The following Bible study can be used for preparing your own testimony or with a class.  This testimony model is very effective for anyone who has grown up in the church and who came to Christ at an early age. It is also useful for anyone who wishes to prepare a brief God-glorifying testimony which focuses on the work of Christ in your life to bring you to salvation.

I spent two class periods going through this lesson with the girls in my Sunday School class, and following week each of them shared a 3 to 5 minute testimony based on the Roots/Fruits model.

BIBLE STUDY:

It is valuable to prepare a brief testimony that you can share whenever given the opportunity.

1 Peter 3:15 “…but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.”

• Keep it short–3 to 5 minutes.
• Keep it memorable–no more than 2 to 3 main points.
• Keep it focused on the Lord–not on yourself.

There are many examples of testimonies on the web. The following example came up at the top of my Google search on “how to share a Christian testimony.” It was sadly similar to many other examples that I also found. What is wrong with it?

“Skeptics may debate the validity of Scripture or argue the existence of God, but no one can deny your personal experiences with him. When you tell your story of how God has worked a miracle in your life, or how he has blessed you, transformed you, lifted and encouraged you, perhaps even broken and healed you, no one can argue or debate it. You go beyond the realm of knowledge into the realm of relationship with God.” (emphases theirs, not mine)

• These statements undermine Scripture and elevate personal experience. What if my experience was that my cat turned to me and said “repent and believe the Gospel”? Our experiences need to be interpreted in the light of Scripture, and just because someone says “I experienced it” that doesn’t necessarily validate their experience. Also, and even more importantly, God has promised that it is His Word which will not return void. God uses the preaching of the Gospel–His Word–to save sinners, and we are starting off on the wrong foot if we begin with a belief that our experiences trump God’s word.

ROOTS

TRANSITION

Before the second section (FRUITS) take a moment to transition with a scripture relating to the Gospel. Even if you don’t remember your life without Christ you still know that you are a sinner who desperately needs a savior, and that you are not a good person outside of Christ. You would be going to hell if it weren’t for Christ’s finished work on the cross on your behalf. You may have come to Christ at 4 years old, but you are just as much a sinner saved by grace as the drug dealer who came to Christ late in life.

If you do remember when you put your trust in Christ you can share about that at this point. You may have a favorite scripture you would want to share at this point which illustrates God’s work in your salvation. Here are some scriptures you might use to transition from Roots (what God did in your life in the past) to Fruits (the evidence of what God is doing in your life now, through Christ).

• To illustrate that everyone has sinned, including you, and no one is righteous before God: Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”
• To illustrate that no one is saved by good works. Romans 3:28 “For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law.”
• To illustrate that Jesus died for us while we were still his enemies, saving us from eternity in hell. Romans 5:8-9 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”

The Roots section of your testimony focuses on what God has done in your life in the past to ingraft you into his family–what is your ingrafting story?

FRUITS

Matthew 7:15-20

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good[a] is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works; and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God. You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.”

What do these verses tell us about works in the life of the believer? Works do not save us, but works are the evidence of our salvation. Even the demons believe, but they do not have saving faith.

If you have ROOT you will have FRUIT.

John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

The parable of the soils in Matthew 13 shows us why we have to have both root and fruit.

Matthew 13: 1-9 “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears,[a] let him hear.”

Matthew 13: 18-23 “Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”

The parable of the soils in Matthew 13 shows us that we have to have both root and fruit. Some believers will yield more fruit than others–some will yield a hundred fold while others may only yield  thirty–but everyone who is truly saved will bear fruit. After teaching the parable of the soils Jesus goes on in Matthew 13 to talk about the weeds which the enemy sows among the wheat.

There will be some among us who will say “Lord, Lord” on the final day and He will say, “depart from me, I never knew you.” If you have root, you will bear fruit. If you are not bearing any fruit, you need to question whether you are truly rooted in Christ. We will still see traces of the old man, but we should be increasing in the fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians 5) as we grow more mature in our Christian walk.

WHAT FRUIT WILL THE BELIEVER SHOW?

Galatians 5:16-26 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.  Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,  idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,  envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

We will still see traces of the old man, but we should be increasing in the fruits of the Spirit as we grow more mature  in our Christian walk.

HOMEWORK

Prepare and share your testimony with another believer (or with your class if you are working through this together).

1) What is your ingrafting story? What has God done in your life in the past and how did He bring you into His family?

