Courting Your Wife

Lies

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 16:32:00 +0000

Let me tell you straight and this is without question and never fails. Your first lie to your mate, is the first step toward doom.

You can doubt it, you can defy me, you can try it out for yourself but the minute you tell that first lie, will lead to another and another until you are no longer the person he/she married and the game is over. This goes, of course, for either partner.

Cheat on your wife? It's a lie. I mean, would you tell her about it before hand? The best advice I could ever offer to anyone wishing to be in and keep a good relationship, is to speak the truth at all times, regardless of the consequences. No matter what happens, it won't be the damning blow that a lie brings.

Stand in Agreement with your Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:58:00 +0000

One of the fastest ways I know of, to start building a wall between you and your mate, is to side with one of the children against your mate.

Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn't stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it's the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else's business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you've destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

Farting and Picking Your Nose

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:22:00 +0000

When you're with the boys, these things don't seem to be a big deal. As a matter of fact, in some circles, you're expecting to act this way.

At home, you let out a hug fog in the living room and think nothing of it and you certainly think your wife tolerates it, if not actually thinks it's funny.

Well, guess what. She doesn't think it's funny or cute and she certainly doesn't appreciate your humor while she's sitting there enjoying a bowl of ice cream.

I had a husband (note the had part) who thought it cute to climb into bed, let out a huge fart, lift the covers with his feet, hold down his side of the covers and lift mine up so that I got the full impact. He'd laugh like he'd just pulled of the royal prank of the year and then come at me, wanting sex. Is it any wonder, I soon started referring to myself as a log with a hole in it? Oh, that's right, you guys don't know what I'm talking about.

Picking your nose, especially in public is about the biggest turn off I can think of. If you happen to actually have a woman who appreciates that, it's definitely a sign that you both deserve each other. This is almost as offensive as a guy who would plunge his hand down the front of his pants, in public, to scratch.

At home, some wives are left to wonder who actually raised her man. From what she can gather, it was a herd of goats. Who, with any manners at all, would drop their underwear loaded with skid marks and chunks, right in the middle of the bathroom floor so that if and when his wife came walking through, she'd either step in his feces or dodge around them? If there's not a hamper nearby, the least you can do is fold them over so that nobody has to see your insides, and push them into the corner until you're done with your shower.

Some guys have never heard of the concept of folding and hanging up their towel, so that it will dry. If you're not one of these, then believe it or not, you have fellow males who think the floor is the only place for a wet towel.

When your wife has gone to the trouble of fixing and serving dinner, at an actuall dinner table with chairs and the whole scene, have the decency to show up with a clean shirt on. Nobody wants to stare at your hairy, sweaty belly while they are trying to eat. If you want to pick your ears, do it in the bathroom or bedroom, not while watching TV and especially sitting at the dinner table.

"See" food, is not funny. It's gross and stomach turning and in my opinion, any guy that would open his mouth full of food and make sure everyone sees, belongs in a barn with the cows.

Those of us who live in America, would like to say to thousands of men, we are not in old Arabia. If you have to burb during a meal, cover your mouth with your fist or napkin and be as discrete as possible and then say, "Excuse me". It won't kill you to show a little respect at the table.

Holding fist over fork is the way baby's use utensils. Not grown ups. Learn how to do it right and be a man.

You want to turn you woman completely 'OFF', let that door slam in her face. Go ahead, I dare you. What ever happened to gentlemen? And by the way, walking 10 feet ahead of your woman is for third world countries, not civilized communities of America or the UK,etc.

Referring to your woman as 'my old lady' is demeaning and downright disgusting. Neither does your woman have 'tits', cows have teets.

When you think walking beside your woman with your hand on her ass, is showing the world that 'this is mine', let me clue you in. The rest of the world feels sorry for that woman to have such a crude ass for a husband. And by the way, she knows that and it's embarrassing.

Let's see....you start the morning with a huge fart, come home at night all sweaty and dirty and sit down to the dinner table without your shirt, fart a few times and belch as loud as you can. Then you sit in front of the TV, wiping the sweat off your back onto the new velour chair and drinking a beer. Then you get up to shower, drop your filthy underwear right in front of the bathroom door, instead of in the hamper. She comes in and steps right on your chunks and you find out and laugh.

Then you sit watching TV while demanding your wife sit there and consume her own evening, scratching your back. Then at bed time, you let out a huge fart just after she's climbed into bed and you wonder why she suddenly has 'a headache'.

