Counting Potatoes

The Perfect Last Bite

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 23:58:00 +0000

For some people, eating is much like refueling a car.. they gas up and speed out - doing whatever it is they were doing before the meal..

And yet for some - eating is an exercise in philosophy - an affirmation of life - a journey to a higher state of being culminating in the perfect last bite..

It may be the choicest chicken skin of a piece of fried chicken [chicken ass for me], bits of buttered assorted veggies with a piece of beef with gravy on top or a representative last piece of a great burger - no matter what it is, it's the summation of a meal and losing it to someone else [like someone grabbing the choicest last piece of chicken skin] could ruin the whole experience..

On deeper reflection, the perfect last bite is much like what most people envision for their lives - some call it saving the best for last such as traveling around the world with a loved companion after retirement.. Some call it the bucket list like doing the things you've always wanted to do but never got around to doing.. and yet some call it the last hurrah - a cry of defiance against mortality and time..

The funny thing is.. most people never get around to savoring their perfect last bite.. Days merge into years and the years into decades and we live our lives always thinking that there will be enough time to fix everything right for that last bite.. before you know it, its too late.. too late to undo the things you've done.. too late to work for the things that really matters in the end.. too late to heal broken relationships.. too late for change.. life, it seems, isn't much like a meal and the best that you can do is to try your best to make each and every bite as perfect as possible.. should you be lucky enough to be given time for that perfect last bite - savor it because you're one of the chosen few..

Here's to a perfect last bite for everyone.. ^^

Basic Needs

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 10:54:00 +0000

2,000 years ago to about 20 years ago, when you were asked what basic needs were.. you go.. food.., shelter..., and clothing... and that was that.. teacher gives you that attaboy look.. you feel a warm glow inside.. and we all keep telling ourselves that yeah.. just in case the world goes to the shitters.. As long as there's food, shelter and clothing, then everything's A-ok..

then again.. someone from 3000 years ago or earlier might beg to disagree.. the bushmen living somewhere in africa might go uh-uh... nope.. we might not be able to live without food.. but we can go without shelter and without clothing pretty fine.. gramps and his gramps before him went around butt naked all the time and that was fine, they sure as hell didnt need a sissy thing such as a roof over their heads too.. for them.. Basic needs are as follows... Food, food and more food... preferably those that dont bite our balls off.. so clothing and shelter? these are just additions when man became a bit more civilized..

should you ask now.. What are the basic needs? Most would probably still automatically reply.. Food, shelter and
clothing! and yeah.. We'd all think that the answer's pretty much the same.. think deeply though.. Is it?

And since clothing and shelter, as discussed above, are more of a matter of convenience than survival anyway.. one cannot be blamed if this list is stretched a little to 5 basic needs.. or maybe 10.. or 20.. the list is pretty much busted anyway.. and the fool who made it didnt even think of water, he he..

Hmm... So what do we add?

1. Toilet with flush and running water: try crapping in the dirt and wiping your ass with leaves for a month and you'll know what i mean.. And if you dont want to include this in your basic needs list, well its your ass and your crap.

2. Computer and internet: It's funny.. 20 years ago the world just got along fine without computers and the internet.. Take out these two today and it would be like cutting the heart out the planet.. Personally i think i'd go crazy within a month without a computer and an internet connection.. first and foremost.. No job.. so i'd go hungry within a month.. 2 days after that i'd probably be eating our dog.. secondly.. no investments.. bye bye websites.. that pretty much fucks up my future.. lastly, no entertainment.. no online communites to mess with.. no online video clips.. no blogs to read.. no japanese.. ehem... Mangga..

3. Cigs: most people will define time as 'before armageadon' and 'after armageodon' .. For me it would probably be ' life before cig supply runs out' and 'life after cig supply runs out'.. some people will have similar quirks.. beer.. junkfood.. sushi.. And they'll probably have their own doomsday countdown.. in any case, you'll be able to distinguish them easily enough.. they'll be the walking twitching dead.. He he

4. Electric fan/aircon: God save me from a post doomsday world without electric fan or aircon.. O_o a week without it and i'd probably be reduced to a mumbling idiot with half my brains fried.. then again.. i could find a way to catch my own slaves.. Hook a car battery up to a threadmill machine, load the slaves and power the damn things using a power inverter.. He he.. Talk about people power!:D

5. Soap: imagine a world without soap.. Imagine living everyday with that slimy greasy feeling of being unwashed.. imagine being able to smell yourself before you sleep at night.. imagine your fingernails filling with body dirt everytime you scratch yourself.. now imagine being the first to raid a mall out of all its soap after doomsday.. tell me.. Aint soap a basic need? :D

6. And while we're at it, i might just as well add fastfood to the list. I've read post armageadon novels about humans subsisting on nanopills because all the animals have died.. Or remember the matrix where humans have to subsist on slimy oatmeal like goo? Aint for me! I'd rather be one of those toasted in the fireball than be a post doomsday goo eating human.. at the very least, i hope doomsday leaves the chicken alone.. cant imagine a world without fried chicken thighs and drumsticks... and wings..

....

.....

This has turned out to be a pretty crappy list.. all the above things connotes that not pretty much have changed with the post doomsday world.. And I can still think of many more i'd like to add..

I think my list of things not included on the basic needs will be much shorter.. @.@

The Philippine Hostage Crisis Aftermath: The Search for Mr. Who Fucked Up...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 06:09:00 +0000

The Senate is at it again... 'Investigating' yet another scandal that rocked the nation recently.. the surprise here is IF this circus actually goes somewhere.. remember the ZTE scandal investigation? How bout the fertilizer scam investigation? Or the Hello Garci scandal investigation? I remember all the posturing, the righteous anger and the memorable lines... Funny... but for some reason, I cant seem to remember how it all ended.. or even if they actually did something in the end to punish those responsible.. or if they actually found the persons responsible for the scam... O_o which is weird... its like watching American Idol for weeks and the show suddenly stops before the grand final...

In my previous post, i wrote that heads should roll and that those responsible for the bloody fiasco should be weeded out.. The senate investigation however is just plain ridiculous! O_o its like watching a bad movie with several characters vying for the top spot with each senator having his/her own director and script writer.. Do they even want to solve the problem??! Or are they just capitalizing on the scandal for their own political gain??!

Because in a Nutshell.. Here's how I see the problem... We fucked up big time in front of the world particularly Hongkong.. Several people died needlessly and so others are clamoring for justice and reforms..

Anything beyond this is plain politics, mudslinging and emotions running hot..

That said..

1. What the Fuck is the Sense in Asking for our President's resignation?? O_o his ass has barely warmed up his comfy presidential seat for God's sake! And no, Im not even pro noynoy [see my election posts].. And yeah.. He does have an irritating smile.. But resolving a hostage crisis isnt his job for God's sake! Running the country is!

2. Similarly.. What's the sense in asking the presidential spokesperson to resign too??! read his title again.. Presidential... spokesperson.. He speaks for the president! i dont see anything about handling a hostage crisis in his job description??? O_o

oh look.. The house is on fire! Fire the fucking gardener for God's sake! There.. Problem solved!

3. Same goes regarding the DILG secretary.. Why oh why is the senate grilling him like he's supposed to act like fucking Rambo or Bruce Willis or something??

Why didnt you think of the TV inside bus? Why didnt you think about crowd/media control? Why werent you there talking to the hostage taker??

Well senators... That's because he's not a fucking negotiator or a tactical assault commander You Idiots! We have experts trained and being paid to do those tasks! And a senator who expects a DILG secretary to second guess the supposed experts on the ground is plain fucking stupid and doesn't deserve his or her senatorial seat. Senators should know better!

Do they even know what the job description of a DILG secretary is??? As far as the constitution goes, the DILG is in charge of training and equipping the police, supervising fire, prison, public safety and local government unit functions as well as help in the legislation of peace and security matters . These are administrative matters! [and its a pretty long list that doesnt include hostage negotiations or ground command during a hostage crisis... what a surprise].. Or do you guys expect the DILG chief to be there meddling with the experts for every fire and prison outbreak too?? O_o

Tactical command of a hostage situation isnt and shouldnt be a part of a DILG secretary's job! As it should be.. would you rather have a politician bargaining for your life or a skilled hostage negotiator? Would you rather have a politician directing ground forces or someone who actually trained for assaults? See.. Pretty senseless to be asking the DILG sec those tactical questions now right?

The question for the DILG secretary should be.. Why wasnt our police force prepared to handle this kind of situation? Why wasnt the proper equipment available? What happened to the training budget? These are the things that a DILG secretary is actually responsible for remember??!

In that case, would you rather ask that question to the DILG Secretary who has been in office for 2 months (barely) or the DILG Secretary who has just completed more than 6 years sitting in the DILG Secretary's chair and spending its budget? Ex-secretary Puno, please take the stand!

Take out the politics, take out the posturing and machismo bullshit and here are the pertinent questions that should be asked and answered...

On a Tactical Standpoint:

1. Who was in charge of negotiating with the hostage taker? Why did he lose control of the situation?

2. Who was in charge of planning and coordinating the ground assault? Why was it executed so poorly?

3. Who was in charge of the equipment used for the assault? The negotiations lasted for more than 10 hours. Any equipment in any part of the Philippines could be airlifted to Manila in less than an hour.. So where the fuck were the night vision goggles, frame explosives, bulletproof vests, gasmasks, etc???

I know we're a poor country but we're not that poor! O_o

4. Who was the one in charge of crowd and media control? Why did he allow the crowd and the media to run amok??

5. Who the fuck ordered the arrest of the hostage taker's brother - the event which destabilized the whole situation?

6. Who was the overall ground commander at the scene? Why didnt he delegate crowd and media control and equipment procurement??

On an Administrative Standpoint:

1. Why didnt we have a trained SWAT team for this kind of situation?

2. Why oh why is the Standard Operating Procedure for this kind of situation so fucked up?

3. Where did all the equipment needed to do the job right go??

4. What do we need to do to ensure this mess doesnt happen again?

5. How can we be assured that steps are being taken to remedy this situation??

Find the answers to these questions and we'll be more than halfway in solving the problem!

Which brings me back to my point.. Where did we fuck up??

First and foremost, its commendable that the ground commander has said that he takes full responsibility for the fiasco as he should.. More than anything else, the result of the hostage crisis was a tactical failure where the ground commander and the negotiator had full control of..

Considering that the president, the press secretary, the DILG secretary and the PNP chief have just taken over their posts.. Could we really blame them? Fair is fair, walk in their shoes for a mile and see if anyone could've done any differently.. If this happened 2 years from now then its an entirely different story.

Fact is, unless you're gifted with second sight, how will you know that you need to address the country's capability to respond to a hostage situation on top of the gazillion other fuck ups that the present administration has inherited?

and on hindsight.. Can we really expect those guys who stormed the bus to do any better given that they're just a product of a corrupt system where the necessary funds more often than not ends up in the pockets of corrupt politicians??

Politicians that we ourselves voted to office.. because they had the right name.. because they sounded right on television.. Because we just didnt think about our decisions hard enough..

The blame trickles down.. and shameful as it is to admit as we have all been initially blinded by emotions.. Some of it ends up on the front door of each end everyone of us..

Yes, we deserve better.. but to achieve this, WE need to BE BETTER.. better voters.. Better citizens.. Better guardians of our democracy..

Let the buck stop here.. Let us all take stock of our shortcomings as citizens of this country and ask ourselves.. Did we really deserve better on that particular situation?

