Cracked: All Posts

5 Features of the New Xbox That Are About to Ruin Everything

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By David Wong Published: May 23rd, 2013 Microsoft announced their new Xbox console (the Xbox One) on Tuesday, which boasts amazing new technology that will make your entire entertainment experience significantly worse. I'm not talking about specific games here, because they didn't really m

The 5 Greatest Unscripted Disasters in Pro Wrestling

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By John Cheese Published: May 23rd, 2013 Even if you hate sports, you can still love seeing things go hilariously wrong. Well, I have good news: Pro wrestling was made for that shit. I've spoken before about how professional wrestlers are the best actors in the world, and other Cracked writ

4 Important Rule Changes That Make Every Game More Fun

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Chris Bucholz Published: May 23rd, 2013 Rules are a necessary part of every game, the main reason we can have competitive pastimes that aren't just about hitting each other with sticks. Jim McIsaac/Getty Images Sport Well, not just about hitting each other with sticks. But games comes in a

5 Emergency Cures Everyone Knows (That Actually Hurt You)

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Daniel Nest Published: May 23rd, 2013 In the middle of any kind of health emergency, large or small, you'll immediately be surrounded by friends shouting tips about how to handle it. When you get all of this conflicting advice ("He's choking! Kick him in the balls!"), you wonder if their

6 People Saved by Literally the Last Person They Expected

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Robin O'Lachlan,Alex Hanton,Eric Yosomono Published: May 23rd, 2013 We all have at least one enemy we'd love to see crawl on their knees to beg for our help, only for us to say no and laugh at their misery because screw you, Joey, we'll never forgive you for dropping our ThunderCats Pogs in the toilet. Some of the mo

Why the Scooby-Doo Mystery Team Is Terrible At Mysteries

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED,5 Second Films,Greg Burke Published: May 22nd, 2013 If you liked this YouTube-exclusive video, go to our channel to watch "The Worst Decision Ever Made in the Harry Potter Universe," or the newest After Hours. And don't forget to subscribe to the Cracked channel, where you can get caught up on eve

The 4 Most Inexplicably Redundant Movie Plots of 2013

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By David Christopher Bell Published: May 22nd, 2013 As you've probably noticed, Hollywood has a strange, recurring habit of releasing two films about the exact same thing at almost the exact same time. Think Armageddon and Deep Impact (both were about asteroids), The Illusionist and The Prestige (old-

27 Dark Sides of Cartoon Universes You Never Got to See

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED Readers Published: May 22nd, 2013 Cartoons are are fun for kids and quality entertainment the whole family can get behind, right? Fact is, though, we only get to see 20 minutes of these cartoon worlds at a time. What's going on after the credits roll? We asked you to show us. The win

The 4 Most Weirdly Outdated Corporate Policies

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Robert Brockway Published: May 22nd, 2013 If you run a major corporation in this day and age, you either stay current and informed, or you sadly shuffle out front to hang up the "out of business" sign as consumers zip by on hovershoes you didn't even know existed. Customers are more intercon

The 6 Most Baffling Marketing Disasters by Famous Companies

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Evan V. Symon,Marco Caruso Published: May 22nd, 2013 The line between roaring success and humiliating disaster is so, so thin in the world of advertising. These companies are trying to grab attention without grabbing the wrong kind of attention, and trying to jump on societal trends without accidentall

6 Reasons Not to Freak Out About the 3D Printer Gun

Tue, 21 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By J.F. Sargent Published: May 21st, 2013 The first gun made entirely of 3D-printed parts recently debuted, and despite the best efforts of its creators, it looks pretty stupid. When your gun looks like something an 8-year-old built out of LEGO bricks, you're not gonna intimidate anyone (exc

4 Real Science Experiments Clearly Designed by Michael Bay

Tue, 21 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Luke McKinney Published: May 21st, 2013 Action movies try to kick ass by ignoring the laws of physics, which is like trying to win at wrestling by ignoring the use of your limbs -- you're left with ridiculous plots and big men making stupid facial expressions. Everything that moves, impact

5 Brilliant Clues Hidden in the Background of Movies

Tue, 21 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By J.F. Sargent,Dennis Fulton Published: May 21st, 2013 Movie spoilers are one of the many things that the Internet deals in like currency -- once a film has been released, it's tough to avoid having the ending ruined for you unless you power down every electronic device in your home and live like a front

5 Post-Apocalyptic Career Choices for Famous Zombie Killers

Tue, 21 May 2013 04:49:00 PDT

By Gladstone Published: May 21st, 2013 A couple of weeks ago, when I wasn't desperately trying to seduce Gillian Anderson at the Calgary Expo's X-Files panel, I had the privilege of seeing a discussion with Norman Reedus and Steven Yeun of The Walking Dead. And that got me thinking about

Inside the Mind of a Man With a Comb-Over

Tue, 21 May 2013 04:45:00 PDT

By Joe Donatelli Published: May 21st, 2013 When I was 20, I worked in a warehouse in Beachwood, Ohio. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and looking in the mirror when I saw scalp through my beautiful wavy brown hair, which was shocking because did I mention I had beautiful wavy brown hai

If Disney Cartoons Were Historically Accurate

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Rachel Bloom Published: May 20th, 2013 Download Rachel's album here!