Start the countdown on your own personal doomsday clock.

Women Need Assurance

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:14:00 +0000

This doesn't mean that women have a low self esteem or have a hard time keeping her head up. It means, that when a woman has committed herself to you, she wants to know nothing has changed. She wants to know you still appreciate her for being with you, that you still love and cherish her.

So how do you go around reassuring her all the time? Not with words, dummy. Actions still speak louder.

How long has it been since you've shown her, you want to be alone with her at a restaurant? That you cherish your time together and don't want to lose years of moments.

How long has it been since you simply held her in your arms, without pushing for sex, looking deep into her eyes while reminding her that you love her?

When you come home from work what's the first thing you do? Do you drop what ever is in your hands and head for the shower? Do you yell out , "What's for dinner"? What you should be doing is heading straight for your love and giving her a warm hug and hello.

Now I'm going to tell you a woman's secrets. Your wife may act as though being introduced to one of your old girl friends, has no affect on her but let me assure you, you have just pushed your marriage one step closer to a divorce. She really doesn't want to be reminded of the two of you in bed together. Like it or not, that's the first thought to cross her mind, while she smiles sweetly and greets your old girlfriend. You have no cause to be angry with your wife. You wanted a woman, you've got one.

If you wanted to live with someone who thought as you do, you should have found a man, not a woman.

When in public and your eyes stray to that woman walking down the aisle, your wife will feel slighted. She may deny it, you may demand it, but the fact is, she definitely realizes you weren't looking at her but at some stranger. You know, paybacks could be hell.

Yes, that lady was strikingly beautiful. Yes, she was stacked. Truly, what business is that of yours? She belongs to someone else. If it's not something you'd share with your wife, then get your wandering eyes off it before she catches you at it.

Something my EX husband used to try on me was, "Where we boys go, is no place for you". Excuse me? If it's a place I shouldn't be, and it has nothing to do with work, then what the hell was he doing there? I'm sorry, that one won't fly.

Your woman has feelings and to deny those feelings, is to drive another nail in the coffin of the marriage. You may not see it today but you will someday soon. Keep hurting her and the day will come when she stops hurting. In fact, she will have stopped caring at all.

It's all up to you. If you love your wife and want to keep her, you'll listen to what I'm saying.

Her Language. His language.

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:47:00 +0000

She says "I have nothing to wear" and means, I have nothing new that everybody hasn't already seen. Or it may mean she lost weight and feels she looks ridiculous in her old clothes.

He says, "I have nothing to wear" and means, all my clothes are in the hamper.

Same sentence. Right? Then how can there be such a difference in the meaning? Well, um...haven't you heard that girls are different from boys? Oh, you thought that just meant physically.

You say, "Out with the boys" which could mean anything from a poker game to bar hopping. She says, "Out with the girls" which usually means lunch and window shopping. Either one can present its own problems but 'Out with the boys' could also involve a topless bar, which pretty much puts the 'boys' in a whole other category from the 'girls'. While the 'girls' concentrate on each other, the 'boys' could possibly be concentrating on other women. You can see the vast differences.

Just remember that when you're talking to the love of your life, you really have to be talking her language or you just might find yourself in trouble.

You, the man, have to be shown respect, while she, the woman, needs to be shown love. See any differences there? While you, the man, try showing respect to your wife, she gets the idea you just want her around to cook and clean. On the other hand, if she tries to show you love and not respect, you get the idea she's mothering you and not seeing you as a man. See how that works? So stop treating her like you do your buddies. She's not your buddy. She's another species - a woman.

Showing your woman love is the same to her as respect. Her showing respect to you is the same as showing love. Remember that and you will save yourself hours of battles.

Just One Lie

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:53:00 +0000

When my granson was only about 8 years old, we used to go for walks through the cemetery. It was the biggest and oldest in the city, with lush grass and many trees and made for a pleasant walk.

We examined old tomb stones to put together of a life gone by. Finding a whole plot with several family members, some as young as 6 months old and all having died within days of each other, I presumed one of those virus's that wiped out whole communities. I discussed things like how fortunate we are today,with our modern medicine and how much easier life is today than it was for our great-great grand parents.

It was on one of these walks, I delved into another very serious discussion about trust. This was the day, I shared with my young grandson, what it means to lose someones trust in him. As I told him, "Tell me one lie, and I lose trust in you and you will spend the next 10 years, working to regain that trust. So don't ever lie to your loved ones. The pain on both sides is long lasting and deep."

