon juice
2 ounces gin
2 dashes orange bitters
2 ounces orange juice

The next drink was Wouter's creation. A masterpiece based on the 'Candyman'. I don't dare even write it 5 times. At the bottom of the drink, there was a collection of dead bees. Pulling from the film (in which the future Candyman (the son of a slave) is punished for his love of a white woman by having his hand cut off and replaced with a hook, and then being smeared by with honey and chased by a swarm of bees who eventually kill him). Obviously, he then becomes a monster-- what else?

In preparation for this drink you must 1st prepare the honey.
- one part honey
- one part water
- heat in a pan until honey dissolves
- cool

The Candyman
- 1 part honey
- 1 part dark rum
- 1/2 part scotch whiskey
- dash Marasquin
- shake over ice
(make dead bees with raisins soaked in rum)
(can add lemon)

Still crazy.

A couple of vicious games of Zombie Dice helped to keep things on a spooky, uneven keel.

Maarten's drink was next. He claimed mutants early on, and created a drink called Meta Luna, based on the mutant from the movie of the same name.

Although it was a hair strong, the recipe has already been refined and, assuming you like mint flavoring, this will be a lovely, fresh, minty, and appropriately green drink.

Meta Luna
- 2 parts whiskey
- 1 part creme de menthe (pr less, depending on your taste)
- a squeeze of lemon
- fill to top with fizzy lemonade

Meta Luna on Mystery Science Theater.

We sorely missed Judith and Astrid this week! Nice to have Agnes and Wouter though!!

Next week is Halloween weekend, so our theme will be traditional Halloween--- witch's brews, potions, anything one might find in a bubbling cauldron. Anything related to all Hallow's traditions and lore, as well.

19th century MONSTERS!

2011-10-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

This week's cocktail night was inspired by 19th century monsters. The idea was to choose a monster from a literary work and read part of the inspiring passage in conjunction with serving your original cocktail. We claimed our monsters early in the week, since monsters are (I hope) finite. The result was one of the most creative and clever cocktail nights yet!

Arjen chose the tale of Jekyll and Hyde as his inspiration.

In true Dr Jekyll style, he created his 'Potion' in a series of test tubes.

The result was instant.
He apparently lost his mind.

The Potion:
- a drop of grenadine
- a teaspoon absinthe
- 1/2 ounce lemon juice
- 1/2 ounce blue curacao

Incidentally, this is the first time I've seen my husband wearing more make-up than me. A novelty, but not part of our future repertoire.

Remco drained his with Hyde-ish speed.

Next, Astrid unveiled an alcoholic jello concoction inspired by Jane Eyre's Madwoman in the Attic. We listened to the passage in the classic Gothic tale wherein the madwoman sets Mr. Rochester's bed curtains on fire. Startling and festive!

The cocktail is tropical after the location where the madwoman and master met and married. It's sweet, (because women always are). The cocktail has a nut, resembling the nutter living on the top of the tower. Hello madwoman on the attic.

The Madwoman in the Attic (for 8 jello shots)
- three quarters of a package orange flavored jello.
-Three quarter cup of hot water
-Mix according to package instructions
- mix it either in small portions or keep the bowl in a bigger bowl with warm water while preparing your cocktail.

The virgin version:
- Nut flavoured sirup (normally used for coffees)
- Diet coke
- Coconut milk (2 layers)
- A nut (same as the sirup flavour you used)

The alcohol shots contain:
- Nut flavoured sirup
- Coconut milk
- Coconut rum or malibu
- Cream
- A nut
- To make the layers, mix the cold ingredients as mentioned above in a 1:1 ratio with the warm jello mixture. Prepare a small quantity each time, just for that specific layer only. Pour a small layer in your shot cup. Leave to set in the fridge until ready for the next layer. The nut is hidden in a white layer (with cream or coconut milk). Just add it immediatly after adding the white layer in your cups.
- When all layers are done, leave the.jello shots in the fridge for another three hours before serving.

Even the non-alcoholic version was fabulous!

'Shot' time!

Using the tale of Dracula as inspiration, Judith created a highly-inventive and visually exciting piece of art. She first read us an excerpt in which Mina find Lucy draped over a garden bench in the dead of night, which the ghoul crouched over her.

After presenting the cocktails, complete with shot glasses and syringes, she read the second excerpt -- a description of Lucy's blood transfusion. The idea was to use the syringe to infuse the pale, flesh-colored drink with its red counterpart--in effect giving life back to it and transforming it from pale and wasted to a healthier color.

Transfusion in progress. Most pleasant one ever.

Shot can also be administered directly to the tongue. (although not recommended)

Lucy's Secret Lover:
For the fake blood heat some cranberry juice in a pan and add some cornstarch to thicken it slightly to resemble blood (I used about 3 teaspoons of dissolved cornstarch to about 200 ml cranberry juice). Leave to cool in the fridge and remember it get be thicker as it cools, so don't add too much cornstarch.
For the pale drink:
1 ounce of vodka
juice of half a lime
top up with pear juice

For the virgin version:
replace wodka with tonic.

Serve the blood in a shotglass with a syringe (you can buy these at the pharmacy).

Pale cocktail pre-transfusion

Same cocktail looking infinitely healthier.

My drink was next. Based on Washington Irving's Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I combined the story of the lanky, superstitious schoolmaster, Ichabod Crane, with a classic, traditional and very early American drink... flip.

To garnish the drinks, I painted conkers to resemble pumpkins in honor of the headless horseman.

After distributing the basic drinks, we heated up forks (in place of loggerheads) over the stove. As in colonial American taverns, a person would doctor their mug of flip by stirring it with a red-hot poker.

The result is instant froth (overflowing) and gives the drink a toasted flavor. While you might add a number of ingredients (milk, cream, eggs, cinnamon, more booze, etc;) to your drink, this is the recipe we used:

Icabod's Pumpkin Flip
- beer
- pumpkin
- rum
- grate nutmeg on top of foam

Remco created a drink based on Frankenstein.

Blood of Frankenstein:
1 ounce Sloe Gin
3/4 ounce Dry Vermouth
1 tsp Triple Sec and
a firm splash of O.J.

It's basically a Frankenjack with Sloe gin instead of Gin and OJ instead of Apricot brandy.

Delicious!!!

At the end of a night of storytelling and black eyeshadow, everyone was ready for a long sleep in the coffin.

But some of us don't need a coffin to get a good night sleep.

Classical Cocktails-- Inspired by Ancient Monsters!

2011-10-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

The first cocktail night of October-- and the first in the series of 'Monster Month' themes launched the spookiest month of the year with great success! With the theme being Classical Monsters, we looked to classical stories and legends as inspiration.

Sophisticated Greek laurel crowns helped to set the mood

With a Medusa head platter of apple licorice...

Astrid's traditional spinach pies, and Nana Mouskouri music playing in the background, we were ready to embark on the evening.

The first drink of the evening was a non-alcoholic wonder Arjen called:

Sasquatch Milk
1 teaspoon of maple syrup
1 1/2 ounces brown rum
3 ounces of warm milk

Delicious! In the case of pregnant ladies, you can use a 1/2 teaspoon of rum aroma instead of the good stuff.

Not just the coolest, but the CUTEST people came to the party...

Although they expressed their unwillingness to get into costume.

The next drink was inspired by the dragon. In fact, it was called the Fiery Dragon. With a fierce gingery bite, this drink was ferocious AND delicious.

The Fiery Dragon
1 ounce vodka
1/2 ounce Fiero (martini Fiero-- it's an aperitif w/ essence of blood oranges)
1/2 ounce of ginger liqueur
1 dash of pechaud bitters

(note the amazing use of fire spewing from the dragon's snout)

Fortified with the first drinks, we engaged in a cutthroat game of Mort em Arosa... the dead bodies were piling up along with the suspects.

Astrid fixed the next drink-- an inspired two-parter...Nobody's Sangria. It is weet and mediterranean, like the drink that was offered to Polyphemus, the one eyed monster who kept heroes captive-- killing them one by one as he would please.
This wine would make even the monster become drunk and unwary. When Polyphemus asks for Odysseus' name (promising him a lavish gift if he answers) Odysseus tells him its "Nobody."

Being drunk, Polyphemus believes it to be a real name and says that he will eat "nobody". With that, Polyphemus crashes to the floor and passes out. Odysseus, with the help of his men, lifts the flaming stake, charges forward and drives it into Polyphemus' eye, blinding him. Polyphemus yells for help from his fellow cyclopes reporting that "Nobody" has hurt him. The other cyclopes think Polyphemus is making a fool out of them or that it must be a matter with the gods, and they grumble and go away.