3 Amazing Details of the Most Embarrassing Spy Scandal Ever

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Jack Hall Published: May 20th, 2013 If Hollywood blockbusters have taught us anything, it's that "globe-trotting secret agent" is the best career in the world, somewhere between "decorum-ignoring archaeologist" and "Bill Murray." Just think of Tinseltown's iconography of espionage: 151

19 Surreal Images (and Their Mind-Blowing Explanations)

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED Readers Published: May 20th, 2013 Sometimes an image is so awesome to look at that we aren't interested in the story behind it. But then there are images like these -- compiled by our loyal readers -- where the story only enhances the surrealness. The most mind-blowing photo and fact

The 5 Ugly Lessons Hiding in Every Superhero Movie

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By David Wong Published: May 20th, 2013 By the time you read this, Iron Man 3 will have grossed a billion dollars at the box office, with Man of Steel and The Wolverine ready to beat the piss out of more flamboyantly mentally ill villains for our amusement. In 2012, superhero movies took N

The 5 Most Ridiculous Outfits Ever Worn Into Battle

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By George Oduor Published: May 20th, 2013 If you're going into battle, you've got two wardrobe options: You can dress in something practical -- camouflage, body armor, boring shit like that -- or you can slap on a SpongeBob costume, paint your flamethrower bright pink, and hope the enemy is

Why 'My Little Pony' Is About to Get Even Creepier

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By XJ Selman Published: May 19th, 2013 Hasbro recently announced a My Little Pony spinoff movie, titled My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, which will hit theaters next month. In Equestria Girls, all of the ponies are transported to another universe where they transform into teenage girls to

If Hollywood Was Honest About Sex

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED Readers Published: May 19th, 2013 There's nothing the viewer loves more than a nice steamy sex scene. And Hollywood loves to put them on. We asked our readers to show us what would happen if Hollywood portrayed these scenes correctly. The winner is below, but first the runners-up ...

5 Obnoxious Things Restaurants Need to Stop Doing

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Felix Clay Published: May 19th, 2013 Polka Dot Images/Polka Dot/Getty Images Everyone likes eating out at restaurants, except I guess people who have been shot in restaurants or agoraphobics. But assuming you can go outside and have never been assaulted by the staff at Long John Silvers

5 People Who Took Revenge to a Whole New Level

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Jacopo della Quercia,Evan V. Symon Published: May 19th, 2013 They say that the best revenge is living well. And that's probably true, but you know what's even better? REVENGE. Nothing scratches the itch of injustice like a giant flaming ax made out of vengeance. Just ask any of the following folks. They'll tel

5 Disturbing Ways Insects Can 'Hack' Nature

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Monte Richard Published: May 19th, 2013 Nature is a giant computer: a vast mechanism of endless complexity and variety. It calculates, compiles, evolves -- and, of course, it renders genitals in exquisite detail. But if Hollywood has taught us anything about computers, it's that they will

4 Reasons Insects Will Soon Be a Staple of Your Diet

Sat, 18 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Evan V. Symon Published: May 18th, 2013 For most Westerners, the thought of eating a beetle or an ant triggers a gag reflex. We've been trained to hate and eliminate six-legged creatures of all kinds, even the ones that are good for us. But according to a recent U.N. report, our days of no

4 Crazy Reasons Classic Albums Almost Never Got Made

Sat, 18 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Adam Tod Brown Published: May 18th, 2013 Making a classic album isn't easy. I mean, I wouldn't know for sure, but it must be at least kind of difficult. If that wasn't the case, everyone would make one, right? That's what makes the albums on this list so special. To go along with all of the

5 Unintentionally Hilarious Live-Action Video Games

Sat, 18 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED Staff,Dustin Koski Published: May 18th, 2013 Around the early 1990s, some video game developers decided that the future of game technology was filming a bunch of no-name actors for peanuts and having them act out a game that looked and played like a late night infomercial. These were known as f

The 5 Most Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Pro Wrestling

Sat, 18 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Andrei Cherascu Published: May 18th, 2013 One reason pro wrestling will probably stick around forever is that there are certain advantages to having everything scripted, such as making sure shocking underdog stories happen right on schedule, and celebrity guest appearances. No other sport ca

Why Old Men Shouldn't Be Allowed to Hit on Women

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Picnic face Published: May 17th, 2013

3 Details From the Saddest Government Auction Ever

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By David Christopher Bell Published: May 17th, 2013 In today's economy, you can't blame anyone for needing a bit of extra cash. That being said, there's a certain aura of shady failure that hangs over every online auction, sort of like an awning made of bounced checks. But money is money, and it turns

31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By CRACKED Readers Published: May 17th, 2013 We've shown again and again that video games are actually beneficial for society. We asked our readers to show us some points we may have missed. The winner is below, but first the runners-up ...

4 Things We Should Remember When Arguing About Politics

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By Alli Reed Published: May 17th, 2013 Political discourse in America has reached levels of douchebaggery previously only theorized about but never observed, like conversational dark matter. We're in a whole new world of hating people based solely on their opinions on a few key issues, an

5 Horrifying Implications of the 'Star Trek' Universe

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By J.F. Sargent,Kier Harris Published: May 17th, 2013 Star Trek presents us with a glittering, hopeful future full of worldwide peace and cooperation, scientific achievement, and universal discovery. It's a utopian society wherein all races (black, white, human, or alien) and genders (male, female, or a

The Ridiculous New Ad That Makes Superman Look Psychotic

Thu, 16 May 2013 05:00:00 PDT

By David Christopher Bell Published: May 16th, 2013 Summer blockbuster season has begun, and so has the flood of ham-fisted movie tie-in advertising. We have Star Trek into Darkness implying that we'll all be using Acer laptops in the far-flung future and Tony Stark test-driving Audis instead of drunk