2) Transition with the Gospel: We are all sinners and no one can be saved apart from Christ. He lived a perfectly righteous life on our behalf, dying on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins to appease the wrath of a Holy God, and He conquered death by rising from the grave. Jesus will forgive all who put their trust in his finished work, and who repent of sin and follow Him. He will save them from an eternity in Hell and they will become children of God and co-heirs with Christ.

3) What is God doing in your life now, through the power of the Holy Spirit? What is the fruit of your salvation?

CC week 1, Cycle 1: OiLS, a concept from Mona Brooks’ Drawing with Children, relates to teaching the fundamentals of drawing with 5 basic shapes, which are represented in the Acronym OiLS. The O in the word OiLS represents a circle, the dot of the i is a dot, the line of the i is a line, the L is an angle and the S is a curved line. Children can learn drawing skills through these basic shapes. Week 1 of each CC cycle is has an art focus on learning the meaning of OiLS and using the 5 basic shapes to create an art project.

I plan to tie in several of our art lessons to the CC science for cycle 1. We will have memory work about the the classification of living things, cells, plants, and flowers in the first 12 weeks, as well as two nature walks in weeks 7 and 8, and learning the parts of a flower in week 11. Some of our science this cycle will include nature journaling. For Cycle 1 week 1 my class will learn how to draw flowers using OiLS. I hope to incorporate a stealthy preview of week 11 “parts of a flower” memory work as we work through the lesson, drawing petal, stamen, anther, pistil, and sepals.

This lesson is a great way to learn the 5 elements of shape in drawing, and should come in handy later in the year when we start our nature journaling. You can easily see from my drawings that I am not an artist, and I have never attempted to draw flowers using OiLS before. As a tutor I don’t need to be a professional artist, just a “lead learner” as the tutor leads students and parents in using the classical method and tools of learning. I think these drawings looked even better after I colored them in, and I was pretty proud of them!

I was using step by step illustrations from How to Draw Flowers by Levy as a model. In drawing these flowers there are many opportunities to incorporate circles, dots, straight lines, angled lines, and curved lines. I haven’t colored mine in yet but I plan to pick a few favorite flowers to draw and leave some time in the lesson for coloring them in. So far my favorites are the iris, aster, buttercup, daffodil, carnation, zinnia, and sunflower.

Molly’s dad took this “selfie” a few hours before his accident.

This guest post from my husband David really blessed me!

August 4th.

A day my wife and I shall mark for the rest of our lives.  A day like any other day, except that for us, in years past, it has brought the pain, tears, and joy that mark the beginnings of new life.

R.C. Sproul Jr. was on to something about life and how to live when he stated, “Our fathers knew well that you don’t only live once. You live at least three times. You live your life here on earth. You live in eternity. And you live in and through the generations that follow you.”

We will each live our life here, our never-ending new life in eternity, and finally we “live”, in a fashion, through the generations that follow us.  Who they are will reflect who we were, in a definite–albeit altered–way.

August 4th has served to mark the transition to new life for my family in years past, and so we commemorate it.

 August 4th, 2011

My father-in-law was suddenly ushered into glory in Northern California as he motorcycled back to his home in Arizona after a pleasure trip to Alaska.  He came to Christ late in life (after my wife was grown). He was a joyful Christian, fervent in his faith, and he spoke about Christ to everyone, openly and without fear. On that beautiful August 4th day he entered his reward fully and began experiencing a new life that is beyond our imaginings. He lives now in eternity.

 August 4th, 2012

Chang Ai Lu was born somewhere near Changzhou, China. She was born with the obvious physical imperfections of a cleft lip and palate and was abandoned by her parents one day later.  In her parent’s final act on her behalf, she was left warmly dressed in a box outside a local government building where she would likely be found quickly–and in God’s providence, she was. August 4th represents the only day she spent with her biological family.  After more than a year in an orphanage, she was given the new name of Margaret, and a new life in our family. She is now an American citizen and a beloved daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, and cousin. She will, Lord willing, spend the next many August 4ths just as she did today: celebrating with the family that chose to love her and traveled across an ocean to claim her.