Nobody's Sangria
1 orange
1 mandarin
1 lemon
half of a fresh pineapple
handful of lychees

a bottle of fine virgin wine (I used chardonnay)

Gently cut the fruits in chunks and poor the wine on top. Leave to cool for at least 8 hours. You need a 1,5 ltr jar.
For this recipe you can try to add peach, melon or any other tropical fruit too (melon, lychees, apples and pineapple seems a golden combination too)

The second tumbler (with the floating eyeball) is The Sheep Escape
Fresh like a grass field on which the sheep lead our heroes to their freedom.

Odysseus and his men tie themselves to the undersides of Polyphemus' sheep. When the blind Cyclops lets the sheep out to graze, he feels their backs to ensure the men are not riding out, but does not feel the men underneath. Odysseus leaves last, riding beneath the belly of the biggest ram. Polyphemus does not realize that the men are no longer in his cave until the sheep and the men are safely out.

The Sheep Escape
1 green apple
1 lemon
1 lime
a big chunk of cucumber (about finger length)
a big handfull of white seedless grapes
half a bottle of virgin white wine (so you can have the other half for breakfast lol)
Chop all ingredients into bits and poor the wine on top. Leave to cool for at least 8 hours. You need about a 1 ltr jar.
It may be worth to try to add fresh mint

***the virgin sangria's can be given a shot of rum for the alcoholics among us. On the other side, you can dilute the sangria with either sparkling water or ginger ale.

This, apparently, is the result of the pairing.

Thank goodness Judith brought us back from the brink of insanity with the next drinks.

Will o' Wisp
1 ounce of white chocolate liquer
1 ounce of wodka
1 ounce of coconut cream
150 ml of 7-up
Served in a scary glowing bowl to make it resemble a real will o' wisp!

Witte Wieven
The name of the cocktail refers to an old Dutch folktale about white ladies that would haunt inocent travellers on the road early in the morning. They would take shape from the mists on the ground and tempt them of the safe roads and into the bogs.
My white ladies are non-alcoholic and were served in a glowing glass for maximum effect.
1 ounce of coconutcream
1 can of 7-up

The phantasmic glowing light says it all!

Shortly after, we started to unravel again. Too many legends, monsters, drinks...

Just in time Maarten rescued us with his delicious concoction:
The Golem's Reviver
1 ounce scotch whiskey
1/2 ounce dry vermouth
1/2 ounce lemon juice
1/2 ounce benedictine
1/4 ounce grenadine
shake over ice and strain into glass

Many thanks to everyone for such a GREAT evening! Next week we're themimg with GOTHIC monsters-- Victorian era. Everyone who's coming should (ideally) bring a little excerpt (literary or otherwise) of text regarding the monster who inspired the drink. We'll consult beforehand so we don't have 5 Draculas!

A Tribute to Autumn... Cocktails that Echo the Season

2011-10-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

After a long (and lazy) hiatus, the blog is back! Last night, cocktail night was such a success and an inspiration, it FINALLY fueled me to recommence the weekly blog.
Although the Amsterdam air is far from chill or crisp-- in fact it's downright balmy, even tropical -- it was not difficult to get into the mood of the season with all of the friends and help we had...

Alex and Judith had taken a festive walk and collected all sorts of nuts and greenery for the centerpiece.

Once composed, it was a masterpiece of Fall feeling!

The mushroom-spotted cupcakes Astrid made fit perfectly into the scene! And were delicious!

The first drink of the night was a non-alcoholic coffee drink called:
Honey Sweet Coffee
For each cup you need a warm cup of coffee
- dissolve one teaspoon of honey
- cool the coffee by leaving it for a while or refrigerating it
- add ice cubes to a shaker with 2 dashes of Angostura bitters
- strain into a glass
- top with whipped cream
- grate nutmeg on top

Reinout surprised us with some chestnuts! After making a cross incision into each one, they were placed in the oven for a half hour (about 220 degrees celsius). They came out warm and fragrant with a soft, nutty flavor to them. Delicious!

The next drink of the evening was the:
Apple Brandy Martini
- 2 dashes of orange bitters
- half ounce of dry vermouth
- 1 1/2 ounce of Calvados
- shake and strain into a cocktail glass
- garnish with a slice of Granny Smith

Any so-called Autumn party would be incomplete without the challenging and often humiliating practice of bobbing for apples. This seemingly simple sport is far more difficult than it seems, often ending in failure, defeat, waterlogged sinuses, and running mascara.
Arjen was the first to attempt...

In record time he captured his apple (using the side of the pail for leverage). The discussion as to whether this technique equated to cheating was suppressed for reasons that follow.

Judith was the next to step up to the plate...

After consideration and calculation, she dove in a series of times, only to be foiled by the evasive apples! This painful defeat banished all thoughts that the capture was easy by using Arjen's technique.

What we needed was a new technique-- that wasn't a fluke and that actually worked. Muus' success was so sudden and unexpected that I barely had the time to document it. Using a most original vacuum technique, the apple was almost immediately ensnared and success guaranteed! A marvel!

Next, I faced the problem of whether to attempt Arjen's far-from-foolproof leverage technique or Muus' noisier slurping technique (which threatened to destroy my make-up and flood my sinuses).

In the end, I had bigger problems. Height and girth. Too short to get over the pail, and with a too-big belly to get NEAR the pail, I had to employ a chair. Although props are normally considered a cheat, there was nothing to be done about the physical logistics.
The task still proved nearly impossible!

The maddening rolling around of the apple forced me to question the sharpness of my canines (sharp, reliable canines have always been a great source of pride in my mind). In the end, I did it. In the process, face, hair, and boobs were soaked.

Anneloes was a great sport, and a taller sport.

Ignoring the threat of possible defeat, and certain wetness, she dove in time and time again...
In the end, she came up a winner!

After a string of successes, Astrid had a tough act to follow.
The extremely festive Fall outfit she was wearing should have been a lucky charm.

But after a mighty effort, the apples proved to be too evasive, and she won nothing but a face towel. 'A' for effort though!

Reinout appeared to consider carefully before immersing...
He closed in on the quarry several times, and was defeated several times.

In a most spectacular finale, he pulled the apple up out of the center of the pail, making us wonder whether perseverance was its own technique.

Soon, things began to dry off, and settle into a more civilized, seasonal mood. Lunchbox and Sandwich returned to the party as soon as splashing and raised voices died down.

In the end, the evening rounded into a series of nice, warming cocktails and conversation. Lunchy curled up around Teddy Bearskins on the coach and endured his kicks through my skirt-- reminding me, no doubt, that she is my first and always baby.

It was a GREAT night!!! We were so pleased to have such great friends to share it with. We, all of us, saw September out with a candlelit bang, nutty, appley cocktails, and a lot of great, festive food and company! A perfect Autumn evening!

Steampunk Cocktails!

2011-05-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

At last... we had our long-awaited Steampunk-themed cocktail night on Friday. This week took more preparation than usual and you are about to see why! Steampunk is a name given to a new fad (for lack of a better word) that represents Victorian era science fiction-- with a huge hat tip to the industrial revolution. Steam, smoke, grime, motors, machines, monsters... anything goes really, as long as it has a Victorian tinge.
I squeezed myself into my costume (I like to think of as a professional blackmailer), and Arjen (the dodo farmer) donned his cravat and tophat. We were delighted to see both Judith and Remco appear in costume...

So the stage was set for some really DIFFERENT cocktails! But what do we with the Steampunk theme?

Our first drink was one of Arjen's inspirations: a non-alchoholic WONDER. The inspiration was one of our friend's, Rory Raven, who is a mentalist and a fellow Lovecraftian, and a generally awesome guy who happens to love all the same geeky things that we do. Since Rory's not a drinker, this drink had to have a tea base, be exotic, very english-- and it also had to FEEL like Steampunk. Arjen came up with an amazing cold drink that blended the very fragrant, earthy lapsang souchong with anise.

And of course there had to be a hypnotic swirl on top...

We did it in chocolate syrup, but it might have been even more perfect if it we had the time to make a stencil and sugar black or red sugar through the stencil onto the forth. In any case it was the best coffee/tea drink I've ever had.

I think you have to like Lapsing Souchang to like this drink, but if you do... do not hesitate - get into the kitchen and make it!