He told his first lie, within that year and sure enough, lost my trust in him. The next time he came to me with something he wanted to do, I had to tell him that since I couldn't be there with him, he couldn't go because I no longer trusted him. I think it was something like a year later, that I was able to show faith in my grandson again. Needless to say, he was relieved.

So what's my point? Just because you're a grown up, doesn't mean you can't lose someone's trust in you. Tell just one lie and you've lost it. You don't know the value in having others have faith in you, until you've lost it. Why risk that?

If you lie to your significant other, don't expect to have her faith in you for a very, very long time. It's harder to regain, than to hold on to her trust. To not be trusted, is about the hardest thing for a body to face.

Don't believe me? Try it.

She's Pulling Away - There's a Coldness in the Air

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 18:52:00 +0000

What's happening? What's going on? Why does she seem to have lost interest? Am I losing her?

If your wife tends to push you off, when you try to put your arms around her, it's definitely time to worry. How much do you cherish this marriage? Will you sit by and watch it slowly die?

Hopefully it's just a transition and not a lover on the side. When ice hangs in the air, it's time for you to do something.

If you have to, stash some extra cash for a great 'date night'. I'm not talking about a drinking bash or loud noise, I'm talking about that candle light dinner at a fine restaurant. I'm talking about reviving those feelings that won her over, in the beginning.

There's something about dressing for the occasion, soft lights and eye to eye contact, that brings the original love affair back into focus. Your most flattering shirt or suit, an air of luxury and quietness. Maybe even a special gift along with your thanks for being such a wonderful wife.

If you can afford it, why not a night at a nice hotel? Arrange for a good babysitter you both trust and your cell phone number for emergencies only. A night just for her and not about yourself. A night of sweeping her off her feet.

Sometimes, that ice in the air is a result of her feeling taken for granted. Like a rose, she must be tended to, fed and nurtured.

Little things like looking deep into her eyes, remind her of why she married you. A gentle hand on her waist carries a deeper more loving message than a pat on the rear.

Instead of introducing her as your 'old lady', how about changing that to 'love of my life'? Don't ever make the huge mistake of siding with anyone against your wife. I don't care if it one of the children or your mother. Your differences are to be discussed behind closed doors. Always let your wife know you are on her side, regardless of the circumstances.

Lift her up, idolize her and treat her like a queen. This is support for the both of you as you constantly remind yourself why you married her.

Never let ice hang in the air. Clear it out and fast.

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 19:31:00 +0000

Although it seems I'm not around much these days, the fact is I'm very busy online. Most of my writing is at the Crafter'sCorner the Home Site Blog the Trucking blog and my Christian site blog

This in a addition to Squidoo pages and on Facebook

I haven't deserted this blog, just been so busy with others.

About Our New Site

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

I'm inviting you to visit the new blog at http://judysbookshop.com/home/blog
Most of the posts here, will be transferred over to that site which is all about the Home and Family, including this very subject.

I will continue to blog here, but not only will the same posts be at the new site but also much more, as home and family covers a wide variety of subjects.

Who Do You Want to Grow Old With?

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:00:00 +0000

You are going to grow old. I realize, that at the age of 18, it seems too far off into nothingness, you hardly feel you need to be concerned with it.

Believe me - take it from an old timer, that 'old' thing, happens before you know it.

Do you remember grammar school? You remember how long it took for Christmas to come? Did you happen to notice how much faster years passed, the older you got? At the age of 22, anticipation just doesn't have the same edge it had when you were 6. Tell me, you've noticed that.

If the years pass faster at the age of 22, than it seemed when you were 6, what do you think it's going to be like when you're 40?

This little phenomena of seasons and years passing faster and faster, the older you get, keeps right on changing until it seems years are more like months. So at the age of 20, enjoy the fact that a year feels like a year, because that will pass too.

So now tell me - what do you want to be happening when you are 50 or 60 or even 70? Do you want a woman who gets disgusted with your looks and ailments, and leaves you for something better?

I'll tell you how to make sure that happens in your life. Dump a woman every 5 years or so and go get a younger one. Just keep doing that until the day, the shoe is on the other foot. Believe me, it will happen.

You want a woman who gets tired of taking care of you when your old, sick and drooling? Treat her like crap, today.

I know of old men, with 6 ex-wives and over a dozen grown kids and not a one of them wants to have anything to do with them now.