 August 4th, 2014

As R.C. Jr. stated, we live through the generations that follow us. Our eldest son will spend much of this day packing up his room to head off to his new life in Jackson, MS.  His room is full the memories and memorials of his childhood life: trophies won, camp wristbands, birthday gifts received, and the like.  It’s a museum to a life that is now behind him and a mile-marker which points to the life ahead.  If God ordains a “normal” course for him, he will live on past his parent’s days, get married, and raise a family of his own.  He, along with the rest of our children–and all their offspring–will be the bulk of our physical legacy to this world, should The Lord tarry.  They are also likely the bulk of our spiritual legacy here.  We gave our son the Gospel at an early age and endeavored to raise and disciple him in The Lord.  God gives strength to the young and we pray he will be used greatly by the Lord.  In this way, our lives will yet speak through our children, long after we are gone.

There is nothing magical about this day for us, but there is something special.

It is a day for my family to stop and reflect on our lives, what we are living for, and the choices we make each day.

What we are doing right now will matter forever. 

Perhaps those who read this need such a reminder. I know we do, and God has ordained that we get it, etched into our calendars every year on August 4th.

Guest post from my husband, David Evert

My family thoroughly enjoyed attending our first graduation event of the year last night. I found the parental exhortations to the graduates to be quite interesting. Many parents spoke of the need to find friends who truly love Christ and the graduates were encouraged to get involved in positive groups on campus.

The central message seemed to be, “You become like your friends so choose your friends and those you ally with wisely. They will have a great impact on you.”

These thoughts resonated with me, particularly since I just finished reading Alex Chediak’s book Preparing Your Teens for College. Chediak said something similar in a recent interview on the Ligonier website: “Socially, our teens must understand that close friendships have a profound impact on their character (Proverbs 13:20). Therefore they ought to be formed with care.”~Alex Chediak

When Molly and I look back on our college experience we can see the truth of this. Despite the amount of time spent in class it wasn’t our major field of study or the professors who taught us that had the most profound impact on us. Those who influenced us most were the friends we chose to spend our free hours with. The impact of those friends reverberates to this day.

In our case it was generally for the good, but we all know sad situations where unwise friendships did not lead to the young person’s good. In each case they couldn’t see the peril of the path they were on until they reached a dark place.

Our relationships in this world so closely follow the classic Christian book Pilgrim’s Progress. There is a major difference, however. In the book you can tell a person’s character by their name. “Faithful” is obviously a good companion for Christian to walk with, while “Hypocrisy” is a companion he should avoid. Sounds easy, right? The problem for Christian is that he doesn’t see it. The reader can see the character of Christian’s companions plain as day but Christian has to figure it out for himself as he goes along. The same is true for us and this poses challenges.

As I heard this theme expounded upon last night I couldn’t help but think that this is a message for us all. Yes, it is extremely timely for the graduates who have to form friendships in a new location. But I would argue it is just as important for our younger teens who are preparing to enter High School. They will also be shaped by those they choose to befriend.

It is also a message for us “older folks”. We might laugh at the thought of being influenced by “peer pressure” in the same way our 14-year-old or 18-year-old selves were. It is true, in many ways we are beyond that.

However, as an adult we must admit that the consequences of walking with and identifying with those who do not love the truth are even more dire. I cannot seem to go much more than a year without hearing about adultery and divorce touching the life of someone I care about. Those things don’t happen without adults making unwise relationship choices which likely appeared benign at first. Lacking wisdom in the relational area of life is just as devastating, if not moreso, to adults who should know better.

Young or old, the friends we choose also say something about us. Are we choosing to spend our time with those who are passionate for the Lord? If we are not, we must consider the possibility that despite our words we may yet love this world a bit too much.

If we do not strive to be close with those who sharpen us (Proverbs 27:17) we may be tempted towards compromise with the world or to “coast” and live our Christian lives on “yesterday’s faith” and “yesterday’s victories”. We can become Christian versions of the stereotypical star high school athlete who thinks his glory days are all behind him and who has nothing going of note for himself today, nor dreams for the future.

Of course the truth for the Christian is that our “glory days” are all ahead of us.

Like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress we journey towards a better kingdom than this one. Our choice of companions will go a long way towards helping or hindering us in our spiritual progress as we journey towards that final and glorious destination.

“Let those be thy choicest companions who have made Christ their chief companion.”~Thomas Brooks

A bridal shower is a special opportunity to cover a new bride with loving prayer.  My church holds a bridal prayer shower whenever someone is getting married.

Ask the bride for any specific requests she has.  Then read each of the following prayer points aloud, and ask for a volunteer to pray for each request.  After each request has been assigned, pray through them as the Spirit leads.  The Bride-to-Be will feel showered, indeed.