The Rory Raven:
- make one liter of STRONG Lapsing Souchang
- flavor with 4 cubes aniseed flavored sugar cubes
- add 2 tablespoons of brown sugar
- let cool
- pour over ice
- add some slightly whipped cream on top (over the back of a spoon so it sits on top)
- add swirl of chocolate sauce

And make SURE to take a look at his site for all your reading/mind reading needs:

www.roryraven.com

The next drink was something completely different and also delicious! Astrid made a fruity apple-based drink with a cinnamon kick- it really did taste like a liquid apple pie. She wanted to make something that combined German industriousness with something English. So, she ended up combining ice tea (for the English) and apfelkorn. Delicious!

The Jerry Can Can
(makes 5 glasses)
- 450 ml boiled water
- 2 earl grey tea bags (it's about double the strength)
- add a teaspoon (or less after taste) of ground cinnamon
- leave tea to set
- remove tea bags after 10 mins and put the tea in the fridge to cool
- add a big squeeze of lemon juice (about two table spoons)
- add 250 ml apfelkorn (apple liquor)
- shake over ice
- decorate with a cinnamon stick
***for the virgin cocktail you can replace apfelkorn by ordinary apple juice

For extra steampunk bling, drink this drink through a gas mask...

And naturally, we were all going out of our minds wondering what would be next...?

Judith came center stage with a duo of drinks that were not only visually PERFECT for the theme, but were wonderfully tasty as well! This presentation could not be beaten...

Wires... bulbs... gears...

... and little dancing stars cut out of ginger that fizzed around the glass like little dynamos!

The artist/inventor sipping her creation...

The Skycaptain's Maiden Voyage
(non-alchoholic)
- Rivella Softdrink
- Squeeze of limejuice
- Small stars of fresh ginger

And the...
The Skycaptain's Last Revenge
- 1 ounce of wodka
- 1 ounce of Quarant-Y-Tres
- 2 ounces of Rivella
- Squeeze of limejuice
- Small stars of fresh ginger

And then Arjen came back with another tremendous duo: The Engineer and the Oil Rag...

A drink that began with a shot of salty licorice vodka shot chased by an ale.

The Oil Rag:
(preparation)
- using 300 ml vodka
- add a handful of laurel-flavored licorice
- add 5 bay leaves
- leave for a WEEK (shaking every now and then)
- pour into shot glass and serve with glass of ale (the Engineer)(McEwan's would be best)

And now for something completely shocking... the Absinthe (doesn't deserve it's reputation and not the same drink it USED to be!)

To Serve Absinthe
- add absinthe to a wine glass
- balance a fork on top
- put a sugar cube on it
- slowly pour 45 mill of ice cold water on the ice cube to slowly dissolve it
- drink!
- add WONDERFUL Steampunky characters like Judith made to the lips of the glasses to make them even more festive!

The drink will turn a lovely jade green with the sugar mixes with it...

Sugar Cube balancing on fork...

In short, it was a really magical evening, and we were all transported (to varying degrees)! Here are some of the other photos of the eve!

Cocktail Nacht! Springy Fruity Theme!

2011-05-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

With the beautiful WARM weather closing in on us, we adopted a fruity theme this past Friday.

The Orange Blossom:
(serves 4)
-3 small avocados
-a small tin of asparagus (washed)
-tablespoon of fresh parsley (or a teaspoon of dried)
- work into a smooth texture
-add the juice of 7 oranges and 1 lime
-mix well with processor
(you might try adding gin to make it alcoholic, but it's perfect as is)

The Lucy's Comfort:
(Makes 5 big glasses)
-250 ml of the syrup
-300 grams fresh blueberries
-2 limes-- cut into bits
-an entire mint leaf plant (plucked-- 40-50 leaves)
-250 ml white rum (take some good brand, not too sharp, and something that can battle the taste of the blueberries)
-300 ml club soda
-crushed ice

For the syrup (the non-alcoholic base to the drink):
-70 grams peeled and thin sliced fresh ginger
-2 pieces of lemongrass, cut into halves and smashed with the back of a knife
-a dash of ground coriander
-a dash of ground galanga root or thai ginger root
-200 grams of sugar (I used the brownish cane sugar)
-250 ml water

To make the syrup, add all ingredients to the water in a saucepan
-Stir while allowing the sugar to dissolve by slowly heating the water
-When done remove from fire and let it cool
-Place the syrup in the fridge to cool off completely
(the syrup should be made some time in advance to allow it to cool well enough)
-You can remove the ginger and lemon grass before adding it to the cocktail
-Squash the blueberries with a wooden spoon
-Add the lime and mint leaves
-Squash and mix until all ingredients release their juices and flavor
-Add the rum and top off with the soda/ seltzer
-give it a quick stir and poor into glasses with some crushed ice
-A sifter can help by keeping the debris in the pitcher rather than in the glasses

***The virgin drink doesn't have the rum. You can add some tonic or more soda to compensate.

The Lucy's Comfort... delicious!

The Black Forest Cake Martini:
-1 oz. creme de cacao
-1 oz. Licor Cuarenta Y Tres
-1 Oz. creme de casis
-4 oz. heavy cream
- shake over ice

The Summer Cup (A Strawberry Gin & Tonic)
-2 oz. gin
-3 strawberries
-muddle strawberries into gin and leave in fridge for at least a few hours
-strain into a tumbler
-add ice cubes

Queen's Day Cocktails... better late than never!

2011-05-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

Queen's Day Madness!
In anticipation of the wild day, we were all about ORANGE on cocktail night!
The following morning we were out on the town, combing the canals and quiet (not quiet on Queen's Day though) neighborhoods...

We turned up a couple games, some cocktailing gear, and a lovely shelf!

Arjen finds an old-time juicer for cocktail night!

Even the food was orange, thanks to Astrid's sweet little cakes!

The Virgin Beatrix
(serves 6)
(preparation):
-score an apple
-stud an orange, a grapefruit, and a lemon with cloves
-bake fruits in the oven at 250 degrees for 30 minutes
-quarter the hot fruits in a big bowl (punchbowl)
-add a tablespoon of finely-chopped ginger
-add 30 grams of brown sugar
-add 300 ml boiling water
-squeeze all the juice out of the fruits with a spoon or muddler
-leave to cool for 30 minutes
-then strain through a sieve
-refrigerate or use immediately
(serving):
-pour over crushed ice
-top up with bitter lemon
-enjoy!

The Juliana Sparkle:
1 oz of oranjebitter
-top up with prosecco
- pour into a flute glass

Our friend Cedric visiting from Paris!

And a good time was had by all...