More importantly...

What can we do to deserve better in the future?

... And oh yeah.. Let's nail every corrupt politician we find to the cross.. Corruption kills and they should pay the full price for their actions..

20 Ways to Fuck Up the Quirino Hostage Situation [Manila, Philippines]

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 13:20:00 +0000

1. Spend more than 10 hours sitting on your ass without asking for help from a well equipped, well trained team that could've done infinitely better!

2. Hostage taker opens bus door.. clear shot to at least disable the hostage taker .. sniper doing something else.. nice..

3. No media lockdown whatsoever.. Hostage taker has real time updates of what the police are doing should he use a portable tv, a tv capable phone, a radio or an internet capable phone. wait.. isnt there a TV on the bus too! really great.. hostage taker advantage = 10, police = 0..

talk about fanning the flames! the local media is just as guilty for the deaths of the hostages as the hostage taker in this case.. I hope there's a special place in hell for them..

4. an yeah.. while you're at it, have every tom, dick and harry from the media muddle up the negotiations by allowing them to interview the hostage taker by phone during the crisis!

5. No intel, police have no idea whatsoever how many hostage takers there are and what their firearms and positions are. directional sound recorders? infrared/thermal sights? nope.. too techie for these guys..

6. No Experts: a bus technician would've advised the police about the button that opens the door, the mechanism of the rear door, alternate entries or observation areas inside the cargo compartment, wiring blueprints that could've disabled the TV inside the bus, etc.

7. Shoot the tires of the bus where hostage taker and hostages are making the situation more desperate for the hostage taker without any clear advantage for the police. How do you plan to negotiate with the hostage taker when you've just shown your intentions??!!

8. Bring the hostage taker's brother to the scene to aid the negotiator then proceed to harass him in front of international media and within sight of the bus enraging the hostage taker and destabilizing the situation. So much for negotiations..

and when hostage taker demands that his brother be released or else.. ignore it.. sweating man on the ground is infinitely more important than man with gun and hostages on bus..

9. Make an assault on the bus with media reporting every move like its fucking pinoy big brother.. yeah right.. so much for the element of surprise too..

10. Assault the bus with no clear and concise battle plan beyond opening the door.. Really a winning combination.. let's open the door and shoot down the hostage taker.. greaaat...

11. Dont use tactical mirrors that could've avoided the scene where the cops crouched together liked scared children in front of the bus. A tactical mirror could've let the police see inside the bus without undue risk.

12. On top of that, No one bothers with controlled plastic explosives on this one to breach the bus.. No flashbangs or night vision either which could've given immense advantage to the police.. noopee.. they prefer it ala Chuck Norris style with axes and handguns..

13. Lose the element of surprise further and more valuable time by using an axe to breach the bus' windows and door.. saw a SWAT member with a beer belly trying to squeeze in the bus too.. really inspiring..

The door of a bus is designed to withstand 50Gs of instantaneous force or more. A hammer will do nothing to break it in one hit. There's an emergency lever under the bus that can be used to open the door. Nobody knew about it. Instead, they proceeded to hammer all sides of the fucking bus like it's a pinata.

14. After all the element of surprise is lost beyond all hope, dont think of shining a bright searchlight in front or side of bus to at least shed some light on the situation inside the bus and give police situational advantage because it blinds the hostage taker and lets the police see the situation inside.. but nope.. these guys would rather play pin the tail on the donkey..

15. Realize after 30 minutes that the door can be forced off by using a chain connected to a moving car..

16. Of course if they'd consulted a bus expert, they could've known that a bus door opens more easily when pushed inwards not pulled outwards. In this case, a battering ram could've done much better. as it happened, the rope snapped.. what a surprise..

17. Multiple simultaneous entries: Abandon the bright but frustratingly late idea when rear emergency door is forced open.. Apparently one open door is infinitely better than two for these police.. Two entries could've given the police a positional advantage in a firefight inside the bus but no.. One door is enough..

18. with the police having no situational advantage whatsoever, proceed to give more advantage to the hostage taker by turning on the vicinity lights.. riiiight.. have a marching band play while you're attacking the bus while you're at it too..

19. Think of the tear gas idea after a gazillion minutes of trying to hack down the bus doors with axes.. then proceed to storm bus without gas masks.. tear gas advantage nullified.. nice..

20. Speaking about the element of surprise, assault teams in this kind of situations have to assume that they only have a few seconds or a few minutes at most to take down the hostage taker and secure the place. Why? because the moment from which the hostage taker is made aware that an attack is ongoing to the time he is taken down could be spent shooting his hostages. Total time between initial assault to the death of the hostage taker = more than one hour... it was like watching a worms Armageddon game..

Luckily, some hostages lived through the nightmare.. not because of police competence, but because the hostage taker didnt kill them all even though he was given more than 30 minutes by the police to do so..

Moreover, the hostage taker wasnt asking for a billion dollars and an escape helicopter! He was asking to be given back his job and benefits! If the negotiator and the government at least gave some hope to the hostage taker that his grievances would be listened to, there would've been no dead hostages and all the advantage would switch over to the police and the government AFTER the hostage crisis!

Is this the best our country's police forces can do???!! Are these the people that are supposed to protect us???!! Was this the best plan that our vaunted SWAT team could come up with???!!! I've played harder more well thought out counterstrike games with kids no more than 10 years old!!! Please please please make someone accountable for this bloody fiasco!!

So when its not an ordinary non aircon bus, we're out of luck... o_O

or maybe... this is the real behind the scenes training... o_O

Frozen Train

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 14:59:00 +0000

A term used in the novel im reading which describes a train stranded in the middle of nowhere because everyone who's supposed to be running it have decided to just abandon it along with all its passengers..

The novel is a story about the corruption of man's values, principles and morals. It tells the tale of a corrupt world's slow but inevitable journey towards anarchy and self destruction - of how the men of mind went on strike against those who preach about self sacrifice and the surrender of reason..

Frozen train.. For some reason, this brings to mind the countless filipino nurses, doctors, engineers and teachers building their futures not on our country but on distant lands.. It brings to mind promising new graduates boarding planes to build prosperous another country. Lastly, it brings into mind the long line of brains stretching off into the far future waiting for their own turn to jump off a sinking ship..

It's the exodus of brains.. the exodus of meaningful change.. The exodus of hope and dreams.. leaving behind a country ruled more and more by the fickle mob..

Frozen train.. In the novel, the men of brains came back only after the last light was extinguished in New York.

It would take much more than that to bring our best people back.

Top 10 Predictions for 2010-2016: Noynoy's Term

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 May 2010 15:51:00 +0000

1. The practice of siesta will be included in Philippine law..

2. Ragnarok will become the new national sport..

3. Noynoy joke books will become national bestsellers second only to Erap Joke Books..

4. Proof that Noynoy has psychiatric problems will finally surface through credible sources or noynoy himself when faced with first Philippine disaster.. only GMA and ABC network will show news..

5. Philippine solution to Global Warming / Climate change will be yellow ribbon plus praying the rosary with Kris..

6. ABS-CBN + survey companies' mind control tool will be upgraded for next election in 2013. Ako ang Simula will be renamed Ako ang Simula ng Panloloko..

7. Manny Pacquiao will stop thanking the president after winning his fights.. ABS-CBN will retaliate for Noynoy by showing survey result that Filipinos expect manny to lose the next fight..

8. Noynoy will crack from pressure and Mar will become president unless Gloria becomes prime minister first..

9. Shows with Kris Aquino will be increased to 60% of ABS-CBN's shows.. magandang umaga with Kris, magandang tanghali with Kris, magandang meryenda with Kris, magandang pagtae with Kris, etc. 6 years from now, we will know everything about baby james and josh.. Including their favorite toys, food, diapers, milk, etc. Average Filipino IQ will drop 30 points..

10. Nothing whatsoever will change in next 6 years except all of the above..

God Help us All...

Pre-Election Reflections

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 01 May 2010 09:06:00 +0000

1. Survey firms denied trying to influence how the people would vote come election day. hmmm...

Well, I have news for you survey people.. [drumroll...] Your survey results ARE influencing the public. Duuuuuuhhhhhhhh!! O_o

You people above all should know that the public is bombarded by survey type advertisements everyday! It's a competitive positioning strategy! Ask those who swtiched to Colgate because 9 out of 10 dentists use this brand or those who switched to Smartbro because of the survey called the Speed Test Challenge or those who started taking Charantiya because 8 out of 10 or something Filipinos have or are at risk for diabetes.

Do they mean to tell us there's someone out there paying P100,000 per question just so we'd KNOW where the presidentiable's stand??? O_o I've heard of some pretty rich guys blowing money away buying drugs and women.. but sponsoring a survey just so we'd KNOW how things are??? O_o

If you guys insist on keeping up this 'public service', at least please let us know the methodologies you used, the accuracy of having 1800 people represent a country of 50M voters and who paid for the survey.

and why is the media playing wide eyed-innocent regarding this matter when they know very well survey results DO influence public opinion?? Hello??? i can still remember the blood and the gore that flew around during the last best TV station survey.. O_o

These blatant lies, hyprocrisies and half-truths are disgusting!

2. Comelec rejects proposal of parallel manual count of votes - says this would muddy the election process and make things a lot more complicated.

Don't these guys get it?? O_o This is not about the efficiency or simplicity of the election process for god's sake! It's a manifestation of the public mistrust of you COMELEC guys plain and simple! we've seen how you guys fucked up just about everything related to the elections what with the overpriced materials, faulty equipment and messed up ballots and we'd like to have at least a semblance of partial control over things just so the new election system doesnt buy the farm during your watch!

3. Arent we the most fucked up electorates this world has ever seen? I mean, we make the international news what with our very inspiring people powers and a few years later, we welcome back the very people we ousted or their descendants with open arms! O_o

Erap... Jinggoy... Bongbong Marcos..

Is our water supply being laced with amnesia inducing substances?? Are we really that forgetful or are we just plain STUPID?? O_o next thing you'd know, Gloria is back in power and Marcos is being hailed as the best president we ever had.. Maybe that's why our country is down in the dumps.. As soon as we do something right, we promptly forget about it and make the same mistakes again!

4. Why do our election system encourage the splurging of huge amounts of money by the candidates? I mean, can you imagine someone winning the presidency without the customary printing of a gazillion posters, streamers, flyers, stickers, and shirts? Can you imagine someone winning only through the sheer brilliance of his or her platform? the strength of character? Or the greatness of his or her track record?

By forcing our candidates to raise and gamble huge amounts of money in order to win, arent we compromising their integrity even before they step into power? Arent we forcing these future public servants into a tight corner where he will have to turn a blind eye to some illegal transactions in the future and not prioritize the people in his or her decisions as president just so he or she can repay a debt of gratitude to someone who donated for his or her previous campaign? Isnt the very structure of the election system itself a foundation for future corruption?

5. Every year, this country wails about corruption, poverty, lack of opportunities and the inneficiency of our government. Every 3 years or so, each and every one of us holds the power to change where we are heading as a nation. Each and every one of us are given the right to decide our country's future hand in hand with the responsibility of choosing those leaders well.. Every 3 years or so, the possibility of change comes... and goes...

If the recent surveys are any indication, the top 18 senators in the polls are precisely those we've already had for the past six years..

The top presidentiable in the polls.. well, if his past performance will (and should) be used as a basis.. it seems that we have to tighten our belts for yet another 6 years of stagnation..