You see, it's just like a bank account - you get out of it only what you put in. Spend it all today and it won't be there tomorrow. What's the difference between the bank and human relations? Not much.

The answer, my friend, is investing in your future by keeping a good relationship with your wife. Your children will leave home. Your friends will be busy tending to their own problems. The young women don't want to spend their lives taking care of old men.

Your future world is what you make of it when your young. Work hard, keep time for your wife, love your wife and treat her right, save money to buy a home, take care of the things you have and don't waste it all. Be honest. Be worth loving. Your chances of having peace in your old age are much better.

You want to see it in action? Go visit the dumpy bars and see how many people in there are older men alone. If you don't think your wife is worth investing in, you are a fool.

And suppose your wife dies too early? Women flock to widowers and run from used meat. What I mean is this, a woman of 40 will be attracted to a widower but view an 'ex' as a 'has been'. They wonder why those ex-wives aren't still married to you. They are suspicious of you and with good reason.

Now I ask you - does it really hurt so bad to have to tell a woman where you've been all night? Does it really hurt so bad to go to your own home every night? Is it really such a big deal? Is it just a horrible thing to have to tell your wife that you love her? What's the problem with men who will marry and then decide he doesn't want the marriage?

Life is not the excitement of 'new', all the time. We have to grow up and face reality. One way or another, that reality will come home to roost.

I once handed $100 to an old man, sitting on the corner, after stopping to talk to him. He had married late in life, to a woman who died soon after they married. Guess who kicked him out of the home and sold it. Her kids. If you think you can settle your life late, you're wrong. Things will not go so easy.

Take care of your own business. Take care of your money. Take care of your wife. Raise your kids. Then you can look forward to peace in your old age. Don't be the fool.

Cherish your wife for what she is. She is your partner in 'life'. Every abuser, will get back what he dishes out. Be kind to those around you.

Listen to one who is now reaching old age and who has 4 ex's facing that lonely old age, because of their abuse. What they thought was so important, when they were young and strong, will come back to bite them. All I ever asked for was honesty and peace and all I ever got back was lying, cheating and abuse. You would wonder how I know so much? That's how.

I never ran out on my child and so today, she doesn't run out on me. She won't do the same for her father. You want to be that father? Just keep right on abusing your family.

I tell you these things to wake you up - to get you to think. Life is precious. Life is short. Life is not a candy store.

Just the Boys

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:27:00 +0000

As much as I hate airing my own dirty underwear, there are times when it's handy to pull out of memory, one of my own experiences in order to share a thought. Most of these involve a highly abusive personality, I'm ashamed to have ever been acquainted with, much less married to.

Today, is one of those times and while most of you will tilt your head in wonder about some folks, there are also many of you, pulling off these same stunts. I share this with you to get a point across.

"I'm just going out with the boys", is not a great thing to say to your wife. Especially if you've just come home from work and headed for the shower, then shaved and splashed on after shave before putting on your best clothes. Some how this doesn't relate. Why would a guy go to so much trouble just to be with the 'boys'?

She may not say anything but I guarantee, she's thinking it. What's worse, the day may come when her eyebrows raise as the realization begins to dawn on her that maybe, just maybe, he really was going out with the boys. An even worse thought than her first.

When after several of these occasions, she begins to wonder why she's not going out with you and you offer her the explanation of 'where I'm going is not suitable for a woman', what exactly are you telling her? Where would you be going that's not also suitable for your wife? If it's not good enough for your wife, then it's not good enough for you.

If you love your wife and want to keep her, never offer up an excuse for spending a night away from her. Especially if there's only one car between you and she doesn't have plans of her own, the same night. The more time you spend apart from each other, on a Saturday night, the easier it is to make the transition to a permanent situation.

I'm not talking about those special occasions like a bachelor's party, showers, etc. I'm talking about a weekend habit.

You can take my advice or leave it but if I were you, I'd give it some serious thought.

My Wife is Cold in Bed !

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:15:00 +0000

My father used to say something that was so profound and so true. "There is no such thing as a cold woman, only clumsy men".

That, of course, was a man's way of saying it. Now I'll try to explain it.

On more than one occasion, I heard other men call my dad 'pussy whipped'. Want to know what his reaction was? "You betcha" with a huge grin and a twinkle in his eye. Boy could he make those eyes twinkle. He was one happy guy.