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Conclusion

2011-05-10T01:03:00.000-07:00

"In you go," Lady Rackrent nudges. Basil really is pretending to have a lot of difficulty stepping over the bodies. He glances up at you, and without even being conscious that you'd decided, she sprint across the parlor, and hurdle over the bodies into the black passage. A bullet whizzes by your head and you drop to the ground.
"Are you hit?" Basil asks, crouching over you?
"I don't know."
In one movement, he lifts you up and slings you over his shoulder, as if you are already a corpse. More bullets follow you as you make your way further into the darkness. You can hear them bouncing off the stone walls, dripping with condensation and slime.
"She's going to follow us and kill us," you cry.
"She can't fit into the passageway," he says, stopping short and easing you onto the floor. "Why do you think she left the bodies right there at the threshold? She's probably trying to wedge herself inside now. Let's hope she gets stuck." All the while he's talking, he's examining you, rather roughly. There's a burn mark on your right sleeve, but no wound underneath. You're having trouble hearing, but you seem to have escaped the bullets.
"Basil!" you shriek! "There's blood on your shirt!" You pull the tails out of his waistband and find a mess of gore.
"It's nothing," he says, wincing and getting up.
"Nothing!"
"Darby. It's not the kind of thing that will kill me. We need to move on."
"Do you think the bullet's in there?" you ask, incredulously.
"How would I know. But can we move on before I die of blood loss?"
With an instinct you did not know you possessed, you begin to tear the sleeves off his shirt. Under normal circumstances, you doubt you'd have the strength for it. First one and then the other, you rip away and tie together. You feel something like Florence Nightingale when you wrap them around this waist and tie them tightly. He yells so loud that you jump.
"Good girl," he says when catches his breath. "That will help stop the bleeding."
"Basil, what's our plan?" you ask, tears in your eyes. As it turns out, you're not really made for these sorts of adventures.
"We're got to get to a phone, and avoid Lady Rackrent. That's going to be hard since she knows the only two places we can come out are the parlor and your suite."
"Yes, but there are two of us and one of her," you point out.
"True. But I don't want to split up. I can't risk you getting shot."
"Well, what then? Should we make for the trap door, or go back into the parlor?" You frown intensely. "I can't go back into the parlor," you blubber. "She was just shooting at us in there."
Basil doesn't have time to cater to your tears. "I know. I only wish we could find those paintings and use them as a shield, but I've no idea where she's put them."
"Should we look for them?"
"And give her more time? No. Anyway, she might be crazy enough to shoot us through one of them anyway."
"I think the fact that she's crazy is something we can take for granted at this point."
Basil agrees. Together, you decide that she's probably ferrying her great bulk in between the parlor and your suite. Should the trap door even begin to shift and grate, chances are she will be on top of it, faster then a tiger, and shooting down into the blackness.
"But if we distract her by shifting it a little, we won't have time to get away before she starts shooting. That ladder is awkward and we'd be easy targets laying at the foot of it."
"We've got to get out through the parlor. But we need some kind of defense in place of a weapon. Even if you get into the parlor without her knowing, she certainly locked the doors."
"She knows the floor plan of this place a lot better than we do," you point out morbidly. "I don't see how we can find an exit before she finds us."
There's no use hypothesizing and wasting time. You creep back to the passageway and, with painful slowness, Basil emerges from the passageway into the parlor. Without saying a word, he waves you forward. You streak through the parlor and across the foyer without a moment's hesitation. Following his lead, you chase him into the swinging door that leads to the kitchen. He stops short and he bump into him, making him groan a little, in pain. You're standing over the body of the new maid, shot in the back.
"In here!" he hisses, climbing into the pantry. He pulls the door shut and stations himself in front of a small crack. The idea is to be absolutely quiet and hope that Lady Rackrent doesn't find you. "She must be making rounds of the place," Basil whispers. You're huddled so closely together, his bloody shirt is beginning to soak through to your skin. "I think she's coming."
Sure enough, cat-like padding, amazingly quiet and eerie for such a large woman, is heard faintly coming toward the door. Basil seems to freeze; not a comforting sensation since he's the only one who can see anything. The footsteps are definitely coming closer to the pantry. She must have heard you moving toward the kitchen. In the dark, you see Basil's hand reach up and grab a heavy tin from off the shelf. In a flash, the door opens and Basil lunges forward. You heard a sickening thud and a loud crash. Lady Rackrent is laying on the floor with a nasty open cut on her forehead.
"She won't be out long," Basil says, peeling the pistol away from her fingers. "An ox like this her can rear back up at any moment."
"Should we whack her again?" you ask.
He looks at you seriously. "I don't want to kill her, Darby." He wrenches the phone off the cradle and shakes his head. "Line is dead."
"Try another one!" you shout.
"Darby, if one phone is dead, they'll all be dead. Believe me." He grabs your hand and tows you around the two bodies and into the foyer. As you had expected, the main door is locked. The windows appear to be un-openable, a design feature perhaps from the days when people thought fresh air was dangerous to your health. "We don't have time for this bullocks," he mutters, grabbing a vase off a plinth and hurling it through a window."
Finally, you are outside in the courtyard! And... surrounded by the moat. "Aha!" Basil yells, and then grabs his side. "A rowboat!" He turns it over with his foot, from where it's resting against a turret. Fresh blood seems to be seeping through his shirt.
"Let me," you say, pushing forward. He push the thing with all your might until it plops into the water. Just before it's out of reach, you manage to grab the side of it. You probably should have thought of that first. "You get in first," you order, "I'll row."
"Fine by me," Basil smiles, holding his side.
It barely takes a moment to cross the moat. You're distracted, terrified that Lady Rackrent will appear in the courtyard with a rifle or a canon. By the time she does emerge, you have just cleared the steep hill and are well on your way into the town. Instead of crossing to the street where your walk would be a lot shorter and easier, you stick to the fields and woods, where Lady Rackrent's car is unlikely to find you. It takes nearly an hour, but eventually you see the little riot of buildings that make up Bantry Bay.
You run ahead to the first one, which happens to be a tiny tea room and urgently ask for use of the phone. The woman can see that something is frightfully amiss, and dials the emergency number for you. When the ambulance screeches up ten minutes later, Basil is unconscious and you are feeling dangerously faint as well. Side by side, the two of you are loaded onto stretchers and slid into the back of the ambulance like two drawers in a card catalog. It will be a few hours before the police get the full story out of you, but there's no rush; you're stuck in the hospital overnight while they 'observe you'. Basil is on the other side of the curtain, jotting notes in his journal.
You can't sleep until you know that the police have found Lady Rackrent and that she is under lock and key. It takes them a considerable time to find her, since she is hiding in an old priest's hole under the floor in her closet. It's almost midnight when they bring you the news that she's been apprehended. Immediately, you fall into a deep, narcotic sleep.

"Basil!" you shout into the telephone a couple of days later, "Come over here quick! You won't believe what I've found!"
"I'm still at the museum," he whispers, cupping the receiver. "Didn't we say we'd meet at eight?"
"We did, but this is far too important."
"You haven't seen Lady Rackrent?" he asks, irrationally.
"Of course not. Just come!"
You sit on the steps of the Sleeping Bee and wait for about ten minutes before a cab screeches up in a cloud of dust and Basil jumps out, clutching his bandaged torso. "What on earth...?"
"Come with me!," you say, grabbing his arm and dragging him around the corner to stand in front of the greengrocers. "I came this way on the night I met you at the Devil's Punchbowl."
"Fateful night that it was," he adds.
"And I noticed this statue of a soldier on horseback."
"Yes?"
"Notice anything interesting about him?"
"Him or the horse?" Basil asks.
"Him!" you shout, pulling the travertine nose from out of your purse.
Basil's mouth drops open in astonishment. "My God, he has no nose!"
"Not only that," you say, flipping to your watercolors of noses and nose holes, "But I think it might be a perfect fit."
For an injured man, Basil is freakishly fast in climbing the base of the statue. He groans when he rolls over onto the pedestal. Then he mounts the horse the way any rider would and is sitting behind the incomplete soldier.
"Drum roll please," he calls, holding the nose aloft.
You make the best drumroll you can, for someone who's not very musical. He lifts up the nose and holds it in front of the statue's face. You realize you're no longer drumming, but holding your breath. He presses the nose onto the face. It's a seamless fit.
"A perfect match!" he shouts.
He has just enough time to jump down and start running before the policeman shouting at him arrives at the intersection.
"No more chases!" you gasp, easily out of breath.
"No more chasing it right. We're starting again on a ice even keel. How does that sound?"
You hook your arm through his, tweed on tweed. "It sounds safe and wonderful," you sigh, as the two of you disappear inside the Devil's Punchbowl.