Do you have children in school for the next six years? Are you hoping for a more competitive education, better teachers and better books for them?

Do you have a sibling about to brave distant shores in order to have a future? Are you hoping those opportunities would come here instead so nobody would have to leave home?

Are you hoping for lower utility bills? Peace and order in the country? A better justice system? A better standard of living?

Well Filipinos..

We are about to make our beds..

Let's hope we do not find it wanting when we lie down on it...

Against the Flow

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:05:00 +0000

Noynoy says that should he lose the elections, there will be a massive people power movement to protest the results.

Lets not go ahead with the elections then as its a noynoy or nothing choice. Let's just crown him king of the Philippines and be done with it.

On a related note.. Noynoy vehemently denied having any problems up THERE in his coconut shell.. Out of all the presidentiables however, noynoy was the only one who didnt want to undergo a mental exam before the elections.. O_o that's freakin' weird..

Come to think of it, IF noynoy is the best qualified person to lead our country out of this shithole.. Shouldnt he already have distinguished himself in his past jobs? Shouldnt his supposed 'greatness' and 'heroism' already have manifested itself waaay before his mother died, his popularity rating hit 60% and before he decided to run for president??? O_o

We know Gordon lifted Ologanpo out of its post pinatubo and post american occupation doldrums and received a host of international awards because of it.. We know bayani transformed marikina from a 3rd class/rape capital city to one of the best in the Philippines.. We know binay reaped rewards and recognition for what he did for makati city.. We hear of Mar Roxas playing a part in the Cheaper Medicines Act.. even Erap has the law making the Carabao as our national animal under his belt.. What of Noynoy? O_o what of his laws?... His awards?.. his achievements?.... take out all the hoopla about him being the son of Cory and Ninoy and what do you have? O_o

We at least take the time to interview yayas and see what their qualifications are before we entrust them with our children.. Do we entrust our children's future, the quality and cost of their education, the availability of jobs for them when they graduate, the peace and security of their future homes to someone who just happens to have the right set of parents but hasnt done anything in the past to show that he WILL BE capable of handling the highest office in our country??

We at least take the time to read up and learn about the features, specifications and good points of expensive products like cellphones, laptops, cars, homes, etc.. before we buy them.. well, our country's next 6 years is definitely more important than all of the gadgets above. Do we entrust the office of the President to someone who has: 1. authored 0 read ZERO laws while he was a senator, 2. received 0 read ZERO awards for all positions held previously and more importantly 3. 0 read ZERO experience in handling or making prosperous a region, city or even a BARRANGAY.

People are saying however that HE is the man for the job because he has a name to live up to, because he is the son of ninoy and cory. It's as if the presidency of Cory was the Golden Era of our country - as if the country was corruption free during those years.. as if the country's progress skyrocketed after the EDSA revolution..

If the eradication of corruption is his primary platform, why are there many corrupt trapos in his party? If our votes are decided by the probability of someone not becoming a corrupt president as opposed to someone who has the ability of leading us as a nation into the future, then a kuhol (snail) should've ran for president.. I'll vote for it.. Probability wise, a snail has a lower probability of becoming corrupt than him.

Think back really really carefully and ask yourself if post- EDSA revolution were better days.. if that's the measuring stick that noynoy plans of living up to then we might as well slit our throats now for things are gonna get really really worse..

[ps: if you happen to be a noynoy supporter and you disagree with this post, please dont use foul language, noynoy sob stories or any other drama laden lines in reacting to this post, there are already many forums and social networks for those fluff.. instead, please enlighten us non noynoy supporters with FACTS - achievements and awards he may have that we're not aware of, qualifications, experience, etc - proof that he can handle the job. Who knows, you just might convince me to give him my vote]

My Daily Symphony

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 04:02:00 +0000

Living just accross a big highschool as well as right beside a busy road can be very stressful. In fact, people who are not accustomed to the sounds of the city often find sleeping in our house a traumatic experience or at worst, an experience that can drive them to the brink of madness.

I call these sounds my daily symphony - something I take with my morning coffee (or nowadays milo), live with at work everyday and read by at night. It's not all noise from cars, tricycles and scooters even. Like music from an orchestra, my daily symphony is composed of different melodies coming from entirely different instruments.

It starts with the flag ceremony. Having a highschool just accross our house, our day begins as if we have never left school - we wake up daily to the sound of the Philippine national anthem followed by other nationalistic songs (Pilipinas kong mahal, etc) and morning prayers. Sometimes we even listen to the rantings of their irate principal over the PA system.

If that doesnt wake me up, then the sound of metal grills sliding up as the drugstore, the computer shop or the office opens up does. This goes hand in hand with the sound of the janitor or metroaid sweeping the street.

Then the kalamay vendor goes by.. "kutsiiintaaaa... kalamaaaaayyy" in her singsong voice. There's something weird about this lady though, she has been selling kalamay since i was a kid and it seems she hasnt aged a day.. O_o (twilight zone music)

Then the scrap metal/bottle collectors go by... "plastik bakal BOwwTIIIIIII!!".. There are 3 of them that go by at different times of the day but only one way of shouting their services.. must be a part of the same company.. :D

By this time there's already a considerable amount of traffic on the road and we get treated to different kinds of engine sounds from different vehicles in different states of disrepair. One by one, the parked cars join the ruckus as they head off their destinations - one of them has a faulty carburator.

Then the highschool band starts its practice. Every year, they, and we, get to learn a different song - this year it's 'Hot Stuff'. Sometimes during peak competition season, they practice all day and I could hear their music even in my dreams.

Come afternoon, parades, motorcades or processions would go by. These can be about new businesses having their grand openings or anniversaries, alumni homecomings, foundation days of schools, funeral processions or nowadays, campaign vehicles of political aspirants blaring out their songs.

'siya si nansing nansing nansing alfelor!'

or

'jojohnan ta ka!'

or

'villafuerte! Siya mahigus na congressman!'

Come night time when you'd expect things to die down a little, the drag races of naga would commence and scooters/cars with modified mufflers would start roaring down the street. Drunks would also start walking home shouting their lungs out and spoiling for a fight.

Sometimes, an air bubble would find its way to our neighbor across the street's head while drinking and he'd start ranting about how he hates priests, how he hates our barrangay captain, etc. Sometimes he'd just fight with his brother or father or mother.

Then the garbage truck would start making its rounds with its signature song 'truck ini, apunan nin basura nindo truck ini (based on the tragedy song of the beegees) and the distinct sounds of empty large trashbins being dumped on the sidewalk.

Sometime past midnight, my mind would just shut down and isolate itself from the bedlam outside. After more than 20 years living here, one find ways to cope with the situation.

Now, what's weird for me is the absence of noise. I've slept several times over at Carolina or my sister's house in Canaman and the silence, the croaking frogs, the chirping insects just freaks me out.

It's not natural... O_o

Thank God for home sweet home.. ^_^

Reflections on Historical Romances

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 10:01:00 +0000

I'm an avid reader of historical novels. Some girls I know are avid readers of historical romances. For them, there's something about the olden days that adds to the 'kilig' factor or the sweetness of romance stories. Knights and princesses.. Castles and horses, jousts and medieval parties.. Etc, etc...

One of my favorites past times is to burst these 'kilig' / romantic bubbles.. to be more precise, to scrape away the thin layer of romance in order to show what reality must've been beneath.. there's just something very fullfiling about watching their eyes go from googoo its soo romantic to wide eyed disbelief and disgust, he he he..

For instance...

A scene where the knight and the lady rides for days and make love in some secluded glade may seem romantic..

Consider though the fact that these people havent taken a bath for several days and the description - the smell of earth - about the man takes on a whole new meaning..

The smell of earth... O_o

more likely, the smell of undeodorized armpit perspiration dripping on your face as the unwashed knight humps you like there's no tomorrow.. Ha ha ha!

Now think about the unwashed smell of earth down there... O_o

The women in these historical romances are also almost always portrayed the same way... Dainty.. Long haired.. with gorgeous eyes.. beautiful..

What these novels dont say however is how hairy their armpits are! There were no shaving razors 700 years ago so i imagine these are quite bushy.. O_o i'll stick to the women of my century thank you..

Add to this the fact that most people back then takes a bath only once a year using perfumes to mask the smell of their unwashed bodies..

And the fact that people of the same household take turns using the SAME bathwater..

And the fact that by the age of 30, most people have no teeth left, women have sagging boobs, and most everyone has graying hair..

And the fact that people have no notion of bathroom tissues or any kind of ass wipe back then - carrying around remnants of their pooh around..

And you just might wonder what the hell is soo romantic about all of it? He he

Ruining googoo eyed girls' notions of historical romances is a thankless job - which is quite fine by me. He he he, it's not the thank you note im after.

Happy Marbles IV

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 01:42:00 +0000

Having read my happy marbles blog, a friend of mine reminded me of some funny memories I have almost forgotten. Some of them - like our kitten jihad stories, I found very controversial and best left forgotten ( I have no wish to become the next famous kitten sadist in the internet thank you very much). He he

Some, however, elicited a chuckle or at best a hearty laugh so i'm keeping them in my happy marbles bank - this blog.:D

Baywatch Watcher Exposed

The friend in this story lives in a house adjacent to the alley where my other friend lives. Out front is a screen door to their living room where their TV set is. As per the rules of physics or optics to be exact, when it was bright outside, you can't see what's inside the house. Conversely, when at night and the TV is on, you can see inside.

Set, Camera... Action!

We were walking by this friend's house one night when we chanced to hear the Baywatch Song (Drumroll... 'some people live in the darkness, afraid to come into the light). Now, if you're from our generation, you'd know that Baywatch was one of the favorites of adolescent boys - not because of it's stories - but because of the uniforms used by the hot women lifeguards there - red one piece bikinis that dont leave much to the imagination.. ( you could see the nipples straining against the fabric of their suits)

That got us curious.. the lights on their living room were out but we could see inside just fine because of the light from the TV..

And Lo and Behold!...

We could see our friend happily jerking off to the show's opening song! ha ha ha! What's worse is the fact that he seems to have forgotten that people passing by (and it was a busy alley )could see him in all his jerking glory! ha ha ha!

bipo!!... we taunted...

he looked up shock written all over his face and his wiener in his hand...

he he, we got the door slammed in our faces for all our trouble warning him of his free show!

Life on Fastforward

A concept me and my frat brod were developing on the way to a gathering in Pampanga. Imagine life in fast forward. He he, particularly lovelife in fastforward like what we do when watching a particularly boring movie.

Boy talking to girl, girl blushing and giggling from the attention..

Skip...

Boy reveals his feelings to girl, girl is flaterred, still blushing..

Skip...

First lovers' quarrel.. both are crying..

Skip... Skip...

Girl giving guy a blowjob.. Guy making guttural sounds.. O_o

Skip...

Doggy style...

Skip...

69, wheelbarrow, asslicking ... O_o

Skip... Skip.. Skip...

Girl already has saggy boobs...

Skip... Skip...

Guy lying down inside coffin 6 feet underground..

FINIS

it's a sick idea i know.. for some reason though, we we're laughing our assess off all the way to pampanga and back, he he he

Ultraman Exhibitionist

This is about baywatch watcher's little brother.. I don't know.. thinking about it now, maybe there's some kind of exhibitionist gene being passed on in that family.