So where did this attitude come from that a man who appeared to be letting his wife have her way, with just about anything, was a bad thing? My dad, was one smart guy. He let his wife think she was the boss of the house and that was his ticket to have her, any time, any day and as often as he wanted and she loved it.

So which of you wins all the arguments? Poor guy. Which of you puts your wife down, in public as well as at home? You poor love starved soul. Which of you see yourself as 'the MAN'. How lonely is that?

Now I'll ask it from the other point of view. Which of you lets the whole world think your wife walks all over you? Not a bad ticket. Is it?

Who cares what the world thinks, if you're getting yours at home? Which makes you happy? The opinions of strangers or your wife's attitude toward you. Those strangers are never going to give you what you need, in life. Where will they be, when you're old and sick? Where were they , when you couldn't even get a peck on the cheek from your own wife?

OK, so here's the lowdown. What you said last month, dictates your wife's mood tonight. Apologies just remind her of what you said. It doesn't fix things. What's worse, you don't even remember!

So, isn't that a huge reason for being careful what you say to and about your wife? You're way ahead, if you learn early, that it doesn't take away from your esteem, to hold your wife up on a pedestal. That, of course, is regardless of what others may think about her.

Hold your wife in high esteem and you get several reactions. One is jealousy from other women, another is scoff from your male friends and the last is a wife who's always ready. Oh, and by the way, those male scoffing friends? They should wish they could have their wive's attention, the way you do. Let 'em scoff. No skin off your nose.

What feeds your soul and sooths the day, happens at home in privacy. Not at the bar. Not with your buddies.

Sympathize when your wife has had her feelings hurt. Give an understanding ear to her problems, even if you don't agree. Always, act like you couldn't walk without her by your side. Hold her hand. Put an arm around her waist in public, so she knows you're proud of her. Never push yourself on her so that she feels like it's always her decision.

Being this way with your woman, keeps her in the 'mood' a whole lot more than if you make demands on her or worse, insult her.

I can't talk for men, but I sure know what women are like and if a woman ever catches you in a lie, you've lost her. One lie, tells her you're capable of lying ,and the trust and honor goes right out the window. If your wife can't trust you, she can't warm up for you. Don't ever lie to your wife.

"I don't need you. I can do this all by myself"

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:12:00 +0000

The modern day woman. It seems the majority of them have had 'home and family' bred right out of them.

You ever get the feeling you're just good for the paycheck? Easily replaceable? Not really needed?

Let me share with you the attitude you really should be having. How about that attitude toward the little child who says, "I can do it all by myself" only to flub it all up and go crying to their room. Ashamed to admit, they really couldn't do it.

Sure your wife could take care of the children, bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. I mean, she's almost doing all that already, even with your paycheck. But let her try that month after month, with no moral support and no partner around. Watch what happens when the car goes on the blink and her paycheck barely covers the bills, as it is. And when she comes down with the same flu, the kids came down with and she's trying to take care of them when she, herself, wants to run for the toilet. What then?

Will her attitude change then? Oh yes but will she admit it.

You can take this from a middle aged woman who has had to do it all. Some the easy way, some the hardest way. Women are not the tower of strength they so hope the world will see them to be. It starts showing up when the stress starts attacking from all sides. Men are made to cope with these things, women are not.

I can hear the arguments now. I've heard them all my life. Does that change my mind, when I see years of proof of what I say? This isn't opinion talking. This is wisdom. That woman can accomplish amazing things, just as long as you're still within sight. It's the man, who provides the strength in the family. Even if he does absolutely nothing! His mere presence and attitude, anchor the family.

It doesn't take much to lead the family. It has very little to do with demands and all the world to do with the calm presence of the man. Calm, steadfast and strong. There's your ingredients.

When your wife gets the attitude that you are of no use, all you have to do is stop being there for her. Eventually, she will have to admit there IS a use for you. :

When she says, "The kids are driving me crazy", instead of offering sympathy and help, offer her a stout, "What do you want me to do about it?" See if you don't see the difference in her reaction. Offering help, is being the partner. The latter is a total flake out. Think she might appreciate the differences?

If you're having troubles like this, this is what you do. Sit down for a serious talk. Here are the rules. One talks the other listens and then you switch roles. While one is talking, the other cannot interrupt.

If you truly are a man and truly want a solid family that has a true goal, truly wanting to work together as a team to provide a peaceful home, then I'm talking to you. If not, forget it and why are you here?