THE END

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Murder at Castle Rackrent

2011-05-09T04:09:00.000-07:00

You manage to convince Basil that there's no need to tell Lady Rackrent about the stolen paintings that WERE in the house and are now missing. Getting out of Castle Rackrent feels like the most urgent thing at the moment. Having already faced so many dangers, you are very leery to trust anyone. But, as Basil pointed out, you are essentially on an island. Without lowering the drawbridge, you will have to swim for it. Sneaking out is going to be a very hard and a very wet business. Still, here you are packing your things in the privacy of your suite.
There's a quiet rap on the door.
"Almost ready, then?" Basil asks in a whisper.
"Just about."
"I hate all this cloak and dagger stuff," he repeats.
"I do too, but I don't think we can trust her."
"I agree with you. I'm just concerned about how we're going to get out of here without her help. We don't know for a fact that Roy and Ray are even gone."
You shiver. That's something you hadn't thought of. They might be hiding somewhere in the castle or on the grounds. And you know that they know that you know. Not a good place to be.
"Let's just make a move."
Basil grabs your valise in his free hand. Apparently you're only responsible for a hatbox. The ancient oak on the landing groans as the two of you tiptoe to the head of the stairs. The main door, gigantic and heavy, will have to scrape open across the flagstone floor in order to free you. Then you will be facing the problem of the moat.
"Shall we ask the new maid if she knows how to lower the drawbridge?" you ask.
"Why would she? She's been consumed with cooking all morning. You see the way Lady Rackrent eats. Anyway, she may go straight to Lady Rackrent to ask her."
"True." Getting wet seems to be on the cards. "You don't think there's anything in the moat?" you ask.
"You mean like a sea serpent?"
If you're honest, that is just what you meant. You raise your eyebrows in response.
"I think there's a hell of a lot of prehistoric green scum that we'll never get off our skin, but nothing that can severe a leg."
"Great."
You are padding down the sides of the carpeted stairs; the sides seem to be the less creaky. Still, your heart nearly stops when you arrive at the foot and see Lady Rackrent emerging from the parlor. She appears to have tarted herself up for her 'sitting' (which you are determined will not take place) and is wearing a quantity of crimson lipstick and lavender eyeshadow that compete in grotesqueness to the generous decollete she is displaying. Gruesome. Plenty of diamonds danging from her ears and getting lost in the swell of flash between her neckline and the place you would expect to find a chin on any other person.
"How's this dear?" she asks, her smile dropping when she sees the valises and the hatbox. "Oh my dears, you aren't planning on leaving me so soon?"
Basil falters. You are completely mute.
"Lady Rackrent, I have just been called away on the most pressing business at the museum. I'm afraid we must leave you for a day or two."
"Funny," she grins, "I didn't hear the telephone. And there's one in every room."
"It's the fact that I wasn't called that is reason for concern, as I was awaiting a very important update."
"I see." Her eyes are almost black; dilated like a cat's. "But I cannot part with either of you just yet, I'm afraid."
"I'm afraid you must..."
"I will not!" she cuts in. Her voice has changed. Her posture has changed. Instead of looking like a mountain of bread pudding, she suddenly looks like a brick wall. "Come in here, my dears."
Something in her tone produces a knot the size of an anchor in your stomach. You can't move. Basil takes you gently by the arm and whispers, "Don't worry. I'm thinking of Plan B. Do not panic."
Do not panic? You are essentially being held hostage. Lady Rackrent herds the two of you into the parlor and closes the door behind her. Grover, the stuffed ferret laying stiffly on his side atop the sofa. A stuffed dog, a spaniel it seems, is propped beside it.
"This is Pigdog," she says, following your gaze. "He has been deceased for seven years, but he's still my darling. I would like him in my portrait as well. You can paint a little sparkle in his eye, can't you?"
"Lady Rackrent!" you blurt, almost hysterically. "We really must be going. I'm afraid I won't be able to paint your portrait after all."
"Shut up, you little fool!" she snaps. "You are going nowhere."
Basil puffs his chest out and stands between you and Lady Rackrent. "I am afraid we have overstayed our welcome," he announces, shifting you toward the door with his chest.
"Stay where you are." Lady Rackrent has produced a small pistol from out of her substantial folds. "Make a move and I'll kill you both right here."
The gig is up, well and truly.A strange feeling of peacefulness comes over you. Now, you know. You're going to die, but at least the terrible suspense is over.
"Do you think I'm a fool?" she sneers.
Neither of you answer. Instead basil asks, "Where are Roy and Ray?"
"They're gone," she laughs. "And yet they're here." The sound of her laughter is more than unnerving.
Basil makes a last ditch effort to coerce Lady Rackrent. "Gone? But then, I have the most distressing news for you. We were going for the police so that the problem might be rectified before you had to learn of it. I'm afraid Roy and Ray have been using the Castle to store stolen paintings."
She doesn't take the bait, instead she laughs. "Do you really think those two idiots would know a Matisse from a mattress?" She has the pistol trained on Basil's chest. Sidling toward the paneled passage, the gun still raised, she depresses the hidden mechanism and the shelf spins open, revealing not only the passageway, but the bodies of Roy and Ray slumped in a pool of blood. You screech and Lady Rackrent redirects the pistol at you. "Shut up!" she warns. "I can't have that fool maid rushing in here, although I imagine she will sooner or later."
You get the sense that Basil is straining to lunge at Lady Rackrent but she is too far away.
"You," she snarls, waving the pistol at Basil again. "You get in there and drag those bodies further inside. I can't have them stinking up my parlor. And you," she's pointing at you again, "You stay here and start my portrait." She's already propped up an easel with a canvas of extraordinary dimensions. You apparently intends that you be working on the portrait for a very long time.
You exchange quick glances with Basil. Slowly, he moves forward, at Lady Rackrent's urging. As he passes you he whispers, "Follow me in there as soon as I'm in. Be quick."
"What did you say?" Lady Rackrent trills. The way her arm is vibrating with rage while it holds the pistol is a worrying sight.
"He said good luck," you snark back, moving toward to easel. Basil is making a show of stepping over the bodies of Roy and Ray. Is he buying you time?

What will you do? The situation is desperate. Dangerous though it is, should you make a dash for it inside the narrow passage and hope Lady Rackrent is not a good shot? Choose 'A'

Or are you going to stall for a few minutes and try to think of something less dangerous? After all, if you're both inside and she blocks that trap door in your room, you'll be trapped inside a tomb anyway. Best to defy Basil and start racking your own brain for ideas. Choose 'B'.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Part IX

2011-05-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

"Not going?" Basil roars when you answer his knock. "But what if someone tries to kill us again?"
"Then they'll have to poison my tea, and I have a very good nose for almonds," you retort, "Because I'm not creeping down any more holes."
"This isn't an Agatha Christie novel," Basil howls. "Someone tried to bury us alive last night."
"Well, they failed, didn't they. So let's get cracking on the nose. I'll start the portrait this afternoon and see if I can feel Lady Rackrent out a bit better, and then we'll get the hell out of here before the cuckoo hones his or her murder skills."
"Why won't you go?" he asks, rubbing the bandage on his arm.
"I'm not leaving you here alone," you say simply. "Will you come with me?"
He frowns. "I'm afraid all the evidence will be gone."
"I agree."
"I don't think it's the old lady."
"Neither do I. I'd bet on the twins. They are far too creepy to be completely innocent. And besides, the thefts couldn't have been executed by Lady Rackrent. She's too... noticeable."
"Like a blue whale in a swimming pool," Basil agrees. He hems and haws his way through breakfast and then, post-cornflakes, he gives in.
"Alright. You can stay. But I'm going with you when you paint the old lady. You're not going to go anywhere alone."
"Fine."
"If you take a walk, I'm coming. If you visit the garden, I'm coming. If you're..."
"I get it. You're my jailer."
"Precisely. The thing is... we need to photograph the stolen paintings. That's a priority."
Although your stomach is in a knot, you have to agree, And with Lady Rackrent getting her beauty sleep, now is the time. You wrap some bacon in a napkin and manage to avoid both Ray and Roy as you creep back upstairs. Basil locks the door from the inside and uncovers the trap.
"Let me give you some help," you offer.
"Don't get your fingers anywhere near this thing in case I drop it." He's already shifted the heavy stone by the ring. Someone who hadn't seen him using his body as a battle-ram the night before would have called him a wimp, with the way he groaned and carried on. Finally, the stone was safely lifted and Basil was descending the ladder.
"Now you stay right there until I get. Keep the door locked, keep the curtains closed, and for God's sake don't pick up the phone or let anyone in. Pretend you're in the tub."
"Got it." It's an awful site to see the top of his head disappearing into the blackness. "Are you alright?" you keep calling into the hole. The first few times he answers. And then there's dead silence. A half or passes, maybe more. "Basil?"
Someone knocks at your door. Of course you don't answer. But then they start hammering on the door. Should you ask who it is? Your heart can't take much more, and they are only glass doors anyway. Just when you're about to shriek out loud, Basil's head comes back into view.
"What's that racket?" he asks.
"Someone's at the door!" you hiss.
He slides a rug over the gaping hole and wrenched the door open.
Lady Rackrent is standing on the other side, panting. Her countenance of anger melts away and is replaced by a humorous smile.
"I see how it is, children," she smirks. "So sorry to disturb you. I just wondered what time my sitting will begin."
She looks at you but Basil answers. "In an hour."
"Very good," she chuckles. "I'll leave you to it, then," and she glides away.
Basil slams the door so quickly that her chiffon train gets stuck in it and he needs to reopen it. She only chuckles some more.
"Dear God!" you sigh. "I was scared to death. What were you doing down there?"
"Looking for the paintings."
"Don't you remember where we found them?"
"I remember exactly where we found them. But they're gone."
"Ah." You sit on the edge of the bed, horrified. "Lost again."
"At least know they were here. That's a start. There's nothing to protect here now, we might as well go."
Your heart leaps up in your chest. Go! Another knock interrupts you. You glance at each other, both realizing it probably isn't Lady Rackrent. Basil swings the door open before you can stop him. An elderly woman in a maid's uniform is standing on the other side.
"Just bringing up some fresh towels," she says, looking a little lost. "Shall I put them on the bed?"
"That's fine," you answer.
"M'am," Basil begins, sidling up beside her. "We haven't met before. I wonder if Roy and Ray are not well today."
"Roy and Ray? I don't know, love. I just got called in this morning from my employment agency. I haven't seen no one else serving since I got here. Too much work for a woman of my age. I'd not of come if I known it."
Basil nodded, "I see. Well, please don't bother with us then."
"Gone," Basil frowns. "So they've made off with the paintings. I suppose we should tell Lady Rackrent. They were using her family home as a safe house for goodness sake. She ought to be notified."
"I suppose," you say reluctantly.
"You mean you don't think we should? Are you saying you still suspect her?"