My friend and I were sitting inside a parked LBC truck with this little kid - telling him outrageous stories about how we can transform ourselves into ultraman and magma man everynight to combat evil forces by the river (bicol river was just behind the apartment block)..

To our delight, this little kid seemed to be soaking up our lies like sponge in bathwater. He he

How do I tranform into one?! He would ask eagerly. To which we answered..

Well... you just have to stand in front of the guard over there, pull down your shorts and shout ultraman!

Ha ha ha! Whadyuknow.. He did it! Shouting ultraman bravely with his wiener hanging out for all to see!

Little minnie is grown up now, my guess is that either he's in college or has already graduated.

I wonder if he still remembers this story, ha ha ha!

Razzle Dazzle Circus

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 04:36:00 +0000

It's that time of our lives once again. Time when we get to do our little bit for democracy and get our fingers stained. Who wouldn't notice when we get a hefty dose of political ads wherever we go? In fact, it's gotten so worse that I'm already singing along most of the political jingles being aired nowadays - from jingles of presidentiables to those running for city kagawad.. O_o

Just like before though - It's mostly fluff.. razzle dazzle.. designed to embed a politician's name so deeply in our brains that we cant help but mark out their special circle on the ballots come elections.. this is especially true for senatoriables where we just HAVE (although not required to) to shade out 12 choices.

On the surface, these political ads may seem irritating or just plain stupid.. scratch the surface though and you'll see the genius behind them.. those advertising/marketing people do know how to get around our defenses using the same principles they employ in making ordinary commercials.

1. Name Recall: One of the basic rules of advertising. You have build name recall for the products to actually sell. Dolphy - Dolphenal.. Asim - Simeco.. Erap - Mahirap.. Get the Drift?

2. Branding: Failing to have a name that rhymes easily with good election words, politicians can try branding themselves according to a stand, a sob story or a demographic. Joy Ultra and Tide caters to people who are money conscious (product still works extraordinarily great when extraordinarily diluted).. Colgate to those after quality (or 99.99% germ free mouths).. Motolite for those after convenience (although why wait for the car battery to bring your pregnant wife to the hospital when you can take a taxi?:D)..

On the same line of thought.. since 80% of the population are supposedly poor, then a presidentiable could not go wrong to brand himself as pro poor - marcos did it, erap did it as well so it must work. Thus the cheesy padyak padyak ads as well as the singing poor kids asking if we have ever swam in a sea of garbage or slept on the streets. ( well no but have they ever tried finishing 12 years of basic education which is free without impregnating someone or dropping out because of sheer laziness?)

Some may go for established brands.. After all, why reinvent the wheel when the old one works just fine. Thus the yellow ribbons, the childhood stories about the parents, the old photographs, etc. One even uses a variation of his old campaign branding even though he was kicked out of office a few years after.. same as the senatoriable who claims he is against corruption when his father is labeled the biggest thief in history by the Guinness book of records. O_o

Branding aside though, do we take the time to check out the list of ingredients or nutritional value of the products that we buy because of these commercials? What percentage of the polls show votes backed by emotional reasons rather than logical ones. Sad truth is, branding effectiveness is almost all about optimizing emotional response and to swing the electorate because of emotional reasons is precisely the goal. That's why we smile when kids want to eat in jolibee, feel safe when we choose Sony and feel healthy when we eat and drink 'organic' food and drinks.

3. Song - Every brand has its unique song to make it memorable and to evoke emotional response. remember the kanlungan song in McDo's commercial a few years back? How bout the rejoice song and dance commercials? Or the makulay ang buhay pag may sinabawang gulay song and dance routine? no wonder most everyone got hooked on the song.. 'di bawal mangarap ang mahirap' even those who were not poor.. thank God the kids didnt dance.. Noynoy has a weird song though.. couldnt understand the lyrics of the song.. all i could understand was... mumble mumble rap rap... noynoy!... mumble muble rap rap... noynoy! O_o

4. Advertising Frequency: they say it takes 9 impressions to make a sale.. they also say its better to make 9 impressions to 10% of the target market than just 3 impressions to 90% of the market. So its not enough for people to see your ads, they also have to see it frequently enough for it to be retained in their minds.

That's why you see the 'di bawal manganrap ang mahirap' song mostly during wowowee and primetime teleseryes.. Target market poor: wowowee - crying and laughing poor people + teleserye - the poor man's opium = mind control. He he

5. Story: We all love a great or funny story. Remember the Wais si Lumen commercial series? How bout the 'palagi na lang ako' kid? And the recent one about safeguard where the wife always finds a way to ruin his husband's day?

Just like the songs that embed themselves in our minds, great story lines are a good way to build brand recall or in this case name recall for a politician. Thus the lines about a presidentiable's sibling dying because the had no money to buy medicines (meds for leukemia though? O_o) or how they used to live in a shack where the roof leaks. Another story goes about how a presidentiable's parents sacrificed their lives for our country (and how he would like to do the same? O_o ).

The cake however goes to the presidentiable who claims that things were going great during his short lived term in office (I joined the march in EDSA dos to impeach you Mr. Ex president and a president who can make a very lazy, home hermit me to do that sure as hell doesnt deserve a second chance).

Yes, its all razzle dazzle where billions and billions of pesos are being poured into great campaign machines to churn out TV ads, posters, stickers, shirts, bathroom tissues? O_o (would you like to wipe your ass with trapos?), balloons, etc, etc, etc, etc... all designed to turn the country's electorate into the proverbial sheep being lead to the slaughter... sing our songs now.. bleed later..

Meanwhile, worthwhile election tasks designed to help us vote wisely like debates are being ignored..

who cares?.. we got them stories and songs anyways..

So sing your hearts out and join the millions marching to our country's funeral song...

' Hindi bawal mangarap ang mahirap! '

Jabu Total War

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 12:59:00 +0000

Having completed subjugating the Scots, the Irish, the Spanish, French, Portuguese and Moorish empires north from Inverness to Timbuktu in the far Affrican south. I have continued my relentless and bloody conquest eastwards towards the lands of Hungary, Italy and Poland, far north from Oslo to Iraklion and Rhodes in the South - I leave behind me the wake of massacred populations and broken mighty armies.

Now, I stand in the threshold of asia minor - secured constantinople against the mongols in Nicaea across the thin body of water with 5 mighty armies and with 4 more crack armies marching eastwards to secure the last stronghold of Russia as well as drive downwards to begin my invasion of the Turkish Empire.

On the Far east, having conquered Jerusalem, Baghdad and Egypt and having paid the bloody price of turning back the Timurid Hordes, my armies stand at Antioch, Adana and Mosul to complete my pincher maneuver towards obliterating the last 3 empires ( Turks, Sicilians and Mongols ) standing between me and total world domination.

All of Western Europe have long been conquered and have enjoyed several decades of peace and prosperity under my rule. I have long since converted its mighty castles to vast and prosperous cities to stimulate growth and trade to fuel my vast army. I have joined Crusades against heathen nations, have been excommunicated and had my lands be the object of Crusades. I have ground once powerful armies of different nations to dust and had millions of my soldiers pay the price.

Now that total domination is near.. I wonder.. would I be remembered as the Emperor who brought peace to the people? Or the tyrant who has placed all of the known world in chains?..

It's almost over...

and soon, i will ask my little sister to uninstall the game so I can get back to my long forgotten work... O_o

but wait..

someone has discovered that the world is round!...

Americas.. here i come! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

All Hail Mighty King Jabu!!!

(uninstall?.. not yet my little sister... not yet, he he he)

Wasted Vote

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 15:51:00 +0000

Life is unfair.. and sometimes the sheer injustice of it can make you cry..

It's two months away from elections and this year we got 2 of the 3 political people I admire the most running for the 2 highest seats in the government.. Dick Gordon and Bayani Fernando for President and Vice President respectively.. For the longest time, I've been saying that should these 2 tandem up, we Filipinos, who are so pessimistic about our country, will find it easy to believe in our leaders again.

Like those from Olongapo and Marikina, I grew up in a city where people believe in their leaders. Where stories of improving economic conditions are not just on the papers and in the news, in political rallies and radio ads during elections but tangible all around the city. Everyone here has literally seen the city transform from a sleepy little 3rd class town to a first class city with malls, airport, first class hotels and national food chains. Everyone here has literally heard the wheels of progress turn as more schools, more banks, more businesses and more opportunities came to build their roots in our place. Contrary to what the other political critics here are saying, this phenomenal growth is not normal, you just have to go outside the city limits to see towns and nearby cities still stuck in their 1980's version. As such, Naguenos are one of the few groups of people in the country that not only constantly wishes for better political leaders but has seen the effect of having one.

Our mayor - Jesse Robredo though isnt the one running for president or even vice president, it's Dick Gordon and Bayani Fernando. Two political leaders that have also transformed their cities into something the people are fiercely proud of.

Dick Gordon was the Mayor of Olongapo city when the Americans left Subic Naval base. Add this to the fact that Mt pinatubo erupted not long after and covered the city unders meters of volcanic dust and you can imagine the devastation and desperation the people of this city crawled out of. With nothing behind him but the support of his people and a vision, Dick Gordon, against all odds, was able not just to put the city and its people back to their feet but to make the city one of the richest and best cities in the country. How many political leaders do we have that can lay claim to this kind of success using only the meager resources that was available?

Bayani Fernando inherited a city that was considered the rape capital of Manila. In the years that he has been a leader of this city, he has transformed it to one of the most business friendly and peaceful cities in the country. In fact, Marikina today competes neck to neck with Makati and Cebu for the top spot. He became the MMDA chairman of Manila sometime after I began college in Diliman. Some critics may claim that Bayani hasnt done much to alleviate the traffic condition in Manila. I beg to disagree, I was there. I saw how much the traffic was improved and of all the people who handled MMDA, he was the only one I saw that had tangible projects to handle the traffic - barricades, one way streets, U-turns, overpasses, sidewalk widening, etc. The thing I admire most about him is his dogged determination to do his job no matter what the cost - even his popularity. When he saw that sidewalk vendors were one of the main causes of traffic and road accidents, he undertook a manila wide campaign to demolish them. You can be rich or poor he wouldnt care, if your business or house encroaches upon what was lawfully the easement of the city's streets, it will be demolished. While other politikos were so busy running around gaining pogi points while essentially doing nothing, he was doing his job.

Here are two political leaders that have tangible proof that they can lead their people out of the muck. Two leaders that have tangible proof that they have the vision to build and make prosperous a place. Two leaders that care more about getting their jobs done rather than getting additional pogi points from the people. Two political leaders who let their considerable achievements speak for themselves rather than resort to the same old emotional tactics to gain points.

Sadly, the Filipino people couldnt care less.. These two proven leaders are lagging way behind the polls. We couldnt care less that these leaders could get things done and have proven it countless of times already - we care more about one politician's story about being dirt poor in the past coupled with the nice jingle about how the poor will be given houses, jobs and education. We couldnt care less that politicians who had no tangible track records and proven achievements almost always make terrible presidents. We care more for excellent sob stories and dramatic shots showing how much this politician's family suffered for our country in the past - never mind the fact that he has passed 0 laws or has not received any awards / distinguished himself in any way in all his years in the government.

Maybe we deserve to be a poor country..

Maybe we deserve to rot in this Godforsaken place and watch presidents after presidents bleed our country dry. Maybe we deserve to watch our children grow up to the same shithole that we find ourselves in.. Maybe the poor deserves to remain poor and the politically jaded remain jaded..