Pray for her relationship with her husband-to-be for pre-marital counseling sessions, for clear communication, for unity and for grace as they approach their wedding day.

Pray for her relationship with her parents, as she “leaves and cleaves,” moving physically and emotionally from her parents’ home into her husband’s.

Pray for peace and a godly attitude as she finalizes wedding details.

Pray God’s blessing on her womb, that she would be fruitful.  Pray that the Lord will prosper her husband’s work.  Pray that they will be given opportunities to minister together, and that the Lord will use them in a mighty way to accomplish the work of His Kingdom.

Pray scripture, such as Proverbs 31 and 1 Peter 3, for her.  Speak these words of truth and grace into her life, praying that the Lord would bring her to maturity in Christ, that she would be a fitting help mate to her husband and that God would be glorified in her Christ-like service as a wife and mother.

Pray for the various stages of her life: that God would give her patience and gentleness as a young mother, that He would help her to train and guide her children wisely during their teen years, and that her relationship with her husband would grow stronger and richer with each passing year.  Pray for her as she ages, that her children will “arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”  Pray that she will leave a godly legacy for her children’s children, and that God would pour out His love on her family for a thousand generations (Exodus 20: 6).

*This post was first published on Mentoring Moments for Christian Women.

In her post about college yesterday Natalie Klejwa went after a few verses that many Christians point to as “crushers” to show definitively why Christian young people should not attend secular universities. I think these well-meaning and loving brethren honestly believe, in good conscience, that these verses should end the debate once and for all.  Natalie did a wonderful job pointing out why they don’t, and why these verses fail as proof texts for prohibition.

In the absence of proof texts, we are left to make many of our decisions guided by what some refer to as “wisdom principles.”

Wisdom principles represent the sum total of how we believe the Bible applies to the choices we face regarding issues that are not specifically and directly spoken of in Scripture. How should we educate our children? Where should we work? Jeans or prairie skirts? In the absence of a proof text stating “thou shalt not eat fast food” we are left to read the Scriptures broadly and deeply and decide how they influence what we will serve for dinner tonight.

We all make choices based on wisdom principles every day—and so we should. But it can get sticky when there is no clear scriptural injunction and your “wisdom principles” don’t jive with mine.

Therefore, I can not say to a friend “Thou shalt not hand thy children over to the public school” in the same way that I could say “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” I may believe it is unwise for her to do the former, but I have to admit (reluctantly—LOL) that there is no chapter and verse in Scripture which is definitive on this point.

I may personally believe it is unwise to put your 6-year-old in public school, but as a humble “Wemmick” I have to remember that I am fallible in the way I apply and understand wisdom principles, particularly when I am applying them to someone else’s life.

I think I know what is right and wise, and I am living accordingly—but I still regularly question myself when it comes to the wisdom principles I am living by. After all, I have changed my position on many things over the past couple decades—some things I formerly thought were “wisdom” look pretty foolish to me now.

My belief in the sufficiency and inerrancy of Scripture has never changed, but my understanding of how to apply God’s Word to my life has deepened. I ask the questions not because I don’t trust God or His infallible Word, but because I do not trust my own heart, knowing I am but dust.

We want everything to be right or wrong, black or white, when in reality many decisions defy absolutes. I told you it was sticky.

And we don’t like sticky. We like to be right. We like for others to be right just like we are, by holding the same beliefs we do—or else we like them to be wrong. We don’t feel comfortable when godly people make decisions that are different than ours. It makes us feel unsafe, especially when it comes to our young adult kids making decisions about their own lives and futures. Our job as parents is easier and more comfortable if our children adopt all our wisdom principles as Gospel Truth.

Christians are each responsible to live according to their understanding of the Scriptures and God’s calling when it comes to wisdom principles—and many will unwisely fail to look for and discern wisdom principles, and their lives will be the worse for it. The danger comes when we try to hold others to live according to principles where there has been no definitive Scriptural injunction, assuming that our understanding of “what is wise” trumps others’ understanding of the same.

As Wemmicks we can also be prone to cling tightly to our wisdom principles while giving ourselves unwarranted latitude on Scriptural injunctions. That’s why we allow ourselves to indulge in that little bit of gossip about the person who is acting contrary to our wisdom principles.

Now does all this mean that I am saying we cannot share what wisdom we feel we have been given? By no means. Share away! I have been helped by many brothers and sisters over the years who shared things that I now believe are godly wisdom.