ARE you saying you still suspect Lady Rackrent? If so choose 'A'

Roy and Ray were the culprits here. How could lady Rackrent have been involved in hte thefts ansd such. No, the danger is past. It's perfectly safe -- and your obligation really-- to let her know what's gone on under her roof. Chose 'B'.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Part XIV

2011-05-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

You are a fast thinker!
"I'm so sorry, Lady Rackrent! I was puzzling over the nose and I tripped over the andirons." You hold up the nose to corroborate your story. It may be a little chipped and worse for wear, but from a distance she can't tell.
"Oh, dear. You are clumsy, aren't you. Shall I ask my men to carry you up to bed?"
"I'm just fine" you say quickly, getting up off the carpet. You are most anxious to stay away from Roy and Ray. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
You race by Lady Rackrent and gallop up the stairs into your room. You frantically lock the door behind you. When you turn back inside, you have to clamp a hand over your mouth to stifle the scream. Basil is lounging on your bed, pretending to smoke a cigar.
"Where have you been?" he asks, twinkling. "I let myself in - hope you don't mind."
"How...?"
"There was a trick to the trap door, just as I thought. Seeing the way the joints moved in the hidden passage made me think of it."
Well what if you were wrong?"
"Then you would have had to open the trap again. You did it once. You're a hefty girl."
You're not quite sure what he means by hefty, but it isn't the time to compare definitions.
"Look," he says in a more serious tone. "I've put you in danger by bringing you here. There's obviously something strange, to say the least, going on in this house. Now, I'm going to stay and figure it out. But I want you to go back to Edinburgh. I'm going to see you off at the train station tomorrow morning."
"But then I'll never know..."
"We'll have dinner when I get back to town and I'll tell you what I've found out. It's too dangerous for you to stay here."
He really wants you to go. You tell him you'll think about it. He kisses you on the forehead and pulls the ruby glass doors closed behind him until they click into place. He whispers through the crack for you to lock them. It's impossible to fall asleep--- you just keep staring at the nose on the nightstand.

Will you go along with Basil's plan and allow him to take you to the train in the morning? After all, Basil may be involved for all you know. Chose 'A'.

Leave? But you're feeling like Indiana Jane. And you're lusting for more Edgar Allen Poe-style high jinx. You won't feel at peace until you see those paintings in the hands of the authorities and you're BOTH safely away from Castle Rackrent. Chose 'B'.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Part XIII

2011-04-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

"Do not panic," Basil says steadily, squeezing your hand.
"What? Why? Who?..." you stutter.
"I don't know. But it didn't close on its own, did it. The thing weighs a ton. That doesn't matter right now. We need to find a way out of here."
You climb the ladder and start hammering on the underside of the stone. Basil drops the flashlight and climbs up the ladder beside you. He grabs your fists and tries to calm you down. Granted, you aren't handling things very well.
Finally, you're calm again. He grabs the flashlight and asks, "Do you really think the person who just took the trouble to lock us down here is going to let us up again?"
"I suppose not."
"We have to find a way out. It's a maze down here. Here, you take the flashlight, I'm going to walk forward an try to find a door or a window. You shine it in my direction. There's got to be something, somewhere."
You want to believe there might be, but the chances seem grim. To your amazement, he soon uncovers two barred windows and a hopelessly sealed-up door. Pry as you might, it isn't budging.
"Someone's taken a lot of trouble to secure this space," he notes thoughtlessly.
You're already having trouble breathing. You know it's your imagination, but that might only mean you're about to die of imagination.
"The ground slopes here," he explains, "We're not really in a basement. This area has to have some relationship to the castle itself."
"A prison," you add.
"Don't be depressing. It was probably for storage, not people. That's why it's ventilated. It can't be a priest's hole, since it spans the length of several rooms. Maybe it was a wine cellar. Or part of the kitchen. It must connect to something."
You like his logic. You love it, in fact. And he's right. It's far too large a space to be a secret. You're practically running now, tripping over antique junk to keep up with him. You have to close your ears to the sounds of scrabbling rodents.
"Basil!" You've stopped short. You're pointing at a painting of three people, gathered around a harpsichord. The black checkerboard floor is a dead giveaway.
Basil comes back to you. "Looks like a Vermeer."
"It IS a Vermeer! It's called 'The Concert'. It was stolen from a museum in Boston in 1990 and is still missing."
"Well, it's not missing anymore."
"Oh my God, Basil! Look at this!"
"That's not a Vermeer is it? It's not very good."
You're both looking at a loose beachscape, with a sketch quality to it.
"It IS very good. It's a Monet. It's called 'Marine.' Don't you remember? It was stolen from a museum in Brazil. The thieves took advantage of a passing parade and disappeared into the crowd with a Picasso, a Dali, a Matisse, and this."
"Could this be the Matisse?" he asks.
You gasp. "Luxembourg Garden!" It's even more beautiful than you'd have imagined.
"So, now we know why we aren't supposed to be down here. These people are serious criminals. Doesn't bode well for our escape, does it."
You're so engrossed in the paintings, you momentarily forgot about your predicament.
"You're right," you agree, shivering again.
"Let's keep looking."
It's over an hour before he spots something. It's a tall outline... a door. It isn't sealed with cement, only nailed over with planks. As soon as you shine the light on it, Basil begins to throw himself against the door. You hear him making injured noises, and see him wincing at each renewed heave. A rusty nail or two has caught him on the sleeve and torn his jacket. Blood is beginning to show through the tan fabric.
"Basil, you can't keep doing that," you panic.
"Got to," he groans, slamming into the door again. There's finally a noise, from the door this time. Encouraged, he backs up and makes a running start. You cover your face. More splintering. You drop the flashlight and meet him at the far wall. The door of you begin to run and simultaneously throw yourselves against the door. With a grinding crack, it opens. You are back in the parlor, laying on the floor in front of the fire. A panel in the wall has opened and it's still revolving. Just before it reunites with the wall, Basil rushes inside it. It grates back into place, leaving no sign behind. Now, you are just a lone person, lying on the floor of the parlor.
"What's happening in here?" Lady Rackrent asks, rushing in breathlessly.

You are reluctant to confide in Lady Rackrent, harmless though she may look in that ridiculous moo moo. It'd be easy enough to and say you tripped on the andirons. If Lady Rackrent's involved in the art thefts, you certainly don't want to confide in her. Chose 'A'.

But if you really can't compose yourself in time, maybe you're more inclined to blurt out what just happened. You don't really think she is involved in the thefts. Chose 'B'.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose - Part XII