Maybe we deserve it all.. seeing as we put as much effort in choosing our next presidents as choosing TV channels or movies to watch..

They say voting for someone who's lagging behind the polls is a waste of a perfectly good vote..

I say its voting for someone you dont really know much about or really believe in in the first place that's the wasted vote.

Reflections on the AH1N1 Virus

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:31:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, I wrote about not trusting the government about being able to control the AH1N1 outbreak. I hate it when i'm right. Now people left are right are finding themselves infected with the said virus with even one finding out about it while hovering over his own body on the autopsy table.

What's almost funny about it all is the fact that our department of health is always trying to play down the impact of this virus. Like a damned irritating optimist caught with its finger in the proverbial dike, trying to keep everyone calm while the sea reclaims the land.

When the virus still hasnt entered our country: "Ah we got it all under control and we are strictly monitoring everyone who enters the country".

When the first few cases were discovered: "Ah we got it all under control and we are putting everyone who came into contact with them under strict quarantine"

When the confirmed cases ballooned to a hundred: " fortunately only the mild strain entered our country, dengue is far more potent than this. [as if the lower mortality rate was any consolation and the much faster propagation of AH1N1 over dengue was an unimportant point]"

When confirmed cases reached more than 500: "Ah this is because people are more aware now and more are having themselves tested." Followed by an announcement that says "because of the dwindling stocks of AH1N1 testers, only the very young, sick or old will be tested. The rest should just quarantine themselves at home.." O_o

I wonder how far DOH is gonna go with all this optimistic bullshit..

Perhaps if the virus infects more than half our population and Manila starts looking like a ghost town they will say: "Ahh.. at least there will be less traffic on the streets, and less crime too" or "Ah, we are confident that pretty soon everyone will have AH1N1 virus and the fear of being infected with it is gonna go away.. after that things will get back pretty much to the way they were before"

And when people starts dropping dead left and right, perhaps they will say "Ah, this is only Darwin's theory of natural selection at work and pretty soon all that will be left are filipinos with very strong immune systems, making for a healthier country" or "Ah, not to worry, the government is confident that it has enough public lands to ensure that everyone dead gets buried"

And when only a fourth of our population is left, perhaps our government will boast: "Ah, we are proud to announce that the overpopulation problem as well as the traffic problem has finally been solved due to the diligence of our public offices" or "We are proud to announce that poverty rate is down by 50%, crime rate is down by 70% and illiteracy rate by 60%"

and when most everyone is dead or dying: "Ah, polution is significantly reduced and the threat of global warming is erradicated"

As such, I think we are pretty much on our own on this one. So i've compiled some simple tips and strategies everyone can apply to minimize the risk of being infected by the AH1N1 virus.

- Everytime you hear someone sneeze or cough in a public place, whip out a weird looking gadget [anything with an LCD screen except a cellphone will do] and a fake authentic looking badge and ask in a loud voice.. "WHO WAS THAT?" .. Then whip out your cellphone and say "I THINK WE GOT A POSSIBLE CASE HERE, REQUESTING BACKUP AND EXTRACTION UNITS". You can bet your ass no one is going to dare sneeze or cough after that.

- Better yet, always bring a flamethrower around. when someone sneezes or coughs within your immediate area, whip it out, point upwards and press the trigger. As soon as you get their attention through your amazing pyrotechnic display, say in a loud voice "WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

- or you could also go around sneezing and coughing loudly while speaking loudly over the phone about your trip to Mexico, how you feel very crappy and weak and how your relatives are dying like flies. People will give you a wide berth in this case.

- Or maybe we should should just start thinking bout going around in austronaut suits, or diving suits, or fireman suits or whatever.. Public conversations will start sounding like endless reruns of Star Wars III - VI with us going "Hello, I'd like to order... KHAAAAHHHH... Cheeseburger.. KHAAAAAHHHH.... "

- As for those who cant afford to buy these suits, washing machine or refrigerator boxes with cutouts covered with plastic should be enough. Better to look bad or stupid walking around in a damn cardboard box than good and dead in a coffin eh?

Changing Paradigms

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 06:16:00 +0000

lights are closed and silence walked the night.. a sob and a muffled tearful voice penetrated through the haze of my drowsiness..

Pre, ang bukas ba tinatadhana ng panahon.. O bakas lamang ng kahapon? / Is tommorow dictated by fate.. or just footprints of yesterday?..

it's my college room mate mourning over a recent break up.. and my mind went from happily drowsy to O_o wtf??! mode, that godawful cheesy question shouldnt be thrown at someone just about to fall into slumber's sweet embrace.. contemplated pretending to be already asleep but what the hell...

sigh... bro.. just decide forget her.. put all your relationship's shit in a box where you can't see it, throw it away and flirt with that cute girl you were telling me about in your class.. DONT wallow in your pathethic bullshit ok?..

to which he pitifully replied: i want to die

bro, a year from now, you're going to look back to today and feel really really corny and stupid..

i've never been much of a fan of emotional theatrics.. And i figured it was my job to drench him with cold water in this case.. And whadyouknow.. He listened..

He boxed up her things, moved on and less than a year after, he was back to his cheesy/horny self, he he..

I guess even the most painful of heartbreaks become a lot more bearable when you really believe the paradigm that time will heal the wounds, that it wont always hurt as badly as when it was still fresh. That's why i always take the time to remember some of my extremely mushy/drama laden highschool stories when faced by similar circumstances. It's hard to wallow in self pity when you're cringing in self disgust at the same time, ehe he

anyways, on a lighter note..

Setting is 3 years after, different room mate, different boarding house and different story. It's about as far from a love story as you can get but it packed the same paradigm shift experience.. for me this time..

See my room mate suffered from polio when he was a kid. Thus, he walks with a pronounced limp and tires very easily. But if you think that makes him the type that's meek or shy or introverted, you couldnt be further from the truth.. He is one of the funniest, outspoken and prank driven guys i've ever come across. but that's not the paradigm shift here..

It started the evening before with an intense craving for an egg sandwich for breakfast. We went out to purchase the necessary ingredients including a dozen eggs. Boiled the eggs, mixed it with mayo and other stuff. Readied the sliced bread and coffee. Slept early. Eagerly ate our super special egg sandwich and coffee breakfast and was off to the jeepney stop across the road to get a ride to school.

one of mayo's main ingredients is egg.. and we added a dozen more eggs on top of that. plus the coffee and cream.. As we were standing there waiting for the jeep, the forces of darkness were gathering within our tummies.. I could feel the vortex of the storm turning, expanding, rumbling.. little beads of perspiration began popping out my forehead.. I glanced at my friend and saw my own urgent dilema reflected there.. And perhaps in that instant, we both thought of the same thing.. There's only one toilet bowl for the two of us..

Both of us started running full speed at the same time.. I was laughing demonically/hysterically all the while, shouting.. You can't catch up boy! Wa ha ha ha! You and your limp! Wa ha ha! And he was huffing and puffing behind me.

i can never fully explain how he was able to run so fast... It was like he tilted his body forward, with his feet churning like little whirlwinds behind him.. he was like a steam engined locomotive.. building momentum.. Unstoppable.. the next thing i knew, he overtook me and my demonical laughter turned to disbelieving wails of anguish... How???! Whhyyy??!

when i got to our room, he was already inside the toilet.. i could hear gurgling and splattering and he was laughing his ass off... I was reduced to begging him finish faster so i can have my turn.. Serves me right for my previous paradigm against disabled people.. sigh..

Then again, sometimes our paradigm shifts are not all that sudden. Sometimes it takes months, even years. It grows on us, changing our perceptions day by day, until we wake up one day wondering how the hell did we get here. These are the paradigm shifts that usually impacts us the most. The ones that gets etched in our beings, defining our lives.

Like waking up one day, realizing that you have become a full fledged parent. Caring for one little life more than you ever did to yourself or any other person you loved. Mostly tearing your hair out in frustration but also wondering how you ever did without seeing him sleep peacefully beside you at night.. or hear him laugh..

Or suddenly remembering someone you love and has said goodbye, finally smiling, thanking God that no matter how painful it is to lose someone you love, the richness of joy in your life and the memories is well worth the pain.

Or having your fingers hover midair over your keyboard, the realization that you've grown up, have to earn your own keep and striking out to make your own story in this world, washing over you like cold water. No more allowances, no more summer breaks, cramming for exams and the such. Now you have to build, to work, to save with whatever tools and skills you have accumulated over the years. It may scare the shit out of us most of the time but then again, most of who came this way probably felt the same way too and they did just fine.

Or maybe life's paradigm shift can be as simple as realizing that love isnt just a complex web of feelings, emotions and descriptions.. but a verb, a decision and a reflection of the love we have for ourselves and the growth in maturity that comes with time.

you may feel like giving up now, but believe that things will always look better tomorrow or maybe the next year...

that every wind of change carries with it a seed of happiness that could grow if only you'd recognize it for what it is..

that problems cannot be solved in the same level of thinking that got us into it in the first place...

that quarrels, misunderstandings and fights are mostly driven by hurt and pride.. and recognizing it is already half the solution..

that every problem we have, ever had and will have in the future will always have a common denominator... us and how we look at things.. and the gulf between looking at it as opportunities for growth or another burden to carry can make a world of difference..

a half empty glass is always half full..

We can't always choose the things that happen in our lives.. but we can choose the paradigms by how we see them..

Controversial Views in Philippine Politics: What's All the Fuss About??

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:51:00 +0000

There was a lot of hoopla, flag waving, speeches and celebration today all over the nation. I ask.. What's the fuss about?

Government officials caught with their hands stuck in our cookie jar are not being brought to justice. One of them is even planning to run again for president next year. Moreover, convicted murderers, rapists, assasins, etc are being granted presidential pardon. Is it just me, or is something glaringly wrong with justice in this place? Without justice, are we really free?

The government is spending less and less on education. Opting instead on spending more and more on our national defense. Hoping the militant student groups would just shut up so it can go ahead and privatize even our country's education. No wonder everyone is asking themselves if our country is really moving forward despite the government's indignant insistence. Uhhh.. this train's not moving madam president.. a carabao pulling a cart just overtook us. Without education, how can there be freedom from poverty, ignorance and crime? Without brains, would arms bring about progress? Without education, are we really free?

Those who can turn this country around though are fleeing this land as fast as they can - like rats jumping overboard a sinking ship. The brain drain.. makes those of us left behind feel like we're missing something important.. it's like everyones running away from a bomb, and we're happily munching on potato chips - headphones stuck on our ears, looking at the scrabbling people with a big question mark on top of our heads. Without viable options for our future right here, how can we say we've gained independence? By being forced to leave behind the familiar, our families and our country, how can we say we are free?

Petron, our government owned oil company, sold and the spoils divided among local crocodiles. Meralco, government owned electric company, sold to the highest bidder and the cash promptly swallowed by government blackhole. PNB, Philippine Airlines, Maynilad, NAPOCOR and the list goes on.. Let me ask then... Is there any income earning government owned utility left? And.. How exactly do you fuck up a utility company that has the whole country as its customer base and is enjoying complete monopoly??! O_o Without any safeguards from cartels, rampant inflation and non existent price controls, can we still say we are free?

The nations money handed out in paperbags during a government meeting, our hard earned money traded and deposited under the table in other countries during international conventions, our land (spratleys) sold so that our honorable government officials can dip their fingers through gigantic loans (such as the ZTE deal) now and let us pay later. I ask, without any protection from glaringly corrupt government officials, are we really enjoying freedom? Without any will to vote and choose our next leaders wisely, are we really free?