However, as we do so, let’s consider which hills we are willing to die on. On issues where Scripture has clearly, distinctly, and definitively spoken we should fight til the last breath. Grace, care, and humility should abound when we wrestle together over hills that don’t meet that threshold.

We should be gracious to others who might see things a bit differently. They could, after all, have a point which we would do well to consider for ourselves. At the minimum we should be willing to concede that someone who makes a different choice than we do could still be living according to God’s will for them—rather than mentally placing them lower than ourselves along our “holiness continuum.”

Where there is disagreement our natural tendency is to think that God brought this up so that our sister can learn from us, however the truth may well be that the Lord intends for us to learn some of His wisdom from them. When iron sharpens iron, both blades are honed.

*Originally published at Visionary Womanhood

“The serpent is more crafty than any of the beasts of the field. He attacks while retreating, retreating while attacking. He concedes this point, all the while making that point. He is both a tar baby and quicksilver. And we are fools for forgetting it.”–R. C. Sproul, Jr.

During my newlywed years my husband and I were missionaries in freshly post-communist Hungary. It was our great privilege to speak with pastors and lay people about what it was like to be a Christian there during the Communist years.

They spoke of their various personal experiences and told the stories of people they cared about. Their unique testimonies shared common threads, revealing a crafty enemy who persecutes faithful Christians.

Their testimonies were not what people write books about, and they didn’t make for glorious “martyr stories.” The Hungarian faithful weren’t often killed for their faith. Instead, they were marginalized and made an example of in society. Communist propaganda billed Christianity as a superstition for old, uneducated, rural villagers.

There was little need to “make martyrs” of the Christian faithful. The Communists believed Christianity would die off of its own accord over time. They carefully crafted an atheist nation, using three tactics which prompted many young people to disdain Christianity. While some suffered physical persecution, the more prevalent forms were far more subtle. These were their strategies to weaken Christianity in that nation:

1. Denying Christians higher education.
2. Removing Christians from positions of influence in society.
3. Relocating faithful gospel ministers to unpopulated rural communities.

And now we are experiencing the same things here in 21st century America–only in our case, more and more Christians are choosing these these things for themselves! I see disturbing trends in some Christian circles which are eerily similar to the persecution our brethren suffered under Communism.

1. There is a self-imposed rejection of higher education by a growing number of Christians.
2. Entrepreneurship is often promoted over other career choices, which could lead to a de facto retreat from any position that requires working for someone outside one’s own family. This would preclude many influential careers in government, big business, higher education, etc.
3. A movement towards homesteading is leading some Christians to relocate to extremely rural settings, thereby diminishing their gospel influence in society.

I am NOT saying that skipping college, entrepreneurship, or homesteading is wrong for any particular family. These are all matters where the principles of Christian liberty apply. What bothers me is the growing popularity of choices which could marginalize us and remove our gospel witness from the public square if they become too prevalent. That was the goal of the godless Communist government in Hungary, and these were the means they used to accomplish that goal.

In the end this trend  may be the enemy playing on our fears and attacking us along the path of least resistance.

If he cannot compromise us, he will seek to marginalize us.

In this case he may have found a way to get many of us to marginalize ourselves.

*NOTE: This post first appeared on Visionary Womanhood. It has since been removed, due only to changes in the format of that blog. This post was very controversial and set off a firestorm of comments, both for and against, as well as several follow up posts from myself and editor Natalie Klejwa. I wish I could move the whole discussion here, but I can’t transfer comments–alas! What a thought provoking discussion it was for us all….

*Originally published at Visionary Womanhood

Visionary Womanhood recently launched a new series called “Just ask the Wemmicks!” to address reader questions. If you don’t know what a Wemmick is, you can check that out here. For now, suffice it to say that YOU are a Wemmick–and so am I.

The Question:

I’m looking for wisdom in maintaining friendships for myself while homeschooling. What kind of schedule have other women found works best for them and their families? Over the past few years, I’ve found my friendships with other women to be dwindling, and I’ve been getting lonely. But with homeschooling during the day, napping babes in the afternoon, and trying to have family time with daddy in the evening, I’m just not sure how to fit my friends into our schedule. We’re in a bimonthly co-op and attend church, but now I feel like I have tons of happy acquaintances and no close friendships. Any ideas for solutions? Take more days off from schooling to be with other families? Take more evenings off to be with my friends or with other families? Get together on weekends? Invite people over in the evenings? What about my old friends who send their children to a school who prefer to get together during the day? How do others balance family time with outside friends time. I’ve been praying about this for a year, but I’m also introverted and initiating invites doesn’t come natural. What do you do?