2011-04-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

Finally Naked! You rinse the soapy debris of three days into the sudsy lather of the bubble bath and pat yourself dry by the fire. You can still hear Lady Rackrent's off-pitch singing through the doors, but you're not bothered. Maybe she'll lose her voice and subsequently have less to say at dinner. You hope the old bird will fall asleep early, so you can show Basil that hole in the floor.
SO the black dress with peach ruffles must be in one of those boxes, since you've been commanded to wear a gown. You're feeling a little like a kept woman, or a geisha girl-- and the feeling is actually quite nice. You open a box... ah! The black dress. You dance with it, circling the rug. You feel like a different person. A clean person. Basil, waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs, gives a wolf whistle.
"Where's your sketchbook?" he asks, suddenly all business.
You run back upstairs and grab it. Basil shows you into the parlor where Lay Rackrent is stretching her hamburger-textured legs out on a chaise lounge. The nose is on an ornate table between the two coaches. You sit beside Basil and pretend to contemplate the nose studiously. Lady Rackrent wants to know what you think of her nose.
"Well," you laugh, "It's clearly the finest severed nose I've ever seen."
Lady Rackrent seems satisfied. She makes it clear that she believes the nose has great value. And even if it doesn't, she's determined to return it to the owner's face. Basil shows her your work from the Royal Museum. She marvels over your sketches; particularly fascinated by the floating noses in the margins.
"Super, my dear," she drools,flipping. "Super..."
"Califragilisticespialidocious?" you offer.
"Indeed," she nods, not listening. "My dear I would like to commission you."
"Commission me?" you parrot. You've had just about enough bizarre commissions for one vacation.
"Yes. I want you to paint my portrait. I will pay handsomely of course. I will wear my pink hat and I would like my poor deceased Grover," she points to a stuffed ferret, "to appear quite lifelike on my lap. Will you do it?"
You're mute. But she takes your silence for agreement.
"Wondrous!" she squeals.
Two Rays enter. At least that little mystery is solved. There are twin Ray/Roys. You feel that the stars are aligning and the universe is falling back into order. Roy and Ray show you into the dining. It dwarfs you to the size of an ant. There are already rolls and shrimp cocktails at your three setting. Lady Rackrent stuffs two shrimps in her mouth at once and spits out the tails. She wants to know when you will start her portrait.
"In the morning."
Basil coughs.
"I mean the afternoon."
Lady Rackrent doesn't awake in the morning, so the afternoon suits her just fine. She's so pleased with you, she insists that you keep the nose in your room. For inspiration. One great work of art can inspire another, she believes. You cordially agree and accept he nose. It's also a wonderful knife rest.
As soon as dinner is over, Lady Rackrent, with an ostentatious display of fatique (and ham) announces she's going to rest for her sitting the following afternoon. The second she leaves, you and Basil turn to each other eagerly.
"What are you doing now? Do you want to work with me on the nose?" Basil asks.
"I forgot to tell you!" you squeak, "I found a trap door in my room!"
You win. Basil runs for his flashlight and the two of you tiptoe upstairs. The yawning black hole is still open, just the way you left it. Basil hurls himself down the stairs and then reaches up a hand you help you down. He flashes the light around the massive cellar space. You shiver.
"I just got such a bad feeling about this," you tell him, one foot on the ladder to retreat. As the flashlight beam illuminates the corners of the room, you are seeing a graveyard of junk. Rusted garden tools, broken bicycles, busted statues... "Statues!"
"Exactly," Basil agrees, focusing the light on a travertine god with no nose. "GO get that nose!"
You shimmy back up the ladder and into your suite. You grab the nose off your bedside table and scurry back down into the pit.
"You can do it," he says, graciously.
"No, I want you to," you say, handing him the nose. "It's your project. I'm painting Grover."
Excited and boyish, he grabs the nose. You make a drum roll while he hand reaches with exquisite slowness toward the face. Then footsteps. The sounds of rocks scraping. And the trap door falling back into place.
"It doesn't fit," he says, in the near blackness.
"Basil!" you scream. "We're trapped!"

Nice one. Tomorrow you'll find out whether you've survived long enough to warrant another installment.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose-- Part XI

2011-04-23T01:18:00.000-07:00

Suite at Rackrent

You are baffled as to how the Adams Family butler got your bag to your room before you. He didn’t pass you on the stairs. But, forget that. Your suite is fantastic! Fantastical is a better word. The stone floors are scattered with jewel-colored Persian rugs. Massive wooden buttresses cut across the ceiling, and a gossamer canopy spills from one of the beams like a turquoise waterfall behind the massive oak bed. There are actually a set of stairs beside it, which you will certainly need. Built-in bookcases line all four walls, even framing the fireplace. The bird-of-paradise wallpaper starts far up the wall, where the bookcases end. The double doors between your bedroom and bathroom are paned with ruby-colored glass.
“Excuse me, Madam,” the butler/driver startles you. He deposits the boxes from your shopping adventures on a low table.
“I’m sorry, but do you have a name?” you ask. “I feel strange not calling you anything.”
“Calling me, Madam? There’s a bell on the mantle…”
“Addressing you, I mean.”
“Roy, Madam. The name is Roy.”
Easily enough to remember. Not a Jeeves or a Raffles, or Baffles or Ruffles. Just Roy. He bows and exits, closing the doors behind him.
A library ladder is propped up against one wall. You can see there’s a track on which you can hook and slide the ladder. You can that on top of the bookcases, there are numerous bell jars containing taxidermy animals—it’s a virtual menagerie of stuffed birds and forest folk, who seem to be pausing simultaneously in the act of collecting nuts, sparring, foraging. You get the sensation that time is standing still. Will the presence of all of those bared canines affect your sleep? Will you dream of your travertine god fighting with a mongoose or a pterodactyl? Shivering, you glance to the table and wonder which of the boxes your black dress is in. You can hear some overindulgent singing wafting up from below—no doubt Lady Rackrent. As she sings, the bell jars rattle on the shelves and suddenly the room seems alive; the perfectly-preserved creatures might very well liberate themselves at any moment from the library shelves.
“Here you are, Madam,” a voice says behind you.
“Oh! Christ, Roy. You startled me.”
“Ray, Madam.”
“Sorry. I mean thanks.”
He deposits two more boxes on your bed and closes the doors behind him. Your heart is hammering so wildly, it might tear a hole through your tweed jacket. You’re shaking terribly. You ball up some firewood and ball up scraps of a newspaper you have no intention of reading. Fire devours the newspaper the moment you light the match. Probably you should have rung for Roy. Ray. But he’s so—startling. It burns beautifully. The hearth is an inferno. So why are you still shivering? You stop again to collect more wood from the pail and notice something odd; there’s a weird cut-out shape hiding beneath the rug. You lift the corner of the rug and spot a mismatched square stone in the otherwise slab floor. The stone has a brass circle pull on it. The hardware looks ancient and the stone looks like a back-breaker. But could this be a trap door?
You can’t help yourself. You grab the ring and pull. Then you realize you’ll need to stand to get leverage. Standing, you yank the stone as mightily until it gives—at the very moment that several of your vertebrae reposition themselves in your spine. You’re in pain, but you’ve done it! You’ve discovered a trap door. You snatch the candle from the little shepherdess statue and shine it into the cavern. All you can see is steps.

Can you stomach another slippery descent into the netherworld? If your curiosity can’t wait… and you trust the look of that trap door, then hold that candle tightly and down you go. Choose ‘A’.

But wait a minute. If you wait to tell Basil about your discovery, then he’ll surely want to come and you won’t have to go alone. Nor will you have to take a candle when he’s got a flashlight. That’s what you’ll do… you run the bath water and dance around in a lather of anticipation. Choose ‘B’.