You see, a body with two legs can go forward. A body with one leg can still go forward but at a much slower pace. A body with two right legs is going to accomplish much of nothing. Just like a football team, everybody has their job and it all works together. That's what a family is.

You can call me a liar but there's no way around the fact that the male skeleton has one less rib, than the female skeleton. That's a scientific fact. I can prove my point, many other ways but to get directly into the subject: men are created for one job and women are created for another, both complimenting the other. Together, they are one. Together, they go forward.

Couples that stop going forward, stop working as a team, go to the divorce courts because they can't overcome the frustrations. They know they have a problem, they know the symptoms but they can't boil it down to the disease and they give up. The disease? Two right legs.

Men are created with upper body strength, while women have lower body strength. Let a man try to carry a laundry basket on his hip. It doesn't fit. Men are created with an all 'outward' emotion, while women have an all 'inward' emotion. A man spends his life with an outbound force and attitude. A woman spends her life with a inbound power.

What that means is, the man is designed to handle stress from outside the home while the woman is designed to handle stress within the home. Even the body, testifies to this. The male organs are forward, while the female organs are contained within.

Since even in business, attention is paid to the bank account while at the same time, going out into the world to bring into the bank account. It takes both, to accomplish business and succeed. If everyone in the business just sat and tended the bank account, there would be no bank account. The same for the sales force. If the whole business spent all it's time in the world bringing in the money, there would still be no money because there's nobody tending the bank account. Where would it go?

The family is certainly as important as business and if run the same way, there would be no divorce.

I personally, don't believe in mother's working outside the home. Why? Because she has to become a man in her heart of heart's to be able to do this job switch. A man is not a nurturer. The woman is.

So while she feels she could do it all herself, she's asking to be both man and woman. Now that's a tiresome scene. That makes a body old before its time.

In a proper marriage, you work together as a team. The man working outside the home and coming home to rest. The woman rests, off and on all day, between jobs. Sounds pretty balanced, to me. So she has to do all the housework. I don't understand the big deal. Unless, of course woman have forgotten the routine of keeping the house up, so that there never is a huge clean up job.

Some men wield a hammer all day long. Some talk on that phone all day. Whichever it is, it's just as tiring as vacuuming, so I don't understand the woman whining about no help with the housework, when she doesn't have to work anywhere else. One job is just as tiring as the other.

I see no harm in him helping with the dishes until the kids are old enough to take over that job. But then when the kids are old enough, why should dad have to help? The kids have just as much responsibility in the home as the adults. Everybody has their role to play. I see no reason for grumbling about it.

The family with a home, furnishings and food, has no call to complain. If that family complains, they should be required to live in a shack, with not enough food and no money for soap, if that's what it takes to make them understand the wealth they have.

Considering that the man is actually the strong one in the family, it is he who needs to be the most gentle. A true man doesn't have to prove it. And if his wife thinks she is walking all over him, manipulating him and getting her way, it's just proof that the man is doing his job right. It's the man who instills fear in his wife and children, who is failing. Strength does not look like might, it looks like a rock. The best way I know of, to keep a wife happy and content, is to gain her respect.

Think about this: it's easy to respect a rock, not so easy to respect a fire cracker. What a woman respects, she loves. What she loves, she leans on. What she leans on, she keeps.

Making a woman cry, is not building respect. In fact, it's doing the opposite. Remember that one. It's your strength that carries the ball, not your demands. Demands just drive people away.

So that talk, I was telling you about? It's what I've been telling you in these past paragraphs. Is your wife unhappy about the amount of money the family has? She needs to learn content. Anyone can learn to live within their means. What is she looking for in life? Bright lights? Party time? Settle it right now. Lay it on the line. Does she want a healthy home? Or does she want to throw it all away. If she wants to throw all that away, stop trying to build a family with that woman. If you think this hurts now, just wait a few more years and see what she can do to you. Don't put yourself through that. There's a good woman waiting.

If she realizes what she's been threatening and wants to have a happy home, then you have something to talk about. Do you really need 2 incomes or could you have a smaller home and survive on 1? If there are children, she has no business trying to be both male and female, holding down an outside job plus the one at home.

If there are no children yet, then what would you work toward? Two incomes can save money a lot faster than one.

Make the deal, write it down and then stick to it. Your job, her job, where are you going, where do you want to be 5 years from now. If you're both working outside the home, then you're both also working in the home and that means sharing the housework. If just the man is working outside the home then her job IS the home and that needs to be clarified.