My Take:

The homeschooling years are a busy season of life and it can be hard to find a lot of time for outside friendships. It has been important to me to maintain a few close friendships, but I have had to prioritize the most important relationships and allow others to fade.  Here are some of my strategies:

1) The relationships I prioritize are ones that are “as iron sharpens iron”. For over twenty years I have been investing time in relationships that yield a spiritual return, and those friendships have had a great impact on who I have become as a Christian woman. I don’t have time to invest heavily in friendships that are based only on having children of the same age or sharing a mutual hobby.  My limited friend time needs to be focused on women who will help me grow in Christ and whom I can also hopefully challenge and encourage. I tend to look around me and find those women who are on fire for the Lord and who share similar convictions to me, and spend my time and efforts there.  To make a friend you need to be a friend, so you’ll probably need to overcome those introverted tendencies and initiate an invitation or through acts of service.

2) “Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.”  Our family tries to observe a true Sabbath rest on Sundays, setting aside that day for worship and also for fellowship with the saints. As often as possible we try to share a meal with one or more families from church on Sunday afternoons. Our church has a monthly Sunday lunch potluck, and many families try to practice hospitality at least once a month on another Sunday.  It may take some extra work on Saturday to pull together a meal for Sunday hospitality but it is well worth it. This investment of time has born great fruit over the years for our whole family.

3) We also make a conscious effort to hang around after Sunday morning and evening services (as well as on Wednesday nights) to talk. An extra thirty minutes two or three times a week really adds up over time.

4) My husband and I joined a “supper club” 8 years ago.  There are six couples in the group and we meet once a month for dinner in one another’s homes during the school year. One month we go out to dinner and one month we have a family event, meeting for a total of 8 dinners throughout the course of the year. When we were invited to join this group I was concerned about hiring childcare once a month, but it has been a fantastic investment of our time and money. This group has become so important to us! Our supper club group is limited to just six couples–if a couple moves we invite another couple to take their spot.  We have also made it a requirement for our supper club that all couples must be Christians and home school, since those two things are the foundation of what we are all seeking in a supportive group of friends. We have tried to maintain a balance of couples from different churches so that we aren’t always talking about church at our Saturday night dinners.

5) I have found a friend who is available when I am! This is such an answer to prayer. My friend is a young wife whose husband often has to work nights. Once or twice a month I go to her house after my kids are put to bed and we talk and pray together. Many nights I don’t get there until 10 pm, but we are both night owls and it works for us! I know other women who meet at 6 a.m. to exercise together before their kids are awake.  Be creative about when you meet a friend.

6) I really benefit from some virtual friendships, too.  I know, a lot of people can get sucked into that world and they don’t have any real life friends–don’t let yourself go there! But on the other hand, I have found some really encouraging support networks on Facebook: a couple groups of fellow adoptive moms, a group for Christian home schooling moms who use the same curriculum I do, and a group for moms whose child has the same medical need that my little one does. Each group has spawned some closer relationships which provide an important source of support and encouragement for me. I live in a small town where it would be unusual to find many people that share my circumstances–but online I can find a whole group of them! Some of these online friendships have even transcended cyberspace as we have been able to meet in real life, and that has been a tremendous blessing. One word of caution: I only join groups for women as these friendships can quickly become very close.  I do not form friendships with men in real life, and I live by the same rules in cyberspace.

7) Along those same lines, I have a few close friends from my younger years who no longer live nearby.  These are the ones who I can call after weeks of silence and we pick right back up where we left off. We can’t talk every day or even every week–but when we do talk, it means SO much. Some of my closest friendships are carried out long-distance via phone, email, and the very occasional cross-country vacation trip.

8) My husband and I look for like-minded families and invest our time there. It is easier to get together if there is “someone for everyone” so to speak–a solid couple that we both get along with and some kids that can hang out with our kids.  We have a lot of kids and they span a wide age gap.  Our kids are used to spending time with others of all ages, and they enjoy when we invite other families over even if they are not all the same age.

Some of the other Wemmicks chimed in on their blogs, too.  To read how other home school moms are handling their friendships during this busy season, check out the following links:

Natalie Klejwa on Visionary  Womanhood

Marcia Wilwerding on “Finding Fellowship” at eHomebody.com