EDSA shrine, the place that served as the fulcrum of our country's history, now off limits to rallies and demonstrations. Our own police force and military, undergoing urban warfare and crowd suppresion training. Rallyists being beaten to death. Journalists gunned down in cold blood. Outspoken government dissidents hunted like animals. Without real freedom of speech, without meaningful ways of protesting against the government, do we have liberty? Are we free?

And the apex of all hypocrisies regarding our supposed freedom, the constitutional change through the con ass, where congressmen are brought one by one like cheap goods in a flea market. Where congressmen are made to decide our country's fate in direct contradiction to the people's voice. Where our honorable congressmen are joined under one banner to stamp down our basic freedom.. Our freedom to vote.. To choose our next leader.. To choose change..

They say a frog will willingly submit itself to death if the water is boiled in slow increments. We laugh at the frog's stupidity while we submit ourselves to the same fate, being slowly boiled to serfdom through terrorist threats, sex scandals and boxing matches.

So if you, by chance, took part in today's hypocrisy.. waved little flags, sang our national anthem, set off fireworks..

Ask yourself...

What the fuck were you celebrating? O_o

RoadTrip

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:29:00 +0000

Nothing is constant but change
and in this roadtrip we're all on
nothing is certain but the little bumps, roadside glitches, minor sometimes major accidents and crossroads we've to come across or experience..

like a stray dog that suddenly decides to cross the road and ends up jammed and dying on your front wheel..

or little speed humps that rattle your brain when caught unaware..

or a truck with a drowsy driver smashing into your rear bumper..

or an unexpected turn somewhere leaving your out in the middle of nowhere without gas..

it maybe that most of us already have a specific route in mind..
a roadmap, expected landmarks, fixed turn-offs..
all leading to a particular destination..
and more than anything else, we wish to drive steadily and unfailingly towards it. eyes on the road, foot on the pedal, sure hands on the wheel, and lips mouthing a silent prayer..

O God, I hope nothing unexpected happens..

and most trips usually do.. most people end up where they want to, basically the same save for windblown hair and a few hours of boredom..

but ever so often, fate decides to take the wheel and plow us right into a tree.. or a stray dog.. or maybe it just takes us on a ride to somewhere else..

like a side road we've never intended to take..

or an opportunity to help someone who has been in an accident..

or a breathtaking view of a mountain you have seen all your life...

or a vivid and colorful rainbow that makes you pull over the road and just stare at it in wonder...

a movie line goes..
life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away..

some of us journey with the windows closed.. to see the world only when stepping out at the destination.. realizing too late that the ride was half the trip..

some stare out the window for the whole duration of the ride.. waiting for something extraordinary to happen.. never realizing that extraordinary isnt out there but in our capacity to see.. to recognize extraordinary in the most mundane of things..

and yet some just happen to be looking out the window at the right place and time.. going on with their lives.. thinking bout the rainbow they've once seen..

no matter what the case may be, when fate takes over the wheel - remember to keep your eyes open..

what happens next may not exactly be what you had in mind.. but you can bet your ass that every single second will define your life..

here's to everyone on the road...

Should Hayden be the Next National Hero?: Aftershocks of the Katrina Halili Scandal

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 23 May 2009 01:48:00 +0000

The Katrina Halili scandal became officialy available in the internet this week and one could almost hear the whole country's internet backbone groan in complaint of the massive surge of recent traffic. Ironically, while the representative groups, the religious and political leaders of our country are indignantly condemming the perversion of all perversions that is the sex scandal, the rest of the country are scrambling all over the internet looking for download and video streaming sites containing the said scandalous and perverted video.

Surprisingly too, girls seems to be as interested and sometimes even more determined to find the video than guys. I could hear them giggling beside me in the internet cafe as they viewed, discected and discussed the different positions shown on the clip as well as the size and rigidity of something I wasnt too eager to know more about. I suspect that for girls, scandal videos are the ulmitate reality show. The most juicy [figuratively] and basest of all tube shows that shows a woman that must be going through the worst moment in her life. And while guys don't generally care if they watch the video muted or not [don't ask why, he he], girls seem to be very very interested in what the characters are saying while doing the act. They would even play the video back repeatedly while straining their ears to understand the muffled conversations [the medical transcriptionists are usually better at this]

Case in point is the I love you bhebhe scandal where the woman starts off in the bed staring lovingly at her man holding the camcorder while saying some mushy words:

"I love you bhebhe, happy anniversary, sana mag mature na tayo pareho.. Sana di na tayo away ng away" [I hope both of us grow more mature, I hope we don't argue often anymore]

For some reason, girls find this very very funny and memorable, recounting the lines verbatim everytime we touch the topic.

Of course, what happened after the girl said those lines didnt help. After running out of mushy words to say, the girl trailed off and asked:

"O anong rin masasabi mo?" [do you have something to say too?] and the guy answered.

"Eh maghubad ka na" [take off your clothes]

Upon which the girl proceeded to blow the guy while mumbling some endearments in between slurps.

O_o ... That's wicked..

Then there was this Lasalle scandal where the girl said while the guy was taking a close up video of her privates:

"papatayin talaga kita, pag lumabas tong video na to" [I'll kill you if this video gets out]

And the whole country giggled at that line.

Guys are no better.. One of my college friends know that my work is netbased.. Upon learning that the Katrina Halili video came out, he texted me immediately to ask for a copy of the video.. Preferably one that can be played through his phone.o_O

And yesterday, while browsing through the new DVDs of a hole in the wall stall, two groups of guys came in asking if the store manager already have a copy of the katrina halili video.

It's no wonder that the porn industry drives much of the progress today in industries like virtual reality, robotics and internet commerce. Apparently, 'perversion' is an expensive habit and a profitable business. Just now, there are already 159,000 search results for katrina halili scandal in google and more than 500,000 average monthly searches for pinoy scandal related videos according to the google keyword tool. o_O

Now our own senate is at it again - Investigating the sex scandal of katrina halili this time. Moreover, they have already subpoenaed the 3 women concerned to appear before them and to have them checked by a shrink for trauma [as if appearing before the national media because of their scandals where everyone can oogle at them while reviewing the sex videos will help]

Is it just me or does it seem that our senate is doing nothin else but investigate one case after another like a local version of CSI? [one which doesnt solve a lot of cases, he he]. Senator Revilla even gave a thundering sermon against 'the ultimate of perverts' whereupon someone saw it fit to remind him that he himself had a sex video scandal way back in 2002. o_O Does that make him the Runner Up to the ultimate of perverts?

Another celebrity was also heard saying that Katrina should have refrained from having sex in the first place because it is bad. o_O A line from the bible comes to mind.. 'let her without a sin cast the first stone'. Ehe he.. Maybe she should get herself sewn up.

On another note, the mother of all whistle blowers [one that broke open the Hello Garci scandal] from the NBI recently passed away and some people are recommending that he should become a national hero.

Reading the discussions on the internet though, the hundreds of posts that hail Hayden as the new pinoy idol, a poll that asks who will vote for Hayden as the next president, the thousand of posts pleading for a link, and several others proclaiming the date of the release of the sex scandal a national sperm spraying day, one could almost infer that its Dr. Hayden that the people want to be their next national hero. Right up there beside Dr. Jose Rizal.

O_o

I wonder what his monument would look like?

Farming Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:09:00 +0000

There's a nasty nasty joke being played all around the world. And sadly, we are the butt of it. This is no Fear Factor. This is real. We live in a fear farm and we are the crop.

From the moment of our fertilization to our funerals, our lives will be subconciously directed, influenced and permeated by fear. and it's not even the simple and less costly type of fear our ancestors have to deal with like the fear of hellfire and damnation, today's line-up of fear factors are somewhat more earthly, tangible and commercialized. They dont get delivered via thundering sermons from the raised pulpit either but through engaging jingles, funny scripts, and serious, credible, paranoia provoking infomercials.

We may find them funny or outrageously senseless at first, but as time can move mountains, streams and even continents through its consistent and persistent action, so can advertisements over time move billions of minds all over the planet to spend on more and more things unheard of and uneeded before. Sooner or later, we catch ourselves singing that commercial jingle. Then, before we know it, we're looking at our underarms in the mirror contemplating whether its a tad too black and hairy.

Speaking about which, here are some products, services and what nots I've compiled which have made our lives so much more expensive over the years.

1. Anti Black Underarm Deodorant and Armpit Shaver

Evolution or God has dictated that most girls should have hairs on their armpits. Some nutty capitalist felt he had a better sense of aesthetics and declared armpit hairs taboo. Afterall, if you could convince women that armpit hairs shouldnt be there and if you could include women with armpit hairs in men's nightmares, there's bound to be a huge huge market that's going to be created over time.

And now that most women are already shaving their armpits - out comes an advertisement that says "regular shaving can cause black underarms". So now, black underarms are included on the list of taboos and a new product is launched to combat specifically this.

So first it was smelly underams [which was considered normal from time immemorial to about 60 years ago], then it was hairy underarms, then black underams.. I wonder what they'll come up with next to further fan the insecurities of women regarding their armpits?

Porous underarms?

Wrinkly underarms?

O_o

2. Mineral Water

Bottled water... 30 years ago, they would've been as ridiculous as canned earth. But now, one sees them regularly in grocery shelves along with carbonated and fruit drinks. Now, they're even trying to sell us ponkana sweat [ if they can sell bottled sweat then that's it, we're really fucked up]

Bottled water... They are an undeniable proof of the power of media in our lives. If capitalists can convince us that we need to buy even water, then there's no end to what they can persuade us to buy..

Pretty soon they might be selling fresh air tanks that we can plug into our home ventilation systems..

Or scented bathwater..

Or little pills we can stick up our ass to serve as fart deodorizer..

We would go.. Pfffffftttttt....

Then the whole room would smell like a field of roses... [ farting would actually become romantic] Some pills can be made to hum love songs as they disintegrate.

3. Snack to Burn [Diet Food]

Saw this ad just the other day.. Snack to burn.. Burn calories even as you eat..

Weird.. Back in biology class, I thought the whole point of eating was to stock up on energy. 99.9999% of all living things on earth eat to survive, no wonder we've fucked up the planet big time. We eat just so we can burn the food we have eaten earlier in the day.

Isn't it ironic that while 70% of all the people in the world are dying of starvation, the rest are eating food just to burn the food they have just consumed?

Meanwhile, the US government is paying its farmers subsidies just so they wont have to plant anything in their farms [to avoid flooding the world market and lower the price of foodstuff].

God must be pretty confused by now thus the swine flu outbreak.. He must be thinking.. Hmmm... Maybe I should just start all over again?

4. Ringtones

Ringtones.. People actually buy ringtones.. Chris Rock predicts that pretty soon, a merger between big telecom companies will occur and we'll suddenly find ourselves choosing between cellphone models that have no ringtones installed.

Right in the middle of conversations, people would then just suddenly fish out their cellphones and go "Hello? Hello?", smile foolishly at you and say "he he, i'm just making sure no ones calling"

5. Whitening/Tanning lotions

How to make money in selling skin lotions 101:

Make White and Yellow people want to have golden tanned skin..

Make Black and Brown people want to have pinkish white skin..

With everyone going bonkers about their skin color, you can then sell skin lotions like pancakes.