If you're still having trouble, share with her what I've told you here. There's no getting around true facts. Men and women are NOT the same.

Just as a silly side note, have you ever tried the chair lift? Place a light weight chair against the wall. First let the woman try this. Stand with the knees against the chair, lean forward until you're holding your weight against the wall with your head. Now grab the chair by both sides and try to stand straight up, while still holding the chair and lifting it. A woman can, a man cannot. Why? Because of your skeletal structure and the balance of your body strength.

The man's power is in his arms and upper body. The woman's power is in her hips and legs. Now tell me that isn't a perfect team.

So the next time your wife is 'throwing her weight around', and seemingly bossing the household, just remember who it is who has the true strength in the family. Isn't that enough to give you peace? Isn't that enough to feel like a rock? You don't have to jump just because your wife demands it. You just have to know how to reverse the command with a gentle and loving voice.

Try it, next time. She, "Come here". You, "I have an idea. (with a wink and a smile) How about you come over here." (while patting your knee) Just like that, you've become the rock. Loving your wife is showing her your strength, in the face of anything.

"Why can't you help me with the dishes?" "Come here, hon. Sit down with me. Why are you in such a fury to get the dishes done? You deserve to relax a little, too". That's being the rock. "I work all day and damn if I'm going to go home and do your work for you". That is being a bully and a failure.

I feel trapped!

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:05:00 +0000

Wait a minute. Did you make the decision to marry or not?

Let me have a few minutes with you and maybe , just maybe turn your entire life around into something wonderful.

When you're 20, it's easy to think that life is passing you by, that the guys have all the fun and you're tied down. Believe it or not, you're going to be 40, one of these days. You're going to be 50, then 60 faster than you could ever imagine.

If you're married now and things are good, it's time to think about keeping it good. If you're married and things aren't so good, you better do yourself a favor and find out why and fix it.

" Oh it was just the heat of attraction". Do you really think it happens any other way? Do you really think that all those long time marriages, started out with no thoughts about sex at all, it was just true love from the beginning? You have another thing coming.

Regardless of how it happened for you, you got married. And wasn't that lovely lady in love with you, at the time? Weren't you in love with her, at the time? So what has cooled?

Maybe nothing more than a good dose of reality. Ever think about that one?

Do you know why people save and plan for retirement? Are they just thinking 'survival' or are they thinking about a whole lot more out of life? Don't you think they have visions of traveling and doing the things they've never had the time to do?

What's the difference between saving towards your retirement, and making a marriage work? Both are taking you toward that day of peace and comfort. That day when you can finally stop clocking in to work, every morning.

You work now, so you can play later. If you play now, you'll wind up toiling away when your body is tired and weak. Now there's something to look forward to. The guy who plays first, expecting that somehow everything will work out, finds himself flat broke and with nothing to show for all his years. Who's going to support you? Welfare? Social Security? You going to find some way to survive on less than $1000 a month? You'd be a fool to wait and depend on others, to take care of you when you're old. So the idea is to work for it now, while you're young and strong.

The same with marriage. Marriage isn't a contract, guaranteeing your entertainment and pleasure. It's a contract between two people, willing to work together for the good of both. It's kind of like having a right leg, to go with the left. It's a whole lot easier to walk with 2 legs.

OK, so you're young and you've gotten married. Now what? Work, boy, work! It's your future, we're talking about, not today's pleasures. You work together to form a great team and that team is more polished and workable, every year that goes by.

The mistake most young folks make, is in thinking they will always feel the way they do today. The problem is, that's not reality. Reality says you're going to slow down, you're going to lose muscle tone, and you're just liable to be subjected to physical conditions, you never dreamed of.

Are you going to wait until you are too old to be pleasing to the other sex, before deciding to settle down? I'll show you thousands of guys who thought that way. Nobody wants to get tangled up with a guy who will probably last another 10 or 20 years and become a burden. Nobody!

I'm 63 years old and long time divorced. You think I'm out there looking? You're out of your mind. Any guy out there that's my age and available, is available for a reason. I don't want somebody else's left overs. It's kind of like buying a used car. You're buying somebody's car problems. Oh no, no no no....I may be facing old age alone, but I'll face it without the dread of nursing some old guy who never gave me anything.

If I had had a decent man, I'd still be married and I'd find a way to make it work. That's the guy I'd face old age with. The one who was there when the kids were born. The one who was there when the car broke down. That guy. I won't take on somebody else's problems. You see where I'm coming from?