The Adventur of the Travertine Nose-- Part X

2011-04-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

Castle Rackrent

The village of Bantry looks like a postcard. Now that the unnerving driver is in the front seat, and all you can see of him are his eyes in the rear view mirror, you’re feeling rather excited.
“Will we go out for a pint tonight?” you ask brightly. The site of all the easel boards propped on the cobbled lanes gives you the idea. You pass a woolens shop, a baker, a bookstore. “We will come into town, won’t we?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Basil says dully, deflating you.
“Why not?” you pout like a spoiled child.
“I mean we will, but maybe not tonight, love. We’ll probably be entertained by Lady Rackrent. You can impress me by wearing your best dress tonight.”
That also sounds quite good to you. You’re suddenly glad that Basil egged you on to get those frocks. This seems like just the sort of evening wherein you’ll be sitting around a long, awkward table, Lady Rackrent at one end, hollering witticisms to one another over the barricade of smoking platters. Maybe in Wodehouse style, someone will be bumping around at night, attempting to steal a family heirloom or a compromising diary page from someone else’s room. The whole thing will be botched and you’ll all end up standing around a polar bear rug, rumpled and wrinkled in your pajamas when the lights come on and the bungling burglar turns out to be the visiting cousin who’s tripped on the polar bear rug. How charming that would be—a little intrigue.
Castle Rackrent is a couple of miles from the village. It does seem rather like Castle Dracula as you make your approach. The sky is suddenly silver and ominous, casting long, threatening shadows over the verdant lawns. A narrow stone wall leads up to the castle, snaking over the moat, which is more like a lake than a moat. It is a tall, narrow building, heavily fortified, with crenelations all along the roof.
“Oh my paws,” Basil notes, “I hope they haven’t got a catapult up there or we’re finished.”
You don’t quite like the remark. And you’ve never seen a drawbridge in action. Instead of charming you with its antiquated mechanism, it makes you nervous. You duck while the car passes under the stone arch. The bridge snaps shut behind you like a trap door.
“I wonder if Captain Hook left any crocodiles in the moat,” you joke, trying to sounds as light as Basil, but your voice gives a telltale waver.
“It’s quite alright, my dear,” Basil assures. “You are a trusting soul.”
It’s nice of him to notice. After all, you were penned up in a museum crypt with this stranger-- only hours after you were robbed of all your earthly possessions. Maybe you are a little too trusting. Or maybe you’re just a great adventurer. That sounds better.
The ghoulish looking driver hurries to open the door for you. You stop out into a square courtyard flanked by four turrets. In your orange tweed jacket (Basil’s choice), you feel like the lady of the manor. Pairs of swans are noodling around the moat, and a darling collie comes to greet you. A plump woman (and that’s kind) appears in the gigantic doorway decorated with comic gargoyles. Her hair is knotted on top of her head like fresh mozzarella. She wails when she speaks, like an operatic diva.
“Here you are, doctor! It’s right here in my hand!”
The woman is obviously insane.
“This is Darby Hemming,” Basil says, gesturing to you.
Instead of shaking your hand, the woman uncurls the fingers of her fat fist and reveals a travertine nose. You’re not acting when you try to appear awed.
“Darby, this is Lady Rackrent.”
You curtsey stupidly, still staring at the nose. Your brain is already trying to attach it to the noses you sketched last night. When Basil drops the nose into his pocket, Lady Rackrent acknowledges you properly.
“My family is seven times removed from the Royal family, my dear. If it weren’t for those people in between, I would be Queen, you see.” You do see… Lady Rackrent is out of her mind. “Don’t fuss, my dear. You needn’t bow. Unless you’d like to.”
The ghoulish driver whispers into your ear. “You’d better my, lass.”
The entrance hall is astonishing. Chandeliers the size of Ferris wheels, with twice as many lights, hang from the ceiling. The ceiling is so far away, it might as well be the evening sky you’re looking at. A double staircase leads to a long gallery on the next landing. The gallery is lined with exotic potted plants, and it smells like a chapter out of Arabian Nights. A series of vases and alcoves house little nude statues, all of which have noses.
“Your room, my dear is to the left. And yours, my dear doctor, is to the right.” Lady Rackrent points to the opposite side of the staircase. “Dinner is in one hour and twenty-two minutes. We will talk about the nose over duck.” She turns and retreats downstairs.
“Do you want to cross-reference the nose with me now,” Basil asks?

Do you want to cross-reference the nose now?! You haven’t showered for two days. You have a delicious suite waiting for you and a bath that’s probably the size of the Titanic. You want to removed the debris of travel, and appear at dinner looking like a real lady. Choose ‘A’.

Bath? You’ve come this far smelling like a walking pigpen. You really couldn’t care less how you look for dinner. You’re going to look at the nose for the next hour and twenty-two minutes. Choose ‘B’.

The Adventure of the Travertine Nose-- Part IX

2011-04-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

To the Highlands

Basil’s relief shows on his face when you hop out onto the doorstep before he knocks. You were watching for him from the morning room window with a sausage roll in one hand and a coffee in the other.
“So, where’s your stuff?” Basil asks.
You frown deeply and pointedly at him.
“That’s right. That’s right. It was late last night, cut me a break.” Instead, you hand him your coffee as you walk in the direction of Princes Street. “Is that smell you?” he asks.
You realize that, being an archeologist, his social skills may be primeval. You frown at him again.
“I mean, what is that unusual bouquet?” he amends.
“It’s called ‘Eau de Traveled-Overnight-and-Then-was-Robbed-of-Everything-and-Kidnapped-to-a-Dusty-Museum-Where-I-Was-Made-to-Draw-Noses-All-Night’. Kicky, isn’t it?”
“Tangy,” he agrees.
Princes Street is already a hornet’s nest of shoppers. Although you are a rabid antiquer, clothes shopping is something you’re always had to be in the mood for. And you’re not. Happily, Basil keeps pulling things off the rack and saying ‘What about this?’ Amazingly, he’s choosing some really lovely things. Skirts and dresses. You aren’t someone who typically wears skirts or dresses, but the lovely, Liberty prints are dancing with the promise of spring. Without consulting you, he adds a pair of Etruscan-looking hoops at the counter.
“Your thingies have holes, don’t they?” he asks, peering at your ears, and exhibiting an utter lack of women-talk. “Shoes! You need shoes! You can’t wear those sandals all the time; we may find ourselves in some murky places.”
You inform him that, while you’ve lost all your clothes, you do have your purse and your credit cards, but he won’t hear of it-- he is so absolutely sure that you’ll both be rolling in Lady Rackrent’s money soon.
“Basil!” you have to shout, to shoo him away from the hats. “I need some other things, if you know what I mean.”
His mouth drops open into an ‘O’, and he drags you next door, into a lingerie shop. He discreetly sinks onto a brocade sette and flaps open the newspaper. When you emerge from the dressing room, he springs up to the counter to pay.
“Anything else?” he asks, seemingly enjoying the novelty.
“No, nothing.”
“Nothing?” he asks. “Are you sure? What about a shower cap?”
“No.”
“Curlers?”
“What year do you think this is?”
“Perfume?”
You make a mean face.
He shrugs and unzips the suitcase he’s bought you. Carefully, as though he’s working through a Byzantine crypt, he arranges all your bags inside. Your train for Bantry Bay is already on the platform at Waverly Station. The conductor’s giving his last warning whistle and the porters are slamming the doors. Basil hurls your suitcases aboard. He physically lifts you onto the train as it begins to move. As a result of his gallantry, he has to run and hop onto the train like James Bond in order to catch up with it. You’re a nervous wreck for a moment, until he arrives in your cabin with a travertine godlike bound, and pulls the swinging door shut behind him.
“I’m too old for that, I fancy,” head admits, mopping his forehead with a handkerchief. Basil produces two first-class tickets (his and Margaret’s) when the porter appears. Soon after, the catering cart comes clattering up the aisle and Basil buys eight bottles of wine, six bacon sandwiches, two salads, and four bags of chips.
“Oh! And two Battenberg’s,” he adds. Then turning to you, “Do you think this will tide us over for a couple of hours?”
You roll your eyes. “I think this is enough to give us indigestion for a couple of weeks.”
He tears the plastic off his sandwich like a jackal approaches a rabbit carcass. “Which one?” he asks, holding out on unread Agatha Christie and a catalog from the British Museum.
You snatch the Agatha Christie. It’s the one about Miss Marple and the murder on the train. You’ve read it ten times at least, but eleven is your lucky number. Without any warning, Basil falls asleep; his heavy head finds the space between the seatback and the window. After a few spasmodic twitches and the repetition of a word that sounds like ‘crumpet’ he is in a very deep sleep.
You’re exhausted, and you should fall asleep too, but the thrill of the adventure has you ridiculously keyed up. How can the sight of grazing sheep and horses wearing plaid blankets be so thrilling? Everytime you spot a castle high up on a hilltop, you have to wake Basil and show him. To his credit, he appears to be excited, every time. When you hit a very long tunnel and the view is nothing but the reflection of your tired-looking face in the black window, you reach for the sketchbook sticking out of Basil’s open valise. You slip it out gingerly, and flip backward; admiring the paintings he’s made. You find a series of small landscapes: a garden in the rain hemmed in by a rustic fence…grey water lapping a rocky shore with wooden boats gently knocking each other…a village church at dawn atop a steep, crooked street… the exterior of the Sleeping Bee… the statue of the mounted rider holding his flag, opposite the Sleeping Bee. He must have done those on his way to get you that morning.
‘Did he really do all these?’ you mumble aloud, flipping through a series of vignettes. ‘St. Mary’s in Rye’, you say, recognizing the bell tower. He’s used every color in the paintbox to capture the swirls on a tearoom carpet, and a thousand shades of brick red to paint rectories and farmhouses. He seems to have invented a crimson that is reserved for rowboats and smoking jackets. And the walnut brown he used for the rat terrier! You are stunned. You close the sketchbook quietly and return to gazing dreamily out the window.
The train wheezes to a stop at Bantry Bay and you shake Basil. The moment you alight from the train, and glance around at the lush, green hills—rugged and jagged and lovely. A lifeless-looking man who resembles a zombie in tails is standing with a sign that says ‘Castle Rackrent’.
“Here’s our monster,” Basil jokes, “Going to take us to Castle Nightmare.”
He’s laughing but you’re suddenly having abdominal cramps. You manage to smile as Basil hands the zombie your suitcases.

Basil has made the choice for you…like it or not, you’re bound for Castle Rackrent. Your next decision will come tomorrow.