I wonder if anyone ever notices that beauty commercials seems to be always about being something that most people are not? If the country is 95% brown people, then infuse it with ads about women with pinkish white skin. Don't put chocolate brown models on the pedestal else most might end up feeling pretty satisfied bout themselves.

6. Liver Aid, Calciaid, Omega 9, Good bacteria, Good Cholesterol, L-carnitine, the 5 signs of good nutrition, etc.

Not a day or even an hour passes without our being reminded of the weird sounding chemicals, amino acids, compounds, vitamins or minerals that our bodies might be missing. We are slowly being boiled in fear of our bodies and health.

With all the facts and figures flying around about the correct way of living, it makes one wonder how the human race has gotten this far without these wonder drugs. How did Einstein ever become a genius without promil?? How did some people live to be a hundred years old without Haveitall or calciaid??

I think it is only in this century that people are becoming intimately aware of what is going on inside their bodies, the 1,001 things that could go wrong with it and the wonder drugs that could deal with it.

7. Credit Cards

Several decades ago, living life in perpetual debt was considered plain stupid. Now we see pictures of smiling women weighed down by multiple shopping bags, grinning guys driving a brand new car brought on credit, ecstatic couples smugly reclining on a brand new sala set, watching a movie on a brand new ultra slim LCD tv, all brought by a swipe of their plastic as if these are as life should always be. They don't bother to show the pictures of these people slumped over their desks, mascaras smeared from crying or arguing with each other on how to pay the bills.

The smiling and happy faces seems to have convinced most of us that living a life in bondage to the bank is ok and living way way beyond our means is perfectly normal as long as the credit limit supports it.

We constantly live in fear. Fear sowed by the uneding deluge of advertisements everywhere and everyday of our lives. Fear of rejection brought about by black underarms, smelly feet, dark skin and thousand of other fabricated insecurities. Fear of death and our health thus the multi vitamins and minerals, mineral water, omega 9 products, enriched baby milk, anti osteoporosis pills, etc, etc, etc. Fear of the future, thus the insurance packages, college plans, exam reviews and health coverage. Fear of boredom, empty spaces and failure thus the trappings of wealth and entertainment provided by the reliable plastic.

It may be covered with an icing of happiness, beauty, comfort, health and security but scratch the surface just a little and you'll find out that most of our decisions about money are ruled by simple fear. Fear deliberately planted on our minds so as to farm our hard earned money.

Consummerism has become the new religion and Brands, the new sheperd of men.

Oh well.. At least its better than living in constant fear of being chosen as the next human sacrifice to appease the rain god. Ehe he

ps. Forward this blog to 50 other people or the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits tonight.

Reflections On Friendster Exhibitionists

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:00:00 +0000

Piebuko has posed a very interesting question in her blog. Why do girls take pictures of themselves in their undies?

Why Indeed? O_o I have asked the same question myself when I first discovered amateur porn [not that I was complaining then or now] back in college. But why do some girls get their kicks by posting half nude pictures of themselves in a place where everyone can see them?

A manifestation of their exhibitionist tendencies perhaps? I remember way back in grade school, boys had a somewhat similar inclination. There were a lot of penis flashing in those days. Lookiee what I have! One would suddenly exclaim as you pee beside him in the boy's CR. His penis would then be suddenly out for your perusal as if he was expecting a comment. Some older guys still do this too. I remember a story told by our female batchmate. She was sitting beside a man [who she thought was just waving a black umbrella back and forth ] in an FX taxi. When she chanced to look directly at the man. Lo and Behold! It was not an umbrella but a very large black dick! The man was looking at her as if daring her to react. The first thing that came to my mind when told of this story was a childhood rhyme. See bantay jump... See bantay jump mother.. See bantay jump father.. Fact is, some people just get a kick out of seeing other's reaction to their nudity [or half nudity]. Maybe in their secret selves, they feel that they have to be half nude or nude to be noticed or envied. Bad press is still press after all, he he. Lookie what I have!

Some girls are also very proud of their bodies. They are so in love with themselves that I think that if they can only clone themselves, they'd fuck themselves brainless in a minute. Remember the girls that stop and admire their reflections in my Multi-millenium bug blog? Well, if you know of someone who does this every other minute, check out their friendster albums and I'll bet you'll find half naked pictures along with the googoo eyed zoolander faces there. Ehe he, ask jinky and she'll tell you that some men do this too -uploading pics of themselves in their briefs. o_O

Lastly, some girls do this to advertise their availability and to attract hormone driven men. If you stop to think about it, this is really understandable as it is only a digital manifestation of a primal instinct. After all, female animals in the wild do rub their genitals on trees, leaving their scents, to advertise the fact that they are ready to mate. Posting half nude or nude pictures of themselves is just a digital equivalent of this.

Whatever the reason may be, I think the half nude or nude pictures of social network users also serve a higher purpose when you ponder about the bigger picture. Think about it as one of the mate selection tools of us homo sapiens. Dick driven guys gravitate towards the half nudies and exhibitionists, romantic guys go for the ones with the right background music, cutie widgets and cutie profiles, and others go for what's in the blogs [although all guys still do take a peek at them nudies who are only too eager to show their goods for free every once in a while, he he].

Now friendster/myspace/facebook nudies lamenting the injustice that they can't find any decent men..

... That I don't understand. O_o

Secret Notes of the Pinoy Movie Industry

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 May 2009 08:00:00 +0000

* note: This does not apply to All pinoy movies. Some of them are actually very good.

On Characters:

A. Main Character must either have poker face [if action movie] or funny face [if comedy].

Notes:

1. Flabby action stars are ok but minimize running and rolling scenes in the movie as it might end up diminishing the heroic look of hero.

2. Hero must be poor, to gain instant sympathy from our target audience [tucked in shirts, fitted pants, belt buckles and brown shoes]

3. For some reason, ladies in the movie will find this flabby guy attractive [please look for possibles in pinoy big brother auditions]

B. Bad Character Must Have Evil Laugh [with maniacal eyes to match]. [video recording attached, please practice the antagonist on this]

C. Funny sidekick [preferably gay] (don't explain why hero wants to hang out with this guy)

D. Leading Lady [maria clara type, spitting mad at the hero at the start of the story but fucks him like a rabbit near the end. Please see sex scence notes]

E. Goons and Syndicates - contact numbers of guys who always play this part attached in separate document. They will already know the good guy - bad guy routine.

On Props:

- Defective Bullets and Magical Guns: none of the lesser bad guys should hit main character no matter if this is beyond the realm of real life statistics and if a gazillion guns are pointed at him- as usual tell them to aim for hero's feet. Good guy's gun should be fitted with the infinite bullets magazine [thank God no one in the audience knows how to count] and homing bullets [one that kills 3 bad guys for every single shot]

- Old Cars and Warehouse Hideouts: Tell producers that we don't have enough budget to use new cars in movies for supposedly 'filthy rich and powerful' bad guys. Please check stockroom or buy and sell for cheap old cars for sale instead [this will be used in car chases and exploding car scenes in the movie]. No exploding cars during car chases please, they are too expensive to create - explode car while stationary instead - use toy car if possible.

Also please contact the owner of regular warehouse we use as headquarters for the bad guys and the setting for the final battle scene. Wakwak mansions are too expensive to rent [let's hope the audience doesnt know any better].

Don't forget the pancit prop the hero brings to his child's bday just before their house gets hosed by the bad guys. [scatter the pancit over the child's bloody body as this will enrage the audience]

On Special Effects:

- Bad Guys Dance when Shot and Flies when punched by good guy. Please contact regular choreographer for this and practice the bad guys crew in flying and dancing. Rehearsal scheduled before actual shot.

- Stomach Punches el Rapido with Ear Clapping Finale. [audience loves this for some reason although it defies logic why someone will just stand there and take a hundred punches to the tummy and still wait for the ear clapping finale] No matter, contact actor if his arthritis still permits this move. On second thought.. Is this actor still around?

On Plot:

Below is a checklist of different plots or twists you can use for the movie or to make the TV series longer than it originally was if it gets good ratings.

- Amnesia: wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. Good idea to insert new characters on this part. No permanent amnesias please.

- Kidnap: May be done before amnesia or to give main character the catalyst to go after the bad guys near the end. The Kidnapping needs not have a good reason behind it. Just get the girl or whatever and see what develops from there.

- babies get switched: a very 'good twist' for the movie although it seems a little obvious from the start [by the way, check with researcher if this happens often in our country].

- lockets, necklace, ring, diary, etc that holds the answer to main character's life. [suggestion that main character will pawn her necklace to buy a new 3G cellphone is rejected, who sent this?]

- Extremes: super rich vs. ultra poor is a proven strategy although the president's daughter falling for the poor blind guy who plays the guitar in an overpass and doesnt take a bath might be a bit unrealistic.

- Vendetta: Have the poor maltreated underdog win the jackpot lotto, inherit wealth from a distant relative or marry some old dying geezer to turn the tables somewhere in the middle of the movie. Don't show scenes where the underdog goes on a wild eyed shopping spree frenzy in divisoria. Underdog must be sophisticated, calm and composed when she meets her tormentor, plus she will also be able to speak in straight english.

Scenes:

- Instant aging of characters - character sits in the toilet as a kid, stands up to wash her butt as a young woman or rides a jeepney as an eight year old and come down as an eighty year old. Think up of a good transformation scene and send me your ideas. Do you think a little girl's armpits suddenly growing hairs with a camera pan showing a beautiful grown woman plucking the armpit hairs in front of the mirror is a good idea? Or how about a young girl picking her nose? Close up on the booger, pan out and show a young woman daintily rolling and flicking the booger?

- One of the bad guys is always around when someone confesses a secret: yes even when that secret is told in a confessional booth - bad guy should either be the priest or pretending to be a statue on top of confessional booth. Ps. Don't forget the evil smile as bad guy listens and discovers secret.

- Someone falls off the stairs: Dramatic way of getting rid of someone important in movie. Stairs should be made of concrete or marble and not wood and should be composed of more than 3 steps. Please dont forget camera pan focusing on facial expression of character as she falls down. Do a slow motion if possible but dont give the falling character a script.

- Someone has to die first before the good guy becomes enraged. Dying person says 1 page script before dying. Dying person SHOULD be someone of importance to main character. The scene with the laundry woman dying in the arms of her master telling him about remaining spin cycles and where the hangers are stored was scratched from our script.

- Song and Dance Portion: There is nothing wrong with a macho, bad ass, no nonsense type of hero doing a song and dance portion on the beach with his lady and hundreds of other beach goers. Even macho guys get overwhelmed by emotions sometimes, although in real life he would have to kill himself afterwards because of the shame.

- Bullets run out so the good and bad guy have to fight hand to hand combat. Why this is so is a mystery the film school didnt explain. Maybe there's just something very sellable with two macho guys groping each other, tumbling on the floor with their sweat dripping on each other and breathing on each other's face.

- Leading Man and Leading Lady Run Together in Slow motion as Background Explodes: This shot is a must as 30% of the budget is tied in the explosives in this scene. Use three cameras to capture the scene and show all in movie. No cuts, no retakes even if all three cameras show the love handles of the hero flapping up and down as he runs.