I don't care how handsome you are, how rich your are, how popular you are....you can lose it all. Who's going to be there to hold your hand? Will it be the bride of your youth? Will it be some gold mining young chick who will run out on you, the minute you start to stink or get too ugly?

Be smart, guys. Invest in your future. Take care of that woman you married. Stop thinking of her as a ball and chain. Straighten up your head and look at things as they really are, not the childish things you've been thinking.

Now, while still working at your team, it's not all about you but believe me, when you're old, it can become all about you in a snap.

Does this dress make me look fat?

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:38:00 +0000

Never! I mean, NEVER say what you think. Let me share with you, the proper way to answer. It works. I promise.

You have to crawl outside of yourself and into her mind, to answer this question. Here's what it sounds like:

"Hon. You know I'm blind, when it comes to you. I look at you through loving eyes and I can't see what it is you see, when looking in the mirror. So this is a hard one for me. I have to find some way to look at you like a stranger, before I can answer that. To me, you're beautiful all the time.

Now, the only way I can come even close to giving you an unbiased opinion, is to look at you the way you do. I love you and I know what would embarrass you, so that's all I can come up with - What would embarrass you. So please, don't take offense, if I say something you don't want to hear. I'm not talking from my point of view, I'm trying to see things from your point of view.

I mean, it's like if you have something between your teeth. I tell you because I love you and don't want you to discover it later and hate me for not telling you. I don't tell you because it offends me. "

Then and only then, take a good hard look. I mean, really! For her sake. Have her turn around. Cock your head a little. Act like you care!

Then you can say something like," OK. Everything looks great except one area. That skirt cups around your belly. You can't see it in the mirror but looking at you the way others will, is a whole other matter. You know I love you and don't care but I know you care and would be embarrassed if you knew what others could see. So, I'm telling you, in all truthfulness, except for that section of the skirt, it looks great."

You see, where guys go all wrong is not understanding that his woman wants to know he's on her side. She doesn't need your criticism. She needs your understanding and love. She wants to know that when she steps out that door, other people are not going to look at her and be thinking, "Why couldn't her husband tell her what that looks like?"

That's it. That's what it's all about. You approach her in this way and she'll trust your opinion for the rest of her life and will continuously come to you for that final approval. She will also feel safe, when she steps out the door.

Nothing will endear you to your wife, more than letting her know you're on her side.

Valentine's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 03:10:00 +0000

As silly as it seems, guys, Valentine's Day holds a special place in a woman's heart. From the time she was old enough to think about romance, she has secretly yearned for that special someone, handing her the biggest box of chocolates in the store.

Don't ask us why. We may not even be able to eat that candy. It's just the idea, that secret little girls wishes. It never goes away.

"Nothing"

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:54:00 +0000

What does it mean? In truth, it means I wish I could talk to you but I already know you don't care. Or worse, you care more about your own selfish feelings than you do about me.

Or even worse: I've already tried talking about this and already know you won't listen.

There is an old country song that rings so very true. Every tear drop, makes her love for you die a little more.

If you want rid of her fast, make her cry every day.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Sound familiar? Right now, I'm talking to that man who really wants to reach out, really wants a good relationship, really and truly cares what hurts her and is willing to listen.

Listen: means to keep your mouth shut, means to look her in the eye, means to not make stupid faces at every turn. Listening is done with the ears and the heart, not the mouth and attitude.

If she's been unsuccessful in talking openly with you, in the past, now is the time to assure her, you will listen with an open heart. I really do mean to say, "I will listen with an open heart. I won't interrupt. I will try to see it from your point of view."

Women are not just converted men. Women have a whole other set of values and concerns that men just don't get. If there's a problem between you, it's not time to try to be a woman, it's time to step over the line and try to view the world as a woman, long enough to say, "I see it now. I'm so sorry. I love you".

What's the big deal in saying those words? Why does it seem that some men take it to mean they are a woos?

Think of the gentle giant and be one. The bigger and stronger the man, the more impressive it is for him to be gentle and caring for those lesser than himself in strength and power. This is the man, that towers above the rest.

About This Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Judy) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:43:00 +0000

This blog is written by a 63 year old woman, married and divorced 4 times and never found that one perfect mate.

I've lived through all the ups and downs of marriage and if there's anybody in this world, that understands your wife, it's me.

I'll tell you, right up front, I wouldn't go back and relive those young woman years, for all the money in the world. So listen to this old lady, and learn.