- Nude Scenes: Of course, no action movie is complete without some sweaty, glazed eyed, moan filled, slow motion errotic bed scene. Special care must be taken to ensure that the scene makes it through the censors though. So a. only one breast or one nipple should be visible at any one time, b. No pubic hair or shadows of pubic hairs are to be shown c. Focus on characters' glaze eyed faces and confusing entwined body parts instead of the sensitive parts and d. Even if it defies reality and logic combined, the guy should be fixated at kissing the girl, her neck, her ears and anywhere else instead of her breasts. No sucking of the nipple please!! This doesnt happen in movies!

Finally, have the hero and leading lady sing the movie's theme song in a popular TV show even if they both don't know how to sing. Promote the controversial [and unrealistic] sex scene in the movie, sit back and wait for the bucks to roll in. Never mind if its a complete waste of a powerful educational media or if its the damn tail wagging the media dog. In this industry, the only God is the one you keep in your wallet.

Transcendence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 May 2009 00:17:00 +0000

Somehow he knew it was just a matter of time. Then again, he already knew there was something terribly wrong a week before when the lab results came in and he noticed the whispered conversations, the unshed tears and the poignant tenderness in the touch of his loved ones - almost as if they were etching every moment in their souls.

He was finding it hard to breathe, much more to talk. Out from nowhere, a muted sob escapes his lips and a single tear rolled down his cheek. Not because of the innate fear of what's to come but because of the deep regret that comes with wishing things could've been different, that he could've done more, loved more or could've spoken the words that would now be forever unsaid.

In the twilight on his conciousness he hear his wife praying for him and his children whispering words of love and goodbyes. With all his heart he wished he could all hold them in his arms one last time.. with his last breath he prayed they will be alright.

It was time...

Slowly, his conciousness ebbed until it was all but a flicker of light. He felt himself drifting into the vast nothingness that inhabits the world of dreams. His thoughts begin to fragment, one by one, all his memories flashed before his eyes before disintegrating into the void and soon enough, even his very concept of self was lost in a fine mist of thoughts and memories.

Like tiny bubbles in a fast flowing stream, the fragments floated. For what seemed like ages, these bits and pieces journeyed among other bubbles scattering, tumbling and merging in the turbulent flow. Finally, the river of fragments empties itself into a vast ocean. There they slowed, settled and finally recombined..

Light...

It was the first spark of conciousness - like waking from a deep restful sleep yet more so. And in that first moment, self and all the fragments of memories recombine from the bubbles in the froth. He opens his eyes and is flooded by a sudden gush of awareness. It is as if his self permeates the whole of the vast ocean, as if he was one with the flows, the tides and the froth. He is an entity unbounded by physical dimensions and yet one with the whole. He has never felt more alive before.

Welcome home..

A voice from his childhood and yet no words were spoken. He sensed a multitude of selves welcoming, enveloping him and merging with his own. Fragments crossed the divide and suddenly he knew who they were..

His mother whom he has not seen for almost 20 years, his cousin and childhood friend, his brother in law who preceeded him not a year ago, his friends, aunts, uncles, friends and everyone else he had known, loved and said farewell to in his other life.

They enveloped him and his core was suffused with a deep glow of contentment. This time though there were no physical barriers between him and their multitudes of conciousness - all their thoughts and feelings crossed from one awareness to the other without dilution. It was a perfect union of entities and selves.

...What is this place?...

...It is a stream of conciousness unbounded by space and time. A creation of downstreamers far into the future that reaches into the furthest past.

The question was anwered almost at the same time it was asked..

Every mind that has ever existed and that has ever been freed from its physical confines are brought here - a vast network of interlinked minds spanning every world, every time and every dimension of our universe. Here we are whole, we are at peace, we are one...

And so it was, without the need for pretensions, misleading words, insecurities and hidden intentions so common in the physical world, he began to experience perfect tranquility for the first time in his life. With the purity of union among other entities and the conciousness stream, he began to understand the true meaning of happiness and meaning. He has found life in its purest form.

The stream is an unbroken loop of minds that threads the most remote past to the furthest future where people are born free from physical bodies and are introduced directly into the stream. It is connected to the physical world only though the different manifestations of energy.. Thoughts, dreams, radiation, matter.. Through which everything from the formation of stars to the unfolding of time is connected.

Interlinked conciousness and life using the very fabric of the universe.. It is to be the final step in the evolution of man and his technology and his quest for the fullfilment of an eons old faith. A future folds into the past to extend Redemption.. Eternity.. Peace..

He thought of the family he have left behind and his attempts of direct communication through the physical barriers of the human brain. He fleetingly feels a deep sense of regret and loss.

But in this place where one human lifetime is but a drop in the glorious infinity of the stream, he would wait..

And when he opened his eyes, he smiled..

Welcome home...

Most Popular End of the World Scenarios in Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:49:00 +0000

There's something about end of the world stories, books and movies that tickles the imagination of morbid people all around the world - almost as if we're all anticipating and waiting for the proverbial axe to fall just so we can start breaking open those popcorns and have a seat on the front row.

In fact, stories about the end of the world were favorites even during ancient times. The aztecs, summerians, egyptians, american indians and quite a number of other ancient [even modern] cultures speaks of a great flood that consumed the world. The Christian book of revelations speaks about a second coming, aztec drawings speak of the coming end of the world through fire [date is 2012] which interestingly corresponds to a scientist's prediction of a massive solar flare [my sister says this was on yahoo news] and I predict that an alien civilization will make earth its dumpsite and bury all of us under galactic poo.

And since there's nothing much to do right now than to listen to the raindrops patter on the roof and down to our floor [yes, our roof is only designed to block sunlight, not rain], I've decided to jot down the most popular end of the world scenarios that have ever shown on cinemas or got printed on books:

1. Earthbound Asteroid
[deep impact and armmageddon]

The proverbial galactic shit hitting the fan [or in this case, our planet]. A big massive ball of rock [Mr. President, its the size of texas] is headed towards a head on collision with earth. Its an extinction level event, or so the movie says where everyone dies except for the bacteria that inhabits the thermal vents beneath the earth.

This scenario is one of the most popular for several reasons. A. Destruction Galore as the great ball of fire crashes down to earth in a spectacular explosion [it even crashes smack in the middle of a big city even though the odds are against it for better effects]. B. Killer Tsunamis: those that didnt have the luck of being on the impact site gets to drown in the killer tsunamis that follow. [the waters recede first and people flock to admire the exposed seabed before realizing the biggest mistake of their lives]. C. Slow Death: As icing on the cake, people who are unlucky enough to survive the first two get to die a slow and horrible death as the dust covered athmosphere triggers an ice age and people starve to death.

2. Super Virus
[Resident Evil, The Happening, Outbreak, Rainbow Six and I am Legend]

Another recurring theme that uses a runaway virus as a premise. In this future, cosmetic and beauty companies fall on hard times, everyday is halloween and human sushi gets added to the menu.

3. Robot Rebellion
[I Robot, Terminator and The Matrix]

Robots rise up against their human masters and take over the world. Strange but in all the above mentioned movies, the central characters somehow needed to show their naked butts - maybe this is relevant in some way to the central plot - I don't know.. You can notice this most easily in the Terminator series where you get to see how Arnold's butt ages over the years.

Going back to the discussion, the robots, using their undisputable logic, finds humans too complicated and confusing to live along with, so they made them a. Batteries, b. Target practice and c. Sentient pets.

4. Extreme Weather
[The Day After Tomorrow, Judge Dredd and Waterworld]

Melting of the polar Ice-caps, desertification of the whole earth and raging global storm systems.. All caused by the wanton destruction of the earth by humans. In Waterworld, dry land has become a myth. In Judge Dredd, seas and oceans have become non existent and the law keepers have to wear cheesy looking costumes. In the Day After Tomorrow, Earth enters an ice age [which is not hard to believe since our weather has gone bonkers these past few years]. Again people have the option of a. starving
to death, b. freezing to death or c. Listening to stallone's mumblings.

5. Alien Invasion
[Independence Day, Titan A.E., Evolution, War of the Worlds, and Battlefield Earth]

Aliens pick up TV show signals from earth and come for a peek. After expending tremendous amounts of energy, travelling light years from their home planet and despite the fact that there are quadzillion other planets, planetoids, asteroids, comets and whatever between them and the earth that can be more profitably or efficiently mined, terraformed or colonized, they choose earth to be their next project.

For their stupidity, humans or in the case of war of the worlds, bacteria finds a way to circumvent and defeat their super advanced and high tech defense systems, thereby blowing them to smithereens.

6. The Second Coming
[Meggido, Good Omens, Hellboy and the End of Days]

Prophecy of the revelations in the bible come true and overpopulation triples twice over in the span of one night as Atilla the Hun, Genghis Khan, Six pack Leonidas, and billion others of our ancestors rise from the dead for the second judgement.

Of course, the movies dont ever come this far [due to budget constraints and special effects requirements]. The sky darkens, some people die but everything goes back to normal in the end.

7. Mutants and Monsters
[Reign of Fire, Godzilla, Xmen, etc]

Monsters and Mutants [yup, we're scraping the bottom of the barrel now] are also used to color end of the world stories. In the reign of fire, the world is overtaken by mythical fast breeding dragons from our past. Fighter jets that fly faster than the speed of sound, semi-sentient long and medium range radar guided missiles and all our advanced technologies are rendered useless by fire breathing, flying dragons - [why? Only the director knows], likewise with the impossibly fast giant lizard Godzilla who's biggest mistake was to come to America instead of the Philippines which he could've ravaged to his heart's content without getting himself killed [there would be nothing left to protect after the senate finishes their investigation].

Countdown to Chaos

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 May 2009 07:36:00 +0000

It's been raining non-stop for almost 4 days now and the weather station predicts than it will rain for about 4 days more. I've almost forgotten what it's like to see the sun and go through the day without hearing raindrops splattering on the pavement below. I've also heard that the water level of the river [which is just one house away from us] is almost at level with the discharge pipes. Streets are flooding, crops are drowning, the laundry is getting smelly and the roof, our roof, is on the verge of disintegrating. We've been running around here for the past two days or so doing water leak damage control as if we're in a fuckin' submarine or something.

"all hands to battlestations!! This is not a drill!!"

Worse of all, this is happening right smack in the middle of freakin summer! The weather stations are going bonkers trying to explain how in earth did 3 low pressure areas simultaneously develop over the country. They may not be saying it out loud, but I think the general mood is "Fuck It! Blame it on fuckin' global warming and let's go home!"

Well at least we don't have to worry about swine flu just yet. Or at least as far as we know. I wouldn't trust our government's ability to screen airport arrivals as far as I can throw myself. Hell, they can't even solve the traffic problem. So basically, we're just waiting for the axe to fall or the shit to hit the fan or whatever. And when it does, the numbers are against us surviving like Will Smith did in I am legend. More likely, we're going to be one of those ugly mutated pakershits who eat each other's toes for breakfast.

What exactly do we do in case this becomes a pandemic? O_o Do we:

A: Spend like crazy to stock up on food, medicine, cigs and other survival supplies and bar the doors? [as long as the internet connection keeps up, this isnt too far from any other day, he he, we're already hermits as it is]

B. Burn anyone who so much as sneezes or shows an elevated temperature?

Or

C. Head for the mountains along with sacks of canned goods and hope to God that Inday didnt forget to bring along the can opener?

Maybe the government will even contruct a Philippine Ark and decide who gets to go in through Pinoy Bingo Night..

Well at least, the Global economic recession will be a moot point by then, along with the issue of charter change, overpopulation, global pollution and the new plate number coding in Naga. He he